Potted meat news product
I’m not even being sarcastic when I tell you that this sort of semi-accurate report is precisely why I’ve bookmarked RenewAmerica (italics mine):
On the 230th anniversary of our Declaration of Independence, STS-121 Shuttle commander Steve Lindsey said (and we may not be quoting him exactly) that “I am proud to be going up on the fourth of July and soon people will see the rocket’s red glare.” That hit us so hard that we both watched the launch over the next few minutes with tears in our eyes and patriotic pride in our hearts. How brave of that man to say that, just moments before his life could have ended. How inspiring!
Tell me about it! That hit me so hard that I read the entire article over the next few minutes with tears in my eyes and lung-emptying hoots in my heart. How brave of Guy & Joanne Adams to write that, sacrificing not even a few precious moments to Google the exact quote. How hilarious!
Holy smokes! Things get super-freaky below the fold (italics not mine):
North Korea also had its own rocket’s red glare today, with its own test missile launches, relatively insignificant. What a difference between these two events. One rogue nation launches unmanned test missiles, while brave Americans put their lives at risk for the benefit of all mankind.
They do realize that the United States also tests missiles, in addition to our ginormous arsenal of previously tested missiles, and all (or at least the vast majority) of those missiles are unmanned, right? Maybe they believe our nukes are piloted? Believe it or not, this is the very next paragraph, with no transitional thoughts omitted by me:
It’s estimated that in the days of our Founding Fathers, 98% were strongly Christian, with 0.02 Jewish and 0.01 Catholic. We have largely forsaken God in America today, but there are those in America who are still decidedly Christian. God still has His men, so to speak. We established a covenant with God for America to remain a “Christian” nation, and we also believe that God is honoring His part. One only has to look as the Shuttle lifted off into the heavens, among many other blessings, to see God’s hand upon America. To say that the Shuttle is proof of God’s blessing is folly, but in concert with His many providential blessings and protections over time, it’s easy to see.
There’s a lot to digest here, so let’s skim over the highlights: Providing inaccurate demographic statistics of the Founding Fathers’ religious backgrounds, implying that we should preserve such a demoraphic ratio, distinguishing between “strong Christians” and Catholics, referring to a mysterious covenant with God over the religious makeup of this nation, citing the space shuttle as proof of God’s blessing, and reversing course in the very next sentence to claim that proving God’s blessing on such flimsy evidence would be folly. Whew. Let’s just move on, and quickly:
There are many examples of America’s generosity and compassion. When Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed recently in Iraq, Americans gave him medical care. We gave this medical care to a monster who slowly cut off the heads of American hostages. It is character such as was displayed in trying to save al-Zarqawi’s life that will ensure that we will win the day.
Actually, I would agree that offering medical care to a wounded man is an act of magnanimity, even if it were likely offered to Zarqawi because he would have known lots of valuable information that could potentially be tortured out of him. But let’s focus on the positive here. Or not:
Some have said that America’s best days are behind her, and that the gays, abortionists, liberals, and terrorists will win the day. Nonsense … There are many unpatriotic Americans “slithering” on American soil today. When we were talking to a friend of ours about God creating man in His own image, he said, facetiously, “And Satan made some creatures in his own image, that of a serpent.” Interesting.
Heh. Indeezy. There are plenty of long, exceedingly slender Americans who slither about without the benefit of arms or legs, burning flags, aborting babies, bombing abortion clinics places and marrying same-sex partners. (And, when I dream, they’re all wearing vests and I’m rolling a big donut, but I digress.)
Just as there are valorous patriotic Americans among us today, in the image of the great patriots who went before us, so are there also traitors among us, of various types and degrees, whose image is that of an idol–even the idol of man-made secularism–and whose work is destructive to the foundations of our republic. Unpatriotic revisionists are trying to get all references to God removed from our courtrooms, schools, money, and other institutions. We believe that God Himself is raising up an army of activists who, with His aid, will stop that evil agenda.
I can’t help it but, when I saw that part about the traitors having the image of an idol, I couldn’t help but think they’re talking about how the gays are always working out and stuff and look good without their shirts on. Actually, on further reading, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what they mean. That’s almost hilarious enough to make me neglect that whole “God Himself is raising up an army of activists” part. Yikes. (I wonder if video games are part of His divine recruiting strategy?)
Was there ever a time where we could put aside partisan name-calling for one day – the 4th – where all people in the States were no longer Republicans or Democrats, but simply Americans? Strike that. Was there ever a time where the 4th of July inspired Republicans to stop referring to people who are against torture and illegal spying operations as “traitors” – if only for the day?
I’ll have to check with the Pope, or maybe just google, but last I knew Catholics were Christians. Did something change overnight?
If they had Googled the actual quote, they would have had to acknowledge that “the people of the East Coast”–you know, us Secular Liberal Humanists–were the possible viewers of the “rocket’s red glare,” not the renewamerica readership.
Sorta would have ruined their metaphor.
