I Can Has Hutaree Lulz?

Say what you will about the /b/tards, but they are at their absolute best when screwing with a wacko Christian militia’s forum boards (very NSFW) left unattended because all the moderators were arrested for plotting to kill a bunch of cops.

 

Comments: 497

 
 
 

All the board moderators were arrested?

OK, NOW I’m getting out of the boat! This I have to see.

 
 

*shivering*

D-d-d-don’t….g-g-g-g-go.

OMFG. I may need therapy. Or at least a bottle in front of me.

 
 

Suffice to say, anon has taken over the Hutaree website’s forums. There is a kind of justice to this development.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oooh, I wanna click so badly! But I also want to keep my job. And my sanity.

 
 

Actor!

Post lulz heere for us who cannot / fear not.

YOU MUST! YOU MUST! GOOBA-GOBBA!

 
His name is Yossarian, Sir
 

Hahahahahhahhahahahhahahahahahahhahha … gasp … must … try … to … breathe …

 
 

P-p-perre…it’s l-l-like goatse….ONLY IN 3D!!!!!!!

 
 

That may h-h-h-ave bbbbeen a l-l-l-life al-al-alt-altering exp-p-perience.

And n-n-n-not in a g-g-g-g-good way.

 
 

neVer Leave a mEssage bOard opPen.

O mY BRaNE.

 
His name is Yossarian, Sir
 

:::WARNING SPOILERS::::

ahem … there is a preponderance of African American penis, tubgirl and WTF hentai stuff as well as one of the most seizure inducing animated gifs I have seen in 10 years.

::::END SPOILERS::::

 
 

Went there yesterday. Haven’t laughed that hard in quite some time. Something about the total humiliation of these types makes me all tingly.

 
 

Wow. That’s gonna leave a mark. ON MY SOUL!1!!111!!!

 
 

I only wish I were reading this at home so I could dare to click that link. I’m sure the lulz are mighty.

 
 

Suspects arrested:

– Joshua Cribbs, 28 (a.k.a. “Azzurlin”, “Az”, “Mouse”, “Jason Z. Charles”)
– Kristopher T. Sickles, 27 (a.k.a “Pale Horse”)
– David Brian Stone Sr., 44 (a.k.a “RD”, “Joe Stonewall”, “Captain Hutaree”)
– David Brian Stone Jr., 19 (a.k.a “Junior”, “Jaggers” )
– Joshua Stone, 21 (a.k.a. “Josh”)

Tell you what, if I’m the last chap I’m pretty pissed off about my nym.

 
 

I dunno, DA. “Pale Horse” is not going to have an easy time of it in prison. “Josh” seems safer.

 
 

And nevermind “Asshurling”. Also.

 
 

That’ll do, /b/tards. That’ll do.

 
 

one of the most seizure inducing animated gifs I have seen in 10 years.

It reminded me of that website Homer Simpson started, swiping all the animated GIFs in existence.

This place needed more dancing badgers.

 
 

Asshurling. OMFG. You’re right! Of course, he can always switch to his alternate A.K.A. … ‘Ass’.

 
 

This could be a keeper tho. NSFW! YOU BEEN WARNED!

 
 

Post lulz heere for us who cannot / fear not.

ASCII goatse-style art and real live-action type santorum-related program activities.

Wait, corpophagy isn’t necessarily santorum-related is it?

Anyway that’s just the last three messages, which is far as I could go.

 
 

Grrrr, FY New Fingers!

could be a keeper

NSFW! YOU BEEN WARNED!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

ASCII goatse-style art

For some reason, I find the ASCII art to be much more disturbing than the real thing.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

NSFW! YOU BEEN WARNED!

Given the description when you hover over the link, I think I get the idea.

Also, gross.

 
As You May Well Have Already Guessed, The Goddamn Batman Maintains A Certain Sympathy For, Nay, A Definite Pride In Those Who Administer Their Own Peculiar Brand Of Justice Under A Pseudonym; Well-Played, Lads!
 

*wipes a single tear from his cheek*

Them’s m’boys.

 
 

Thanks for the warning, y’all. I was really considering clicking ’til I read the comments here.

Sure hope someone shows the site to the terrorists and records the reactions…

 
 

S-s-s-s-so c-c-c-c-c-old….

*rocking back and forth*

 
 

Think that was scary, look at these:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36075836/ns/us_news-security/

 
 

because all the moderators were arrested

Forum moderator training schools may wish to add a specialized workshop on “What to do if all your moderators are arrested.”

 
Ted the Slacker
 

Hard to tell if that’s a hijacked site or just the new RNC home page.

 
 

Can someone explain that horrifying thing? Is the suggestion that the aforementioned /b/tards took over the Hutaree message boards?

And, does anyone remember in which season of Star Trek: The Next Generation the Hutaree were introduced as the villains?

 
 

‘very NSFW’ doesnt do it justice imo.

 
 

Militia members sought to spark uprising

Militia & revolutionary organizations by definition seek to spark wider uprisings.

A group of 10-20 people don’t ever think that they, alone will defeat large governments, police, and military.

 
 

NSFW! YOU BEEN WARNED!

Boo! I demand non-click-needed-LuLz!

 
His name is Yossarian, Sir
 

Think that was scary, look at these …

Jeez, all of them look like extras from the off-Broadway version of Slingblade … except for the last one who looks like the love child between Nicholas Cage and Zippy the Pinhead (with apologies to both).

 
 

If there’s one demographic advertisers aren’t paying attention to, its the end times crowd. I’m sure they’d buy all sorts of nonsense.

You must be pounding that koolaid so hard it comes out your eyes.

 
 

Militia members sought to spark uprising

All those days of playing paintball with friends and no friggin uprising! Oh the humanity!

 
His name is Yossarian, Sir
 

A group of 10-20 people don’t ever think that they, alone will defeat large governments, police, and military.

These guys were probably hopped up on meth, FIXX Extreme and the Blu-Ray edition of “Red Dawn”. “Don’t Ever Think” was probably their militia motto.

 
 

As a palate cleanser for those who clicked, I give you:

PENIS!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You must be pounding that koolaid so hard it comes out your eyes.

They have a koolaid fetish, too? Freaks.

 
 

Militia members sought to spark uprising

Veiled Cialis reference

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

As a palate cleanser for those who clicked, I give you:

PENIS!

Semi-veiled fellatio reference.

 
 

Semi-veiled fellatio reference.

That’s because it’s so hard (VPR) to get a PENIS through a veil.

 
 

If there’s one demographic advertisers aren’t paying attention to, its the end times crowd. I’m sure they’d buy all sorts of nonsense.

Oh, advertisers do. They just go to the media that the end-times crowd reads & listens to.

On blogs, shortwave, commando magazines, newsletters, etc., you’ll see tons of ads promoting water purifiers, solar generators, preserved food, sub-firearm weapons, and, of course, colloidal silver, other ‘natural’ cures (can’t trust them sekular docterz), and GOLD.

 
Progressive Center Left Grrl Voice of Truth
 

I never thought I could be proud of b-tards. But there it is.

Also, if it wasn’t for the fact that the resurgence of militia culture is probably going to hurt people, I’d find these people a lot more funny. I’m still of a mind that the way to deal with penny-ante secessionists is to let them … then force them to pay tariffs and get a visa to leave their three-acre “New Freeland”.

 
 

Well, just this once- shore leave. What’s that you’re saying? “Hey, sailor, new in town?”

 
 

Basically, there poor saps hate their boring ass dead-end lives so much they want to start a war and commit suicide by Antichrist.

Seriously, we need some midnight basketball programs in rural Michigan to keep these people off the street and give them something productive to do.

Maybe a “Sane Big Brothers/Big Sisters For Emotionally Stunted And Ignorant Adults”.

 
 

GOLD

Oh so they are just obsessed with Gold Member? (veiled bullion reference)

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

On blogs, shortwave, commando magazines, newsletters, etc., you’ll see tons of ads promoting water purifiers, solar generators, preserved food, sub-firearm weapons, and, of course, colloidal silver, other ‘natural’ cures (can’t trust them sekular docterz), and GOLD.

Don’t forget survival seeds! And the sites directed toward the ladies advertise canners and cookbooks like “101 Ways to Cook a Half-Rotten Squirrel”.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The whole gold thing is fucking retarded (satire), because if shit really hits the fan, gold is as useless as paper money. You’re better off spending your money on booze and antibiotics.

 
 

“101 Ways to Cook a Half-Rotten Squirrel”.

Half FRESH, mopey.

 
 

You’re better off spending your money on booze and antibiotics.

Now that’s a weekend.

 
 

Ok, NSFW means Not Safe For Work.

This is NOT FIT FOR HUMAN VIEWING–NFHV

Please make a note of it.

Thank you.

Signed,
Scarred human who is now afraid of blue text on his computer.

 
 

What?

No “Jabba The Huttaree” jokes??

For shame.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Half FRESH, mopey.

I’m an emo survivalist.

 
 

Of course they’re not a militia. They’re just a random group of people who happen to train together to use arms and plan attacks, and wear uniforms, and give themselves ranks and code names. What in the world does that have to do with a “militia”?

 
Progressive Center Left Grrl Voice of Truth
 

They aren’t a militia, people.

They just resemble a militia in every possible way.

 
 

What in the world does that have to do with a “militia”?

Cuz then they get Constitutional proteckshuns to terrarize folks.

 
Progressive Center Left Grrl Voice of Truth
 

Yeah, what the Cid said.

I mean, maybe the Michigan Militia met with them at the annual Chili-and-Explosives Cook-Off, but that doesn’t mean they are connected. No sir!

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

But’s gold’s so shiny, how can it be utterly valueless without a centralized belief-structure which says it has value, Truculent? That doesn’t make any sense!

Why that kind of thing would suggest currency only has as much weight as we says it does, and that’d open us up to a whole consensual-reality sort of thing that would tear capitalism apart by the soft bits! Economics can’t be wizardry!

 
 

“They just resemble a militia in every possible way.”

They’re a doppleitia.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

“They’re more of a private army…”

Lulz. Dude is doing some hardcore Karl Rove-style triangulating bullshit. “I’m in a militia and I’m good and they’re bad so there’s no way that they could be in a militia, too.”

 
 

They’re a doppleitia.

Don’t you mean “dope-litia”?

