Partly rhetorical, partly self-answering
Posted on June 19th, 2010 by
Some questions have answers that are just too obvious:
“Why did they make another Shrek movie?” one of my children asked me as we bought tickets to see it, and I suspect it was at least partly a rhetorical question.
“Why did they make another Shrek movie?”
Because he was so damned good in Nosferatu.
There’s one born every minute, isn’t there?
Because Sadly, No!, that’s why.
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ITTDGY! Is this possibly the first use in print of shut up that’s why?!!
Well done, sir. I say well done!
This is totally off-topic, but for the fans of the blogger formerly known as S.Z., she’s made her triumphant return this week at World O’ Crap!
It can’t be the first use in print, since my great uncle (great grate U.N.C.L.E.?) printed it back in 1920.
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Related World O’Crap News
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What we suffer for our children.
Of course, I never took my kids to a single movie because I couldn’t afford it, I was a welfare bitch and bought books at yard sales and thrift stores and punished my kids by teaching them the joys of reading.
I also assuaged my guilt at being unable to provide them a proper dose of capitalist child exploitation, by pointing out often, the racist, classist and sexist themes in the VCR Disney crap they’d borrow from the caring friends.
They learned the words the The Lion King and The Little Mermaid by heart and could recite them each part at will.
I had failed in my duty to spread the revolution, but I knew I did my best.
“Why did they make another Shrek movie?” one of my children asked me as we bought tickets to see it…”
“For the same reason your mother and I had you, little Billy,” I answered. “Drugs, alcohol, and no consideration whatsoever about what would be the horrific, unendurable consequences of our actions. Would you like some popcorn?”
“For the same reason your mother and I had you, little
BillySadly,” I answered. “Drugs, alcohol, and no consideration whatsoever about what would be the horrific, unendurable consequences of our actions. Would you like some popcorn?”Ak-you-racy.
Oh, guess not, didn’t notice the link. More coffee, new glasses, brain implant, breakfast … I need something.
Wow, that’s lame.
Is it soon enough for a change of topic? I suggest the depressing topic of oil spills.
So I’m chilling on the patio at El Indio, eat my nachos supremas when this trustifarian couple (crunchy with a side of white boy dreadlocks) rolls up in an enormous black SUV and orders a pile of vegetarian food in the drive-through.
Okay, so I was eating chicken. But I walked there.
I mean, okay, maybe it’s just me, but… Seriously, it can’t just be me. That was an incredibly fatuous display.
Note: the girl asked for “vegetarian” nachos even though the nachos are vegetarian–only the nachos supremas have meat on them. (They might as well have been budgies* for all the courting and preening that was going on, in a granola crunchy undergraduate kind of way.)
*oops I mean tits
What, what, nachos supremas with budgie meat?
Interest, newsletter.
Because he was so damned good in Nosferatu.
The 1979 version had Isabelle Adjani as Lucy. Mmmmmmm Isabelle Adjani.
Disney was concerned that the first two didn’t have enough scenes of the characters dancing to Miley Cyrus numbers,lame pop culture references, or where they gang up on the fat kid. Also they were hoping that they’d paste in a live action slightly over-the-hill star like maybe Kurt Russell or Tim Tebow because of the cross-promotional opportunities. Also Shrek 1 failed to suck like every Disnay animated movie in the past 20 years and the Creative Endeavours Committe (chaired by the CFO and the ORganizatuional Development Manager) were determined to stick to the business process document titled ‘Creative Process Flow Document 2.13.017 (Amusement Manufacture)’ and there were certain project milestones that they insisted should have been followed cf. ‘Alladin 5’ with the Genie role voiced by Michael Caine which had indeed ticked all the boxes.
Ooooh. People-watching is crazy fun. That story is awesome, not a gator. It sounds like they got a super-sized side of douchery.
So I’m chilling on the patio at El Indio, eat my nachos supremas
Van Nuys?
Doubleyou, tee, eff?
Because he was so damned good in Nosferatu.
Tee hee!
Every few years since 2001 a new cohort of youngsters has arrived needing green ogre plush toys and other licensed Shrek merchandise to join their Buzz and Woody dolls and Spider-Man action figures.
Fuckin’ ancillary merchandising tie-ins – HOW DO THEY WORK?
I laughed my ass off at the first one. Of course I had access to certain entertainment enhancing materials which the youngest of younguns don’t usually have.
I laughed my ass off at the first one.
So did I, but that was because of the physical resemblance between the title character and my father.
DID YOU SHAKE DOWN BP YET DADDY???? DID YOU SHAKE DOWN BP????? DID YOU SHAKE EM DOWN??? HUH??
SHAKE DOWN WHITEY, DADDY! ITS REPARATIONS!
HEY DADDY WHY DOES OUR DEAR REVEREND WRIGHT, SAY GODDAMN AMERICA?
WHY DOES HE HATE WHITEY, DADDY? SHOULD I HATE WHITEY TOO?
needing green ogre plush toys
Rule 34!
I had failed in my duty to spread the revolution, but I knew I did my best.
The Revolution will not be animated :/
Maybe if you had made up song and dance numbers with plush toys about the struggles of the Proletariat and how the workers should own the means of production.
Maybe if you had made up song and dance numbers with plush toys about the struggles of the Proletariat and how the workers should own the means of production.
Jim Henson’s Che!
SHAKE DOWN WHITEY, DADDY! ITS REPARATIONS!
