Road Trip

Let’s see, should I go to Schwagstock or should I go mingle with the American Taliban at “Wilderness Outcry”?

Woodstock-like gospel event planned in Missouri
Posted: Feb 12, 2010 4:08 PM CST Updated: Feb 13, 2010 9:19 AM CST

POPLAR BLUFF, MO. (AP) – A southeast Missouri man will host a five-day event in June that is set up like Woodstock, but with what he calls an opposite message.

Jerry Murphy owns a 400-acre farm in Butler County just northeast of Poplar Bluff. The Poplar Bluff Daily American Republic says he has linked with a group of ministers from around the country to host the gathering called “Wilderness Outcry” June 14-18.

The gathering will feature gospel music and religious speakers.

Murphy says Woodstock in 1969 marked a retreat from Judeo-Christian values in American culture. He hopes Wilderness Outcry helps turn that around.

Admission will be free, though Murphy may charge for camping to help recover the cost of hosting the event.

Officers with the Poplar Bluff Police Department say they’re worried about not having the resources to staff an event that’s rumored to possibly bring in up to 100,000 people.

Heehee. Oh, I’m sorry: HeeHAW.

X-files thought of the day: there might be such a thing as political telluric currents, positive ones drawing certain ideological types, negative ones repelling them. Nixon considered San Diego his “lucky city;” we moonbats are fond of places like Berkeley and Taxachusetts. Democrats have excellent reason to dodge Dallas since you know what; Republicans hate NYC and try to avoid New Orleans, especially after a hurricane. And the southern Missouri foothills seem to draw Republicans. Poplar Bluff is where Bush lamented that OB-GYNs were kept from practicing their love, plus it’s not too far from Vegas for people like Ned Flanders.

But then there’s Schwagstock, full of awesome, stinky hippies who want to free Mumia and save Darfur and eat crazy tofu, psilocybin, and human fetus-based fusion food, so there goes my theory. Anyway, I know where I belong, but I also know where I must go.

 

Comments: 163

 
 
 

What are they calling it? Crossstock? Christstock?

 
 

The gathering will feature gospel music and religious speakers

I can’t wait for the Amy Grant electric guitar version of “Onward Christian Soldiers”.

 
 

“Woodstock like gospel event” is an oxymoron if ever there was one

 
 

Don’t eat the brown communion wafers, people!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Woodofthetruecrossstock.

Don’t eat the brown communion wafers, people!

Awesome!

 
 

human fetus-based fusion food

I’ll have the miso-infused fetus, please.

 
 

…with what he calls an opposite message.

Instead of “free love” you can have “love at fair market value”.

 
 

What are they calling it? Crossstock? Christstock?

Judgestock.
Sanctimonistock.
Dogmastock (my winner)

 
 

They can advertise it as a “free hatefest”

 
 

They can advertise it as a “free hatefest”

You can close up shop now, boys, we have a winner!

 
 

Murphy says Woodstock in 1969 marked a retreat from Judeo-Christian values in American culture.

Nobody shared NUTHIN’.

 
 

Whack-a-Heathen AND funnel cake? I’m in!!

 
 

a retreat from Judeo-Christian values in American culture

Gouging people for water is the American way!

 
 

Come for the shitty music…stay for for the hate.

 
 

Come for the shitty music…stay for for the hate.

Be sure to get there for day 2, when we execute godz law and burn a faggot at the stake! Fun for all ages!

 
 

When do we stone the sluts?!!

 
 

When do we stone the sluts?!!

That’s on the midway, next to the “Roll the boulder from the cave entrance” game and “Rapture Coaster”

 
 

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I’m coming ,Republican Jesus!

 
 

“Rapture Coaster”

See, you climb this reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally long hill, and get to the top, there’s no downhill.

If you don’t fall, you’re Raptured. If you do, you’re a dirty sinner who deserves to go to hell.

 
 

Damn, why do I have these ideas when I’m in no position to actually build them? I could make a mint in Branson!

 
 

Be sure to bring your weiners and marshmallows for the witch burnin’!

 
 

like Woodstock, but with what he calls an opposite message.

I’m sorry, but “War, Hate, and Misunderstanding” will never work on a t-shirt.

 
 

They should really bill it as the “anti-Altamont,” given that the whole thing is focused on a guy who came back to life.

