Cockadoodledumb
I mean, use a guy’s own words — use his whole pattern of cock-fixated violent assholery — against him, and he goes all sulky. What gives? I’ve been very disappointed in the quality of Goldstein’s, and his troglodyte admirers’, replies to my post. But then haste wastes paste, I suppose; and so Goldstein had to spend some time trying to figure out how to weasel his way out of this shit.
Sure, Shandy’s right. The guy who wrote that:
Somewhere, Jeff Goldstein is sitting in his basement, fuming over Retardo’s takedown. “Just wait ’til I show them my COCK! Then they’ll be sorry.� Meanwhile, his lawn goes unmowed, his children unfed and his 15,000 word article on the foundational hermenuetics of Scenes from a Mall, unwritten.
..is probably correct. But even someone like Goldstein, stupid and hopped-up on thorazine (or whatever it is they give to the terminally batshit nowadays), knows better than to splurt what he’s really thinking: it’d play right into my argument, though I admit it’d be good for another laugh for him to screamtype in his stately way something more along his usual lines; like, say, “Why that’s a bunch of poppyCOCK, you dickless COCKsmoker, don’t you know that wingnut scientists tune their instruments to my COCK!? Loooook at it! It’s so puce! so why don’t you fuck my dog while I smack you with my COCK and send my commenters to murder you and your COCK!!!”
And so, no doubt while bringing yet another lightly-spiced batch of delicious paste to boil, its chemical fragrance peeling paint and even further retarding his frontal lobe, Goldstein waited…
Apparently for this clueless-fucktard dumb post by Patterico.
Patterico is not doing Goldstein any favors by linking to my quote-heavy post, but that’s okay — we have to adjust for inherent wingnut stupidity here. What’s truly hilarious is that the post argues that Goldstein’s raving, cock-fixated, violent insanity is literature:
But a funny thing happened. They quote Goldstein extensively in the post — to bitterly mock him, of course — and I started chuckling as I read block quote after block quote of Goldstein’s hilarious insults against lefty jerks. My anger at the nasty things the Sadly, No! folks were saying dissipated as I started laughing out loud at the clever way with words that Goldstein has.
Oh yes, we’re the nasty ones, while Goldstein is some genius wordsmith for typing out shit like “I’ll hold you down and smack your face repeatedly with my cock” and obviously meaning it! Plainly, the next Nabokov! So while Goldstein at least has standards enough to eat genuine paste, I’m afraid that such a positive appraisal of Goldstein’s purpled-headed prose means that Patterico has been stuffing his face in a bucket of Krusty Brand Immitation Paste. What a fucking dumbshit.
But then fucking dumbshits are Goldstein’s peers — friends, even. And what are friends for but inspiration!
Eh, most of what he plucks and highlights are comments — not posts — and they are invariably in response to some troll or other who has just dropped a turd on my site. Conveniently, he hides the context.
I look at it this way: I’ve posted something like 20,600 entries, and who knows how many comments. If this guy wants to spend his time going through all that and then concocting a pop-psychological profile from what it is he’s able to cherry pick, let him have at it. It seems rather sad that that’s how somebody would use their limited time on this earth, but hey, whatever gives you pleasure, I guess.
Pasty, Pasty. “Context” is provided by links. I have linked every one of his nasty quotes that I used. People can click to see the context — and when they do, it won’t affect their judgement, because Goldstein’s insane shit can’t be excused.
20,600 entries, many of them about cock or consisting of banal “short fictions” made “funny” by criminal overuse of italics, but I’m wasting my time? After Goldstein threatened Kevin with (homo)sexual assault, I googled his site for slang words for penises — and was “rewarded” with a cache of insanity. Obviously there was and is a pattern to his psychosis, and for showing it, I’m a meanie. Whatever.
But there is a pattern. This is what Goldstein is desperately trying to weasel out of: the fact that I have demonstrated, through ample quotation, his pattern of psychotic behavior. So he accuses me of cherry picking, as if he’s normally level-headed and otherwise not a cock-fixated wacko. Me, cherry picking? Sadly, no!:
You know, inspired by this rather marvellous post at Sadly, No, I thought I would go over and take a brief peek into the psychosexual train wreck that is the mind of Protein Wisdom’s Jeff Goldstein. And lemme tell ya. He never disappoints.
Goldstein manages to reference gay sex in all three of his most recent posts, none of which ostensibly have anything to do with gay men, sex, penises or arses. It’s really stunning.