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Also, I saw those mugshots of the goons they arrested, and well… not to be lookist or anything, but they looked pretty much how I would expect this kind of group to look. Slightly malformed, in the manner of The Hills Have Eyes.

 
 

But’s gold’s so shiny, how can it be utterly valueless without a centralized belief-structure which says it has value, Truculent?

Actually, gold’s value was based in large part in its intrinsic value as a metal that was not oxidized easily, retained its luster, was easily shaped.

Indeed, the term “acid test” came about largely because unlike other precious metals, gold did not dissolve in nitric acid.

So let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves in calling its value arbitrary.

 
 

“acid test”

Moar DFH talk.

 
 

No animal sacrifices?
Meh.

 
 

in the manner of The Hills Have Eyes.

If only they watched this film first, they might have recruited better looking members.*
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
* veiled penis reference

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

not to be lookist or anything, but they looked pretty much how I would expect this kind of group to look.

I was just surprised at the lack of any morbidly obese members. Maybe you have to take a fitness test to get in.

 
 

I love the /b/tards!

From a distance…Yeesh!

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

So let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves in calling its value arbitrary.

No, I’m pretty much okay with calling it arbitrary. Particularly when at least a third of why it was “valuable” was because it was just so darned shiny. Now, it’s cool if you think it’s shiny and all, but in the end, it’s just another fucking mineral in the ground.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

If only they watched this film first, they might have recruited better looking members.*

Many of those people are /also/ slightly malformed.

 
 

It’s a family affair!

The suspects were identified as militia leader David Brian Stone, 45; his wife, Tina Stone, 44; his son Joshua Matthew Stone, 21, of Clayton, Michigan; another son, David Brian Stone Jr., 19,

Just an Real American Family gettin’ jived by the man. Is ‘jivved’ the right word?

 
 

Many of those people are /also/ slightly malformed.

Yes, but they are not humorless dildoes about it.

 
 

TU, I agree that booze will be far more valuable after a collapse. I plan to fill my basement with bottles of cheap whiskey – it keeps well and if things don’t collapse you can have a hell of a party.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

So let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves in calling its value arbitrary.

Yeah, but how many people would know how to shape it without electricity?

 
 

Yeah, but how many people would know how to shape it without electricity?

Well if they are all about the End Times, isn’t metallurgy just as reasonable a belief?

 
 

And by metallurgy I totally meant Alchemy.

 
Even more Pedantic Asshole
 

Actually, in nearly every Post-Apocalyptic scenario out there, copper is the metal that is going to be the most valuable.

Salt, Pepper, and Mustard are probably the spices you want to keep.

 
 

isn’t metallurgy

…robot Catholic priests?

 
 

BTW, Actor – I thought it was just text comments.

Thank you for NOT linking to the goatse.

*yik*

 
 

Metallurgy is theft.

 
 

actor212 said,
March 30, 2010 at 16:48

Hide your blenders!

 
Even more Pedantic Asshole
 

But hey, there will certainly be enough plastics jugs for any clean water you might find!

So we’ve got that going for us.

 
 

But hey, there will certainly be enough plastics jugs for any clean water you might find!

I am NOT giving my ration of water to Pam Atlass, no matter how big she made those!

 
 

I only wish I were reading this at home so I could dare to click that link. I’m sure the lulz are mighty.

I wish I were at work so I wouldn’t have.

 
The Goddamn Batman Has Dealt With So Many Gold-Obsessed Supervillains That He Has Considered Just Making Up Little Bags Of Krugerrands And Handing Them Out, Like Trick-or-treating, Just To Make Them Go Away
 

Gold does have quite a few good uses in different scientific and industrial applications due to its conductivity, malleability, non-corrosiveness etc. But in your pre-industrial societies, besides its use for decoration, it’s useful mostly as a medium of exchange, and that depends on some sort of stable society. Not so much in the sort of The Road-type Grim Meathook Future that these fellows are afraid of and/or trying to bring about.

 
 

Militia movements are the opposite of theft.

 
Even more Pedantic Asshole
 

Plastic, not Silicon, sir.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Not so much in the sort of The Road-type Grim Meathook Future that these fellows are afraid of and/or trying to bring about.

I’ll say! You can’t even use it to kill zombies.

 
 

Plastic, not Silicon, sir.

You presume, sir, she’s uparmored.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Militia movements are the opposite of theft.

Soooo, they’re like the Salvation Army?

 
 

Militia movements are the opposite of theft.

Soooo, they’re like the Salvation Army?

Um, I think he means “movement” of a different sort…

 
 

Soooo, they’re like the Salvation Army?

Slightly more giving and violent.

 
 

Metals are socialist, since they are known to freely pay their electrons to other parasites which need them.

 
 

No “Jabba The Huttaree” jokes??

On the radio they pronounced it hu-TAR-ee, like film. I’d thought it was HUTT-a-ree, and they were trying to rip-off the Hutterites, who are better people than these nuts could ever hope to be.

 
Even more Pedantic Asshole
 

You presume, sir, she’s uparmored.

Presume? Then you claim intimate knowledge?

eeew!!1

 
 

Gold does have quite a few good uses

Its great to adorn your bunker with gold. Really brightens up a cold, dreary day when you can’t go outside because of all the fallout. And zombeez.

 
His name is Yossarian, Sir
 

@Esteev,

I’m so pleased that CNN decided to go straight to an expert to determine if they were a Christian militia or not:

“This is a group that I would classify as neither a militia or a Christian group,” said Michael Lackomar, a member of the Southeast Michigan Volunteer Militia. “They’re really a fringe group outside of anything we do.”

If you can’t trust a spokesman for the Southest Michigan Volunteer Militia, you’d have to be a shill for the New World Order.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Oh holy feck, I enjoyed that. Every spooge-gorged inch of smokin’ hot midnight black man-meat of it. Lordy lord. You want to talk about mangoes, those are huge mangoes over there, not maybe as flavorful as some, but enormous, pendulous, and leathery.

The best part is the FBI will have to examine all those, too, looking for clues and whatnot.

By the way, kids, if you think these lunatics are just buying seeds and Mormon end-times cookbooks, try ordering any quantity of .380 ammunition sometime.

I have a little tin can plinkin’ gun that could use some attention, so in NOVEMBER I ordered a box of bullets for to make shooty holes.

The very large outdoorsy type mail-order retailer has had them on backorder ever since, and I’m not up to get ’em for another month yet. That’s six months, for the mathematicians out there.

So maybe .380 ammo is some rare and special kind that only ‘Gramps’ Schirmer can make, green eyeshade and sleeve garters akimbo, down in his workshop back of the barn? No. .380 is essentially a short version of 9mm rounds, popular in concealed carry handguns, similar stopping power to its longer cousin, but it doesn’t go through walls and such.

In other words, .380 is what all these pricks are giving to their lady friends and keeping hidden in the back of their pants. It’s a backup caliber. If they’re buying so much of this picayune size of bullet, imagine what the market looks like for the big, man-stoppin’ cartridges?

 
 

Then you claim intimate knowledge?

It was an accident. And the injury cost me many weeks of rehab

 
 

If you can’t trust a spokesman for the Southest Michigan Volunteer Militia, you’d have to be a shill for the New World Order.

Hopefully they are always balanced by a liberal source such as Dick Morris.

 
 

@ Yossarian,

Agreed. And what better way to distance yourself from the crazy “fringe” group than to…uh, is he really trying to say there is a difference between his Volunteer Militia group and the Hurteez?

 
 

No. .380 is essentially a short version of 9mm rounds, popular in concealed carry handguns, similar stopping power to its longer cousin, but it doesn’t go through walls and such.

Veiled inadequate penis reference.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Speaking of the zombie apocalypse, don’t forget to preorder this here book. I need more .380 ammunition.

Shameless, yes, but then, so’s the Pope.

 
 

Its great to adorn your bunker with gold.

You know who else adorned his bunker with gold?

 
 

Sengler, you won’t last 1 week during the End Times (not sure how long it lasts) if you don’t learn how to make your own munitions.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

If they’re buying so much of this picayune size of bullet, imagine what the market looks like for the big, man-stoppin’ cartridges?

Why oh why did I click that link with checking the address first?

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Veiled inadequate penis reference.

You obviously didn’t click on the “link.” (Veiled P*NIS reference)

 
 

A stunning debut novel of the zombie apocalypse in the bestselling traditions of Max Brooks and David Wellington.

ANOTHER book about Arnold Alkon????

 
 

not to be lookist or anything, but they looked pretty much how I would expect this kind of group to look.

Paddle faster! I hear banjo music!

 
His name is Yossarian, Sir
 

Hopefully they are always balanced by a liberal source such as Dick Morris.

That toe-sucking socialist? Always better to trust the bleeding-heart insights of an old softie like G. Gordon Liddy.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Truculent obviously did, though.

 
 

You obviously didn’t click on the “link.”

*I* didn’t have to! *I* checked the address first!

*glancing at T&U trying to clear her browser of cookies*

 
 

Its great to adorn your bunker with gold.

This fine young fellow?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Truculent obviously did, though.

I hate you.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

I got big yocks out of the mugshots, especially the Kenny Rogers hairstyle guy. The only one still in a real shirt.

 
 

“Cover to be revealed”?

Veiled condom reference?

 
 

O/T, but the Bishop of Cancun, Mexico says we really need to pardon these pederast priests, because they didn’t understand what they were doing. To back up this argument, he quoted “science” and also Jesus’ crying out “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.”

And he’s got a point. What with this modern world and its post-19th century confusing innovations, who could have really understood that raping children was really wrong? I mean, what, do Catholic priests go through some sort of training to differentiate between right & wrong? I think not.

 
 

Fucking HELL. Would you please put a “not worksafe” warning? and a “not safe for sane people” warning while you’re at it?

 
 

tsam said,

March 30, 2010 at 16:24

Ok, NSFW means Not Safe For Work.

This is NOT FIT FOR HUMAN VIEWING–NFHV

Please make a note of it.

Wouldn’t that be NFFHV?

As for usefullness of gold in apocalyptic situations, you are bound to run into some dumb guy who will take it in exchange of gun and some ammo. Then you can shoot him with the gun and take rest of his stuff.
Antibiotics and booze are better, butvolatile, and won’t stay for long.

As for the whole militia stuff; Why is it that all nutjob militias always practise shooting all the time, but never common sense?