 
 

This summer I’ll have to load up the drill press in the back of the Impala and head down to Missouri this summer. The only thing I can think of that will do more business than a turkey and ale stand at a Ren fair is an old time country style stigmata booth.

 
 

Damn you redundancy! and FYWP.

 
 

“set up like Woodstock, but with what he calls an opposite message>”

If you go HTML, make sure to bring enough antacid pills.

 
 

They should really bill it as the “anti-Altamont,” given that the whole thing is focused on a guy who came back to life.

To the soundtrack of “Gimme Shtetl”

 
 

old time country style stigmata booth

We reserved a spot for you next to the “Fire n Brimstone Chicken Wings.”

 
 

Is opposite message like opposite marriage?

 
 

The “NO EXCEPTIONS” for dogs is off-putting for Schwagstock; no Guide Dogs??

 
 

I’ll wait for the one with the opposite message of the Monterey Pop Festival.

(I know they’ll have no trouble finding the opposite of Otis Redding…)

Or maybe the opposite of Newport.

 
 

I apologize on behalf of all sane Missourians for this absurdity.
(And I’m so old I remember when Branson was nothing but the Baldknobslobbers, Steal Your Dollar City and … well, that was ’bout it, other than the lake.)

IMHO, they should just let everything south of route 44 (or, as they call it in St. Loser, “Rat Farty Far”) be given to Arkansas since the inbred dumbfuckery fits in perfect with the “I Married My Sister State.”

 
 

“I Married My Sister State.”

So we could call this event Familywood-stock?

 
 

>be given to Arkansas since the inbred dumbfuckery fits in perfect with the “I Married My Sister State.”

Uhhh.

 
 

And “Wilderness Outcry” makes me think of “Deliverance.” Why is that?

 
 

Why is that?

Something to do with squealing pigs and purtty mouths, I believe …

::insert “Dueling Banjos” here::

 
 

Finally! Finally, the Xians have a place where they can gather to hear religious music and listen to people talk about God and Jeebus! Now, if only some enterprising young buck were to devise a way that people could do this on a more regular basis without having to travel hundreds of miles. Some place where folks could meet, say every week, that was close to their homes.

That go-getter would really be on to something, I tell you what!

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Their version of “The Star-Spangled Banner” is going to be SO much lamer.

 
 

Something to do with squealing pigs and purtty mouths, I believe …

Yes, yes, of course.

 
 

War! Good God Y’All! What is it Good For. Absolutely Everything. Say it Again.

 
 

Don’t eat the brown communion wafers, people!

Praise the Lawd!

 
 

“Their version of “The Star-Spangled Banner” is going to be SO much lamer”

But the Fish Cheer could be interesting: Well, it’s one, two, three, what are we praying for?

 
 

Their version of “The Star-Spangled Banner” is going to be SO much lamer.

Yep. Miss Beverly Hills is slated to sing it.

 
 

Well, when I think of the opposite of free love, I think expensive love.
Step 1: fill up the bus in Reno and Las Vegas with women of negotiable affection
Step 2 bus them to Missouri
Step 3: profit!

 
 

Schwagstock? Surely no good weed will be found there.

 
 

A self-described Christian who goes to some form of mass media and complains about the lack of “Judeo-Christian values” in anything is never, ever a good sign. You know this guy would lose his mind if a gaggle of Hasidic Jews showed up at his shindig. Oh, and when I was a boy, we called big get-togethers of preachers and music “revivals”, not “anti-Woodstock”, Mr. Prideful Guy.

 
 

what he calls an opposite message.

War and Hate?

 
 

They should really bill it as the “anti-Altamont,” given that the whole thing is focused on a guy who came back to life.

I don’t know. He did get stabbed by security.

 
 

I never have anything clever to say here but today I finally had something and gocart mozart beat me to it.I was going to go with “peace,absolutely nothing” though.
I got nothing else.

 
 

O. M. G.

I just knew a “Woodstock-like gospel event…that’s rumored to possibly bring in up to 100,000 people” had to have some sort of web presence, but I never expected to be lucky enough to find a blog.

I feel that God is calling the Church in the USA to wake up from her slumber and take an active role in helping the people of this nation to join others around the world in becoming the pure Bride of Christ. It is time for us to awaken, rise up as a holy and righteous people, who will humble ourselves and cry out to God, in order that the enemy’s plans for this Nation shall be reversed.