As they say, read the whole thing. And I’ll remind everyone that this is actually better than random-sampling for Goldstein’s fixations — if there were any time for him to try to be reticent, it’d be right after my post which so humiliated him. So obviously he can’t stop. The COCK is his obsession.
Read all of his comment, too. What’s especially awful about him is that again he argues that being a cock-fixated violent wacko maniac fuckwit isn’t any big deal (he was apparently forced to be crazy by nefarious liberals) but, now, anonymous/pseudonymous people, they are the true menace to the internet and to the concept of civility itself! Which is why he and his commenters out people and threaten them with beatings and worse.
Well, I’m not hiding behind a pseudonym! My name’s Ben! And I could tell you my last name, but that wouldn’t mean much, conidering that I’d have to actually meet you for that to be relevant.
What. A. Moron.
haste wastes paste
Ah…les mots justes. 🙂
I’ve been very disappointed in the quality of Goldstein’s, and his troglodyte admirers’, replies to my post.
Would you say they’re flaccid?
After Goldstein threatened Kevin with (homo)sexual assault,
Weren’t the charges reduced to “assault with a dead weapon”?
Whooooo-hoooo!!
Thanks for the link. Jeff should be turning up at my house to (ahem) beat my ass any day now. Poor little fascist. Someday, he’ll get his ass plowed like he obviously so desperately wants. Then he might actually be a nice guy.
I know. I’m not holding my breath, either.
It’s weird, because when I donated a penny to him during a fundraiser (I stated it was for wankery) he returned it and told me to use it to twiddle my twat or something like that. Why does everyone else get the hot roman helmet imagery from Goldie-cocks? Sure feel emasculated now.
(JG) If this guy wants to spend his time going through all that and then concocting a pop-psychological profile from what it is he’s able to cherry pick, let him have at it.
Maybe it’s just me, but somehow I suspect that if I went over to PW I’d find more than my fair share of Pasty cherry-picking what liberals say and then attempting to pull the old Krauthamer. [And sure enough, I see a recent post on Larry Johnson.] I’d go a little further and venture to guess that Pasty is not personally acquianted with any of the liberals that he attacks — which seems to be Pasty’s big pet peeve. Finally, you’ve got to love the guy’s “We’ll exhange addresses and I’ll kick your ass” bit. What kind of a maroon doesn’t see Pasty instantly posting your address all over his site for the ditto-monkeys to – what? call in fake pizza deliveries?
It took fifteen comments at Patterico’s for this to appear:
You can’t treat everybody the same, some folks simply don’t deserve it. There are some people who simply need a 55 gallon drum of ass-whoopin’; with a side order of boot to the head. I know what J. R. R. Tolkien said about those who deserve death and those who deserve laugh, but sometimes you just gotta remove some jerk from the gene pool.
Would be nice if sweetness and light could cure everything, but it don’t. You have to be ready to defend yourself, and that means being ready to hurt people.
What?
Would be nice if sweetness and light could cure everything, but it don’t. You have to be ready to defend yourself, and that means being ready to hurt people.
You can have 900 comments to a post at Sadly, No, all of them thoroughly uncivil and involving some reference to someone’s genitalia, and you’d never see anything as horrific as that.
You have to be ready to defend yourself, sure, but not everyone defends himself with a SWINGING COCK.
I’m a bit disappointed he’s not coming out to pitch a tantrum for us. Maybe he’s busy hanging new drapes to surprise the Missus when she gets home from working to support his sorry ass.
Or maybe we’ve hit a nerve.
Weren’t the charges reduced to “assault with a dead weapon�?
JG he-he plea-bargain him way-down way down — all the way down — to “assha(l)t with a diddly (st)weapon”. Yarr, Sean Huff!
And that “ass-whoopin” and “hurting people” is gonna be done by – who? The Cheetoh Lords of Death? Mad-dog paste-eaters? Too stupid for wit, too illiterate for insult, and too all-around chickenshit for genuine mano-a-mano, these mouth-breathers wank all over their Sgt. Rock comix collection and think they’ve gone to war.
Me thinks that Jeff Goldstein is fixated on cocks because is worried about the size of him own tackle. I bet he drives a big car and has small feet.
You can’t treat everybody the same, some folks simply don’t deserve it. There are some people who simply need a 55 gallon drum of ass-whoopin’; with a side order of boot to the head. I know what J. R. R. Tolkien said about those who deserve death and those who deserve laugh, but sometimes you just gotta remove some jerk from the gene pool.
