More Stupid $#*! From Bozell (UPDATED)

bozell_toilet_gnome

“Bite my @$$, libs!”


Last night I was kicking around the web trying to find out where the rest of the Sadly, No! crew had gone — another one of their three-week viagra-fueled tequila and meth benders, no doubt — when I stumbled into Brent Bozell going off on shit and by that I don’t mean going off on stuff, but going off on “shit” the word. But not even really going off on “shit” the word. He was going off on “$#*!” — a bleeped version of the word “shit” because he heard that “$#*!” (the character jumble, not the word) was in the title of a new show on the TeeVee.

Things have gotten ridiculous when the guardians of our Constitutional values are reduced to complaining not about the naughty stuff itself but about the stand-ins for the naughty stuff. At this point you can’t even cover up the breasts on statues because, you know, the breasts (and nipples!) are still there behind the hastily draped blanket and just looking at the blanket will make you think about the breasts themselves and, even worse, the nipples themselves. Blanketed boobs are the reason that thousands of men spend hours with a tube of K-Y and a box of kleenex looking at pictures of big boobies on the Internet. Or worse.

So let’s take a look a Bozell’s magnum poopus, provocatively titled “CBS: The Toilet Network”1

CBS deliberately introduced a new show called “$#*! My Dad Says.” That’s right — the fecal curse word starting with an S in the title. They pronounce it “Bleep My Dad Says.” They could simply have called it “Stuff My Dad Says” and not lost a scintilla of descriptive power.

The reason why Bozell can only be employed writing screeds against curse words for wingnut websites is that he believes that “Stuff My Dad Says” and “$#*! My Dad Says” are equally marketable titles. Brent also thinks that The Catcher in the Rye would be just as good with all the naughty words removed. Holden Caulfield could simply have said “silly phonies” and the book would not have lost anything.

The network also lamely noted the show can be blocked using the V-chip. But the V-chip can be organized to block out L-codes for crude language, but it blocks the actual episode (if it’s coded), not titles.

Oh no! You’re going catch your kids sneaking off to look at the cable programming guide on your teevee to giggle at a title with “$#*!” in it. Then they’ll be taunting their playmates on the playground by shouting “Hey, Joey, you’re full of dollar sign number asterisk exclamation point.” Or, worse, they’ll tell you to “ampersand dollar asterisk parens off” when you tell them to go to bed.

Bozell, of course, has a point. Studies have shown that children exposed to character jumbles as substitutes for naughty words are more likely to experiment with gay sex, smoke crack cocaine, text while driving, waste time on Facebook, make fun of Glenn Beck, and declare bankruptcy before the age of thirty than children who only see polite words that are completely spelled out.

UPDATE – MORE NEWS FROM THE POOP FRONT: ABC, clearly fearing that Bozell would call it a Toilet Network too, rejected this advertisement for using the word “poop.” Watch it. And see if you don’t agree that if you were David Vitter, these are the diapers that you would wear.


1Actually, given that we have cable networks devoted to Hitler, to restaurants in foreign countries that serve bugs and rats as food, and to white trash losers with too many children, the idea of a toilet network is, you must admit, a somewhat refreshing change of pace.

 

Comments: 424

 
 
 

toilet network?

Given the P-shoops around here, You’re in on the Ground Floor!

 
 

Someone took those mangoes, hollowed them out, and replaced their sweet innards with a bunch of asterisks and interrobangs. Man cannot live on punctuation alone.

 
 

These are the f*%!s that get all upset when a flag burns, but don’t give a $#*! that people are tortured under that flag. This clears it up for me, thanks.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m much more offended by the fact that there’s a fucking show on TV based on a fucking Twitter account than the fact that there are a bunch of symbols in the show’s title.

 
 

A Twitter account AND a blog.

 
 

“CBS: The Toilet Network”

What is he, six years old?

 
 

Brent Bozell? Give him ExLax and an enema and he’ll disappear. Thousand poor bastards dead in Afganistan, he’s howling about shit on TV. And I still can’t get on ASshOle, dammitaltahellenbeck!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

A Twitter account AND a blog.

Oh, I didn’t know about the blog.

I suppose it’s no worse than the show based on the Geico cavemen. Which made me truly despair for humanity.

 
 

Then they’ll be taunting their playmates on the playground by shouting “Hey, Joey, you’re full of dollar sign number asterisk exclamation point.”

Actually, that is the kind of shit that kids will find side-splittingly hilarious. Until they mature (i.e. reach 3rd grade).

Maybe Bozell didn’t reach that stage.

 
 

waste time on Facebook

*#$&ing Farmville Mother*#&^ers!

 
 

Brent Bozell? Give him ExLax and an enema and he’ll disappear. Thousand poor bastards dead in Afganistan, he’s howling about shit on TV. And I still can’t get on ASshOle, dammitaltahellenbeck!

I got right in last night–no issues at all. Where is it stopping you?

Unfortunately, everything I have tried to post has been deemed “inappropriate”. Who the fuck is a Repuke to tell me what’s inappropriate? It’s not like I’m having sex with an adult woman or something, geez.

 
 

Actually, that is the kind of shit that kids will find side-splittingly hilarious. Until they mature (i.e. reach 3rd grade).

I still find it hilarious and 40 29 years old!

 
biff diggerence
 

Apparently, “Garden State” has never been viewed on the Bozo household’s wide-screen.

A common New Jersey colloquial is sprinkled throughout the dialogue.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Studies have shown that children exposed to character jumbles as substitutes for naughty words are more likely to experiment with gay sex, smoke crack cocaine, text while driving, waste time on Facebook, make fun of Glenn Beck, and declare bankruptcy before the age of thirty than children who only see polite words that are completely spelled out.

Oh, this explains SO MUCH. My parents communicated with me solely through character jumbles as substitutes for naughty words until I was nearly eight years old. I somehow managed to avoid crack cocaine, but I’ve been one of the lucky ones…

 
 

Well, I’d say Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™, but you’ve RUINED my daily S,N! greeting, TinTin!

I take it this show is based on the Twitter feed of that asshole, right?

Cuz, you know, anyone with a Twitter account can sign up for that Twit.

Tweet, I mean. And Twitter, as I understand it, is not censoring based on age-appropriate members¹. So a) kids who don’t watch network TeeVee will still see the unexpurgated words, and b) what fucking kid watches CBS* anyway?

¹ VNamblaR

*Codger Broadcasting System

 
 

A common New Jersey colloquial is sprinkled throughout the dialogue.

And people outside on the street say these things too! The horror!

 
 

a bunch of asterisks and interrobangs¹

¹Veiled Guantanamo Reference?

 
 

Fucking &*@mville Motherfuckers!

Fixed for accuracy.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Studies have shown that children exposed to character jumbles as substitutes for naughty words are more likely to experiment with gay sex, smoke crack cocaine, text while driving, waste time on Facebook, make fun of Glenn Beck, and declare bankruptcy before the age of thirty than children who only see polite words that are completely spelled out.

This explains SO MUCH. I’m five for six, and all along I thought it was because my dad didn’t love me. Glad to know it’s because my parents communicated with me solely through symbol jumbles as substitutes for naught words until I was 8 years old. I can’t wait to bring this up with my therapist next week!

 
 

I’m five for six

Actor will want to know which five, I’m sure.

 
 

Desmondcat is home now, all better, and back to ignoring me.

I’m glad your pussy is OK, and it was just a UTI. Give it a big kiss for me!!

(sorry, but I just had to. It was right there.)

 
 

Isn’t there a show about a toilet? Its not on CBS I think. Its just a shot of a toilet for 30 minutes. Can’t remember the name though…

 
Ted the Slacker
 

My favorite word in all this:

CBS deliberately introduced a new show called “$#*! My Dad Says.”

“deliberately”.

What kind of glue-sniffer uses that as a qualifier in this context?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m glad your pussy is OK, and it was just a UTI. Give it a big kiss for me!!

Okay, but it’s going to take a couple of months. I haven’t been to yoga in quite a while…

“deliberately”.

What kind of glue-sniffer uses that as a qualifier in this context?

I believe that networks normally draw show titles out of a hat. CBS has broken tradition in this case.

 
 

Oh no! Swears! Oh, help me, Doctor Zaius!

 
biff diggerence
 

(from Garden State)

“Serpico ‘n shit”

 
 

It does need a better title, though. It’s so compromised it’s just stupid.

 
 

Um. Yeah.

Clearly Mr. Bozo doesn’t read teh funny papers because when the characters curse they use … characters.

I suppose we should start counting the number of #$%^&s in horrid trashy family-hating comics like Beetle Bailey, Hagar the Horrible and B.C.* so we know which swear words they’re using and we can exhibit the appropriate level of outrage.

*Yes, I am a huge nerd.

 
 

Bozell’s gonna really freak out when CBS unveils the mid-season replacement, Texts From Last Night.

Actually I’d watch that show.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Bozell’s gonna really freak out when CBS unveils the mid-season replacement, Texts From Last Night.

Actually I’d watch that show.

Oooh, with people re-enacting them? I would TOTALLY watch that.

 
 

CBS deliberately introduced a new show called “$#*! My Dad Says.”

Those accidental programs never seem to stir up trouble, do they, Ted?

 
 

Okay, but it’s going to take a couple of months. I haven’t been to yoga in quite a while…

DEF INTEREST! W? N?

 
 

the fecal curse word

That’s funnier than “$#*! .”

 
 

Actor will want to know which five, I’m sure.

I’m betting “gay sex” was the one she missed.

 
 

Studies have shown that children exposed to character jumbles as substitutes for naughty words are more likely to experiment with gay sex, smoke crack cocaine, text while driving, waste time on Facebook, make fun of Glenn Beck, and declare bankruptcy before the age of thirty than children who only see polite words that are completely spelled out.

Well, gee, that would be just about everyone who read the funnies in the daily paper, back when there were funnies and a daily paper, so like, everyone born before, oh, 1995.

Oh my god.

 
 

I have an OCD tic which requires me to point out a this juncture that correlation is not causation.

/Not Spock

 
 

Isn’t there a show about a toilet? Its not on CBS I think. Its just a shot of a toilet for 30 minutes. Can’t remember the name though…

Help me, Obi-Dee K-Warhol

Okay, actually I have no idea.

 
 

Everyone knows that the word $#*! is a Bozell No-No.

You forgot to mention some of the other fine networks out there – we have the Midgets & Fat People network, the Trashy Attention Whores network, the Law and Order network and of course, the one that started it all, the Gluing Channel.

When Pink Floyd observed, “I got 13 channels of shit on the TV to choose from”, they were only off by a factor of 10. Of course, it was 1979.

 
 

Seriously, I’m impressed that he could bring himself to use the word “fecal”, rather than the more colloquial expression in use during my youth – BM.

 
 

“deliberately”.

What kind of glue-sniffer uses that as a qualifier in this context?

What do you mean? I feel I need to know which shows were deliberate and which ones were inadvertently produced, filmed and aired. It matters.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m betting “gay sex” was the one she missed.

Kinda depends on how you define it…

Well, gee, that would be just about everyone who read the funnies in the daily paper, back when there were funnies and a daily paper, so like, everyone born before, oh, 1995.

You mean, I’m not alone?

 
Ted the Slacker
 

I believe that networks normally draw show titles out of a hat.

