Too big to FAIL?

Is there anything in the mango basket about how before being pope he was the guy ultimately in charge of internal investigations?

*sigh*

Okay, I’m getting out of the boat for this one. If I don’t come back in ten, N__B gets my plant.

If I don’t come back in ten, N__B gets my plant.

Marry-gee-juana? Cement mixing? Hidden spy in the Cubs dugout?

Meh. This comment was pretty bizarre and maybe slightly Freudian, though:

“I wonder when or how this issue will penetrate the culture in movies and songs. Perhaps the next ‘Saw’ installment will be about a group of rapist priests and their apologists and defenders, on holiday in Eastern Europe to hunt for young boys, but they get captured by the owner of the castle and …”

can’t do anything to discipline pedophile priests

Unless they ask him nicely and bring the you know what.

Marry-gee-juana? Cement mixing? Hidden spy in the Cubs dugout?

Sorry, nothing that cool. Just a half-dead ivy-looking thing.

I agree with Rod. Just think of the paperwork involved for the poor pope, trying to stop all these priests! What a nightmare for the Vatican!

Yeah, it’s not like Paparatzo could, say, order the Cardinal to go fugitive promote an official to the Vatican just before that official was to testify in court.

The abuse cases they are un-tally-able.
But Rod says the church is infallible.
Don’t be a dope,
And lay blame on the Pope.
Blame the kids! They’re all just too malleable!

Maybe Ratzo’s a big-picture policy-type guy who can’t be dealing with fiddly little local problems like this,

You know, fiddly local problems like condoms and birth control and homosexuality and all that.

Maybe Ratzo’s a big-picture policy-type guy who can’t be dealing with fiddly little local problems like this,

You know, fiddly local problems like condoms and birth control and homosexuality and all that.

Or a fiddly problem like fiddling about.

I thought the po(0)p was teh desider…? No?

I heard the Inquistion was really just a clerical error, too!

PENIS.

But…but….but the Popo has the Ruby Red Slippers of Power! He can do anything!

I heard the Inquistion was really just a clerical error, too!

So were the expulsions and exterminations of the Jews. They got roaches and Jews mixed up on the paperwork.

“Let’s face it. You can’t Torquemada anything!”

I heard the Inquistion was really just a clerical error, too!

Ha! But don’t you mean “clerical era?”

Okay, I’m getting out of the boat for this one. If I don’t come back in ten, N__B gets my plant.

SAVE YOURSELF: get a dwarf mango tree.

OK, look. There are over 400,000 Catholic priests on the planet. Do you know how many priests are on the staff of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which has oversight in these matters? Something like 40.

And slut-shaming* just eats** up soooo much of their time, it’s too hard*** to attend to other matters.

* limited to girl sluts who like grown men.
** Oh yeah, it really does. Mm-hmm.
*** It is. So very hard.

“Let’s face it. You can’t Torquemada anything!”

Oh, ow.

Fish, bird and tea puns not enough for ya? This chapel stoop to the lowest,I tell you.

In 2006, the Vatican recommended that the priest simply be monitored, a document shows. An attorney for the Holy See said in a statement that the Vatican had recommended that the priest be defrocked, but that canon law specifies that the decision rests with the local bishop. The bishop in India sentenced the priest to a year of prayer in a monastery rather than seeking his removal from the priesthood, according to documents and interviews

An attorney for the Holy See? Can’t he See that he Jesus is his lawyer who built his hotrod? Also? Canon law > rape.

Ratzo is, after all, not even a name-level cleric yet.

I mean, where’s his stronghold that he built and cleared all the monsters from around?

I bet he can’t even cast Flame Strike.

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

So is Dreher’s I Scream saying that the Catholic Church is to big to flail?

Fish, bird and tea puns not enough for ya? This chapel stoop to the lowest,I tell you.

HA–nice on topic pun there…

I have to give credit to the great Mel Brooks for that one. History of the World Pt 1.

Good thing they had such relaxed standards for ACORN. You know, just because some kids made up a fake video in which they claimed low level ACORN employees somehow acted imperfectly in response to these weird young white kids’ questions, it was no reason NOT TO KILL KILL KILL THEM KILL THE ACORN KILL THEM ALL.

This chapel stoop to the lowest,I tell you.

You nave. You deserve a kick in the apse for that.

So is Dreher’s I Scream saying that the Catholic Church is to big to flail?

Too big to mace, even.

Church puns are the last refuge of the nave.

FY, actor212, just….FY.

Again? Good lord, y’all.

FY, actor212, just….FY.

teehee!

Again? Good lord, y’all.

That’s very rood.

Nun of this pun stuff, please.

Nun of this pun stuff, please.

Icon stop myself anytime.

Not to be a sensor or anything.

Not to be a sensor or anything

Then you need to altar your suspicions.

I got another one!
…
…
Wafer it.

…

I should get paid for these. Send some money to my Papal account, ‘K?

I’m just going to cloister myself until this all stops.

You nave. You deserve a kick in the apse for that.

That’s a chancel have to take.

Oh, Brother.

I’m incensed about all these puns.

You deserve a kick in the apse for that.

Censership!

Hah! If you think I’m getting out of the boat this time, you’re a nutter!

You guys are making me cross.

Punning like this is a Cardinal sin.

Something smells in here. There’s a pew in the rectory.

Ark an stop any time too.

And by the way, choir there so many one line posts in this thread?

I know; you’re all playing with your organ, aren’t you?

Punning like this is a Cardinal sin.

Sorry. I needed a lay.

I’m not trying to let the Vatican off the hook here, but I am trying to understand how difficult it is for the CDF to do proper oversight with such paltry resources.