Man, I dunno what the hell Jerry Murphy’s talking about, but that’s hot.

 
 

All I know is, if someone gets up on stage and says “There’s gotta be a half million of you fuckers out there!”, that would be totally awesome.

 
 

Tune out, turn off & drop in!

Schwagstock indeed sounds like it’s, er, kind of lacking somehow … let me know if there’s ever a Kushstock, or perhaps a Clonestock.

 
 

If some Xian rock band was clever, they could be the new version of Country Joe and the Fish, since a fish is a universal symbol for Xist and of course Joe is for Jesus’ earthly father.

I can’t imagine this festival drawing 100K kids who have to borrow their dad’s car or rent a bus from the church. The Xian youth groups are not that big, and the Xian rock bands are not that good. Frankly, they all sound the same.

But, I could be wrong. We shall need a follow-up article.

 
 

“Their version of “The Star-Spangled Banner” is going to be SO much lamer.”

I’m sure the Creed rendition will be suicide inducing.

 
 

http://www.955thefish.com/

Here’s a local Xian rock station. After 30 minutes of this, you will miss Crosby, Stills & Nash like never before.

 
 

Jews not welcome, of course.

 
 

Their version of “The Star-Spangled Banner” is going to be SO much lamer.

Yep. Miss Beverly Hills is slated to sing it.

Oh, say, like, can you sing?
By the fershure dawn’s…what was that again?
What so proudly we haloed
At the twilight’s last…OHNO, that word sounds like it might not be opposite marriage!

 
 

This is so considerate of them; all getting together in a big open field like this. This saves Fema the trouble of rounding them up and putting them in camps, all you need to to do is string some barbed wire around the compound and voila – one more obstacle to the socialist facist Musilm take over of America is removed.
Heh heh heh.

 
 

At the twilight’s last…OHNO, that word sounds like it might not be opposite marriage!

Gag me with a spoon!

 
 

I tried to leave a comment, but it wouldn’t work…

Nice try! I won’t be attending because I know that this is some kind of trickery! Gather up hundreds of thousands of the Faithful in one place…then what? Obama Concentration Camps–that’s what! I hope you know that I will be telling everyone I know to avoid this obvious trick!

 
 

Shit fuck! Prof. Fate beat me to teh idea.

 
 

all you need to to do is string some barbed wire around the compound and voila

And air-drop bales of Cheetos, funnel cakes and corndogs.

Happy campers.

 
 

I’m thinking…find a goat (superstitious christian freaks are scared to death of goats and snakes), get naked, paint a few phony pagan symbols on my body and make a big appearance!

Who’s with me?

 
 

I think the goat might be a distraction. Especially if it’s in heels.

 
 

i dreamed i was an iceberg the size of luxembourg in my iron maidenform killer bra

 
 

all you need to to do is string some barbed wire around the compound and voila

mädchen goats in uniform wearing heels, wired amphetamine barbies with sharp metal points, and violas violas violas playing all night

i’m reporting you guys to the counselor

 
 

They should really bill it as the “anti-Altamont,” given that the whole thing is focused on a guy who came back to life.

Security provided by Heaven’s Thugs?

 
 

Crossburningstock?

 
 

We will start at 7pm tonight and praise, pray and worship and we will do it again on Saturday all day.

And that’s just the initial planning stages. Maybe it will be Woodstock-like with all the boinkings and rolling around in the mud.

 
 

Be sure to bring your weiners and marshmallows for the witch burnin’!

A bunch of marshmallows with tiny wieners are already going to be there.

 
 

but with what he calls an opposite message

damn nihilists

 
 

Roodstock.

Blah blah blah sometimes people may want to make a short comment because extraneous verbiage can lessen the impact of a pithier statement.

 
 

I’ll be the one at Wilderness Outcry running the Vajazzling for Jeezus tent.

 
 

I’ll be the one at Wilderness Outcry running the Vajazzling for Jeezus tent

Normal Christians will use glue.

Flagellants will line up for the Bedazzler tent

 
 

“It’s like church, but for FIVE DAYS!”

 
 

should they hold an anti-burning man event next?

disapproving man?

dying man-god?