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Truculent, your tradesperson status, the flannel shirts, the Indigo Girls tattoo and the Subaru were obvious enough clues, but your obvious disdain for a five-pound black cock the size of an adult dachshund tells me… Well, let’s just say, RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Why is it that all nutjob militias always practise shooting all the time, but never common sense?

Shooting easy. Thinking hard.

 
 

@El Cid,

It’s not like they are robbing banks, gosh.

 
 

Bishop of Cancun, Mexico

Our Lady of The Jello Shot?

 
 

“We’re not a militia, we’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune.”

 
 

It’s not like they are robbing banks, gosh.

Okay, but let’s not forget — if you’re robbing banks for freedom and because you hate government tyranny and socialestism, then, is it really wrong?

 
 

Well, let’s just say, RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

*unzip*

 
Even more Pedantic Asshole
 

It was an accident. And the injury cost me many weeks of rehab

Well, thankfully you survived.

My condolences on the scars.

 
 

Holy SHIT that was funny.

OMG.

It’s the rare and occasional understatement that really brings it home. Like “Hey, I just saw the antichrist! No, just kidding. You guys are fucking idiots.”

I’ll be laughing all the way to my work for the demon devil. No, just kidding. Although, the job is nbc.com….

 
 

As for the whole militia stuff; Why is it that all nutjob militias always practise shooting all the time, but never common sense?

Thinking doesn’t give you nearly the thrill or purpose PRACTICING FOR THE ENDTIMES (NIGH!) does.

 
 

Okay, two things: 1. To those of you intrepid (for “intrepid” read “batshitcrazy”) souls who went to that site, thank you for warning me. I WILL STAY IN THE BOAT. 2. Those mugshots are further proof, as if any more were needed, that inbreeding is wrong.

 
 

My condolences on the scars.

What scar?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

but your obvious disdain for a five-pound black cock the size of an adult dachshund tells me

Hey, now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here…

And it’s an Ani DiFranco tattoo, thankyouverymuch.

 
 

Okay, but let’s not forget — if you’re robbing banks for freedom and because you hate government tyranny and socialestism, then, is it really wrong?

True, the banks are insured by the gubbmint. I guess it is the parents fault — they shoulda gotten pederast insurance. Makes sense to my Free Market Mind.

 
 

/block quote fizail!

 
 

NSFH

(H = Humans).

But wingnuts will eat it up.

It seems right up their, um, er … alley.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Actually, in nearly every Post-Apocalyptic scenario out there, copper is the metal that is going to be the most valuable.

Hot damn, I knew saving all those pennies would pay off!

 
 

What to Bring to the Apocalypse, USAF version:

Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Have any of you seen the Hutaree recruiting video, BTW? I don’t have a link but I bet it’s not hard to find right about now. Fucken hilarious. They run around in the woods in the least huntsmanlike manner possible, throw smoke grenades about six feet in front of them and then run through the smoke so it kind of whirls out behind them and looks wicked cool, and — absolutely best of all — shoot about 600 rounds over the hood of a clapped out 1990 Buick standing in a field, then drive off in it like it was a Sonderkraftfahrzeug 251halftrack!

Also, the musical selection is priceless. I guess these guys went to art school in the 80s, like I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apmn9xMxiZ4

LINK! Totally SFW but NSFHV.

 
 

one miniature combination Russian phrase book

What if the zombies are Chinese? That’s more likely anyway, since there are so many more Chinese than Russians.

 
 

Oh, good, this should help calm everything down.

By the end of 2010, half of all commercial real estate mortgages in the United States could be “underwater,” according to the government’s Troubled Asset Relief Program watchdog.

If only ACORN and Jimmy Carter hadn’t made the banks give all that money to poor black business owners.

 
 

LINK! Totally SFW but NSFHV.

I do not believe you, Spengler.

 
 

Can you hear the wingnutters out there typing out their condemnation of what was done to those poor innocent christians?

I bet a few of them even bring up “innocent until proven guilty” as the reason they are SOOOOO upset.

Can ya hear ’em?

clickity clackity clickity clackity

BLARGH!

 
 

Citizen_X said,

March 30, 2010 at 17:17

What to Bring to the Apocalypse, USAF version:

Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

See, this is just what I was talking about: All the money equivalents to buy stuff, and a gun to make sure you are not robbed.

For christ sake, where are the water purification pills, cooking equipment, food gathering equipment ad general tools?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Can you hear the wingnutters out there typing out their condemnation of what was done to those poor innocent christians?

Naaaaah, they would never do that.

 
 

By the end of 2010, half of all commercial real estate mortgages in the United States could be “underwater,” according to the government’s Troubled Asset Relief Program watchdog.

We sure are exceptional, ain’t we’s?

By “underwater” do you mean BIBLICAL FLOOD?! I’m gettin’ nervous with all the end-times-talk.

 
Ted the Slacker
 

What to Bring to the Apocalypse, USAF version

Missing: two wetsuits.

 
 

Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff

Dr. Strangelove trivia – The original line called for Slim Pickens to say “Dallas”. After the JFK assassination they actually dubbed over it with “Vegas”.

And yes, I’ve seen the movie 56 1/2 times.

 
 

Hot damn, I knew saving all those pennies would pay off!

Only if they’re all pre-1982.

 
 

the Bishop of Cancun, Mexico says

That’s the same guy who said, in response to Mexico City’s new same-sex marriage policy, that such marriages “no tienen madre.”

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

OOOOH, wordpress, fuck you too. That sure was a long post.

Well, to paraphrase, Truculent had me at “DiFranco,’ I insist sjelly put on the old swim trunks and flippy floppies and get out of the boat because THOSE MANGOES ARE FREALZ, and Trotsky is clearly not a survivalist, because pennies are almost pure zinc these days. No good for makin’ deathnuggets.

 
 

no tienen madre.

Someone’s gotta catch.

 
 

Have any of you seen the Hutaree recruiting video, BTW?

“Bosska! Cha noomi! HO HO HO! Teeny Jed-i !”

 
 

For christ sake, where are the water purification pills, cooking equipment, food gathering equipment ad general tools?

What do you think the nylons and lipstick are for?

 
 

And yes, I’ve seen the movie 56 1/2 times.

I’ll shortly (NVPR) be buying the Blu-ray (VPR) version so I can watch it for the hundredth time, and giving my current DVD to my ‘rents so they can watch it for the thousandth.

 
 

Well, I went and took a look. And, amid all the goatse and black man gay porn, someone had the decency to simply post:

“penis”

http://www.hutaree.com/forum/read.php?12,4478

(wipes tear from eye)

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Gosh, I forgot to go to work. Excuse me.

 
 

I can watch it for the hundredth time, and giving my current DVD to my ‘rents so they can watch it for the thousandth

Y’know, lives are pretty cheap on the black market…

 
 

Noah’s Ark: Millenium Preparedness Website.

For most of us, a year’s worth of food is simply impossible for a number of reasons. Stan and I approach our Long-Term Storage with a three-month target, but you can alter the length to whatever you decide. Again, for a lot of people, there are practical problems to consider such as how to pay for these items, what specifically is needed and in what quantity, and what to do with it once you’ve got it. If you have a family of four or six, plus pets, it turns into some really meaningful figures.

A second point against storing huge quantities is safety. If you are known in your community to be hoarding, in times of scarcity, you could easily become a target from greed or hunger. That’s another reason why it is important to share this information with folks in your area.

Third, if under martial law you are known to have huge food reserves, it could be confiscated. It IS prudent however, to keep a reasonable amount of food, water and first aid on hand.

Fourth, besides the actual cost factor, how would you keep all that stuff organized? The key to effective home storage is rotation of nearly outdated items. Effective rotation can only be achieved through easy access to your supplies. This does not mean leaving your food jumbled in sacks straight from the grocery store. You’d spend half your time sorting through bags to locate an item.

Finally, if you store more than can be easily transport on your own back, you might have to leave the rest behind.

With these issues addressed, I can see you’re anxious to get started. Let’s do it!

 
 

Y’know, lives are pretty cheap on the black market…

Pre-apocalypse though. Get ’em while their living.

 
 

Don’t know why, but I’m getting the feeling that the link is the Internet’s version of the Event Horizon.

But no one’s come back screaming “liberate tutame!” yet…

 
 

A second point against storing huge quantities is safety.

Boy, don’t I know this. Just the other day I had to wear a jock under my tighty whities…

 
 

I’ve already got the guns. I figure when the apocalypse comes I can just shoot one of these survivalists and take all his shit.

It’ll be one-stop shopping.

 
 

Oh god I love the internets.

 
 

There are times when NSFW does not come close to doing the job. This is one of those cases. My eyes curse you.

 
 

“NSFW”? Surely there’s a stronger acronym than that.

 
 

“NSFW”? Surely there’s a stronger acronym than that.

NFSFW? Not Fucking Safe For Work? That work for you?

 
 

Bishop of Cancun, Mexico says we really need to pardon these pederast priests, because they didn’t understand what they were doing. To back up this argument, he quoted “science” and also Jesus’ crying out “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.”

The catholic church excommunicates people for being pro-choice, even if they’ve never gotten an abortion or assisted someone else in obtaining one, but PRIESTS RAPING CHILDREN is just too much of a gray area to raise a stink over. Actually,weren’t some of the parents and children threatened with excommunication if they revealed the abuse? I know some innocent priests were. So child-rape is a tiny sin of ignorance, reporting child-rape is a sin so grave you are cut off from the church forever?

 
 

This does not mean leaving your food jumbled in sacks straight from the grocery store. You’d spend half your time sorting through bags to locate an item.

Yeah, ’cause come the RAHOWA you’re going to have so many other things to do.

Those claymores aren’t going to arm themselves, after all.

 
 

So child-rape is a tiny sin of ignorance, reporting child-rape is a sin so grave you are cut off from the church forever?

Yes, because the children are guilty of the sin of temptation, while the priests & bishops of the far lesser sin of ignorance.

And women attempting to control their funny lady parts is the worst sin imaginable, so, yeah, duh.

 
 

“NSFW”? Surely there’s a stronger acronym than that.

DGNMECNUTPKMN

“DEAR GOD NOOOOO MY EYES CAN NEVER UNSEE THAT PLEASE KILL ME NOW”

 
 

I have Seen that which cannot be Unseen…

 
Junkpuncho the Junk-Punching Alpaca
 

Bishop of Cancun, Mexico says we really need to pardon these pederast priests

Sigh… I’ll see if I can fit in a trip down there, probably not before Friday.