The poverty of the Vatican is the problem.

I know; you’re all playing with your organ, aren’t you?

Nuns give me a collection.

It’s a habit and stop wimpling.

And by the way, choir there so many one line posts in this thread?

It’s a Mystery.

Sorry. I needed a lay.

Sin’c when?

Sin’c when?

Savior self the trouble.

Something smells in here. There’s a pew in the rectory.

Well, if you’d gargoyle once in a while…

Pains in the buttress, all y’all.

Here’s what the pope could do. Send the Swiss Guard, of which he is the nominal commander, to arrest the rapists, no matter which diocese they happen to have run to, then turn them over to the secular authority for trial.

The 400,000 thing is a smokescreen. Since, as we are often reminded, most priests do not molest children, there aren’t that many to arrest.

He’s right, incidentally, that molesting children is a moral failing. It is also A FUCKING CRIME. As I have pointed out before, when I was a kid we were taught that if you commit a sin that is also a crime, the FIRST THING YOU DO to show contrition is tell the cops you did it. Then you can ask for absolution. I don’t see why rapist priests can’t be held to the same standard as eight-year-olds who steal Gummi Bears.

Sorry if I’m being rood.

Savior self the trouble.

You sound cross.

Lurking Canadian said,
April 7, 2010 at 19:56

Dreher’s columns accept comments without registration.

You might want to ask him this.

Savior self the trouble.
You sound cross.

I have painful rector itch.

(yes I know, rectorY was used…this is the rector)

Lurking Canadian,

But that would require them to dooooo soooooooommmething. That’s, like, really exhausting and soooo moot at this point. I mean, how can you arrest people when it’s teh gay’s fault anyway?

No no, Father! “Spare the rod and spoil the child” does NOT mean it’s OK!

Pains in the buttress, all y’all.

Is that like we’re noodges or like having sextant or twelve times?

Pains in the buttress, all y’all.

Oh, be Nicene!

Savior self the trouble.
You sound cross.

i'm washing my hands of this nonsense.

I have painful rector itch.

The sexton in the youthful rector was what started all this. Anyhoo, hope you’re still ambulatory.

/tag/ i’m it/

A FUCKING CRIME

Literal *and* figurative. It’s two! two! two thoughts in one!

teh gay’s fault anyway

Maybe they could arrest secularism (such as it exists within a church) and moral relativism.

I very much like the accusation of moral relativism while they’re braying donkey in chief is trying to say that because some of these children were pubescent, you can’t call this pedophilia. It’s all black and white until you’re the finger is pointed back at you, right?

i’m washing my hands of this nonsense.

What is this? Talk like a Pilate day?

I mitre known it would degenerate into puns…

No, Father, you were needed in the rectory. Rect-o-ry. I know the first syllable is the same, but we needed you to come to the rectory…

Send the Swiss Guard, of which he is the nominal commander, to arrest the rapists, no matter which diocese they happen to have run to, then turn them over to the secular authority for trial.

I want to see the Swiss Guard rendition using transportation from the same era as their uniforms and pikes. Priests tied up and slung over the back end of a horse…

I don’t see why rapist priests can’t be held to the same standard as eight-year-olds who steal Gummi Bears.

And now I’m going to spend the rest of the day picturing a priest raping a gummi bear.

The sexton in the youthful rector was what started all this. Anyhoo, hope you’re still ambulatory.

Don’t use that atone with me! I may not be able to walk easily, but my canticles are still firm, and I bet I could compete in a decalogue!

And don’t make me bring up….Creed.

I mitre known it would degenerate into puns…

We like to dispensate with serious talk and get onto the fun stuff.

Maybe they could arrest secularism

They really should. Look at America, The Christian Nation(tm). Now, with all this “progress” and “actually caring for others” and “not allowing those in power abuse said power”, you can really see how secularism need to throw in the clink for a few years. But not the perpetrators. A new parish will set ’em straight(?).

I mitre known it would degenerate into puns…

I’d say they crypt up on us, but it saint necessarily so.

And now I’m going to spend the rest of the day picturing a priest raping a gummi bear.

A human-sized gummi bear, or just the normal size?

OK, look. There are over 400,000 Catholic priests on the planet. Do you know how many priests are on the staff of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which has oversight in these matters? Something like 40.

So, the fact that they don’t have nearly enough oversight manpower should absolve them of the duty of oversight?

Didn’t we just go through eight years of bullshit like this?

Talk like a Pilate day?

ARRRR you happy to flay me?

well, personally, I’m incenced..

And don’t make me bring up….Creed.

Parish the thought!

(Have we done this one yet? Can’t believe we haven’t…)

Parish the thought!

(Have we done this one yet? Can’t believe we haven’t…)

I figured we’d give that one a Messiah.

I may not be able to walk easily, but my canticles are still firm, and I bet I could compete in a decalogue!

That’s such a clerestory one might even call it transparent, you old relic.

Parish the thought!

I figured we’d give that one a Messiah.

I’m going to guess that one flew pastor eyes…

My socks are holy! My toes stick out.

That’s such a clerestory one might even call it transparent, you old relic.

1) Get called names
2) Preach of repentance and forgiveness
3) ???
4) PROPHET!

My socks are holy! My toes stick out.

Rapture feet in swaddling.

Rapture feet in swaddling.

I’ve been saved!

A human-sized gummi bear, or just the normal size?

There are sizes other than human-sized?

These puns are too loud! Vesper them.

Can’t be arsed reading the whole thread – too big an in-vestment of time.

I’m calling bull. Papal need to avoid the stigmata of unredeemable puns.

