In Which The Kettle Calls The Black Potted
with notes of ashtray, hard-boiled eggs and old
cat litter.”
Ann Althouse, the Gallo Distinguished Professor of Law at the University of Wisconsin School of Law, staggered over to Drudge and latched onto news reports of Obama’s annual physical like a homeless alley drunk onto a full canister of Sterno and — get this — accuses Obama of being a drunk.
How many beers a day would Obama need to be drinking before his doctor would recommend “moderation of [in?] alcohol intake”? Drudge picks out this bit from Obama’s health report:
The link goes to this report — which stresses the advice to “continue smoking cessation efforts” (which means he’s still smoking, apparently) — and ends:
The doctors also recommended “moderation of alcohol intake.”
Considering that there is a great deal of research showing that it is a positive health benefit for a man to drink 1 or 2 beers a day, I would think that a 6 foot 1 1/2 inch man like Obama could easily drink 3 or 4 beers a day without there being an actual negative effect of concern to a doctor.
How much is Obama drinking?
Ann Althouse calling someone else drunk? What’s next? Amy Alkon claiming that someone else dresses like a low-rent drag queen? (Amy Alkon thinks that the linked photo of herself is “pretty fantastic.” Seriously.)
Speculating on Obama’s drinking habits, according to Professor Althouse, is okay because:
If you think we shouldn’t be talking about the President this way, let’s remember how people called Bush a “dry drunk.” That is, he was criticized for being a drunk when he didn’t drink at all!
Um, Ann, I don’t think “dry drunk” means quite what you think it does. Put down the glass of Smoking Loon Merlot for a moment and focus, just focus, on the word “dry.” Or at least — and here’s a radical suggestion — just read the fucking article before you link to it.
Of course, as with many Althouse posts, an oopsie moment is not far behind. A commenter on Ann’s website was able to accomplish the nearly impossible feat of finding the press release on Obama’s annual physical and, well, here is what is says:
Continue smoking cessation efforts, a daily exercise program, healthy diet, moderation in alcohol intake, periodic dental care, and remain up to date with recommended immunizations.
“Continue,” Ann, it says “continue” moderation. I think it finally may be time for an intervention, although arguably that time came several years ago when Ann started hiding $1.49 splits of Sutter Home red wine in hollowed-out books in her office.
Bonus Shorter:
Shorter Ann Althouse
Al Gore would like you to lie back and accept what the government decides is good for you.
- As further proof of Al Gore’s stupidity, consider this: carbon dioxide can’t possibly be pollution because I exhale it.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
The first one is just funny. The second one is mind-bogglingly stupid. Yet read the comments to her post:
Where to begin? Oh, I know: water is good for us. We are 70% water! Therefore we can’t drown!
“…carbon dioxide can’t possibly be pollution because I exhale it.”
C’mon, how much CO2 can you actually cram into 90-proof exhalations?
according to the normal order of things, ‘chainsmoking drunk’ will now be heard along with ‘kenyan socialist’ for the foreseeable future
but you already knew that…
I guess I’d like to (subtly) suggest that–quite literally–she should try eating shit to see how her, uh, theory plays out.
‘chainsmoking drunk’ will now be heard along with ‘kenyan socialist’ for the foreseeable future
Hey, how did you get those talking points already??
why would the doctor recommend moderation of periodic dental care?? just how much time is this man spending on his teeth? the president of the united states is supposed to attend to the people’s business, not spend 16 hours a day locked in the lincoln bathroom obsessively carrying out bizarre tooth cleaning rituals!
Speaking as an Independent, I think the “Ms. Blank is a drunk” gag is whipped and busted-ass, while the “Mz. Blank is a belligerent tranny” gag is woefully underused. I base my opinion on the fact that half the world is drunk and indolently miserable, while very few pundits are obviously sexually confused and thirst for the blood of the innocent and the guilty alike, e.g. “Imma track you down and knee-drop yo kidneys, and I don’t care if you exist or not” and “Burn their cities, enslave their children and convert them at rifle point.” Does this make me wrong? In a Biblical sense?