Sucking corporate cock. check
Racism check
Making fun of a twelve year old. check
True Consevative values check
Grade B- (You left out gay bashing and klling brown people. I am sure it was only an oversight)
Aw, c’mon. The poor guy should get some extra credit for hitting the caps lock key.
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
WHY DOES HE HATE WHITEY, DADDY? SHOULD I HATE WHITEY TOO?
When Whitey poisons the oceans of the world, my dear, yes you should.
Wait, is ‘Sadly, No’ Brad? I’ve kind of lost track of things here at the TinTin blog. (Not that I have anything against TT — I’m just glad that someone entertaining has the keys to the place!)
No, wait — it’s Seb, right? Good God man, where have you been???
He has a job or something.
Obambi had to shake down BP because he is in the pocket of Big Oil and he had to use his Chicago style gangsta tactics because he is a liberal elitist pussy who is lost without his teleprompter due to his pointy headed intellectualism. I am also sick of his apologising to foreign entities. Joe Barton would never do that unless you paid him money.
Uh, confused wingnut talking point generator, you forgot the communism and the Alinksy-style character assassination and LEAVE TONY HAYWARD ALONE!!!
Footbullet Tony went off to watch his yacht “Bob” race in the JP Morgan Asset Management Round the Island Race off the coast of England.
Kinda sums things up nicely, doesn’t it?
Shouldn’t the boat be named “Blob” by now?
I wonder if Bob performed better than the BOP..
Bob? He named a racing boat Bob? He should’ve named it something more suitable, like “Get a Clew,” “Super Tacky” or “Heel.”
You joke, but between Cuba, the USSR, and China, there’s a puppet movie of proletarian revolution there somewhere, maybe dozens.
Bob? He named a racing boat Bob? He should’ve named it something more suitable, like “Get a Clew,” “Super Tacky” or “Heel.”
I want to know if he has a limbless cat named “Matt.”
You joke, but between Cuba, the USSR, and China, there’s a puppet movie of proletarian revolution there somewhere, maybe dozens.
Scene 1: “Arise, my brother marionettes! You have nothing to lose but your strings!”
Scene 2: “Can anyone move? Anyone at all?”
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
What?! Is something good on TV?
Woo, New Zealand havbe scored.
This World Cup is friggin hilarious.
In being repeated 8 odd million times on the SciFi (fuck “SyFy”, weirdos) channel, an episode of the Stargate series was like their 200th episode, and was used as an excuse to bring in a pretend movie / TV producer to make a fictional movie version.
This was in turn an excuse to parody lots of other TV and movie styles, including a young beautiful people hot passion love / emo conflict version, an original Star Trek version, but also a “Thunderbirds” version.
And when the marionettes walked through the Stargate, on the other side their strings were gone and they just fell over.
I thought it was witty. Probably evidence that this shit gets old for the makers after a while, even if it’s paying the bills.
Oh, of course — Google and Wikipedia, the font of all knowledge, has the deets. Apparently I wasn’t the only person finding it amusing.
Why’d they make another Shrek movie?
A big ton a’moola.
Aw, come on, S,N — A.O. Scott knew what he was doing there. Pick on the bad guys.
Umm, Shrek isn’t Disney. It’s Dreamworks. Also Anastasia was Fox, in case you also want to rip on that movie.
“Umm, Shrek isn’t Disney. It’s Dreamworks. Also Anastasia was Fox, in case you also want to rip on that movie.”
Details. A little like discussing the different brands of catsup.
“Bob? He named a racing boat Bob? He should’ve named it something more suitable, like “Get a Clew,” “Super Tacky” or “Heel.””
“Monkey Buisness” is my fav.
I just find it weird to go on an anti-Disney rant because of Shrek when the first Shrek was a barely concealed rip on Disney. Lord Farquaad was Eisner, and his dukedom was the Magic Kingdom.
Also Shrek 1 failed to suck like every Disnay animated movie in the past 20 years and the Creative Endeavours Committe (chaired by the CFO and the ORganizatuional Development Manager) were determined to stick to the business process document titled ‘Creative Process Flow Document 2.13.017 (Amusement Manufacture)’ and there were certain project milestones that they insisted should have been followed cf. ‘Alladin 5? with the Genie role voiced by Michael Caine which had indeed ticked all the boxes.
I don’t know who you are, but this is genius.
I just find it weird to go on an anti-Disney rant because of Shrek when the first Shrek was a barely concealed rip on Disney.
By finding success, the Shrek franchise became that which it despised.
Don’t we all?
(Become what we despise, I mean, not rip on Disney. Although, we could certainly do that, too.)
Shrek starred Mike Myers.
Mike Myers sucks.
Ergo Shrek sucks. QED. Even six year olds know this.
Oh, gosh, is it time for someone at the NYT to squat and pinch out another column decrying sequels? Look, by all accounts Toy Story 3 is a wonderful movie, and even though the sequels to The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo are coming out in even shorter order than the Twilight episodes (one will be out in August, the other in November), they promise the return of Noomi Rapace, who is IMO a one-woman force of nature. Even Iron Man 2 had some nice turns by Mickey O’Rourke and Sam Rockwell.
MacGruber, on the other hand, even though it technically wasn’t a sequel, had nothing of interest that hadn’t already been done in a series of short sketches on SNL. Jonah Hex is occupying the opposite end of the Rotten Tomatoes scale from TS3. Killers and Marmaduke–need I go on?
So, um, there.