“And I feel like he did that intentionally for us.”

First they came for the douchebags. And I did not speak out because I was not a douchebag.

I never hit the tubes without SPF (Stupidity Protection Factor) 50 or better these days.

To think this guy came close to being president. And to think I used to grudgingly kind of respect McCain. Did the mere physical proximity with Moosolini rub teh stupid off on him? Does she exude some form of IQ-lowering, ethics-inhibiting damping field of mental miasma? It would explain a lot, actually.

He would never tax your tanning bed because that is what city and county taxing authorities are for.

You know GIGO? Well, Twitter is like that, except that it’s AIGO–anything in, garbage out.

Not that I would defend McCain in general but it seems to me in the case of this particular twat that some coherent thoughts were struggling to get out but were BURIED ALIVE! BURIED ALIVE! BURIED ALIVE!

iykwim

Arizona shore?

The only thing more toxic than a NJ beach…I can say that, I was born there.

Not in the toxic NJ beach water, but in NJ.

At least I don’t think I was born in the NJ water. although it could explain some things…

I think what finally did in McCain was losing to GHWB’s special-needs son in 2000. And then watching said twerp get all kinds of power to push his agenda.

At that point it really seems like McCain said to himself, “Fuck it. I want power. I’ll read whatever script you put in my hands, I just don’t give a shit any more.”

Then his old self would surface and it would be even more tragic. Like when he would actually realize the douchebag fires his campaign was stoking. Or during his concession speech, where he actually was embarassed by the crowd and tried to set them right – and then made sure to dim the stage so Sarah couldn’t go out and have a moment.

It’s really sad how he sold his soul, and he doesn’t even seem to care. At least Colin Powell was trying to rehabilitate himself.

Ahh, come on. If you think adversity builds character, then McCain’s alleged downward spiral refutes you. If you think adversity *reveals* character, then McCain is Exhibit A. IOW, he’s always been arrogant, sneaky, stupid, ignorant, and just a little meaner than the Shrub. Plus he shot down more planes than the Shrub, but only because his wingmen didn’t give him enough room.

Hey, Snooki’s hawking a line of self-tanning lotions now:

“But you know after the taxing, you don’t want to deal with that, and friggin’ cancer – so this is a great product to replace all the bad stuff of tanning.”

Friggin’ taxes. Friggin’ cancer. Friggin’ herpes.

Snooki’s hawking a line of self-tanning lotions

Why would an Oompa-Loompa need self-tanner?

But will McCain tax Snooki’s boyfriend’s steroids? Not if Obama does!

Why do I get the feeling that Old Man McCain is tweeting at Snooki for the same reason he picked Palin for his veep — that he’s got the hots for her?

At least I don’t think I was born in the NJ water. although it could explain some things

Lou Costello said he was born under a sink. He could tell because he heard the water running.

Kill me now

No, I like you. I’ll kill him now though, if you like, and if you pay expenses.
(I do a bit of voluntary work in my spare time. Mainly it’s being behind the counter in a charity shop, so being a hitperson would make a nice change.)

McCain has always been a shitheel (regardless of the media narrative), but watching him trade tweefs with this big-boobed Oompa-Loompa is just GAHHHH.
John McCain – sad old moron, or creepy lech grandpa? You make the call.

Still, I’m pretty sure Snooki would hook up with McCain at 3am after 17 jello shots and a fist pump in the face …

Am I glad that I don’t know who Snooki is? Yes I am.

Quoted from a commenter at Huffington post:

“You would think that John might know better than to link himself to another incredibly ignorant woman with a big mouth and no class……BUT NOOOOO! “

John McCain – sad old moron, or creepy lech grandpa? You make the call.

See, that’s the sort of muddled thinking that gets under our skin here at S,N. That is a textbook example of a false dichotomy. John McCain is not limited to one or the other. He is both and more besides. He’s also a vengeful old warmonger, and an avaricious opportunist, and an entitled legacy case. And I am sure he has more faults than we even know about. Who knows? Maybe somewhere in there he has a well hidden virtue or two, although he does his level best to smother them.

I wonder if this is how the Romans felt when they saw their civilization crumbling…

I wonder if this is how the Romans felt when they saw their civilization crumbling…
Between the inbreeding, the orgies, the circuses, and the lead poisoning, I am guessing the Romans never even saw it coming.

Between the inbreeding, the orgies, the circuses, and the lead poisoning, I am guessing the Romans never even saw it coming.

Well, besides the orgies (unfortunately), that pretty much sounds like any red state.

John McCain – sad old moron, or creepy lech grandpa? You make the call.

What 77South said – both, with a trollopy cunt for a wife.

If you think adversity *reveals* character, then McCain is Exhibit A. IOW, he’s always been arrogant, sneaky, stupid, ignorant, and just a little meaner than the Shrub.

DING DING DING DING! Why people continue to lick this crusty old misogynist’s balls is beyond me. Not to be a dick, but being a POW doesn’t automatically make you a good or noble person.

Plus he shot down more planes than the Shrub, but only because his wingmen didn’t give him enough room.

He also *crashed* more planes than Shrub.

You libs are shameless. I’ll have you know that for five and a half years, John Sidney McCain the Third didn’t have any tanning beds or sunscreen. Your crass speculation about his interest in this Jersey whore demeans the brave servicemen of the United States Armed Forces and gives comfort to America’s enemies of Islamofascist terrorists. Therefore you are all the real racists.

Even worse, you leftsist don’t even know the Facts. The Facts state that American War Hero, John Sidney McCain the Third – is cancer-free. He has a doctor’s note from the Mayo clinic. How many of you treasonous liberals have a cancer-free doctor’s note? You can’t deny the Facts and therefore you are all wrong, as usual.

Also, everyone knows that cancer is all part of a liberal plot of eugenics. Well your plots are coming home to roost on the whirlwind because your socialist plan to purge the genetically inferior is only going to wipe out damaged people – like you liberals – and leave Real Patriots like John Sidney McCain the Third cancer-free. And that’s how it’s going to go down. Bookmark it.

T&U, go introduce yourself over at my blog. I posted a notice.

You know who else had a tanning bed?

MOOSELINI, that’s who!

(Remember reading about how she had a tanning bed installed in the governor’s mansion?)

What does it say about America that a slutty Joisey Gurl who’s claim to fame is she slept with enough boys to attract the attention of a failing television network can speak directly to a supposedly dignified Senator, but you and I would have to buy access to get face time over policy?

She does share one thing with many Republican women: she’s responsible for the drunk driving death of a boy.

T&U, go introduce yourself over at my blog. I posted a notice.

On my way…why are you so bossy???!

(Remember reading about how she had a tanning bed installed in the governor’s mansion?)

Okay, I’m going to forgive this one…it is helpful with SAD. Although why she couldn’t get a lightbox like a normal person is beyond me.

why are you so bossy???!

I got a headache.

Although why she couldn’t get a lightbox like a normal person is beyond me.

Cuz she’s a narcissistic former beauty queen?

Hah, when I spent the winter in Antarctica I didn’t have any fancy lightboxes or tanning beds to help me with SAD. Then again, I pretty much went as close as I ever want to get to insane, but when I got back to civilisation and regular days and nights, I got better. What’s her excuse?

Then again, I pretty much went as close as I ever want to get to insane, but when I got back to civilisation and regular days and nights,

I thought they kept minimal staff there during the night for just that reason?

Or was the movie Whiteout just a big lie?

This gave me an awesome idea for a performance piece. I’ll cover myself in sunscreen and lie in a tanning bed and see which one wins.

Of course, if Kate Beckinsale was the only person left at the base, you can be damned sure I’d be staying behind.

We’re talking with John McCain, United States Senator and Presidential candidate. Senator, what are your thoughts on this subject?

“u r right”

Bravo, Senator. Bravo.

cancer-free doctor’s note

Paper cancer is the worst kind of cancer.

Paper cancer is the worst kind of cancer.

papyralnoma?

Okay, I’m going to forgive this one…it is helpful with SAD.

It is important to note that no evidence indicates that tanning beds, where the eyes are generally covered and the subject’s skin is exposed to light, are useful in the treatment of SAD. Furthermore, the light sources in tanning beds are relatively high in UV rays, which can be harmful to both the eyes and the skin.

I thought they kept minimal staff there during the night for just that reason?
That used to be the case, but in the past 10-15 years, they have been trying to do as much as they can get away with in the winter, so the number of people wintering over is getting higher every year.

Given all of the work schedules are set in Denver usually by people that have only spent a summer in Antarctica, if they’ve been there at all, ‘hilarity’ ensues when the construction and remodel people try to meet those goals.