98% were strongly Christian, with 0.02 Jewish and 0.01 Catholic…
.02 and .01? WTF? And how are Deists and Unitarians “strongly Christian?”
“And Satan made some creatures in his own image, that of a serpent.� Interesting.
You call it interesting, we call it heresy. Or maize. Bad theology at any rate, married to badly misunderstood or just plain ignorant history. This RenewAmerica gibberish was also the first link returned on your google news search when I clicked it, which depresses me no end.
I don’t think they were talking about the demographics of the Founding Fathers — I think they were trying to describe the demographics of the entire population around the time of the Founding Fathers. Their wretched writing style makes it difficult to say, though.
pessullivan, I’m sure you know that it’s nothing new for “Christian” to be used to imply a specific type of Christianity. They’ve been striving to coopt Jesus Christ for only one type of believer. So now “Christian” means the fundy, let’s-put-Jesus-in-the-White-House-where-He-belongs-and-His-Holy-Finger-on-the Button sort of Christian, not anyone else who might profess Christianity. Man, what a bunch of exclusive, selfish, historically ignorant, self-righteous, un-Christian, weirdo freaks. My only comfort is they’re going to hell because they’re not confessing their sins to a priest and eating the holy wafer. (bitter joke.)
About the religious makeup of the Founding Fathers, I believe this Christian duo did correctly phrase it so that they are referring to the American population of the time, not the Founding Fathers alone.
Even so…. 98% “strongly Christian,” 0.02% heathen Jew, 0.01% heretic Catholic… that adds up to 98.03% What, pray tell, was the religious makeup of the other 1.97% of the populace?
And
seems to suggest that maybe God isn’t so anti-gay after all, hmm?
I know this thread has no connection to the Kubrick filmography, but I can’t stop thinking: “My God, it’s full of stupid.”
And Satan made some creatures in his own image, that of a serpent.
Uh, have the people at renew america ever heard of manichaeism? ‘Cause that’s what they be preaching. It has nothing to do with strong christianity, what ever the hell that means*
I also liked the part about God personally supervising the ethnic makeup of the country. Which means she’s doing a pretty shitty job keeping those mexlamicists from crossing the border. Maybe she’s too busy preparing videos in hell for Brad. Although, if I were still in charge of her ironic punishment division, I’d be making Brad wake up next to Pam every morning with a hell of a hangover.
*Besides agree with Renew America that all of American’s problems are caused by the homoliberaborterists.
What, pray tell, was the religious makeup of the other 1.97% of the populace?
I think it is pretty clear that they were snakes.
Heathen snakes.
Oh, and “just moments before his life could have ended”? Yeah, especially considering how many experts were very frightened that “insulating foam from the craft’s external fuel tank could again fall off and endanger the shuttle mission” (LA Times) but the head of NASA was betting it wouldn’t.
Maybe they believe our nukes are piloted?
Which reminds me: it’s time to watch Dr. Strangelove again.
Umm, if the overly-expensive, over-engineered military satellite delivery system and part-time shuttle is proof of God’s blessing upon America, than please keep the Lord’s hand away from my new laptop pc!
God must have blessed us all with the Windows OS too…
See, I thought the decimals had to be converted into percentages, making it all add up to 101% of our population at the time. But I’m really fucking tired, and it’s wrong either way, so hey.
Oh those poor Catholics in Maryland were missed by the Guy and Joanne unofficial 1776 census. And of course the slaves..but they hadn’t been elevated to 1/3 a person yet, so I guess there were offically zero. And what about those Church of England Anglicans?..are they Christian or not?..and the Quakers..no one really thinks Quakers are Christian, do they?
Come to think of it..what fraction were actually mindless, intolerant zealots?..oh yes..98%, the strongly Christian.
So, Native Americans only made up %1.8 or the population? And is that the popoulation of the 13 Colonies (Probably?) or that of what would eventually become modern day America?
And if it’s not the latter, why not? As forntiersmen pushed west wouldn’t we expect that the demnographic make-up of America would change, as new people were found and integrated into the country?
And are Native American idolators ruining the country they’ve lived in since before us, or do they get a pass, even though they’re heathens?
re that Catholic/Christian dichotomy:
It’s actually a good way to deal with bothersome prosletyzers. (Is there any other kind?) You NEVER want tell them you don’t believe in God — that’ll just make ’em salivate over your unsaved soul. But if you tell ’em “I’m Catholic, thank you very much,” they’ll usually just awkwardly back off.
It’s worked surprisingly well for me so far…
I teach seventh grade social studies, which includes, among other topics, explanations of various world religions. IT NEVER FAILS that I get some kid in each class arguing that Catholics aren’t Christians; that, in fact, no denomination except their own particular brand of Christianity is Christian. Everyone else is…well, they don’t know what to call them, except to say that they’re not Christians. They don’t usually even know what their own sect is called; it’s just Christian.
Oh, by the way, I’m also one of those evil Mexislamofascist secular moonbat traitors who get to explain what, precisely, Islam is. THAT’S a treat in this day and age, you betcha.
