god, do i hate her.

That is very cool – I think you have a great future…

In that picture, it looks like she’s doing the Mr. Firley “These things are certified lethal weapons!” thing with ther arms.

MIA totally stole all of Malkin’s moves.

Holy Jesus, you owe me a new keyboard…

Malkin was a hero to most wingnuts,
But she never meant shit to me, you see,
Straight up racist that sucker was, simple, plain
Motherfuck her and John Wayne.

/apologies to Chuck D.

Off topic, but I know it will be appreciated here:

Johnny Damon who? Coco da bomb!

Man are the Sawx on a roll. I think their win streak will come to a sad end tonight (Jason Johnson v.s. Dontrelle Willis? Are you serious???), but they’ve started to gel as a team. Right now, I say they, the White Sox and the Tigers are the only legit World Series contenders.

Brad, I think it’s time for you to go pro with this.

Here’s my half-assed effort. I’d polish it up, but the Germany-Argentina game is on. Priorities, people. Priorities.

_________________________________

De-based!
How low can I go?
Death row, where the brothers go.

Once again back is the incredulous,
the slime animal, the unaccountable
Me — Public Enemy Number One!
Immigrants said “Please!” and it gets fun.
Can I tell ’em that I really wanna pull the gun?
But it’s the wack facts that Fox News spun
Say put ’em in a cell, so my books they sell
‘Cause a mother like me said “Well…
…Goebbels’s a prophet and I think you ought to listen to
what he can say to you, what you ought to do.”
Follow for now, power of the sheeple, say,
“Make fear for all, get hysterical”
Black is whack, all in, we’re gonna win
Check it out, yeah y’all, here we go again

Chorus: Turn it up! Bring the noise!

Never badder than bad ’cause the mother is madder than mad
At the fact that’s corrupt as my senators
On the payroll, Abramoff ain’t no dope
‘Cause riggin’ the system gives Dems no hope
Listen for lessons I’m saying inside music that the libruls are blasting
me for
They’ll never care for the brothers and sisters
now across the country has us up for the war
No right to demonstrate, come on now, they’re gonna have to wait
Till we get it right
Newspaper writers, I know that they’re ball-less
They call themselves loyal, but we’ll see if they shill this

Chorus: Turn it up! Bring the noise!

Sheehan in front of me, shrieking mom harpy
Her son is dead, whatev’, shut your piehole ho
We can slur your loss for miles and miles
So what, the ride, the glide should be much safer than a suicide
Mind control, Bush is the decider for Iraq, you know
Stayin’ the course right over the cliff, man
Makin’ excuses, abuses, down in Gitmo, yo
You call ’em prisoners, but we beat prisoners, too
Whatcha gonna do? Bush is not afraid of you
Laws ain’t for no show, beatdowns for homos
Abu Gonzales first said a president could be a king
Stamp his little feet, get you out your seat
No laws for Condi and Cheney, as well, y’all
Facts are for the wack, still they can suck balls
Ever forever, universal, it will sell
Time for me to get yo, down to Gitmo!

Chorus…

From coast to coast, Bush’s polls going comatose
“Stand by my man?” Tammy Wynette’s toast.
Lies with some pizzazz, Rove says Why you ask?
Roll with the CEOs, still never get accepted as
We got to plead the Fifth, they can’t investigate
No need to wait, Fox’ll keep the record straight
Hey, posse’s in effect, got DeLay and Terminator
X to sign checks, play to get paid
We got to check it out down on the avenue
A magazine or two is dissing me and dissing you
Yeah, I’m telling you…

Right now, I say they, the White Sox and the Tigers are the only legit World Series contenders.

Never thought I would see that sentence written with a straight face in my lifetime…

Yo, that’s wack that my comment got all vanished and shizzle. What’s wrong wit da Fat Boyz?

Otto, you be cooking up some marvelous shit, yo.

Thanks, but that “Paid in Full” spoof you just pulled down was a thing of fucking beauty. Well played.

I’m gonna lock ’em up!

