Two-Minute Townhall (bonus edition)
Get-get wit’ it-wit’ it, can’t-can’t quit it-quit it.
Shorter Hugh Hewitt: New Yorker editor David Remnick inaccurately compared President Bush to Nixon – as if that were a bad thing!
Shorter Jeff Jacoby: President Bush proved he is not a dictator by graciously recognizing the Supreme Court’s Hamdan decision.
Shorter William Rusher: Although the president has been wrong on Iraq at every step, I’m inclined to follow his lead because “staying the course” is easy to understand.
Shorter Robert Novak: Republicans are wise to conflate illegal immigration and terrorism.
Shorter Burt Prelutsky: This bit brought down the house at my nephew’s bar mitzvah.
Shorter Suzanne Fields: Women can’t have it all – and the good ones don’t want to.
Shorter Brent Bozell: You can’t trust the hippies down at the New York Times, because they’re only in it for the money.
Shorter Alan Reynolds: As a libertarian, I am unwilling to trump up the alleged discovery of Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction.
Shorter Ben Shapiro: Oh my name it is nothin’, my age it means less. The country I come from is called the Midwest. I’s taught and brought up there, the laws to abide, and that the land that I live in has God on its side.
Shorter Linda Chavez: Mexico is poor not because it is inhabited by Mexicans, but because its government hasn’t been conservative enough.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: By pointing out distinctions between Terri Schiavo and two men who partially recovered from serious brain injuries, the media are trying to cover up their culpability in her wrongful death.
Shorter Larry Elder: Liberals are to blame for bad economic conditions, and the media are to blame for falsely reporting that the economy is in trouble.
Shorter Cal Thomas: A recent poll found that conservative Christian voters would not elect a Mormon as president, thus proving the bias against people of faith serving in public life.
Shorter Thomas Sowell: The only black people who should vote for Democrats are deadbeats and criminals.
Shorter Michael Fumento: If anything, the elderly don’t pay enough for their life-sustaining medicines. (And no one is paying me to say that.)
Shorter Matt Towery: Who cares if the Bush administration violates your privacy? So do the credit card companies!
Shorter Emmett Tyrrell: While it’s nice and all to note our occasional casualties in Iraq, we musn’t forget that far more people died in one day during the Battle of The Somme. Think about it.
Shorter Marvin Olasky: We must convert the Chinese to Christianity before they take over the world!
Shorter Ann Coulter: And for my next trick, watch as I convince my readers that the New York Post is a liberal rag.
Shorter William F. Buckley: Would you like to hear the long version of how Joe Lieberman decided to run as an independent?
Shorter John Stossel: You can’t trust the hippies down at the environmental science lab, because they’re only in it for the money.
Shorter Travis G: I sumbit myself to the shrill hysterics of Townhall.com so you don’t have to.
Good old Ann, using the Bush Texas Air Nat’l Guard defense – if I can convince people (not necessarily prove) that ANY claim made against me is false, the whole argument must be false.*
*Not applicable to war veterans, people who helped establish the program that created the modern internet, or other naive, America-hating liberals.
Oh the inanity!
Thus — and obviously — the abolitionist movement was fueled by Christians, much as the anti-abortion movement is today.
Erm, Ann? The kind of Christians that were the main backbone of the abolitionist movement weren’t your kind of Christians. (insane fundamentalists) Many were of the kinds of denominations of Christian that you would call “liberal”, or “not really Christian” or “pretending to believe in God”, such as Quakers. Many of them were from that dreaded black hole of demented evil, the Northeast.
If Ann had been alive back then, she’d have been complaining about the “elite abolitionist establishment” forcing their opinions upon the working people of the USA and railing against their connections to terrorism through John Brown.
But I thought being in it for the money was a good thing! Help! The libertarians are confusing me!
(Thanks for the Stossel, btw. Any longer and I would have had to read it myself. I’ve sworn off.)
If anyone would like the keys to clownhall.blogspot.com, drop me an email at s underscore h at earthlink dot net.
Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Liberal women are ugly.
Shorter Prickly City: Liberal coyotes and conservative human females can be friends and talk about manliness.
I forgot to add: Ha Ha.
Boy howdy, that Mallard Fillmore really has liberals pegged, six days a week in black and white, one day a week in color. I don’t know how I can show my face after such a witty onslaught about liberal cavemen and the manner in which political correctness killed off the dinosaurs.
Boy, Coulter is quick on the draw, ain’t she? That Post thing has only been out, what, a day or so. Almost like she expected to get called on cheating. Too bad no one gives the Rude Pundit any love.
Too bad no one gives the Rude Pundit any love.
He’d certainly be receptive. And highly creative, I’d wager.
Shorter Ann Coulter: And for my next trick, watch as I convince my readers that the New York Post is a liberal rag.
Coulter’s readers consider anything to the left of Soldier of Fortune to be a liberal rag.
Dude, there are few things I hold sacred; but the thought of VB singing Dylan is enough to make me puncture my eardrums.
Would that he could, Mary. Would that he could.
Wheeeeee! Travis, I do believe this is the best Two-Minute Townhall EVAH!!1!1!
Just wanted to add, Jeff Jacoby is an unbelieveable fuckwit. In case no one else has noticed yet. But I expect almost everyone has.
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