 
 

“I feel that God is calling the Church in the USA to wake up from her slumber and take an active role in helping the people of this nation to join others around the world in becoming the pure Bride of Christ. ”

Ugh, Jesus only wants to do it missionary …

 
 

should they hold an anti-burning man event next?

you mean Burning Witch of course.

 
 

“It’s like church, but for FIVE DAYS!”

So it’s like church!

 
Marion in Savannah
 

Does it have to be a goat in high heels? Why not a sheep? Lamb of God, and all that, ya know…

 
 

I think some of those Young Cons should run the Enhanced Interrogation/Inquisition Booth to convert the heathens. Burning witches is so smelly. Waterboarding is environmentally more sound, plus it doesn’t make a mess.

 
 

Does it have to be a goat in high heels? Why not a sheep?

Goats put out. Sheep you have to get drunk.

 
 

If you’ve ever been to a swap meet (Harley-Davidson style), or pagan festival or Ren fest, you know they have all these vendor booths. I can imagine so many potential revenue-generating activities:

Chastity belt from hand-tooled leather
Silver “promise” rings and other holy jewelry
Baptism via dunk tank
The above mentioned EIT/Inquisition booth
Tattoo parlor – the FISH at half price

 
 

“I feel that God is calling the Church in the USA to wake up from her slumber and take an active role in helping the people of this nation to join others around the world in becoming the pure Bride of Christ. ”

Ugh, Jesus only wants to do it missionary …

Explains why the bride’s having such a hard time staying awake.

 
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig
 

Neil Young should crash this mess and sing “Southern Man”. When he gets to the line “Now your crosses are burning fast” there will be masses of the subhumans writhing in ectasy.

 
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig
 

Silver “promise” rings and other holy jewelry

Possible best seller tee-shirt slogan: “I’m saving my veejayjay for marriage but don’t shun me. I swallow”

 
 

If you’ve ever been to a swap meet (Harley-Davidson style), or pagan festival or Ren fest, you know they have all these vendor booths. I can imagine so many potential revenue-generating activities:

Yea, we started that list already

The Baptism Dunk Tank…hadn’t thought of that one.

 
 

The Baptism Dunk Tank

“Let he who is without sin cast the first baseball! Or three for five dollars!”

 
 

Actually, that bark would make more sense at the Stone The Sluts attraction.

This all started with Whack-A-Heathen…

 
 

Scene at Bloodstock:

“Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs!”

“Daddy, can I have a foot long?”

“No, son, there are no blacks here”

 
 

If you’ve ever been to a swap meet (Harley-Davidson style), or pagan festival or Ren fest, you know they have all these vendor booths. I can imagine so many potential revenue-generating activities:

You made me think of this lovely street fair, and boy, such vendor booths you never saw. I wonder if we could get them to drop the whole thing in, impromptu co-hosting, like.

 
 

As I may have mentioned once or twice, I’m a refugee from fundamentalist southern mizurah. It’s nice to see that they are having their own damned festivals these days.

When I was a kid, every time there was some public gathering we had to put on clown costumes and hand out tracts. “Clowns for Jesus” we called ourselves. Or sometimes we would hand out little pink plastic fetuses. Nothing says “Happy St Patrick’s Day” like a plastic fetus.

 
 

Next up: Opposite “We are the World:”

We’re not the world,
We are the chosen,
We are the ones who are getting saved,
Not godless heathens,

No more help for Haiti,
No help for New Orleans,
They brought it all on themselves,
So let ’em die.

 
 

“I feel that God is calling the Church in the USA to wake up from her slumber and take an active role in helping the people of this nation to join others around the world in becoming the pure Bride of Christ. ”

Ugh, Jesus only wants to do it missionary …

Explains why the bride’s having such a hard time staying awake.

I’m pretty sure missionary isn’t the “active role”. When I heard “submissive” plus “active”, I’m thinking “blowjob.”

 
 

No hot dogs there, only loaves & fishes.

 
 

Nothing says “Happy St Patrick’s Day” like a plastic fetus.

And nothing says “The Anguish of Jeebus” like a waterboarding booth. Baptism with panache!

 
 

Kinda rude of Jesus to wake his Bride from her beauty sleep for a BJ. He should just booty dial that ho Mary Magdalene. Or log into vatican.va and cyber with Ratzi’s boyfriend. It’s cheating, but only virtually. Oo la la.

 
 

And nothing says “The Anguish of Jeebus” like a waterboarding booth.

