A Confession To The Blogosphere
Ladies and gentlemen … readers and friends. This is perhaps the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I have maintained my anonymity on this blog for several years because it would have been extremely painful to people close to me to reveal my true name.
The time has arrived whence I am obliged — nay, compelled — to come clean.
My name is Daniel Riehl. Many of you may know me as a conservative blogger. Many of you have crossed swords with me in the blogospheric back-and-forth that has come to define our daily affairs. I never intended for it to be this way. In some ways, it was entirely out of my control.
But I have been living a double life. I’ve been blogging as both Dan Riehl, conservative nemesis of progressives, and as D. Aristophanes, happy-go-lucky mocker of ‘wingnuts’ on Sadlyno.com.
I did this to mask my true identity. And I did it to hide the shame of my decades-long love affair with Jeff Goldstein.
I’m not hiding any longer. Jeff, I know you’re not ready for this. But it’s time. I love you. I love your wit. I love it when you laugh in that delightfully manic way of yours. I love how you look when your head is resting on the pillow of our shared bed. I love it when you have me so energetically after a particularly strident blog post.
It’s just that — well, I simply can’t live a lie any more. I’ve been playing both ends against the middle for so long that I really don’t know where my lies end and I begin.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the illusion I’ve created. I can’t stress enough how awful I feel — how awful I’ve felt for the better part of a decade — to have perpetuated this sham, to have misled so many loyal readers of both of my blogs. It started out as fun. It’s ended in the kind of self-loathing that most of you will be blessed to never fully experience.
In the coming days, I pledge to answer all of your questions about my double life, as awkward and painful and accusatory as they may be. I owe that to you, all of you — readers of both RiehlWorldView.com and of Sadlyno.com.
You deserve to have answers.
But before that happens, I want to say one thing. I could have maintained my lies for much longer. The only reason that I felt compelled to confess, really, was the example set for me by my lover, Jeff Goldstein.
It doesn’t excuse my terrible shame, or the damage I have done to so many good readers with my duplicity, but I must admit that I do take some solace in the fact that I have had the singular pleasure of watching Jeff’s manhood swell to exquisite proportions in anticipation of my deflowering.
Jeff was always the more experienced one. More learned and sure in the ways of our forbidden liaisons. He taught me what it meant to be a true lover — rough yet eager to please … wicked yet possessed of a kind of formidable grace that words cannot describe.
I have these memories. I always will. They are mine.
I know that these words will do little to assuage the betrayal that I have visited upon my readers, both right-leaning and progressive. I share them only to offer some glimpse of my own pain over these many years.
And I ask your forgiveness.
Sincerely,
Dan ‘D. Aristophanes’ Riehl
uh uh.
I think it’s time to pull out the Syrah and popcorn…
SOMEBODY took too many mushrooms tonight…
April 1st.
But Dan & Jeff’s love affair is true !
Hmmm…come to think of it, Dandy has never been photoshopped on the toilet, so this could be true.
Oh, gahh. Get a room already.
HA!
I’m a conservative but I think Dan is a total asshole, so right on!
Bitch!!
I AM SPURTICUS!
Someone’s cockschlepping for a cockslapping.
No no no no…IT CAN’T BE TRUE!
So now that you’re being fully honest, Dan, did Charles give you a wedgie before or after you pulled his ponytail?
But Dan, posting your confession on April 1st may confuse people, they’ll think it’s just a joke!
All the best to you and Jeff.
There now…see love makes the world go around.
And if you don’t mind Mr. Aristophones-Rheil, will you please, for the benefit of both of us, me as a voyeur and you as the lucky participant — roll Mr. Goldstein on his stomach and plunge everything you can into every bit of his deep, wide open mind — so to speak — until he shivers.
I think I have half of a nice red hot spicy Pepperoni stick if you get tired at any point. I’ll let you have it, no need to return it, k?
You can still make it official in D.C.– I think.
It’s the catch wrestling.
Of course. It all makes perfect sense now.
Took guts, man.
NO, I AM SPURTICUS!!
NO! I am Spurious!
In the Spring, a young Travis Bickle’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.
We are ALL SPURTICUS NOW
April is the cruelest month…
Dump him — you’re too good for him. And I’m available.
o/t…. Ms. Lopez is all hot under the collar about teh porno:
“The piece we published today on the devastating effects of pornography has kept a steady stream of e-mails coming into my inbox. Some telling devastating tales. Some confessions. Some adamant defenses of pornography from frequent users. Some cries for help. ”
Would the 2nd from last set of emails be from Jonah?
