Et Tu, Swanksta?
I think Pastor Swank has gone really crazy this time. I mean, he’s gone so crazy, that he’s starting to turn sane. Witness the title of this column from a couple of days ago:
GET US OUT OF IRAQ
J. Grant Swank, Jr.
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo!
But don’t worry, we shan’t remain in the Twilight Zone for long. For as the first few grafs of his piece indicate, Swank is still completely bonkers:
“Support our Troops� doesn’t look the same to me anymore. I support them in legitimate combat. But I think that supporting them now is enabling the enemy. Therefore, I don’t want to do that. When I support the US troops, I want to support our US troops.
Nope, I got no idea what he’s talking about either. It’s good to see that P-Swank’s short bout with sanity hasn’t scarred him permanently or made him a half-competent writer or anything.
What’s going on now in Iraq is one gang fight after another. To ask multinational troops to put their lives on the line in the gang fight fray is ridiculous. Therefore, the multinational militia should return to their individual countries. Let the gangs fight it out till they’re done in. For that is exactly what they’re going to do, whether multinational troops are on the scene or not.
Y’know, he’s probably right, as depressing as that sounds.
But wait, here comes the full-blown wingnuttery, gushing harder than Hugh Hewitt at a George W. Bush tribute ceremony:
Muslims are meant to fight one another. They delight in killing, whether their own kind or non-Muslims. That won’t change because these Muslim adults have been instructed in fighting since children. The next generation will be taught the same. […]
Witness the Middle East. Will it ever end? Not as long as mortals seek to bring the peace there. It will forever elude us for mortals cannot quell the Muslim blood thirst.
Yeah, America only started that war to bring peace to the Middle East!
We have now been three years plus in Iraq. We came upon what we never dreamt—a hellish nightmare. We had envisioned liberating a kind people who would be thankful for a genuine freedom spread.
Those ungrateful bastards, rejecting our generous helping of Freedom Spread! Well, I hope they’re happy, because the only thing they’re gettin’ now is a big ol’ jar of Sectarian Killing Jam.
Instead we discovered a people who don’t know how to spell the word “freedom.â€?Â
Indeed. Those crazy fuckers think “freedom” is spelt like this: عَتَاقَة مـــصــــــدر
I recall on the day that the Great Vote took place in Iraq, an older man told one of our reporters that he did not know what he was voting for he had no idea what a “democracy� was. So there.
Not only do they not know, there are plenty of little boys and teen-age boys and so-called adult men who don’t care to know. And there are plenty of Allah-crazed women who egg them on.
“Never marry an Allah-crazed woman, boy. They do funny things to you.”
They enjoy more touting their knives and rifles, shooting up a neighborhood, and hanging a female accused of flirting with a non-Muslim, thus disgracing her clan.
Islam is built on blood rivers, hence its symbol being the sword.
I thought it was a moon.
I still get emails from Muslims who declare that I don’t have any idea what Islam is, what the Koran says and what Mohammed was like. That always reminds me of ex-Muslim Ali Sina, webmaster of FaithFreedom.org, who stated that he feels so sorry for Muslims in that they are exceedingly ignorant of what Islam really is.
A few like Sina have seen the light, but the vast majority have not.
Therefore, for multinational troops to remain in that killing field of gang battles is just plain unpatriotic. We must call those troops home to let Iraq find its bloody way for that’s what it will end up doing if we leave or don’t leave.
When you’ve lost Pastor Swank, you’ve lost Middle America. Or at least the percentage of Middle America that spends its days posting incomprehensible lunacy on the Internet. Which is around 96%, if I’m not mistaken.
Islam is built on blood rivers, hence its symbol being the sword.
And its habit of putting fat, balding suiciders in tiny little clown cars of death, so they can commit driving offenses crazy and disrupt our godly Fourth of July parades!
Oh, wait, those are Shriners.
This latest swankfest suggests that even core support for
NixonBush is eroding to the point where seriously crazy shit may ensue. Their crusade against the flagburning brownskin homo-nuppers is a gaping yawnathon except we can watch Republicans gut one another like rabid wolverines in a roadkill-envy deathmatch. They need something new.Invade Venezuela? (Includes bonus christian surfer article with a little something extra for everyone.) Thank AG for the link.
