Astronomech Domenech
It has long been my position that those who repeat the old line about the pun being the lowest form of humor are not only incorrect, for the pun is not a form of humor but a mode of reasoning, but are creating a perfect setup for a fish down the pants or a donking with a mallet.
Above (top, bottom): Ben-Der, A Tale of the Christ
When last we caught up with conservatism’s trainwreckiest homeschooled boy genius named Ben — a title not won at a walk — the Talented Mr. Domenech, a 24-year-old think-tanker, former Bush administration and John Cornyn (R-TX) speechwriter, fired-in-disgrace Regnery book editor, peripatetic essayist, and RedState co-founder, had just been busted as a serial plagiarist and fired in disgrace after three days at WashingtonPost.com.
‘Ben Caught Stealing’ was the title of our first Domenech post during that affair, in 2006, and it inaugurated a long and artistically rewarding period of titles that blink cleverly atop quantities of hick wap all wadded up and thrown into a post, as continues to the present moment. So it’s a shame that something almost identical to the following title was used awhile back in celebration of the other, less fired-in-disgrace Ben, because it’s really kind of beautiful to contemplate:
Ben: “Gay”
A secession1 of Domenech post titles based on pop songs is banked for future need:
Ben Lonely Too Long
It’s Raining Ben
Ben
So that’s taken care of, at least. Let’s pick up where we left off in the previous post:
Howie Kurtz, The Washington Post:
White House complains about CBS News blog post saying that possible Supreme Court nominee is gay[…]
“…President Obama would “please” much of his base by picking the “first openly gay justice.” An administration official, who asked not to be identified discussing personal matters, said Kagan is not a lesbian.
An attempt to stir up gossip in the press about somebody’s sexual orientation, which is what this has been,2 is pretty much the definitive occasion on which to roll out a neither-confirm-nor-deny statement. So pardon me, but WTF?
CBS initially refused to pull the posting, prompting Anita Dunn, a former White House communications director who is working with the administration on the high court vacancy, to say: “The fact that they’ve chosen to become enablers of people posting lies on their site tells us where the journalistic standards of CBS are in 2010. She said the network was giving a platform to a blogger “with a history of plagiarism” who was “applying old stereotypes to single women with successful careers.”
Anita Dunn, meet your new fiancé, Phineas Toldem. You will marry and hyphenate.
Hoo-boy. Chom-chom, eatin’ the Chex Mix. Say, what’s that coming through that break in the trees?
Don Surber, the Charlotte (WV) Daily Mail:
Is gay a slur to Obama?
[Next: Don: Ho]
1 This authentic typo resolves to ‘succession,’ and suggests that Confederate History Month is sweeping us up, after all, in a Tarantella of enthusiasm. Seriously, if Sherman had his March, these Confederates should have their April.
2 Ambinder’s thesis is one of those asky ones made of questions that are respectable among academics, but that suggest of a top journalist, and especially a top political journalist — and capping that in a small, apical cone, a journalist of high overall Ambinderishness — that he is eager to write about something, yet not eager to leave jammy handprints on it. “Why is [Kagan] the subject of these rumors?” Ambinder explains. “Who’s behind them? And what do they tell us about politics?”
Well, as folks say in the 300-level seminars and the baccalaureate thesis papers, rumors are a story we tell ourselves about ourselves, Marc, and which in turn interrogate and inform our telling of them — for what indeed, we must ask ourselves, are the questions for whom these rumors themselves act as the questioners, and where within this act of acting do our them answers tell of kaboom head explode uh, jouissance, insert citation.
Jesus Penis: http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2010/04/religious-art-fail-ctd-1.html
Gavin, thank you ten thousand times for that title – I’ll go to sleep with that eerie guitar in my head tonight. 🙂 To say nothing of the fact that this scandal illuminates so many of the right wing nutcases’ hangups that it’s like a smorgasbord.
Gocart, that particular image of the Jesus Willie is far less suggestive than many others I’ve seen. In fact, it’s the first time I’ve been able to believe the “it’s a stomach!” defense.
