Jawa Dropping
Comrade Vinnieovich, The Jawa Report:
Jawa Exclusive: Capture Of Mullah Omar Confirmed *sticky*
Yeah, no doubt. Keep your door closed, eh?
An overseas intelligence source has confirmed to the Jawa Report that Mullah Omar has been captured as originally reported by Brad Thor.
If this doesn’t pan out, our post title will probably be ‘Thor Loser.’ I’m just saying.
You can wait for the New York Times to catch up if you’d like, we don’t mind.
If someone handed these guys a scoop, they’re going to bray and howl that they bested the Times, neglecting to mention that the Times, whatever its faults, actually checks out sources and reports stories from the ground up, rather than being handed a scoop and uncritically yelling “whoopee” every couple of years or so.
Can we go through that again, or should we just walk around in diving suits for the next few days, in pantomime slow motion as though undersea?
Cf. Brad Thor.
WorldNetDaily considers Thor to be some sort of cross between Salman Rushdie and Dan Brown. I blogged him here.
Gav – c’mon, checking sources is for wimps. Teh Jawa Report just calls it from the gut, like here where they learned the Times Square Dud was being tracked on Twitter. From reporting by Andy Borowitz.
Hey I heard some ayatollah dude in Iran just died too.
UPDATE: Uh, is close to death’s door, I mean.
UP-UPDATE: That is, really, could go at any minute … See, I know these people, & …
UPDATEx3: The fact that Omar hasn’t in fact been captured as reported by [mumble mumble] proves that Obama is a Islamoterrorist.
I’ll be over here holding my breath until The NYT catches up.
Is this what Breitbart meant when he said he’d “destroy the institutional left?”
‘Cause it looks more like he’s destroying his own Big Institution. Soon enough he’ll be in an institution, if any of his friends like him enough to perform an intervention.
The WSJ weighs in, pictorially, on Kagan’s sexual orientation: http://gawker.com/5536722/wall-street-journal-claims-ignorance-on-kagan+lesbian+softball-connection
Wouldn’t that be “Thor loother?”
That’d be ‘Thor looser’*
Everything proves that Obama is an Islamoterrorist. Except the fact that islamoterrorism doesn’t exist, and if it did, Obama would not be a member of such and such by and so per se. BUT IF IT DID /scary ellipses…
And according to editor, those of us who draw conclusions are just paranoid silly-willies.
Why do I watch “Morning Joe”? Mika Bzweruewtepz489474f]x]zi makes me want to stick a screwdriver into my brain.
paranoid silly-willies
Veiled novelty PENIS reference.
I would never veil a reference to novelty penises. I’d say it loud and proud.
It’s a novelty! Start the frivolity!
re: Kagan softball
I think Ben Smith at hte Politico has been hanging around hte bloggers 2 much.
Jawa Report. That reminds me, next time I send the troopers out to bring back a couple droids, I’m giving them photos. Sure that Alec Guiness fellow was very persuasive but I mean really – it’s not like it was a shoddy description:
“R2 astromech unit with blue trim. Wi-Fi, Bluetooth and hoverjets disabled. Protocol droid in gold trim with defective back servo that causes it to spastically lean backwards for no apparent reason.”
Protocol droid in gold trim with defective back servo that causes it to spastically lean backwards for no apparent reason.”
I thought it kept leaning back because it was presenting, hoping Chewbacca would mount it.
I thought it kept leaning back because it was presenting, hoping Chewbacca would mount it.
Speaking of which…
PENIS.
I’m sure the photo isn’t suspicious at all.
I’m also sure that Wall Street Journal spokeswoman Ashley Huston and Deputy Managing Editor Alan Murray are raging baby-fuckers.
Are them Jawas sure they got the right Mullah Omar this time? Maybe it was just Mullah Omar’s number three guy.
I dunno though, this article probably means there’s a conspiracy to keep it out of the news.
I thought it kept leaning back because it was presenting, hoping Chewbacca would mount it.
Rule 34 alert!
God, it must take so much *energy* to be that racist. And to have such an ugly fucking website. Also, too.
What’s with the secrecy? If Mullah Omar was actually captured, why are they not naming sources for the confirmation?
Why are they not, in other words, reporting news?
I have unconfirmed reports that teh United States of America is now a 100%, fully-unfunctional Socialist State. This comes in the wake of a large boat with bikini-clad wimmins skiing behind it. While the Esteemed Esteev Daily tries not-so hard to confirm unconfirmed reports, we will be on top* of this story throughout the afternoon nap.
*VdreidelR
Rule 34 alert!
Somewhere in Edinburgh, Charlie Stross is smiling.
Well, *I* heard from an anonymous moose that Trig Palin really isn’t retarded, he’s just not very intelligent.
Charlie Stross
Who’s he? The guy who wrote “The Dangerous Book for Geeks”?
Well, *I* heard from an anonymous moose that Trig Palin really isn’t retarded, he’s just not very intelligent
From my imagined source, Trig is actually a baby genius and solved the worlds energy crisis by perfecting cold fusion. In effort to suppress this amazing discovery, Big Oil has paid the Palins to paint him as retarded (totes satire). Also, he’s black and they have painted him white.
BREAKING!
Mullah Omar’s number two¹ HAS BEEN CAPTURED!
¹Veiled scatological reference
I’m retreating back into my imaginary world where a website like the Jawa Report doesn’t exist. I can’t take that today.
No, in my imaginary world, the jawas report on droids they have for sale. I would like on gay butler stereotype robot, please.
Did anyone check the kerning on that photo that Jawa posted?
“Trig is actually a baby genius…Also, he’s black and they have painted him white.”
Sarah’s been fucking Neil DeGrasse Tyson????
From my imagined source, Trig is actually a baby genius and solved the worlds energy crisis by perfecting cold fusion.
I’ve confirmed that with my sources in the Bilderberg Family!
You can wait for the New York Times to catch up if you’d like, we don’t mind.
Good, because yeah, I wouldn’t trust you and your “oh some really totally trustworthy foreign spy dude told us it was true so CONFIRMED!” on a stack of Bibles.
Sarah’s been fucking Neil DeGrasse Tyson????
Yes, according to a Palin family spokesman
Yes, according to a Palin family spokesman
Stop it. I don’t like those. They’re creepy.
You can wait for the New York Times to catch up if you’d like, we don’t mind.
Because clearly Omar would be released in the interval between such an eye-popping headline on a shitty unreliable blog and the, ohhhhhhhhhhhh, instant it would take to confirm it.
They’re creepy
And yet you can’t stop clicking…
I was making the point that Jawa’s photo of Omar could be any random photograph picked up on the web.
And yet you can’t stop clicking…
I’m dumb and keep forgetting.
I was making the point that Jawa’s photo of Omar could be any random photograph picked up on the web.
In fact, it is! Even HuffPo has used it.
Charlie Stross
Who’s he? The guy who wrote “The Dangerous Book for Geeks”?
Scroll down for Rule 34: http://www.antipope.org/charlie/fiction/faq.html
In fact, it is! Even HuffPo has used it.
Ha! You didn’t get me this time!
really totally trustworthy foreign spy dude
It was Emmett Fitz-Hume, wasn’t it? Oh no. I’ve Plame’d him!
I’m dumb and keep forgetting.
Say, have I shown you my etchings?
Not to worry! A search of teh Grey Lady (not a veiled frisking your mom reference) indicates that they have already dispatched their most feared weapon to cover Mullah Omar. Ladies and Gents, I give to you Maureen Dowd.
Very soon, al Qaeda will no longer be an existential threat because MoDo will point out that their leaders wear dresses and are very girly!
No one is confirming anything at all, but I am told there are some pretty unenthusiastic denials making their way through the special forces world.
Sure, they’re denying it but they’re denying it UNENTHUSIASTICALLY which means it MUST BE TRUE!
If it is true, more power to them but this should not meet ANYONE’S standards for evidence.
I give to you Maureen Dowd.
What an awful lead. Or it could be the only legitimate thing MoDo has ever written.
Discuss.
Ladies and Gents, I give to you Maureen Dowd.
We’re fucked.
Say, have I shown you my etchings?
Are they of creepy The Hills Have Eyes hillbilly people? If so, DO NOT WANT.
Ladies and Gents, I give to you Maureen Dowd.
Why is she so fucking TWEE? UGH. It makes my head hurt.
I am told there are some pretty unenthusiastic denials making their way through the special forces world.
Most sane people would take this to mean, “damn, just missed him.”
Anyway, I wonder why Jawa is all shivery about this story? Because they’re “breaking” it….breaking news needs to be fixed, silly little boy…or because Barack Obama has brought one of the masterminds of 9/11 to justice?
What an awful lead. Or it could be the only legitimate thing MoDo has ever written.
Both?
In fact, it is! Even HuffPo has used it.
In Cenk Uygur post which makes an very interesting proposal. Unfortunately it also contains this line:
Jessica Simpson’s charms aside, I’d like to point out that if I could blow myself up, I wouldn’t need to sleep with Jessica Simpson. Uhh – totes heterosexually of course.
Are they of creepy The Hills Have Eyes hillbilly people? If so, DO NOT WANT.
Say, have I shown you my *other* etchings?
No one who thinks they might one day sleep with Jessica Simpson blows themselves up.
I’m not crazy about Cenk’s mangoes, but is he suggesting that a way to win the war on terror is to release the crack sin?
I can picture it now: paratroop Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Tara Reid, Britney Spears and any of the Jersey Shore girls behind enemy lines to blow their troops?
Up, I mean?
troops
They aren’t troops, actor. They are “enemy combatants” or “brown people”. Please, we don’t ask for it often but a bit of accuracy would be appreciated.
Speaking of Jawa Droppings:
That’s some pretty extreme optimism you got there Gav. I expect that they’d probably use it to fling teh POOP with greater force.
Fuck this war, it’s so fucking depressing. I can’t think about it any more.
Hey, can anyone help me? I’m looking for some Star Trek: 2009 fanfic from last fall which I never finished. The setup is that Spock and Stonn are friends with benefits except that Spock is trying to find a way to dump Stonn because he has this nagging feeling that Stonn doesn’t really respect him. However, he’s gone into pon farr and much as he likes Uhura, he doesn’t want to end up accidentally married to her, so he’s hoping he can get Stonn to help him with his little problem before he blocks his calls for good. In the mean time, Uhura has no idea what he’s going through and keeps breaking their dates for stupid shit like “lunch” and “studying,” and, lastly and to his annoyance, he keeps running into that stupid cadet Kirk who wants to retake the Kobayashi Maru test.
For some reason, it’s killing me not to know how this story ended. (Actually, I’m pretty sure it ends with Spock choking Kirk on the bridge of the Enterprise, but it’s about the journey, not the destination, yadda yadda.)
PS: LAND WAR IN ASIA. The American people ARE the weakest link. It’s official.
Please, we don’t ask for it often but a bit of accuracy would be appreciated.
I wasn’t talking about the little soldiers that actually hold guns.
It’s like the Onion, only less funny. (See also, and also.)
Say, have I shown you my *other* etchings?
Maybe when I was drunk? What are they of?
I’m looking for some Star Trek: 2009 fanfic from last fall which I never finished.
What do you think we are, here, a bunch of nerds?!
They aren’t troops, actor. They are “enemy combatants” or “brown people”. Please, we don’t ask for it often but a bit of accuracy would be appreciated.
According to the movies, which are my first source for everything, “brown people” is an internet euphemism for sand c**ns. So, you know, accuracy.
…but is he suggesting that a way to win the war on terror is to release the crack sin?
Yes.
IOW, one of these.
“Wherever we go people say that my grandfather was their favorite president” -Nixon’s grandson now running for the Senate in eastern Long Island.
If it weren’t for the explosion of heroin usage, I’d leave Long Island.
What do you think we are, here, a bunch of nerds?!
I was hoping you’d take the bait and change the topic.
I went to Cape Canaveral this spring. It was fun. Gotta try the “shuttle launch” ride. Before they break it down because they don’t do shuttle launches anymore.
DKW:??
I saw a lot of katakana..??
No one who thinks they might one day sleep with Jessica Simpson blows themselves up.
She’s nails, but I dunno…I mean, she slept with John Mayer and is dating Billy Corgan. *shudder*
“Wherever we go people say that my grandfather was their favorite president” -Nixon’s grandson now running for the Senate in eastern Long Island.
So, is that “Long Island nice”, or are they all unrepentant trogs?
I wasn’t talking about the little soldiers that actually hold guns.
Ohhh, you meant these.
I was hoping you’d take the bait and change the topic.
I hope you don’t mean me, personally, because I’m going to have to disappoint you by telling you that I have never, in my life, read fanfic of any kind. Can I still keep my nerd credentials?
Maureen Dowd is one of those people of whom it can be fairly said that their entire life’s work was an elaborate scheme to secure for themselves a supply of oral sex.
So, is that “Long Island nice”, or are they all unrepentant trogs?
If by “trogs” you mean unrepentant rich kids with too much time on their hands that they decide to “dabble in politics” until they run over a family of four during a month-long drinking and pill bindge, then yes.
T&U: who cares if you’ve read it, I need to find someone with some good Google Fu, because I keep searching and coming up with MPreg fics … which is … which is … well, just kind of weird.
But if they say Nixon was their favorite prezzie, wouldn’t that imply they remembered him?
Oh, that’s right, rich people’s salad days last until 45 at least.
I need to find someone with some good Google Fu, because I keep searching and coming up with MPreg fics
Aha. If I were at home, I would take a stab* at it, but I’d rather not risk it at work. Sorry.
*Veiled some sort of penetration reference.
“Trig is actually a baby genius…Also, he’s black and they have painted him white.”
Sarah’s been fucking Neil DeGrasse Tyson????
Thanks a LOT for that image! :::brrrrrrr:::
(actually, she hired an evil minion to steal his sperm. totes makes sense. science labs, evil minions, anything can happen.)
rich people’s salad days last until 45 at least.
Actually, it could be longer dependent on their investment portfolio and/or trust fund.
I thought it kept leaning back because it was presenting, hoping Chewbacca would mount it.
Is that what Kirk is doing in the “towel” scene in “The Enemy Within”?
Aha. If I were at home, I would take a stab* at it, but I’d rather not risk it at work. Sorry.
You people and your normal work schedules…
I saw a lot of katakana..??
ooops, sorry. That’s an Influence Victory from Galactic Civilizations 2: Dread Lords. I kinda forgot that since the game was designed for spreadsheet nerds, it may not be widely known.