My grandfather died from long-form papyralnoma. He didn’t want to believe it either, kept putting off the tests, no matter how often friends, family or lunatic strangers with “law” degrees kept demanding to see the long-form.

It’s a tragedy, it is.

The idea of Senator McGrumpypants doing the horizontal bop with Snooki on a tanning bed is enough to make me decide that yes is the answer.

for actor212, the perils of tanning beds as demonstrated by some hot blond in a bikini:
OM NOM NOM NOM

My grandfather died from long-form papyralnoma.

Mine died from the surgery. The paper cut was too deep.

the perils of tanning beds as demonstrated by some hot blond in a bikini

I’m in mourning now. And yet strangely excited.

I will never forgive McCain for bringing that…that woman Palin to national attention.

*Sorry, can’t think of a derogatory term good enough to describe what I think of Palin.

“actor212 said,
June 11, 2010 at 15:11

T&U, go introduce yourself over at my blog. I posted a notice.”

Ahem. Whom do I have sexually harrass to get my invite?

“MOOSELINI”

Ha!

I got a headache.

*checking closely for innuendo*

I’m sorry to hear that.

I checked in…my profile’s being all wonky, but I’ll figure it out.

It is important to note that no evidence indicates that tanning beds, where the eyes are generally covered and the subject’s skin is exposed to light, are useful in the treatment of SAD.

Okay, fine. Still, she might have thought it was useful? Is that enough to give her a little break? And do I really care?

By the way, I do not get tanning beds. In fact, they kind of scare me. I mean, being stuck in a box while my skin is irradiated until I get cancer just doesn’t sound that appealing.

Y’all I’m sitting her waiting for my prescriptions. Prepare for me to make this thread my bitch. Boredom demands it!

Whom do I have sexually harrass to get my invite?

Your website has a blog. I didn’t know you’d want another outlet. Did you?

I got a headache.

*checking closely for innuendo*

You forgot to ask how I got it. 😉

By the way, I do not get tanning beds. In fact, they kind of scare me.

One of the funnest dates I’ve ever been on involved a tanning salon.

This a joke, right? Like, this ain’t real, right?

Naw…

“actor212 said,
June 11, 2010 at 15:51

Whom do I have sexually harrass to get my invite?

Your website has a blog. I didn’t know you’d want another outlet. Did you?”

nah, I’m just joshing…but I will spring by and BOOKMARK IT, libs!

Y’all I’m sitting her waiting for my prescriptions. Prepare for me to make this thread my bitch. Boredom demands it!

We’re already your bitch.

You forgot to ask how I got it. 😉

Did you slip and hit your head on the toilet again?

DKW’s right – tanning beds do not treat SAD. I was afflicted with it for years and finally built my own light box – full-spectrum fluorescent is what you need for SAD. Interestingly, as I’ve gotten older the SAD has gone away. I think there was a strong hormonal component to it, and now that those are dropping off…so are my “issues.”

Never did use a tanning bed. I used to get super dark because I tan easily, but have stayed out of the sun for the past 15 years or so and now I’m glad I did. I’m not crazy about having fish-belly-white legs, but on the other hand, it’s pretty nice to consistently have people guess my age over 10 years lower than it is.

”
We’re already your bitch.”

Goddamn right.

Lol. Why do I feel like I should be wearing a leather corset and brandishing a whip?

Did you slip and hit your head on the toilet again?

No. Squinting at Facebook trying to find you because our dear mutual friend DEFRIENDED me so I can’t find you that way…

Why do I feel like I should be wearing a leather corset and brandishing a whip?

INTEREST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Website? Newsletter….mistress?

Don’t make me call you dumbhead again, actor!!!

“actor212 said,
June 11, 2010 at 16:00

Why do I feel like I should be wearing a leather corset and brandishing a whip?

INTEREST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

SHOCKING!!

I’m not crazy about having fish-belly-white legs, but on the other hand, it’s pretty nice to consistently have people guess my age over 10 years lower than it is.

I actually have tan lines on my legs and my feet from walking around in a skirt and flats, which looks pretty ridiculous, but does keep me from looking quite as blindingly white (to people who can only see my lower legs, of course).

Lol. Why do I feel like I should be wearing a leather corset and brandishing a whip?

Maybe for the same reason I think you should.

Wow, who’s the hot chick over at actor’s place with the big gazongas?

I actually have tan lines on my legs and my feet from walking around in a skirt and flats, which looks pretty ridiculous

WEAR SHORTER SKIRTS!

re: HAS-ing a SAD
I’m not a big fan of naturalistic herbal remedies, but St. John’s Wort is apparently actually effective at alleviating mild to moderate depression. Also, the side-effect of photosensitivity isn’t as big a concern for those suffering from light deprivation. NOTE: St. John’s Wort has some contra-indications and interactions with other medication. Also, Vitamin D needs to be supplemented too.

Between the inbreeding, the orgies, the circuses, and the lead poisoning, I am guessing the Romans never even saw it coming.

Well, besides the orgies (unfortunately), that pretty much sounds like any red state.

Believe me, prolonged orgies will put your ‘nads in a ‘red state’..

I actually have tan lines on my legs and my feet from walking around in a skirt and flats, which looks pretty ridiculous

Try riding a bike for three hours on a Saturday afternoon wearing those nylon and spandex uniforms. I look like I spent the day digging into a cesspool.

Squinting at Facebook trying to find you because our dear mutual friend DEFRIENDED me so I can’t find you that way…

VS and I were never Facebook friends, just last.fm friends. I should be fairly easy to find…

Believe me, prolonged orgies will put your ‘nads in a ‘red state’..

Yes, but would you care?

NOTE: St. John’s Wort has some contra-indications and interactions with other medication. Also, Vitamin D needs to be supplemented too.

I take the shit out of some Vitamin D all the time. It has a great anti-inflammatory effect. Also, too, omega threes improve brain health and functioning and can help in some cases with depression.

I should have gotten a lightbox this winter, which was the most miserable fucking winter I’ve ever been through. I’m still recovering.

Try riding a bike for three hours on a Saturday afternoon wearing those nylon and spandex uniforms. I look like I spent the day digging into a cesspool.

SPF 50 is your friend. I have spent every Saturday on the bike since the snow was off the ground, including 100+ miles days for the 5 Saturdays, on my bike and with proper use of sunscreen, I am still repulsively pale.

why are you so bossy???!

He’s a cow?

I should be fairly easy

Yes, you should.

to find…

Oh.

He’s a cow?

According to many, I’m full of bull, so it’s possible.

I had the strangest dream last night. In my dream, John McCain, US Senator and Presidential candidate, was on twitter exchanging tweets with a tart from Jersey Shore.

Wait, what? That was real? Does that mean I really own a flying unicorn named Gus, too?

I have spent every Saturday on the bike since the snow was off the ground, including 100+ miles days for the 5 Saturdays, on my bike and with proper use of sunscreen, I am still repulsively pale.

I use SPF Nuclear Holocaust. (aka 80) still look like I’ve been stomping grapes on all fours.

SPF 50 is your friend. I have spent every Saturday on the bike since the snow was off the ground, including 100+ miles days for the 5 Saturdays, on my bike and with proper use of sunscreen, I am still repulsively pale.

I use SPF 100 sport block stuff and tote around a spray-on sunscreen for touchups. That usually does the trick. Except that NO AMOUNT of sunscreen prevents me from getting freckles on my nose. WTF?

GACK! damn you for making me go find what a ‘snooki’ is. I don’t feel so good now.

damn you for making me go find what a ’snooki’ is.

(u/l eyebleach to Poopy)

Sorry, man.

GACK! damn you for making me go find what a ’snooki’ is. I don’t feel so good now.

I only somehow managed to absorb enough pop culture that I know who she is…it’s so weird how that happens.

Except that NO AMOUNT of sunscreen prevents me from getting freckles on my nose. WTF?

You can probably cut back a bit on the Vitamin D – skin tone has an effect on Vitamin D absorption efficiencies and if you’re fair enough that you freckle at the slightest exposure then you probably get loads of Vtamin D from the sun.

Your mom, however, will still require her regular injections of Vitamin D-KW.

>It’s really sad how he sold his soul, and he doesn’t even seem to care. At least Colin Powell was trying to rehabilitate himself.

Coliin’s a case of don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

McCain’s a case of bitch, you crazy?

Believe me, prolonged orgies will put your ‘nads in a ‘red state’..

Yes, but would you care?

If you’re adverse to a minor infection, you shouldn’t be in the game.

I only somehow managed to absorb enough pop culture that I know who she is…it’s so weird how that happens.