Silly me. Well played, T&U.

As for “the fecal curse word starting with an S”… Santorum, no?

 
 

Isn’t there a show about a toilet? Its not on CBS I think. Its just a shot of a toilet for 30 minutes. Can’t remember the name though…

CBS Evening News?

 
Whenever The Goddamn Batman Thinks That He Has Run Out Of Challenges To Face, He Contemplates The Career Of William Shatner And Resolves To Elevate His Game
 

I think that we should all accept as a challenge, for the new millenium, of taking away the taboos that surround certain words and the concepts that they embody, as witness the example of the President of the United States, Barack “Motherfucker” Obama. Also, we should have more non-alphabet characters in people’s names. And if you’re going to tell me that that might cause problems when people fill out the little circles on machine-readable forms with a #2 pencil, well, why the fuck don’t we get rid of that cocksucking cuntcheese motherfucking bullshit as well?

 
 

I have an OCD tic which requires me to point out a this juncture that correlation is not causation.

Clearly you have missed the whole “access to condoms causes sex and eventual death” debate.

 
 

When Pink Floyd observed, “I got 13 channels of shit on the TV to choose from”, they were only off by a factor of 10. Of course, it was 1979.

And then there’s Bruce Springsteen’s ode to cable: 57 channels and nothing’s on.

Newton Minow: Television is a vast wasteland.*

Newt Gingrich fucked up PBS, so there we are.

*-I was about to attribute that to Ted Sturgeon, but he what he actually said was that 90% of any genre is crap.

Or should that be \/@$* wasteland and 90% of everything is #~@&?

 
 

Finally, I can get in a word of praise and thanks before this thread spirals into the triple digits.

Jeebus H. Christ on a popsicle stick but you people make me LAUGH!

Thank you. Please continue to goad v into showing the goods and trashing you-know-who’s mama.

The end.

 
 

I’m betting “gay sex” was the one she missed.

Kinda depends on how you define it…

This looks suspiciously like obfuscation.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Silly me. Well played, T&U.

Thanks!

CBS Evening News?

I literally snorted.

That would explain all the commercials for incontinence drugs and adult diapers.

I’d rather not speculate about the Cialis ads, though.

 
 

Clearly you have missed the whole “access to condoms causes sex and eventual death” debate.

I believe that’s more along the lines of “the post hoc ergo propter hoc* fallacy”.

Except that it’s really stupid even for that because post hoc? More like 2 billion years ante hoc. Suck on some bacteria breeding bars, suckas.

*=after this, therefore, because of this

 
 

Seriously, I’m impressed that he could bring himself to use the word “fecal”,

To be fair, he fainted twice while typing it.

Ironically, immediately after, he had to text his crack cocaine dealer and offer him gay sex because he just didn’t have the money to pay off his tab.

 
 

Whenever The Goddamn Batman Thinks That He Has Run Out Of Challenges To Face, He Contemplates The Career Of William Shatner And Resolves To Elevate His Game

Do you have, like, some supercomputer-funnyass-nym generator? Why are you so funny? Do you work for the CIA or something? Seriously, please post more of these.

 
 

This must be why all the bad words have been removed from the Rentboys site. At least that’s what I heard…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

This looks suspiciously like obfuscation.

On the contrary! I’m trying not to make any false or misleading claims.

 
 

The Goddamn Batman wrote:
I think that we should all accept as a challenge, for the new millenium, of taking away the taboos that surround certain words and the concepts that they embody, as witness the example of the President of the United States, Barack “Motherfucker” Obama.

Best… Link… Ever… *i’m not worthy, i’m not worthy*

“I ain’t yo’ bitch nigga–buy your own damn fries.” WIN!!

Wait–2009? How did I miss this? Oh well, STILL AWESOME.

 
 

Okay, but it’s going to take a couple of months. I haven’t been to yoga in quite a while…

I’m sure we could take a up a collection to pay for the classes.

 
 

This must be why all the bad words have been removed from the Rentboys site. At least that’s what I heard…

*snort*

You know what would be awesome TV? Rentboys.com team vs. Eliot Spitzer’s girls. Sorta American Idol talent contest (heh heh) or even Family Feud, but not literally Family Feud because that show sucks. Gays vs. Girls.

I would watch that. I would watch that nightly.

 
 

Ironically, immediately after, he had to text his crack cocaine dealer and offer him gay sex because he just didn’t have the money to pay off his tab.

He keeps writing &$%* like that he’s going to have plenty of crack money. Uptight chuchy bitchez got fat stacks of cheese!

 
 

You know what would be awesome TV? Rentboys.com team vs. Eliot Spitzer’s girls. Sorta American Idol talent contest (heh heh) or even Family Feud, but not literally Family Feud because that show sucks. Gays vs. Girls.

Not if there were swear words!

Seriously Bozell. You’re a fucking moron. Yeah, I said it. Wait, you’re SHIT HUMPING FUCKING MORON.

Tell you what, dicklord. You get rid of all of the shows boldly featuring shootings, stabbings, hanging, rapes, torture, autopsies, then we’ll talk about a veiled curse word. That ok with you, Closetus?

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

I’m betting “gay sex” was the one she missed.

Kinda depends on how you define it…

Is ther quibble re “sex” or re “gay”?

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Such potty mouths you people have. I’m shocked and disgusted.

 
 

%$@#%@# is bush league swearing that wouldn’t raise an eyebrow at a church social. When I was in Antarctica I worked with a former navy electronics tech. He couldn’t complete a sentence without using words like æ®®¶?? or ¥£§ß°. that guy had a pretty foul mouth. I had to look some of those words up.

 
 

The bestest part of Bozo’s fear of bad words is the fact that they are a huge focal point of any spoken language. The number of slang entries for poopin’ and fuckin’ and pissin’ and all the involved body parts (and more, to be sure) numerically swamps damn near every other bit o’ language in a particular tongue.

It’s like trying to ban sex among teenagers.

NA GA HAPPEN.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m sure we could take a up a collection to pay for the classes.

Hm…I do have a Paypal account…

I would watch that. I would watch that nightly.

So would I. And I fucking hate reality TV.

 
Ted the Slacker
 

Somewhat OT, but this is an outstanding post about the oil spill. Make that a %&#*ing outstanding post.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Is ther quibble re “sex” or re “gay”?

“Gay.” Though I suppose “sex” could be under debate, too.

 
 

Sanctimonious faux outrage? I put that s%#t on everything!

 
 

It’s like trying to ban sex among teenagers.

NA GA HAPPEN.

Reminds me of a story. Once upon a time, there was an uptight, whitebread little community called Spokane, WA. Here in Spokane, we had a state representative who tried to pass a law outlawing sex between teenagers. It failed. Later, he became the mayor of Spokane, and eventually got caught soliciting underage boys for sex. I probably don’t have to tell you that he was one of those “family values” Repukes. Ah, good times.

 
 

Best… Link… Ever… *i’m not worthy, i’m not worthy*

Heh. Someone pointed me to this site almost a year ago. The next day my computer no longer booted up with that annoying Windows music. It now says “you ain’t my bitch baby. Buy your own damn fries.” And when I turn it off it tells me “this shit is getting way too complicated for me.”

 
Elephant Butte
 

Needs more S.E. C*&$

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Somewhat OT, but this is an outstanding post about the oil spill. Make that a %&#*ing outstanding post.

Holy motherfucking fuck. Just when I thought it couldn’t get more depressing…

“I guarantee BP’s drilling executives think that booming is for pussies — and that’s if they think about booming at all or even know what it is.”

Ah, this reminds me of rednecks who scoff at you when you get in their huge fucking trucks and put on your seatbelt. (If you can find it). Fucking pathetic.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

What’s up, WordPress? Too much cursing?

Somewhat OT, but this is an outstanding post about the oil spill. Make that a %&#*ing outstanding post.

That’s extremely depressing.

“I guarantee BP’s drilling executives think that booming is for pussies — and that’s if they think about booming at all or even know what it is.”

Reminds me of rednecks who think that the seatbelts in their gigantic fucking trucks are for pussies, too.

 
 

I believe that’s more along the lines of “the post hoc ergo propter hoc* fallacy”.

You illegal immmigrants and your fucking Spanish

 
 

Thanks for the guidance and concern- actor, vacuumslayer and tsam. I get a ‘invalid format’ at the postal code entry, during my repeatedly thwarted entry attempts at ASshOle (VeiledButtSecksRefferral). I want to believe that my ZIP code is flagged as verboten for the ‘wingers, that way I can justify my unfocused rage at the pack of rotten-crotch, scumbag-sucking, dog-fuckers that hold those conservative views. Regarding weird TV shit, I remember watching a German TV show (when I was in Germany in the 70’s) that had full-frontal nudity and simulated sex- it was a sort of medieval soap-opera sort of thing (my German language comprehension sucked- then and now), so I don’t recall the name or much of anything else about it, except it was prime-time and sort of interesting. With nekkid gurlz and doodz. And probably nasty German words.

 
 

Sanctimonious faux outrage? I put that s%#t on everything!

It’s a dessert topping AND a floor wax!

 
 

Bozell had better avoid the UK. Some TV programmes from recent years, all aired by the state broadcaster:

F*** Off, I’m Ginger
My Big Breasts And Me
The C Word: How We Came To Swear By It
Teens Hooked On Porn

 
 

Regarding weird TV shit, I remember watching a German TV show (when I was in Germany in the 70’s) that had full-frontal nudity and simulated sex- it was a sort of medieval soap-opera sort of thing (my German language comprehension sucked- then and now), so I don’t recall the name or much of anything else about it, except it was prime-time and sort of interesting.

I had a buddy growing up who’s parents were from Germany and he would confirm your story. Many German TV programs featured full frontal nudity and even simulated sex.

Of course, you know who else was German?

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

I get a ‘invalid format’ ….

Try using a different browser.

 
 

My Big Breasts And Me

I’ve actually seen that listed on BBC America! Never seen it. Yet.

The funniest part of all this is, if they wanted to, any basic cable channel could air porn 24/7. The FCC regulations only cover over-the-air broadcasts. It’s simply an agreement on the part of cable operators not to air porn that it doesn’t air.

Presumably, they don’t want public outrage to build to such a crescendo that they’d be forced under FCC regulations and then have to comply with a whole raft of other, much less profitable regulations, like limiting the number of commercials that can air or actually showing the fucking credits at the end of a film.

 
 

creature, I had a the damndest time getting in too, then when I finally did, my comment just spun around in Intertoobs Purgatory. Poop. Yeah, so I finally got in by putting in my zip code (just the first digits, not the last 4) then pushing the “Look up” button. Also…try reloading the page.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Of course, you know who else was German?

The doctor character in Human Centipede?

 
 

My Big Breasts And Me

Is that the UK version of the telenovela with a title that translates as something like “there is no Paradise without Breasts”?

Or is just an hour of top-down close-ups of B^4’s head?

 
 

Try using a different browser.

Yeah. It doesn’t like Mozilla on my Mac at home but is fine with Safari on the same machine. All I can say is that site is fine piece o’ Internet Engineering.

I suspect they are going to have to do a top kill or junk shot to prevent that thing from oozing all over the place. They put it up, and promptly lost control of it.

The only question is when.

I love it.