“Sarah’s been fucking Neil DeGrasse Tyson????”
The day Sister Sarah “goes Black” is the day the paychecks from the fundies stop. Nah gah hapn.
Maybe when I was drunk? What are they of?
Not hillbillies, no sirreee!
So, is that “Long Island nice”, or are they all unrepentant trogs?
Eastern Long Island is suffering a Republican infestation. Apart from the Hamptons, of course and even there…
Eastern Long Island is suffering a Republican infestation.
That’s lasted 150 years.
Eastern Long Island is suffering a Republican infestation.
That’s lasted 150 years.
Yes. Like herpes or bedbugs, it’s impossible to get rid of.
Yessss, Dobbs is back and he’s
birtherbetterworse than evar!Eastern Long Island is suffering a Republican infestation.
That’s lasted 150 years.
And look at that shining example of government up in Albany we have to thanks for it. What a joke.
Speaking of which…
PENIS.
Wow. Um. That card is awesome. I used to buy Topps cards and all I got was some chipped enamel from that damned “gum” in the pack. (Considering what I’d paid for it, I was going to chew that stuff, dammit!)
Eastern Long Island is suffering a Republican infestation.
That’s lasted 150 years.
Well, at least in this case you can’t say they’re voting against their interests.
Not hillbillies, no sirreee!
How come I don’t believe you?
Yessss, Dobbs is back and he’s worse than evar!
Dammit! I had actually totally forgotten about that motherfucker.
Well, at least in this case you can’t say they’re voting against their interests.
That’s true. But what about MY interests??
*fit being thrown*
That’s an Influence Victory from Galactic Civilizations 2: Dread Lords. I kinda forgot that since the game was designed for spreadsheet nerds, it may not be widely known.
Ah, erm, so, ah, something like one-player Risk? (I bowed out of that game in junior high because I just knew I was going to blow my battalions in Eurasia and end up fleeing to the British Isles.)
Erm, I know about Portal. Portal jokes are peachy keen.
Yessss, Dobbs is back and he’s worse than evar!
Dammit! I had actually totally forgotten about that motherfucker.
FUCK! Why don’t these motherfuckers have the decency to STAY DEAD!
That’s true. But what about MY interests??
*fit being thrown*
Sheeeeeeeeeyit. Forgive me, but I don’t feel that sorry for you.
Oh, wait, I read that as DODD.
Carry on.
Honestly, I don’t know what the immigration hubbub is all about.
It’s this easy.
I want to fight Rudy Guiliani.
Sheeeeeeeeeyit. Forgive me, but I don’t feel that sorry for you.
You callous bitc… OK, what about “our” interests?
Speaking of C3PO and Rule 34: http://gizmodo.com/5537022/c+3po-backpack-makes-for-worlds-most-obnoxious-ipad-case
Speaking of C3PO and Rule 34
Hmmmmmmmmm, I do need a bag for my Pad…
How come I don’t believe you?
I was thinking we could do anal shots while we browsed.
I mean, tequila shots.
You callous bitc… OK, what about “our” interests?
All I’m saying is that it could be a lot worse, duder.
I was thinking we could do anal shots while we browsed.
I mean, tequila shots.
I find the two to be closely related…
All I’m saying is that it could be a lot worse, duder
Yes, that’s true. I could be in the Midwest!
Zing!No, that would actually be worse, sorry.I find the two to be closely related…
Must be the salt.
Yes, that’s true. I could be in the Midwest!
Or upstate.
C’mon, you guys, nobody came up with
Thor Athole
?
Yes, that’s true. I could be in the Midwest! Zing! No, that would actually be worse, sorry.
That’s my point! I mean, this guy could be your Lt. Governor, and you could be/have been represented by this fucking douchetarded wingnut who may be elected to governor!
I find the two to be closely related…
Must be the salt.
That’s really gross.
Gnarley links today, Sadlies. There should be some kind of disclaimer:
“Viewer discretion strongly discouraged.”
Or upstate.
I said Midwest already.
Thor Athole
Thor Enside? That’s a stretch, my utmost apologies.
That’s really gross.
Nothing takes the edge off
buttsweattequila like a dash of salt.There should be some kind of disclaimer:
What? And suffer the pain we went through to find them by ourselves????
Thor Looser?
There’s no other confirmation of the Blightfart speculationizing.
Nothing takes the edge off buttsweat…
I thought that was cocaine. Or is that only hooker buttsweat?
and
Thorry Charlie.
Also from The Onion:
Wow, this is *yawn* interesting…
Wow, this is *YAWN* interesting…
Thorry Charlie.
Damn you exford legs!
Wow, this is *YAWN* interesting…
See? Totes not teh gehy.
*Rod + catcher = too easy**
**that’s what DKW’s mom said
Thor scored and seven circular links ago
Blightblart brought forth upon this internet
A new story, conceived in hte basement
That all unsourced accusations are created equal so long as they make Blacky Usurper look bad.
Rod* Barajas
In English, this is Rod Cards
See? Totes not teh gehy.
Oh really? Why do you lieberals hate America so?
What about her WIDE STANCE!?!?!?!?!?!
See? Totes not teh gehy.
I know, look at that choke. Bet she swings like a girl.
If her hands were any further up the bat, she’d be holding it backwards. Elena Kagan is therefore unamerican.
Bet she swings
likefor a girl.Fixed!
What about her WIDE STANCE!?!?!?!?!?!
It’s not in a stall, it’s in a box.. uh oh maybe we spoke too soon.
I know, look at that choke. Bet she swings like a girl.
I think she’s short? I thought short people were supposed to choke up?!
I thought short people were supposed to choke up?!
That’s what I told her just before she gagged on me.
Elena Kagan is therefore unamerican.
Don’t forget commusocialislamofascist sympathizer.
I thought short people were supposed to choke up?!
Only the Punch and Judy hitters, the lightweights who slap the ball around the field and then rely on their speed and baserunning cunning¹ to advance ahead of the big swatters.
¹ I know what you were thinking.
That’s what I told her just before she gagged on me.
Again, gross. But, as a general blowjob principle, probably true.
Ah crap, I just realized I outed myself as not-a-lesbian. It’s softball! Of course she’s holding the bat halfway up.
It’s softball! Of course she’s holding the bat halfway up.
That’s what I thought! Of course, my only experience with softball is in my church league in the third grade, in which–I know you’ll be surprised to hear this–I sucked.
the big swatters
I know what those are for.
I was making the point that Jawa’s photo of Omar could be any random photograph picked up on the web.
In fact, it is! Even HuffPo has used it.
PROOF that Abraham Lincoln is ALIVE, he’s just gone camping!
I mean, tequila shots.
I find the two to be closely related…
…
Must be the salt.
Salt-rimming is just WRONG.
I know what those are for.
*Another* hillbilly?
Salt-rimming is just WRONG.
Don’t judge me, K?
Don’t judge me, K?
That’s a job for LesboJudge!
That’s a job for LesboJudge!
“Your honor, the word “apology” is tossed around a lot these days…”
It’s been so long since I played that I can’t even remember how I held the bat. But yeah, generally in softball you do choke up on the bat a bit because the ball is heavy – if you hold the bat all the way at the end you can get some wobble in the bat on contact which totally fucks up your hit. I was generally a good hitter – consistently to right outfield, which in girls’ slow-pitch is about the best place to put it, beause they always put the worst players in right field. I put my hitting prowess down to having a slow bat – I never could get around with the swing soon enough to put the ball in center or left field.
“oh some really totally trustworthy foreign spy dude told us it was true so CONFIRMED!” on a stack of Bibles.
I refuse to divulge “Agent 86’s” real name. That would violate my journalistic integrity.
beause they always put the worst players in right field.
I know. *sob*
Wow, this is *YAWN* interesting…
Damn, T&U, that was the most interesting commentary about Kagan all week.
So… MLB players (a true “boy’s only” club, btw) can take a woman with a bat seriously, whereas the right-wing intelligentsia sees Kagan and thinks “VAGINA”.
BUT IF IT DID /scary ellipses…
It would be wrong not to speculate…
they always put the worst players in right field
Hey!
.
.
.
.
HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Thor scored and seven circular links ago
Blightblart brought forth upon this internet
A new story, conceived in hte basement
That all unsourced accusations are created equal so long as they make Blacky Usurper look bad.
Keep rocking that triple meter, DKW. I know it’s parody, but you make it look easy.
PS: your mom.
Oops.
Sorry guys.
Sorry guys.
It’s cool. I’m completely comfortable with my absolute lack of athletic ability.
Unlike some people…
whereas the right-wing intelligentsia sees Kagan and thinks “VAGINA”. that I’ll never see
Fixed to demonstrate the proper level of depravity.
That’s what I thought! Of course, my only experience with softball is in my church league in the third grade, in which–I know you’ll be surprised to hear this–I sucked.
take it from someone who took a softball in the face thanks to someone’s #*(@#@!!, thrice-damned, stupid little sister:
softballs? not so soft.
softballs? not so soft.
I found that out the hard way¹ when I was playing co-ed softball and whipped a relay on a double play right into my girlfriend’s boob.
.
.
.
¹ Actually, it never got hard again with her.
Unlike some people…
Some of us are a little slower, mmmmmK?
before someone says, a la Chekov, a softball? I will just step out of the way, yes, ordinarily this would be the case but for the afore-mentioned thrice-damned, stupid, should-not-have-been-on-the-field impudent tag-along, who thrust her glove up right in front of me, nicking the ball and sending it straight into my face.
softballs? not so soft.
Speaking as someone who has caught a ball in the face from every sport I have ever played*(except bowling) you could do a lot worse than getting hit by a soft ball.
*Baseball, softball, soccer, basketball, dodgeball, etc.
** though I have curled I have never been hit in the face with a curling stone, but then, It’s not really a ball either
I found that out the hard way¹ when I was playing co-ed softball and whipped a relay on a double play right into my girlfriend’s boob.
uh… Swedish heart massage?
FWIW, I sometimes played thirds, sometimes played behind the base*, which in girls’ slow-pitch is where they put the second-worst fielder. I was really good at crowding the batter and cramping their style. I only got hit by the swing a couple of times.
*Note pre-meditated failure to provide you with hours of puerile “catcher” jokes and puns.
Once I accidentally caught a pop fly in gym class. It was the best day of my life…
Okay, not really. But it was kind of awesome to see the look on my asshole classmate’s face.
right-wing intelligentsia
Who?
Got hit in face with soccer balls and basketballs too, they stung (sometimes you hit the soccer ball on purpose, anyway) but they never shook my teeth loose. I think it’s something to do with impulse.
tsam–
excuse me: so-called, etc, also.
Speaking as someone who has caught a ball in the face from every sport I have ever played*
Um, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…
you could do a lot worse than getting hit by a soft ball.
I was the practice
dummygoalie for my ice hockey team. Balls? BAH! Try a puck.Swedish heart massage?
I let my competitive nature get in the way of a pretty decent blow job. I’m not proud.
Yeah, I’d say that getting hit by the baseball was the worst, but I imagine it would only be a shadow of what getting beaned by a hockey puck would feel like.
because they always put the worst players in right field.
I know. *sob*
ah, third grade, sitting out in right field in the grass picking dandelions, getting yelled at by parents on the sidelines when I ignored a grounder bounding past…
Got hit in face with soccer balls and basketballs too
I caught a baseball in the face playing first base. A liner hit me square in the kisser knocking out 2 teeth. I also needed 30 stitches to close my lip. I was a lot tougher when I was 15.
The only more painful sport than hockey was catching the caber.
Yeah, I’d say that getting hit by the baseball was the worst, but I imagine it would only be a shadow of what getting beaned by a hockey puck would feel like.
Dental surgeon’s paradise.
What about her WIDE STANCE!?!?!?!?!?!
Looking at it some more, that stance ain’t that wide. Sure everyone hears about “shoulder-width apart” but even as, ahem, stout as Kagan is – girls aren’t shaped like guys. Her shoulders are narrower and her hips wider. That foot position is going to help her lower half come around faster.
She’s leaning into the plate an awful lot though. And not wearing a helmet. Maybe it’s slow pitch.
Speaking as someone who has caught a ball in the face from every sport I have ever played*
Strangely enough for this website, I was talking about gym class, not anything sexual. I am just not terrifically coordinated.
I caught a baseball in the face playing first base. A liner hit me square in the kisser knocking out 2 teeth. I also needed 30 stitches to close my lip. I was a lot tougher when I was 15.
Oy, fair enough.
I cut the tip of my finger off when I was 13 and it grew back with no scar. Face it, we all had amazing regenerative properties back then.
Speaking of balls to the face, does anyone know anything about Visio*? I have been trying to print the same fucking “org chart” for the last hour and it is NOT WORKING.
*Do people besides government organizations use this hunk of shit? It’s enough to make me a libertarian.
t I imagine it would only be a shadow of what getting beaned by a hockey puck would feel like.
This is undeniably true. I took a slap shot off my ankle and it shattered it. Titanium pins are the coooolest!
Will it simply not print? Do you get an error message? Is it printing only a fraction of the chart? what specifically is it doing or not doing?
I used to take calculus 2 first period with a girl who would come to class straight from her 6AM hockey practices. She scared me (although she was half-Japanese and extremely good looking… also she shared her yama no ko with me once*).
*not a veiled yoni reference
wait, that was kinoko no yama. my bad
tsam–
excuse me: so-called, etc, also
I was just riffin’. I figured that to be sarcasm of the highest order.
Will it simply not print? Do you get an error message? Is it printing only a fraction of the chart? what specifically is it doing or not doing?
It will print, but it’s tiny. So I adjusted the size and put it in landscape, and then when I print it, it’s just a blank page. I tried to save it as an HTML file, but it was blank when I saved it. I swear, I’m not dumb with shit like this (which is, like, half my job), but I cannot get it to work.
Do people besides government organizations use this hunk of shit?
First rule of software: if it’s a hunk of shit, GUARANTEED some large branch of government has a big contract to use it exclusively.
Exhibit A: Peoplesoft.
Titanium pins are the coooolest!
Lucky! when my ACL got rebuilt following a skiing accident they used surgical steel screws on me. I feel like I am missing out.
She’s leaning into the plate an awful lot though. And not wearing a helmet. Maybe it’s slow pitch.
She’s daring the pitcher to throw inside. Intimidation tactic.
Exhibit A: Peoplesoft.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus, don’t even get me fucking STARTED.
… use this hunk of shit?
Shut yo mouf. Visio FTW! Lurn 2 adjust Connector Properties.