It’s a hump song! It’s a sea shanty!
O.T but I simply must say that the lemon surber they served at the RNC after party last night was delightful. It cleansed the pallet magnificently.
Alison, get your non filthy mind into the gutter with the rest of us.
“If Sherman can have his March, it’s fair to give the Confederates their April.”
I am totally stealing that line Gavin.
Domenech walks it back at, of all places, HuffPo. You might say that when it comes to outing lesbians, Ben wobbles.
It’s a hump song! It’s a sea shanty!
It’s a floor wax and a dessert topping.
So, according to Gay Patriot (and I’m so glad he’s a happy man, one hates to see unhappy patriots everywhere), the AP isn’t following grammatical best practice?
D’oh! I made an error. There’s only following the practice or not! I should have said: grammatical better practice!
.
Thinking Domenech-tricks might be suitable punography for a lesbo-innuendo story.
Ben Down So Long it Looks Like Up to Me.
If your music war with Atrios is ready for a new front, here you go.
Ben Down So Long it Looks Like Up to Me.
Trifecta: veiled Viagra reference, chap shot at short people, and one of the most annoying novels of all time.
Ben Ten: Permanent Retirement.
BENis.
Trial balloon floated, snagged on power lines. Balloon holder electrocuted.
No wonder they chose someone disposable.
Ben wobbles
The driven snow calling the whipped cream white.
Make that the Charleston Daily Mail, not “Charlotte”, which is in VA.
I used to deliver that paper, way back when I was a lad in Charleston WV.
Stairway To Heaben.
“…President Obama would “please” much of his base by picking the “first openly gay justice.
It would be refreshing after all of the closeted judges Republicans have appointed.
President Obama would “please” much of his base
Further Big Black PENIS reference?
Sumpben goin’ wrong around here.
Have y’all seen Assrocket’s latest crack-foolery? He opines the mugging of a Jindal staffer in New Orleans was orchestrated by the Democratic Party. Seriously.
This whole thing came about because Yahoo News isn’t liberal and their dumbass reporter decided to quote a lying conservative blogger not the New Orleans Police Dept. about the attack. I wasn’t there so far be it from me to say what happened, but I will say I’m getting a little tired of wingnuts describing the attack as “savage” and “vicious”; if you look at a picture of the two victims taken right after the incident, it seems “help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” is a more appropriate caption than “OMG I’ve been attacked by a mob of lefties.” Just sayin’.
I still don’t know why Yahoo! News’ Brett Michael Dykes called a conservative blogger to comment on the incident not, you know, a police spokesman.
*tap tap tap*
This thing on?
Well hot damn my last bloviating didn’t post. Dag nabbit.
Just check out Assrocket’s assinine column today and if anyone needs background on the whole affair I did a post on it over the weekend.
Domenech walks it back
If anyone out there was so thin-skinned and wrong-headed to be offended by my innocent, well-meaning speculation, then I apologize.
What, huh?
There goes the productivity — you’ve got me onto the Pink Floyd before I really had a chance to make a day out of my day off.
Also, big points for “Ben Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me”.
Why is it, no matter how many years have gone by, I still think of this kid as being 23 years old? Is it because he’s only a little younger than I am and I want to pretend like I’m in my mid-twenties?
Or is it because he’s a dweeby, petulant virgin with the emotional maturity of 15-year-old World of Warcraft geek?
I’m leaning toward the latter…
Also, why is it that I always get Marc Ambinder confused with Dave Weigel? Makes no sense, and it’s pretty fucking unfair to Dave.
I sneakily changed it during a typo hunt just now, which is a bad habit that I’m still trying to quit, alas.
…And might have messed it up in the bargain. Does it still work the way it is now?
Does it still work the way it is now?
Honestly? I think I like the original better. Something about the succinctness of it and March and April being in order.
“Tarantella of enthusiasm” is pretty great, too.
Domenechi nechi nech
Excuse me, but Domenech writing about Kagan’s supposed lesbianism simply cries out for the heading “Ben: HER??????”