Whereas the real America is built on Joan Rivers.
And there are plenty of Allah-crazed women who egg them on.
Maybe Matt Drudge could write about it.
The symbol of Christianity is some dude dying of dehydration and blood loss from hours of torture, nailed to a couple of 2x4s.
[/stupidity]
Does Freedom Spread come in tubs or sticks? That was truely Swanktastic!
Witness the Middle East. Will it ever end?
Jeez! Bushco has only been there 3 years. Give it some time, willya?
Muslims are meant to fight one another. They delight in killing, whether their own kind or non-Muslims. That won’t change because these Muslim adults have been instructed in fighting since children. The next generation will be taught the same.
It’s funny how this paragraph makes just as much sense if you replace the word “Muslims” with something like “Spartans” or “Americans” or “Christians”.
That is, if a predilection to start pointless wars and execute people, as well as a perpetually sky-high murder rate, are any indications of “delight in killing”.
A sWank rumination on bloody Muslamonazi gang fights that includes a description of our troops as “enabling the enemy” (what, are they all in the MSM now?): It MUST be 6-6-6!
Wow. I’m astounded. There’s only one thing to say here:
SWANK! SWANK! SWANK! SWANK!
“Witness the Middle East. Will it ever end? Not as long as mortals seek to bring the peace there. It will forever elude us for mortals cannot quell the Muslim blood thirst.”
PUNY MORTALS! YOU CANNOT QUELL THE MUSLIM BLOOD THIRST!
“They enjoy more touting their knives and rifles…”
These are some damn fine knives and rifles we have here, so say we Muslims!
“That always reminds me of ex-Muslim Ali Sina, webmaster of FaithFreedom.org, who stated that he feels so sorry for Muslims in that they are exceedingly ignorant of what Islam really is.”
So, the only person who truly understands Islam is an ex-Muslim? Heck, I’m an ex-Christian, so now I can spew whatever misconceptions and half-truths spring to my mind about that faith with The Pastor’s blessing? Woo hoo!!
Arabic script is a nice touch. Not as good as “Gee officer Krupke”, but nice.
They enjoy more touting their knives and rifles, shooting up a neighborhood, and hanging a female accused of flirting with a non-Muslim, thus disgracing her clan.
I’m confused, is it the knife and rifle touting, the shooting up of a neighborhood or the hanging that disgraces the female’s clan?
Witness the Middle East. Will it ever end? Not as long as mortals seek to bring the peace there. It will forever elude us for mortals cannot quell the Muslim blood thirst.
Ok, ok, I KNOW it’s Swank, but I’m really curious. I get that it’s us who “seek to bring the peace there”. I get that the mortals who “cannot quell the Muslim blood thirst” are us. But who the hell are the immortals? Is he saying that we’ll need Christopher Lambert speaking in a really crappy scottish accent to save us? Is he saying that the Muslims themselves are immortal? No, that can’t be right, he says they like to kill each other. So why the reference to “mortals”? Damn you Swank and your cryptic writing! (You think he’s a Dave Mustain fan?)
And there are plenty of Allah-crazed women who egg them on.
Are there really? Dammit, I’d like to meet some Allah-crazed women. I’d like them to get egg on me too….
mikey
Actually, the famous Moon and Star is the symbol of the Ottoman empire and it later became associtated with Islam by clueless infidels. Likewise, I hear early Christians perfered the fish symbol to the ghastly cross. The more you know…the less likely you are to vote Republican.
I think we’re now discovering the limits of cognitive dissonance. I almost wish I were a psychologist, because there’s masses of data out there just waiting to be gathered. It’s not just Swank but millions of ostensibly sane Americans who have for the last five years been rationalising the most appalling behaviour and policy because of their unshakeable belief that Bush is “a good Christian conservative”, and therefore his policy must be good. Between Iraq, Katrina and immigration, many of them have had that illusion shattered and suddenly reality is rushing back in through the barriers and filters they have erected to protect their perception of Bush as a good Christian conservative.
When I support the US troops, I want to support our US troops.