It’s also weird that shows like this gain so much popularity. I really can’t fathom how someone can sit and watch the worlds shittiest people ham it up for the cameras. Reality TV is the networks holding you down and taking a shit on your face. Yet it’s still immensely popular.

If you’re adverse to a minor infection, you shouldn’t be in the game.

It’s why they invented Tinactin.

I really can’t fathom how someone can sit and watch the worlds shittiest people ham it up for the cameras. Reality TV is the networks holding you down and taking a shit on your face. Yet it’s still immensely popular.

You ever look at Bravo’s prime time lineup? The entire frikkin’ network, which USED to be a repository of cultural entertainment and, along with A&E, about the only place you could actually watch ballet and opera, is all “Top Housewives With Tabitha’s Hair” now.

It disgusts me. I’m saddled with Ovation if I want any cultcha now and even that’s hit or miss.

McCain, despite being a ragetastic entitled failmonster, actually did show some ounces of class at his concession. As he’s shown in the past. W wouldn’t know class if it were on death row begging for a pardon.

It’s kind of a weighing thing. GHWB was not as bad as cottage-cheese-zombie-brain Reagan, but OTOH he was a liar who committed high treason. So there’s that.

It’s why they invented Tinactin.

D-KW’s mom would like to thanks the scientists.

economic viability, and all that.

Reading the thread I got enough information to know that , yes, I’m glad I don’t watch tv. I don’t have to actually see a snooki to know I would be appalled and repulsed. I bet her boyfriends are real charmers, too.

Reality TV is the networks holding you down and taking a shit on your face. Yet it’s still immensely popular.

That’s why it’s popular – because reality showcases people who are worse people than the ones who are watching. It allows the viewers to feel some superiority.

I bet her boyfriends are real charmers

Put it this way: she wears full makeup (which she desperately needs) to the gym in order to meet hot guys.

That’s from her MTV bio, I’m told.

if you’re fair enough that you freckle at the slightest exposure then you probably get loads of Vtamin D from the sun.

Yeah, I’ve cut down a little now that it’s almost summer. I may cut down more, because research is starting to become conflicting as hell as to whether it helps prevent autoimmune diseases or makes them worse…

That’s why it’s popular – because reality showcases people who are worse people than the ones who are watching. It allows the viewers to feel some superiority.

It’s popular because it’s cheap to produce, the “actors” are non-union, the writers can’t file grievances with the WGA since it’s “unscripted,” and since they shoot digital, they don’t even have to worry about wasting tape. The networks love them, and that’s why they’ll market those shits like there’s no tomorrow, forcing them to be popular.

Yet it’s still immensely popular.

With networks who have been using the reality format to get around industry union contracts.

It’s all about money. The viewership is actually so shit that the advertisers have been revolting and demanding lower prices for the last few years. And they’ve completely lost “the demo” (18-35 males) to video games, which, huh, like tv dramas of yore, TELL A STORY, use REAL models, voice actors, etc, and have scripted music, like TV shows up until the 1990’s when shows like Dawson’s Creek opened up TV to the world of recording industry payola and put TV composers out of work… or fleeing to video games.

Also, is it just me, or are more movies getting produced than were in the 1990’s? And there’s way more crossover? Unused capacity from TV pouring into film, plus all that sw33t silicon valley venture capital money? Or am I tripping balls again?

I’m not trying to be a pretentious asshole, here, but I have no fucking idea how the fuck people can even watch these shows. They’re PAINFUL. I only have so much time to devote toward television–why the fuck would I want to waste it with people I would hate if I met them on the street?

psych!

Also, is it just me, or are more movies getting produced than were in the 1990’s? And there’s way more crossover? Unused capacity from TV pouring into film, plus all that sw33t silicon valley venture capital money? Or am I tripping balls again?

No, I think you’re right. At the very least, there’s DEFINITELY more crossover. It’s sad.

It allows the viewers to feel some superiority.

Mostly it just allows me to feel bored and depressed. Also most “reality” tv is about a real as tv wrestling.

I only have so much time to devote toward television–why the fuck would I want to waste it with people I would hate if I met them on the street?

The only good Shakespeare play is Henry V.

I’m not trying to be a pretentious asshole, here, but I have no fucking idea how the fuck people can even watch these shows.

two scenarios: painfully stupid narcissist. I know a painfully stupid narcissist at work who is addicted to MTV and BET*. She even decided she wanted to be a prison guard from watching some show about lockup. NOT KIDDING. (She is a bus driver; that is a MUCH easier job with good pay and bennies.)

person who must have TV on in background at all times. this horrible waster of electricity also typically lives alone so they’re lonely, but they hate people, hence they live alone and waste electricity, so they have TV blaring all the time and it’s usually reality TV because hey, they’re going around with their day, it’s not something they’re going to sit down and watch like Matlock or American Idol*.

*-BET today is SO awful, it’s even worse than it was when Boondocks was calling out its unbelievable awfulness. I blame the move from DC to LA–all pretense of serious programming goes out the window, plus (for execs) you gain distance from anyone who might criticize you at dinner parties.

**-which while ‘reality’ is closer in format to quiz shows than the reality shows we’re talking about

That’s why it’s popular – because reality showcases people who are worse people than the ones who are watching. It allows the viewers to feel some superiority.

What kind of basket case needs validation from a loser’s “mental projection of the digital self”? Seriously. If you feel a sense of superiority, rather than an appropriate response (like, say, a gained understanding for the idea of mercy killings), than I must say you should probably find yourself a spot on one of these shows.

psych!

Yea, but yours was fuller.

I don’t watch reality teevees, so I didn’t know what a Snooki was until I started googling. I do know that I don’t know enough about Nicole Polizzi to have mouch of an opinion about her. Sure, she’s one of those “famous for being famous” types – but aside from generalized skankitude and unsafe tanning bed practices, I don’t know her position on anything.

I mean, yes – totes not a good role model (what with her ultimate goal of landing the perfect husband) but aside from myself, who here can say that they would be a perfect role model for today’s youth?

two scenarios:

Here’s the thing–I know people who I think are fairly intelligent, stable people who watch this shit. I mean, I guess it could be the brain equivalent of eating candy for lunch, which I would never, ever do either, of course.

I’m not trying to be a pretentious asshole, here, but I have no fucking idea how the fuck people can even watch these shows.

In kind, is it any different than Oprah or a soap opera?

Also, is it just me, or are more movies getting produced than were in the 1990’s? And there’s way more crossover? Unused capacity from TV pouring into film, plus all that sw33t silicon valley venture capital money? Or am I tripping balls again?

But what about the A Team? Irrefutable proof that movies are teh awesome!

I just threw up a little.

I don’t know her position on anything.

Sure you do. You pay your mom bookoo dinero to bend like her.

totes not a good role model (what with her ultimate goal of landing the perfect husband) but aside from myself, who here can say that they would be a perfect role model for today’s youth?

I don’t care if she’s a bad role model, I just think she’s stupid and boring and famous for no reason.

I think mostly it’s popular because people have pretty much become addicted to tv and now this crap is all that’s on it anymore. If you are desperate for a fix even the bad shit seems like a good idea at the time.

In kind, is it any different than Oprah or a soap opera?

Soap operas: no.

Oprah: yes. I have to give her credit for her reading program, and she does address serious issues from time to time, so I can’t totally hate her. I’d use The Today Show as a better comparison.

Here’s the thing: I can understand “Real Life” or “Road Rules” or “Jersey Shore” on the MTV because THAT’S WHAT ADOLESCENTS DO.

That stage of life, everyone is seeking their peer level, the people they fit in with and they put down everyone else because it helps their identification with whatever “gang” they’ve taken up with.

So I’m cool with that. MTV is just the cafeteria on a larger scale.

What I can’t understand is that this same shit is showing up on programming geared to people my age.

At the very least, there’s DEFINITELY more crossover. It’s sad.

What’s really sad is that they’ve screwed the pooch on their revenue model.

People I know (broke people) watch bootleg movies when they’re bored. If they have a bootleg movie, then only the most important sports game is going to preempt that. Any other TV is by definition out the window. (Sole exception: an old movie that everyone likes is being shown with minimal commercial interruption. BLUE LAGOON was one such movie and so was STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN. Actually, I think that was quite possibly the most popular work movie ever. (I had to get out of there… my geek was showing.))

TV that people would shut off everything else to see is just gone, with possible exception of events like American Idol finals or certain sports events.

What about people with money? Oh yeah, TiVo. TV is fucked.