T&U can you do a print preview and save as PDF? That always works on a Mac. Dunno about windows but I might try the Print Screen/MS Paint escape hatch if your output is sufficiently WYSIWYG.
Option 2: Save As enhanced meta-file (.emf). Paste into Word. WYSIWIG until it’s big enough to satisfy your needs.
Option 3: OMFG just print the motherfucker you stupid asshole m$ blargghhhh
She’s daring the pitcher to throw inside.
With that grip? Cripes, that’s the type of thinking that makes the cut for SCOTUS niminee!?!?! Jamming the ball inside is the last thing she wants (because she’s a lesbian).
Lurn 2 adjust Connector Properties.
I don’t have the program on my computer, so that’s really a big part of the problem–I can’t really adjust the damn thing in the first place.
Dunno about windows but I might try the Print Screen/MS Paint escape hatch if your output is sufficiently WYSIWYG.
I was thinking about that…I think I’m going to have to do that.
niminee was a typo – but wot an AWESOME one!
T&U – ‘sbeen a while but I think you need to set up the scale. It’s sheet or page or drawing or something _properties_.
Waitaminit – if you don’t have the program, what DO you have?
Waitaminit – if you don’t have the program, what DO you have?
I’m viewing it in Explorer. Also, realizing that I’m being retarded trying to adjust the fucking thing without the program.
With that grip? Cripes, that’s the type of thinking that makes the cut for SCOTUS niminee!?!?! Jamming the ball inside is the last thing she wants (because she’s a lesbian).
All lesbians have something to prove. The choking up is merely a diversionary tactic. She’s about to show that asshole male pitcher what’s what.
I do the same thing after I’ve had enough beers while playing softball–stagger to the plate, try to remember which side a right handed batter lines up, wobble a little bit…when the right pitch comes I load the hell up and *sometimes* crush that fucking ball!
Just do a screenshot and print that. Wikipedia’s page on Visio has good linkage at the bottom: you can probably find some open source freebie that can look at and edit the file.
Good, because yeah, I wouldn’t trust you and your “oh some really totally trustworthy foreign spy dude told us it was true so CONFIRMED!” on a stack of Bibles.
But, mon cherie, eet eez -how you say- zee verite!
So yeah, I’m stupid. IGNORE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just do a screenshot and print that.
Just did that. Thanks.
I’ll ignore you only after I finish laughing at you.
I’ll ignore you only after I finish laughing at you.
*sob* I thought I had it installed!
I hate my life.
Also, I’d just like to say that I’m not as dumb as my hated co-worker, who said that she’s in a “love triangle” and then proceeded to list three restaurants she really likes.
Also, I’d just like to say that I’m not as dumb as my hated co-worker, who said that she’s in a “love triangle” and then proceeded to list three restaurants she really likes.
Wild guess at her first name: Britney?
(Actually, I’m pretty sure it ends with Spock choking Kirk on the bridge of the Enterprise, but it’s about the journey, not the destination, yadda yadda.)
The safe word is “Shatner”.
Wild guess at her first name: Britney?
Close enough. Samantha. Think of a slightly more wholesome (and skinnier and less attractive) Britney.
I hate my life.
You should. Life without Visio! What would be the point?
Also, I’d just like to say that I’m not as dumb as my hated co-worker, who said that she’s in a “love triangle” and then proceeded to list three restaurants she really likes
Bizarre
Jennifer,
Is this new summer meals program something your new biz can get in on?
Blanche is having to act like a Democrat this week, so grab while the grabbing is good.
OMG! Visio 2010 is going to have text along connectors! Man I am so pissed I missed the beta for that one.
LittlePig – sounds like a worthy thing, but not something that fits with what we do.
I’m really wondering how the election will go.
Life without Visio! What would be the point?
I’m pretty sure I’ll get by somehow. That’s what Prozac is for.
Bizarre
What, is that a love triangle with, like, sushi and that other weird foreign food?
I once had to explain why Dante’s “Inferno” was referred to as “Dante’s Inferno” and clarify that it was not, in fact “Dante Inferno”, nor that “Dante’s Inferno” is the actual name of the book. This was after she reassured me several times that she had read it.
I’m really wondering how the election will go.
Brother Silver doesn’t have happy news in that regard. He still has 92% probability that a Republican (Boozman, it would appear) will win.
Inferno Joe. Click the picture.
What, is that a love triangle with, like, sushi and that other weird foreign food?
Nah, it’s just Bernard Sumner looking a little long in the tooth.
As for the Primary, probably Blanche, but Halter may yet have a chance.
Win or lose, I will cheerfully help to retire Halter’s campaign debt. At least he made an honest woman of her for a little while.
I wish she would change parties (it still smarts to say that. I honestly believe that, but it was about the last thing I said to Bill Gwatney before he was murdered. That still stings).
I once had to explain why Dante’s “Inferno” was referred to as “Dante’s Inferno” and clarify that it was not, in fact “Dante Inferno”, nor that “Dante’s Inferno” is the actual name of the book. This was after she reassured me several times that she had read it.
She probably saw the film adaptation
Inferno Joe. Click the picture.
That’s pretty awesome.
Nah, it’s just Bernard Sumner looking a little long in the tooth.
Yeah, I still think of him as, like, 28.
“Also, I’d just like to say that I’m not as dumb as my hated co-worker, who said that she’s in a “love triangle” and then proceeded to list three restaurants she really likes.”
Also, too: I am just one woman short of a menage a trois!!!!
She probably saw the film adaptation
Oh no, that’s way too gory for her. For real.
My husband just told me that someone at the Salvation Army called him a “gay boy.” Nicely, but also for serious.
Gwatney was definitely a member of the good-suit Democrats club, but he wouldn’t have fit well with the Republicans, because he wasn’t stupid or utterly corrupt, and Blanche has been one or the other or both all along.
Oooooh, check this out:
David Horowitz goes to UCSB for a talk. When the floor is opened for questions, a member of the Muslim Students Association asks Horowitz about some “literature” of his. I take it to mean that one of his sleazy “Discover the Network” type things was distributed, because she’s asking him why it stated that MSA, which (according to her) receives no outside funding, was sponsored by Hitler Admirers Club or some such thing.
Horowitz doesn’t answer, and instead demands she condemn Hamas. She sort of inarftully dodges the question, and says it has nothing to do with what she asked. Horowitz then rambles at length to produce a “when are you going to stop beating you wife?” question about whether she supports Israel (so’s you can kill all the Jews in one place)? Then he calls her a terrorist because she’s wearing one of those Dunkin Donuts scarves and won’t answer her question.
National Review thinks this shows Horowitz to be some sort of genius.
My husband just told me that someone at the Salvation Army called him a “gay boy.” Nicely, but also for serious.
Who does that? Guy trawling for a hookup?
I never thought much of Arkansas but I am now won over. The athletics teams are fucking awesome.
Who does that?
Probably elderly? Like the woman we know who blithely and routinely refers to the Bishop of New Hampshire as “that queer” and President Obama as a “n__,” well, you know the type.
Apparently the NY Times is profiling Erick.
Who does that?
Clueless middle-aged Midwestern dudes?
Okay, in his defense, he was actually trying to be nice.
Guy was looking for clothes for something with his teenage son, and had Mom on speakerphone for advice. She said, “Don’t get anything pink or yellow, because that means you’re gay.”* Dad, embarrassed, looks at my husband and says, “Honey, you’re on speakerphone and there’s a gay boy here.”
This is a man I have to remind to brush his teeth. I guess the Ben Sherman and the combed hair signaled his gayness?
*Who the fuck is this woman to be giving out fashion advice, anyway?
I must have missed some wingnut dumb:
Aside from possessing a vagina and having a last name that makes dirty ol’ teabaggers think of “fanny,” what did Dakota Fanning do to arouse* their
naughty bits“ire?”*totally unveiled to comply with the headscarf ban
who said that she’s in a “love triangle” and then proceeded to list three restaurants she really likes.
Isn’t that a quadrangle?
Deaf Leopards?
I never thought much of Arkansas but I am now won over. The athletics teams are fucking awesome.
Deaf Leopards?
Razorbacks.
After DKW’s mom.
Apparently the NY Times is profiling Erick.
“It goes on like this, but here’s the bit that I bet will make the left blogosphere happiest…”
They were already pooping their pants over it last night. Jesus Christ, people, chill the fuck out.
Honestly, you couldn’t pay me enough to click that link.
Oooooh, check this out:
LOL! Does Horowitz ever get any sleep or does he just sleep with the lights on clutching a baseball bat scared out of his mind that some terrust? I think, as Horowitz lives in Forest Hills, Queens, NY, he should be more worried about… well not much because Forest Hills is one of the safest neighborhoods in Queens.
Guy was looking for clothes for something with his teenage son, and had Mom on speakerphone for advice. She said, “Don’t get anything pink or yellow, because that means you’re gay.”* Dad, embarrassed, looks at my husband and says, “Honey, you’re on speakerphone and there’s a gay boy here.”
Shhh, don’t say nigger, there’s a colored boy standing right next to me.
I’m the Anonymous “David Horowitz shouldn’t be afraid of anything” poster.
I’m familiar with them….being from Fayetteville, AR. and all. And, yes, I’ve heard the whole team just has the nicest things to say about DKW’s mom.
Does Horowitz ever get any sleep or does he just sleep with the lights on clutching a baseball bat scared out of his mind that some terrust?
I don’t know, but MOMMY. ISSUES. That’s all I have to say.
Shhh, don’t say nigger, there’s a colored boy standing right next to me.
It’s the middle of the day at the Salvation Army in Missouri. I’ll take what I can get.
I think, as Horowitz lives in Forest Hills, Queens, NY, he should be more worried about…
…getting run over at the Kew Gardens interchange by a large liberal in a rented SUV that he’ll be picking up at the LaGuardia Hertz on Saturday at noon?
Not that I’d, you know, have any knowledge of this…
http://thecable.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/05/11/pakistani_official_no_we_didnt_capture_mullah_omar
Hmmm….
I’m familiar with them….being from Fayetteville, AR.
Oh.
My sympathies.
I’ll type slower.
Oooooh, check this out:
“Exactly what she is…” ?
Do they mean a student with a legitimate question? Or a terrust in a student’s clothing plotting to esplode the entire school unless her question about Horowitz’s drivel? Wasn’t Horowitz a “radical” in the Sixties?
Why yes, as a matter of fact, your tears do sustain me.
QQ moar, Trike Forcers.
Actually, Fayetteville is a lovely town filled with lovely people and bastion of liberalism in Northeast Arkansas. I still adore the place. *
I don’t expect people to understand. Arkansas is one of the most misunderstood states in the nation.
Said the caveat that I’m not being hypersensitive and I know yer just bein’ funny, cuz it wouldn’t be S,N if we all weren’t crackin’ wise.
Razorbacks
Arkansas is one of the most misunderstood states in the nation.
No, New York is. Very few people, left or right, understand just how right wing much of the rural portions of this state can be.
I know towns in Erie county that would make Alabama blush.
Arkansas is one of the most misunderstood states in the nation.
It’s a beautiful state.
I’ve actually never been to Fayetteville, despite having grown up 2.5 hours from there.
No, New York is. Very few people, left or right, understand just how right wing much of the rural portions of this state can be.
This is very true. It’s amazing how quickly people go bonkers the further north of NYC you go.
Actually, I bet you’re pretty spot-on with that observation. I know my dad and stepmom lived in Monticello…and I learned some things about the Hasidic* (sp?) population that kinda knocked me on my ass. And I’m sure there’s lots I don’t know about the other rural areas of NY.
*My stepmother is both Jewish and a midwife and served some of the Hasidic population.
Are you serious? Do you mind if I ask where? golly, it’s a small world.
nd I learned some things about the Hasidic*
That’s a ???? (horse) of a different color. In NY (state and city) Hasidic Jews tend to only deal with themselves.
The Hasidim (nicely done) are weird, to be sure, and that area around Monticello, with Grossingers and Kiryas Joel, is very strange, but I’m not even talking about the outliers. I’m talking about very Christian, very conservative, very white New Yorkers.
There’s a lot of farm country up there. They must have some very lonely nights.
The Fayetteville Salvation Army thrift store is a cruiser’s paradise.
In NY (state and city) Hasidic Jews tend to only deal with themselves.
Yea, those guys are so crazy, they think Israel ought to be nuked.
Are you serious? Do you mind if I ask where? golly, it’s a small world.
Yup. I grew up in Kansas, though, so you may not have heard of my hometown. We tended to go to Tulsa, Joplin, or Kansas City if we wanted to go to the “big city.” Occasionally Springfield because of the huge-ass Bass Pro.
You know, 10% is small but the fact that 10% actually believe evrio-turrests took out the oil rig in the gulf makes me weep for future generations.
I mean, I watch, listen, read the news but even if you do one of those, it should be fairly obvious that BP cut corners on the blow out* valve to save some $$$.\
*VlongislandR
Speaking of Hasidim, I highly recommend this book.
I think the plant that was put in there was shut down recently because of illegal immigration raids, but I could be wrong…
Yup, I totally believe you…and I had a feeling you were referring more to Christian conservatives, but there’s just a shit-ton that I bet most people don’t know about the state. (Especially in assuming that all New York Jews are liberal elites.)
NAO WEI! A flower blooms in Kansas. That is so cool.
*VlongislandR
Wait…youse guys are only juss notisseen?????
Aw fuck, I had to deal with those assholes back when I was clubbing on Jericho Turnpike!
(Especially in assuming that all New York Jews are liberal elites.)
I thought David Horowitz was proof enough.
Him and Bernie Goldberg. *shudder*
Wait…does Bernie even live in NY?
This is very true. It’s amazing how quickly people go bonkers the further north of NYC you go.
But there’s no one so bonkers as someone from Yonkers.
In NY (state and city) Hasidic Jews tend to only deal with themselves.
A bunch of them threw rocks at my friends car as she drove through Monsey on a Saturday. They’re the Talmudiban.
NAO WEI! A flower blooms in Kansas. That is so cool.
It was simultaneously better and worse than you can imagine.
Wait…youse guys are only juss notisseen?????
Oh nooooooooooooo. I’ve dealt with them my entire life. Being a tall, rather preppy “funny guy”, our kinds don’t get along at all. Also, fun personal fact, a few years ago, one of the Gotti boys backed his car into mine — at a red traffic light.
back when I was clubbing on Jericho Turnpike!
Actor, we are on non-speaking terms.