It’s a working vacation, dammit.

 
 

Was I wrong or didn’t 4chan promise never to invade another website?

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

Was I wrong or didn’t 4chan promise never to invade another website?

Clearly it was a false-flag op by other Hutaree members to make 4chan look bad.

 
 

Junkpuncho the Junk-Punching Alpaca

Alpaca punch if upaca bag.

 
Ted the Slacker
 

“NSFW”? Surely there’s a stronger acronym than that.

DNGOTBTMHG

Do not get out the boat the mangoes have gonorrhea

 
 

I assume one of you has posted the legendary Squarsh Patch Defender over there.

You HAVE, haven’t you?

 
 

Clearly it was a false-flag op by other Hutaree members to make 4chan look bad.

Yes, those are all conservatives posting photos over there to make liberals look bad because they can make conservatives look bad by posting their own pictures over there.

 
 

Kong, where you in my gun club? Northern Ohio? Late 70’s? Efficient use of firepower, indeed!

 
 

DNGOTBTMHG

Do not get out the boat the mangoes have gonorrhea

DingoBottomHug!

 
 

“NSFW”? Surely there’s a stronger acronym than that.

“Hast thou seen the Yellow Sign?”

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

“Hast thou seen the Yellow Sign?”

“Do you read Sutter Cane?”

 
 

If not for your nym, I would have let this go

Even more Pedantic Asshole said,

March 30, 2010 at 16:52 (kill)

Plastic, not Silicon, sir.

Silicone.

 
 

“Do you read Sutter Cane?”

Carry on, Black Pit.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Junkpuncho the Junk-Punching Alpaca said,
March 30, 2010 at 17:51

Hey, do you mind dropping by here on the way? It won’t take long.

I guess I should first ask if you punch ladies’ junk as well.

 
 

If there’s one demographic advertisers aren’t paying attention to, its the end times crowd. I’m sure they’d buy all sorts of nonsense.

http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/

I so want to believe this works.

 
 

Yeah, ’cause come the RAHOWA you’re going to have so many other things to do.

Those claymores aren’t going to arm themselves, after all.

My survivalist tactics include RELEASE THE CRACKWHORE!

 
Junkpuncho the Junk-Punching Alpaca
 

I guess I should first ask if you punch ladies’ junk as well.

Absolutely – I am an equal-opportunity puncher of junk, though it seems to have a more pronounced effect on the menfolk.

Maybe all I need is practice!

Sunday OK?

 
 

I so want to believe this works.

That’s all you need to do for it to work.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Maybe all I need is practice!

Sunday OK?

This girl would be good practice because she weighs, like, 90 pounds. Sunday’s fine. Just a warning–she may be a little confused, as I’m not sure she knows what an alpaca is, much less a junk-punching alpaca.

 
Junkpuncho the Junk-Punching Alpaca
 

I’m not sure she knows what an alpaca is, much less a junk-punching alpaca.

Well, that’ll soon be cleared up. Sunday it is.

 
 

“Do you read Sutter Cane?”

I’m ashamed to admit I actually had to go to Teh Wiklepedia for that.

*hangs head*

 
 

This girl would be good practice because she weighs, like, 90 pounds.

The high point of LULZ in bad thrillers (Mission Impossible? I’ve thankfully blocked out the details) a normal-sized woman being describing as weighing 40 kilos. 88 pounds? Really? Because I hear that and I think anorexia or pedophilia.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Well, that’ll soon be cleared up. Sunday it is.

Thanks. This helps me hate my life a little less.

 
 

My survivalist tactics include RELEASE THE CRACKWHORE!

Actor LuLz!

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

I’m ashamed to admit I actually had to go to Teh Wiklepedia for that.

See, it’s because if you actually read this stuff, you will go crazy, begin bleeding from the eyes and try to kill Sam Neill with a fire axe.

 
 

Thanks. This helps me hate my life a little less.

The /b/tard-overrun-Huratee site should make you love your life. A lot.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The high point of LULZ in bad thrillers (Mission Impossible? I’ve thankfully blocked out the details) a normal-sized woman being describing as weighing 40 kilos. 88 pounds? Really? Because I hear that and I think anorexia or pedophilia.

Right??? I said something like that to Mr. T&U once, and he said, “Oh, I thought that was a normal weight for women.” Yeah, if they’re five feet tall, dumbass.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

The /b/tard-overrun-Huratee site should make you love your life. A lot.

*sigh* Alas, I can’t see it until I get home. And honestly, I’m kind of frightened.

 
 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 

I’m way too askeert to click. Can someone share some of the “safe” lulz?

 
 

*sigh* Alas, I can’t see it until I get home. And honestly, I’m kind of frightened.

Do not bother. Thanks to my alleged “smart phone,” my curiosity got the best of me, I dove in not knowing what exactly was in store for me. I was only recently revived.

It is…. graphic.

 
 

I said something like that to Mr. T&U once, and he said, “Oh, I thought that was a normal weight for women.”

Mrs. __B is quite petite, and I’m only just barely twice her weight. Makes us look like a sitcom couple: little hot chick with big slob.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

It is…. graphic.

On the OMG I Have to Scrub My Brain Scale in which a 1 represents CuteOverload and a 10 represents 2 Girls, 1 Cup, where does it rate?

 
 

See, it’s because if you actually read this stuff, you will go crazy, begin bleeding from the eyes and try to kill Sam Neill with a fire axe.

Which is what I’m given to understand the Huttaree board will do to you.

At least the first part, don’t know about the San Neill bit.

 
 

On the OMG I Have to Scrub My Brain Scale in which a 1 represents CuteOverload and a 10 represents 2 Girls, 1 Cup, where does it rate?

Apparently about a 35.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

T&U, it rates about a 12½.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

But I only made it through about 5 images… Then I poured Clorox in my eyes.

 
 

On the OMG I Have to Scrub My Brain Scale in which a 1 represents CuteOverload and a 10 represents ____[@Work Edit] where does it rate?

There’s no video but I’d say an easy 15.

 
 

T&U, it rates about a 12½.

Hmm, it seems Marion isn’t as put off as I am by, shall we say,******** while they ********* in the *** as they *** **** ******.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Mrs. __B is quite petite, and I’m only just barely twice her weight. Makes us look like a sitcom couple: little hot chick with big slob.

The thing is, I think he knew what my weight was. I’m tall and, well, stacked, but he must think I’m a fucking giant alongside the average woman.

 
 

I’m way too askeert to click. Can someone share some of the “safe” lulz?

It’s black gay pr0n meets The Aristocrats. In pictures. Nuff sed?

 
 

“On the OMG I Have to Scrub My Brain Scale in which a 1 represents CuteOverload and a 10 represents 2 Girls, 1 Cup, where does it rate?”

Around a 15 — the extra it will take to get the images out of your mind.

In all honesty, the first part with the coprophiliaJapanese Hentai (sp?) worst, after that its just black males having sex with eachother.

I hope I saved the inconvenience of looking, its not worth the trip, really.

 
 

Frankly, its a bit childish, all the OMG BLACK GUYS! HOMOS!

Very seventh-grade male thing, racist/homophobic white boys. Even though their smear of the was nice, I am bothered by the use of racism and homophobia as an acceptable insult toward someone.

 
 

Yeah. I’m definitely not clicking.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m way too askeert to click. Can someone share some of the “safe” lulz?

It’s black gay pr0n meets The Aristocrats. In pictures. Nuff sed?

Really?

You guys are wimps.

 
 

You’re better off spending your money on booze and antibiotics.

And TOILET PAPER! Worth it’s weight in gold, I say.

And Major Kong, where do you live?

 
 

I still say it needs that pic of Squarsh Patch Defender “Lady” as balance.

Even though I han’t seen it, mind you.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 
 

I am bothered by the use of racism and homophobia as an acceptable insult toward someone.

I’m going to pretend the deal is “What do these Christian militia guys least want to see on their site?”

 
 

Wouldn’t that be NFFHV?

No. When I fabricated it, I decided that it should be a 4-letter acronym. 5 letter acronyms are like the 6 minute abs of the acronym world.

 
 

Well yeah, I know Substance, I just had to be the No -Fun Liberal Church Lady and mention it.

 
 

You guys are wimps.

Yeah, well, when I realized it wasn’t some sort of bizarre tube-shaped serving of yellowish caviar that guy was eating I got the fuck out.

 
 

The LulZ?

Have you ever tossesed M&Ms into your mouth?

Change out M&Ms for poop out of your own ass and you have what we have here.

 
 

I am bothered by the use of racism and homophobia as an acceptable insult toward someone.

I’m going to pretend the deal is “What do these Christian militia guys least want to see on their site?”

It’s not exactly racism nor homophobia. The assumption is that the Xian not-militiamen are also white supremacists. The b/tards are looking forward to them getting prison raped by darkies. Their worst fears, one might say.

FYWP Also too.

 
 

Sounds like linky is less mangos and more manchineel.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Yeah, well, when I realized it wasn’t some sort of bizarre tube-shaped serving of yellowish caviar that guy was eating I got the fuck out.

Okay, yeah, no. I take that back.

 
 

it wasn’t some sort of bizarre tube-shaped serving of yellowish caviar

Now I’m jonesing for caviar. DAMN YOU!

 
 

must…unsee…go to your happy place…

 
 

There’s no video but I’d say an easy 15.

I’d say it’s about 2/3rds of the full /b/ experience. In other words, yeah, about a 15.

There’s still a lot of downhill left.

 
 

I’m not teh gay just bored.

 
 

Now I’m jonesing for caviar. DAMN YOU!

Really? Because I never want to eat again EVER.

 
 

shit you not said,
March 30, 2010 at 19:09 (kill)

I’m not teh gay just bored.

Okay heterosexuals of indeterminate sex! This one’s available!

 
 

Because I never want to eat again EVER.

Apparently you can just stuff things up the other direction and survive.

 
 

OT, but I want this for my birthday.

I..just…WOW. Heart-shaped Box caveat emptor issues aside, you had me at perverse, lost me at bed post, tempted me back with the ‘orface.’

 
 

Really? Because I never want to eat again EVER.