Medical boilerplate. If you were to ask a doctor at a party why the “keys to health” are he’d probably hand you a card w/ that on it, assuming you smoked & drank a little.
No one can believe she doesn’t know what a “dry drunk” is, unless she hasn’t read any of those “Do YOU Have A Problem?” pamphlets that keep appearing on her desk, & windshield, & her snail mail box at the faculty center.
Ms. Blank is not a belligerent tranny. She is a belligerent woman who dresses like a low rent drag queen.
And since you brought it up, the linked picture of Mz. Blank is the best I’ve seen of her, which still isn’t saying much. (Well, the one of her from the back in the 1890s flared & floor-length skirt was good in its way.)
i saw an actual boilerplate once. a brass plate on a boiler with raised lines on it to demarcate fields, like a metal version of a government form. the information in the fields on the form looked like they had been filled in by somebody punching the letters and numbers in with moveable type held by hand and whacked with a mallet
HIC!
.
So Obama is still sucking a few fags a day? Ha! We colonials can still have fun with the patois of Empire.
OK, so a reader has pointed out to AA#1 that her whole post is built upon someone else’s analysis of a medical report that turns out to have lied about it (by omitting the word continue). Has she taken this on board? Don’t leave us there or we shall have to leave the boat.
In my imagination she responds by explaining that
Listen to Smut Clyde! He writes all in bold case so it must be true.
It’s not just CO2 that is the problem, Ann.
It’s also plastic bags.
We on the left understand that for some people the combination of Plastics, CO2 and stupidity are a deadly combination.
As you’ve amply demonstrated, Ann there is no end to stupidity, so it’s best to try reducing the risks from Plastics and CO2.
Is that from Foundation?
Actually it says continue smoking cessation efforts. Moderation is a separate item in the list of recommendations. Therefore 100% Althouse is right and you are 100% un-right. I demand that you apologize to Althouse immediately!
Okay, connecting the dots…
Shorter Althouse v01 – Alcohol? Hey, we all like a tipple, but at some point you can drink to excess. **hic**
Shorter Althouse v02 – CO2? Al Gore is a fat fucking moron for suggesting that too much CO2 could be bad. What kind of asshole could come up with such a theory, only a greedy fascist that’s who. **hic**
Ps. Other fascists?
DoctorsDemocratic politicians who claim too much oxygen can be dangerous.“If you think we shouldn’t be talking about the President this way, let’s remember how people called Bush a “dry drunk.” That is, he was criticized for being a drunk when he didn’t drink at all!
¿Didn’t drink?
Pfft.
¿Remember the 2008 Olympics? When El Chimperador’s Secret Service handle was “Pisco Sour”?
(Oh, and, just for old time’s sake…)
Ahem.
Good pix, Gato. The discomfort on Jenna’s face is a joy to behold.
The last one didn’t get too much distribution; that election sure was distracting.
P.S.: Doesn’t count, he was in China!!
Jenna hell, get a look at the Kissingers’ mugs…………..!
And he worked for Nixon!
You know, the whole global warming is a poor reason. We should instead tell the average wingnut, that if carbon dioxide emissions are not limited, we will suffocate for the lack of oxygen.
They could test this in closed small room, filling it with carbon dioxide.
That MIGHT be clear enough for them.
Besides, I would love to see all the wingnuts go into a low oxygen enviroment so they could show how it is a fake. And hopefully suffocate.
The discomfort on Jenna’s face is a joy to behold.
Is that Jenna? I thought that one was Not-Jenna. I may have to rework some syllogisms.
I hope there are rounds of congratulatory pats on the back for the post title. It is truly a thing of beauty.
Might I note that people poop and piss. Since this is natural, might I conjecture that Ms. Dr. AA supports modifying water treatment plants since these non-pollutnants don’t require clean up?
Semi-O/T, but Amy Alkon is a rabid cow. Can you imagine living within two blocks of her? In the next apartment? Oy fucken vey.
On-topic, this piece from Outhouse, aside from being a fine example of projection, is also definitive of the phrase “it would be irresponsible not to speculate.”