Movies are kinda fucked too, unless they can get enough people to buy opening week tickets. (Broke people don’t. Generally you have to create a sensation or a spectacle.)

Basically, everything is fucked. Me, I got Netflix.

In kind, is it any different than Oprah or a soap opera?

No. I don’t believe it is much different. At least Oprah has some good qualities. I see it as a spectrum between Oprah and Jerry Springer, Oprah being near the top. Actually, I should amend that, because shows like Hannity and O’Reilly are even worse. There is a big difference between taking a look at some loser’s life and trying to manipulate the voting public into being phuktarded repukes.

The Today Show: television for rest homes.

Oprah: yes. I have to give her credit for her reading program, and she does address serious issues from time to time, so I can’t totally hate her.

I didn’t say “in degree” I said in kind. Oprah’s program exposes some pretty ugly parts of humanity and celebrity, then she puts a bandage on her reputation by trotting out “uplifting” programs.

That’s not doing it for me, sorry.

>Yea, but yours was fuller.

wow, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, actor

(i’m proud of my poopies too)

Any other TV is by definition out the window

Yeah, we don’t have cable. We have Netflix and a dedicated media server that we download torrents on. Mr. T&U watches Antiques Roadshow once a week, and we miiiiiight watch the Newshour. But you know, if there wasn’t such shitty-ass shit on TV, I think a lot of people would consider cable.

Oprah’s program exposes some pretty ugly parts of humanity and celebrity, then she puts a bandage on her reputation by trotting out “uplifting” programs.

But that’s entertainment? Hey, I won’t kid you: I’m fascinated by Cold Case Files (the original, not the drama). (Funny story, I actually don’t care for CSI & related shows.)

I can’t stand Oprah because of the whole promoting frauds and scams, Dr. Phil, Frey, Chopra, Jenny McCarthy, etc, etc. Fuck that noise.

I didn’t say “in degree” I said in kind. Oprah’s program exposes some pretty ugly parts of humanity and celebrity, then she puts a bandage on her reputation by trotting out “uplifting” programs.

That’s not doing it for me, sorry.

Plus, she’s responsible for that unqualified, bullying asshole Dr. Phil.

wow, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, actor

yea, but I didn’t say “fuller of what”.

Don’t let it go to your head.

Also, is it just me, or are more movies getting produced than were in the 1990’s? And there’s way more crossover? Unused capacity from TV pouring into film, plus all that sw33t silicon valley venture capital money? Or am I tripping balls again?

I don’t know, but I feel like there’s definitely more remakes. Remakes, sequels, prequels, reboots, reimaginings, adaptations and the like, but this wasn’t a very original decade.

But you know, if there wasn’t such shitty-ass shit on TV, I think a lot of people would consider cable.

I only had cable for one reason: Daily Show.

Which I now get over cable internet.

Hey, my cable company doesn’t much care… but I’m sure Sumner Redstone doesn’t sleep well these days.

I can’t stand Oprah because of the whole promoting frauds and scams, Dr. Phil, Frey, Chopra, Jenny McCarthy, etc, etc. Fuck that noise.

Whoop, there it is!

There are some reality shows I do enjoy.

For example, “Clean House” is a really good show. A crew comes into a house that’s cluttered beyond belief, clears the clutter, sells it at a yard sale to pay for a remodel of three rooms, and in the process helps the family solve some internal crisis that created the mess in the first place..

It always reminds me that my own apartment could stand some straightening up. And yea, there’s the guilty pleasure of seeing someone who’s messier than I am.

’m fascinated by Cold Case Files (the original, not the drama).

The husband used to watch The First 48 allllll the time. I swear, it was on, like, 14 times a day. I was like, dude, I really am not interested in seeing the investigations of the separate murders of 5 young black men in the span of less than two hours. He would also watch that show about the Philly parking department, which was…ugh…I think I’d rather watch the Jersey Shore.

And yea, there’s the guilty pleasure of seeing someone who’s messier than I am.

Um, yeah, that’s why I used to watch that show, too.

I have wondered about a few of those people, though…I think some of them might be hoarders.

Remakes, sequels, prequels, reboots, reimaginings, adaptations and the like, but this wasn’t a very original decade.

Actually, this central to my point, because all of that shit used to go down on TV. Remember TV movies? I mean, they used to have reunion shows, reunion movies, spinoff series, etc.

Now they make movies. Many of them have been crap, but so were the TV versions. We were just conditioned to expect more out of a movie, hence the hatred towards Lost in Space.

I guess Starsky & Hutch movie was a sign. I had some friends who loved that movie because Snoop Dogg was in it and they thought Owen Wilson was okay. They (like myself) were much too young to have ever seen the first run. Old fans of the series were retching.

The most recent Trek movie was like this (a riff, rather than a faithful adaptation) although it was closer to the source material because Trek was so popular they risked losing their audience. You notice with comics-based movies they don’t give a rip what prior fans think. Sometimes this blows up in their face, eg Superman Returns. Hello, Superman may come from “comics” but everyone knows who Superman is!!! epic fail.

I guess Starsky & Hutch movie was a sign.

Wait, what? Why?

I mean, why the movie, not why was it a sign?

And yea, there’s the guilty pleasure of seeing someone who’s messier than I am.

The UK version of “How Clean Is Your House?” is totally awesome. (The US-produced versions mostly suck.)

Yes, it’s infotainment, but it’s done with style. And I did pick up some good cleaning tips. (The info on bacteria and dust mites is quite motivating.)

A Starsky sign?

What’s neat about the UK version also is that they show you how to make your own cleaning materials or explain why some might be better or worse environmentally or for your lungs when you’re using them. There’s an emphasis on generic or cheap or homemade.

The US version was a long ad for the P&G product line. Swiffers, etc. They also used 3M rolls at one point but blocked out the name. What, 3M wouldn’t pay? Masuka.

Yes, it sucks when franchises try to “broaden” their audience (often via a movie) and do so at the expense of the original material and fan base.

One exception; “Serenity.” Watched it after I watched “Firefly,” and thought it did a great job of staying faithful to the show despite the requirements of satisfying broader audiences. Too bad the series itself was cut off at the legs in the first place, though.

The US version was a long ad for the P&G product line. Swiffers, etc. They also used 3M rolls at one point but blocked out the name. What, 3M wouldn’t pay?

Yeah, I watched that once or twice and noticed the same thing.

We make our all-purpose cleanser thing and use vinegar and baking soda for pretty much everything. I do still use bleach sometimes, though, because I am a Bad Person.

>I mean, why the movie, not why was it a sign?

I thought I explained in my post. It was a well-known TV franchise, but instead of making something faithful to the original, only movie-sized (you know, like STAR TREK II), they did something that could only be described as a riff on the original.

Previously they’d only done this to books (who reads those?) and (sometimes) comic book characters. To do that with such a well-known media franchise was a clear sign that this was going to become the order of the day.

While this could potentially be more creative than a slavish devotion to the past, in actuality it simply means that a monotonous sameness is imposed on all media products, as they are “updated” for the most current audience. It might be “fresh” but nothing in the refrigerator aisle stays fresh for long, as they’re already stale after a few months.

In this analogy I suppose classic movies would be akin to fine wine. Or something.

I liked the use of lemons because I hate the smell of white vinegar. But one of my friends did me one better: pure citric acid. NO. BLOODY. SMELL.

She bought as powder from chemical supply, so much cheaper than white vinegar as well. (Which is already cheap!!)

Gee. I don’t watch teevee so I got nuttin to say. Except BUTTSEKS on Wall Street ?

I do still use bleach sometimes, though, because I am a Bad Person.

We’re all told not to get out of the boat. But sometimes bleach is necessary.

Too bad the series itself was cut off at the legs in the first place, though.

Fox sucks. I never even watched the show during its TV run b/c it was marketed as something I would never watch. Plus apparently they sliced and diced episodes.

Someone I knew was saying it was good even so, but she was a fan of GWB so I put that on “ignore”. Oh well. (DVDs are my precious.)

One exception; “Serenity.” Watched it after I watched “Firefly,” and thought it did a great job of staying faithful to the show despite the requirements of satisfying broader audiences. Too bad the series itself was cut off at the legs in the first place, though.

I was not *thrilled* with Serenity*, but I think it’s precisely because the show was cut off at the legs. They had to tie all of this shit up in an hour and a half that they were probably planning to expound on at least a few more seasons.

Yet the Cleveland Show (which I didn’t even know about until yesterday) has been picked up for another season…**

* I’m not normally a pouty fangirl, but I’m sure the fact that they killed off Wash has something to do with that.