 
 

Intertoobs Purgatory

Nowhere near as nice as Interboobs Purgatory.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Nowhere near as nice as Interboobs Purgatory.

I dunno. Cleavage is pretty awesome.

 
 

Cleavage is pretty awesome.

That’s what i was saying. My cleverly-disguised double negative may have fooled you.

 
 

FYWP

I said before it got eated:

Cleavage is pretty awesome.

That’s what I meant. My cleverly disguised double negative may have fooled you.

 
 

T&U – I’ve posted a clever response twice and FYWP eats it. Trust me, it was on target and pithy.

 
 

Nowhere near as nice as Interboobs Purgatory.

MOTORBOAT!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

T&U – I’ve posted a clever response twice and FYWP eats it. Trust me, it was on target and pithy.

I believe you.

WordPress is a fuckface.

 
 

Anglo-Saxon still gets no respect – just major daily mileage around the globe.

Don’t even get me started on how “slut” was originally the polite term for a respectable damsel, while referring to somebody’s spouse or daughter as a “lady” could get your ass invited to a duel, or worse.

I’m much more offended by the fact that there’s a fucking show on TV based on a fucking Twitter account

Yeah, this … a thousand times this.

Sure, I’ve lived to see millions of eager yuts flock to their Odeons to cough up ten bucks or so to watch cinematic reboots of such heavy-duty cultural icons as The Flintstones, Bewitched & Starsky and Hutch … but “Shit My Dad Says?”

Twitter account ⇒ ⇒ ⇒ TeeVee series?
Srsly?

I await with baited breath the hawt based-on-a-true-story extravaganza of the 2012 TeeVee season: “The Biography Of A Dust-Bunny, Part 2 : Revenge Of Static-Cling.”

 
 

I believe you.

Naive midwesterner.

Cleavage is pretty awesome.

The high point of the movie version of Silent Hill is when the second female lead is momentarily distracted by her own breasts.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

I’m betting “gay sex” was the one she missed.

Huh. I thought that was mandatory for female university students now. As God is my witness, I thought Girls Gone Wild was a documentary!

My money is on smoking rock, with declaring bankruptcy close second.

 
 

I thought that was mandatory for female university students now.

Yea, but Sippy Cupp took the blush off that rose for me.

 
 

Is it just me (I may be late to this party) or did America Freaking Out clean up the responses a little? What happened to the guy who posted over and over “I am a turtle”?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Naive midwesterner.

What? I totally grew up on the street. Mosely Street, to be specific.

The high point of the movie version of Silent Hill is when the second female lead is momentarily distracted by her own breasts.

I don’t really remember that part, but I think I’ve only seen that movie drunk.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Is it just me (I may be late to this party) or did America Freaking Out clean up the responses a little? What happened to the guy who posted over and over “I am a turtle”?

No, I noticed that, too. Now I am sad.

 
 

Yea, but Sippy Cupp took the blush off that rose for me.

I thought all atheists had ritualistic bondage bloody sex. Like in the movies. Is that not true? Painful sex is a lot like abstinence.

 
 

Yea, but Sippy Cupp took the blush off that rose for me.

She is a ballerina you know. Of course she’s a lesbian. They’re almost as bad as softball players.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

My money is on smoking rock, with declaring bankruptcy close second.

Look, I had to pick my prostitute roommate’s kid from school and my car was broken down, okay?

 
 

She is a ballerina you know. Of course she’s a lesbian. They’re almost as bad as softball players.

Y’know, I got pissy when her mom put my daughter in ballet classes, so I made her play softball.

I turned my daughter lezzie….*sob*

 
 

My computer art work tells me that America freaking Out is in the spam category and I’m not allowed access. I’m not terribly upset about that.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I thought all atheists had ritualistic bondage bloody sex. Like in the movies.

Good Lord, man, what movies are you watching?!

I need exact titles, please.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Wait, so what happens if you are in ballet classes AND you “play” softball?

 
 

Wait, so what happens if you are in ballet classes AND you “play” softball?

You start wearing flannel and stop wearing lipstick.

Also, shaving. Also.

 
 

Wait, so what happens if you are in ballet classes AND you “play” softball?

I don’t know, but from the fact you asked this question I’m thinking perhaps you can answer this one.

Interested, website, newsletter and glossy magazine if possible.

 
 

I turned my daughter lezzie….*sob*

Boundary crossing alert!!

You could turn that into a WIN for you…

 
 

You could turn that into a WIN for you…

I know, but….

HEY! What are you saying????

 
 

Hmmm. Doesn’t sound likely. I’ve never seen a butch or hairy ballerina.

Now, they might start dating those women…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You start wearing flannel and stop wearing lipstick.

Also, shaving. Also.

But……what will I spend my money on? Besides booze?

 
 

But……what will I spend my money on? Besides booze?

Crack and hundreds of thousands of knick knacks from the dollar store.

 
 

But……what will I spend my money on? Besides booze?

Subarus.

 
 

But……what will I spend my money on?

A Subaru Outback

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Look, I had to pick my prostitute roommate’s kid from school and my car was broken down, okay?

Wait, what? Is this the reason why you didn’t smoke crack or the reason why you didn’t declare bankruptcy? How does either one get the poor kid home in time for Sesame Street?

BTW (quick subject change) apparently, Sesame Street reruns from the early 70s have been declared “For Adults Only” because they show kids doing “unsafe things” like swinging on the monkey bars and playing in the vacant lot. Speaking as a parent, parents are messed up.

 
 

too slow on the fingers today

*shakes gnarled fist at A212*

 
 

T&U, that would be:
“Ilsa, She-wolf of the bladdyblah blah”

Srsly. A copy. I has it. Great are the torrentz!~

 
 

what will I spend my money on?

Emily and Amy b-sides

 
 

Sesame Street reruns from the early 70s have been declared “For Adults Only” because they show kids doing “unsafe things” like swinging on the monkey bars and playing in the vacant lot.

That sux. Take away all the unsafe stuff and there won’t be anything to do as a kid. This gives me hope, though.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

But……what will I spend my money on? Besides booze?

Crack and hundreds of thousands of knick knacks from the dollar store.

Subarus.

How much money do you people think I make???

 
 

Cal,

It’s “Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS” unless you have the other great film, “Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheik,” or even “Ilsa, Tigress of Siberia”

Or “Ilsa, The Wicked Warden” which was actually released in the States as “Wanda, the Wicked Warden”….

Uschi Digard, who co-starred with Dyanne Thorne…*sigh*. My favorite actress. And by actress, I mean in this case “woman who will bare it all for the camera for no particular artistic purposes, whatsoever.”

“She Wolf” was filmed on the abandoned set of Hogan’s Heroes, btw.

 
 

How much money do you people think I make???

Enough to live a life of decadence and homosexuality.

 
 

I mean, those interiors don’t design themselves! Besides, think of all the money you’ll save on hair and beauty treatments!

 
Lurking Canadian
 

That sux. Take away all the unsafe stuff and there won’t be anything to do as a kid. This gives me hope, though.

I heard about it in a (very funny and well written) book called Free Range Kids, which is an attempt to return sanity (and an understanding of probability theory) to child rearing. Fun fact: Did you know that the number of children poisoned by strangers giving out tainted candy on Hallowe’en is [drumroll]…ZERO?

 
 

BTW (quick subject change) apparently, Sesame Street reruns from the early 70s have been declared “For Adults Only” because they show kids doing “unsafe things” like swinging on the monkey bars and playing in the vacant lot. Speaking as a parent, parents are messed up.

Who has a better chance of getting brutally injured swinging on monkey bars–a kid, or a 30 year old internet junkie? Just sayin. We should keep suggestive things like that away from chubby has-beens.

 
 

Thanks to all the helpfuls. I tried numerous combinations- it may be a BlackBerry thing- I’ve seen it in other place on the net. The ASshOle site does seem a bit…wooden? Archaic? Cheap-assed? Of course, it is guvamint munnys so, why should the simpletons care?

 
 

Fun fact: Did you know that the number of children poisoned by strangers giving out tainted candy on Hallowe’en is [drumroll]…ZERO?

That’s only because the parents eat all the candy before the kids can get to it.

 
 

I heard about it in a (very funny and well written) book called Free Range Kids, which is an attempt to return sanity (and an understanding of probability theory) to child rearing. Fun fact: Did you know that the number of children poisoned by strangers giving out tainted candy on Hallowe’en is [drumroll]…ZERO?

What? I got like 40 apples with razor blades in them when I was a kid. Come to think of it, I’m the only one who got them.

 
 

Oh I know what it is Actor. And I do have a copy. And I did watch the whole thing. And I need help. A looooooot of help.

And I think this is the perfect place to get it.

“Up the voltage!”
It goes from God, to Jerry, to Kent, to the cleaners, to actor, to T&U, to vacuumslayer, to tsam (lawd, I hopes I ain’t leavin’ nobody importants out), to the reader.

So, did I hear right that someone’s starting up a softball team?

 
 

It goes from God, to Jerry, to Kent, to the cleaners, to actor, to T&U, to vacuumslayer, to tsam (lawd, I hopes I ain’t leavin’ nobody importants out), to the reader.

Very nice “Real Genius” reference. Nicely played!

*polite golf clap*

Martini?

 
 

So, did I hear right that someone’s starting up a softball team?

Yea, unfortunately, since its a lesbian sport, there are no pitchers or catchers. Only liquors.

 
 

I got like 40 apples with razor blades in them when I was a kid. Come to think of it, I’m the only one who got them.

Hang on, didn’t you once tell me that your parents wouldn’t let you go out trick or treating, that they’d do it for you and leave all your gifts in a bowl outside your room?

 
 

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

*Someone* here has a webcam, yah?

 
 

All I got were rocks. And the kindly old gentleman in the dark house down the way who gave them out said they should be “off”. I think I got the most of them.

Until they came and took him away.

 
 

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Look, if I gotta swing my bat, I want someone else tossing the balls.

If you know what I mean, and I think you do.

 
 

FOR THE RECORD!

I did not go anywhere near actor’s balls. That was unsolicited.
Totally.

But, I do know what you mean.

 
 

Until they came and took him away.

Well, see, the first clue should have been when you knocked on the door, said “Trick or treat!” and the first response was “You holdin’?”

 
 

Hang on, didn’t you once tell me that your parents wouldn’t let you go out trick or treating, that they’d do it for you and leave all your gifts in a bowl outside your room?

Yeah, the chain only came off on Christmas day.

 
 

Can’t someone, ANYONE, talk about boobies again?

Please?

 
 

No, I noticed that, too. Now I am sad.

Oh! Ye of little faith!

“America needs to show more respect for Ronald Reagan. For example, Washington DC should be Reagan DC, and the Mississippi river should be the Mississippi Reagan.”

“Michele Bachman should be the only incumbent allowed back in Washington.”

“My fingers smell like pennies” [Editor’s note: Musta eaten those KYFRICHI taters with their hands]

“Let us hardworking Americans maintain and build our own roads! End this socialism! Take to the evil government-regulated highways and roads with your torches and pickaxes, comrades!”

“the Republican Party should come up with a slate of candidates with the ability to speak in full sentences.”

“Tax babysitters. There are some 12 year old girls out there raking it in! Think of all the lost revenue from ignoring this important tax base. Plus, the kiddies might as well learn from an early age that Life Stinks!”