Yeah, you know what, tell the people who had families around Lake Nyos about how fucking harmless CO2 is:
So, yup, CO2 is totally harmless ’cause you exhale it, global climate change is a myth because it snowed in DC during the winter, and the whole fucking universe goes away when you cover your eyes.
As further proof of Al Gore’s stupidity, consider this: carbon dioxide can’t possibly be pollution because I exhale it.
I propose putting Althouse in a sealed room hooked up to the chairs of a thousand men drinking beer and eating baked beans.
Continue smoking cessation efforts, a daily exercise program, healthy diet, moderation in alcohol intake, periodic dental care, and remain up to date with recommended immunizations.
As I recall, Obama was diagnosed with slightly elevated cholesterol numbers.
My doctors…that would be Team212…found high cholesterol in me. Now, on occasion, I’ll binge, but most days, if I have one beer, it’s a lot. Team212 has lauded my moderation in alcohol but always, always, warns me to make sure it stays that way.
It would have been irresponsible for the White House doctors to issue any health report without the recommendations of lifestyle changes and/or maintenance efforts.
We are 70% water! Therefore we can’t drown!
We are ugly ugly bags of mostly water. I think the percentage is even higher.
Ms. Blank is not a belligerent tranny. She is a belligerent woman who dresses like a low rent drag queen.
That’s MR Blank to you!
The discomfort on Jenna’s face is a joy to behold.
I think that one is NotJenna.
I’ll just jump in here for a second before Actor is humiliated by total thread dominance.
OK, I had to post at the LAWeekly article
Speng,
I do that. It’s OK. I can handle the blowback.
The “pollution” is carbon dioxide, which is what flows out of our noses and mouths when we exhale…There’s nothing dirty or toxic about carbon dioxide.
Uh, yes there is. That’s why we exhale it.
There’s nothing dirty or toxic about carbon dioxide
That reminds me… I wonder if I changed the batteries in the Harmless Gas Detector in my basement.
The “Machine” quote is from a short story by E.M. Forster called “The Machine Stops.”
Tonica. I keep tellin ya. Jenna and Tonica. That one’s Tonica.
I think.
I think Ann is ignoring the large body of work by millions of holisticians re: CO2. Or was it just one holisitcian diluted by millions of regular people?
Smoking loon merlot indeed.
…carbon dioxide can’t possibly be pollution because I exhale it.
That paper bag you are normally asked to use won’t really show the dangers of C02, Ann.
You really should try a nice Hefty bag the next time, Ann.
The doctors also recommended “moderation of alcohol intake.”
Maybe he needs to drink MOAR!
. Now, on occasion, I’ll binge, but most days, if I have one beer, it’s a lot. Team212 has lauded my moderation in alcohol but always, always, warns me to make sure it stays that way.
No excuses! You’d best be in Brooklyn in a week- you don’t have to drink.
You’d best be in Brooklyn in a week- you don’t have to drink.
The only way I’ll go to Brooklyn is to drink.
“I’ll just jump in here for a second before Actor is humiliated by total thread dominance.”
It’s nice of him to group all of his contributions; makes it easier to skip them. Now if he could just contain his comments to one corner of the internet…
Re Alkon: “Miss Manners With Fangs,” sez the headline.
That’s like saying “A Vegetarian Who EATS MEAT!” If you have fangs, you’re not Miss Manners. If you’re snide, rude, abrasive, and obnoxious, you’re not an expert on etiquette or manners. You’re a tedious poseur who has proven, for the ten billionth time, that in America all it takes is a little chutzpah, a dollar, and a dream, and a broadband connection, and a fatal case of narcissism, to “make it” in the high-stakes world of mouthing off.
Now if he could just contain his comments to one corner of the internet…
Yea, that ain’t happenin’…
“When you write about drinking, you never run out of material, because you can go on to writing about quitting. And if that’s not enough, write about falling back into drinking, then how quitting the second time is different, going back to drinking responsibly, how that doesn’t work, quitting again, etc. etc. Drinking is a goldmine of subject matter. And I bet drinkers are a good source of readers, since you can drink — quite a lot — while reading.” (ann althouse, August 15, 2009 blog entry)
Oh, Drinky Crow, you are just too, too precious for words!