But there’s no one so bonkers as someone from Yonkers.
Sheila Murphy *sigh*
back when I was clubbing on Jericho Turnpike!
Actor, we are on non-speaking terms.
Look, I had to get some and Lawnguyland girls treated me and my Upper East Side accent like I was British, you know?
A bunch of them threw rocks at my friends car as she drove through Monsey on a Saturday.
I’m sure they were just trying to “hello”.
I had to get some and Lawnguyland girls treated me and my Upper
East Side accent like I was British, you know?
Non-speaking terms rescinded. Excellent work.
Kinda like what my neutral, nearly-Chicagoan accent did to girls from Virginia Beach!
I believe that.
I believe that.
That was also before meth, so I have a feeling now it would just be “worse.”
Speaking of Hasidim, I highly recommend this book.
There was a Village Voice cover story about Agriprocessors about a year ago- gotta check out the book, for great justice.
There was a Village Voice cover story about Agriprocessors about a year ago- gotta check out the book, for great justice.
It’s a great case study of a new culture coming into an insulated, rural community, period. The fact that the writer is Jewish and straddling these two very different worlds makes it even more interesting. I wish that someone would do something like it in a community that has a new Tyson plant, for example.
Is Substance lurking today? I found out what Austrian Economics is. This is what that new Maine GOP
insanityplatform was babbling about. Among other things…That sounds pretty interesting. I wonder if many people know that there are portions of Jewish community (WTH?…”community?”) that may give Christian fundamentalism a run for its money. *
*Saying this as someone who is NOT holding herself up as some expert on Hasidic customs and beliefs.
Ugh. *shudder* That is one drug that scares the shit out of me. Can’t understand why anyone would get involved in that scene.
Can’t understand why anyone would get involved in that scene.
Ever listen to The Beatles?
Ever listen to The Beatles on meth??
It’s a great case study of a new culture coming into an insulated, rural community, period.
In this case, the new culture which entered the insulated, rural community was even more insulated.
No, I’m not really a big Oasis fan.
Can’t understand why anyone would get involved in that scene.
Well, if you get paid by the mile, and your shipment needs to get to Abilene stat, it may make more sense.
It’s amazing how quickly people go bonkers the further north of NYC you go.
Well, the closer you get to the madhouse that is Albany…
It’s a great case study of a new culture coming into an insulated, rural community, period.
I have a vacation home in a section of New York that’s not too far from Postville. There’s a town near me that’s going thru a similar adjustment. For the longest time it was all farm families and the whole bit: county fairs, church socials…and then the Hasidim moved in. For a while, things were pretty copacetic. It’s a pretty poor town and so they welcomed new families of any stripe.
And then the Hasidim started flexing muscles: no more Friday night bus runs, bars started closing, the local hardware wholesaler had to close Saturdays and open Sundays…
The town went a little crazy, especially during ski season because it was killing tourism.
No, I’m not really a big Oasis fan.
LOL. I am and I don’t do meth. Anymore.
Hayek is the last word in economics as far as I’m concerned.
I wonder if many people know that there are portions of Jewish community (WTH?…”community?”) that may give Christian fundamentalism a run for its money. *
They should, if they’ve seen Fiddler on the Roof!
In this case, the new culture which entered the insulated, rural community was even more insulated.
Right? That was the most interesting thing about it…the community was actually pretty welcoming at first.
Kinda like what my neutral, nearly-Chicagoan accent did to girls from Virginia Beach!
Sadly, I wonder where the hell I can go that makes my nasally Wisconsin accent sound alluring.
Actually, I have no problem with Oasis, I was just going for the cheap joke. 🙂
And then Kevin Bacon came to town and everybody danced. The end.
It might sound strange, but that actually gives me hope for the future–it’s significantly less than the usual 27% number that pops up with the crazy shit. Maybe people finally are growing up and realizing that government regulations exist for a reason.
Hayek is the last word in economics as far as I’m concerned.
Those supply curves are always in great demand.
For the longest time it was all farm families and the whole bit: county fairs, church socials…and then the Hasidim moved in. For a while, things were pretty copacetic. It’s a pretty poor town and so they welcomed new families of any stripe.
And then the Hasidim started flexing muscles: no more Friday night bus runs, bars started closing, the local hardware wholesaler had to close Saturdays and open Sundays…
That’s kind of what happened there, PLUS a big influx of illegal immigrants. It’s been a few years since I’ve read it, and IIRC, the townspeople certainly weren’t innocent, but the Hasidim were absolutely unwilling to make any concessions to integrate into the community they were living in.
Sadly, I wonder where the hell I can go that makes my nasally Wisconsin accent sound alluring.
I kind of love Wisconsin accents.
…but that actually gives me hope for the future–it’s significantly less than the usual 27% number that pops up with the crazy shit.
Maybe 17% think it was MOOSLIMS!!!one!need_fresh_pants_these_have_POOP!!11!one
It might sound strange, but that actually gives me hope for the future–it’s significantly less than the usual 27% number that pops up with the crazy
That’s very true. I guess we still have birtherism to keep our tears for the future flowing.
Hayek is the last word in economics as far as I’m concerned.
Nothing is hotter than serfdom and guitar cases full of guns.
…and then someone riddled my happy thought with flak and I fell right out of the sky.
I kind of love Wisconsin accents.
Excellent. Now all I have to do is find someone like you who is single and goes for guys who look suspiciously like Uncle Fester and I am set!
Sadly, I wonder where the hell I can go that makes my nasally Wisconsin accent sound alluring.
The Frances McDormand fan club?
Now all I have to do is find someone like you who is single and goes for guys who look suspiciously like Uncle Fester and I am set!
My long-lost twin brother!
This is very true. It’s amazing how quickly people go bonkers the further north of NYC you go.
Eastern Washington here. I can totally sympathize.
I wonder where the hell I can go that makes my nasally Wisconsin accent sound alluring.
Manchester, England.
Is that you Noel Sheppard?
I kind of love Wisconsin accents.
Sew, how bout them Packers, huh?
Is that you Noel Sheppard?
Lordy-loo, no! I guess the only resemblance between myself and Fester is the glossy, glabrous pate.
I kind of love Wisconsin accents.
Excellent. Now all I have to do is find someone like you who is single and goes for guys who look suspiciously like Uncle Fester and I am set!
Of course, I tend to giggle when I hear them, so I’m not sure you’d want a lady who’s *exactly* like me.
POOP
POOP
Everybody’s a critic.
I’m hanging out with Regis and Kelly now. So long everyone.
WAIT! I promise I’ll be more perky.
Tee hee!
POOP
That’s kind of the best thing I’ve seen all day. Besides this.
I love that dogs always have some kind of guilty look when pooping. People seem to find it funny and endearing. So what am I doing wrong?
I’m not a big HuffPo fan, but one of the “related news” links on that Regis&Kelly story is awesome
So what am I doing wrong?
If you could lick your butt, all would be forgiven.
“related news” links on that Regis&Kelly story is awesome
That’s just wrong! The chihuahua needs to do the Heimlich from BEHIND the kitten!
From Substance’s link:
HA!
Kill yourget some new idols, sad sack blogger groupies.I’m not a big HuffPo fan
The comedy section is the only good part.
Ms. Hamsher said she would rather debate Mr. Erickson, whom she called an “honest broker”
All brokers are dishonest.
HA!
Kill yourget some new idols, sad sack blogger groupies.Oh, she’s been hated for quite a while now–ever since she a) refused to get behind the healthcare bill, and b) worked with Grover Norquist in opposition to it.
The comedy section is the only good part.
I dunno. I’d match S,N!’s crew against theirs, right down to the commentors.
I dunno. I’d match S,N!’s crew against theirs, right down to the commentors.
That’s a given but sometimes they have a winner. Like, for instance, a dog pooping on teevee.
Yeah, there’s some serious Deliverance style livin’ going on up in the hinterlands. You don’t even need to go all that far out of the city. Two or three hours can get you into some interesting areas. I love places like Delhi and Cairo, pronounced dell-high and cahruh.
Well, 22% were undecided, which still gives me a sad. You know they want to say yes, but understand it’s just a bit too far. This is, admittedly, progress. Oy.
That’s a given but sometimes they have a winner.
Yes, true, but they *make* money, so can afford those newfangled gizmos like “videos,” which personally I think are just a fad.
I mean, who’d want to watch hours of bloopers and outtakes??
I love places like Delhi
I’m in Delhi frequently. I was distraught when Ames closed, but the price Chopper makes up for a lot. The nearest shopping to me after Delhi is….Wal-Mart in Oneonta, and I refuse.
I mean, who’d want to watch hours of bloopers and outtakes??
Depends. What are they of?
I mean, who’d want to watch hours of bloopers and outtakes??
*raises hand*
Bloppers are the best. Wait are we still talking about that dog who pooped on regis and kelly?
I love that dogs always have some kind of guilty look when pooping. People seem to find it funny and endearing. So what am I doing wrong?
That’s the anticipation of the hilarity brought from seeing the dog scrape his butt down the driveway. You know what you need to do.
Wait are we still talking about that dog who pooped on regis and kelly?
If the dog pooped ON Regis and Kelly, as opposed to on the set, I’ll buy the bitch dinner.
Bloppers are the best. Wait are we still talking about that dog who pooped on regis and kelly?
If that dog actually pooped *on them*, it would be my hero.
If the dog pooped ON Regis and Kelly, as opposed to on the set, I’ll buy the bitch dinner.
I don’t like this. Not at all.
The outtakes of Peter Sellers trying to deliver the “Raphael line” in Being There are possibly the funniest moments in film EVAH.
If the dog pooped ON Regis and Kelly, as opposed to on the set
If that dog actually pooped *on them*, it would be my hero.
*clicks heels and salutes the Grammer Gestapo*
I am forever humbled by your pedantry. It’s misplaced modifier day… In my head.
It really is funny when a child hits dad* in the crotch.
*”Dad” meaning “father who is not me”.
Do you two (Actor and T&U) have some sort of weird Vulcan mind meld going on?
Do you two (Actor and T&U) have some sort of weird Vulcan mind meld going on?
No, they just like to point out everyone’s faults.
I’m not the dog in the video, you don’t have to rub my nose in my mistakes!
(In effort to shift attention off of esteev’s poor writing) Constitutionality is based on a show of hands!
…phew..
Do you two (Actor and T&U) have some sort of weird Vulcan mind meld going on?
ShutUP, Marion!
I’m not the dog in the video, you don’t have to rub my nose in my mistakes!
Dude, I wasn’t being pedantic–I just thought it was funny.
I love that dogs always have some kind of guilty look when pooping. People seem to find it funny and endearing. So what am I doing wrong?
I have to think that Irksome has that same look on his fuglymug while clacking out his *words* n stuff. So perhaps you could trying being a super genius and get a job with “the most trusted name in P00P”
Do you two (Actor and T&U) have some sort of weird Vulcan mind meld going on?
No, we just like to point out everyone’s faults.
Dude, I wasn’t being pedantic–I just thought it was funny.
It was. Also, too, I thought “I’m not the dog in the video, you don’t have to rub my nose in my mistakes!” was funny.
Do you two (Actor and T&U) have some sort of weird Vulcan mind meld going on?
ShutUP, Marion!
Hm. This appears to be a case of a nerve being hit.
I am forever humbled by your pedantry. It’s misplaced modifier day… In my head.
Oh please, I wasn’t judging, I was extrapolating.
It was. Also, too, I thought “I’m not the dog in the video, you don’t have to rub my nose in my mistakes!” was funny.
Meh. Not really.
Hm. This appears to be a case of a nerve being hit.
I’ll hit your nerve!
Wait, what?
Oh please, I wasn’t judging, I was extrapolating.
Aye aye, Magellan!
.
.
.
Wait.
No, we just like to point out everyone’s faults.
Remember that when you point a finger, there are 3 fingers pointing right back at you. I have scientific evidence to back that claim. So stick that in yer pipe and smoke it!
This concludes our snarkly lesson on stupid fucking things your mom said to shut you the hell up.
I don’t like this. Not at all.
You have to get up pretty early in the morning to top¹ me.
Shall I nudge you next time?
¹VDommeR
things your mom said to shut you the hell up.
You weren’t tasered? Lucky.
This concludes our snarkly lesson on stupid fucking things your mom said to shut you the hell up.
There are children in India starving for that snark you’re throwing away.
Wingnut says we should issue hunting permits for liberals to thin the herd, is shocked–shocked!–that humorless smelly hippy types interpret it as a death threat.
You have to get up pretty early in the morning to top¹ me.
Shall I nudge you next time?
¹V
DommebottomRYou’ll have to pitch to a slower hitter if you’re curve is hanging.
There are children in India starving for that snark you’re throwing away.
Give a dude a snark, he laughs for a minute. Teach a dude to snark and you can’t ever shut him up.
You’ll have to pitch to a slower hitter if you’re curve is hanging.
If it’s hanging, it ain’t curving.
god. Liberals are so sensitive about being hunted down and killed.
You have to get up pretty early in the morning to top¹ me.
Shit. I am so not a morning person.
Shall I nudge you next time?
Oh, come on. I was probably 10 seconds late.
Teach a dude to snark and you can’t ever shut him up.
He’ll jump the snark.
Putting the word “fucking” so close to the phrase “your mom” is a trigger for me.
Wingnut says we should issue hunting permits for liberals to thin the herd, is shocked–shocked!–that humorless smelly hippy types interpret it as a death threat.
Just a thought, but maybe if his name wasn’t “Goehring”….
From Martian Buddy’s link:
Two points of order:
Frontrunner??? This guy is seeking office?
Haha, stupid libz can’t even take a joke–further reason to kill the…SHIT! Did I just say that out loud?
Wingnut says we should issue hunting permits for liberals to thin the herd
Oh, c’mon Martian, it’s totally obvious that they just want to target liberals and shoot them down at the polls.
I don’t think they realize that that’s not the type of rhetoric fringies
need toshould be hearing.Putting the word “fucking” so close to the phrase “your mom” is a trigger for me.
“Stupid” in there couldn’t have helped any.
Frontrunner??? This guy is seeking office?
*Was*, you mean.
You’ll have to pitch to a slower hitter if you’re curve is hanging.
If it’s hanging, it ain’t curving.
I’m a Mariners fan. I know
**tear**
Wingnut says we should issue hunting permits for liberals to thin the herd, is shocked–shocked!–that humorless smelly hippy types interpret it as a death threat.
Y’all have seen the “liberal hunting permits,” right?