“STOP THE FCC FROM SLOWING DOWN WEBSITES IT WANTS. THAT’S PROBABLY WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS ONE RIGHT NOW.”

“We should ban democRATs from this site. It shouldn’t even be legal for them to be here, since they aren’t a part of the GOP. We should MAKE THIS INTO LAW before they see this site. This is OUR site. They could influence my party, and I don’t want to associate with those librals.”

“We need to keep God in the classrooms. He watches over all our children and we need to spoon feed them his love from a young age. Praise be to Thor! May his mighty hammer smite our enemies!”

“Schools should be required to teach both sides of every issue. Teach gravity with anti-gravity, geology and biology with young earth creationism, and oxygen with phlogiston. Most science teachers refuse to give equal weight to science and dogma. This is really making me mad.”

“Education is dangerous – Every educated person is a future enemy”

“Edukation is only for the elite. All college students should drop out. If it worked for Rush and Hannity, you know it will for you!”

“Jesus needs to be put back into the history books! The day he freed the slaves was the most important event in American history and people are trying to block that event out of our history! Stop trying to change our history, we konw how it happened.”

OK, so they’re not all “I sleep in a drawer.”

But the thing is still a Mt. Rushmore-sized monument to cluelessness and pHaLE.
Let me put it another way: There were meetings about this. It was discussed and approved. Someone, no doubt, said, “That’s a brilliant idea!” And there was fist bumping.

 
 

Well, see, the first clue should have been when you knocked on the door, said “Trick or treat!” and the first response was “You holdin’?”

“Dave’s not here, man”

 
 

Let me put it another way: There were meetings about this. It was discussed and approved. Someone, no doubt, said, “That’s a brilliant idea!” And there was fist bumping.

That would explain all the black eyes. We are talking about pasty white men, after all.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Wait, what? Is this the reason why you didn’t smoke crack or the reason why you didn’t declare bankruptcy? How does either one get the poor kid home in time for Sesame Street?

*sigh* I don’t want to talk about it. I prefer to pretend that I ran up massive amounts of credit card debt going on amazing trips to Europe instead of being sued for swideswiping a shitty Saturn* in a prostitute’s uninsured minivan at 19.**

*No injuries!
**Women drivers, amirite?

 
 

Can’t someone, ANYONE, talk about boobies again?

Sorry, union rules. We have to give equal time to PENIS.

WARNING: If your erection last 72 hours, find a better hooker.

 
 

prostitute’s uninsured minivan at 19.

That’s one fucking old minivan.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I mean, those interiors don’t design themselves! Besides, think of all the money you’ll save on hair and beauty treatments!

I wish I had enough to spend on hair and beauty treatments that saving it would allow me to afford multiple Subarus.*

*VLOR

 
 

*VLOR…and OLRDER?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Note to self: add “stealing Halloween candy” to the Pro column on the “Kids?” chart.

 
 

And Easter candy.
And Christmas candy.
And Valentine’s candy.

 
 

Note to self: add “stealing Halloween candy” to the Pro column on the “Kids?” chart.

Maybe you can have it incorporated in the GOP legislative agenda?

 
 

Has Arbor Day candy caught on yet?

 
 

And there was fisting bumping.

Fixt cuz rentboys are people too!

 
 

My God, you people make stealing children’s candy seem as if its as easy as stealing candy from a ba–

Oh.

 
 

The GOP calls it “OPC” and they are down with it.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

OLRDER

Okay, I spent, like, 30 seconds trying to figure this one out, and then I got bored. Hint, plz?

Maybe you can have it incorporated in the GOP legislative agenda?

Only if it’s a re-allocation of candy from poor, freeloading children to richer, more productive kids.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

T&U, I’m sorry. I did not mean to pry.

That must have been a some tour of Europe you took when you were nineteen.

 
 

WARNING: If your erection last 72 hours, find a better hooker.

Or seek Oedipal Treatment

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Has Arbor Day candy caught on yet?

Not yet. But as soon as it does, Reese’s will torture me with peanut butter Arbor Day trees.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

T&U, I’m sorry. I did not mean to pry.

That must have been a some tour of Europe you took when you were nineteen.

Oh, that’s quite all right.

It was amazing. Totally worth ruining my credit over.

 
Lurking Canadian
 

Only if it’s a re-allocation of candy from poor, freeloading children to richer, more productive kids.

Atlas Went Potty, A Children’s Story, by A. Rand.

 
 

Not yet. But as soon as it does, Reese’s will torture me with peanut butter Arbor Day trees.

Those Reese’s eggs and trees are proof that a divine being does exist, and he or she loves me.

 
 

Okay, I spent, like, 30 seconds trying to figure this one out, and then I got bored. Hint, plz?

OK, it needed polishing. It should have read “VLOR… & VLORDER”. Better?

 
 

Stealing candy from a baby, taking money from the rubes*.
It’s all in how you parse it I guess.

*The All That Know Him Movement. Fer reals.

 
 

Reese’s will torture me with peanut butter Arbor Day trees.

Wouldn’t nipples clamps be fewer calories?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Atlas Went Potty, A Children’s Story, by A. Rand.

Heh.

Who is Ronald McDonald?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Wouldn’t nipples clamps be fewer calories?

I meant the bad kind of torture.

 
 

Being new here, I’m actually still stuck on VLOR.
Got the V.
Got the L. (oh how I wish. “Dear Penthouse letters…”)

Got the R.

Am missing the O. (uh oh, that’s a floater right over the middle of the plate…)

 
 

Am missing the O. (uh oh, that’s a floater right over the middle of the plate…)

What I said with reference to priapsm applies to this as well: find a better hooker.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Those Reese’s eggs and trees are proof that a divine being does exist, and he or she loves me.

Yes, and my sudden adult onset of a peanut allergy proves that he or she hates me.

 
 

Atlas may go potty, but it’s Galt that takes it. But what does he do with it? All day?

Aren’t we veering way off into strange territory there?

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

At this point you can’t even cover up the breasts on statues because, you know, the breasts (and nipples!) are still there behind the hastily draped blanket and just looking at the blanket will make you think about the breasts themselves and, even worse, the nipples themselves.

And so, now stands revealed the actual slippery slope to Sharia Law. As it turns out, the foul-mouthed libertines aren’t involved so much as the repressed prudes.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

VLORDER

Veiled Law and Order?

 
 

Poor T&U.
There’s always Goober ya know.
Taint a real, live peanut within a MILE of that stuff!

 
 

Holden Caulfield could simply have said “silly phonies” and the book would not have lost anything.

Sadly, No! If someone were to publish such a thing, some of the very same conservatives scared $#@%-less by the very (bleeped) word, $#@# would be complaining about how “silly” is such an effete word and about the creeping wimpification of an increasingly P.C. America.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

BINGO!

Are you serious? That’s what I thought the first time around, but I couldn’t believe that it wasn’t something dirty…

Sharia Law

Speaking of…

(Yes. I hate myself).

 
 

WOOHOO!
Unemployment check’s here! Gotta git to the bank.

Carry on.

 
 

Yes, and my sudden adult onset of a peanut allergy proves that he or she hates me.

NOOOO. Wow. If I had your address I would send you a condolence card. That means no PB Twix either.

 
 

If I had your address I would send you a condolence card. That means no PB Twix either.

Can I have hers?

 
 

And so, now stands revealed the actual slippery slope to Sharia Law. As it turns out, the foul-mouthed libertines aren’t involved so much as the repressed prudes

No it’s not! It’s health care and gayz!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

NOOOO. Wow. If I had your address I would send you a condolence card. That means no PB Twix either.

I couldn’t have it because of the cookie part anyway.

Anybody wanna trade immune systems?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Did you guys know that food allergies are the new black? It’s true. You heard it from me first!

 
 

Calibre97 I have my eye on you. there’s only room for one person in this blog with a not particularly descriptive noun and a random pair of integers for a nym.

 
 

Anybody wanna trade immune systems?

Can I have your Subaru? How about I toss in my liver?

 
 

there’s only room for one person in this blog with a not particularly descriptive noun and a random pair of integers for a nym.

*raising eyebrow*

Pair. Let’s be clear on this.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Can I have your Subaru? How about I toss in my liver?

Thanks, but you can keep the liver. I have a feeling mine’s in better shape than yours. And I’m not a big fan of organ meats.

 
 

I took the time to be specific. I don’t mind if he move down to one integer or up to three (you might mind) or four.

 
 

And I’m not a big fan of organ meats.

I got that from the Subaru.

 
 

I don’t mind if he move down to one integer or up to three (you might mind) or four.

I haven’t bitten Liz212 in two.

Yet.

 
 

Sorry Dr. Zaius, but Jimmy Kimmel has already done that joke.

 
 

Can’t someone, ANYONE, talk about boobies again?

Boobies are a seabird closely related to the gannett. Some years back while taking a sailboat from Bermuda to the Bahamas we found some entertainment in watching the boobies attempt to land at the top of the mast. As the mast was being pitchad about by the ocean swells this proved to be an impossible feat for the boobies but they were amazingly tenacious in the attempt. I guess when you are 500 miles out to sea any possible resting spot is worth a try. I know that when you are 500 miles out to sea any little distraction can pass for entertainment.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

And I’m not a big fan of organ meats.

I got that from the Subaru.

Are you implying that you can determine what people enjoy eating based on the car they drive?

That’s just offal.

 
 

Did you guys know that food allergies are the new black?

Sure did. Nice to know Mrs. Fallsdownalot was a trendsetter. (OT – have you tried the new Betty Crocker GF cake & cookie mixes? Awesome! GF is getting mainstream.)

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

have you tried the new Betty Crocker GF cake & cookie mixes?

I have only had the brownies. I thought they were just as good as any wheat-based mix. And they had fewer ingredients than their wheaty counterparts.

I just bought a ton of flours and plan on experimenting. Eventually.

 
 

have you tried the new Betty Crocker GF cake & cookie mixes?
Gefilte fish cake and cookies? ick.

 
 

Did you guys know that food allergies are the new black? It’s true. You heard it from me first!

I’m so cool. I’ve been deathly allergic to eggs since being a teenager. Almost got it once, but was revived just in time.

 
 

How about I toss in my liver?

Don’t do it unless he shows you the LivFax report.

 
 

77south said,

May 28, 2010 at 19:35

Calibre97 I have my eye on you. there’s only room for one person in this blog with a not particularly descriptive noun and a random pair of integers for a nym.

Non-descriptive? Random? Damn 77south, and all this time I thought I had you pegged as a native Antarctican.

 
 

Anybody wanna trade immune systems?

If I traded you, omelettes and deviled eggs are history. Assuming you want to get an hour older.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m so cool. I’ve been deathly allergic to eggs since being a teenager. Almost got it once, but was revived just in time.

Damn. Mine aren’t deadly (yet). And I would really, really miss eggs. Imma gonna stop complaining.

 
 

I just bought a ton of flours and plan on experimenting. Eventually.

Two words.

The. Late. Great. Bette. Hagman.

 
 

I am a more or less native Antarctican. I spent a year of my life in McMurdo station from Oct 1999 -Oct 2000. I just don’t expect anyone else to recognize the latitude when they see it. (If one year doesn’t make me native, I like to think at least makes me more native than everyone I meet on a daily basis.)