Okay, now it should be plainly clear to everyone that the phrase “support the troops” is utterly meaningless. OF COURSE WE ALL SUPPORT THE FUCKING TROOPS.
What has happened is “support the troops” has become shorthand for “support the policies of George W. Bush.” It appears that Bush’s Iraq strategy is to keep slogging through the quagmire for the remainder of his term, then leave it for the next guy to slink out of Iraq with our tails between our legs. What do you think of that, Swanker?
Sorry JK47. It is literally impossible to support the troops without supporting Bush. Didn’t you see the picture of him in the flight suit? He’s a fucking WARRIOR, man, moreso than pussies like that fruit Hackett in Ohio.
Support the Troops is Bullshit. If you asked The Troops ™ what they want, it’d likely sound like “A cold beer, a hot shower, clean sheets, let me go fucking HOME”. That’s how you support the troops.
mikey
When I support the US troops, I want to support our US troops.
But of course! Who’d want to support their US troops?
“mortals cannot quell the Muslim blood thirst?” WTF? Muslim Vampires Global?
I forgot something. I know it’s Swank and NewsMax and everything, but I still can’t believe that someone claiming to be penning a serious piece of pundity actually wrote “So there”. What is this, playtime?
To crib some Chappelle:
The racism down there…it’s *kisses fingers* magnifique!
The more you know…the less likely you are to vote Republican.
Dear God, I want that on a t-shirt.
I’ve seen the light. I realize now there’s only one thing to do: end the Middle East.
That is easily my favorite quote of The Rev. Swank. I think it sums up not only his views, but his inimitable writing.
“Dear Penthouse Forum:
I never thought I’d be writing you, but today I met an Allah-crazed woman and my life has changed forever . . .”
Is he saying that the Muslims themselves are immortal? No, that can’t be right, he says they like to kill each other.
He totally does think Muslims are immortal, and they’re only killing each other because There Can Be Only One.
Gee, you’d think there’d be fewer of them over time. Unfortunately for tha Swanksta, evidently the Muslims also like to fuck.
It’s funny but whenever Bush said we had to “spread freedom” I visualized it just like Swank does. A huge knife with a gob of Freedom Spread that we forcefully dragged across the Middle East, tearing it to pieces. Should have taken it out of the refrigerator ahead of time to soften up. If we use lots and lots of spread, can we sort of paste the bread back together so it looks whole? At least for long enough to withdraw the troops at a lively walking pace rather than a full sprint? That’s called “Victory” right?
Is he saying that the Muslims themselves are immortal?
You know, I could be wrong, but I think it might be an oblique reference to end-times theology. Which means that his solution to the crisis in the Middle East is for Jesus to come back and slaughter everyone… … And here is a nice picture of a cute little kitten that doesn’t make me angry and scream and want to break things at all.
Brad, the word
عتاقة
pronounced “3ataqa” (the 3 stands for this sound in Arabic called an “ain” which does not exist in English)
really is not the best word for “freedom” which is definitely
Øرية
pronounced “Hurriya”
“3ataqa” may mean “freedom” in the classical written form that no one actually speaks but it also means “ancient lineage” which is the sense it is usually used in.
And the second word there just means “noun” so you don’t need it.
Very brave of you to copy words onto your blog in a language/alphabet you don’t know, though! I approve.
يهيا براد!!!
(Long Live Brad!)
“…And there are plenty of Allah-crazed women who egg them on.”
Egg them on how? “oooh, baby, put me in restrictive clothing and kill me if I disgrace you… oh yeah that makes me hot!”
I mean, WTF?
Hey baby, I’m not wearing anything underneath this…
People like him only care about the troops so long as it helps HIS cause. In other words, he doesn’t care about the troops and never has. He only cares about the political party that represents his warped ideals dropping in the polls. He is now trying to rationalize flip-flopping because he can’t ever turn his back on Bush. So he has to change his warped logic to fit his new ideas on what helps Bush…in this case, ending the Iraq war.
“Men,” he began his address to the soldiers, measuring his pauses carefully. “You’re US troops. The troops of no other country in the world can make that statement. Think about it.” He waited a moment to permit them to think about it.