I’m frankincensed that it’s gone this far.

Although the lengths y’all will go to for a little myrrh has created some real comedy gold.

HA! Manger look!

I’m calling bull. Papal need to avoid the stigmata of unredeemable puns.

Unredeemable?! These puns are infallible.

There are sizes other than human-sized?

Of course! I deify you to tell me otherwise.

Whale Chowder said,
April 7, 2010 at 20:17

Well. Played.

Of course! I deify you to tell me otherwise.

I won’t Lent that one go.

I won’t Lent that one go.

And this is a Revelation?

And this is a Revelation?

No, just the Genesis.

You people resurrect these jokes and make me laff.

Mary me, all of you!

I won’t Lent that one go.

Oh, give it up.

Mary me, all of you!

Which Mary? I hear Magdelena’s hot stuff.

Oh, give it up.

Do you have a thorn in your side?

i hope this doesn’t send anyone into an apocalyptic rage. Caanan we all just get along?

Oh, give it up.

Show me demon-ay

The poverty of the Vatican is the problem.

*pffft* Well, what are they supposed to do?

Ask their attendees for money or something?

Show me demon-ay

?

Say, what do you folks this of this whole Tom Coburn v. FOX News kerfuffle?

Normally, a Republican asking FOX news to tone it down is a little like, I don’t know, a Gruppenfuhrer petitioning Hitler for a bar mitzvah, but this is Senator Dr Tom “Let me sterilize you, honey” Coburn….

Ask their attendees for money or something?

Hold a bingo game?

Show me demon-ay

Rebecca?

Ask their attendees for money or something?

Horde cash in Roma?

This thread is going to stigmata-ize me, I just know it.

Rebecca?

Mo’ Mornay! Mo’ Mornay! (slightly NSFW)

Ask their attendees for money or something?

“This congregation has a lot of young boys in it. I’d hate to see something happen to them. We will now pass the collection plates”

Say, what do you folks this of this whole Tom Coburn v. FOX News kerfuffle?

I don’t know. I half-believe that he said it because he knows that things are getting heated and he wants to distance himself from any violence that could occur, the crazy fuck.

This thread is going to stigmata-ize me, I just know it.

That’s the crux of the problem.

I half-believe that he said it

There’s tape.

I must confess, this is a great thread.

I’m not trying to let the Vatican off the hook here, but I am trying to understand how difficult it is for the CDF to do proper oversight with such paltry resources.
– – – – – – – – –
The poverty of the Vatican is the problem.

The problem is that the Catholic Church is a brand new start-up enterprise that just hasn’t had time to organize itself yet.

That and the fact that no priest has ever engaged in any sort of sexual misconduct before, so they could never have foreseen such a thing.

Show me demon-ay

Don’t you mean “show me de Molay“?

Don’t you mean “show me de Molay“?

As Pilate asked, “What is toof?”

I half-believe that he said it

There’s tape.

No need to be a benedict, geez! Let me put it another way…I think maybe he said it because he’s trying to distance himself from any violence that might occur.

I very much like the accusation of moral relativism while they’re braying donkey in chief is trying to say that because some of these children were pubescent, you can’t call this pedophilia. It’s all black and white until you’re the finger is pointed back at you, right?

I still don’t get how Donahue could think that “priests don’t just rape kids, they also rape women on their deathbeds” was such a clever defense.

The problem is that the Catholic Church is a brand new start-up enterprise that just hasn’t had time to organize itself yet.

Like Bush & 9/11, they need a certain short “settling-in” time before they’re actually responsible for anything.

Say, about 1000 years or so.

The children seduced the priests! Like that poor priest in Wisconsin who was systematically violated by 200 kids.

http://www.typicallyspanish.com/news/publish/article_14332.shtml

‘There are 13 year old adolescents who are under age and who are perfectly in agreement with, and what’s more wanting it, and if you are careless they will even provoke you’, [the Bishop of Tenerife] said.

I’m calling bull. Papal need to avoid the stigmata of unredeemable puns.

Puns are an indulgence, but I agree we’ve had plenary.

And who knew it was a crime to rape kids, anyway?

http://www.jsonline.com/features/religion/45191277.html

“We all considered sexual abuse of minors as a moral evil, but had no understanding of its criminal nature,” [Miliwaukee Archbishop] Weakland says in the book, “A Pilgrim in a Pilgrim Church,” due out in June.

I still don’t get how Donahue could think that “priests don’t just rape kids, they also rape women on their deathbeds” was such a clever defense.

Y’know, I’m kind of glad the victim-blaming brigade is out in full force for this one. It reveals what monsters they truly are. I am sorry if anyone who has been abused in the past is further traumatized by this shit, though.

‘There are 13 year old adolescents who are under age and who are perfectly in agreement with, and what’s more wanting it, and if you are careless they will even provoke you’, [the Bishop of Tenerife] said.

That’s slightly unfair. Spain’s age of consent is 13. In fact, the Vatican’s is 12.

And people are just pretending to care about the kids. It’s really about Benedict:

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/apr/05/pope-benedicts-critics-dont-care-about-kids/

The assault on Benedict last week had nothing to do with the protection of children and everything to do with the liberal elite’s hatred for his orthodoxy.

The children seduced the priests!

Little sluts!

Like that poor priest in Wisconsin who was systematically violated by 200 kids.

The deaf kids couldn’t hear him say “NO” so it’s pretty much rape.

I agree we’ve had plenary

Indeed. I think I need a two-week salvation.

Spain’s age of consent is 13. In fact, the Vatican’s is 12.

And isn’t Donohue’s ~10?