Dear Ben,
Please reconcile:
I included it as a political positive, describing it as a “Plus” that “would please much of Obama’s base.”
With:
Look, it’s 2010 — no one should care if a nominee to any position is gay.
And then maybe you’ll get some insight as to why you’re a plagiaristic doosh.
Ben Down So Long it Looks Like Up to Me.
Trifecta: veiled Viagra reference, chap shot at short people, and one of the most annoying novels of all time.
Yea, but the Jeff Beck song is kewl!
T&U, just for you: http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/30318.html#comment-1057478
Yea, but the Jeff Beck song is kewl!
Don’t know it. You may commence flaming me.
*sigh*
You young’uns:
With Arms Wide Oh Ben.
Six Bens None The Richer.
T&U, just for you: http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/30318.html#comment-1057478
Only 20%?!
Since You’ve Ben Gone.
Domenecho Wafers if we are punning about food.
It’s all about the Benjamins if we are are punning about music.
Tied to the whipben post.
Ben TobyMac
Shill Ben Coming Around the Mountain
Correlates with the number of non-librarians who’ve done it in the stacks.
I’ve Ben Working on the Failroad
Ben is Puerto Rican? Who knew?
Correlates with the number of non-librarians who’ve done it in the stacks.
Still vastly smaller than the number of non-librarian creepy dudes who have jerked it in the stacks.
Ben’d in the Clowns.
I’ve Ben Working on the Failroad
*polite golf clap*
Very nicely played, my dear.
Martini?
Only 20%?!
Correlates with the number of non-librarians who’ve done it in the stacks.
We need a Venn diagram. 20% here and 20% of the population are wingnuts. Mendel sez that 4% of librarians are wingnuts with stack sex, but I find that unlikely.
Ben’d Me, Fake Me.
non-librarian creepy dudes who have jerked it in the stacks.
But…but…the Hardy Boys are so wholesome!
Mendel sez that 4% of librarians are wingnuts with stack sex, but I find that unlikely.
Male librarians? Especially if you include non-human sex partners and inanimate objects.
Martini?
Why, thank you. My first of the morning!
Jump Ben Jack Flash
We need a Venn diagram. 20% here and 20% of the population are wingnuts. Mendel sez that 4% of librarians are wingnuts with stack sex, but I find that unlikely.
Oh, please. There’s no such thing as a wingnut librarian. They’re weeded out during the grad school application process, doncha know?
Audio Adrena-Ben
Rely-Ben K
Sev-Benth Day Slumber
WarBen Barf-ield Ben Ben Ben
In case you’re wondering if I’m a Christian Rock fanatic,
I am– I’m just pulling names off of the Guitar Praise song list.There’s no such thing as a wingnut librarian. They’re weeded out during the grad school application process, doncha know?
I assume that some percentage f w-nuts are too stupid to understand that “librarian” is not shorthand for “libertarian” and get on the wrong line.
There’s no such thing as a wingnut librarian.
Someone does Jonah Goldberg’s
endoscopiesresearch!Speaking of which, among the many people Ben D stole from was a surprising name: Jonah Goldberg.
Male librarians? Especially if you include non-human sex partners and inanimate objects.
Non-human sex partners that aren’t inanimate objects? You know that they generally don’t let animals and/or sex robots into the library, right? First of all, we librarians have a lot of allergies, and second of all, sex robots fuck up books’ RFID chips.
We need a Venn diagram.
Shoutout for Steve Ben-en of Wash Monthly:
Oh, darling, please believe me, I won’t do you no harm…Ben! Ben! Ben!
(weet pologees to der Svedesh Chef)
You know that they generally don’t let animals and/or sex robots into the library, right?
I was thinking keyholes, knotholes, and blow up rubber dolls.
Shoutout for Steve Ben-en of Wash Monthly:
Genius.
I was thinking keyholes, knotholes, and blow up rubber dolls.
Oh. And of course, those BenD straws that Sarah Palin prefers.