Big sign over it: WWJD?
“Who Would Jesus Drown?

 
 

Man, there are times I wish I was more adept with graphic arts and stuff, because I can almost envision the colorful map they’d hand out at the gate with each admission.

 
 

Burning witches is so smelly make me hungry – they smell so tasty!

 
 

You’re going to hell for that, commie atheist.

too funny…

 
 

“It’s like church, but for FIVE DAYS!”

So it’s like church Catholic Mass!

Fizixed for greatest justice.

Nothing says “Happy St Patrick’s Day” like a plastic fetus.

They seem more applicable to Easter. Ya know, instead of eggs and candy, have kids try finding plastic fetuses, with the lucky ones finding doll that represents one being “reborn.”

(Anyone else think that we could start a S,N! consulting company? I mean, this thread alone has tons of winning ideas.)

 
 

“No, son, there are no blacks here”

White backwoods trash gospel music, then?

Oh, THAT will go well…

 
 

Why not a sheep?

Vy not a chicken?

 
 

Just wait till they get a load of the Nine Levels Of Hell Funhouse.

 
 

Thanks, not-gator. Purchased my ticket to the nether regions quite a while ago, though.

And no, I’m not talking about DKW’s mom…

 
 

(sings)

“i don’t care if it rains or freezes, long as i got my plastic fetus…”

 
 

“set up like Woodstock, but with what he calls an opposite message.”

Wow that’s just making it too easy as the message of Woodstock on the fliers was “Peace and Music.” Yep, I completely believe that this will have the opposite message.
On a side note, how is it that even now dirty hippies will criss-cross the country for Suckapalooza or Burning Man just to have a good time but the Godly ™ can’t go outside their Vegas in Branson for their own festival unless they get a chance to stick it to the dirty hippies? Can’t they just get together to enjoy their music, each other’s company, and worship? Guess not.

 
 

Does it have to be a goat in high heels? Why not a sheep?

Goats put out. Sheep you have to get drunk.

I wear the heels, it rounds out the stereotype well. But that’s all I’d wear.

Also. Goats are a sign of the devil. Possession of a goat indicates my deviliness.

 
 

Commie atheist totally inspired this:

Gimme an F!
F!
Gimme an I!
I!
Gimme an S!
S!
Gimme an H!
H!
What’s that spell ?
FISH!
What’s that spell ?
FISH!
What’s that spell ?
FISH!
Yeah, come on all you Christian base
The country needs His loving grace.
They’re drowning in their hedonist mud
We’ll baptize y’all in Jesus’ blood
So bring all the kooks, cling to your guns
We’re gonna have a whole lotta fun.

And it’s one, two, three,
What are we fighting for ?
Tea parties and terr-ist defense,
School prayer and abstinence;
And it’s five, six, seven,
Waterboard the swarthy ones,
Well there ain’t no time to hang the queers,
Whoopee! The Rapture is near.

 
 

Off topic:

Holy shit, dentistry really is theft, now.

 
 

Beck mocks Rep. Slaughter’s story: “I’ve read the Constitution … I didn’t see that you had a right to teeth”

No, Glenn, but my fist says I have the right to yours.

 
 

Calls to mind an old story I heard during horrible years in Branson:

Brush arbor revival with a young preacher and an older one, both with quite a reputation with the ladies. Greeting folks at the entrance, they had a contest to see who’d screwed the most. Here comes Widow Jones. Old Preacher says “amen,” as does the younger. Same with the banker’s wife. And the wives of the funeral home and feed store owners. Tied score. Here comes the young preacher’s pretty wife, so of course he says “amen,’ but so does the old preacher. Younger preacher’s ready to fight but just then old preacher’s wife and daughter come by. Old preacher says “amen;” young preacher says “amen, amen,” and then the fight starts.

Newspaper account of the event says it’s scandalous to see men of doG fighting at a revival, but doesn’t say why. Of course everyone knew the rest of the story.

A few years later I moved further south to Arkansas. There the old preacher would have said “amen, amen” as well.

 
Marion in Savannah
 

It’s not o/t because PENIS is always on topic…

 
 

Beck mocks Rep. Slaughter’s story: “I’ve read the Constitution … I didn’t see that you had a right to teeth”

Says someone who cried like a tiny poopy baby about how bad US health care was after his “botched” hemorrhoid operation. As if they could narrow down on him where the asshole was. Next time I hope they use a melon baller, roll THAT in your Constitution and smoke it.