And people are just pretending to care about the kids. It’s really about Benedict:

Man, patriarchy will say some mean and downright dishonest shit when it feels its power slipping.

And isn’t Donohue’s ~10?

We talking age or IQ?

Like Bush & 9/11, they need a certain short “settling-in” time before they’re actually responsible for anything.

Say, about 1000 years or so.

That is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of the child raping through Benedict VIII

“We all considered sexual abuse of minors as a moral evil, but had no understanding of its criminal nature,”

Jesus H. These people excommunicate women for getting perfectly legal abortions, but child rape is just this thing, y’know? And bullshit most of them even thought of it as a moral evil, except in the mildest way possible.

“That’s slightly unfair. Spain’s age of consent is 13. In fact, the Vatican’s is 12.”

Except he’s not talking about age of consent, he’s talking about children allegedly seducing (“provoking”) adults, and he describes them as “under age.”

RobNYNY1957 said,

April 7, 2010 at 20:43

N… F… W…

Fuck the Chewbacca defense. They’ve gone full Steve Martin on us.

Or, as has been said before,
Nobody could have forseen the breaching of the Levis.

And isn’t Donohue’s ~10?

We talking age or IQ?

Sperm count.

Nobody could have forseen the breaching of the Levis.

STOP MAKING FUN OF T-

oh, wait. Wrong Palin.

@Tigris — but you’re forgetting one important thing: men are doing “it”…so it’s totally cool. And honestly, it’s not like the kids could hear “it”.

liberal elite’s hatred for his orthodoxy

Not me, he goose-steps like the best of ’em.

Except he’s not talking about age of consent, he’s talking about children allegedly seducing (“provoking”) adults, and he describes them as “under age.”

Which is why I said “slightly unfair”.

This is why the Vatican had this disconnect on pedophilia, at least partly why: we in the US have a higher threshold for what constitutes a child than most Roman Catholic countries. When a 16 year old comes forward and complains, to an Italian or a German, it’s not a big deal: it’s a behavioral issue.

A 16 year old is presumed to be mature enough to be able to refuse advances, and is presumed to have given consent, unless actual rape can be shown.

Now, that doesn’t excuse their inaction. The rule of thumb should have been “is it illegal in the country it took place?”

But by viewing it as a behavioral issue rather than a legal one, they put themselves in hot water. Moving a priest makes sense if he’s fucking every housewife in the parish. Moving a priest when he’s breaking the law is not a solution.

I wondered earlier this decade why it was only American kids who reported getting raped, which is why I looked into the whole age of consent issue. Once I looked at that, I realized it was only a matter of time before reports would start to spring up from other countries.

Nobody could have forseen the breaching of the Levis

*polite golf clap*

Very well played.

Martini?

The Church, just like Goldman Sachs, is sorry but doesn’t think it did anything wrong. I used that excuse a lot…when I was 4.

Except he’s not talking about age of consent, he’s talking about children allegedly seducing (“provoking”) adults, and he describes them as “under age.”

Bullshit, but even if that were ever to happen isn’t the adult supposed to be the one with SOME ability to exercise judgment and self-control? There’s just no way to blame these victims, but damn it all if that walking prolapsed anus isn’t going to try.

Apart from hard limits on the age of consent, countries have laws addressing seduction of youngun’s over the age of consent, like Spain. So an adult having sex with a 15-year-old can certainly be arrested.

Are these bellinis with mango nectar instead of peach nectar? Why yes, thank you.

he’s talking about children allegedly seducing (“provoking”) adults

Well of course, the little sluts were asking for it what with the short pants and little frilly dresses and such, and that smooth, smooth skin and the baby fat and the wide, innocent eyes….sigh.

Soooo dreamy. How could a poor, innocent priest resist?

So an adult having sex with a 15-year-old can certainly be arrested.

Sure, except in the case of a priest, when it comes down to her (or his) word against a priest and a priest is part of the nationally-recognized religion, there ain’t gonna be an arrest.

Bullshit, but even if that were ever to happen isn’t the adult supposed to be the one with SOME ability to exercise judgment and self-control?

Exactly. It’s more transparent blame-the-victim handwaving bullshit. Even if I did believe that these kids were “seducing” priests, priests are supposed to be, like, holy and shit, and furthermore, they have a LOT more power than some horny 14-year-old kid.

“Apart from hard limits on the age of consent, countries have laws addressing seduction of youngun’s over the age of consent, like Spain. So an adult having sex with a 15-year-old can certainly be arrested.”

Apparently in Spain the age of consent goes to 16 if the adult uses “deception,” and in the Vatican to 15 if the adult is in a position of trust. More I don’t know.

And even if it’s not criminal, you might just think it is bad PR to permit such things on a widespread basis.

And even if it’s not criminal, you might just think it is bad PR to permit such things on a widespread basis.

If most of your congregation (I mean the Church as a whole) gets married and has a brood by age eighteen…

As a priest, it’s not so bad to rape and sexually violate a child once it has developed pubescent secondary sexual characteristics. It’s in the Bible, after all.

It’s in the Bible, after all.

So’s getting your dad drunk so you and sis can have a threesome with him to get yourselves preggers.

And people are just pretending to care about the kids. It’s really about Benedict:

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/apr/05/pope-benedicts-critics-dont-care-about-kids/

Who turns orphans over to homosexual couples at adoption agencies? Who sends Planned Parenthood propagandists into schools? Who clears the streets of major cities for “gay-pride” parades with the North American Man/Boy Love Association in tow? It is the liberal elite who champion these child-corrupting practices. And wasn’t it just last year that these enlightened protectors of children assembled at the golden coffin of Michael Jackson to pay their last respects? Where was the outrage about child corruption then?

