See, I’m lapsed as a Christian because the way I figure it, Heaven is going to include James Dobson, Marie Jon’, and George W. Bush. And if that’s Heaven, Hell can’t be that bad.

And if that’s Heaven, Hell can’t be that bad.

It’s a tough call. But at least in Heaven, I could find a nice cloud all for myself where I wouldn’t have to interact with all the other morons.

In hell, it’s Pam’s videos. Forever. Think about it, dude. Get yourself saved.

Nope. Not gonna happen. Wouldn’t be prudent. Brad, I’ll always listen to what you have to say, and read your, er, interpretation of a wingnut “think piece”. But sorry, old man, there’s two things I simply will never do. One is to click on ANY of your links, wether they be mind-bending wingnuts or even more mind bending videos. And two? Under NO circumstances am I EVER willing to watch either a video by the Malkin thing or Pamela. I swear either could make me snap….

mikey

Any guesses why this one isn’t on Youtube?

Could it be the absolute trashing her videos are getting in the comments?

mikey- sorry, I should have put a disclaimer out there for pregnant women and people with heart conditions. Muh bad.

It’s Blood Pressure. Er, Hypertension. But thanks for carin’, man…

mikey

I could only take 15 seconds of that. I’d rather get a table dance from Dennis Hastert than to have to watch the rest.

The one with the kids was actually kind of cute, and made me sort of like Pam a tiny bit.

The fact is that Sadly, No! and its readers are a bunch of black-hearted JERKS who hate cute kids playing classical music for Father’s Day. You probably hate ponies and bunnies, too, you black-hearted JERKS.

Gaahhh! I made it all the way through TBogg’s pick (only by stabbing myself in the ears and gouging my eyes out), but that one you linked to is just… I’m speechless. I made it all of 8 seconds before I broke. I think even Al Gonzalez would consider that torture. Brad, you are and evil, evil man for passing that along.

In hell, it’s Pam’s videos. Forever.

But Brad, in Heaven, it’s Pam. Forever. I don’t care if you go off to find your own cloud — she’ll hunt you down and screech to your face, ’cause she isn’t happy unless she has an audience for her deranged outbursts.

Someone should call the ASPCA and report that woman for torturing the poor dog who had to listen to that cacophony.

(And just for the record, I made it through almost 20 full seconds of it, so take that qubit!)

But Brad, in Heaven, it’s Pam. Forever. I don’t care if you go off to find your own cloud — she’ll hunt you down and screech to your face, ’cause she isn’t happy unless she has an audience for her deranged outbursts.

How will she manage that? As teh j00, she’ll be in Hell or something, right?

How will she manage that? As teh j00, she’ll be in Hell or something, right?

I think being a wingnut is sufficient or something, as long as they’re insane enough. It’s probably in the Bible, somewhere around tax cuts for the rich and waging global war. Of course, if I’m wrong about that, there’s always the off-chance that Rowan Atkinson was right in his bit about greeting newcomers to Hell: “Christians? Ah, yes, I’m sorry, I’m afraid the Jews were right.” Then again, if that’s the case, it’s either Hell with Pam videos and the christocrats, or “Heaven” with Pam herself. I dunno, I think I’ll take Limbo with the other virtuous pagans. (Ha, who am I kidding? Sixth circle, here I come!)

*sobs* Why did I click that link? Why? Mikey, I just don’t have your willpower…I watched about 8 seconds too, then I just…..

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!one!!111!!! *head explodes*

(*celticgirl’s recently departed spirit * Damn you Brad R. – and I had SO MUCH to live for! Damn you to hell!!!! )

Hey, what’s that? It’s a video monitor….and – NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not HER!!! OMFG it’s all true!!!! Save yourselves people – REPENT, REPENT NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! THE STUPID, IT BURNS!!!

I dunno, I think I’ll take Limbo with the other virtuous pagans. (Ha, who am I kidding? Sixth circle, here I come!)

A generally fine choice– If purgatory allows visits I’ll be sure to stop by (I’ve got several thousand years tallied up already, I imagine, so there will no doubt be plenty of time).

Celticgirl’s comment would work well as a Jack Chick comic. Can this be arranged? I will pay in akvavit.

nuh uh. Ain’t gonna do it. No way. Will not click on link.

I just came back from a barbecue on a hilltop high over Pt. Dume in Malibu. I had a plate full of food, including barbecued salmon, and homemade apple pie for dessert. We sat on the hill facing the ocean and saw all the fireworks displays down the coast from Palo Verde peninsula to Broad Beach in Malibu. The best ones were right in front of us, private ones given by some unknown movie star just south of Pt. Dume. All the little kids in the group went OOOooooooh! and AAAAaaaah!

I had me some Pinot Noir, and I talked with some interesting folks, and I’m feeling great.

Nuh uh. Ain’t clicking on no Atlas link.