 
 

Calls to mind an old story I heard during horrible years in Branson:

Why did they name a town after that Limey guy who owns the airline?

 
 

There the old preacher would have said “amen, amen” as well.

Yes, but then he would have referred to his wife and sister, and it would only be one woman.

 
 

Why did they name a town after that Limey guy who owns the airline?

He bought the town as a tax dodge.

 
 

“Marion in Savannah said,

February 26, 2010 at 22:36

It’s not o/t because PENIS is always on topic…”

—————————————————————————————

Now THAT’s major wood! (And it seems to have a little brother on the roof behind it…)

 
 

I plan on making a fortune running the wet-suit and dildo concession.

 
 

Props to loretta who has a promising future as a lyricist.

Or some sort of cyst.

 
 

Schwagstock? Think I’ll hold out for Dankstock. Or are they calling it Chronicstock?

Either way….ROAD TRIP!!!!!

 
 

Says someone who cried like a tiny poopy baby about how bad US health care was after his “botched” hemorrhoid operation

Getting a zipper installed on your reamed out asshole is now called hemmorhoid surgery?

 
 

Miss Poppy will have a booth, no doubt.

 
 

Quite frankly, I’d happily visit Schwagstock over the current Drystock I’ve been attending lately.

Desperation being the mother of ditchweed, etc. etc. etc.

 
 

Better insist on a rubber in Utah, ladies (and make sure your depo is up-to-date) (speaking of PENIS, as in MAJOR DICK DICKERY):

Lose your pregnancy, GO TO PRISON, INCUBATRICE SLATTERNS!

 
 

The bill responds to a case in which a Vernal woman allegedly paid a man $150 to beat her and cause miscarriage but could not be charged.

But! But! But Dr Mrs Putz Helen says that men never HIT women!

 
 

USA 6, Finland 0 after 2 periods.

Another rainy day in the S.F. Bay Area.

Carry on.

 
 

FYI, now available for download:

http://karlrove.bandcamp.com/

 
A concerned citizen
 

The first Mumia is always free…

 
 

I hope there’s a big scandal at anti-Woodstock, so we can apply both the suffix “stock” and “gate,” like this:

Godstockgate

And then I hope a few years from now, there’s a celebration of that scandal, and that can be called:

Godstockgatestock

And, then, if there’s a big scandal at that celebration…

Godstockgatestockgate

etc.

 
 
 

The bill responds to a case in which a Vernal woman allegedly paid a man $150 to beat her and cause miscarriage but could not be charged.

While we are at it, we should make it illegal for homeless people to sell their blood for money to buy food. Also, it should be a felony to hire someone on the internet to pull your tooth or to sew a finger back on.

 
 

The bill responds to a case in which a Vernal woman allegedly paid a man $150 to beat her and cause miscarriage but could not be charged.

But! But! But Dr Mrs Putz Helen says that men never HIT women!

Hey, for profit beatings are different because markets want to be free. Also too, while miscarriages are murder, unpaid-for miscarriages are theft.

 
 

I have nothing to say, really, but I feel like saying something.

So I’ll complain about Obama. One of the idjits at the “summit” said something like “We’ve been asking for [some particluar law/reform/thing] for years.” I am so disappointed when Obambi did _not_ say, “So why the fuck didn’t you do it during all those years you had the House, Senate and WH, you disingenuous sack of shit?”

That is all.

 
 

I have nothing to say, really, but I feel like saying something.

Neither penis nor poop.

 
 

Neither penis nor poop.

Not even a recipe for human-based fetus fusion food…

 
 

The Oxford-based university has been without a mascot since 2003, when Colonel Reb, a caricature of an aging Southern planter, was run off the field.

Run off the field? By what, darkies with pitchforks and torches?

 
 

a five-day event in June that is set up like Woodstock, but with what he calls an opposite message

Stockwood?

 
 

The Oxford-based university has been without a mascot since 2003, when Colonel Reb, a caricature of an aging Southern planter, was run off the field.

Run off the field? By what, darkies with pitchforks and torches?

I’m hoping by a caricature of a Federal occupation soldier.

 
 

Colonel Reb, a caricature of an aging Southern planter, was run off the field.