*gulps gin*
*looks rapidly to the left and right, sweating profusely and puffing absent-mindedly on a cigarrette*

Is everyone forgetting that these sonsabitches take a vow of chastity? If they’re going to go all “we didn’t know it was a crime,” well, it’s against your (non)fucking VOWS… Shit.

Who turns orphans over to homosexual couples at adoption agencies? Who sends Planned Parenthood propagandists into schools? Who clears the streets of major cities for “gay-pride” parades with the North American Man/Boy Love Association in tow? It is the liberal elite who champion these child-corrupting practices. And wasn’t it just last year that these enlightened protectors of children assembled at the golden coffin of Michael Jackson to pay their last respects? Where was the outrage about child corruption then?

tHE sTONE cUTTERS!

“The Church, just like Goldman Sachs, is sorry but doesn’t think it did anything wrong. I used that excuse a lot…when I was 4.”

It’s not that they’re saying they didn’t do anything wrong – they’re just trying to change the subject. In a nutshell, “yes yes of course there was dirty work on our part, but the REAL story here is that we’re being victimized by a vast anti-Catholic conspiracy whose purpose is to destroy the church, so this isn’t about a few children anymore it’s about our survival and you can’t side with the anti-Catholics on this because…” It’s the same thing the military did after the Abu Ghraib pictures made it into the public eye.

And the correct response is “stop trying to change the subject, you did wrong, could you please finally fucking admit it, remedy it and then move on. You covered up and ignored repeat offender pedophiles in parishes all around the world. The fact that there may be a few anti-Catholic kooks among your critics doesn’t change that, and trying to change the subject constantly instead of taking responsibility for once in your lives just makes them look right.”

Is everyone forgetting that these sonsabitches take a vow of chastity?

I’m not. The difficulty with this scandal is you can argue it from at least two sides (and be right on both). But the “vows” thing is something the church should handle from within.

That’s why I used the example of moving a priest who was fucking every housewife in his parish as a legitimate way of handling him, but not a good way of handling a crime.

Who clears the streets of major cities for “gay-pride” parades with the North American Man/Boy Love Association in tow?

That really is no way to refer to the St Patrick’s Day parade! Or the local clergy!

And even if it’s not criminal, you might just think it is bad PR to permit such things on a widespread basis.

Well, that only goes as far as establishing that any sex is rape. Even if the age limits in the locale are met, the sex could still be forced. I find it a little hard to believe that lots of boys aged 10-16 want to have sex with a priest. Maybe by about 15 I wanted to have sex with a girl, but at that age, anyone older than about 17 was “old”.

All of it is really dodging the issue. They knew that such harassment (or rape) was against the law of the country where the priest was serving. They had an obligation to turn the priest in to the police.

But yeah, I can’t see this really helping church attendance with the young parent crowd.

It is the liberal elite who champion these child-corrupting practices.

Ahhh, the “liberal elite.” God bless that ever-present Emmanuel Goldstein. If it didn’t exist, we’d have to invent it, because if it didn’t exist, the conservative coalition would fly apart and tear itself to shreds within weeks.

Come to think of it, maybe they did invent it. No matter.

And wasn’t it just last year that these enlightened protectors of children assembled at the golden coffin of Michael Jackson to pay their last respects? Where was the outrage about child corruption then?

All over the fucking place, in case you didn’t notice, and it came from quite a few liberals as well. The nice thing with having such a vague and straw man enemy as “the liberal elite” is that you can essentially accuse it of having done anything without really backing up your assertion. Was the “liberal elite” assembled at the coffin of Michael Jackson? Well, of course they were, that’s the kind of thing they’d do. We conservatives know this because we’re the ones who made them up.

And people are just pretending to care about the kids. It’s really about Benedict:

Words fail me. Is it possible to outfit a kraken with brass knuckles? I don’t think that the cockpunching alpaca is sufficient punishment for Nuemayr.

Ped, you missed a follow up paragraph:

The National Catholic Reporter, the flagship publication of dissenting Catholicism, which has joined the secularist posse hunting down Benedict, calls for a stern and unsparing investigation of him. This is the same publication that publishes the homilies of Bishop Thomas Gumbleton, one of which stated in 2002, at the height of the abuse scandal in America, that the “zero-tolerance” policy shouldn’t apply to priests attracted to children above the age of puberty. “I do not support the ‘zero tolerance’ approach in every instance,” he sniffed.

Now, it seems to me, if you’re going to flag a publication as “dissenting,” then the last piece of evidence you want to use is a paragraph where it apologizes the behavior currently in question.

Isn’t it more likely, Neumayr, that the National Catholic Reporter simply got fed up with what the rest of the world is only just finding out, and that you are in deep, deep denial about?

For god’s sake, stop the puns! (That counts, rite?)

something the church should handle from within

Well, they’re obviously doing jack shit about it from the inside, so I’m all for hurling any brickbats I can get my hands on at the hypocritical motherfuckers. (Who knows, they may do that too for all I know…) [snarl]

I think they’re trying to cover up an even more insidious issue — if they actually start to crack down on boy-rape, their main recruiting incentive for new priests goes right out the cumstained-glass window. Where else is a priest s’posed to get some hot action? in public, from consenting adults? Sheesh, as if. Where’s the fun in that?

Get thee to a punnery, already.

Where else is a priest s’posed to get some hot action? in public, from consenting adults?

Y’know, the confessional door closes…

… hot action? in public, from consenting adults? Sheesh, as if. Where’s the fun in that?