**Who the FUCK is Seth MacFarlane blowing at Fox, anyway?

The husband used to watch The First 48 allllll the time. Boring. Desperation watch. Except for that one hispanic detective from Houston (the bilingual guy). That man is a fucking GENIUS. Most of the cops on First 48 are stupid to boot, so…

Now I will watch Animal Cops. I’m not even that much of an animal fan. But it’s… uplifting. I can’t explain it.

(There’s a show about parking tickets? What’s the big excitement, laying the boot? The annual discovery of the dead body in the back seat? Eh?)

Snooki reminds McWrinkly of Caribou Grifter Barbie.

I was not *thrilled* with Serenity*, but I think it’s precisely because the show was cut off at the legs. They had to tie all of this shit up in an hour and a half that they were probably planning to expound on at least a few more seasons.

There was talk of them making more movies back when Serenity came out, but I haven’t heard anything since.

Who the FUCK is Seth MacFarlane blowing at Fox, anyway?

I wish I fucking knew. AFAIK he is successful purely on his own merits in the overpriced models for smelly OTAKU with more money than brains world (500 limited edition versions of SPAWN), but how he gets to keep crapping out crappy TV I will never know.

He seriously had to blow someone to get The Cleveland Show on the air. Ugh. Fuck MacFarlane. Your shit does so smell.

Maybe it got a jump in the ratings because people thought it was a reality show about Cleveland.

What’s the big excitement, laying the boot?

It’s Philadelphia, so it’s mostly about stubborn, rude, stupid people yelling a lot.

Cindy better watch her back. McSongbird might be lining up wife #3. Cindy has reached her sell-by date.

There was talk of them making more movies back when Serenity came out, but I haven’t heard anything since.

Joss Whedon is not having good luck in Hollywood, despite crafting entertainment that people want to watch and keep coming back to.

Meanwhile JJ Abrams is on top of the world. There is no justice.

* I’m not normally a pouty fangirl, but I’m sure the fact that they killed off Wash has something to do with that.

More Zoe for me! [demonic laughter]

There was talk of them making more movies back when Serenity came out, but I haven’t heard anything since.

I think it’s been long enough that I really doubt that will happen. Nathan Fillion’s on to something else (I can’t quite remember what), and Whedon’s working on The Avengers and shit.

I was pretty “meh” about Dollhouse, but I was sad to see it canceled, especially since Eliza Dushku is hot and I loooove Olivia Williams.

AFAIK he is successful purely on his own merits in the overpriced models for smelly OTAKU with more money than brains world (500 limited edition versions of SPAWN), but how he gets to keep crapping out crappy TV I will never know.

Wait. I’m confused. Are you talking about Seth MacFarlane or Todd McFarlane?

Meanwhile JJ Abrams is on top of the world.

I don’t get it, either. I mean, Whedon’s killed off a few people I’d rather have stick around, and the last couple seasons of Buffy were kind of iffy, but at least he wasn’t the executive producer of a show that completely pulled the rug out under fans with some of the laziest fucking TV writing I HAVE EVER SEEN.

Joss Whedon is not having good luck in Hollywood

He wrote the script for Waterworld. What did you expect?

He wrote the script for Waterworld. What did you expect?

Let me rephrase: He wrote A script for Waterworld that was so bad, it was tossed out in favor of the script they ran with.

Let me rephrase: He wrote A script for Waterworld that was so bad, it was tossed out in favor of the script they ran with.

I doubt that it was any worse than what they went with.

No way, man. Family Guy is still a great show. The Simpsons is still very watchable (Homer as your typical white American).

I saw CSI mentioned earlier–now that might be the most unwatchable fucking show in the history of *original* television.

Popping in to boldly admit my liking for Serenity, Family Guy and Abram’s Star Trek.

As always, I heart tsam!!

Family Guy, for me, can be up or down. The Simpsons is consistently funny, but its become formulaic and pretty well by-the-numbers. It’s the little jokes and gags that are funny on that show now.

Family Guy takes chances and sometimes falls flat but sometimes can soar.

I will always watch Simpsons but it doesn’t give me that thrill it used to.

And yea, there’s the guilty pleasure of seeing someone who’s messier than I am.

Thank God for Hoarders…

No way, man. Family Guy is still a great show.

Really? I think it’s gotten stale stale stalestalestalestaaaaaaaaaaale. I mean, some of the little spin-off meta-bits in the show are funny sometimes, but the latest episodes I’ve seen (which was, admittedly, 2-3 seasons ago), seemed like the shows were basically constructed just to do that because they’d run out of ideas. And I know they deliberately try to tread the line between funny and offensive, but they wind up on the “offensive” side often enough that I don’t really dig it.

Then again, I really fucking despise South Park (though I do think the first season is watchable), so a lot of people think I have no sense of humor, period.

Ohhh, Ambinder’s being fucking stupid on Twitter again.

As always, I heart tsam!!

Aw…**blush**

Family Guy takes chances and sometimes falls flat but sometimes can soar.

I love that Family Guy takes chances, and I love the esoteric humor, old references to people and things that never occur to me, and just the general fuck you to the censorship crowd attitude. While the Simpsons may be somewhat formulaic, it never gets old. I have no idea how they do that, but I don’t think I’m alone in loving that show throughout my adult life.

Related, I am going to pimp the fuck out of this podcast again. It regularly makes me die.

And, yeah, I think The Simpsons has jumped the shark a little, but they’d have to do something pretty fucking terrible in order for me to talk shit on it.

Family Guy has crossed a line or two with me. I take it for granted that once in a blue moon the show will do something to make me cringe. Beyond that I often find audatiously hilarious.

Joss Whedon is not having good luck in Hollywood, despite crafting entertainment that people want to watch and keep coming back to.

Meanwhile JJ Abrams is on top of the world. There is no justice.

Truer words were never spoken.

I think it’s been long enough that I really doubt that will happen. Nathan Fillion’s on to something else (I can’t quite remember what), and Whedon’s working on The Avengers and shit.

Yes, but sooner or later, I think someone may realize what a missed opportunity it was and try to re-start the show (with or without Whedon, for the money more than anything else). Kind of like all the Star Trek movies and spin offs that came out of the eighties, ten years after the show itself had ended.

(That doesn’t mean I think the result will be any good).

Also,

I don’t get it, either. I mean, Whedon’s killed off a few people I’d rather have stick around, and the last couple seasons of Buffy were kind of iffy, but at least he wasn’t the executive producer of a show that completely pulled the rug out under fans with some of the laziest fucking TV writing I HAVE EVER SEEN.

I assume you mean Lost?

Never watched it myself, but I did see a couple episodes of Alias and couldn’t get into it. At the time I thought it was just my male chauvinism (the show got marketed as James Bond for women), but having seen Cloverfield and Star Trek, I’m inclined to think it’s Abrams in general that’s not my thing.

Then again, I really fucking despise South Park (though I do think the first season is watchable), so a lot of people think I have no sense of humor, period.

There’s a line. It’s an “I don’t know how to define it, but I know it when I see it” type of thing. South Park spends an awful lot of time on the wrong side of it. People tell me I have no sense of humor either, but then I get bored with watching teenage douchbags kick each other in the junk after about 10 minutes too. Family Guy rides the line closely enough for me. I’ve managed to still enjoy it.

I assume you mean Lost?

Yup. I watched a little bit of Alias, but it was really, really fucking terrible. Really terrible.

Lost was ridiculous, but had a lot of cool, interesting shit going for it that they just fucked up in season 6 and completely obliterated the last hour of the show.

I haven’t seen Cloverfield, and Star Trek was better than I expected, but that’s not really saying much.

I think he has some good ideas, but makes a mess carrying them out.

Guilty pleasure: Burn Notice and In Plain Sight.

Flame away, mfers!

There’s a line. It’s an “I don’t know how to define it, but I know it when I see it” type of thing. South Park spends an awful lot of time on the wrong side of it.

I think the whole “But they make fun of everybody!” thing is fucking bullshit, especially since the writers are two white, het, libertarian dudes.

I will say that I don’t think Family Guy is as bad, and I appreciate that they do the same sort of thing, but in a much more surreal, obscure pop culture-referential context. It’s definitely a far smarter show than South Park.

I don’t believe in guilty pleasures. I’m a long-time soap watcher and I don’t care who knows.

At the time I thought it was just my male chauvinism

I doubt it. I gave up on Alias after about half a dozen episodes because I couldn’t stand the repeated kicks to my feminism. Sydney was the worst spy ever. She got caught, literally, on every mission. She could not sneak into a child’s birthday party. She was a master superspy who could not figure out from first principles that she was working for the bad guys. I simply could not bear the incompetence any longer.