In my infinite wisdom, I set up our office totally open – just a bunch of desks (two per person) in a big room. Anything on my screen is visible to my employees. I can get away with useless crap like, say, S, N!, but I avoid looking at goatse.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I..just…WOW. Heart-shaped Box caveat emptor issues aside, you had me at perverse, lost me at bed post, tempted me back with the ‘orface.’

“She often stinks of cheap whiskey and sex” caught my eye. Awww, we have something in common!

 
 

little hot chick with big slob.

Calling your wife a big slob is no way to endear yourself to her.

 
 

but I avoid looking at goatse

Its a real good motivator to work hard and go home. And cry.

 
 

“She often stinks of cheap whiskey and sex” caught my eye

The object of the modifier “cheap” is unclear and, I think, vital to some point.

 
 

On the OMG I Have to Scrub My Brain Scale in which a 1 represents CuteOverload and a 10 represents 2 Girls, 1 Cup, where does it rate?

Think “threesome of Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, and John McCain”

 
 

Calling your wife a big slob is no way to endear yourself to her.

You’d better be nice to her. Little people can be vicious – get them angry and they’ll bite your kneecaps off.

 
 

I am bothered by the use of racism and homophobia as an acceptable insult toward someone

I took it as parody.

 
 

Apparently you can just stuff things up the other direction and survive.

Or at least be the talk of emergency room personnel for decades.

 
 

You’d better be nice to her.

I’m always nice to chicks.

In this case, that may be literal

 
 

I avoid looking at goatse.

Even this?

 
 

Cmon, N__B…you know you want to….go ahead! No one’s looking…they’re all at lunch!

 
 

Or at least be the talk of emergency room personnel for decades.

Trust me – they’ll LOVE you for it.

(And no “I (heart) Hutterees” jokes, either? Where did you guys get your Pop Culture Reference licenses, in a Crackerjack box?)

 
 

Where did you guys get your Pop Culture Reference licenses, in a Crackerjack box?

Shut up Mr. Can’t-Make-A-♥

 
 

Where did you guys get your Pop Culture Reference licenses, in a Crackerjack box?

No, two for one sale at Sears.

And if you use that without my permission, I’ll slap you with more suits than Men’s Warehouse.

 
 

What’s so ? about making a ?-on?

 
 

Grrrrrrrr, FYWP, that was perfect in preview…

 
 

I just realize I should have said “Crakerback jox”.

You know, like where you get a two-bit ring from.

 
 

I’ll slap you with more suits than Men’s Warehouse.

Hang ’em!

 
 

You know, like where you get a two-bit ring from.

I sell eet to you for five thousand dollars!

 
 

Could Huttaree be some weird devolution from Hutterites?

Hutterites (German: Hutterer) are a communal branch of Anabaptists who, like the Amish and Mennonites, trace their roots to the Radical Reformation of the 16th century. Since the death of their founder Jakob Hutter in 1536, the beliefs of the Hutterites, especially living in a community of goods and absolute pacifism, have resulted in hundreds of years of odyssey through many countries. Nearly extinct by the 18th and 19th century, the Hutterites found a new home in North America. Over 125 years their population grew from 400 to around 42,000.

 
 

I sell eet to you for five thousand dollars!

What kind of a chump do you take me for!?!

 
 

So yeah, the hutaree site is blocked here at work. But that really just upped the ante so I picked up the ole web enabled phone and…

now I need to go find some brain bleach.

Still, pretty frickin hilarious.

 
 

“I’ll slap you with more suits than Men’s Warehouse.”

Yes, where you’ll be collared, tied and pressed under a bright dangling bare bulb. And that will put a crease in your day, believe me.

 
 

What kind of a chump do you take me for!?!

First class!

 
 

The one CNN article I read said it meant “Christian Warrior” in a secret language. So, apparently Klingon wasn’t nerdy enough for them.

 
 

Hutteree, hutterah, huteree, hutterah-ha ha ha ha!

 
 

Well, the dedication of the webpage is “In memory of Keebelik”

So this language, which allows their leader to be called “AssHurling”, needs work.

 
 

The one CNN article I read said it meant “Christian Warrior” in a secret language.

Could “secret language” = Deseret?

 
 

Hutaree’s information sources (God’s honest truth!):

Just some of the various information sources we use
Alphie Omega Training
Lessgov2007 Blog

Financial Times

Asia Times

Worthy Christian News

WorldNetDaily – A Free Press for a Free People

Jerusalem Post – Breaking News from Israel, the Middle East and the Jewish World

Military Space News, Nuclear Weapons, Missile Defense

Jack Van Impe Ministries

Real Truth Magazine

The European Union Army

EUobserver.com

EUROPA – Gateway to the European Union

Western European Union – Union de l’Europe Occidentale

CNSNews.com: The Cybercast News Service

Times of Noah – Current Events and Bible Prophecy

Christian Apologetic Web Site; Countercult; Evangelism

 
 

I love to go a Hater-ing along a mountain track,
And as I go a Hater-ing I sing this song, my knapsack on my back!

Hutteree, hutterah, huteree, hutterah-ha ha ha ha!

 
 

Hutteree, hutterah, huteree
I got God wit me
Hutteree, hutterah, huteree
and my old 838
Hutteree, hutterah, huteree, hutterah-ha ha ha
my boyfriend really is my pa
Hutteree, hutterah, huteree, hutterah-ha ha ha ha!
I make up my own law

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Well, the dedication of the webpage is “In memory of Keebelik”

Good lord. It’s like they’re seventh-grade nerds with their own little clique.

 
 

one miniature combination Russian phrase book

My hovercraft is full of eels.

 
 

These were not the type of nutjobs I was hoping they’d catch. This must have been like shooting fish in a barrell.

Or the FBI is not what we think it is.

 
 

Keebelik?

Beware the trees! they’re full of elves! with cookies!

 
 

Well, the dedication of the webpage is “In memory of Keebelik”

What about the Keebelik elves? Won’t someone think of the Keebelik elves?

 
 

Goddamn it. My best line of the day…

 
 

barrel

Jesus H. Christ, my excitement to post always gets in the way of my ability to edit.

 
 

Jack Van Impe Ministries

OH, cripes.

That’s a rich vein of whacky right there.

And “Deseret” is just an alphabet, not a language. Fuck.

I knew there was a reason I gave up Mormoning.

 
 

I wouldn’t take a cookie from any of those geeks if I saw them in a forest, honestly.

 
 

On the radio they pronounced it hu-TAR-ee, like film.

Oh great. Now every time I hear about these schmucks I’m gonna get this stuck in my head.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I wouldn’t take a cookie from any of those geeks if I saw them in a forest, honestly.

If an elf gave you a cookie in the forest, would the Pope shit in a bear’s hat?

 
 

These were not the type of nutjobs I was hoping they’d catch.

But were they the droids we were looking for?

 
 

Maybe they’re HOOTeries…and they’re just really, REALLY against litter. Or really, REALLY for chicken wings.

 
 

shooting fish in a barrell

French Freedom Fish.

 
 

Also, I-❤-anythingbees is not a valid cultural reference. The movie was neither good enough nor bad enough to be memorable in the slightest beyond the title.

 
 

If you gave an elf a cookie, he’d probably want some milk.

 
 

HA!

There’s a forum thread on the topic of their language. So far, safe for work.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Some thoughts on the Hutaree lingo

“# Boramander (BM)” BM–ha!

 
 

“Also, I-?-anythingbees is not a valid cultural reference. The movie was neither good enough nor bad enough to be memorable in the slightest beyond the title.”

Actually, I really liked it.

 
 

Boramander

Bora Commander. Tora Bora?

 
 

Maybe they’re HOOTeries…and they’re just really, REALLY against litter. Or really, REALLY for chicken wings.

No these are the HOOTeries. May they live long and prosper.

 
 

Me: “I wonder what NSFW means . . .. GAAAAHHHH!”

 
 

There’s a forum thread on the topic of their language. So far, safe for work.

I find that hard to believe.

 
 

Me: “I wonder what NSFW means . . .. GAAAAHHHH!”

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=NSFW

 
 

Give an elf a cookie, he eats for a day. Teach an elf to bake, and you will have decades of annoying tv commercials.

 
 

I find that hard to believe.

It gets a little dicey on page three.

 
 

A highlight:

“I have always thought of Christ as more of a militant and I am glad to have found some kindred souls.”

*faceplant*

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

There’s a forum thread on the topic of their language. So far, safe for work.

I read the first few posts. I legitimately think at least some of these people are developmentally delayed.

 
 

The Huttaree mainly had to prepare for war with their rivals, the Torothans.

 
 

“Arggg…HOOTeries.”

I started laughing as soon as I saw the title and the mugshots. Hooteries, indeed!

 
 

If you give an elf a cookie, he’ll eat for a day. If you teach an elf how to bake, he’ll establish an enormous corporation exploiting child labor selling non-nutritious “food” to people who pay for it with their food stamps.

 
 

I legitimately think at least some of these people are developmentally delayed.

They’re delayed like the Titanic is delayed.

 
 

“I read the first few posts. I legitimately think at least some of these people are developmentally delayed.”

It’s good stuff! I’m going back right now. MUST.POKE.BEARS.

 
 

If you teach an elf how to bake, he’ll establish an enormous corporation exploiting child labor selling non-nutritious “food” to people who pay for it with their food stamps.

In fairness, Pecan Sandies go great with stale coffee.

 
 

Damn you justme. I had to run to the bathroom.

 
 

developmentally delayed.

TU, FTW!

 
 

“Maybe they’re HOOTeries…and they’re just really, REALLY against litter. Or really, REALLY for chicken wings.”

And dress up in leotards and tight tank tops with big O’s over their man boobs?

 
 

If you give an elf a cookie, he’ll eat for a day. If you teach an elf how to bake, he’ll establish an enormous corporation exploiting child labor selling non-nutritious “food” to people who pay for it with their food stamps.

Unless you give him a cookie after midnight.

 
 

If you give an elf a cookie, he’ll eat for a day.

Give a man a fire, he’ll be warm a day. Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

 
 

“And dress up in leotards and tight tank tops with big O’s over their man boobs?”

Oh shit. Is it getting hot in here?

 
 

Titles are a valid pop culture reference!

 
 

Give a man a fire, he’ll be warm a day. Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

Some life lessons just can’t be learned pretending to be god’s chosen warriors.

 
 

I had to run to the bathroom.

Remove the Poop now!