Depends on just how public it is. Or so I have heard.

Get thee to a punnery, already.

Or penisery, as the case may be.

Depends on just how public it is. Or so I have heard.

*GLARING*

You gave a blood oath, need I remind you…

Y’know, the confessional door closes…

Not being Catholic, I never noticed that confessionals have glory-holes.
You learn something new every day.

Not being Catholic, I never noticed that confessionals have glory-holes.

Glory being, of course, defined strictly as: “praise, worship, and thanksgiving offered to God” like the dictionary says.

*cough* *cough* Of course. *hrmm* *cough*

thanksgiving offered to God

Is that a euphemism for oral sex?

Now that I think about it, a cockpunching Hecatonchires would probably work better.

I don’t think that the cockpunching alpaca is sufficient punishment for Nuemayr.

A whole treeful of cockpunching gorillas is not enough.

thanksgiving offered to God

Is that a euphemism for oral sex?

Somebody’s bird gets stuffed.

Now that I think about it, a cockpunching Hecatonchires would probably work better.

A hundred hands for cockpunching is nice, but fifty heads might be too much temptation for a priest.

Well of course, the little sluts were asking for it what with the short pants and little frilly dresses and such, and that smooth, smooth skin and the baby fat and the wide, innocent eyes….sigh.

Soooo dreamy. How could a poor, innocent priest resist?

Wagging its tail and “acting sexy.”

It’s a shame that kids don’t have meaner teeth.

Y’know, the confessional door closes…

I hear the good ones have removable screens.

Nobody could have forseen the breaching of the Levis

Man, this is full of win!

okay, fywp

Wagging its tail and “acting sexy.”

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/apr/05/pope-benedicts-critics-dont-care-about-kids/

Ye gods.

Who turns orphans over to homosexual couples at adoption agencies? Who sends Planned Parenthood propagandists into schools? Who clears the streets of major cities for “gay-pride” parades with the North American Man/Boy Love Association in tow? It is the liberal elite who champion these child-corrupting practices.

I deny that the first two are “child-corrupting practices,” the third is two things conflated as if they are one, one of which is non-corrupting and one of which is non-liberal because WE UNDERSTAND WHAT CONSENT MEANS YOU FUCKING MORON. And yeah, “dissenting Catholics” are your folks, if they’re all in NAMBLA meeting with your priests that’s your bag.

The three stooges – Maureen Dowd, Christopher Hitchens and Andrew Sullivan – are casting lots for his robe

Betrayed, just like Jesus?

So why is Benedict held to a higher standard than John Paul II?

Maybe because JP’s dead? Hell, man, why hold anybody in the hierarchy to any sort of standard? You hold YOURSELVES up as arbiters of all that is good, moral, decent, etc, and present your church as THE gateway to God(hence the high standards, idiot), and yet the sinful world is just supposed to shrug and look the other way, or better yet accept the blame, when you excuse sin so vile it’s not even accepted by those you consider utterly depraved reprobates? Yeah, good luck with that little project.

I’m glad the punning is done. I’d been fed so many, I was getting Vatican.

I Opus Dei doesn’t bring me any more.

Hee hee the Dies Irae just came on the radio. God is PISSED, mofos!

So why is Benedict held to a higher standard than John Paul II?

Probably because JP2 wasn’t in the MOTHERFUCKING HITLER YOUTH.

From Martian Buddy’s link:

Penis-mad Dutch bomb the Christian rubble

What a headline- it reminds me of “Frog blast the vent core!”

In recent weeks, as visitors passed the peaceful cloister leading to the museum’s entrance, they were struck by a three-meter, or nine-foot, white polyester phallus.

Best… sentence… EVAR!!!!

LOOKOUT! Nine-foot polyester dickslap!

You hold YOURSELVES up as arbiters of all that is good, moral, decent, etc, and present your church as THE gateway to God

…and they say it’s OK so therefore, it is.

Q to the E to the muthafuckin’ D, bitzes

Probably because JP2 wasn’t in the MOTHERFUCKING HITLER YOUTH.

Also, he didn’t look like Emperor Palpatine.

I guess that no one was responsible for the Titanic hitting the iceberg, either; it was so big that all they could do was aim it in the general direction of North America and turn on the engines.

So why is Benedict held to a higher standard than John Paul II?

Um, cuz, JP2 appointed someone to investigate the matter and take action to prevent it from happening again?

Some German cardinal, Ratpooper, something like that…

I guess that no one was responsible for the Titanic hitting the iceberg, either

Look, GDBat, the Titanic was TOO BIG TO FAIL, a’ight???

I guess that no one was responsible for the Titanic hitting the iceberg, either; it was so big that all they could do was aim it in the general direction of North America and turn on the engines.

It was the Titanic‘s fault- if it hadn’t shown off those smokestacks so coquettishly, that iceberg wouldn’t have tried to mount it.

In recent weeks, as visitors passed the peaceful cloister leading to the museum’s entrance, they were struck by a three-meter, or nine-foot, white polyester phallus.

Hey! Junkpuncho needed a practice dummy!

Yay, the dong link posted after all! I thought WP ated it.

(The link, that is, not the penis–although I have heard stories….)

It was the Titanic’s fault- if it hadn’t shown off those smokestacks so coquettishly, that iceberg wouldn’t have tried to mount it.</i<

For.
The.
Win.

It was the Titanic’s fault- if it hadn’t shown off those smokestacks so coquettishly, that iceberg wouldn’t have tried to mount it.

Lulz.

Fuck me, how I’d miss this at the Hecatonchires link?