I gave up on Alias after about half a dozen episodes because I couldn’t stand the repeated kicks to my feminism.

Exactly.

I think the whole “But they make fun of everybody!” thing is fucking bullshit, especially since the writers are two white, het, libertarian dudes.

There’s a difference between being equal opportunity satirists and just being asshole instigators. The whole Mohammed thing, I thought, was just fucking stupid of them. First of all, that of deadly retaliation is REAL. Now if they wish to take that risk upon themselves, I have no issue with that–in fact I admire it a little. However, you do NOT put your coworkers in the line of fire without their consent.

It speaks to the larger issue we have in this country about just how to deal with violent extremists–regardless of religious affiliation. The solution won’t be found sitting on top of the rifle sights. It has more to do with education, respect, and even-handed foreign policy, instead of the usual condescension with which we so love, as exceptional US Americans, to view the rest of the world.

I don’t believe in guilty pleasures. I’m a long-time soap watcher and I don’t care who knows.

Ok, are you my twin sister? I don’t want to break up the whole flirty vibe, but you remind me of myself, which makes you awfully fucking cool.

OK, I’ll admit that last night I started watching Torchwood. Which reminds me, just go out and buy a streaming capable LG or Samsung blu-ray player with WiFi. Seriously, I take pride in not being consumerist but some things are just fucking worth it. For less than two and a half Franklins you get a very good blu-ray player but the instant Netflix has to be the best value since forever.

OK, I’ll admit that last night I started watching Torchwood.

EEEEE! Isn’t John Barrowman dreeeeeamyyyy???

but the instant Netflix has to be the best value since forever.

Amen to that. Let’s just hope that it doesn’t become the ghetto movie outlet (as it currently stands, but I think that has more to do with the ability to get the catalog ready for streaming). I would pay a little more every month to have access to the full range of movies online. Still, $10? Fucking brilliant.

It speaks to the larger issue we have in this country about just how to deal with violent extremists–regardless of religious affiliation. The solution won’t be found sitting on top of the rifle sights. It has more to do with education, respect, and even-handed foreign policy, instead of the usual condescension with which we so love, as exceptional US Americans, to view the rest of the world.

Word.

“Ok, are you my twin sister? I don’t want to break up the whole flirty vibe, but you remind me of myself, which makes you awfully fucking cool.”

I know. It’s fucking creepy how we always seem to be on the same plane. Creepy cool.

EEEEE! Isn’t John Barrowman dreeeeeamyyyy???

Oh, most undoubtedly.

The whole Mohammed thing, I thought, was just fucking stupid of them.

Well, the whole idea around it, which other people participated in, was fucking stupid and offensive, in my opinion. I mean, something like TWO BILLION people are Muslim, and ALL of those people will be offended by it, not just extremists. I don’t care if you think what they believe is bullshit–part of being a decent human being is being respectful of other people’s deeply held personal beliefs. (Within reason, of course).

For animated hilarity, I can’t recommend Archer enough. We’ve been streaming it on Netflix but I think it’s on Adult Swim. It’s a show about a highly dysfunctional private espionage firm, so kind of like the Office meets Get Smart but with some of the most inappropriate gags ever (usually having to do with ball gags, paddles, call girls, lemurs and drugs).

I think the whole “But they make fun of everybody!” thing is fucking bullshit, especially since the writers are two white, het, libertarian dudes.

“I hate conservatives, but I really fucking hate liberals” sums up the show more for me. It’s the ethic of being anti-everything, never having had an idea or an accomplishment of your own but mercilessly tearing into everyone who has. In other words, libertarianism.

In fairness, I do laugh at a lot of the show, but the “South Park Republican” mindset isn’t a pretty thing.

Goddamn. Seriously. Marc Ambinder is painfully dumb. PAINFULLY. And defensive about it.

It’s the ethic of being anti-everything, never having had an idea or an accomplishment of your own but mercilessly tearing into everyone who has. In other words, libertarianism.

I think you hit the nail on the head. There’s only so much misanthropy I can stand.

Metalocalypse. That is all.

No wait, DIE!

Alvin Greene WTF interveiw. Is he a plant? I would say potted plant.

Guilty pleasure: Celebrity Apprentice.

Where else can you learn that Brett Michaels has way better leadership skills than Rod Blagoivich. Hell, Cindy Lauper would have made a more competant Governor.

I wish HOME MOVIES were still on the air. I can’t get into Metalocalypse no matter how hard I try.

It’s fucking creepy how we always seem to be on the same plane. Creepy cool.

Is it too soon for me to ask where the dual sex tape is?

Well, for my animated pleasure, I am now just catching up on what had been under the radar before my granddaughter brought it to my attention — Phineas and Ferb are hilarious, and I laugh far harder and longer than the 5 year old that we are supposedly DVR’ing it for!

“Is it too soon for me to ask where the dual sex tape is?”

What’s dual sex tape? Is it double-sided?

Does anyone have any techniques for stopping yourself from wanting to scream “Shut the FUCK UP, you DUMBSHIT!” to a co-worker?

Does anyone have any techniques for stopping yourself from wanting to scream “Shut the FUCK UP, you DUMBSHIT!” to a co-worker?

I just had three beers during lunch with my father.

What’s dual sex tape? Is it double-sided?

Very sticky.

Does anyone have any techniques for stopping yourself from wanting to scream “Shut the FUCK UP, you DUMBSHIT!” to a co-worker?

I like to Irish up my coffee with a little Jameson’s.

Does anyone have any techniques for stopping yourself from wanting to scream “Shut the FUCK UP, you DUMBSHIT!” to a co-worker?

I, like the conservatives of the 1930s, find that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems.

My commiserations, though. Que es el context?

@JohnMcain: ZOMG STFU plzkthxbye

What I can’t understand is that this same shit is showing up on programming geared to people my age.

The game is simple: convice as many people as possible that they can cheat the calendar through the magic of cultivating a Bitchen Tude & thus stay childlike forever. Children are very easy to manipulate &/or con … & they’ll gladly follow their heros over a cliff on command. Adult children have all the positive points of the real thing without the negatives (like sharp native wit or intense curiosity) & much bigger bank-accounts. Plus the frustration of perpetually chumping themselves with this impossible bullshit makes them into just the sort of juicy bundle of neuroses that will reliably cough up serious wampum for whatever shiny new surrogate nipple the market is trying to pimp this month.

In a more direct fashion this principle applies to any army. Armies might well function much better if everyone signing up was in their 30s or over – but folks of that age are generally a bit too smart to get suckered into any of that crazy shit. Teenagers have a desperate need for praise & approval & don’t know any better, so they make ideal victims recruits.

No alcohol on hand. Out of desk gin. If I drank as much as she annoys me, I would be wasted at work all the time. Jesus help me. She is such a cuntscab.

yeah, I’ve noticed my tv-watching has been going down, but I figured it was because I had work to do or work to chase or just hang out at Sadly No, which is more entertaining.

But this discussion has kind of showed me that the real problem is the 1000 channels of shit. I may be atypical, but I don’t need the damn thing on all the time. Rather listen to music.

But there are a few shows I really like. Daily Show, and Colbert; Olbermann and Maddow. Dirty Jobs. Mythbusters. And Rescue Me is coming back for another season, I thought Tommy was dead.

Meanwhile, I wish people would stop watching all the reality show crap. Unlike a lot of zombies, I don’t like my brains pre-softened.

Does anyone have any techniques for stopping yourself from wanting to scream “Shut the FUCK UP, you DUMBSHIT!” to a co-worker?

Boot to the head.

I never hit the tubes without SPF (Stupidity Protection Factor) 50 or better these days.

That won’t protect you against UVA (ultra vacuous assholes).

My commiserations, though. Que es el context?

She’s 26 years old and has the maturity of, oh, a twelve-year-old girl. She is one of the dumbest people I have ever met in my entire life. She is the most annoying person I have ever met in my entire life.

I have so many stories about how fucking dumb she is, I couldn’t even begin. I will briefly say that she assists two doctors and was going on and on to various kids coming here for a summer research program that they would need to get tested for “the TB virus.” Someone corrected her and she was all snotty about it, until I corrected her, too, and explained it, which caused her to ask me “WHERE are you READING THIS?” in a snotty fucking voice, to which I responded, “Um, my head. Because I know stuff.”

She also didn’t know about the oil “spill” until about two weeks ago and asked me if oil was “natural” and how did the oil get into the ocean in the first place?

Sorry. I’ll shut up. It’s just that she’s, like, a younger, skinnier, blonde, less hot, equally racist, Midwestern version of Sarah Palin.