Pure, unadulterated hate and bigotry. Oh, and stupidity.
TruculentandUnreliable said,
May 12, 2010 at 21:40
Wingnut says we should issue hunting permits for liberals to thin the herd, is shocked–shocked!–that humorless smelly hippy types interpret it as a death threat.
Y’all have seen the “liberal hunting permits,” right?
Esteev said,
May 12, 2010 at 21:43
Pure, unadulterated hate and bigotry. Oh, and stupidity.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……..
Brother-in-law (who is dumb enough to live in Texas) saw a bumper sticker the other day that read: “I have a sniper, now all I need is a President!”
(In effort to shift attention off of esteev’s poor writing) Constitutionality is based on a show of hands!
…phew..
Well, I guess that settles it, yes?
HOUSTON, Texas, I might add.
Wingnut says we should issue hunting permits for liberals to thin the herd, is shocked–shocked!–that humorless smelly hippy types interpret it as a death threat.
It’s okay if It is SATIRE.
Also FYWP
There’s actually a fair number of us Arkies round these parts…vacuumslayer, LittlePig, myself, one of our hosts…I’d say the Arkie contigent is pretty well represented here, and should make you all ashamed for all the digs you take at our poor benighted state. It’s not like we’re South Carolina, for chrissakes.
Brother-in-law (who is dumb enough to live in Texas) saw a bumper sticker the other day that read: “I have a sniper, now all I need is a President!”
I have a brain, now all I need is one less Texas.
Nothing’s for sure but death in Texas.
It’s not like we’re South Carolina, for chrissakes.
No shit. Florida and SC will always allow y’all (see what I did there, I used your jargon, your lingo if you will) to look down at somebody.
I’ll totally respect you if you take Walmart the fuck back.
Born in Charleston*, raised in Arkansas. But, yeah, it’s nifty having all these Arkansans here. Hard not to feel at home.
*Another AMAZING town. Hubby and I get down there as often as possible. But, yeah, SC mostly sucks donkey dicks.
should make you all ashamed for all the digs you take at our poor benighted state. It’s not like we’re South Carolina, for chrissakes.
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn.
So that’s Arkansas’ state motto: “Hey, at least we’re not South Carolina”?
saw a bumper sticker the other day that read: “I have a sniper,…
Aren’t we at warwarwarwarwarwarwar?? Whoever that driver is is UnAmerican.
I’ll totally respect you if you take Walmart the fuck back.
Shit, half the people who run that fucking empire live here, the fucking fuckers.
Nothing’s for sure but death in Texas.
That’s because they already have Taxes.
Well, that’s what I’m talking about! Dollars! Dollars, Taxes!
and should make you all ashamed for all the digs you take at our poor benighted state
I live in Eastern Washington, which is really more like Western Idaho. This is the home of the Wide Stance Homophobics. Daily I earn the right to lash out at other red states.
Once an Arkie, always an Arkie. And I was born in Little Rock.
Shit, half the people who run that fucking empire live here, the fucking fuckers.
That’s right, and ever since they installed a president, they’re unlocked every achievement in the global domination game.
they’re
Ugh. They’Ve.
“So that’s Arkansas’ state motto: “Hey, at least we’re not South Carolina”?”
No. When I was there, it was “Thank goodness for Mississippi!”
I believe it has been scientifically proven that people from Other Places are stupid.
How many people here came from a town that was named by pulling slips of paper with letters on them from a hat?
Pure, unadulterated hate and bigotry. Oh, and stupidity.
And spelling issues!
Rallys! Fuck Yeah.
Ok, I’m done with you right wingers. Please go to hell and die now. kthxbai.
they’re unlocked every achievement in the global domination game.
Even the 100 G “Socialism/Wealth Redistribution Reached”
Achievement??
How many people here came from a town that was named by pulling slips of paper with letters on them from a hat?
Mary Piper picked a peck of pickled papers?
being handed a scoop and uncritically yelling “whoopee”
Veiled Trebuchet reference.
Quote of the Day
“Limbaugh can play with himself.” President Obama said when asked about taking on Rush Limbaugh in a round of golf.
http://www.bobcesca.com/blog-archives/2010/05/quote_of_the_da_116.html
I just have to say this; Al Gore is a fucking genius. We’ve had widespread internet usage for nearly two decades now, and yet cretins still haven’t figured out that they’ll get busted for forwarding racist emails of the president with a bone through his nose or making “jokes” about shooting their political opponents on their Facebook page. It’s like a bug zapper for morans.
Shit, half the people who run that fucking empire live here, the fucking fuckers.
That’s right, and ever since they installed a president, they’re unlocked every achievement in the global domination game.
A Wal-Mart superstore that was put in my community a few years ago was opposed by pretty much everyone who would be near it. Basically, they said to us, “You can do this the hard way or the easy way.” So, they are in the middle of a neighborhood with two schools and a church, but at least they paid for the infrastructure and updated the roads around them. They would have just plopped down on the land and left us to pray that kids wouldn’t be run over as the zombie hordes came there to buy cheap shit from China in their gas guzzlers. As it is, they’re in a “tax abatement district,” which means that they charge a higher sales tax rate, and that tax money goes directly to them to make repairs in their parking lot and other updates that, you know, they SHOULD FUCKING PAY FOR.
I hate them so much.
You don’t think the belly fat makes it difficult? And his tiny weenis?
How many people here came from a town that was named by pulling slips of paper with letters on them from a hat?
Nice! No, I come from one of the many Western towns named as a consolation prize to the massacred natives that were here first: Spokane
This little wiki article leaves out most of the story, like that massacre by George Wright (who now has a road named after him, which, ironically passes in front of a college).
You don’t think the belly fat makes it difficult? And his tiny weenis?
LALALALALALALALALALALALA HAPPY THOUGHTS!
En guarde!
*Made dumb joke in another thread about Trebuchet being a fencing term
Well, as a sports fan, I can totally sympathize with what you’re saying. My neighborhood actually WON a battle with Walmart, despite having a Shopko next door to the proposed site. I live in a working class enclave in the middle of a richy rich neighborhood
Rush nekkid! Rush nekkid! Furiously fapping! [/tortures T&U]
En guarde!
*Made dumb joke in another thread about Trebuchet being a fencing term
Oooohhhh, thaaaat kind of fencing.
You don’t think the belly fat makes it difficult? And his tiny weenis?
He’ll use barbecue tongs.
Rush nekkid! Rush nekkid! Furiously fapping! [/tortures T&U]
Imagine the ripples, flowing around his fatback, colliding with each other, causing a sweaty spray, making a splat sound, in perfect rhythm with the meat beating…
**gag**
Imagine the ripples, flowing around his fatback, colliding with each other, causing a sweaty spray, making a splat sound, in perfect rhythm with the meat beating…
PROTIP: Hamburgers don’t taste nearly as good the second time.
My neighborhood actually WON a battle with Walmart, despite having a Shopko next door to the proposed site.
Good!
As I said, a large number of the extended Walton family lives here, so we were pretty much fucked from the beginning. However, it was pretty schaudenfreudey when one of the guys who paid for our new stadium had to take his daughter’s name off of it because she was caught paying to go to class for her and do her homework all throughout college.
PROTIP: Hamburgers don’t taste nearly as good the second time.
WHY DO YOU KEEP COPYING ME?
WHY DO YOU KEEP COPYING ME?
WHY DO YOU KEEP COPYING ME?
However, it was pretty schaudenfreudey when one of the guys who paid for our new stadium had to take his daughter’s name off of it because she was caught paying to go to class for her and do her homework all throughout college.
Did she at least wait until they rolled back prices?
I’ve had a soft spot for Arkansas ever since Ted Baxter called it “Ar-Kansas.”
You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list.
You all are on my list.
You checking it twice? Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice?
I wanna pony. And a bazooka.
HOLY SHIT!
Mullah Omar WAS captured!
But unlike Jawa Breaker here…it happened in February, which means HIS news is fucking three months slow!
I wanna pony. And a bazooka.
Who are you? Calvin?
Big Brother said,
HA! I voted for E. Goldstein.
You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list. You all are on my list.
WHY DO YOU KEEP COPYING ME?
Lack of original thought?
PS Yes, I know that was his second in command. I wanted to see how far the story would fly.
Santa Claus said,
HA! I voted for E. Bunny.
Who are you? Calvin?
No, just a man with a simple plan.
Listen, if you’re in a giving mood, I need a fifty pound sack of flour, to go with my list.
Did she at least wait until they rolled back prices?
I doubt it. She didn’t seem very smart. Hence, the paying thing. They’re all ridiculous, nouveau riche assholes.
I’ve had a soft spot for Arkansas ever since Ted Baxter called it “Ar-Kansas.”
Fun fact*: Kansans refer to the part of the Arkansas River that runs through Kansas as the “Ar-Kansas River.” However, the part that runs through Arkansas is pronounced “Arkansaw.”
*LIE. Not fun at all.
… cretins still haven’t figured out that they’ll get busted for forwarding racist emails of the president with a bone through his nose or … .
The photograph has now been removed from the Internet.
President Obama can play with my club any day. Then he can mow the grass and take out the trash.
Fun fact*:
For some it might be fun. For others, the living envy the dead.
For some it might be fun. For others, the living envy the dead.
No worries–I’m sure even zombies can grasp this simple concept.
Hijack time. What else can we add to this list?
I’m sure even zombies can grasp this simple concept.
With what? Fingers that don’t stay attached?
Fingers that don’t stay attached?
They’re zombies, not lepers!
Unless they were lepers who died and became zombies, of course.
Rush Limbaugh said,
May 12, 2010 at 22:26
President Obama can play with my club any day. Then he can mow the grass and take out the trash.
I just laughed my fucking face off.
With what? Fingers that don’t stay attached?
Sometimes entire hands, too.
I just laughed my fucking face off.
Shambler in our midst.
Sometimes entire hands, too.
A hard hand is good to find.
Speaking of zombies, my youngest daughter’s band just marched in our local parade dressed as a zombie, playing Thriller on the flute. It makes a paternal zombie most proud…
A hard hand is good to find.
‘Specially when you come across a super genius with a liberal hunter’s license, directing them to a union rallys.
Numbnutted dumbfucks. If you’re gonna pay to have something like that manufactured…don’t.
I’m sure even zombies can grasp this simple concept.
With what? Fingers that don’t stay attached?
Or teeth.
The photograph has now been removed from the Internet.
Ok, who
elsegoogled it? Come on now–T&U?Fun fact*: Kansans refer to the part of the Arkansas River that runs through Kansas as the “Ar-Kansas River.” However, the part that runs through Arkansas is pronounced “Arkansaw.”
Just don’t let Cassius M. Johnson hear you say it.
Ok, who else googled it?
You’d be surprised how many nude photos there are of a flat-chested British post-teen actress.
Not that I checked.
As I said, a large number of the extended Walton family lives here, so we were pretty much fucked from the beginning.
Resistance. Is. Futile. (at least ’round these parts…hyeh hyeh)
You’d be surprised how many nude photos there are of a flat-chested British post-teen actress.
Not that I checked.
Me either. I’m just trying to validate my perviness. If said perviness actually existed. Which it doesn’t. Also.
Me either. I’m just trying to validate my perviness. If said perviness actually existed. Which it doesn’t. Also.
Nooooooooooo! Of course not!
I was surprised to see her with bleached blonde hair…
I’m out of order? How can I be out of order when I can piss clear across the Mississippi River?
You may compare the lily of the valley to the glorious sunflower. Or the sun-kissed peaks of the highest mountains to the smokin’ turd of a dunghill. Or the classic strains of Mozart to the fart of a Mexican burrow. You may compare the puny penis of a Peruvian prince to the ponderous buttocks of the Roman gladiator. But change the name of Arkansas? Never, by God Sir, never!
Now that’s how you handle a state legislature. This guy was a fucking genius.
Ok, who else googled it? Come on now–T&U?
A) I’m at work, and
B) I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I like them a little more womanly than that.
ponderous buttocks of the Roman gladiator…
**sigh**
Just don’t let Cassius M. Johnson hear you say it.
That’s kind of fucking awesome.
ponderous buttocks of the Roman gladiator…
*jotting down*
Possible band name.
B) I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I like them a little more womanly than that.
I sure as hell noticed that! You forgot my favorite one…
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I like them a little more womanly than that.
I can go either way on this, as I can easily think of good-looking women of all different shapes…
If you need me, I’ll be in my bunk.
…but I do have a problem with “womanly” as a synonym for “large-breasted.”
ponderous buttocks of the Roman gladiator
Thinking more on this, it sounds like it would make a better album name. Something Steve Winwood would release¹
¹Veiled Roman baths reference
…but I do have a problem with “womanly” as a synonym for “large-breasted.”
it’s not, altho that plays into it.
Think “more cushion for the pushin’ “
…but I do have a problem with “womanly” as a synonym for “large-breasted.”
That’s not *exactly* what I meant, but I agree. I should have used different language…
And actually, I find women of all types attractive, too. Just not Emma Watson.
Just not Emma Watson.
Nobody looks good as a skinny teenager. Give her five years, let her fill out a little.
This one should top the list
<i.Nobody looks good as a skinny teenager. Give her five years, let her fill out a little.
That’s kind of what I meant by “womanly,” too. Like, someone who is old enough to drink legally in the US.
This one should top the list
I’ve offered to have her babies.
I’m not sure she understood that means *I* get pregnant.
That’s kind of fucking awesome.
You should check out Vance Randolph’s Pissing in the Snow. It’s funny, though pretty tame by today’s standards.
Related searches: megan fox
Fuck. YOU. Google. Related, my ASS
TAG FAIL.
I think Kate Beckinsale is beautiful, but I’ve never found her to be that hot, personally. Don’t ask me why.
I think Kate Beckinsale is beautiful, but I’ve never found her to be that hot, personally. Don’t ask me why.
No explanation needed. Note my hatred for google for relating megan fox (I refuse to capitalize her name) to Kate Beckinsale.
I think Kate Beckinsale is beautiful
You’ve obviously never seen the “Underworld” movies.
Rhona Mitra is hot. Kate Beckinsale is just….well, she’s just.
It’s still real to me, dammit!
Kate Beckinsale is just….well, she’s just.
Her judgements are both fair and compassionate?
the angle of the face is physically impossible with the body in that position
Apparently, her representative has never been to Singapore.
Rhona Mitra is hot. Kate Beckinsale is just….well, she’s just.
Actually, I have, and I cannot disagree.
Emma is a doll and will only get prettier as she ages.