Would be nice if sweetness and light could cure everything, but it don’t. You have to be ready to defend yourself, and that means being ready to hurt people.
Shorter asshole: Everything I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned in The Hobbit Or, Why is Everyone Laughing at My Commitment to Middle Earth?
So, did Pasty’s Posse go on their proposed ‘road trip’ to Yearly Kos? You know, the one where they were gonna bring their axe handles? No, I thought not.
This is all fine, but can we get to the good stuff? Bring on the hermeneutics, man!!
I’ve been trying to imagine for the life of me just what a “cock-slapping” might entail. As a person who has a pretty realistic acquaintence with cocks, I think the logistics of staging a “cock-slapping” would be…well, weird.
The slappee’s face would have to be relatively proximate to the cock. Since the placement of the face on the human body is higher up than the placement of cocks, I think this would entail some kneeling. This sounds like teh gay.
If Jeff decides to use brute force to immobilize a slappee in order to slap him, it doesn’t seem wise to waggle one’s vulnerable genitals in front of the slappee’s teeth.
Also, in my experience, cocks don’t take well to sharp impact. I think a cock-slapping might hurt the cock more than the face.
All in all, it seems to me like a cock-slapping would be pretty, well, silly looking.
Has anyone actually been cock-slapped? I mean, in a bad way.
Bring on the hermeneutics, man!!
Hermeneutics? I thought it was heuristics.
….oh. that. bitch.
g, if you try to apply that level of deconstruction to Pasty’s comment about his dog there may be some vomiting involved.
You guys missed the best part of that “ass-whoopin’…J.R.R. Tolkien” post — the last line:
As this paladin once said, “I have nothing against orcs expressing themselves. What bothers me is the fact that expression usually takes the form of rape, rapine, and murder.�
Now it’s possible that “this paladin” is intended to have the sense of “Once, this paladin I heard of was riding through the Firelands, and this band of gnolls totally jumped him.” But I suspect it’s more along the lines of “Well, this paladin, for one, finds it absolutely intolerable that kobolds are permitted to breed in the wild.” Which is somewhere on the far side of pathetic.
Heuristic hermaphrodite hermeneutics.
Seriously Retardo, they’ll have to come up with a public service award in this year’s Koufaxes — just so you can win it.
I used to cock slap my chinese girlfriend. She loved it.
She also took great pleasure in getting her nipples painfully squeezed.
Though I must say that I was not very impressed when she tried to slap me in the face with her cock, damned thing kept trying to peck at my eyes.
“Heuristic hermaphrodite hermeneutics?” Sounds Swanksteristic to me.
Not in a bad way, though it can sting a bit. But, it was consensual, so I can’t complain. Besides, sometimes the boundaries of pleasure and pain… blur a bit. You are correctomundo to assume that kneeling is involved, though.
Man, can you write like nobody’s business. I’ve nothing to say about the wingnut PW – vile is vile is vile – but I do admire your ability to rip the asshole a new one.
So, am I right to assume that in a case of hostile cock-slapping, it’s probably the cock that comes out with the worst part of the bargain.
Beneficial and mutual cock-slapping is a different thing entirely.
So, am I right to assume that in a case of hostile cock-slapping, it’s probably the cock that comes out with the worst part of the bargain.
Maybe Jeff requires donning of a ball-gag before the cock-slapping: look out for anyone who knows how to throw an M&M up in the air and gulp it coming down. And he must have some sort of ball-protecting contraption as a fail-safe, like a chastity-disabled chastity belt or something. Diagrams of the Goldstein cock-slap technique may be in order.
It’s the hypocrisy that gets to me, ultimately; That these guys can threaten to cock-slap somebody and at the same time demand to be taken seriously.
A real man would admit his dick fixation.
And besides, that, the guy just isn’t very good at the insulting; It pretty much consists of threatening to rape his opponents and calling them gay. It’s not a huge repetoire, and the idea that the best way to debate an idea is to kill or humiliate the other debator isn’t exactly the mark of an intellectual.
He’s not an intellectual, Christopher. He’s a failed academic.
Lament
The World on Fire . . . Taxi from Africa . . . The Grand Hotel . . .
He was drunk a big party last night back, going back
in all directions sleeping these insane hours I’ll never wake up
in a good mood again I’m sick of these stinky boots.
Lament for my cock
Sore and crucified
I seek to know you.
Acquiring soulful wisdom,
You can open walls of mystery,
Stripshow.
How to acquire death in the morning show.
TV death which the child absorbs
Deathwell mystery which makes me write
Slow train, the death of my cock gives life.