You know, maybe it’s just the weed talking, but I’m starting to feel sorry for this poor dingbat, considering the non-stop Ricklesesque mocking her little forays into video lunacy have been getting from the left end of the blogotoplis. And not just them, but your average apolitical yay-hoo is, apparently, howling at laughter at someone well-regarded enough by the Right to be allowed an interview with the goddamn abassador to the United Nations. I mean, I gave up on this loon the minute I saw the Supergirl picture*, but I wonder how she’s taking it. I imagine it’s probably something along the lines of the usual wingnut fruitcake debating tactic of mistaking slack-jawed bewilderment that someone, i.e. the wingnut, can utter such droolery and yet still be allowed to operate scissors as scoring debate kills.

Man, has it been a Week Of The Dumb for the wingnuts or what? Between this yowling nincompoop, the utter idocy of the whole “Emperor Kos” thing, the supreme hilarity of watching some of the Right’s most respected bloggers go totally apeshit because the NYT dared to reveal Cheney had a house, and the multitude of other deeply disturbing disasters…hell, I almost feel bad for the poor bastards. I mean, can you imagine how it feels to have it slapped in your face like that?

Just almost, though. There ain’t enough weed in the world, son.

* Ya know, there’s entire websites dedicated to such things. Very sad individuals who superimpose super hero outfits over porn shots. Male and female, I’m not kidding, Wonder Woman striking that split-cooter, OBGYN examination shot that apparently pops up at every stroke-book session. Creating and/or viewing such manipulated art is one thing – I’m a geek myself and understand such urges – but doing it to yourself? That’s goddamn weird.

You could not pay me enough to click-thru to a Pammy video. The screen-grabs are terrifying enough. I imagine that with sound and movement, projectile vomiting might become involved, and I *hate* to throw up. And I don’t even have the excuse of wanting to fuck her, so *no way*!

They say that crystal meth addiction hurts the children of the addict more than the addict herself. Pam’s “quartet” is the definitive proof of this proposition.

qubit –
Thanks so much for that Rowan Atkinson link. I love that bit, and have not seen it in forever. Made my day!

Mockery aside, check the launch of W.A.R. vlog. It’s funny, till you see the kids in the backseat aren’t wearing seatbelts. Also, read where she updated the blurb trying to explain why there was nothing wrong with vlogging while driving.

I made it to the first solo. The idea of being strapped to burning lava chair to watch that forever is terrifying, although, I probably wouldn’t notice the lava chair after it starts to repeat…

“The fact is that Sadly, No! and its readers are a bunch of black-hearted JERKS who hate cute kids playing classical music for Father’s Day. You probably hate ponies and bunnies, too, you black-hearted JERKS.”

As a former member of a youth orchestra, I can say with conviction that I’ve never met a youth orchestra I couldn’t hate. I must regard them as a necessary evil for an aspiring musician, but a source of listening pleasure they are not.

Typepad only allows 5 minute VLOGS otherwise these pieces would have been played in their entirety.

Thank you, Typepad. Really … thank you.

Well, I’m not going to trash little kids for putting on a show. But Pam’s commenters are out to lunch:

– What talented daughters you have. I loved all of the piano pieces but the last one has special meaning to me and Jacqueline did an incredible job. But all of them are talented and I hope they remember to thank you for pushing them to learn music. Bravo. I hope you’ll do another vlog like this one sometime in the near future.

– What a wonderfully ‘typical’ Jewish home. Steeped in the arts, loving, sharing, open, intelligent and active.. It brought tears to my eyes for the 2nd time today. Btw, when I die, I want to come back as a DOG in a Jewish home 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing.

– OMFG!!! I just had the first mind-orgasm in my entire life!!!! It was like I was transported to another plain of existence by the utter Mozart-like precocity of your brood of virtisotos viritosos good performers.

Alright, I made up that last one, but Jesus Christ, take it way down, please.

The vlog with the kids playing classical music was actually pretty hilarious. It’s a great window into Pam’s egomania. “And now, a performance from the Atlas girls. AND THEY’RE ALL MINE!!!” Gee, Atlas, you are truly amazing. In addition to being the stupidest woman on the internet, you spawned from your loins four children who have the ability to play classical music in a rote, mediocre fashion.

The girl with the curly black hair playing piano was actually not bad, and I liked her because it was obvious she did not want to be there at all. As soon as she finished her piece mid-phrase, she bolted out of there as quickly as possible in classic sullen teenager fashion. Even though she didn’t speak, I could hear her thinking, “My mom is a monkey-ass motherfucker. Can someone please help me? Do any of you have any drugs?”

The red-haired girl was okay on piano but really sucks on the cello. The only thing worse than a little kid playing cello is a little kid playing violin.

Funny, Pam’s vlogs make you want to become Christian, while they made me question the existence of a just and loving God.

And for once, I will seriously say: won’t someone do something ABOUT THE CHILDREN? Those poor kids.

As a former member of a youth orchestra, I can say with conviction that I’ve never met a youth orchestra I couldn’t hate. I must regard them as a necessary evil for an aspiring musician, but a source of listening pleasure they are not.

Quoted for reemphasis– it is the most utterly true statement I have read all day. Congrats.

Oh sweet Lord, Mother Mary and all saints!!!
Now I know Pam hates us. But what has poor Johann Sebastian Bach ever done to her and her kids?