 
 

T&U;

Is that Celiac Disease that you have? I have a good friend who has that. When she was first diagnosed, (about 2 years ago), finding GF food that wasn’t something like brussels sprout paste was pretty difficult.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The. Late. Great. Bette. Hagman.

Oh, her first book is on my list! I bought this first, and I’m regretting it a little because she calls for superfine rice flour in EVERYTHING, and that shit is expensive, even for gluten-free flours.

 
 

If you’re looking for flour this is what we use:

6 c. white rice flour
4 c. tapioca starch/flour
4 c. potato starch (not potato flour)

Pretty much substitutes 1:1 in wheat flour recipes.

 
 

Hey Boozie, it looks like you conservatives were ‘correct’ again!
Yep, once again, Sesame Street proves to be a den of perverts.

 
 

Old school GF foods were nazzty! NOW Foods rice bread was equivalent to styrofoam in texture and taste (may still be, for all I care.)

 
 

Perhaps Teh Anchoress can point Bozell in the direction of a good convent.

Don’t tell Wussy-Boy this, but “piss” is even in the bloody Bible, & “fuck” has its literary origins in Rabelais’ Gargantua & Pantagruel – one of the most awesome magnum opuses of good wholesome filth ever.

Although I’m zipcode-challenged, I’m still glad that the GOP2.0™ has given Yanks their new-&-improved “America Tweaks Out” online novelty, bringing joy into the hearts of millions – & indirectly providing wingnuts with yet more raw rageburger to throw on their collective psychic Hibachi.

WordPress is a fuckface.

*types jocular snark*
*submits*
*whimpers helplessly as nothing whatsoever happens*

(F5 F5 F5 F5)

Fucking FUCK.
*sigh*

Needless to say, this shit never happens when I remember to save first.

 
 

…and that shit is expensive, even for gluten-free flours.

Do you have any ethnic grocery stores in neighbourhood? I usually use the rice flour you get at Chinese grocery stores and most of my stuff turns out pretty good. Unless you’re looking for super-fine brown, then you’re $#*! outta luck.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Is that Celiac Disease that you have?

As far as I know, I’m only allergic to all the grains that have gluten. A blood test came out negative for celiac, but really, the only reliable way to diagnose it is with an intestinal biopsy. Since I already know that gluteny grains break me out in hives, give me earaches, and make me super-cranky, I figured I’d forgo that fun and exciting surgery and just eliminate gluten altogether.

 
 

Let me put it another way: There were meetings about this. It was discussed and approved. Someone, no doubt, said, “That’s a brilliant idea!” And there was fist bumping.

Well, they did manage to do it all on the taxpayer’s dime, undoubtedly giving the IT contract to someone’s hayseed brother in law. So there’s that.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Do you have any ethnic grocery stores in neighbourhood?

Um, there’s a Wal-Mart and 4 malls (3 strip and one indoor!) in walking distance…

We do have a Chinese grocery store out by the Hooters, but they have weird hours and I haven’t been able to make it there yet. I did buy fine rice flour and pulse it in the food processor, which was fine for pizza crusts and other savory stuff, but is still too grainy for sweets.

 
 

WARNING: Web presence for these guys is annoying (hooray for Flash abuse), but this is the white rice flour I generally use. I believe the bags are a pound of flour and when they’re on sale, they’re a dollar.

 
 

We do have a Chinese grocery store out by the Hooters…

You could drop by during your breaks at work.

 
the conspiratist
 

undoubtedly giving the IT contract to someone’s hayseed brother in law

Who actually turned out to be a LIBERAL MOLE~!~!~!~!~:

Bwahahahaha!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Needless to say, this shit never happens when I remember to save first.

Me, too. Also, it’s usually a brilliant post. Or, at least, I think it’s brilliant because it’s disappeared.

 
 

Since I already know that gluteny grains break me out in hives, give me earaches, and make me super-cranky, I figured I’d forgo that fun and exciting surgery and just eliminate gluten altogether.

But we want to read your description of having a hole-punch applied to your belly. YOUR FANS DEMAND IT!

 
 

Damn. Mine aren’t deadly (yet). And I would really, really miss eggs. Imma gonna stop complaining.

I can’t complain either. A friend of my ex-wife’s was allergic to literally hundreds of foods. Just skin contact with them would make her sick. She was bone thin and gaunt–that’s no life. I’d just have a big feast of everything I ever wanted and finish with a 9mm dessert.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You could drop by during your breaks at work.

I am such a liar. There is one much closer that I forgot about. I’ll check it out.

 
 

As far as I know, I’m only allergic to all the grains that have gluten. A blood test came out negative for celiac, but really, the only reliable way to diagnose it is with an intestinal biopsy. Since I already know that gluteny grains break me out in hives, give me earaches, and make me super-cranky, I figured I’d forgo that fun and exciting surgery and just eliminate gluten altogether.

Sounds familiar. She did have the biopsy and it was confirmed. She may have flunked the blood test too. The symptoms are precisely the same.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

But we want to read your description of having a hole-punch applied to your belly. YOUR FANS DEMAND IT!

Uh, I think that might just be you, dude. And that may be a little too overshare-y, even for me.

 
 

Well, they did manage to do it all on the taxpayer’s dime, undoubtedly giving the IT contract to someone’s hayseed brother in law. So there’s that.

I would make me super tickly in my pee pee spot to be able to hear the discussions about those crazy crazy libral fashits trolling that site like the bitch it is. I’m guessing there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth. And self pity.

 
 

Here’s some good $#*!. Start at 4:54.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Sounds familiar. She did have the biopsy and it was confirmed. She may have flunked the blood test too. The symptoms are precisely the same.

Well, it sounds like they caught it somewhat early, at least. Usually by the time the antibodies are in your blood, you have caused serious intestinal damage.

I worked in an excellent bakery throughout college, and a pretty good one here. I could not figure out why I felt like shit all of the time…it wasn’t until I started getting hives (and health insurance) that we figured it out.

 
 

Uh, I think that might just be you, dude.

I am legion. And I’m not a dud, also.

 
 

If you’re looking for flour this is what we use:

6 c. white rice flour
4 c. tapioca starch/flour
4 c. potato starch (not potato flour)

Pretty much substitutes 1:1 in wheat flour recipes.
– Willy

What I don’t get about gluten free products is why they use this recipe and not necessarily things that are more wheat-flour-like, e.g. buckwheat or amaranth flour.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

WTF? Gary Coleman died?

 
 

Well, they did manage to do it all on the taxpayer’s dime, undoubtedly giving the IT contract to someone’s hayseed brother in law. So there’s that.

True dat. But somebody —somebody over there has to realize what a clusterfuck this thing has become and are taking some shit for it. There’s got to be at least a couple of non-delusional adults over there. Right?

Right?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Extreme POOP!

Is it sad that I’m amused by the fact that dude’s last name is “Goin”?

 
 

I am a more or less native Antarctican.

What? No permanent tux? But my point is there’s probably also a reason behind the nym Calibre97. Perhaps it has something to do with Australian fashions coming to America.

 
 

Well, they did manage to do it all on the taxpayer’s dime, undoubtedly giving the IT contract to someone’s hayseed brother in law. So there’s that.

Best of all, Congressional erR’s didn’t trust Steele to not fuck it up so they kept the project to themselves.

Do you think the Republicans will get the hint about their credibility?

Yeah, SASQ. I know.

 
 

What? No permanent tux? But my point is there’s probably also a reason behind the nym Calibre97. Perhaps it has something to do with Australian fashions coming to America

No, I have no permanent tux. I have an electric blue double breasted silk suit that I had tailored when I went to Bangkok, but I rarely wear it.
I never suggested Calibre97’s name was chosen out of a hat, but it is terse enough that if it has meaning, it is only to him or a group of people ‘in the know’ Perhaps he has a really big gun? I couldn’t say.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

No permanent tux?

PENGIES!!!!!!!!!!!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Right?

I like you. You’re funny.

 
 

WTF? Gary Coleman died?

What does this do to Avenue Q?

 
 

Sure, I’ve lived to see millions of eager yuts flock to their Odeons to cough up ten bucks or so to watch cinematic reboots of such heavy-duty cultural icons as The Flintstones, Bewitched & Starsky and Hutch … but “Shit My Dad Says?”

ABC wants to reboot Alias. The one with Jennifer Garner that went of the air only Four F(*&(*&@()* Years Ago. And they’re rebooting Ron Moore’s reboot of BSG as a movie, when it only ended 15 months ago.

Nostalgia is overtaking creativity.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Nostalgia is overtaking creativity.

I think it’s also based on the misperception that this shit is “safe,” you know? The problem is that safety kills consumer interest, so you’re right fucking back where you started. You might as well try to make something decent and original.

 
 

And they’re rebooting Ron Moore’s reboot of BSG as a movie, when it only ended 15 months ago.

I’m all for this if they give it a decent ending.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m all for this if they give it a decent ending.

Me, too. Or at least tie up the 20 billion loose ends that were left after the finale.

 
 

Also, lame-assed Hawaii Five-O remake coming down the sewer.

Bleahh.

 
 

It’s not like the rest of us can turn off entire networks from the TV Guide® to get away from shit like bozell being there…

 
 

Nostalgia is overtaking creativity.

I think the problem is is that creativity is being ignored. The popularity of nostalgia and reality shows with the people who decide what is going to be aired is because they lack creativity. I’m not sure if it is because there are tea party types making these choices and creativity and change is scary to them or if they are just too cheap to pay for any real creativity. Perhaps a bit of both. Whatever the reason, it sucks.

 
 

I hear they’re remaking a version of FRIENDS! but with full nudity sex scenes, zombies, and robots with frickin’ lasers.

It’s gonna be hot.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It’s gonna be hot.

Not if that nasty, over-the-hill uggo Jennifer Aniston is in it.

 
 

I hear they’re remaking a version of FRIENDS! but with full nudity sex scenes, zombies, and robots with frickin’ lasers.

It’s gonna be hot.

Now that sounds like high quality creativity.

 
 

I hear they’re remaking a version of FRIENDS! but with full nudity sex scenes, zombies, and robots with frickin’ lasers.

It’s gonna be hot.

I will watch the show, patronize the sponsors, and buy the action figures if the pilot has a 5-minute scene of Schwimmer being savaged to death by a chihuahua.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The only thing more boring than my workplace on a Friday afternoon is my workplace on a Friday afternoon before a three-day weekend.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh, snap, Tintin! I was just about to post that!

 
 

$#*! My Dad Says doesn’t sound like it’s too high up on the creativity ladder either. (Note to Bozell, that’s a better title than feces my dad says.) Sounds like it will be like AFV, once you’ve seen one episode you’ve pretty much seen it all.

 
 

undoubtedly giving the IT contract to someone’s hayseed brother in law.

Heh, more accurate than you know. It’s “technology” built, designed and hosted by Microsoft.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Heh, more accurate than you know. It’s “technology” built, designed and hosted by Microsoft.

Which is probably why people running Firefox had a problem registering.

Of course they would use Microsoft! Why not?

 
Lurking Canadian
 

I hear they’re remaking a version of FRIENDS! but with full nudity sex scenes, zombies, and robots with frickin’ lasers.

NEEDZ MOAR SHARKS

 
 

NEEDZ MOAR SHARKS

Sharks for jumping?