Domenech The Donkey
Ben in the Course of Hu-Ben E-Bens, it beDomenechessary to dissolve the political Bens…
I assume that some percentage f w-nuts are too stupid to understand that “librarian” is not shorthand for “libertarian” and get on the wrong line.
Maybe, but I’m sure they run away once they see all the queers and the uppity women, not to mention the professors who take it as a given that all their students will be at least slightly left-of-center. Also, too, the ALA Bill of Rights, which may be among the most “leftist” professional organization documents in the history of the US.
It Must’ve Ben Smug? (There has to be a better version of this. Someone think of it!)
One Night in Ben Cock
Um, ew. Sorry.
Oh. And of course, those BenD straws that Sarah Palin prefers.
Oh, gross. I’m not even going to think about the mechanics of that, even if it is impossible…
One Night in Ben Cock
Thanks for ruining my entire day.
Detachable BENIS?
Then there’s Freda Payne’s classic “Ben of D’Oh!”
It’s Generation Domeneccccch!
My gift to Gavin:
Domenech Errato, Mr Roboto.
BENtonite…has been prescribed as a bulk laxative…
He just smiled and gave me a Bentonite sandwich and said, Do you come from the place down under?
Used in wine, and it has been prescribed as a bulk laxative
That’s my excuse next time I get drunk in an Italian restaurant and crap my pants: Ben did it.
Nobody’s mentioned Ben?
Nobody’s mentioned Ben?
Gavin mentioned the MJ song, which is still really weird to me.
That’s my excuse next time I get drunk in an Italian restaurant and crap my pants: Ben did it.
“Next time”?
Nobody’s mentioned Ben?
Gavin beat us all to that. Well, sort of.
That’s my excuse next time I get drunk in an Italian restaurant and crap my pants: Ben did it.
“Next time”?
Last time I blamed it on the calamari not being quite dead yet.
“Next time”?
DON’T JUDGE ME!
DON’T JUDGE ME!
Not judging. Just curious how many times a grown man could poop his pants in an Italian restaurant, is all. Did you know that 20% of librarians have pooped their pants in the stacks?
DON’T JUDGE ME!
Too late.
Just curious how many times a grown man could poop his pants in an Italian restaurant, is all.
Ish a frennlee ressraunt, Mmmmmmm*hic*-Kay?
Did you know that 20% of librarians have pooped their pants in the stacks?
How interesting that the number hews so closely the percentage that have popped their pants in the stacks.
Comment from HuffPo article linked by DKW:
It does matter <em(if a supreme court justice is gay), because we in the US do not want gay marriage. We are a Judeo-Christian nation, and we have a decline in population,. What better way to destroy the US than to spend to break the Treasury, and promote gay marriage to diminish the existing population? Seems like part of the international banker plan.
Asshole.
What better way to destroy the US than to spend to break the Treasury, and promote gay marriage to diminish the existing population? Seems like part of the international banker plan.
Dennis Prager? Is that you?
Ben Gay: he’s hot
Littelbita tag FAIL for your Monday morning pleasure.
Comment should have been italicized, bold parenthetical statement added by me, and the “Asshole” editorial comment is also mine.
Also, Ben is a douchebague.
Ben Gay: he’s icy hot
Fizzaxed.
Not judging. Just curious how many times a grown man could poop his pants in an Italian restaurant, is all. Did you know that 20% of librarians have pooped their pants in the stacks?
Did you know that 67% of all statistics were made up on the spot?
we have a decline in population
Asshole. (Not you TSAM.) The US population is set to increase by 100 million by 2060. The only thing that’s declining is the percentage that is “white.”
The only thing that’s declining is the percentage that is “white.”
Don’ blame *hic* ME! I’m workin’ it ash hard as I cannnnnnnnn*snorrrrrrrrrrre*
Domenech or Astrodomenech?
Don’ blame *hic* ME! I’m workin’ it ash hard as I cannnnnnnnn*snorrrrrrrrrrre*
You’d have more success if you crapped your pants less frequently.
Domenech or Astrodomenech?
Ben or Benda?
How interesting that the number hews so closely the percentage that have popped their pants in the stacks.