I can’t get into Metalocalypse no matter how hard I try.

The episode where Nathan Explosion turns Florida into a libertarian paradise by repealing all laws is pretty good.

She’s also constantly talking about trying to score a husband and how she wants to have kids in the next couple of years because she doesn’t want to be an “old mom.” I’d like to kick her in the crooch.

Sorry. I’ll shut up. It’s just that she’s, like, a younger, skinnier, blonde, less hot, equally racist, Midwestern version of Sarah Palin.

Obviously time for you to start medicating her. You could try a little xanax in her coffee to just take the edge off, or you could shoot the moon with a really heavy dose of acid, though that might present you with certain moral dilemmas.

I went through a phase where I didn’t watch anything current, I just got really into stuff that had recently been canceled (The Wire, The Sopranos, etc.). Now I’m into Justified*, and all is right with the world.

*The show, not the Justin Timberlake album.**
**Not that I know the titles of any Justin Timberlake albums or anything.

Obviously time for you to start medicating her. You could try a little xanax in her coffee to just take the edge off, or you could shoot the moon with a really heavy dose of acid, though that might present you with certain moral dilemmas.

I almost wonder if she’s medicated sometimes…she’s really thin and high-strung, and she often looks like a drugged-out Stepford Wife. Oh, and she can’t dress herself. And she has a giant head. Oh, and best of all? She’s in a master’s program for health management, so she’ll run your hospital someday!

And she has a giant head.

Hey! Some of my best friends are lollypops.

The episode where Nathan Explosion turns Florida into a libertarian paradise by repealing all laws is pretty good.

I’ll try to find that online somewhere and give it a watch.

T&U, I sympathize. We’ve got the stupidest woman alive working in medical records… You might get some satisfaction from making a voodoo doll and investing in a LARGE box of pins.

She just said “releasement”?

Oh, sweet Jesus, T&U. You’ll just have to kill her. I don’t see any other way out…

Marion, seriously. That’s just a teeeny tiny example. I really, really hate wasting this much negative emotion on such an idiot, but I’m getting to the point where I can’t help it.

I really fucking despise South Park

Teh. Suck.

It was not funny in season one. It was not funny in this last season. It has not been funny in between.

It has never been funny, and I know from funny.

I just can’t believe that people still watch it, really.

Oh! She also said that the Obamas were a good example for black people because their children are clean and don’t wear crazy braids in their hair.

It may be time to just start fucking with her head. Small things. If she uses an optical mouse, paste a little piece of paper over the LED on the bottom… Move stuff around on her desk when she’s out… I once put about 5 grasshoppers in an annoying co-worker’s desk drawer, to great effect.

Guilty pleasure: Burn Notice and In Plain Sight.

Flame away, mfers!

Gabrielle Anwar has not aged well.

But I would do Mary McCormack like a blow up doll, and use DKW’s as a dildo when I ran out of gas.

the instant Netflix has to be the best value since forever.

iPad!

I have so many stories about how fucking dumb she is, I couldn’t even begin. I will briefly say that she assists two doctors and was going on and on to various kids coming here for a summer research program that they would need to get tested for “the TB virus.” Someone corrected her and she was all snotty about it, until I corrected her, too, and explained it, which caused her to ask me “WHERE are you READING THIS?” in a snotty fucking voice, to which I responded, “Um, my head. Because I know stuff.”

Bleargh.

The snottiness would definitely drive me to drink. I don’t actually mind people being less-than-completely-intelligent if they’re nice people, good people, you know, that kind of stuff. Pretentious stupidity, that’s something else again.

And I agree with Marion’s suggestion.

I can’t get into Metalocalypse no matter how hard I try.

Robot Chicken FTW.

Oops! Seth MacFarlane!

She’s also constantly talking about trying to score a husband and how she wants to have kids in the next couple of years because she doesn’t want to be an “old mom.” I’d like to kick her in the crooch.

Repeat after me:

“Say! Have you met Snooki?”

A while ago I realized that the only thing I ever watched regularly on teevees was compilations of humorous intertrons videos. At that point, I kinda stopped watching teevee. Now I watch my television summary of funny internetses on the internet.

Robot Chicken FTW.

Oops! Seth MacFarlane!

That’s Seth Green, you goof. Who I actually like.

…and use DKW’s as a dildo when…

Fucking DKW’s, how do they work?

You’ll just have to kill her. I don’t see any other way out…

Now, now. I hear that’s often frowned upon in the workplace.

A timely dose of good old low-tech blunt-force trauma to her speech-centre might make you into an office heroine, though.

Things like Morning Glory, DMSO, DMT or 2C-B slipped into her lunch might also lighten the mood around the office.

A timely dose of good old low-tech blunt-force trauma to her speech-centre might make you into an office heroine, though.

Yeah, the ex-marine wants to do that, but I’m afraid he’d kill her.

Robot Chicken FTW.

Better on DVD. Commentary track FTW!

I would never tax your tanning bed

McCain’s well past the point where he would tax anyone in bed.

Is ATHF still on? I always enjoyed that, as well.

McCain’s well past the point where he would tax anyone in bed.

Okay, that made me simultaneously gag and LOL. Lollygag?

Convince her to take up kung fu, as it is great exercise. If her instructors (who have a lower tolerance for bullshit than even drill instructors) can’t beat some sense into her, convince her she needs to work on her ‘iron trachea’ technique.

She’s also constantly talking about trying to score a husband and how she wants to have kids in the next couple of years because she doesn’t want to be an “old mom.” I’d like to kick her in the crooch.

Just tell her there’s an actor you know who has some very interesting etchings.

Oh, and best of all? She’s in a master’s program for health management, so she’ll run your hospital someday!

Nickel bet says she ends up at the VA. Do you think she’s good at devoting large amounts of time to making PowerPoint presentations that are incredibly stupid and confusing? ‘Cos it seems to be a job requirement here.

Of course, I’m posting here, so I probably shouldn’t bitch too much, but….

Yeah, the ex-marine wants to do that, but I’m afraid he’d kill her.

Then it’s up to you.

Convince her to take up kung fu, as it is great exercise.

*snort* The idea of this girl taking kung fu cracks me up. She takes horseback riding lessons. And has pink monogrammed mats in her SUV her daddy bought for her.

Okay, that made me simultaneously gag and LOL.

Thank you and my apologies.

Just tell her there’s an actor you know who has some very interesting etchings.

Just how cruel do you think I am???

Do you think she’s good at devoting large amounts of time to making PowerPoint presentations that are incredibly stupid and confusing?

YES. In fact, that might be her one talent…I don’t know from experience, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Fucking DKW’s, how do they work?

I can’t believe ICP is still around, though going Christian was brillllllliant.
If only as a kind of inadvertent performance art.

SUV?
Simple. Just send her out for all the office errands. Find a takeout place on a busy, twisty street. Send her out for lunch, and text her with order updates every 30 seconds. She won’t last a week.
She’ll probably take a few other drivers out with her though.

Yeah, the ex-marine wants to do that, but I’m afraid he’d kill her.

Then it’s up to you.

Dude, I’m afraid I’ll kill her. She’s not short, but I’m pretty sure she weighs less than 100 pounds soaking wet.

That’s Seth Green, you goof. Who I actually like.

Who does the voice of the yutsy kid on Family Guy, who has had MacFarlane on RC many times where: He has also voiced various characters on Adult Swim’s Robot Chicken, including a parody of Lion-O and Emperor Palpatine as well as Peter Griffin in the Season 2 premiere – he even parodied himself in the Season 4 premiere, in which he renewed the show simply by mentioning it in a Family Guy-like cutaway after its fictitious cancellation at the end of Season 3.

Just tell her there’s an actor you know who has some very interesting etchings.

Oh no. Even I have some standards!

Give her DKW’s number. Or better, his mom’s. She can still impregnate at thirty paces.

Who does the voice of the yutsy kid on Family Guy, who has had MacFarlane on RC

Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize we were playing six degrees of Seth MacFarlane.

She’ll probably take a few other drivers out with her though.

It’d be worth it. Girl can’t drive even under the best of circumstances.

Fucking DKW’s, how do they work?

They don’t. That’s the problem.

I’m pretty sure she weighs less than 100 pounds soaking wet.

Have you considered wringing her out?

I didn’t realize we were playing six degrees of Seth MacFarlane.

Well since Seth MacFarlane has had sex with actor’s mom, I guess we’re all 2’s.

Does that trick of jamming a potato into the tailpipe of a car really work?

Does that trick of jamming a potato into the tailpipe of a car really work?