(Also fave: “Roberts displays empathy for potential victims of drunk drivers, but what about empathy for the decent driver who might be the target of some fellow citizen who decides he wants to make trouble for you? There’s that ex-boyfriend/asshole neighbor/right-wing blogger(emphasis moi) having 2 glasses of wine with dinner and then heading out to his car for a super-careful 3-mile drive home. Let’s call the cops! Is the world out of whack if the state of Virginia thinks the right to be free of unreasonable searches and seizures requires a bit more than an anonymous tip?”
Ann, you really REALLY probably should put that box down while you are driving.
*blog search ‘drink’ for more gems!*
ActorOverload said,
March 2, 2010 at 18:21
C’mon now, it’s that same obsessive behavior and total lack of impulse control that have allowed him to make Alkon look like the sympathetic figure in their recent flame wars. How many people do you know that could manage such a trick? I wouldn’t have thought it possible so I offer him a:
*polite golf clap*
Martini?
Note to Ann:
Inhale means take in.
Exhale means get rid of.
I don’t know, maybe, write it on your hand or something. The difference between inhaling and exhaling something that will suffocate you. And then don’t forget to tie your shoes.
make Alkon look like the sympathetic figure
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Carbon dioxide is found in sparkling wine, so I suppose Professor Althouse does inhale it.
Carbon dioxide is found in
sparkling wineFixed for beverage of Althousian choice.
I’m actually rather impressed that my fanbois have noticed me.
Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that I can so
annoyimpact a person’s life, just by posting on the Internet.Next thing you know, I’ll be sleeping with your mommy.
I’m actually rather impressed that my fanboi
shasve noticedbeen stalking me.Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that I can so
annoyimpact a person’s life, just by posting on the Internet.Next thing you know, I’ll be sleeping with your mommy.
“… consider this: carbon dioxide can’t possibly be pollution because I exhale it…”
And poop can’t possibly stink -due to toxins- because she poops it?
That wine she drinks is pollution and she both exhales and inhales that shit.
Sigh.
I have mixed feelings about trolling Althouse, especially on a topic like AGW.
Part of me really feels the lulz, picturing the overwhelming majority of the AA-fanboys gnashing their teeth & swearing at their monitors … but another part of me feels kind of dirty, because it’s a lot like challenging a quadrapalegic to a kickboxing match, or fishing with dynamite.
I’m also frankly puzzled as to why I’m still allowed to comment there – if I was her (*SQUICK*) I think I’d’ve dropped the Banhammer on me by now.
Next thing you know, I’ll be sleeping with your mommy.
Yea, and you’d probably get her preggers, trannie.
People over at Althouse are calling Al Gore anti-Arab. Where the hell did that come from? Is that just more projection?
You said “low-rent drag queen” and I was all “I’m there”, expecting awkward makeup and fabulous accessories, but no–! Low-rent was no lie! That dress is not glam, and neither is the lumpy, allegedly vertebrate life-form stuffed into it!
Heck, drag-queens from the fucking ghetto dress better than that. You know, the ones who have to turn tricks to scrounge the cash for expired foundation from Value Village fire sales. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Er, I mean doing anything to be fabulous, not the persistent, pernicious inequality of American society, which is pretty fucking wrong.)
A persons height doesn`t have a thing to do with how alcohol affects their body.
Usually, when your doctor tells you to be moderate with your alcohol intake he suspects you may be drinking to much.
In my mis-spent youth I actually knew some young men who turned tricks in the park. Some were just hos but most of them were just desperate for cash. Example: the guy who had a “real job” in retail during the day, then made his “real money” turning tricks at night. Ironically (or is it) he dressed like a rent boy at work, too. The rent boy look, it was in. But he WAS a rent boy, for real. Fah fah!