Briareus as the “sea-goat” Aegaeon

Odd. In his capacity as head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, then-Cardinal Ratzinger personally had time to censor, supress and excommunicate individual priests advocating liberation theology. I’m surprised he didn’t have time to personally deal with a few kiddie-diddlers as well. Oh, well. Priorities, I guess.

Oh, well. Priorities, I guess.

Children should be obscene and not heard.

Well of course he had his priorities. Encouraging rich people and organizations to share the wealth is not going to go over big with the owners of some of the most expensive buildings chock full of the most expensive treasures in history.

Priorities, I guess.

Bingo. If those liberation-preaching priests had just shut up and raped a few kids, they’d still have their comfy positions in the priesthood. After all, one has to align themselves with the corporate hierarchy to get ahead, right?

It was the Titanic’s fault- if it hadn’t shown off those smokestacks so coquettishly, that iceberg wouldn’t have tried to mount it.

Wasn’t the Titanic a quadrapenis?

Odd. In his capacity as head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, then-Cardinal Ratzinger personally had time to censor, supress and excommunicate individual priests advocating liberation theology. I’m surprised he didn’t have time to personally deal with a few kiddie-diddlers as well. Oh, well. Priorities, I guess.

This infuriates a lot of people in Latin America to no end, and also largely explains why evangelical Protestant churches have been growing steadily in a lot of these countries.

Ironically, the Vatican hasn’t learned from its mistakes. I remember reading up on the Pope’s tour of Latin America back in 2007, and the central theme of his speeches was to convince Catholics to remain Catholic and not give in to “sects” (read evangelical Protestants) that had been gaining ground on that part of the world. It still hasn’t occurred to them that if the Vatican bothered to spend a little more time and political capital talking about and trying to remedy the gigantic social problems their parishioners face in Latin America, a lot less of them would get disillusioned and leave the Church.

Odd. In his capacity as head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, then-Cardinal Ratzinger personally had time to censor, supress and excommunicate individual priests advocating liberation theology. I’m surprised he didn’t have time to personally deal with a few kiddie-diddlers as well. Oh, well. Priorities, I guess.

Lovely. But pointing that out makes you a child-corrupter who hates the holy mother church for NO REASON.

If those liberation-preaching priests had just shut up and raped a few kids, they’d still have their comfy positions in the priesthood.

This is starting to look like God’s own truth. My gob is seriously smacked.

“i don’t know, bill – ever since i started raping children, the old transubstatiation doesn’t do it for me anymore”

“here, jim – try one of mine! they’re new and improved – now with remission of sin™”

Ironically, the Vatican hasn’t learned from its mistakes.

How many years was Galileo persona non grata again?

“sects”

just think of all the puns i’ve saved you from right here

just think of all the puns i’ve saved you from right here

Are you calling us trans-sect-uals?

The Vatican fires back at critics:

PEW PEW PEW

The only significant additions to the game’s engine were the Jjaro ship, multiple paths between levels, a new rapid-fire weapon that could be used underwater, and vacuum-enabled humans carrying fusion weapons (called “Vacuum Bobs” or “VacBobs”). The player traverses multiple timelines, attempting to find one in which the W’rkncacnter is not freed.

Between this and “Frog blast the vent core!” I may have a new FPS to search out.

*grrrrrrrr* You guys, makin’ me do this! Blah!

Between this and “Frog blast the vent core!” I may have a new FPS to search out.

You mean an old FPS to search out.

As a Geek-American, you also owe it to yourself to check out the Myth franchise of tactical games, also by Bungie (although the games could be seen as hateful to members of the Zombie-American community).

“sects”

just think of all the puns i’ve saved you from right here

And here I am all ready to talk about the catechismic sects scandal rocking the church.

And yes: “If that confessional rockin’, don’t you come knockin!”

You mean an old FPS to search out.

“New” as in “This is new to me why the hell didn’t anyone tell me about this I don’t know if this is totally bizarre or totally awesome but I must see it for myself” kind of thing.

Like some people would react to the aforementioned 9′ tall plastic wingie.

catechismic sects

all this talk of sects is giving me a chiliasm

And

Bachmann-Palin Overdrive.

They’re getting the band back together!

Aleph One (formerly known as the Marathon Open Source Project) is a free and open-source first-person shooter engine based on the source code of Bungie Studios’ Marathon 2: Durandal.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

and it’s for Linux, too!

i is a heppy heppy “kat”

In recent weeks, as visitors passed the peaceful cloister leading to the museum’s entrance, they were struck by a three-meter, or nine-foot, white polyester phallus.

For God’s sake, somebody put a veil on that reference!

Pere, see if you can find Myth: The Fallen Lords and Myth 2: Soulblighter– Myth 2 gave rise to a really extensive modding community, and plentiful fan-made material was available- (plus, molotov-throwing dwarfs, man!).

molotov-throwing

i’ve seen a desoto throw a rod, but i’ve never seen anybody pitch an entire commissar

i’ve seen a desoto throw a rod, but i’ve never seen anybody pitch an entire commissar

Putin was certainly capable of it
.

I still don’t get how Donahue could think that “priests don’t just rape kids, they also rape women on their deathbeds” was such a clever defense.

Oh, well that eases my mind. I guess I’m not so mad about the child molestation anymore.

Who turns orphans over to homosexual couples at adoption agencies? Who sends Planned Parenthood propagandists into schools? Who clears the streets of major cities for “gay-pride” parades with the North American Man/Boy Love Association in tow? It is the liberal elite who champion these child-corrupting practices. And wasn’t it just last year that these enlightened protectors of children assembled at the golden coffin of Michael Jackson to pay their last respects? Where was the outrage about child corruption then?