Run off the field? By what, darkies with pitchforks and torches?

By Mrs Col Reb, also known as Sister Reb, for being caught in flagrante delicto with Uncle Col Reb.

 
 

Neither penis nor poop.

He did say “sack” and “shit,” though.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Admission will be free, though Murphy may charge for camping leaving to help recover the cost of hosting the event.

Looks better now!

I don’t want it to come to the point where I see the rocks at Moriah Ranch crying out!

Can’t wait til the Balrog shows up!

Burning witches is so smelly make me hungry – they smell so tasty!

I prefer to eat my witches raw, if you know what I mean… and I think you (plural) do.

 
 

I love it. The motto should be:
“Christians: burning with envy since 1969!”

Loozers.

 
 

I prefer to eat my witches raw, if you know what I mean… and I think you (plural) do.

Raw, raw raw – that’s the spirit!

 
 

As if they could narrow down on him where the asshole was.

I just startled my cubicle neighbor by laughing.

 
 

As if they could narrow down on him where the asshole was.

To paraphrase: It’s assholes all the way to the bottom.

 
 

If a wilderness cries out and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?

 
 

The gathering will feature gospel music and religious speakers

I can’t wait for the Amy Grant electric guitar version of “Onward Christian Soldiers”.

Please. These guys all think Amy Grant is a secular heathen, a Mata Hari sent by the devil to distract good Christian boys. This will be Southern gospel music.

Also, if you think 100,000 at a Christian festival is far-fetched or unbelievable, think again.

 
 

Raw, raw raw – that’s the spirit!

More sugar!

 
 

I came upon a child of God
He was walking along the road
And I asked him “Where are you going?”
And this he told me…

I’m going on down to Poplar Bluff
Gonna join a praise-and-roll band
Gonna camp out on the land
Gonna make sure that the gays… aren’t… free…..

We aren’t stardust
We are sinners
And there’s just no way to get back to the garden.

 
 

how likely are you to peer through a funk of whiskey induced haze in order to count the sheer number of feet sticking out of that tent? or fall into a k-hole staring at said feet? what are they doing in there, anyway!?! it sounds fun!! end up joining them and becoming a pair of feet, who knows where it will end, though, really it doesn’t matter because it will be mostly forgotten in a couple hours..

or, you could go camping and pray a lot.

 
 

Wilder Outrage sounds like something The Daily Show would cover.

 
 

Not even a recipe for human-based fetus fusion food…

Speaking of which: where the hell has zrm been lately?

My guess?

Got stuck near Poplar Bluff and couldn’t find enuf branez.

 
 

The wood now rises over the side of a cement wall in the owner’s backyard where it is visible to people walking by.

Yeah, I had a problem like that once. Just barely kept outta tha hoosegow with some fancy talkin.

 
 

Conservatives really are stuck in the 60s, aren’t they? They can’t co-opt something a tad more recent, like hair metal or synth-pop?

 
 

The opposite of Woodstock?

Everyone’s going to wear four layers of clothing and stay very, very dry.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

Martian Buddy:

Or at least Lollapalooza.

But no, once again they provide the evidence that they’re still pissed off their father grounded them that month, and they didn’t have the balls to skip out with their friends and take a road trip. So now all that bitterness and anger and blue-balls over missing free love and good music has backed up into their brains and made them awful people.

So it must’ve not been that great a concert anyway, it was full of hippies, and drugs, and all the other things I desperately wanted but couldn’t handle, and so they’re going to raise a barn and start a dance that’s ten times better and it’ll have Jesus who’s going to strike down everyone that was having fun before me.

They’re fucking sad.

 
 

How on Earth do they expect 100,000 people? Hendrix is dead and there’s only 2 of the Who left (The 1/2 Who i call them).

Will they get Prussian Blue?

 
Pliny_the_Elder
 

Oh man… If I lived anywhere nearby I would be tempted to go free market all over their asses, selling bottles of water and cups of soup at $5 a pop. Something tells me that the vast majority would not come prepared for camping in a field somewhere in the middle of goddamn nowhere.

 
 

Oh man… If I lived anywhere nearby I would be tempted to go free market all over their asses, selling bottles of Jesus water and cups of Holy soup at $15 a pop.

Fixed for more likely scenario.

 
 

Who is accusing whom of hate? Seems to me this blog is full of it.

 
 

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