I don’t know if there is any crossover, but they really should put port-a-potties in the stacks. Librarians are busy people
Additionally, I am a fucking liar. I guess somebody has to be a “librarian” at Liberty “University.”
I guess somebody has to be a “librarian” at Liberty “University.”
Why The students are illiterate, so they’d never know the difference if there were no libertrarian.
I sold that question mark on the black question market.
You’d have more success if you crapped your pants less frequently.
STOP JUDGING ME!
Better than “Don: Wan”. I guess. Sigh.
Why The students are illiterate, so they’d never know the difference if there were no libertrarian.
Yes, but they wouldn’t get any strawbraries, so they’d ask questions.
The students are illiterate, so they’d never know the difference if there were no libertrarian.
Somebody has to keep the shelves of Bibles and Left Behind paperbacks neat and tidy, even if no one ever reads them.
No shit. Besides, the entire premise of the argument is so fucking lame. An international banker would want the population to explode…more people competing for fewer jobs, driving down wages, creating lots of disaffected dumbshits who say things like “gay marriage will reduce the population”. This guy is exactly what those plutocrats want. So congratulations, you tool. I guess thinking is still theft.
Somebody has to keep the shelves of Bibles and Left Behind paperbacks neat and tidy, even if no one ever reads them.
Where do they get shelved? In the libertary they don’t have no truck with centrally planned book catalogues.
Where do they get shelved? In the libertary they don’t have no truck with centrally planned book catalogues.
The bibles are in Ready Reference, and the Left Behind books are shelved in the Kirk Cameron Reading Room.
It takes some kind of asshole to go “we’re a Judeo-Christian nation” and then begin conspiracy theorizing about the plots of the “international bankers”.
Where do they get shelved? In the libertary they don’t have no truck with centrally planned book catalogues.
Indeed!
It’d be SO MUCH MORE EFFICIENT to insititute a privatized distributed whotsis type system where the patrons themselves shelve their books. It’d be in their enlightened self-interest to put them back right, after all.
Nope, can’t see how that’d fail.
It’d be in their enlightened self-interest to put them back right, after all.
Best of all, there’s already available evidence on hand. Why, just look at grocery stores, and how no one would imagine to just leave a fully-stacked shopping cart full of groceries sitting someplace, ice cream melting, meat and beer defrosting, produce rotting…
Unimaginable.
Bibles in Ready Reference–hahahahahahahahahahahahaHA HA HA!
Hoo boy, I crack myself up. *wipes tear*
Next up: jokes about WorldCAT subheadings…
It takes some kind of asshole to go “we’re a Judeo-Christian nation” and then begin conspiracy theorizing about the plots of the “international bankers”.
The Islamofascist is the Jew of International Bankery.
Best of all, there’s already available evidence on hand. Why, just look at grocery stores, and how no one would imagine to just leave a fully-stacked shopping cart full of groceries sitting someplace, ice cream melting, meat and beer defrosting, produce rotting…
Oh, the memories of working at Wal-Mart.
Wheeeeee!
(Though I must admit I never found said shopping cart full of groceries, but I did find all kinds of disgustingness I have blocked from memory.)
Next up: jokes about WorldCAT subheadings…
Smooth. SILCy smooth…
I did find all kinds of disgustingness I have blocked from memory
Looo*hic*k, esh ri’ nesht to th’ Talian ressraunt and STOP JUD*hic*DGING ME!
A christian library wouldn’t need very many shelves, that’s for sure.
Plus there would be some awesome bonfires every night.
(Though I must admit I never found said shopping cart full of groceries, but I did find all kinds of disgustingness I have blocked from memory.)
I was a janitor for one of those stores. I have seen the true face of individual responsibility. It is an ugly and cruel monster, something which puts actor’s fecal fixation to shame.
Looo*hic*k, esh ri’ nesht to th’ Talian ressraunt and STOP JUD*hic*DGING ME!
Yes.
Toy department.
*eccccchhhh*
I still hope hope hope hope hope it wasn’t what I thought it was.