Well I feel pretty good
And I guess that I could get unhinged now, baby
cause we all got in tune
When the ‘ternment camp were infringin’, baby

I know how those Japs were, child,
Shikata ga nai
The Libs can’t stand it
When you’re doing it Right
They just don’t understand…

And then we lock up the Japs
Yes, lock up the Japs
I like to lock ’em up!

Yes I’m startin to sweat
Camo shirt’s all wet
What a feelin’
And the screams that abound and
Resound and rebound off the prison ceiling

You gotta have it, baby
You can’t do without
When you get the feelin’
You’ve got the sounds above
Put that pen in my hand…

And let me lock up the ‘Rabs
Yes, lock up the ‘Rabs
I got to lock ’em up!

So you got to give it up
You know you can’t get enough Miss Maglalang
Cause she gets in your brain
Drives you insane
With her racist harangue

The wigglin’ camo girl
The Arab scum
Make you wanna keep-a-lockin’
Till the Rapture comes

So let’s all lock up the Japs
Why not jail all the ‘Rabs
And also Liberal Saps
Let me lock ’em up!

I think I get the Grand Master Malkin’s message:
“Don’t push me cuz I’m close to unhinged I’m livin’ on the wingnut fringe
So many foreigners now it makes me wonder how I keep from goin’ under…”

I feel particularly frisky today, so instead of boring old office work, I jotted this down my contribution, lemme know what you think: 1 2 3 and to the fo, Ms. M-A-L-K-I-N and Jesse’s at yo door Ready to start internin’, so back on up, Cause you know we bout to lock em’ up! So gimmie the keyboard first so I can post on the double, Scandals in Gitmo and Gharib, now you know we in trouble. Ain’t nothin’ but a wing thing baby, Two low-down fake soldjah’s,
ain’t no Cindy gonna phaze me. Hatred is the reason they pays me, unpalatable so please don’t try to taste this. But back to the issue at hand, We gotta play this tough, can’t you libruls unduhstand? From a propoghandists perspective, You gotta play to the audience you find receptive! You never know, we could be kickin’ it man, hittin’ it man, and then a dirty bomb goes off in a van. One that came from across the border, Close it up, their
snatchos ain’t somethin you wanna order. Peace. Yeah I know, it needs work, maybe I’m just too pasty white. Bonus points for being the first rapper ever to use the word “unpalatable” though, right?

I celebrate the concentration of inferior nations
In my dark-night hard-right realizations
All you brown-skinned brothas on eternal probation
‘Cause tha Malkin’s all up for Muslim liquidation

I see my borders overflowin with tamales and tacos
Mexijihadists, terrists, limp-wrists on the down-low
Jose can you see from your cell down in Gitmo?
Ain’t nevah gettin’ out thanks to A.G. Gonzo

Halliburton is the stock in which I invest
Put all you traitor muthafuckahs to the patriot test
I’ll put one to the skull after two to tha chest
USA reclaimed, no shame ’cause tha Malkin’s tha best!

Word to tha devil Muhammed, y’all.

I’m really old and really uncool. The only two homages I recognized were Grandmaster Flash and Chuck D. And like Timmah I’m too pasty white.

All I can say is that the macaroni’s soggy, the peas are mushed and the chicken definitely tastes like wood. Indeed.

(Dammit, apperently I have yet to understand this internet thing. Lemme try again.)
I feel particularly frisky today, so instead of boring old office work, I jotted this down my contribution, lemme know what you think:
1 2 3 and to the fo, Ms. M-A-L-K-I-N and Jesse’s at yo door
Ready to start internin’, so back on up,
Cause you know we bout to lock em’ up!
So gimmie the keyboard first so I can post on the double,
Scandals in Gitmo and Gharib, now you know we in trouble.
Ain’t nothin’ but a wing thing baby,
Two low-down fake soldjah’s,
ain’t no Cindy gonna phaze me.
Hatred is the reason they pays me,
unpalatable so please don’t try to taste this.
But back to the issue at hand,
We gotta play this tough, can’t you libruls unduhstand?
From a propoghandists perspective,
You gotta play to the audience you find receptive!
You never know, we could be kickin’ it man, hittin’ it man,
and then a dirty bomb goes off in a van.
One that came from across the border,
Close it up, their snatchos ain’t somethin you wanna order.
Peace.
Yeah I know, it needs work, maybe I’m just too pasty white. Bonus points for being the first rapper ever to use the word “unpalatable” though, right?