 
 

“corporation exploiting child labor selling non-nutritious “food” to people who pay for it with their food stamps.”

..from little convenience stores run by newly minted wealthy middle eastern immigrants who never, ever sweep the floor and believe that the good presence of their offerings over-rides the ten times over retail that they charge.

Some damn elves those Hooterees.

 
 

Titles are a valid pop culture reference!

Oh, titLes! I thought you misspelled titties.

 
 

“Oh shit. Is it getting hot in here?”

No, its not, keep your damn shirt on, I don’t wanna see them!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Oh, titLes! I thought you misspelled titties.

Ha! I did, too. I think I need new glasses.

 
 

Titles are a valid poop culture reference!

fiks

 
 

MUST.POKE.BEARS.

Define “bears”.

 
 

You bespectacled people get the advantage of seeing two worlds…one with glasses and one….whoa! What’s that?!

If I wore glasses when I was a pot head way back, oh the tripping.

 
 

Oh, I was going to post this before, in the ass-aerosol thread, but I forgot. So, re: chortling emergency room staff, Things I Learn From My Patients.

It’s been around for ages, but still makes me lol.

#2- That if you are a lieutenant colonel and you’re going to shove your pager (his military issued pager complete with the clip holder thing) up your ass, and need to go to a hospital to have it removed, a few pointers:
a. Don’t go to a military hospital
b. If you are going to go to a military hospital, remember not to go to the one on the base you work at.
c. The respiratory therapist (me) shouldn’t be asking you for the pager number, not even “because we have to have the number for the report.”
d. Don’t be surprised when the ER staff amuses themselves for several hours while waiting on an OR to become available, by paging you repeatedly and watching you jump.

.

self injecting boiling crisco into the urethra will not resolve an erectile dysfunction… no matter how many times your best friend assures you.

.

Cockrings. One of the few reasons for a maintenance worker consult.

 
 

Maybe that was too short.

Here you can read about the Keebler militia.

 
 

OK, the anon post on page 2 snuck up on me…but I scrolled past it before I could get a good handle on what I was seeing. Definitely NSFW and I will be staying here for the duration. *fucking shudder*

 
 

Oh, titLes! I thought you misspelled titties.

Titties are even more valid as a reference.

 
 

There’s a forum thread on the topic of their language. So far, safe for work.

Page two of that forum thread, not so much. As in, Very Not So Much.

*Pops out eyes*

 
 

My links are “safe” for work. Ha ha ha ha….

 
 

What the Slayer of Vacuums said.

 
 

“Define “bears”.

Not teddy.
Not ghey.
But right-wing Christianists.

 
 

self injecting boiling crisco into the urethra will not resolve an erectile dysfunction

I hate you.

 
 

You bespectacled people get the advantage of seeing two worlds…one with glasses and one….whoa! What’s that?!

Three if you count the times when one contact lens falls out.

 
 

d. Don’t be surprised when the ER staff amuses themselves for several hours while waiting on an OR to become available, by paging you repeatedly and watching you jump.

I bet his soldier stood at quivering attention, too.

 
 

But right-wing Christianists.

Big hairy man-Christians?

 
 

Page two of that forum thread, not so much. As in, Very Not So Much.

Hey now! You had to see it coming, given that there was plenty of warning if you paid attention to the date of the posts and the content (re: the arrests).

Don’t go blaming the pedophile priest for your sins!

 
 

“Big hairy man-Christians?”

People. Quit trying to get me hot.

 
 

DFHs at it again…

I thought the handcuffs would curious intrigue him.

 
 

self injecting boiling crisco into the urethra will not resolve an erectile dysfunction

But it does make for a nice baste when you pop the bird into an oven.

 
 

“DFHs at it again…”

See? SEE? The left does it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 

And it not just that looking at it is brane-scalding, and it’s not just that it’s out there that is disturbing, it’s that people like looking at it.

*Glances at Actor*

 
 

“curiousLY”….I blame the opaquearchy.

 
 

By the way, one of those Keebler elves’ specialties is “Fudge Artist.”

 
 

it’s that people like looking at it.

*Glances at Actor*

Whut? Whaddamiss?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I thought the handcuffs would curious intrigue him.

That is truly the most disgusting thing I’ve read all day.

 
 

See? SEE? The left does it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those peaceniks are so damn violent. Like, CHILLL!

 
 

By the way, one of those Keebler elves’ specialties is “Fudge Artist.”

Working in the Santorium, no doubt.

 
 

See? SEE? The left does it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, interrupting a jerkhole sociopath’s speech is JUST EXACTLY LIKE cutting a gas line to a Congressman’s brother’s home.

‘Cause shut up, that’s why.

 
 

Irk Irkson lied:

Last week, I was playing in the yard with my 4 year old when Santa Claus the UPS Man showed up. The 4 year old took the package from his hands, tore open the envelope, and said, “Hey, that’s that cute guy from TV.”

A review copy of Sean Hannity’s new book, Conservative Victory, had arrived.

First, he says his son is three. Now he says he’s four. Can he not make up his mind????

Second, did you notice how his son thinks Sean is “cute”? Here we have an obviously uncloseted homersexual, probably molested by his dad. His dad, the knowing patrician and homersexual-accepting father, will be representing the heartland viewpoint on America and American culture on CNN.

HIS SON IS GEHY! How can CNN allow such a morally bankrupt American represent the people of God?? The ones who attend church evedry Sunday and send their kids to Bible camp with the nice young minister with the perfect hair, who smells a little like burnt rope?????

 
 

Don’t go blaming the pedophile priest for your sins!

True, true. I went there, and will have nightmares for days as a result of my own foolishness.

*Glares at self*

 
The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
 

Ah, the native wild brook trout! The delicate aquatic gems of fontinalis! A greater quarry I have never known! A better friend of the spring bloosm bloom I have never had! Her beauty more refined than that of many maidens! Her company more desired than the kisses of queens! Ever since that first time she bite the end of my line on that crisp cool spring morning many years ago I have been forever captivatied! Their is no fish more worthy of the title of gamefish than the brook trout! And no other fisherman more worthy of the title angler than the fisherman who pursues this most elegant, most majestic treasure of American waters! Brook Trout! The only fish truly worthy of the title of game fish!

 
 

‘Cause shut up, that’s why.

HURATEE HURATAA!

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Mrs. __B is quite petite, and I’m only just barely twice her weight. Makes us look like a sitcom couple: little hot chick with big slob.

BONER

 
 

“There’s a forum thread on the topic of their language. So far, safe for work.”

It makes the first round look tame. Really, why don’t I ever listen when I’m told something? Why don’t I just stay put? Why?

 
 

By the way, one of those Keebler elves’ specialties is “Fudge Artist.”

Speaking of /b/tards…

 
 

Ever since that first time she bite the end of my line on that crisp cool spring morning many years ago I have been forever captivatied!

A tetanus shot will clear that right up.

 
 

The only fish truly worthy of the title of game fish!

Does it come out on XBox soon?

 
 

who smells a little like burnt rope?????

“Rope burns? That’s what the kids are calling it these days?

What?

Or is he just a hemp-cat?

What?

 
 

“Yep, interrupting a jerkhole sociopath’s speech is JUST EXACTLY LIKE cutting a gas line to a Congressman’s brother’s home.”

Hey, don’t blame me; I craft all my opinions from things I hear on “Morning Joe.” If Mika says it,it must be true.

 
 

Really, why don’t I ever listen when I’m told something?

Because you’re liberal.

 
 

A review copy of Sean Hannity’s new book, Conservative Victory, had arrived.

And the cover art is a picture of the Hindeberg’s safe docking in Lakehurst, right?

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Mika’s daddy must be so disappointed…

 
 

“A review copy of Sean Hannity’s new book, THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, had arrived and I jizzed on it instantly.”

Fxd.

 
 

And the cover art is a picture of the Hindeberg’s safe docking in Lakehurst, right?

Mein eyes hast seen der gory.

 
 

n then there were none.

 
 

Marion, don’t get me started on Mika… she’s almost as horrifying as the anon pranks.

 
 

e put me there instead of u.

 
 

Post-posting proofreads, my fave!

 
 

actor212 said,
March 30, 2010 at 20:22

Irk Irkson lied:

Does Irk’s son Irck know about what this “cute guy from TV” really is?

[Full discloure: It was the first article I could find on the subject. I’m not trying to exhibit my pro-Long Island bias — because it sucks.]

 
 

Link fail… you know what I’m getting at.. right? With the charity?

http://news.google.com/news/search?aq=f&pz=1&cf=all&ned=us&hl=en&q=sean+hannity,+charity

 
Eugene Blackford
 

Alas ye country bumpkin brook trout angler! The brown trout is the only fish truly worthy of the title gamefish! A truly challenging quarry if I may say so sir. An highly intelligent and most refined aquatic quarry which takes many years of developed angling skills to persuade one to take an artificial fly. Brook Trout are merely coarse beasts no more challenging that a child could walk down to the nearest country stream and grab one out of the water with his hands. An immensely stupid creature more suited for the title of trash fish than game fish. Only unrefined hillbillies such as yourself sir would pursue such a mediocre, unworthy quarry such as a brook trout. It takes a true angler to catch a brown trout. Any village idiot with a baited string and a bucket could catch a brook trout.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Not teddy.
Not ghey.
But right-wing Christianists.

Wouldn’t an invasion of /b/ necessarily make all “bears” pedo?

 
 

Any village idiot with a baited string and a bucket could catch a brook trout.

Meh. Fragmentation grenades and get cutthroats.

 
 

Brook trout? Brown Trout?
Sissies!

 
 

It takes a true angler to catch a brown trout.

Veiled Mandingo reference

 
 

The second time I read it Captain Ahab and the whale became good friends.

 
 

I’m sad I know the answer to that. And it’s because someone here at S,N introduced me to encyclopaedia dramatica awhile back.

 
 

Alas ye country bumpkin-flesh angler! The brown eye is the only fish truly worthy of the title gamefish! A truly challenging quarry if I may say so sir. A highly intelligent and most refined barnyard quarry which takes many years of developed wader skills to persuade one to take a liking to one’s fly. Trout are merely coarse beasts no more challenging than a child. Why, I could walk to the nearest country store and grab one out of the building with my own hands. An immensely stupid creature more suited for the title of trash white than game class. Only unrefined hillbillies such as yourself sir would pursue such a mediocre, unworthy quarry such as a little trout. It takes a true angler to catch a brown eye in the stanchion. Any village idiot with a baited line and a bucket could catch a trout.