 
 

You had me at full nudity

 
 

NEEDZ MOAR SHARKS

Sharks for jumping?

Hm…**jots down idea for new show**…Remake of Happy Days starting from the end, working backward…

That shit is copyrighted motherfuckers! Don’t you even try it!

 
 

I think it needs a precocious adopted child or wisecracking alien to really ‘pop’ though.

 
 

You had me at full nudity

They were also planning on doing a Golden Girls remake.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I think it needs a precocious adopted child or wisecracking alien to really ‘pop’ though.

Okay, Seth MacFarlane.

 
 

I think it needs a precocious adopted child or wisecracking alien to really ‘pop’ though.

Writing credit for 77south… PRECOCIOUS FUCKING ALIEN! I see millions in merch flying out the door. Lunchboxes, Coach purses with our alien logo…Yes, we’ll all be rich! Like that Clampett guy.

 
 

You had me at full nudity

They were also planning on doing a Golden Girls remake.

That’s a bonerkiller.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

They were also planning on doing a Golden Girls remake.

Hey, did your mom get that part, by the way? I keep forgetting to ask.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

FUCKING ALIEN

Yeah, no. Nobody wants to see that.

 
 

I think it needs a precocious adopted child or wisecracking alien to really ‘pop’ though.

I think I have it! Joanie and Chachi can’t have a child of their own so they adopt a precocious child (preferably African American) and Alf moves in to be the nanny.

 
 

Yeah, no. Nobody wants to see that.
millions of anime fans would tell you different.

 
Shell Goddamnit
 

“Dave’s not here.”

I have no idea exactly why I did this, but I put this cut on my MP3 player with about 8G of other stuff, and eventually it came up in the loop, long after I had forgotten it was there. I was riding along yukking it up and dealing with the powerful rush of nostalgia at the same time. MOST distracting. I don’t recommend beaming comedy directly into your head while riding a motorcycle, even if it is lame, old comedy.

Somebody told me they have a bluetooth-enabled helmet so they can take calls. WTF? Why?! Can’t a person be alone in their helmet, at least? Jesus christ.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Yeah, no. Nobody wants to see that.
millions of anime fans would tell you different.

Yeah, you’re right. Let me fix it.

Yeah, no. Nobody Anybody whose opinion matters* to me doesn’t want to see that.

*This means me.

 
Shell Goddamnit
 

Sorry about that, all the nostalgia made me nostalgic for nostalgia. Cycle of life & all. Why is there not a Cheech & Chong remake already, so I can avoid it?

 
 

They were also planning on doing a Golden Girls remake.

It was going to set entirely as a flashback, focusing on the time when the Bea Arthur and Betty White characters worked as strippers during the war and went undercover as spies who infiltrate a secret cabal of powerful industrialists in possession of alien technology used to harvest the precious bodily fluids of sexually deviant government employees.

It was going to be called Golden Shower Girls.

 
 

Come to think of it, I am kinda surprised there isn’t some wacky sitcom about a houseful of furries.

 
 

Hm…**jots down idea for new show**…Remake of Happy Days starting from the end, working backward…

I think it needs a precocious adopted child or wisecracking alien to really ‘pop’ though.

Plus a hi-larious swishy gay guy, always putting down Mrs. C’s decorating skills and Joanie’s fashion sense. That’s a fuckin’ moneymaker right there, boyo.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Plus a hi-larious swishy gay guy

Played by Zombie Paul Lynde.

Wait….I have an idea…

 
 

Why is there not a Cheech & Chong remake already, so I can avoid it?

Good news! You can avoid seeing them live, right now. Or follow them on Twitter! I’m looking at you, Actor212.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Now, the question is: do I work on this trope-based zombie sitcom idea, or do I concentrate on getting my steampunk pr0n company off the ground…

 
 

DAS said,

May 28, 2010 at 20:21 (kill)

What I don’t get about gluten free products is why they use this recipe and not necessarily things that are more wheat-flour-like, e.g. buckwheat or amaranth flour.

Got me, I dunno either. I’ll have to try substituting those in (replacing the crunchy rice flour, right?) and observe its organoleptic effect. Thanks.

The mix we use suits the Mrs. fine and it works in 90% of cooking uses. I’d say making pie crust is the hardest. Too thick and it becomes bulletproof, too thin and it’s cobbler.

 
 

Ooops, I gotta be serious here for a minute (really).

My partner had a very ugly situation at work with the male boss unit who started haranguing her and then closed her office door and began swearing at her. This is in Vermont, BTW. I have scanned some legal aid sites but thought some of you with ladyparts might be able to give me some strategy/legal tips on how to proceed. It would seem that they are trying to force her out by being hair-trigger abusive. She’s a wreck, I feel helpless and would love any thoughts (I already have the ball-punching one, but thanks) that might lead to her at least being able to avoid this shit before she can find a new gig.

Thanks.

(Sorry for the nonLULZ post, but I think there some pretty sharp and tough ladyparts-owners around here)

 
 

T&U: I’d recommend following up on the zombie sitcom. Rule 34 says somebody else has thought of the SPP.

 
 

How about a remake of All In The Family with Lewis Black as Archie, mumblemumble as Edith…I’ve had too many bongs, you guys fill in the rest for me, k?

 
 

This thread has gone into triple digits and not one of these posts is about me. What’s up with that? We gotta remedy that now.

OK, here’s the deal. I’m going through some sort of artist’s block and it is kicking my fucking ass. I worked on something for hours today, then trashed it. I’m honestly feeling as if I’ve totally lost my mojo. Does anyone have any ideas for me? Any whimsical fantasies? Anything? Anything? I’m dyin’ here.

 
 

Plus a hi-larious swishy gay guy, always putting down Mrs. C’s decorating skills and Joanie’s fashion sense. That’s a fuckin’ moneymaker right there, boyo.

Oh yes! Because that super awesome pile of poop Will and Grace left so much uncovered ground for retarded gay stereotype humor…no, wait.

 
 

Any whimsical fantasies
How’s that Snarklepony team logo coming?

 
 

Now, the question is: do I work on this trope-based zombie sitcom idea, or do I concentrate on getting my steampunk pr0n company off the ground…

If you combined the two, you could outrun The Price is Right!

 
 

OK, here’s the deal. I’m going through some sort of artist’s block and it is kicking my fucking ass. I worked on something for hours today, then trashed it. I’m honestly feeling as if I’ve totally lost my mojo. Does anyone have any ideas for me? Any whimsical fantasies? Anything? Anything? I’m dyin’ here.

I’d suggest substance abuse. Helps with my “music”.

 
 

How about a remake of All In The Family with Lewis Black as Archie, mumblemumble as Edith…I’ve had too many bongs, you guys fill in the rest for me, k?

Actor212 as Meathead!

 
 

I’d suggest substance abuse. Helps with my “music”.

Is that why we haven’t seen Substance McGravitas today?

 
 

Ahem, vacuumslayer.

See my comment at 19:02.

(p.s. How on earth does one create a link in this comment box? Just use HTML? kthx.)

 
 

My partner had a very ugly situation at work with the male boss unit who started haranguing her and then closed her office door and began swearing at her. This is in Vermont, BTW. I have scanned some legal aid sites but thought some of you with ladyparts might be able to give me some strategy/legal tips on how to proceed. It would seem that they are trying to force her out by being hair-trigger abusive. She’s a wreck, I feel helpless and would love any thoughts (I already have the ball-punching one, but thanks) that might lead to her at least being able to avoid this shit before she can find a new gig.

Was this a personal attack or was it (at least apparently) work related?

 
 

Aw, derr. Yep. Tried it in another thread.

 
 

(p.s. How on earth does one create a link in this comment box? Just use HTML? kthx.)

Click on the time stamp for a URL–then a regular old html link…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It would seem that they are trying to force her out by being hair-trigger abusive. She’s a wreck, I feel helpless and would love any thoughts (I already have the ball-punching one, but thanks) that might lead to her at least being able to avoid this shit before she can find a new gig.

I worked in a really, really abusive environment for a while. The boss would make someone cry at least once a day. It’s so, so stressful, and you feel so helpless.

Here’s what I would suggest:

1. Document, document, document. I’d suggest via an offsite email service or Google docs, just in case she can’t access her computer/work email (if she has them) suddenly. This should include as much detail as possible, including dates and times.

2. Is there anyone she can go to that is over the boss’s head? Is there an HR department? If so, I’d suggest she go talk to them as soon as possible. I would also suggest that she email that person from her work account (if possible) and blind cc her personal account so that she has a written trail regarding the incident. This goes doubly if they’re not willing to listen to her or take the situation seriously.

3. I’m sure Vermont has a human rights panel, or some sort of government service that deals with workplace abuses. She should notify them of what is occurring, and give them any documentation or other information that she has.

4. Is he abusive to anyone else? If he is, she should encourage those people to do the same things I suggested.

5. Unfortunately, other than this, I’m not sure what else she can do. 🙁 I just had to keep my head down and do what I could to avoid being in the line of fire. I would try and get out and walk around for a few minutes every couple of hours, which helped me remember that this wouldn’t be my life forever. It did risk that he would come looking for me and get all pissy with me because I wasn’t there. She would know best, obviously.

Lots of hugs and support helps. I hope she finds something new soon.

 
 

Was this a personal attack or was it (at least apparently) work related?

She was at work, the couple that owns the company are jerks. She was in her office and the male boss unit came in and started haranguing her about some project. SHe asked him not to speak to her in that tone and he slammed her office door shut and swore at her. Like I said, they may be in fact trying to force her out.

 
 

Does anyone have any ideas for me?

Oh for fuck’s sake. Just scroll up a few dozen posts, then mix and match the horrible, horrible mental images represented here. Something’s bound to gell.

Here, I’ll get you started: “zombie Alf steampunk pr0n”

See?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh, also? My mother-in-law is a retired HR manager and vice-president of a bank. She really knows her shit, and while she may not be as familiar with what works in VT, I’d be glad to ask her for any advice she might have, if you would like me to.

 
 

Yeah I’ll just drink until the magic juice until inspiration strikes.

But seriously I’ll take any bit of inspiration–dreams, fantasies, fleeting thoughts, favorite colors, obscure sexual fetishes….

Well not the last one…but I’m pretty desperate, so…

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

T&U: I’d recommend following up on the zombie sitcom. Rule 34 says somebody else has thought of the SPP.

Is it full-on hardcore? I can’t look. Dammit. I was just excited about the costumes.

 
 

tsam, I didn’t know u were a musician. Newsletter?

 
 

T&U, that would be wonderful. I am getting her to document this. If you want, loochda at the g mail place.

Thanks all. I want to squish them and feel like pulling out my former investigative reporter’s costume out (lovely cape,BTW) and going after them. Not sure what I can do in that regard, but I’m a-willin’.

 
 

Looch, I don’t have girl-parts (last I checked) but here’s what I’d say:

She was looking for work when she found that job. There are other jobs out there, nothing’s worth that kind of shit. That said, she needs to suck it up and keep her cool until something else comes along. As T&U said, document document document, in case it gets to that point…it could make the difference between getting unemployment or not.

 
 

4. Is he abusive to anyone else? If he is, she should encourage those people to do the same things I suggested.

This is where I was going with it (and all I have to offer), if this dickless little coward likes to do this to other women, organizing some sort of mutiny/resistance might be helpful. I only had this happen to me once, but I got rather used to it after being in the Army.