Her judgements are both fair and compassionate?
Fair, I’ll give, but she can be as cruel as she wants with me.
Her judgements are both fair and compassionate?
And you! Stop reading my iPad over my shoulder and don’t judge me because I downloaded Plato’s Retre– I mean, Republic!
ponderous buttocks of the Roman gladiator
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
it’s not, altho that plays into it.
The womanliest woman I’ve ever met is built like the pre-implant Gisele: tall, lean, muscular. It’s really not physical.
I agree with T&U about the difference from age. Some comedian in the 70s had a routine about this. You think about the girl you knew in junior high who developed first and you think “If only I knew then what I know now…” but if you did have that knowledge you’d be saying “Never mind these girls, I want a WOMAN.”
Also: Kate is super-Pretty but she’s had a lot of work done.
So how about that Keira Knightley?
*dives for cover*
As a Missourian, I’ve taken my fair share of shots at Arkansas over the years, including on this very site. Whether or not I continue is contingent on whether or not The Mrs and I have a good time in Eureka Springs next week.
(Yes, I’m kidding — it’s a GORGEOUS state, and as an outdoorsy/nature kind of guy, I really do enjoy heading down there. So I’ll refrain from the cracks from now on. Besides, y’all area probably going to replace Mizzblew in the Big 12 … maybe … perhaps … I hope.)
It should be noted that Florida is the only state in the country with it’s own tag on Fark. So not only does every other state have that going for ’em, but maybe every state-based cheap shot should be aimed there first—the place is so damn full of Teh Stoopid it’s a wonder it doesn’t sink into the Gulf and/or Atlantic.
Fair, I’ll give, but she can be as cruel as she wants with me.
Newsletter?
I agree with T&U about the difference from age. Some comedian in the 70s had a routine about this. You think about the girl you knew in junior high who developed first and you think “If only I knew then what I know now…” but if you did have that knowledge you’d be saying “Never mind these girls, I want a WOMAN.”
Agreed. Having teenage daughters kills the lust for the younger girls too.
Also: Kate is super-Pretty but she’s had a lot of work done.
I think that’s it. She just looks a little…generic to me.
y’all area probably going to replace Mizzblew in the Big 12 … maybe … perhaps … I hope
After I fucking leave here and have had to listen to asshole Mizzou fans for years.
It should be noted that Florida is the only state in the country with it’s own tag on Fark. So not only does every other state have that going for ‘em, but maybe every state-based cheap shot should be aimed there first—the place is so damn full of Teh Stoopid it’s a wonder it doesn’t sink into the Gulf and/or Atlantic
I’m not sure how Florida manages to escape the amount of deserved ridicule that the other Dixieland states routinely take and then invariably validate. Maybe Miami Vice upped their rep?
OT but fucking awesome: Steam for Mac installed like a dream. No more rebooting to get my fix of ultraviolence.
So how about that Keira Knightley?
She is an absolutely gorgeous woman. She just looks terribly frail to me, and I hope she’s taking care of herself.
She is an absolutely gorgeous woman. She just looks terribly frail to me, and I hope she’s taking care of herself.
She’s sinewy- I’d bet she’s in the bloom of health.
I also dug her anti-airbrushing stance- the whole idea that stick-thin women should have big boobs is pretty goddamn injurious to the body images of the young sheilas.
Keira is truly lovely. Amazing bone structure. I’m very opinionated about these things.
Oh, double bing-bang hell, WP is hating me!
Keira is truly lovely. Amazing bone structure. I’m very opinionated about these things.
I think she’s gorgeous too. Does anyone else thing Julia Stiles is gorgeous? Most people look at me like I’m insane when I say that. Loved her in the Bourne movies.
No. She’s ok…but beauty is subjective…so if u dig her, keep on diggin’ her. W
If that’s insane, I don’t want to be sane.
Since someone mentioned Jessica Simpson way upthread, let me say I don’t think she’s gorgeous, and it’s not a weight thing – her face is weird. Her little sister is a lot prettier than she is. YMMV of course, and who am I to talk.
Keira is truly lovely. Amazing bone structure.
You have a collection?
Comely as a I find her, my admiration has not crossed into that territory yet.
But if you want to ask me how my stalking of David Cross is coming…
Yeah these guys called E$ up a long time ago because they dug my nuanced pro-war stance before my nuanced anti-war stance before my new improved nuanced pro-war stance and they were all like “What what what WHAT E$ you wanna come work for us?” So I was like “Homey, please. You’re talking to E$ now and E$ only plays in the big leauges, not the bush leagues, yo. Call Yglesias.”
But if this thing pans out Rahm thinks maybe I should give them a chance, start winning over the hearts and minds, ya know? I’d have to take a look at compensation packages, wardrobe budgets and whatnot but at the end of the day E$ gotta get paid. I mean shit, the family trust gotta run out someday, ya know?
Just kiddin’ doggs. E$’s family trust ain’t never runnin’ out.
Hahahahahahahahaah…
That’s a good one.
Also, this ought to cure anybody’s remnant Emma-perviness.
I’d say he looks pretty damn good for 69, assuming that’s a recent pic.
I’d make him yell out OH GOD, that’s for sure.
But if you want to ask me how my stalking of David Cross is coming…
All I have to say is that I was far too excited when I learned that Paul F. Tompkins and I have the same birthday.
On the same note, and just so I don’t feel like a totally shallow douche, I have to say that while I tend to find people whom I wouldn’t break in half and are super-femme or super-rugged or super-androgynous attractive, pretty much any funny/smart/interesting person can be sexy to me. Especially if they’re kind of bookish-looking. Hence my love for Rachel Maddow, John Hodgman, and Colin Meloy. And E$, of course. (Okay, that’s a total lie).
Yeah, I find that smartness and cleverness work as aphrodisiacs for me. I mean, David Cross isn’t exactly a GQ model, but I would hit that so enthusiastically.
Since someone mentioned Jessica Simpson way upthread, let me say I don’t think she’s gorgeous, and it’s not a weight thing
She’s good-looking enough, but I can’t get past the dumb-as-a-rock issue.
I find it a decided improvement that the discussion has left boobies and pussies and that icky stuff but Hodgman? Cross? Puhleez girlz, if we’re talking about meat, let’s have some beefcake.
She’s good-looking enough, but I can’t get past the dumb-as-a-rock issue.
Will she be featured on “the list”?
Puhleez girlz, if we’re talking about meat, let’s have some beefcake.
Foghorn Leghorn is a fine figure of a
manchicken.Will she be featured on “the list”?
She does not meet either of the two main criteria. And that is meant as a compliment.
Something else completely comes to mind when I think of “chicken.”. And I’m not even a chickenhawk. Anymore.
Hodgman has a lot of charm, even if he is kinda podgy.
Then again, my idea of handsome runs to the Vincent Price/Christopher Lee spectrum, so YMM definitely V.
The internons is boring today. I had no choice but to put up a new “horrors of Hallmark” post at my joint.
Six months. I cant believe its this soon. Only six months until the socialist left suffers a humiliating defeat at the hands of American Patriots! Conservatives are are taking over the Republican party one primary at a time, and the American people now have a choice to cast their votes in favor of candidates that actually respect the Constitution and share their values.
The Democrats are gonna be booted out of Congress faster than a bat out of hell. All im gonna say about this is thank you Obama. Thank you for guaranteeing that the Democrats will be irrelevent for the next hundred years.
We were wondering where you trolls have been.
I speculated that perhaps you had been playing with the knives again.
Tedisco wiiiiiins…..
Nah, can’t get it up for trollery this evening.
Anyone got any etchings?
No, no, wait.
Ahem.
Is this thing on?
I mean, is The Great Liberal Freakout on?
American Eagle, I have a pair of your shoes. They have gotten me laid on several occasions. Thanx 4 hookin a brotha up, dawg!
500+th!
That seems like rather a facetious generaliza-
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT
… uhh, never mind.
You’d be surprised how many nude photos there are of a flat-chested British post-teen actress.
Yes, the retards over at /b seem to be obsessed with her, or so I’ve heard…
Also, this ought to cure anybody’s remnant Emma-perviness.
Wow, no wonder I think Richard Dawkins is damn sexy for an old guy. Here I thought it was just because I like guys with really big…
IQs… (Hah! PsychPR!)
…and he has cool hair. Turns out he has classic beautiful-people features, too. Who knew?
I kinda sorta almost think that makes Emma Watson attractive to me, but she’s really not my type. Richard Dawkins and David Tennant, can I get a witness?
The thing that gets me is the look in her eyes that just isn’t really looking at anything. Sort of like she’s crosseyed, but with the eyes pointing in the right direction. I don’t know how else to describe it. I’m sure it’s related to being dumb as a box of hair, but it’s the symptom that creeps me out the most, in a pod-people kind of way.
Oh, and the Watson-Dawkins pic is a photoshop. I just think it’s funny.
I think she’s too old for them now. Not sure who/what the replacement is.
Oooh! Oooh! Wait! I need to bookmark this!
We put the DUH in FloridUH! Just look at our politics: we make NY state look almost reasonable! We’re so corrupt we make Massachusetts look like the land of plain dealing! We smoke so much pot we make Californians look abstemious! We cook so much meth small towns in Nebraska want to be us! We gave the world the WORST rap artists and the UGLIEST fashions! Our trailer trash think being called a “redneck” means you’ve moved up in the world and we’re also the only place in the world where “Cracker” is the proud, proper name of an ethnic group, rather than a weak-sauce racial slur. Thanks to our bizarre laws, Florida is a magnet for criminals of all stripes–retired and still practicing. But we’re not all stupid as apparently our citizens managed to bilk Medicaid for over $1B. I call that smart.
The thing that gets me is the look in her eyes that just isn’t really looking at anything. Sort of like she’s crosseyed, but with the eyes pointing in the right direction. I don’t know how else to describe it. I’m sure it’s related to being dumb as a box of hair, but it’s the symptom that creeps me out the most, in a pod-people kind of way.
I think you may have hit on it. I thought it was the cleft chin (which I don’t much fancy) but there was something about the eyes … yes, yes, that’s exactly it.
Holy shit! Anyone see affirmative-action EEOC hire Paul Mirengoff (his dad worked there too) on Elena Kagan?
Shorter:
Jessica Simpson looks like a taller version of my sister-in-law with a cleft chin, so I would feel weird if I found her attractive.
Peej, he’s not really beefcakey, but Clive Owen is a long-time favorite of mine.
Anyone see affirmative-action EEOC hire Paul Mirengoff (his dad worked there too) on Elena Kagan?
This made me LOL: “The sloppy construction of this sentence reflects the incoherence of the sentiment it attempts to express.” Okay, duder.
Only six months until the socialist left suffers a humiliating defeat at the hands of American Patriots!
The left will beat itself?
You think about the girl you knew in junior high who developed first and you think “If only I knew then what I know now…”
The one I knew was a D cup on a 120lb frame. It would have been the best of both worlds.
Curiously, I met her last fall after forty-odd years. Damn, but she got ugly. I blame her strict Christian lifestyle.
Does anyone else thing Julia Stiles is gorgeous?
Her facial structure…she was hot in Ten Things I Hate About You, but then I’ve always been hard for women who can match me snark-for-snark.
Probably why I enjoy S,N! so much. Some of you are practically sirenic.
Peej, he’s not really beefcakey, but Clive Owen is a long-time favorite of mine.
Clive Owen? Not beefcakey?
Wow. Sin City, anyone? Or Children of Men? Dude’s a fucking testosterone factory.
Hell, even my frigid ex¹ was gaga over him.
.
.
.
¹I blame fast food. Had nothing to do with my prowess, no sirrreee!
Clive Owen? Not beefcakey?
Well, I mean, not, like, Gerard Butler beefcakey…
Okay, you’re right.
Sin City, anyone? Or Children of Men?
Rowr.
OK, so we have Gerard Butler, Clive Owen…who else?
I’m going to toss out a name that you might not expect: Denzel Washington.
OK, so we have Gerard Butler, Clive Owen…who else?
DANIEL CRAIG.
Denzel Washington is definitely hot, but I’m not as interested in him ever since I learned he’s basically an evangelical.
DANIEL CRAIG
Even I get it with Daniel Craig.
Does anyone else thing Julia Stiles is gorgeous?
Of that vintage of hollywood blondes (Reese Witherspoon, Kirsten Dunst, teevee Buffy, Kate Bosworth, &c.) – Julia Stiles turns my crank the most. Unless you extend the vintage back a few extra years and then it’s Charlize Theron.
Denzel Washington is definitely hot, but I’m not as interested in him ever since I learned he’s basically an evangelical.
So am I.
But here’s the thing: there’s good evangelicals (like me and Denzel, who’s given significant amounts of time and money to inner city poor) and there’s bad evangelicals. You have to start defining your characterizations more narrowly. 🙂
<i.But here’s the thing: there’s good evangelicals (like me and Denzel, who’s given significant amounts of time and money to inner city poor) and there’s bad evangelicals. You have to start defining your characterizations more narrowly. 🙂
You’re absolutely right. He is also a Republican, though. I should have just said that.
He is also a Republican, though
Nobody’s perfect.
Nobody’s perfect.
Hey, exactly. I’m just saying that’s why he’s really not that attractive to me, personally. He is a very good-looking man, though.
I’m not suggesting men you could date. I’m suggesting men who might, you know, start the engine running.
By the way, he never admitted to being Republican:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/denzel.asp
And it looks like Denzel supported Obama:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/11/denzel-washington-on-his_n_214641.html
I know! This is why I don’t find out about hot people’s personalities–it pretty much shuts off any physical interest I have in them. Something to do with my silly lady brain. But, prior to learning that about him, yeah.
Actually, I remember mentioning that I thought he was hot to one of my cousins when I was a teenager, and she said, “What? He’s black!” Yeah. I’m related to racists.
Okay, OKAY! I apologize for unjustly characterizing Denzel. I take it back!
Actually, reading that transcript of the Couric interview that set off the whole “Denzel is Republican” bullshit, it seems to me that he’s more firmly in Louis Farrakhan’s camp than anything else. He talks about not needing to see F9-11 because he’s an American, the descendant of slaves.
Meaning F9-11 isn’t going to teach him anything he doesn’t know about how the system here works. He sounds more pissed off at America than Michael Moore.
Now, Kelsey Grammer! There’s a Republican we can make fun of!
Actually, a friend of mine, Lydia Cornell, has vowed to try to turn him from the dark side.
