Two-Minute Townhall


You know, I’m no different from anybody else. I start each day, and I end each night.

Shorter Suzanne Fields: If Germany were serious about confronting Nazism both past and present, it would forbid Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from attending the World Cup, arrest him, or worse.

Shorter Joel Mowbray: Muslims don’t do enough to condemn their terrorist brethren, as illustrated by the large number of Muslim terrorists.

Shorter LaShawn Barber: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: There truly is no depth to which black people won’t sink to get some money from whitey.

Shorter Walter Williams: Tyrants always start out with small measures that appear… For the last time, I don’t know what you mean by “warrantless wiretaps” and “phone call databases.” Now, where was I? Portion sizes at restaurants are…

Shorter Jeff Emanuel: I seriously doubt our Marines did anything wrong at Haditha because, if anything, we’re too nice to Iraqi civilians.

Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I have some misgivings about capital punishment.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: I disagree with Naval Criminal Investigative Service procedures.

Shorter Linda Chavez: What is the political lesson of my best friend’s recent death?

Shorter Paul Greenberg: May I help you stoke your cynicism toward Congress?

Shorter Terence Jeffrey: My fellow Americans, our civilization is faced with a false, yet crucial, choice regarding the family unit.

Shorter Ben Shapiro: Silly moonbats. When will you learn that your party should tell you what to stand for, and not the other way around?

Shorter Tony Blankley: Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran. Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran.

Shorter Brent Bozell: Is it too much to ask, when we win a battle, for the media to tell us that we’ve won the war?

Shorter John Stossel: Environmentalists are religious fanatics who want to take your land, kill your family and hand over the planet to animals that may or may not exist.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Riddle me this: If Al Gore wants to be taken seriously on global warming, why hasn’t he denounced the movie, Cars?

Shorter Kathleen Parker: I’m sure if we all put our heads together we could think up a plausible explanation for the civilian deaths at Haditha.

And, finally, you’ve seen the long of this wingnut instant classic; now here’s the short of it:

Shorter Kevin McCullough: Thank God for brave patriots like Ann Coulter, who speak – if not truth to power – then memorable slurs against the credibile.

Seb adds: Suzanne Fields writes:

Having family and friends in Germany made it easy for me to root for Germany in its first-round 4 to 0 victory over Costa Rica.

Not so easy that you could figure out the actual score.


Comments: 13


This is so funny that I’m almost ready to forgive you guys for yesterday’s post which only served to remind me of how mouth-foamingly, bile-spewingly angry I am at john of Americablog.


I fucking LIVE for Two-Minute Townhall.


*applauds* I’m with you, blogenfreude, I ADORE Two-Minute Townhall.

melior (in Austin)

It warms my heart to see that, like Velcro®, Kleenex©, and Dumpster™, the Shorter format has ascended into common usage, beyond the need to continue to repetitively attribute its origin.

Now if only Elton will return the favor and start doing Wingnut All-Starsâ„¢ my dream will have come true.


Me three, smartest thing out there right now, and hell waiting for it, well worth the wait.


Did Walter Williams even have a point in mind when he started writing that train wreck of an article?


Is that why Mikey is always trying to get my money? Dang…


Regarding the shorter Blankley, I must say “Barbara Ann” is an excellent song. I just wish these wingnuts could condense their work so well so I don’t have to bother reading their miring slagpits of poor turn-of-phrase, indeterminable subject-verb agreement, and just generally bad writing.


The Stossel B.S. makes me want to puke. I hope he ends up with a superfund mining waste dump in his watershed – I bet he will change his tune in regards to the environment. “I want to save endangered species too” – what a freakin’ joke. Get a clue John, you need to save the entire ecosystem if you want to preserve a species. It is all interconnected. What a tool.


Is it just me or did The Virgin Bens article confirm my suspicion that the Rightie McTighties are a weee bit jealous of the success of Yearly Kos?


It’s a wonder any of these people even get out of bed in the morning. Their worlds are apparently plagued with demons, with all manner of world-destroying horrifying things hiding behind every towel rack and curtain.

Add to that the completely inverted worldview (a la Stossel) and these folks must spend an awful lot of time quivering in the corner. Or The Corner, I guess.


“You know, I’m no different from anybody else. I start each day, and I end each night.”???


Shorter Prickly City: Al Gore is a scary monster who makes cowardly Republicans wet their pants.


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