You know, I’m no different from anybody else. I start each day, and I end each night.

Shorter Suzanne Fields: If Germany were serious about confronting Nazism both past and present, it would forbid Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from attending the World Cup, arrest him, or worse.

Shorter Joel Mowbray: Muslims don’t do enough to condemn their terrorist brethren, as illustrated by the large number of Muslim terrorists.

Shorter LaShawn Barber: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: There truly is no depth to which black people won’t sink to get some money from whitey.

Shorter Walter Williams: Tyrants always start out with small measures that appear… For the last time, I don’t know what you mean by “warrantless wiretaps” and “phone call databases.” Now, where was I? Portion sizes at restaurants are…

Shorter Jeff Emanuel: I seriously doubt our Marines did anything wrong at Haditha because, if anything, we’re too nice to Iraqi civilians.

Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I have some misgivings about capital punishment.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: I disagree with Naval Criminal Investigative Service procedures.

Shorter Linda Chavez: What is the political lesson of my best friend’s recent death?

Shorter Paul Greenberg: May I help you stoke your cynicism toward Congress?

Shorter Terence Jeffrey: My fellow Americans, our civilization is faced with a false, yet crucial, choice regarding the family unit.

Shorter Ben Shapiro: Silly moonbats. When will you learn that your party should tell you what to stand for, and not the other way around?

Shorter Tony Blankley: Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran. Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran.

Shorter Brent Bozell: Is it too much to ask, when we win a battle, for the media to tell us that we’ve won the war?

Shorter John Stossel: Environmentalists are religious fanatics who want to take your land, kill your family and hand over the planet to animals that may or may not exist.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Riddle me this: If Al Gore wants to be taken seriously on global warming, why hasn’t he denounced the movie, Cars?

Shorter Kathleen Parker: I’m sure if we all put our heads together we could think up a plausible explanation for the civilian deaths at Haditha.

And, finally, you’ve seen the long of this wingnut instant classic; now here’s the short of it:

Shorter Kevin McCullough: Thank God for brave patriots like Ann Coulter, who speak – if not truth to power – then memorable slurs against the credibile.

Seb adds: Suzanne Fields writes:

Having family and friends in Germany made it easy for me to root for Germany in its first-round 4 to 0 victory over Costa Rica.

Not so easy that you could figure out the actual score.