Forgive the poor old people who gave us entry
taught us god in the child’s prayer in the night.
Guitar player,
Ancient wise satyr,
Sing you ode to my cock.
Caress its lament,
Stiffen and guide us, we frozen.
Lost cells, The knowledge of cancer,
To speak to the heart
And give the great gift:
Words Power Trance
This stable friend and the beasts of his zoo,
Wild haired chicks,
Women flowery in their summit,
Monsters of skin.
Each color connects
to create the boat
which rocks the race.
Could any hell be more horrible
than now
and real?
I pressed her thigh and death smiled.
Death, old friend,
Death and my cock are the world.
I can forgive my injuries in the name of
Wisdom Luxury Romance
Sentence upon sentence
Words are healing lament
For the death of my cock’s spirit
Has no meaning in the soft fire.
Words got me the wound and will get me well,
If you believe it.
All join now and lament for the death of my cock
A tongue of knowledge in the feathered night.
Boys get crazy in the head and suffer,
I sacrifice my cock on the altar of silence.
Thoughts in time and out of season
TRex,
Goldstein is not a failed academic. He’d need a :Ph.D and one job to get that distinction.
As it is, he’s nobody.
All in all, it seems to me like a cock-slapping would be pretty, well, silly looking.
Back in the corporate world I had this Network Admin who had this video he would play somewhat regularly. In this video, a young lady was, er, orally servicing two gentelmen. In the part of the clip in question, one of the gentelmen apparently reaches the conclusion that the other gentelman is getting an unreasonable amout of attention from the young lady. In order to both register his displeasure and to request a certain amount of concentration on HIS entertainment, he gently, but firmly, taps repeatedly on the back of the young lady’s head with his manhood. While describing it does not effectively communicate the humor, the incongruousness of asking for attention in this manner is truly hilarious…
mikey
You know, in all the times that I or any of my friends either were in a fight or were talking about a fight, not once, not once did any of us use the imagery of slapping one’s cock in the face of one’s opponent.
It would have stopped the conversation flat because someone would have spontaneously introduced weird gay sex imagery into a group of guys talking about fighting.
It’s like Abu Ghraib — I never thought really deeply about how to torture people, but I’ve read books and movies etc., and there was plenty of nasty violent stuff like things shoved under fingernails, etc.
Not once, not once, did I ever think for a moment of stripping a bunch of guys naked and creating an ass-pyramid of them. Not once. Not in a movie, or a book, nothing.
Who the f*** among men normally link the notion of violence to weird homo-erotic actions?
May I say that “purple-headed prose” is possibly the best part of this whole article? It just sings and cavorts and plays perfectly with the subject matter.
From what I understand, the treatment of the prisoners at Abu Ghraib, Gitmo, and other U.S.-run prison systems included this odd, sexual element specifically because many Arab men are astonishingly homophobic and body-shy. It had been identified by the CIA as a weak point, and thus seemed like an easy “in” when trying to wring info out of prisoners. I’ve seen reports of the prisoners being posed in “simulated sexual positions,” in which they were photographed and then threatened with the publication of the photos, which would cause their own families to turn on them violently from even the suggestion of same-sex sex. Of recently, due to a fatwa by Ayatollah Sistani, there’s been a marked increase in murders of gays. Sistani said gays should bee killed in “the worst ways imaginable,” and the killings are excessively brutal, even for Iraq. Plus, the fundamentalists are so adverse to the display of bare skin that it has become too dangerous for children to wear shorts without risking murder. And it’s summer now, with 115º tempratures.
I hate fundies.
Goldstain is a pox on our nation. His pseudo-intellectual waste sucks the life from our liberty, and his meaningless ‘short stories’ rob us of any depth, meaning or hilarity.
He links to Little Green Footballs all the time. Oh, and Lileks (by the way, why the fuck does anyone on the left give a shit about lileks? he watches a tape he made of 9/11 once a week to keep the rage fresh for god’s sake. and he isn’t funny unless you are being kitschy, like ‘Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey’).
Please. Jeff, Patterico, Seixon: go ahead and overdose on the medication. Then you can slap your cock in the face of all the virgins fags who’s asses you would kick if they didn’t seem so damn appealing.
And I’ll hold him down and smack his face repeatedly with THIS cock!
What Jeff needs is a nice quiet weekend at a gay hotel in Palm Springs.
Bring on the hermeneutics, man!!
I say, Leave my husband out of this!
Thanks, Lilly
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