I don’t know, Marion, but the marine and I are seriously discussing putting a couple of roaches in her desk.

Does that trick of jamming a potato into the tailpipe of a car really work?

Absolutely – if you do that, I guaranty that your car will not get pregnant.

Does that trick of jamming a potato into the tailpipe of a car really work?

Yup.

Well since Seth MacFarlane has had sex with actor’s mom, I guess we’re all 2’s.

Don’t dodge out on your fecund mom, DKW

OH GET THIS.

She lives THREE BLOCKS from here, but drives to work. Her parking place is at LEAST two blocks from here.

Roaches are good, but tend to not stay where they’re put. If you can get your hands on some large grasshoppers they’ll stay in the drawer until it’s opened, then they’ll want to jump out. You can imagine the rest.

Speaking of master’s in health management, what is up with the recent proliferation of programs that train someone to be a hyperspecialized bureaucrat? I’m constantly getting ads for master’s programs in healthcare administration, public management, research administration, etc. Maybe I’m just biased by my experience with the last of those three–the master’s of research administration people are better known to me as the people who make a living by burdening our lab and our staff with as much paperwork and regulatory BS as possible–but the people in such programs are almost invariably useless, stupid, and annoying. And not benignly stupid, either. They’re worse than the Ed.Ds.

I’ve probably offended enough people, so I’d better get back to work.
Anyway I should get back to work.

…fecund mom…

Two moms, one joke.

Two moms, one joke.

What is this? The fucking World Cup?

Speaking of master’s in health management, what is up with the recent proliferation of programs that train someone to be a hyperspecialized bureaucrat?

Dude, that’s all my fucking MLS is. I think I’ve learned more in 12 hours in working at a library than I have for two years in school.

In the research administration folks’ defense, they kind of have to do it. But yeah, they usually suck.

a hyperspecialized bureaucrat

Stop it, you’re making me hot.

The fucking World Cup?

The World Cup of Fucking? Team Actor’s Mom is the heavy favourite. Not only because she’s expected to win, but also because she’s heavy. And by heavy I mean fat.

Those master’s programs churn out the sort of hideous upper middle management types who clutter up “mahogany alley” at the hospital. They spend 8 hours a day devising new paperwork and holding mandatory meetings for the people in the hospital who actually, you know, WORK. The world would be a much better place if they were all drowned.

And by heavy I mean fat.

Beats the dead weight of Team DKW

And I mean dead.

Is ATHF still on?

I think so. I can never understand Meatwad.

“I hate conservatives, but I really fucking hate liberals” sums up the show more for me. It’s the ethic of being anti-everything, never having had an idea or an accomplishment of your own but mercilessly tearing into everyone who has. In other words, libertarianism.

Wow–best summation of the glibertarian mind I may have ever encountered. That’s brilliant, Chris.

Does that trick of jamming a potato into the tailpipe of a car really work?

Anything that significantly restricts exhaust will work well to disable any engine. (That’s a yes if you don’t care for my pendantic over-answer).

She lives THREE BLOCKS from here, but drives to work. Her parking place is at LEAST two blocks from here.

Hey, you’ve mentioned her before! It’s like she’s an honorary troll!

As a solution to your problem, do you (or Mr. T&U) know any good looking guys you don’t like? Maybe if you set her up with some douchebag, she would be so grateful that she’ll stop bothering you for a while, and they might deserve each other.

Does that trick of jamming a potato into the tailpipe of a car really work?

Absolutely – if you do that, I guaranty that your car will not get pregnant.

No, that’s the wild yam.

For animated hilarity, I can’t recommend Archer enough

Archer is the best thing that has come out on TV this year. Can’t wait for next season.

Hey, you’ve mentioned her before! It’s like she’s an honorary troll!

I thought I had. I’m sorry to keep mentioning her here. But she is heinous.

As a solution to your problem, do you (or Mr. T&U) know any good looking guys you don’t like? Maybe if you set her up with some douchebag, she would be so grateful that she’ll stop bothering you for a while, and they might deserve each other

I wish. Anyone who fits that description is attached or has moved away or I don’t talk to because he’s a douche.

No, that’s the wild yam.

it worked for Karen Finley. No one wanted to touch her.

They don’t. That’s the problem.

Actually it ain’t. I’m pretty good a breaking stuff and setting shit on fire – so the less I do, the better all around. So anyways, with that whole broken burning wreckag thing in mind, let me endorse actor’s other suggestion:

Give her DKW’s number.

Especially if her mom’s hot.

T&U;

I have a coworker who is essentially useless. He’s incompetent, lazy, always looking for a way to manipulate others into doing his work (“I can’t do it, I’m too fucking dumb…”). He whistles all the time (a capital offense, as far as I’m concerned), and snaps his fingers, turns up the music to share with the rest of us, leaves a shotglass sized volume of coffee sitting on the burner instead of making another pot–oh god, this guy is a PIECE OF SHIT.

Here’s how I deal with him. Practical jokes. Tape, paperclips, vaseline, etc… All things that escalate slowly in cruelty, but still maintain the air of being all in good fun. It does nothing to solve the problem, but it does make me feel good to see him scraping vaseline from his ear that somehow ended up on his phone earpiece.

This is all you can do. People like that deserve to die, but we don’t get to make that call, unfortunately. So there’s my two cents, FWIW. You might try a little of that–especially if she’s not into the whole practical joke thing–it would be marvelously satisfying if she never found out that it was you plotting her death–I mean, playing these jokes.

it does make me feel good to see him scraping vaseline from his ear that somehow ended up on his phone earpiece.

See, I’m crueler…

You might try a little of that–especially if she’s not into the whole practical joke thing–it would be marvelously satisfying if she never found out that it was you plotting her death–I mean, playing these jokes.

I need to cook up stuff that’s subtle enough that she won’t even catch on that they’re practical jokes. Though that really shouldn’t be too difficult.

See, I’m crueler…

Are you suggesting I should borrow one of your jars?

Are you suggesting I should borrow one of your jars?

I have lots of enemies.

I have lots of enemies.

Soooooooo, is that a no, then?

That’s okay. I’m sure I can procure a quantity of viscous bodily fluid from somewhere else.

Soooooooo, is that a no, then?

No, I’m offering you a choice of jars.

No, I’m offering you a choice of jars.

Wow. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!

That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!

I’m a giver.

Anything that significantly restricts exhaust will work well to disable any engine. (That’s a yes if you don’t care for my pendantic over-answer).

Mythbusters did that one .

Basically, the engine built up plenty of pressure to blow the thing out before it could choke the engine. Conceptually, yes. But practically, they couldn’t keep the engine from blowing it out.

I will leave the obvious jokes about moms to the rest of you degenerates…

Sure, if you’re only talking potatoes…

Ooo, I hope he’s not setting his sights on Wife #3 already. Is Cindy healthy? Doesn’t she need some sort of horrible illness to befall her before he goes after some Snooki?

Conceptually, yes.

You’re right–I saw that episode too.

I do know that a catalytic converter that has had regular (leaded, old school) gas run through it will act like the movie banana in the tailpipe. It clogs up and chokes off the exhaust.

See, I’m crueler…

There are 5 people in this office. We can see each other. I could totally kick his ass in a fight, but I have a job to do. Believe me, I want to be much more cruel. I just can’t see how that doesn’t blow up in my own face, making the risk assessment lean in his favor. Right now, I’m just building the hatred until it explodes and I unleash on him. Very healthy.

Burn Notice is not merely a guilty pleasure. Burn Notice is good television.

Gabrielle Anwar has not aged well.

Strangely enough, I think quite the opposite…she seems to have aged very well, IMHO.

I’m also glad to see that I’m not the only one who thinks that South Park 1) is not funny and stopped being funny no later than the second season and 2) doesn’t really make fun of everybody equally.

OK, I’ll admit that last night I started watching Torchwood.
The daughter borrowed the DVDs from the library. We watched the first series with her to check appropriateness.*
Took me weeks to notice the anagram.

* And to spot teh Cardiff landmarks.

Guilty pleasure: In Plain Sight.

Flame away, mfers!

I love Mary and Marshall but I hate her family and all of her witnesses. I wish they all would die!

Gabrielle Anwar has not aged well.

Strangely enough, I think quite the opposite…she seems to have aged very well, IMHO.

Sharon Gless looked really old and feeble during the S4 premiere. I don’t think she’ll be able to last for seasons 5 and 6, honestly.

Hah, when I spent the winter in Antarctica)

Are you THE Roald Amundsen? First, what happened to the ‘n’ in yr first name? Second, like wow, you were in the south pole an shit, huh? Wow, like I bet it was cold, right?