 
 

T&U, linkie just links to google search output. What you do after that is up to you.

 
 

tsam, I didn’t know u were a musician. Newsletter?

Just another dirtbag guitar player, sometimes singer, if I’m playing for some sort of benefit for deaf people.

I’m not doing anything at the moment. I love music but I fucking DESPISE musicians. I’m trying to work up the patience to try something again, but the thought of it is just nauseating. I still have some pics on my FB page.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Vacuumslayer, I saw your plaintive cry up above there a ways, and seeings as I’m an artist I know all about not being able to get shit to happen. 2 things: first, try doing something dirty, by which I mean lewd, by which I mean like this here kind of thing. Or if lewd isn’t your back, something funny, political, whatever — anything EXCEPT what you’re supposed to be doing. Usually the inappropriate work doesn’t come out all that well, but it’s freeing.

If that doesn’t work, choose a restriction, like “I can’t use the color red” or “the whole thing has to be done with 12 lines only” and that gets me around it. One must fool oneself.

If all that fails, have a quick wank.

 
 

Does anyone have any ideas for me? Any whimsical fantasies?

Your style of art would do wonders with chihuahuas eating David Schwimmer alive.

IMO, also.

I would suggest A-Rod as a centaur, but it’s been done already.

How about something with breasts?

 
 

T&U: I’d recommend following up on the zombie sitcom. Rule 34 says somebody else has thought of the SPP.

OMFG–I have to know where you found that Whale!

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

If lewd isn’t your BAG, that is. I blame WordPress, although really it’s SE Cupp’s fault.

 
 

OMFG–I have to learn how to close tags

 
 

4. Is he abusive to anyone else? If he is, she should encourage those people to do the same things I suggested.

It’s interesting. There was for a while a rotating scapegoat. But one person is already leaving, another is trying actively to do so and is awaiting word if she got the job, and a third is reconsidering her recent hiring there. The scapegoating seems to be focusing on her, now. The couple that owns the company pays crap for the most part, took away the GF’s sales accounts (which earned her a little commission money on the side), and show up at work at 11 AM every morning and talk about all the ways they are spending money. The job market is tough around these parts and we are scraping by at very low altitude as it is. All and all, a big pile of POOP.

 
 

I will watch the show, patronize the sponsors, and buy the action figures if the pilot has a 5-minute scene of Schwimmer being savaged to death by a chihuahua.

Interest, newsletter, etc.

And yeah, it’s not like JJ’s not already rebooting Alias with his new show Undercovers, or that any spy-fi show (or any other genre) isn’t just retreading the things that came before but at least the characters will have different names and there are (a few) new staff writers and they’re not just posing the dug-up corpse of Alias in front of a stop-motion camera. There’s a real (if small) shot that Undercovers won’t be a shot-for-shot reconstruction of Alias, and that’s all I ask for.

Also, apparently Why is Jake Gyllenhall Playing A Persian Character?! is remarkable only for its complete lack of novelty.

 
 

calibre, I figgered out how to link to specific comments a couple of days ago after some experimentation and now I’ve forgotten. If I think of how again, I’ll post the instructions.

 
 

How about something with breasts?

Boobies are now officially on the table.

 
 

Does anyone have any ideas for me? Any whimsical fantasies? Anything? Anything? I’m dyin’ here.

Something a little more racy?

Listen to some Buddy Wakefield or Sage Francis and see what kind of imagery that leaves you with.

FYPreposition. I don’t care.

 
 

Boobies are now officially on the table.

Swing low, sweet cha… never mind.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

There was for a while a rotating scapegoat.

Oh, so that way, nobody wants to stand up for anyone else, lest they wind up on the shit list? I hate that manipulative bullshit.

But it sounds like she has some prospects, so I hope something works out.

 
 

I’m not doing anything at the moment. I love music but I fucking DESPISE musicians. I’m trying to work up the patience to try something again, but the thought of it is just nauseating. I still have some pics on my FB page.

I’m deleting my FB page. I never keep up with it.
Interestingly, you’re not the first person I’ve heard complain about “band life.” It must be incredibly difficult to get something going when you’re dealing with so many different personalities/preferences/egos.

Me, I’ve got some serious pipes on me, but I almost never sing in front of anyone.

 
 

Boobies are now officially on the table.

I hear you can get bras to fix that.

But one of those look-at-it-this-way and it’s B^4’s head, look-at-it-that-way and it’s a giant boob would be awesome.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Does anyone have any ideas for me? Any whimsical fantasies? Anything? Anything? I’m dyin’ here.

Also, look up ‘new burlesque’ and such beauties as Shanghai Pearl. Talk about muses! The material paints itself.

 
 

Something a little more racy?

That’s something I’ve given some thought to. Sexiest thing I ever made was this. I gotta admit…I do love that piece, though it never got super-popular.

 
 

OK, here’s the deal. I’m going through some sort of artist’s block and it is kicking my fucking ass. I worked on something for hours today, then trashed it. I’m honestly feeling as if I’ve totally lost my mojo. Does anyone have any ideas for me? Any whimsical fantasies? Anything? Anything? I’m dyin’ here.

Some possible titles:

It is so hard to be Britany sometimes

The nature of the Faerie dance changed entirely when they found a bottle of tequila carelessly dropped nearby

Dragons also hate Republicans

Puck knew there would be hell to pay, but for now, leaving the tequila in the faerie circle was his best idea ever!

T&U’s next RNC costume

Where did she leave her pants?

Kincaid’s work became much more interesting when he discovered acid.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

T&U’s next RNC costume

I am far too tall and racktastic to dress up like a 12-year-old boy.

 
 

The nature of the Faerie dance changed entirely when they found a bottle of tequila carelessly dropped nearby

I actually really like this one. *big grin* Drunken fairies. Tee hee.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Also, modest. Too.

 
 

Interestingly, you’re not the first person I’ve heard complain about “band life.” It must be incredibly difficult to get something going when you’re dealing with so many different personalities/preferences/egos.

Me, I’ve got some serious pipes on me, but I almost never sing in front of anyone.

Musicians are exceptionally good at smashing all of the fun out of everything. Some of them are great. Most of them suck all kinds of shit. We’re all attention whores–that’s the real motivation for any performance art, but shit–I’ve seen some absolutely stunning drama whoreness.

If you’ll publicly fess up to having pipes, you need to be singing in front of people.

 
 

That’s something I’ve given some thought to. Sexiest thing I ever made was this. I gotta admit…I do love that piece, though it never got super-popular.

Oh I like that–follow that vein. It’s working. Well.

 
 

Musicians are exceptionally good at smashing all of the fun out of everything. Some of them are great. Most of them suck all kinds of shit. We’re all attention whores–that’s the real motivation for any performance art, but shit–I’ve seen some absolutely stunning drama whoreness.

Oh gosh. I think that can almost be said of anyone who makes anything who puts stuff out there for public consumption.

As for my pipes, it just seems like there aren’t that many occasions to bring the subject up. “The pot roast was great. Now, who wants hear me sing?!!!!”

 
 

I don’t sing particularly well, but I make up for it with volume!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I don’t sing particularly well, but I make up for it with volume!

Me, too. And sincerity!

 
 

tsam:

I have to know where you found that Whale!

You mean Let Me Google That For You?

The usual place: somebody much hipper than I showed it to me.

This puts me just slightly above you on the totem pole*. But you’re from Spokane, so thatt’s not really a surprise.

*VcarvedPR

 
 

As for my pipes, it just seems like there aren’t that many occasions to bring the subject up. “The pot roast was great. Now, who wants hear me sing?!!!!”

Go to karaoke and experiment with your voice. Bands go to karaoke to look for singers. Figure out what you’re good at–if you can really belt something awesome (like Alicia Keys), you’ll get a response from the crowd. That’s always fun.

 
 

I don’t sing particularly well, but I make up for it with volume!I DON’T THINK YOU’RE ALONE IN THAT REGARD!!!!!!! I DO THE SAME THING WITH UNFUNNY RESPONSES!!!!!!

 
 

The usual place: somebody much hipper than I showed it to me.

This puts me just slightly above you on the totem pole*. But you’re from Spokane, so thatt’s not really a surprise.

Spokane sucks. **mope**

 
 

And tag failues!

 
 

Alicia is pretty much my fave lady to sing along to. Besides maybe Nikka Costa and Nancy Wilson (did I get the right one)?

Also…huge tagfail in my last post.

 
 

Doh, of course I would typo there…

 
 

I don’t sing particularly well, but I make up for it with volume!

Me, too. And sincerity!

Confidence is 99% of it. Just drive it like ya stole it and it’s all good.

I’m not a very good singer either, but I do it all the time.

 
 

Thanks all. Back to our regularly scheduled programming. A few glasses of wine have helped. And the talk of REVENGE.

 
 

Doh, of course I would typo there…

Worst case scenario–trying to take a fool to school on FAIL, and you drop a sucky typo on it.

 
 

My parents communicated with me solely through character jumbles as substitutes for naughty words until I was nearly eight years old

Memo to self: Do not play Scrabble with T&U.

 
 

Thanks all. Back to our regularly scheduled programming. A few glasses of wine have helped. And the talk of REVENGE.

Now THAT is a topic on which I can speak with authority. If you need ideas for how to school this chump, do not hesistate to push my asshole button.

 
 

Well, I think we have no choice but to form a band. We’ll call ourselves The Snarkleponies, of course.

 
 

<iOK, here’s the deal. I’m going through some sort of artist’s block and it is kicking my fucking ass. I worked on something for hours today, then trashed it. I’m honestly feeling as if I’ve totally lost my mojo. Does anyone have any ideas for me? Any whimsical fantasies? Anything? Anything? I’m dyin’ here.

Junk shot with Newt Gingrich?

Zombie-driven combine harvester chasing John Boehner through the fields?

K-Lo at the Folsom St Fair?

I assume you want horror (on the depicted faces).

 
 

Also, we should have more non-alphabet characters in people’s names.

Alfred Bester was there in 1952.
Also, the Goddamn Batman misspelled ‘millennium’. HAH.

 
 

Tag, I’m it.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

do not hesistate to push my asshole button.

*sigh* Where’s Actor when I need him?

 
 

do not hesistate to push my asshole button.

Welllll, the funny thing is the company has a few issues with proper documentation of products and their manufacture.

Heh.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

So, I’m not an artist, but I play a writer in real life, and sometimes when I’m stuck (or just bored), I’ll make up my own storylines for existing characters that other people have created. Basically, fanfic, really. I find that helps, because at least I’m doing SOMETHING until the dam breaks, you know?

So, what I’m saying is that I think you should do some Buffy the Vampire Slayer-based art.

 
 

do not hesistate to push my asshole button.

I never hesitate.

 
 

Well, I think we have no choice but to form a band. We’ll call ourselves The Snarkleponies, of course.

DONE! Punkadelic! W00t!

 
 

Live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse!”

 
 

HAHA–I knew that “asshole button” comment would generate some snarktastically snarky snark!

Like white on rice!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

FYI: I can totally play the keyboard. And could probably learn the guitar.

 
 

Welllll, the funny thing is the company has a few issues with proper documentation of products and their manufacture.

Well, now, ain’t THAT a bitch? Please report back!