RiehlGold = worst internets slashfic ‘shipping EVAR.
D
Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, click link, WTF???, remember date, chuckle, chuckle.
Well played, sir.
It may actually be the best post ever on RWV.
…wicked yet possessed of a kind of formidable grace that words cannot describe…
Like my best third Seder ever. But you knew that, you crazy threesome.
“The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.”
–Mark Twain–
K-Lo: “The piece […] today on the […] effects of pornography has kept a steady stream of […] coming into my […]box.”
Savor the mental image!
A wonderful post that brought a whole series of graphic mental images to mind.
I love you, Dan!
Yes. And I am the Easter Bunny.
What color would you like your eggs?
This is such a shock to me.
Who knew that Dan Riehl had wit!?!?
He’s kept it so well hidden for all these years.
Nothing says “I love you” quite like a cockslap to the face.
Darn it! D. Aristophanes, middle name LeRoy as we know, should have given it away…
D L Aristophanes >wordjumble< Posts As Dan Riehl
Wake up, Sheeple!
I knew it! I topeka’ed it:
http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2010/04/different-kind-of-company-name.html
YOU LIE! MY BUTT WAS ALWAYS THE ONLY ONE FOR YOU, you studly Brazilian spurticus, you.
Dude, I’m gullible, but I’m not *that* gullible.
Let me catch you again with wrestle boy. I’ll…I’ll..I’LL FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS WITH A SWORDFISH! (again.).
Nice try. You should have confessed to be someone who could write a decent sentence (as you do), or could spell (as you can), or could express a thought coherently.
Unless your split personality includes bad grammar, jejune style, poor spelling ability, and a completely vacant sense of humor, I just can’t see it.
It is more likely that if you were a left-wing pseudonym for a right-wing blogger, you’d still maintain a similar writing style. Faking bad grammar, poor spelling and crappy construction would be quite a feat.
Ah, to love Jeff “Cockslap” Goldstein is human, to forgive you for your long deception is divine…
What say we all get together in a pile? My place or Gleen’s?
Confession is good for the soul. Usually. But Goldstein? Even love isn’t that blind.
Formidable grace, wordless, etc. Sigh. You have it all!
Collaborator! Quisling! Traitor!
But it’s nice to see Riehl has a sense of humour.
Too bad it’s stuck up his ass.
Golf clap
Well this confessional might explain the man-crush.
(bangs on computer) Stupid internet! Be more funny!
Now you girls have had your fun. Back to my knob.
POLISH, BITCHES!!!1!!1!!!1!!
This just in: blogger Dan Riehl has called the Virginia Senate election for George Allen!
See: Ruppert, Gary.
Riehl…um, D.A., on Rick Santorum:
And at the same time, he makes a perfect stalking horse to neutralize Huckabee.
He’s doing horses now? The sound you hear is a million lonely dogs crying.
I sense Ricky Martin’s hand in all this…
Hey, don’t let this stop you studs from enlisting for the Corps.
I am truly awed by your courage in finally coming clean! If things don’t work out with Jeff, please give me a chance. I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me. No stinkin’ thinkin’ here!
Glenn Greenwald: YOU LIE! MY BUTT WAS ALWAYS THE ONLY ONE FOR YOU, you studly Brazilian spurticus, you.
Yup, caps=outrage: check
passive aggressive j’accuse: check
No fuckin’ way that could possibly be GG hisownself ’cause there’s nothin’ he’s ever written on the innertubes that terse.
AND without an update or three.
Hey! Where’s my nine-iron?
Hey! Where’s my nine-iron?
It’s more like a soft three wood, Jonah.
I’ll need photographic evidence to believe this. Or maybe a video. But with someone hotter than Goldstein. Or Reihl. AND NO POOP.
If only the April Fool’s joke was, that this was NOT true.
If only you could have gotten RiehlWorldView to go along with it too…
Re Riehl’s crush:
But there are actually two reasons to take Santorum seriously.
It stains carpets and upholstery.
It can lead to infections.
joXn said,
April 1, 2010 at 21:34
You need to scroll down on his page, Jon.
That was one funny goddamned post. And I know it’s a joke, because in fact I’m
SpartacusDan Riehl.Yea!
And I’m really Art Chance
Dan
I love one of your latest posts:
“PS: I cannot say this too often: GET A CAMERA. Video recording equipment in the hands of the populace kept this story contained. GET A CAMERA. A video record will be an invaluable offensive and defensive tool for your activism. GET A CAMERA. This will be true for the rest of your activist career. GET A CAMERA”
I for one would love to see your videos with Jeffery boy.