We Do, We Do!!

&#9835 &#9834

D’oh!

♫ HA HA ♪

With a side of
♫ neener neener ♪

Holy mother of all that is velvety soft on naughty bits…

Comment on that Times …um whatever the fuck that large group of words is supposed to be called…

castellina, very well said. Of course the Catholic church has a severe problem. If anyone has trouble seeing why it takes time to correct problems, just look at the president of the USA. His main experience in leadership was with ACORN in Chicago. Once it was found that his group that was instrumental in getting him elected was corrupt and perverse, he saw to it that they were disbanded, on paper, then arose from the dead with other names in other cities. So you see, Easter overtones even for the godless extreme Left, except from the dark side. You and your leader will continue on into the battlefield trying to destroy what America was built on, but you will fail, as the Quiet Majority have awakened. The Catholic church will deal with the painful issue of infiltrated homosexuals and the multi-headed demon of the extreme Left will find a new target to focus their hate. Such irony…..Mark as offensive

I don’t even know where to start with this one. All I can say is I wish I was that high right now!

More choice weirdness from George Neumayr:
Obama is building of the modern American way of life upon the graves of tortured babies because he does not understand the moral implications of The Brothers Karamazov and should be torturing terrorists instead and Chris Matthews is a big poopyhead.

Includes Hitler at no extra charge!

Substance McGravitas said,

April 8, 2010 at 0:34

? HA HA ?

don’t judge me.

Why would it appear correct in the preview and then fail? Did I miss a step? I have all these leftover parts….

Oregon Beer Snob said,

April 8, 2010 at 0:36

With a side of
? neener neener ?

Don’t you judge me either either!

☼∃☾╚⃒℗§€☀

HA! I broke your shit simply by blockquoting it!

Take that, librul elites!

tsam:

Hint, semicolons are your friends…

Now you’re just rubbing it in.

Just post another skirt shopping search and get it overwith.

***sniff***

Preview renders what you can see in your browser, but WordPress is full of hate. The marquee tag would be totally cool here BUT NO.

Use Unicode values. Converter here: http://www.mikezilla.com/exp0012.html

Hint, semicolons are your friends…

Oh, yes–

Intelligence would be my friend too, if I only knew her.

Nice–thanks!

I don’t even know where to start with this one.

Proof that some forms of fanatical belief have much the same effect as methamphetamine?

K-Lo pr0n addiction watch: today’s column in the paper was entitled “The Ascent of Boehner.”

Great, now I have the ass-end of Boner stuck in my head. Somebody please pass the icepick?

K-Lo pr0n addiction watch: today’s column in the paper was entitled “The Ascent of Boehner.”

Shit, it really was. I thought you were joking.

A line from K-Lo, very slightly edited for enhanced prurience:
I spend a fair amount of time among conservatives and pro-life activists. In their company, Boehners… rarely come up.

…I want to marry the birch tree in my front yard. I love it dearly, it has faithfully provided me shade for decades. I want to marry it legally, and I want all the financial and social advantages that appertain to marriage. The Fourteenth Amendment to the US Constitution guarantees equal protection under the laws; the law of my state does not permit me to marry the birch tree the way others marry their spouse of choice, so my Fourteenth Amendment rights have been violated. Why should I not be granted the right under the law to marry my birch tree?…

Special wingnut tries to marry birch tree, gets ass handed to him in the comments. Enjoy.

http://www.plumbbobblog.com/?p=7282

Boehners… rarely come up.

No, I don’t suppose they do, in the presence of K-Lo.

Now goddamnit, who has that icepick!

Proof that some forms of fanatical belief have much the same effect as methamphetamine?

They surely do, Brandi. I’m trying to use this to keep the Boner/K-Lo thing out of my AWWW SHITTT

Shit, it really was. I thought you were joking.

Sometimes the jokes write themselves. (And sometimes they write for the National Review.)

ass-end of Boner

The shit end of the dick.

♨

i’ve seen a desoto throw a rod, but i’ve never seen anybody pitch an entire commissar

Alles klar der Kommisar!

Would that be a Curveball?

So the Catholics won’t let women be preists but I they are seriously looking at this bear’s application.

?

This probably won’t work because I cut-and-pasted it, but…what IS that thing? A birthday cake?

I wish I had more time to read sadlyno. Sadly, I don’t.

But I just have to pile on this blithering fuckwit:

Rod, it’s called responsibility. The Pope is the guy in charge. That means the buck stops at him.

This is the same kind of ludicrous apologia that were offered for Bush’s constant failures to get anything of substance accomplished; fix our job market (fail), save New Orleans (fail), find Osama bin Laden (fail), get US out of Iraq (fail), etcetera, etcetera, ad nauseum, ad infinitum, ad ignorantum idiotus mumblefuckus.

Conservatives are all about personal responsibility until that means THEM. Then it’s feeble, lame-ass excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse. Ad nauseum, ad infinitum, ad absurdum, . . . and so on

Hey slippy, if that was you commenting over at MoJo on the Oath Keepers, nice job.

but…what IS that thing? A birthday cake?

The Unicode docs call it “hot springs” but it really is a cake. A Black Forest cake of questionable veracity, actually.

Too meta-meta xkcd? Somebody gets it, right? The Fun-with-Unicode and the gaming, just begging for some Sadly, No!body (Lurker Division ٿ ) to take their big shot at repaying some chuckles?

HA!

FYWP. … For the first time. For the last time?

Cookie unicode FAIL.

How does ittdgy/assorted Unicode/ do it?

Testing.

Ahem.

3☚