I told her good luck, but she’s got it in her head and there’s just no persuading her. I’ve known her long enough to know better than to get in her face about it.
Tangentially related (Crimson Tide FTW!):
Mr. Mason said the presence of women on submarines would put an end to the kind of camaraderie “that involves close physical contact, like man hugs and bottom pats” that sailors use to cope with the pressure of extended deployments.
“Man hugs.” Heh.
Actually, a friend of mine, Lydia Cornell, has vowed to try to turn him from the dark side.
Yeah, I’m not holding my breath on that one.
“Man hugs.” Heh.
Don’t forget tickle fights and snorkeling.
Yeah, I’m not holding my breath on that one.
I told her I’d still love her even after she gets laughed off his TV network.
Hated Co-worker is talking about Dante’s “Inferno” again. WTF?
“I told her I’d still love her even after she gets laughed off his TV network.”
Those would be the only laughs on his TV network.
Wait. He has a TV network? WHYYYYYYYYYY? I think I’m perceptibly dumber having learned this.
Hated Co-worker is talking about Dante’s “Inferno” again. WTF?
There’s a great film version with James Cromwell as Virgil and Dermet Mulroney as Dante.
Wait. He has a TV network? WHYYYYYYYYYY?
He announced it a few days ago, that he’s creating a network to “offset MSNBC and the liberal media”. He already has a station in California (which is where Lydia lives) and wants to take it nationwide.
… let’s have some beefcake.
Ewan McGregor and Jude Law used to be roommates.
So that would be an episode of Law & Ewan?
There’s a great film version with James Cromwell as Virgil and Dermet Mulroney as Dante.
That looks awesome. I will check it out someday.
Ewan McGregor and Jude Law used to be roommates.
Aw, DKW, I told your mom that she made my morning, but I’m going to have to revise it, because now *you* have!
“Man hugs.” Heh.
To quote the dear departed Mr. Carlin, “As they say in the Navy, there is no wrong hole”.
He announced it a few days ago, that he’s creating a network to “offset MSNBC and the liberal media”. He already has a station in California (which is where Lydia lives) and wants to take it nationwide.
Yeah, that’s just what we need – another national network to make us dumber.
Yeah, that’s just what we need – another national network to make us dumber.
Right? Also, too, I thought that was what Fox was for?
He talks about not needing to see F9-11 because he’s an American, the descendant of slaves.
Meaning F9-11 isn’t going to teach him anything he doesn’t know about how the system here works. He sounds more pissed off at America than Michael Moore.
That seems to be only way to read it, Actor. He already knows how real life works. Only those that believe the American public mythos reflects reality would learn anything watching F9-11.
If it is Couric saying he’s a Republican, well, Katie Couric is a moran.
Yeah, that’s just what we need – another national network to make us dumber.
I think Rush and Fox have pretty well mined out the stupidium deposits. The network may do well, but it’s the same pool of viewers.
Hell, I believe that if all the nursing homes where they leave Fox on the hell of it would turn it off, the network’s ratings would drop 20% across the board, easy.
LilPig,
Couric wasn’t the one who said it. For some reason, a right wing email spam was sent out praising Washington. At least, that’s the sense I got from the Snopes article.
Somehow, I’m thinking they didn’t get it.
Hell, I believe that if all the nursing homes where they leave Fox on the hell of it would turn it off, the network’s ratings would drop 20% across the board, easy.
And they’d be able to release 30% of their “Alzheimer’s patients”.
Which is why that will never happen.
*sigh* I just told someone how to pronounce “Odierno” correctly. He said, “How did you figure that out?!”
Teh news. I watch it. Plus, it’s fucking pronounced the way it’s spelled.
Ewan McGregor and Jude Law used to be roommates.
I can’t imagine …. I don’t…
scuse me, brb
For PeeJ:
Don’t say I never did nothing for ya
Actually, maybe you’d prefer this one
That bohunk who tore Roger Ebert a new one the other day on Twitter?
Apologized.
Sort of
Man indicted over squiddy porn on his computer.
Somehow, I’m thinking they didn’t get it.
Really? Hm. Weird.
Man indicted over squiddy porn on his computer.
Shit!
**nukes hard drive**
**nukes hard drive**
Tentacles dangle, too.
That bohunk who tore Roger Ebert a new one the other day on Twitter?
Yeah, I saw that earlier.
I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but I always start off my apologies with: “I Don’t Like [person I offended] That Much.” It sets the tone for my later expressions of remorse.
Also: “When Caleb Howe isn’t raising hell on Twitter you can find his well-crafted and lyrical rants on Redstate.com.”
Delusional AND nasty!
Thanks to nym# for my new wallpaper.
Caleb Howe: st00pid™ or deranged? Discuss.
Caleb Howe: st00pid™ or deranged?
Yes.
I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but I always start off my apologies with: “I Don’t Like [person I offended] That Much.” It sets the tone for my later expressions of remorse.
Uh, remorse?
Where?
He admits he set out ahead of time to piss people off. He contacted Media Matters and basically told them to watch. He trapped people who responded and antagonized them so much that they lost their tempers with him, all so he could publish a blog post basically saying “See? It’s not just us who are raging and nasty!”
The closest he comes?
Not, “I made fun of a horrible and debilitating disease that has threatened someone whom I may not personally like, but I have to admit many people in my country do.”
Not, “I was an asshole, and I’m sorry.”
No. “I made a mistake.” Subtext here being “…and got caught.”
I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but I always start off my apologies with: “I Don’t Like [person I offended] That Much.” It sets the tone for my later expressions of remorse.
It’s also excuse making.
Reminds me of the Shorter Pontiff:
“We’re sorry that secularism and moral relativism caused one or two priests to take liberties with children.”
Uh, remorse?
Where?
That was my point…when you headline an “apology” with something that indicates you hate the person to whom you’re “apologizing,” I’m pretty sure that apology will be half-assed, at best.
I just told someone how to pronounce “Odierno” correctly.
Not to go all pedantic on you or anything (<== this phrase usually precedes pedantism of the worst order) but if you're talking about the general, it's spelled Ordierno. But I’m guessing you knew that, ’cause you’re pretty smart and all.
Alternate Shorter Caleb:
“I’m sorry that siskelebert guy is such a jerk that I gave him the whatfor and according to some went a little too far.”
..oh fuck, I’m totally wrong.
Not to go all pedantic on you or anything (<== this phrase usually precedes pedantism of the worst order)
Ha! My (thankfully) ex in-laws used to preface any assholish comment with “No offense but…”
It was irritating, although it did come to be a valuable tool for me. I knew exactly when to shut my ears and get an “Oh fuck you” locked and loaded.
Also, Howe talks about how other people are mean on Twitter, and specifically brings up Shoq. Now, I’m not really a huge fan of the guy, but I’ve never, ever seen him mock anyone for their illnesses. It’s that classic conservative sleight-of-hand of doing something obviously atrocious and then comparing it to something somewhat similar after getting called on it and saying, “See, they do it too!” So juvenile.
but if you’re talking about the general, it’s spelled Ordierno. But I’m guessing you knew that, ’cause you’re pretty smart and all.
Thanks! I did, but I can’t be perfect all the time…it is kind of embarrassing to do something like that when complaining about the ignorance of others!
..oh fuck, I’m totally wrong.
Ha! My (thankfully) ex in-laws never once uttered this phrase or anything like it.
..oh fuck, I’m totally wrong.
Well, now I’m even more embarrassed. I was like, “Oh, he’s totally right! There is an ‘r’ in there.” Why am I so easy to convince?
But yeah, I was right the first time.
Why am I so easy to convince?
Yeah, I just quoted myself.
It’s because you complimented my intelligence! Damn you!
And that’s another thing – Rock Hudson was so obviously hiding things in each and every one of his rolls. And Cary Grant, too. And that Randolph Scott; totally unbelievable.
Oh don’t get me started! Montgomery Clift was the worst. Except for Tab Hunter. And Farley Granger for heavens sake! What? Well, okay, Farley didn’t actually play straight roles. But if he had, he wouldn’t have been believable.
The Secret of the Buns.
fsck fsck fsck
It’s because you complimented my intelligence! Damn you!
Phase II: Build trust…
Li’l Debbie has uncovered a massive Sharia bikinis of mass destruction conspiracy- who do you have to blow to get some sheets around this place? And the Discount Viscount has officially been exempted from being called a “swivel-eyed maniac” and instead is now just a maniac (via Deltoid). Also.
Speaking of people making notpologies*, Göring the Great White Hunter has “apologized” for his “joke” about having a pogrom for leftists.
Shorter: “I’m sorry you fuckin’ liberal scumbags are too dumb to understand my rapier wit.”
*”Notpology” is © William Dembski, 2002
Speaking of people making notpologies*, Göring the Great White Hunter has “apologized” for his “joke” about having a pogrom for leftists.
“I intended to include the wording ‘we would use votes and not bullets’ (but) hit the share button by accident before I finished and decided to leave it, thinking it would not be taken in a literal sense. I’m sorry if I confused anyone.”
Jesus Christ, what a fucking asshole.
Actually, I remember mentioning that I thought he was hot to one of my cousins when I was a teenager, and she said, “What? He’s black!” Yeah. I’m related to racists.
I was amazed at the amazement I got 15 years ago when I said that I thought that the title of “Hollywood’s hottest F” was tied between Pfieffer and Bassett. Apparently, if you like a blond, you can’t like a black and vice versa.
In an attempt to provide shiny to distract y’all, tsam mentioned the fact that Spokane and its environs were stolen from the Indians (look up there ^^^). Thought it’d be mildly interesting to mention that my great-great grandparents (I think) took in one of the surviving children from the Whitman Massacre. He was one of the first circuit preachers (Methodist) in the Oregon Territory and his wife came out to join him shortly before the Massacre. The girl they took in later said they treated her like an indentured servant.
Yay for the missionaries.
O crap, now I went and killed the thread.
Ha! My (thankfully) ex in-laws used to preface any assholish comment with “No offense but…”
My personal favorite is “I know it’s none of my business, but…”
If you already know it’s none of your business howzabout keeping your lip zipped, mmkay?
O crap, now I went and killed the thread.
Thanks. Because otherwise it would be my inappropriate lust.
O crap, now I went and killed the thread.
Unfortunately, I have nothing interesting to say.
Since the lazy fucking hippies of SadlyNo! are being lazy and probably fucking some hippies here’s something shiny:
http://www.statesman.com/news/local/official-shots-fired-when-census-worker-visited-685522.html
Unfortunately, I have nothing interesting to say.
But I doooooooooooooooooooooN’T.
New threedle threshold of “meh” has been reached on this one.
Time for scurrilous rhymes then I think.
here’s something shiny:
Well, when a CNN commentator says he’ll pull out his wife’s shotgun at any census worker, it’s no wonder some random lady thought it was okay to shoot in that person’s direction.
Since the lazy fucking hippies of SadlyNo! are being lazy and probably fucking some hippies here’s something shiny:
Funny, I never got called for Census field work and was recently interviewed by a nice Little Old Lady
who took my job, bitchabout household size (“173,” I told her). She applied for the job like two years ago and did it back in 2000 as well. Fucking legacy hires.Time for scurrilous rhymes then I think.
Substance McGravitas
Said to R Bubba
“Don’t be grabbing my ass
Even though I call you lover.”
Unfortunately, I have nothing interesting to say.
That’s never stopped me. See above.
A soap-hating hippie called Looch
Had a weakness for powerful hooch
Once the spin hit his noggin
He thought he’d go doggin’
But just wound up screwing the pooch
N underscore B
Charged an extra-low fee
For fucking the basketball team
But nobody paid
They’d been getting laid
By his mom in a tub of whipped cream
Time for scurrilous rhymes then I think.
The denizens of Sadly, No!
Can thank a particular ho
DKW’s mom
Welcomes every Tom
Dick and Harry; but that’s a low blow.
He comes with gravitas, does the Subby,
Together, snark and rhyme doth rub, he.
But his past he holds near,
With considerable fear,
You’d learn he was once a Tele-tubbie
Why am I so easy to convince?
Etchings. Come see.
But here’s the thing: there’s good evangelicals (like me and Denzel, who’s given significant amounts of time and money to inner city poor) and there’s bad evangelicals.
Fred Clark (slacktivist.com) comes to mind as an example of the former.
N underscore B
HA! I have two underscores!
Hated Co-worker is talking about Dante’s “Inferno” again. WTF?
Could he be thinking about the video game?
There was a young lady named T&U
Who’s photo, we’re told, was a beyoot
She snarks all the day
While loving teh ghey
And only her hubs gets the fruit
“N underscore B
HA! I have two underscores!”
Yeah, but Nothing__But.
Scatting it up
With 2 girls and one cup
Comes the now-halitotic Whale Chowder.
Gross? If you will
But it’s not the dread chill
Of “Dragon-King’s mom? Yeah I plowed her.”
Where’s B^4? Dr. Cuddy is holding a live chat NOW on Brizzly.com
While loving teh ghey
And only her hubs gets the fruit
I see what I did there.
Where’s B^4? Dr. Cuddy is holding a live chat NOW on Brizzly.com
Out counting
headsnosesasses.There once was a gal from Mizzou
A librarian named T&U
She had her some charm
And her snark did no harm
And she maddened a-nym-two-one-two
Oh dear. Is he on the census array? I’ll be sure to ask Lisa to send a pic of me and her naked to him.
Fact: Taco Shells create half the methane of salads.
Fact: Cows’ farting is a huge cause of gas build-up.
Conclusion: Feeding Cows tacos will stop climate change.
Some pepto might help too.
Conclusion: Feeding Cows tacos will
stop climate changecause cow explosions.Fiqqst for awesomosity.
Chowder made from Whales
May make the taste buds fails
But it makes for delightful reading.
I see what I did there.
Aw, poor Gay Boy.
I am terrible at both rhyme and meter, which is funny, because I’ve taken a few poetry-writing classes. When we got to write free verse, it was a fucking relief.
Fact: Taco Shells create half the methane of salads.
I don’t……
what?
Fiqqst for awesomosity.
That’s abombinabull!
That’s abombinabull!
I totally know better than to click that link.
See? I’m learning!
I totally know better than to click that link.
You missed a doozy, and now you can’t claim your sparkle unicorn.
Now, THIS link, I would never encourage anyone to click, even if it’s pretty cool.
You missed a doozy, and now you can’t claim your sparkle unicorn.
That’s okay. I already have four, and they’re kind of a pain in the ass to take care of anyway.
Married women don;t need unicorns.