I was a janitor for one of those stores.
I’m sorry.
Still have flashbacks? I know I do…
Still have flashbacks? I know I do…
Sometimes. Luckily, I’m very accomplished at repressing/banishing memories. So in the end, I have about four years that I can’t really account for what I was doing with my time.
It’s just that sometimes, late at night, I wake up screaming and in a cold sweat, with my last recollection being about to open the public restroom in the store…
*shudder*
Would you like to buy tickets to the deer and the antelope play?
Holy box turtles, the Photoshop implications are staggering…
I still hope hope hope hope hope it wasn’t what I thought it was.
Wasshit red? Cuz I been habbing plummen prollums…
The revelation that librarians, like just about anyone else who works anywhere where there aren’t security cameras covering every square foot (and a few who do work at places that are closely monitored), occasionally have sex at their workplace is about as astonishing a revelation as wingnuts using fear of teh ghey to mobilize their base.
Judge not this race by it’s remains.
wingnuts using fear of teh ghey to mobilize their base.
Heh–I love that this idiot picked a fight with Rachel. He entered a battle of the wits, half armed. He will be pwned like the little twunt that he is.
oh shitz0rz. Comma abuse.
Have only skimmed the 100+ posts (Jeebus you guys you take all the easy jokes before I’m even up in the morning) but this:
disturbs me. Wouldn’t you think an “openly gay” person would, um, admit to being gay? How could you please your base with a gay justice who won’t come out of the closet? The logic FAIL in the whole premise of this mess just boggles my mind.
Also, found on the back page of the weekly: Domenech-trix seeks sub. Don’t bother bringing a douchebag, I’ll have mine.
Judge not this race by its remains.
How did it get on the ceiling, though? How?
Please reconcile:
I included it as a political positive, describing it as a “Plus” that “would please much of Obama’s base.”
With:
Look, it’s 2010 — no one should care if a nominee to any position is gay.
And which of “helping Obama” or “nobody cares” was his motivator for publishing hearsay?
My husband was a librarian. I changed his answer.
No one suggested Ben: Dover?
Have only skimmed the 100+ posts (Jeebus you guys you take all the easy jokes before I’m even up in the morning) but this:
easy jokes are the shop-windows of Liberal Fascism.
#
tigris said,
April 19, 2010 at 18:50 (kill)
No one suggested Ben: Dover?
no one wanted to.
I love the fallacious statement that Obama’s “base” would be pleased with the nomination of an openly gay justice. More projection. Sorry, losers, but the left want a justice who’s not a right wing hack. Aside from that, nobody (with any brains, anyway) gives a shit about the race, gender or sexual orientation of the nominee. That’s the right that gets all butthurt and scared of people who aren’t rich white protestant males.
Wow, Katie Couric and Ben Caught Stealin’.
CBS’s standards are really sky high, eh?
No one suggested Ben: Dover?
No, but I almost posted “BenD: Over”
Wow, Katie Couric and Ben Caught Stealin’.
CBS’s standards are really sky high, eh?
Ben looks better in garters.
“BenD and the Jets”?
Eh…
Don Surber (unfortunately) writes for the “Charleston” WV daily mail, although Charlotte is a nice town. Maybe they’ll take him from ua? (oh please oh please oh please…)
I have to say, reading the archive of Ben’s WaPo blog is a thing of beauty to behold. Just look at the post titles in chronological order:
About
Pachyderms in the Mist: Red America and the MSM
Whiny? Crazy? You Just Might Be A Conservative
Comments About Comments
Sackcloth and Ashes: What’s Wrong With Infanticide?
Attempted Child Murder on our Side of the Pond
Two Quick Notes
Ben Domenech Resigns
It’s like some kind of victory haiku. His meta:content ratio of the world’s fastest blog flameout was 1:1. Even in just four posts of actual content he managed to whine about liberal academia, the media, and government murdering babies twice. It really is a complete set. Each post is somehow now enjoyable because you now have the luxury of knowing what happens. I can understand why the Greeks liked to know the plots of their plays in advance.