 
 

They claimed Hutaree is a word in their secret language.

Is it some local way to pronounce “Who’s the real (man/American)”?

Me thinks we don’t need navaho indians to crack this “language”.

 
 

According to this, The world is only 13.7 years old. I *is* on the Internets, amirite?

 
 

But will I get to ride dinosaurs? That’s the only thing I really care about.

 
 

The world universe is only 13.7 years old. It *is* on the Internets, amirite?

sowwy, i stoopid.

Need some more rubber cement/coffee.

 
 

That poor Japanese lady sure has figured out how to catch the brown trout.

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

But will I get to ride dinosaurs?

In Christianist Hutaree Prison-land, dinosaur rides YOU!

 
The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
 

Ah ye elitist brown trout angler! Bringing an invasive aquatic pest from England to ruin our pristine American trout habitat are we! I must disagree in the strongest possible terms to your crude characterization of our native wild brook trout. Brook Trout are an highly intelligent quarry which takes considerable angling skill to get one to bite. Their fighting ability is unmatched by any of the other salmonid species. Their brooks, rivers and streams they inhabit are pristine coldwater wilderness of insurpassable beauty. The brown trout is an great coarse, brown, ugly beast of the filthy warm water farm rivers of England! And you sir who dares support the introduction of this invasive brute into our pristine American waters have the tenacity to call yourself an angler?! If you enjo fishing for such rough trash fish as the brown trout you might as well consider taking up carp fishing as well.

 
 

“In Christianist Hutaree Prison-land, dinosaur rides YOU!”

Well. That will make my donkey shows seem comparatively tame.

 
 

*Sigh*

All this carping about fish. The trout be told, I couldn’t give a fin.

*runs*

 
 

Psst…Esteev

REFILE (Restores dropped word ‘billion’ in first paragraph)

 
 

But will I get to ride dinosaurs?

lulz! dibs on a trike. (Not Irk’s)

 
 

Someone must think the Hutarees really fear/hate smileys – there’s about 20,000 of them there. Mind you, smileys ARE Lucifer’s little helpers, so there’s that.

Grrrrrrrr, FYWP, that was perfect in preview…

If you want to see ” ℥” & not “?” after you post, try putting a semicolon after the XHTML (warning: WordPress is a capricious bastard & may still nom your fancy hieroglyphics anyway). Now … let’s see if you just wind up getting “?” twice or what.

 
 

Brook Trout used to do the news on CBS

 
 

If you want to see ” ?” & not “?” after you post, try putting a semicolon after the XHTML

Yea, see, the only trouble with that is I was posting from Character Map.

 
 

All this carping about fish. The trout be told, I couldn’t give a fin.

I reel-y hope you won’t go there.

 
 

universe is only 13.7 years old

So the Clinton Administration never really happened?

 
 

REFILE (Restores dropped word ‘billion’ in first paragraph)

Actor, the confusion could create a whole new religion.

Reuters, you are on notice.

 
 

They fixt is Actor. They must be reading S,N! Specifically, my comments.

 
 

I reel-y hope you won’t go there.

What, you want him to feel like a pike-r? That’s pretty crappie.

 
 

All this carping about fish. The trout be told, I couldn’t give a fin.

I’m picking up your shark.

 
 

I reel-y hope you won’t go there.

OK, I won’t, it was just something to octopi everyone.

 
 

Oh, now, don’t be koi.

 
 

Actor, the confusion could create a whole new religion.

All hail K! All hail K! Oh-oh, K can you see…………..

 
Xecky Gilchrist
 

So the Clinton Administration never really happened?

Oh, it did, but it was very early.

The Big Bang, if you will.

 
 

Were one of you recently visiting India?

AN ALLEGEDLY drunk man was found in a commercial jet engine as it was being prepared for take-off.

The man was only spotted when an engineering and security team member saw a leg dangling from the rear of the engine at Indira Gandhi International Airport (IGI) in Delhi.

The plane, an Indian Airlines Airbus A-320, was being prepared for its first flight of the day two hours before scheduled departure to Raipur, The Times of India reported.

Rubbing his eye in disbelief and after checking again to make sure it wasn’t a delusion, the engineer informed others, who then rushed to the engine.

When confronted the man said he reached the airport in a truck and then went to sleep behind the biggest fan on a hot Delhi night.

I like how they’re careful to note he was allegedly drunk, as maybe there was another explanation, and they’d hate to libel the man.

 
 

Ono, I get really tired of these fish pun sessions. I mean, you guys all whale at me about making stupid cracks and stuff, and then you turn around on porpoise and start making these.

 
 

the Hutaree recruiting video

is pretty rad, but actually has weird 80s music from England (not Germany). That’s the Sisters of Mercy. I’m kind of thinking that someone else made that particular soundtrack decision, too.

 
 

Boy, you guys are floundering today.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Looch said,
March 30, 2010 at 20:53 (kill)

Truth be told, in my head, I keep reading your name as “Loach”.

 
 

“All this carping about fish. The trout be told, I couldn’t give a fin.”

You know I salmon see a trout around here but holding one of slippery those things gives me the gelfite if you know what I mean. So I’ll stay perched here.

 
 

Don’t give me the Wall Eye!

 
 

I have to guppy, but I’ll be right back.

 
 

Get new glasses.

 
 

You call yourselves anglers? Hah! Any idiot with a 240 volt 3 phase generator can catch as many trout as he can carry and more! Now your freshwater Kraken, there’s a game mollusc! In frontier days one juvenile Kraken was enough to pull 30 hungry pioneer fishermen to a watery grave. With fishery stocking and catch and release fishing specimens of up to 9 tons are not unheard of. All the enterprising sportsmen needs to take up Kraken fishing can be carried on a mid size Grab dredger of no more than 750 tons displacement. In addition to the afore mentioned grab dredger you will need 3.5 km of 20 aught steel cable, a barbed hook (2-4m), 300 pounds of bait (humpback whale is preferred but spotted owl will do in a pinch) and maybe 600 or 700 gallons of chum.

 
 

Or have a sturgeon operate on your eyes.

 
 

With fishery stocking

Sounds vaguely sexual.

 
Eugene Blackford
 

Alas ye country bumpkin brook trout angler! Are you merely ignorant of the aristocratic nature of the elusive brown trout or are you just plain unrefined?! Brown Trout are highly intelligent and cautious by nature. They known the difference between a caddis fly and an artifcial imitation. Which is why it takes great angling skill, something I sincerely doubt you possess, to get one to bite. The simple minded, backwoods anglers of the great lakes states refer to the muskie as the fish of 10,000 casts when in reality it is a title more suited to that of the brown trout. Many an experienced angler has cast into an English trout stream without so much as a nibble at the end of their line. Alas the pride an angler gets when this magnificient game fish has been conquered! The fisherman who gets a brown trout to bite and puts one on the table is a true angler indeed.

 
 

These fish puns are Kraken me up.

Hey, don’t hate me because I thought of it first!

 
 

Alas the pride an angler gets when this magnificient game fish has been conquered! The fisherman who gets a brown trout to bite and puts one on the table is a true angler indeed.

Fishing, truly an erotic sport.

On paper.

 
 

brown trout

Veiled POOP reference.

 
 

Brown, brook…nothing compares to Trouser trout

 
 

your freshwater Kraken, there’s a game mollusc!

And breaded and pan-fried, you’ve got some lip-smaken Kraken!

 
 

These puns are making me Blue.

ugh, i’m lamer than usual today.

 
 

And breaded and pan-fried, you’ve got some lip-smaken Kraken!

I prefer it barbecued….you know, diced really tiny and then cooked in a grill over an open flame? Haken Kraken, that’s the way to do it.

 
 

ugh, i’m lamer than usual today.

Grouper hug!

 
 

brown trout

Veiled POOP reference.

And brown eye was a not-so-veiled POOPER reference.

 
 

Grouper hug!

That’s a moray!

 
 

Walu know what I’m herring round here, though it may be hoki, is how Obama is some sort of dumb bass, and the sole reason people like me think health care can help minnow is ’cause, walu know, Obama’s a smoothtongue, an inexperienced cobbler with not a sole accomplishment, a tailor who’s a real loosejaw, a snakeshead liar when what we need is a true man-o-war.

 
 

Ever tried Chilean sea bass chopped up in a blender and served with crushed ice? Mmm. Orange roughy smoothie.

 
 

Haken Kraken, that’s the way to do it.

All that dicing and slicing is too much work. I’m kinda slaken when it comes to Kraken.

 
 

we need is a true man-o-war.

have a chiclid. It’ll help you feel better.

 
 

I’m kinda slaken when it comes to Kraken.

You shouldn’t be busy maken when it’s time for Kraken, Jacken

 
 

Meh, it’s all about the Eveready Pocket Trout.

Yes, I have one.

 
 

Eveready Pocket Trout.

It just keeps coming and coming…

 
The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
 

Ah ye elitist brown trout angler! For that is what you are an elitist! A course fisherman with an undeserved elitist attitude! As I said earlier your beloved brown trout is merely a rough brutish, trashfish that has been stocked in our pristine American trout waters by highly scrupulous individuals of a most unscientific nature. The fact that they are mating with our native wild brook trout and forming the even more course and disgusting tiger trout is the final straw! You call yourself an angler and yet you come here to my country from England with your filthy invasive brown trash fish and slander our native aquatic gems while ruining an already complex and well established ecosystem! You sir are not even a gentleman much less an angler! If you enjoy fishing for your prized brown trout fish for them in England where they belong instead of bringing them here to fish for them and causing them to breed with our native brook trout populations and possible erradicate an entire species! Already our native populations of wild brook trout are at an all time low thanks to the breeding habits of your disgusing course English beasts! You sir can take your beloved brown trout and choke on it!

 
 

You shouldn’t be busy maken when it’s time for Kraken, Jacken

Hey! Who’s got time these days for all that food prep? It’s not like the White House kitchen around my place.

Yep, there’s Baraken Kraken at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, you betcha!

 
 

Shorter The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher: Keep your dirty Messicans out of Murica!

 
 

Yep, there’s Baraken Kraken at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, you betcha!

Keep in mind that Sunday is Easter so his schedule be Staken. You can haken Kraken then.