They may want them, but need…
Married women don;t need unicorns.
Aw, shit! No wonder I can’t give these asses away!
Married women don;t need unicorns.
My understanding is that unicorns want nothing to do with them, in any case.
Married women don;t need unicorns.
They may want them, but need…
It’s not a habit of mine to distinguish between these two things…
It would be nice if someone else would brush their manes every once in a while, though.
He was one of the first circuit preachers (Methodist) in the Oregon Territory and his wife came out to join him shortly before the Massacre. The girl they took in later said they treated her like an indentured servant.
Well, now that’s interesting. Did they stay in the area? The history of this area around Spokane (inside the Columbia River basin) is a pretty sordid and interesting read. For a long time, I thought my family went back that far out here, but later found that half came out with the mormons and headed North to Orofino, ID, and the other half emigrated from Germany in the very early 20th century.
Wow, how’s that for a pointless ramble?
BREAKING NEWS!
This just in….Mullah Omar remains uncaptured! I repeat, Mullah Omar remains uncaptured, despite American pantywaist bloggers’ best hopes!
Developing…
We haven’t had a 666 thread for awhile. Could today be the day?
My understanding is that unicorns want nothing to do with them, in any case.
A vicious lie spread by the Catholic Church.
I thought my family went back that far out here, but later found that half came out with the mormons and headed North to Orofino, ID, and the other half emigrated from Germany in the very early 20th century.
So that would make you either Germon or from Morany?
“When we got to write free verse, it was a fucking relief.”
When we got to write free verse
there was lifted a curse
and my sailor’s tongue was released
developing…………………..
Roses are read
Violets are blue
Free verse is not
A song by Lynard Skynard
So that would make you either Germon or from Morany?
An unhealthy mix of the two–self denial developing into a shameful love affair with intoxicants of any sort, mixed with designs on world domination–but really sucking at executing a plan. I can’t seem to stop picking fights with two guys at once. Someday…
There once was a bloke named Tsam
Rightwingers would he tslam
Not once lost for words
Of stories he’d heard
We rely on him for no tspam
There once was a bloke named Tsam
Rightwingers would he tslam
Not once lost for words
Of stories he’d heard
We rely on him for no tspam
Framing–hanging on the wall in my office!
Submitting for publication…
Roses are read
Braille readers are urged to used caution around the thorns.
At Sadly, No! there was Gavin
Whose posts we were always a havin’
His words were like honey
He’d earn his money
If shorter would be his jabbin’.
And then of course, there was TinTin
Who’s oeuvre was about sinnin’
Alkon and Althouse
Even Pamela’s titmouse
And all that’s just the beginnin’
Who’s oeuvre was *all about sinnin’
Frikkin’ metres…
Good grief:
Yeah, let’s save Blanche so she can shiv us again on some other important piece of Democratic legislation–assuming she can even beat her Republican challenger if she wins the primary.
let’s save Blanche so she can shiv us again on some other important piece of Democratic legislation
Hey, now that Lieberman’s an independent, we have to have some “moderate” douchebag’s ass to kiss.
My teams Sasquatch hunting expedition is set for mid June, so I will keep you posted. My own personal theory on the identification of Sasquatch, is that the species comprises a relict population of gigantopithecus blacki. This giant ape from the Pleistocene, believed by many paleontologists to have been bipedal, has a maximum adult height of over 10 feet and weighed upwards of 1200lbs, matching general descriptions of the Sasquatch.
It is also now believed that the gigantopithecus was an omnivore thus corresponding to reported Sasquatch behavior of the animals eating plant matter and also actively hunting prey.
And while we are talking about the subject, I have never had much luck with women, unfortunately. I was the only one of my friends without a girlfriend in high school. Lol. But think of the bright side, I had more time during my younger years to hunt cryptids.
MB,
I wrote about that yesterday.
We have to thank the Teabaggers for freeing the left to give up any illusions of cooperation.
Do douchebags have asses? I picture something more akin to a drainage plug.
N double-underscore B
No fool for the clicky link he
Is quick with a quip
And will happ’ly unzip
For KW’s mom; oh poor D
I had more time during my younger years to hunt cryptids.
Wouldn’t hookers have been cheaper?
Do douchebags have asses? I picture something more akin to a drainage plug.
Why do you have to be so literal, N__B?
Also, isn’t disclosure of this information by these yahoos likely to interfere with ongoing intelligence operations?
Don’t they know we are at war?
In 212 there was an actor,
Whose etchings played a large factor
In the spread of VD
Throughout NYC
No wait – YOUR MOM’S THE WHORE!
“Wouldn’t hookers have been cheaper?”
Lol. I love the sense of humor on this site. It is priceless. Hunting cryptids is not as expensive as you think, particularly during my younger years as a member of the “Rough Riders club” during my years at Theodore Roosevelt Junior High School in Illinois. Yes I was a cryptozoology nerd back then. But we would explore the swamplands of Southern Illinois, investigation reports of ape-like creatures in the dense-woodlands surrounding the swamps.
It was a wonderful time to be alive, and helped fuel that young adventurer’s life long passion for cryptozoology.
Oh very nicely played, DKW
Like your mom!
Martini?
my younger years as a member of the “Rough Riders club” during my years at Theodore Roosevelt Junior High School
This sounds really, really inappropriate.
particularly during my younger years as a member of the “Rough Riders club” during my years at Theodore Roosevelt Junior High School in Illinois
You got beat up a lot as a child, didn’t you?
Behold the razor’d wit of Actor212
Into the wingnut gutter oft would he delve
Their plots rent asunder
The dude brings the thunder
Beware strawmen, be tolls your death knell
meh. I kinda suck, but I humbly offer this…
Making headlines again
Elena Kagan
Is she gay?
We still don’t know when
Repubs will vote agin
Maybe someday?
Why do you have to be so literal, N__B?
Because being figurative makes it difficult to get drunk, unless you want someone to drink you.
The only kinder thing I’ve ever read about me was “Be right or be gone”. But my mom has a biased opinion.
Thanks, tsam.
Hey, look! White people are mad at the police!
Okay, so I should have looked at the slideshow…there are some black people there, too. But the fact remains that nobody really gave a shit until they shot some dude’s dogs.
The only kinder thing I’ve ever read about me was “Be right or be gone”. But my mom has a biased opinion.
I hope you didn’t take that music thread comment to be directed at you–that was at the jingoistic country song writers, not you. I mean be right in your activism or STFU.
Josh,
Where are you headed? You said Sasquatch which makes me think Pacific North-West, but if your working on a g. blacki theorem, wouldn’t South Asia make more sense? In that case, aren’t you really hunting Yeti?
aren’t you really hunting Yeti?
No, not Yeti. He said he wasn’t leaving until Junei.
I hope you didn’t take that music thread comment to be directed at you
Huh?
Why, um, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea…no.
Up in these parts, the folklore is all Sasquatch, a distant cousin of the Yeti. You want East Asia for Yeti. There’s a viral video of Sasquatch carrying a case of Kokanee out there, so now you know what to use for bait.
You said Sasquatch which makes me think Pacific North-West
Maybe he’s going to this.
If so, TAKE ME WITH YOU, JOSH!
*sniff*
the folklore is all Sasquatch
I dated one of them in my younger days.
Well, she was hairy enough. DFH!
Okay, I have to stop looking at that site, or I’m going to cry and/or charge a bunch of shit to my credit card.
You are right in stating Southeast Asia as a likely habitat for gigantopithecus, considering giganto fossils have been found there and no where else. However, the reason gigantopithecus fossils haven’t been found in North America is really quite simple, no one has been searching for them.
It is highly likely, indeed probable, that gigantopithecus crossed the land-bridge in the Bering Straight during the last Ice age. If gigantopithecus was a nomadic hunter, as Sasquatch is believed to be, then most likely gigantopithecus followed prey species across the Bering Straight when that region connected Asia to North America.
In my opinion, as is the opinion of many if not most cryptozoologists, the Yeti is one and the same species as Sasquatch, or perhaps a geographically distinct sub-species. The both share the same general description: large, bipedal primate, 6-10 feet in height, prominent sagital crest, hair covered expect on the face and chest area.
In fact their are many unknown hominids reported from every inhabited continent on earth going back many centuries.
Josh, there’s a liiiiiittle problem with Sasquatch/Yeti/Nessie theories…
Josh, the only problem with your Giganto theory is that the Sasquatch footprints discovered, such as they are, all point to a hominid. There wouldn’t be nearly enough time for an ape to develop flat feet in the 50,000 years since the land bridge last existed.
Since Gigan died out only 300,000 years ago, even that’s not anywhere near enough time for evolution to work its magic. Now factor in that the earliest hominids known to man are only 2.5 million years old, and you begin to see how unlikely it is that Gigan is Sasquatch.
Because being figurative makes it difficult to get drunk, unless you want someone to drink you.
HAH–
Veiled Swallowing Reference…
Sorry T&U, I couldn’t resist.
One of the few consolations I have about living in my wingnutty district is that I’ll be voting for Sestak next week.
It’s not that I want to primary every Dem who doesn’t toe the party line–one only need look at the GOP to see the horrors that lie down that road. But it’d be nice if we could at least have Democratic legislators who’ll at least stick with us on our top legislative priorities.
Isn’t that part of the ritual obeisance to Queen Snowe?
Aha! But then WHAT IS SASQUATCH? Answer me that!
I dated one of them in my younger days.
Mr. 212, how do you respond to allegations that you’re an “out and proud” thespian?
how do you respond to allegations that you’re an “out and proud” thespian?
I rehabilitated.
Josh, there’s a liiiiiittle problem with Sasquatch/Yeti/Nessie theories
Yes, and I would have gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for these meddling kids and that dog! Rassin frackin grrrrrr!
They are everywhere!.
WHAT IS SASQUATCH?
Simple.
It’s a festival in the Northwest.
(watching T&U whimper)
I saw this guy speak once. Most entertaining.
SASQUATCH
Simple Answers to Stupid Questions U Asked The Chief Harasser.
It’s a festival in the Northwest.
It’s like an indie rock/alternative comedy Woodstock! With more herpes!
*sob*
I mean, Josh, I’m on your side, even if I tease you a bit. Of all the cryptozoological myths out there, Sasquatch is in my opinion the most likely of the bunch.
After the giant killer squid but we’ve nearly proven its existence, I mean.
There’s enough credible eyewitness testimony out there that I won’t dismiss the creatures out of hand. It would be silly. That doesn’t mean I believe it exists, just that I wouldn’t be surprised if one day someone really did find one and bring it back to civlization.
But I’d still want to have scientists take a close look at the evidence when provided.
…the Yeti is one and the same species as Sasquatch, or perhaps a geographically distinct sub-species.
I agree, but using terminology local to the investigation theatre just makes sense. So, am I understanding correctly that the expedition is to somewhere in the US Pacific North West or Canadian West Coast?
I agree that the fact that no gigantopithecus fossils being found does not mean that there are none to be found – but it’s an interesting approach to be targetting an area that seems less likely for your quarry (as compared with Tibet, Nepal or possibly Bhutan the Thunder Dragon).
Josh, I’ve lived here all my life. North Central Washington is ground zero for Sasquatch hunters. In my 40 years, I’ve seen every bit of evidence debunked, and hundreds of expeditions come up empty handed. Your time might be better served hunting the Chupacabra–at least they live out in the open where they can be seen…
How can anyone take Josh St. Lawrence seriously when he thinks that the Montauk Monster was just a dead dog? The man knows nothing of cryptozoology.
Nor of nearby Plum Island, it would appear.
“Plum Island: It’s not just for Hannibal anymore”
I wouldn’t be surprised if one day someone really did find one and bring it back to civlization.
Waiting for the Mother Ship to pick you up and take you back to the home planet is no way to spend a life, Mr Sasquatch!
Or so I hear from a friend.
688–woot!
Letz get dis bitch up over 700. Come on now
wait–689. Shit, now it’s 690!
Lonely poster tsam had a dream
But the thread was fast losing its steam
“Seven hundred, let’s go!”
Sadly posters said no
Shiny thread has sent others upstream
I don’t post around here very much, but I’ll do my part: 692. Let’s see if anyone else is still interested in joining the 700 Clu….oops. Probably not if you put it that way.
By the way, tsam, my g-g-grandparents on that side of the family settled at Steptoe Butte (yes, that’s a real name, shut up!). My granddad moved into Pullman and ran the first bus line for the town. My dad went to Annapolis for two years, then had to move home to help with the business during the Depression (I’m the last of six. My mom really is 94. Dad’s gone.).
My mom’s family came across the country overland. Not exactly sure when but she tells the story of her grandma describing the trek: “Yes, I came across in a wagon train and I walked every goddamn step of the way!” Her family had a farm outside Pullman (her brother still lives in the homestead and runs the farm).
So yeah, native.
Also, too, my daughter participated in Thrill the World this year. She also (too) makes an impressive shambler.
This thread now stands at 694
And to you we implore
More
More
More
This thread cannot die
Until a seven we spy
So post till you fall to the floor.
OK I’ll go for 695
Anything to keep the thread alive.
And if you think my poem’s for hicks
Tell me so, on 696.
Yo yo yo, yo flo is so go
No shmo is your go
You got it werkin
From this Amerakin
We’ll make that big 7 0 0
Befo’ the day is done, yoooooooooooooooooo!
Wow–I know right where Steptoe Butte is. I used to hunt pheasant down there quite often. It’s a good sized butte sticking out of what looks like a Kansas field that stretches for miles. There’s an interesting story to how Steptoe Butte got it’s name–Colonel Steptoe
The oral history is that as this detachment retreated, they were slowed by artillery equipment, and ended up burying much of it. It is thought that there are still buried cannons out on those plains. How cool would it be to find one of those? I could put it on the deck of my apartment. Small world, huh?
Wow–I know right where Steptoe Butte is
heh heh heh…you said “butt”…heh heh heh.
Well it’s no White Butte, MT but it’s the next best thing, especially at closing time.
Hello, 699!
Hey, you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here
700! FTW!
stupid 701
heh heh heh…you said “butt”…heh heh heh.
I can FIND me some butte. There’s a town in Montana called Butte, which is ironic(?) because the middle of the town is a massive mining pit, rather than a butte…Hee hee–red states.
Well it’s no White Butte, MT but it’s the next best thing, especially at closing time.
**rolls up sleeve to accept well deserved “Ahem”**
rolls up sleeve…
Just bend over and grab yer ankles.
It is the best time to make some plans for the long run and it is time to be happy.
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