And this, ladies and germs, is why Log Cabin Republicans exist. If there were a decent minimum wage and enough jobs to go around, skinny, naive, nubile, fresh-faced 18-yr-olds would not be hanging around street corners offering $10 BJs and the LCRs might actually have to buy someone a drink before getting laid, which is oh, so time consuming and boring, not to mention do you know what drinks at the Club go for these days? Why, you could be out, between yourself, your prospective trick, and tip (you know how dreadful those bartenders can be if you don’t grease their palms regularly) easily $50 cash in the space of an hour. Plus, someone might see you and comment on your fetishes, and it really just lacks the naughty frisson of exploitation and flaunting state laws….
I mean flouting, not flaunting … damn alky-hall and its brain-cell draining properties…
Ann started hiding $1.49 splits of Sutter Home red wine…
I think she’s a bigger fan of their White Zin.
People over at Althouse
There’s your mistake right there.
“Jenna and Tonica.”
Have a happy happy happy Hanukkah!!
I was having trouble finding a theme in these responses, or indeed in the main posts on the site. But now I see: erudition and maturity.
That is because you are drunk and stupid. See above.
erudition and maturity.
And PENIS and P00P. Don’t forget them.
I was having trouble finding a theme
Well, there’s yer problem right there!
Sweet xst on a cracker. How in hell did this idiot get a job at U Wisconsin? My sister got her MA there. My sister is a brilliant as this kou is ignorant. Where did the University go so wrong?
Is there a University of Boxed Wine? Because it would totally hire her.
the information in the fields on the form looked like they had been filled in by somebody punching the letters and numbers in with moveable type held by hand and whacked with a mallet
…cause it was? is there a trick?
also, Jen-not (never did care which of them was which, anyway) looks like she’s hissing “can’t you make him stop??” at Laura. unmistakable. like mouthing the word “asshole” at someone through a soundproof glass, they can tell exactly what you’re saying.*
*this is very useful at stoplights on occasion, but not very often, because after all it’s Texas, and any sweet granny might have a damned gun under her car seat
You know, that picture of Authaus with half lidded eyes would go great holding a bong. No meaning to suggest anything for the the more photoshop-saavy among us…
Jesus, I entrolled Actor. And made up a new word. Entroll: to incite troll behavior in otherwise salvageable internet user.
carbon dioxide can’t possibly be pollution because I exhale it.
I read once that every breath you take includes atoms that were part of Julius Caesar (or whatever historical figure you want) … so Tintin, for reminding me that I might be breathing in part of what Ann exhales — ewwwww! Thanks for nothing!
By the way, THIS is a genuine, unretouched picture of Althouse. It’s all there.
Also completely unretouched:
From The Greatest Artist In The World
DAMMIT! Wrong link.
http://lh3.ggpht.com/_4v7fLJoD-gM/S43YSzzKgeI/AAAAAAAAAys/p4cbs4UppYY/outhouse_bong.jpg
THAT is the link. I hate my life.
looks like ann is retaining water. in her head.
Wait, I found why they consider him anti-arab:
Actually I think maybe only NewHam calls him anti-Arab.
Yeah, I read the Bush as dry drunk piece when it first came out. I don’t even need to see it again to know that Ann completely effed up. Yeesh, the author is 100% correct. Ann desperately needs to do some basic due diligence before committing words to the screen. C’mon Ann, read the frakin’ thing before you link to it!
read the frakin’ thing before you link to it!
Always, uh, never forget to check your references.
Entroll: to incite troll behavior in otherwise salvageable internet user.
YOU BASTARD! THAT’S A TRIGGER FOR ME!
followed the climate change rant link. remind me not to do that again.
do you think that ann knows the reason you exhale CO2 is because it is toxic to humans?
also, um, burning fossil fuels produces, in addition to carbon dioxide, some noxious shit. coal, for instance, produces sulfur dioxide: in addition to being toxic, it turns rain water into sulfuric acid.
whatever, it’s not like being ignorant stops these people.
do you think that ann knows the reason you exhale CO2 is because it is toxic to humans?
Oh yea? OH YEA?
What about mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, huh? If it’s so (air quotes) toxic, why do you let some guy put his lips over yours and blow, huh? HUH?