Punkinsmom, I tried to stay true to my inspiration, the classic “Ain’t nothin but a G thang”, a work of classic, old school brilliance by Snoop Doggy Dog and Dr. Dre.

“Ain’t No Fun (If The Homies Can’t Have None)”
(Snoop Bushie Bush, feat. Rove Dogg, Kurupt Cheney, Abu G)

[Intro:]

You’re back now at the jack-off hour this is DJ, Sleazy Chick
On W-Bush, right now, somethin new, by Snoop Doggy Dogg
And this one goes out to the soldiers, from all the guys
at Halli-bow-wow, cuz we gonna make it a little Goldstein
here tonight, this is DJ Sleazy Chick, from the nation that
slaps you across your fat ass, with a fat dick

[Verse One: Rove Dogg]

When I met you in 2000 babe
Before you closed down yo mind
I had respect for ya, nation,
But now I take it all back
Cause you gave me all your rights
And ya even kissed my ass
Leave your number with the cabinet
And I promise baby, I’ll give ya a call
Next time I’m feelin kinda kinglike
You can come on over, and I’ll break you down
And if you can’t succumb, that day, baby
Just sit down, and wet all yo drawers.
Cause I have never
met a vote
That I love
in the whole wide world

[Verse Two: Kurupt Cheney]

Well, if Kurupt gave a fuck about a law I’d always be broke
I’d never have no motherfuckin countries to smoke
I gets loced and looney, bitch you can’t Do Me
Do we like John Kerry, you hoochie groupie?
I have no love for hoes
That’s somethin I learned in the pound
so how the fuck am I supposed
to pad this bill, just to wreak my will
I know the money’s mines, I’ma steal a couple more times
And then I’m through with it, there’s nothing else to do with it
Pass it to the KBRs, now you hit it
Cause Iraq ain’t nuthin but cash to me
And y’all know, that riches are all for me
Who gives a fuck, why don’t y’all pay attention
Approach it with a different proposition, I’m Kurupt
Leahy, you’ll never be my only one, trick ass beeeitch!

[Chorus: (repeat 4X)]

It ain’t no fun, if the homies can’t have none

[Verse Three: Snoop Bushie Bush]

Guess who back in the motherfuckin house
With some dumb laws for the motherfuckin South
Dobs recognize, Falwell do too
When women get uppity and pull a voodoo
What you gon do? You really don’t know
So I’d advise you not to trust that Roe
Silly of me to fall in love with a bitch
Knowin damn well, I’m too caught up with my grip
Now as the sun rotates and my game grows bigger
How many riches gonna come to this Decida named Snoop
Bushie, I’m all the above
I’m too swift on my toes to get caught up with you schmoes
But see, it ain’t no fun, if my homies can’t get a taste of it
Cause you know I don’t love em

[Verse Four: Abu G]

Whoa!
Hey, now ya know, inhale, exhale with my flow
One for the torture, two for the riches
Three to get ready, and four to hit the switches
In my Gitmo, bustin’ nads to be exact
With Hitchens on my side, and lib bitches on back
So back up snitch cuz i’m strugglin, so get
on your knees and then start jugglin
Bush’s motherfuckin nuts in my mouth
It’s me, Abu G the A.G. with the clout
Whoo!

[Chorus]

This is some serious fun.

We should start having a weekly wing nut rap battle.

Good idea. I call dibs on “Straight Outta Crawford.”

Punkinsmom, I screwed the poochpushed the envelope by eschewing the rap genre entirely, finding my inspiration in a very different milieu.

The obvious parody is of course:

You down with GOP?
(Yeah, you know me)

Now someone else write the verses. I can’t do it.

What happened to “peace”?!?!

Jesus, Snoop Dogg’s “old school” now? Christ, I’m getting old.