 
 

Allegedly drunk, possibly a very frugal terrorist?

 
 

You can haken Kraken then.

Unless of course you have a date and will be liken Kraken…

 
 

Jaw Drawp

yeah, there are some, you know, incidents that still happen with regards to racism, but most of the claims I’ve said for years, well, they’re not really real. But I realize now that I was wrong. For I now too feel the pain of racism. Racism has been dropped at my front door and the front door of all lighter-skinned Americans. The health care bill the president just singed into law includes a 10 percent tax on all indoor tanning sessions starting July 1st, and I say, who uses tanning? Is it dark-skinned people? I don’t think so.

I would have thought that Glen Beck’s show would be less vile without Glen Beck, but I am often wrong.

 
 

who uses tanning?

Malignant Melanoma enthusiasts?

 
 

Some thoughts on the Hutaree lingo

Lame–but still not even in the same galaxy of lame as those trekkies who actually speak Klingon. w. t. f?

 
 

No one did the ref to Hot Tub Time Machine, did they: “Oh my god, it’s like Gary Coleman’s arm! So black, so very black…”

 
 

Lame–but still not even in the same galaxy of lame as those trekkies who actually speak Klingon. w. t. f?

HIja’ because bIjatlh ‘e’ yImev, that’s why!

 
George Oscar Bluth
 

Alas ye beef-witted jackanapes! The Leviathan is the only fish truly worthy of the title gamefish! It is an easy thing to scoff at any art or recreation; a little wit mixed with ill nature, confidence, and malice, will do it; but though they often venture boldly, yet they are often caught like a Mon Calamari, even in their own trap, but those who curse days that libel Leviathan will be faced with a civil suit, for he is represented by the law firm of Saliteri, Nast, de Brutus, and Short. Canst thou draw out Leviathan with an hook — that’s right, an hook — ? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down? Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn? Nay, obviously thou needst a properly bent umbrella and an unbreakable diamond filament and maybe a Manwich. Any one-handed man-child can catch a brook trout with a little money, or candy.

 
 

Lame–but still not even in the same galaxy of lame as those trekkies who actually speak Klingon. w. t. f?

It’s funny how they have been reduced to ComicCon attendees when they thought they were battlin’ the anti christ.

 
 

The health care bill the president just singed into law includes a 10 percent tax on all indoor tanning sessions starting July 1st, and I say, who uses tanning?

I hate the President.

 
 

I would have thought that Glen Beck’s show would be less vile without Glen Beck, but I am often wrong.

I was just thinking the other day. (That’s not a joke, I do that sometimes)

Anyway, I wondered to myself just how spectacularly fucking psychotic these anti-everything that a Democrat does will go as each of their consistently more nonsensical arguments gets destroyed. I imagined a line, and the “tanning bed tax is racist against whitey” went WAY beyond my imaginary line. Well done, whoever the fuck you are…

 
 

Jame, don’t you need to be forcing lotion on someone?

 
 

I imagined a line, and the “tanning bed tax is racist against whitey” went WAY beyond my imaginary line.

Which, of course, raises the question why they need to Negro up.

 
 

Jame, don’t you need to be forcing lotion on someone?

It rubs the lotion on its skin. It needs to do this to make its skin soft and supple for the tanning process.

 
 

Apparently it’s now a racist act for more than one black person together to walk through a crowd of white people while on their way to work.

 
 

The doggone tanning tax is racist. How’s a cracker such as myself supposed to knock down poontang looking like casper the creepy-old-leacherous ghost? Honestly, this is socialism run amuck.

 
 

How’s a cracker such as myself supposed to knock down poontang looking like casper the creepy-old-leacherous ghost?

First of all, orange is not a tan…

 
 

Is it dark-skinned people? I don’t think so.

So he’s upset the Cracken can’t blacken, huh?

 
 

Apparently it’s now a racist act for more than one black person together to walk through a crowd of white people while on their way to work

No no, it’s uppity, thus justifying the N-bombs. The N*****S are the real racists.

 
 

First of all, orange is not a tan…

That depends on the light in which one is standing.

 
 

I heard they are going to tax fetal birthedly-challenged person tanning.

Pasty-ass white baby? What else you got?

 
 

I imagined a line, and the “tanning bed tax is racist against whitey” went WAY beyond my imaginary line.

Trust Glennbeck and his homies to redefine peak wingnut.

 
 

News update: Al Gore is FAT and has a BIG HOUSE!

Koch Industries has “become a financial kingpin of climate science denial and clean energy opposition,” spending over $48.5 million since 1997 to fund the climate denial machine, according to an extensive report today by Greenpeace.

The Greenpeace report reveals how Koch Industries and the foundations under its control spent far more than even ExxonMobil in recent years to fund industry front groups opposed to clean energy and climate policies.

Koch spent over half the total amount -nearly $25 million – funding climate denier groups from 2005 to 2008, a period in which Exxon only spent $8.9 million.

Koch Industries is just a tiny, struggling small business led by yeoman farmers in Revolutionary War cosplay, and libruls are just trying to bring them down.

 
 

But John Boehner IS a person of color! The President himself said so!

 
 

John Boehner is just preparing for the day when our Orange nemesis star arrives.

 
 

It passes the health care bill or it gets the hose!

 
 

Koch Industries is just a tiny, struggling small business which also needs the estate death tax repealed so their descendants will be able to continue their work.

 
 

John Boehner is just preparing for the day when our Orange nemesis star arrives.

Awww:

The good news is that the star is not expected to arrive for a million or more years.

 
 

Koch Industries is just a tiny, struggling small business which also needs the estate death tax repealed so their descendants will be able to continue their work lounging poolside.

 
 

“with an hook — that’s right, an hook —”

While I admit to a certain depravity, perhaps even laziness with my editing chores when it comes to posting on this highly esteemed site, you sir have taken the joke too far. Intentionally placing the n on a singular article when followed by a vowel sound is bending the boundaries of all that is reasonable and I deplore you to cease this instant.

 
 

Deplore you?
I am just an ignorant state college graduate but shouldn’t that be implore?

 
 

. Intentionally placing the n on a singular article when followed by a vowel sound is bending the boundaries of all that is reasonable and I deplore you to cease this instant.

Some one is an bit to concernt 4 teh written w0rd, yes?

 
 

Intentionally placing the n on a singular article when followed by a vowel sound is bending the boundaries of all that is reasonable and I deplore you to cease this instant.

Kate, chill. He was talking about Eskimos hunting whales, the Leviathan, right?

Yep. That’s right.

An hook of the North.

 
George Oscar Bluth
 

“An hook”: it’s in the KJV (all other versions are PERversions), so if it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me.

 
 

The good news is that the star is not expected to arrive for a million or more years.

As our end-times survivalist friends would tell you, it’s never too early to be prepared.

That’s not even mentioning that high level Scientology adepts have to sign a billion year contract in order to join Star Fleet Sea Org.

 
 

Oh-oh. One pun over the line and… threedle death.

A death punel.

 
 

I am staying safe in the boat (another drink please! young lady!) but I am enjoying the reactions of those staggering back on deck. Judging from the shellshocked looks, me thinks I’ll be making a killing in tonight’s shuffleboard tourny….

 
 

So it’s shuffleboard is it? The stripping version, I assume

 
 

“I am just an ignorant state college graduate but shouldn’t that be implore?”

And South and although you probably aren’t here to care anymore, when I walked away from the computer, out of the house and drove in the driving rain all I could think about was, “Implore, Implore, I know it was implore and I put deplore.

These things mean a lot to me and can upset me a great deal.

 
 

That NSFW should be in triplicate. Holy mother of sweet revenge.

That said, the photo line up of the arrestees is more offensive than all those dick shots.

 
 

These things mean a lot to me and can upset me a great deal.

Breathe, kid, we all fuck up.

 
 

they are at their absolute best when screwing with a wacko Christian militia’s forum boards (very NSFW) left unattended because all the moderators were arrested for plotting to kill a bunch of cops.

There but for 4chan go you or I.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

dick shots.

The lesser-known, but just as hygienically gross, version of belly shots.

 
 

Think “threesome of Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, and John McCain”

Given their ongoing dogma concerning “No Grrlz On Teh Internets,” I prefer to think Lesbo Lemonparty — involving the cast of Golden Girls.

(Yes, 2/3 of them are dead – that is central to my point … & now that you’ve read that, you can never unread it)

 
 

& now that you’ve read that, you can never unread it

*polishing Glock 9*

I wonder if I can unshoot someone….

 
Kyle Broflovski
 

they are at their absolute best when screwing with a wacko Christian militia’s forum boards (very NSFW) left unattended because all the moderators were arrested for plotting to kill a bunch of cops.

There but for 4chan go you or I.

What’s a “butfor”?

 
 

they are at their absolute best when screwing with a wacko Christian militia’s forum boards (very NSFW) left unattended because all the moderators were arrested for plotting to kill a bunch of cops.

There but for 4chan go you or I.

What’s a “butfor”?

sodomizing with enormous black penises… DUMMY.

 
 

LOL @ Mole.

I love you.

 
 

I wish I hadn’t clicked through. I’d forgotten those timelesswords of wisdom.

 
 

I am familiar with the 4chan mentality.
I clicked.
That was silly of me.

 
 

Well, I just got a brisk dose of reality.

Apparently, to many people, the tubgirl and s**tting d**knipples were as appalling as the mutiple enormous melanin-rich phalluses.

To me, the latter were not at all disturbing. It seems that my personal starndards of what is offensive are not calibrated to national standards.

Of course, the last time I was actually offended by anything in the media, it was “The Dr. Seuss Bible”, a sketch by The Kids In The Hall.

 
 

With all this talk of post-apocalypse supplies, I do not see any mention of a sweet porn stash (along with preferred lube/lotion). Don’t forget that since dependable electric power will most likely be hard to come by (VPR), emergency generators notwithstanding, porn in the old style media (magazines, x-rated playing cards, statues, bas-reliefs, woodcarvings, blow-up dolls, tattoos, etc.,) will be highly prized. Make sure you print out your best gifs before the meltdown. Portability will be a must, as will the ability to barter, so don’t begrudge losing a few cards from your deck to ease your travels.

 
 

Hello! dbdabbf interesting dbdabbf site!

 
 

Lovely post, I’ll have to bookmark this

 
 

I appreciate, cause I discovered just what I was taking a look for. You have ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

 
 

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