These people are depressing me. If the economy survives the coming meltdown, it will be on sales of Prozac alone.
When Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed recently in Iraq, Americans gave him medical care.
Umm, sorry, this just in from the blame america first contingent. It does seem to be true that Americans offered medical attention to al zarqawi after he “was killed recently”. But the reason he “was killed” is that WE DROPPED TWO BIG BOMBS ON HIS HIZZ-OUSE!!!! So I dunno, I’m having trouble getting how this makes us compassionate….
mikey
Goddamn you! I clicked over to that video game website and I’m TAINTED now! Blehhhh! Thanks a LOT, man.
=P
no, Mikey, its “bombs were dropped”. You show your hatred of America by failing to use the passive voice.
Isn’t “being somewhere in the general area of Zarqawi receiving medical care” the Bush administration’s standard for being in cahoots with al Qaeda?
I’ve got a slithering snake for these retards.
Compassionately giving medical care to Iraqi’s after they’ve been killed is what we Americans are all about!
Whatever Steve Lindsey actually said, I am puzzled at why they think he was “so brave” to have said it. Commendable, maybe; admirably patriotic, sure; a silver-tongued devil, you may think so. But brave?
How is it brave to say something that no one could possibly disagree with? Unless they think he should have been so terrified at the thought of getting blown up that he was brave to have uttered anything at all besides “Mommy!”
You show your hatred of America by failing to use the passive voice.
If only they would accept even this rule and make it consistent. But NOO, they have to be selective in every rule. Otherwise, we could simply say “flags were burned” or “Marriage occured between two gentlement yesterday”. So the whole passive voice approach only works for them when it suits them. Imagine that!!
mikey
Isn’t “being somewhere in the general area of Zarqawi receiving medical care� the Bush administration’s standard for being in cahoots with al Qaeda?
Well sure it is. And that’s why nobody got out of that house alive. Might have been an old dood and a six-year-old girl before the “air strike” (god I HATE that fucking phrase!!!) but afterwards? BODY COUNT!!! Four tangos, kilo india alpha. LZ is clear for G2. Reqest extraction soonest…
mikey
Hey, that Zarqawi stuff reminds me — did we ever figure out how many legs he had?
I find it a little funny that the “strong Christians” at RenewAmerica preach the heresy that Satan can create, but then again, I’ve come to expect fundies to have no understanding of their own religion whatsoever. (Here’s one that would really freak them out: there’s jack shit in the way of scriptural basis for the adversary – hasatan in Hebrew – and the devil being the same.)
And tom, I’ll have to try that sometime, even if I do look teh j00. I usually just confuse the hell out of them by saying I’m a pantheist. My favorite way to get them to back off: Some friends of mine were practicing Aikedo with wooden katanas and one of them answered the door with a sword resting on his shoulder. Without a word, the fundies just quickly backed away from the room full of swordfighting heathens.
You show your hatred of America by failing to use the passive voice.
Thank you for calling it a voice, rather than a tense as is often (and gratingly) done.
“When Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed recently in Iraq, Americans gave him medical care”
I believe the name for the kind of medical care we gave him is “autopsy”.
But hey! It was a compassionate one!
The mistake is thinking that:
refers to their demographics. Actually Renew America is telling us that each Founding Father was made up of 98% strong Christian, 0.02% Jewish and 0.01% Catholic. And what about the missing amount? I’m no scientician, but I think we can all agree that it was probably 60% wood from the Holy Cross and 40% water from the Deluge, but don’t quote me on those numbers.
Nice Pee Wee reference. Make sure you ridicule people when they say stupid shit. It doesn’t help them but it let’s everyone else know where you stand. I used to just be nice and “agree to disagree”. Now I just get people to restate their idiocy and help them distill it to the point where it’s obvious to any reasonable person that they’re wrong and when they don’t see it, THEN I call them irretrievably stupid.
“and the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there….” Yep.
Irritating article. The Shuttle doesn’t rise up because of God’s grace, but through the efforts of tens of thousands of scientists, engineers, physicists, chemists and dreamers. Who, if this daft fool had his (or her) way, would be learning “Christian Science” and would enter the workforce able to quote the Bible extensively, but unable to launch a bottle rocket successfuly.
Not me! Heh, indizzle.
And on to Renew America. Was there even a *subject* to that screed? It was like a funnymentalist stream of consciousness exercise, flitting from unrelated thing to pointless analogy. People like that worry me for any number of reasons, their rank stupidity not being the least of them.
They also forget that “The Star Spangled Banner” was written in the liberal, treasonous, Democrat filled state of Maryland…where we kill babies and kittens in our spare time (oh, and we’re given one day off a month from work to do Satan’s duty as well).
It’s funny, I watched fireworks over the Inner Harbor from my deck in Baltimore, next to Patterson Park and overlooking Fort McHenry…you know, the two places where the Baltimoreans saved the United States from the British. THAT made me feel patriotic. Idiots like Guy & Joanne should really just shut the fuck up…