And admittedly, I haven’t kept up with the hip-hop scene in the last few years (haven’t kept up with new music at all, actually), but do serious, actual, non-ironic rappers still do that arm thing Malkin’s rockin’ in the picture? Kanye West and Ludacris and all those cats? Only people I ever see doing that are upper-middle-class white suburban yuppie spawn* during their “ironic” humor rap outfits that, oddly enough, never see anything in the crowd other than upper-middle-class white suburban yuppie spawn. Friend of mine does some shit like that, makes me wanna throw things at him.**

*Which Malkin is, mind, if only in terms of spirit.

**Of course, my standard ranch reaction to anything involving Michelle Malkin involves a desire to hurl objects at her, faux rap nonsense or not.

Matt – The hand signals are soooo pre 9/11, and I might have discounted Snoop a little too soon, he’s still in the game but nothing can top his earlier days.

Anyone who makes those movements anymore immediately reminds me of Steve Martin in that insufferable movie where he pretends to be going out with queen latifa or whatever.

And yes, it is proper to want to hurl various objects at her.

I was thinking of a Kanye tune for Michelle: “Well I ain’t nothin’ but a golddigger / Trashin’ Mexicans and sand niggas!”

MJP, I believe the correct answer to your question is “fuck peace.”

Dammit, I’m gonna be up all night trying to figure out what song that’s from.

Stupid nostalgia-steeped interweb postings.

MJP, I believe the correct answer to your question is “fuck peace.�

Dammit, I’m gonna be up all night trying to figure out what song that’s from.

Tupac, “Never B Peace”

Hey, thanks, but in the one I’m thinking of a guy asks, sotto voce, “yo, man, what about peace?” and then the MC goes “fuck peace,” and then he raps about how it’s a noble ideal but he’s going to kill people over perceived slights nonetheless.

This would’ve been back when Tupac was one of Humpty Hump’s backup singers. Thanks again, though. You clearly understand how painful this can be.

I have, indeed, felt your pain.

One last try — Is this what you’re looking for?

You two are some straight-up mofo playas. For reals, yo. Phat. Made me bust a gut! Lookin’ forward to the next one. Peace. Out.

I am sure it has been said many times, but Malkin’s accent is so annoying, she sounds like a valley girl. Where did she grow up, in some southern-California gated community?

Plus, her server is slow as hell. Bitch.

Here’s a little something ‘bout a bigot like me
Never shoulda been allowed to practice punditry
M Squared would like to say
That I spit fresh venom each and every day*
Since I was a youth, I’ve pumped hate out
Pajamas Media and trackbacks give me much clout
Distributing half-truths, that’s what the hell I do
You don’t like how I’m shilling, well, f_ck you
PJ’s a gang, and I’m in it
My man Glenn can do a post in a minute
With a “Heh, indeed,� written like a doofus
And then you say, “God damn, they’re clueless.�
Everything we write, it’s all planned
‘Cause we’re down with the GOP program
And then you realize we don’t care
About prisoner abuse, we’re too busy saying yeah
About dunking inmates in the water tank
Does this look like a motherf_cking think tank?
To a tool looking up to me
Peddling hate is a way to make money
‘Cause I’m the type of bigot that’s built to last
If you link to me, the meme will spread real fast
I don’t give a f_ck ‘cause I’m dissembling
Yo, what the f_ck are they yelling?

Wankster, wankster, that’s what they’re yelling
It’s not about reality, it’s all about a salary
Wankster, wankster, that’s what they’re yelling
Hoping you xenophobic motherf_ckers hear what I have to say

*That couplet was for Gavin.

How far you going back, Chris Clarke?
Way back
As we go a little something like this

Otto, you are, indeed, the man, but no, that’s not it. It’s cool; I’ll just drag out my tapes and relive my adolescence until I find it.

There doesn’t seem to be anywhere else to bring this up, but I hope everyone gets over to the FDL-Bites-SN’s-Style contest. I know it’s cool of them to give props but the Sucka quotient thus far is staggering. My theory is, the winner is somewhere in this comment thread.

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