 
 

Isn’t there a show about a toilet? Its not on CBS I think. Its just a shot of a toilet for 30 minutes.

Everyone loves HYPNO-TOILET.

 
 

FYI: I can totally play the keyboard. And could probably learn the guitar.

If you can play the piano, you pretty much have it all learned. Just a matter of building the motor skills. Guitar is pretty easy to pick up the basics, but very difficult to get to higher levels. But just plain rhythm type stuff, you could pick that up easily. If I had a bonerific etching collection, I’d creepily invite you over for lessons.

 
 

Please report back!

Gosh, I wish there was some place that one could post such information anonymously.

Hmmm. What to do?

 
 

I can totally play the keyboard. And could probably learn the guitar.

We’re getting the band back together!

 
 

Sadlynauts would be a good name for a band, I think.

First full length album (the drug years) will be called sNarkleponies.

And the capitalization will be fucked up like that in order to convey our overinflated sense of artistic–nesss? I just ran out of words.

 
 

So, what I’m saying is that I think you should do some Buffy the Vampire Slayer-based art.

The only thing I know of Buffy is this: when I was living in Germany, working as a teacher’s assistant (in an elementary school) one of the students stopped me in the lunchroom and said “You look like Buffy!” This will surely date me, ‘cuz she was referring to the much-lesser-known-less-heralded MOVIE. Sooooooooooooo, no I don’t look anything like Sarah Michelle.

 
 

Sadlynauts would be a good name for a band

Even betta.

 
 

Gosh, I wish there was some place that one could post such information anonymously.

Hmmm. What to do?

Oh YES! I love to see a loudmouthed, blowhard asshole go down in flames. It makes me tickly in my pee pee spot.

 
 

I’m learning guitar now. Slowly, painfully. Loudly 🙂

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

If you can play the piano, you pretty much have it all learned.

Well, saying that I “can play the piano” is a bit of a stretch, as I’m very, very rusty. But! Mr. T&U has been kind enough to work on the Roland I had as a teenager so I can start playing it again.

If I had a bonerific etching collection, I’d creepily invite you over for lessons.

Aw, that’s so kind of you!

 
 

Oh shit–I left that one wide open didn’t I?

Jesus, there’s another one!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

one of the students stopped me in the lunchroom and said “You look like Buffy!” This will surely date me, ‘cuz she was referring to the much-lesser-known-less-heralded MOVIE.

Oh, man, Luke Perry is so DREAMY in that!

You should check out the show sometime. I think you might like it.

 
 

I’m learning guitar now. Slowly, painfully. Loudly 🙂

Getting lessons? It is painful and frustrating at first. Especially when you watch a skilled player shred it. But if you stick with it, it’s almost like you wake up one morning and jump 30 pages ahead in the lesson book. Learn a few songs you like too. That helps with the “oh my god, I’ll never get this” despair.

 
 

I’m learning guitar now. Slowly, painfully. Loudly 🙂

Ah. That’s how I learned to have sex.

 
 

Ah. That’s how I learned to have sex.

Haha! Winner!

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

I am far too tall and racktastic to dress up like a 12-year-old boy.

Erm, interest, is there a portfolio of French postcards, newsletter &c…

I have to say, one great thing about the arts is you see a good looking dame, you can ask her to take her clothes off. But then you have to actually make the picture.

 
 

I have to say, one great thing about the arts is you see a good looking dame, you can ask her to take her clothes off. But then you have to actually make the picture.

But you can take your sweet sweet time doing it.

 
 

That’s how I learned to have sex.

Are you saying it gets better then?
(looks hopeful)

 
 

I just ran out of words.

OK, you’re out as lyricist.

I can play bass. Also badly. Loudly too. Sadly, I get the impression that there are much more talented bassists in the community.

Hey, I can play the tambourine…

Roadie?

Please, guys, can I hang out too?

 
 

But then you have to actually make the picture.

That’s the beauty of photagraphy… just click the button.

 
 

OK, you’re out as lyricist.

I can play bass. Also badly. Loudly too. Sadly, I get the impression that there are much more talented bassists in the community.

Hey, I can play the tambourine…

Roadie?

Please, guys, can I hang out too?

The job application has exactly one question. Do you have drugs?

 
 

“photagraphy”

Geesh I’m tired. And I’m supposed to go to a blues show tonight…

 
 

Geesh I’m tired. And I’m supposed to go to a blues show tonight…

There’s only one question. Do you have drugs?

 
 

“Mysticdog said,
May 28, 2010 at 23:51

That’s how I learned to have sex.

Are you saying it gets better then?
(looks hopeful)”

if yur doin it rite

 
 

@ whale chowder:

Being from Seattle gives you much street cred here in Spoklahoma. You’re in. But you’d best have some drugs.

 
 

if yur doin it rite

Could you describe rite? In detail?

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Snarklepoinies

“Asshole Buttons” is a better band name.

 
 

Only if u show me your etchings, tsam.

Pup, if we ever go Punk we will totes use that name.

 
 

if yur doin it rite

It just so complicated. And if I had any idea knots were going to be so critical, I would have paid a lot more attention in the boyscouts.

 
 

Getting lessons? It is painful and frustrating at first.

So wait…are you talking about guitar or sex?

‘Cause I was not aware that you could get lessons. I’m more-or-less self taught.

 
 

So wait…are you talking about guitar or sex?

‘Cause I was not aware that you could get lessons. I’m more-or-less self taught.

Guitar. I think. Think I’ll be having those drugs now.

 
 

Only if u show me your etchings, tsam.

Um, no etchings. Have to settle for fingering, hammering, bends and arpeggios, but all adagio.

 
 

BTW, the Texts from Last Night site is a hoot:

I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words “Blame Bono” spray painted on it

(yes, yet another Internet Tradition I was not aware of until today)

 
 

Have to settle for fingering, hammering, bends and arpeggios, but all adagio.

I love it when you talk dirty.

 
 

Me too!

And WC must be our bassist. That is a deal-breaker.

 
 

I didn’t say whether i have drugs yet.

30 years ago, you wouldn’t have had to ask.

 
 

Marge Piercy nailed those people who think they are upright because they don’t approve of swear words

They had limbs instead of legs.
Privates encompassed everything
from bow to stern. They did
number one and number two
and eventually, perhaps, it.

It has always amazed me there are
words too potent to say to those
whose ears are tender as baby
lettuces – often those who label
us into narrow jars with salt and

vinegar, saying, People like them,
meaning me and mine. Never say
the k or n word, just quietly shut
and bolt the door. Just politely
insert your foot in the Other’s face.

 
 

There, there. *soothing tones* I will always have vodka. *stroke, pet* I will always have vodka.

 
 

However, VS, I can play “Stickshifts and Safety Belts” so I at least have taste, if not talent.

 
 

WC, taste counts for a lot with me.

 
 

*must have Actor forward his etchings*

 
 

SUCK IT, tsam! Suck on my broken thread dust! There can

ONLY
BE
ONE.

 
 

Have to settle for fingering, hammering, bends and arpeggios, but all adagio.

You missed the most important one: “pull off”

 
 

SUCK IT, tsam! Suck on my broken thread dust! There can

ONLY
BE
ONE.

You SUCK IT. I was here–just had to “work” for a minute! HAHAHAHAHA!

 
 

You missed the most important one: “pull off”

That one’s reserved for practice at home!

 
 

You SUCK IT. I was here–just had to “work” for a minute! HAHAHAHAHA!

Work? What is this…”work” you speak of?

Oh, and what is this…”suck” you speak of?

 
 

Whale Chowder said,
May 29, 2010 at 0:44

*must have Actor forward his etchings*

Oooohh, yeaaaahhh, you’re definitely gonna wanna stay away from those…yikes.

 
 

Work? What is this…”work” you speak of?

Oh, and what is this…”suck” you speak of?

Oh don’t act like you don’t know. You ARE the vacuumslayer, are you not–that essentially touches on both of those concepts, no?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Have to say, one great thing about the arts is you see a good looking dame, you can ask her to take her clothes off.

When I first met my friend’s girlfriend (now his fiance and my friend), she said, “You’re so beautiful! I just want to sculpt you.” Little did I know that was just the beginning of years of her shamelessly hitting on me (and the husband), much to her straight-laced boyfriend’s chagrin.

 
Asshole Buttons
 

WC, taste counts for a lot with me.

So… the asparugus isn’t a good idea then.

 
 

Oh don’t act like you don’t know. You ARE the vacuumslayer, are you not–that essentially touches on both of those concepts, no?

Bart Simpson once said “This both sucks and blows.” I’d be lying if I said I am not capable of the same.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I have a feeling this won’t be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words “Blame Bono” spray painted on it

Wouldn’t “Blame Boner” be more appropriate?

 
 

So… the asparugus isn’t a good idea then.

Asparagus is fine. It just makes your pee smell funny.

 
 

When I first met my friend’s girlfriend (now his fiance and my friend), she said, “You’re so beautiful! I just want to sculpt you.” Little did I know that was just the beginning of years of her shamelessly hitting on me (and the husband), much to her straight-laced boyfriend’s chagrin.

When you’re hot, you’re hot! Surprising the boyfriend wasn’t all over it. The hitting on you part anyway.

 
Asshole Buttons
 

Splliign not my srtong siut

 
 

Bart Simpson once said “This both sucks and blows.” I’d be lying if I said I am not capable of the same.

Wise he is, that Bart.

 
 

Asshole Buttons said,
May 29, 2010 at 0:54

Splliign not my srtong siut

i here you. i cant nether.

 
 

I’d be lying if I said I am not capable of the same.

Looks AWESOME on a resume!

 
 

Asparagus is seldom a good idea, in any quantity.

Garlic fries at the ballpark: now that’s a bad idea if you’re planning on an intimate evening later.

 
 

Garlic fries at the ballpark: now that’s a bad idea if you’re planning on an intimate evening later.

Or for the following week. Those things are so good, and so destructive to relationships.

 
 

Looks AWESOME on a resume!

What about: “Totally great at riding a unicycle and juggling nunchucks. Sometimes at the same time. Also, I like taking grainy, out-of-focus, black and white pictures of manhole covers. I’m pretty sure this makes me a great artist. My interpretive dances where I act out my own poems are not to be missed. I put the “b” in “teamwork.””

 
 

“You’re so beautiful! I just want to sculpt you.”

“You’re so beautiful I just want to write C++ code about you.”
Worked for me.

 
 

Totally great at riding a unicycle and juggling nunchucks

VteabagR

 
 

Worked for me.

Well I suppose it’s cheaper than roofies.

 
 

Well I suppose it’s cheaper than roofies.

Also less illegal too.

 
 

Also less illegal too.
I’ll have you know that I met the Frau Doktorin when I volunteered as a guinea pig for a drug trial she was conducting.
Romantic story is romantic.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

This will surely date me, ‘cuz she was referring to the much-lesser-known-less-heralded MOVIE.

I dunno, Kristy Swanson is still pretty hot.

 
 

Yeah she is. But in all honesty I don’t we look that much alike. Kids are dumb.

 
 

Asparagus is seldom a good idea, in any quantity.

Garlic fries at the ballpark: now that’s a bad idea if you’re planning on an intimate evening later.

 
 

Given that it’s CBS the show should be called “Shit My Son Hears Me Say”.

 
 

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