Justification: Fail
Posted on February 23rd, 2010 by
Hmm, this story seems harmless enough:
Led by Sergeant Savage, a team of officers is to spend the next year stopping drivers who flout the rules on particularly accident-heavy stretches of road.
Except:
Mr. Smith, the road safety manager, said that the campaign’s name was a homage to motorists’ endless litany of fruitless rationalizations. “I was out about a year ago and we stopped a lady who had three children in the back of the car,” he related. “The officer said, ‘Why aren’t these children belted in?’ and she said, ‘They’re not my children.'”
10-4!
The best line in the whole thing:
“Their innocuous unmarked car became a light-flashing, siren-blaring vessel of righteousness …”
I could have sworn that “vessel of righteousness” referred to Sarah Palin, but maybe not in Great Britain.
“You said your child didn’t bite!”
“Zat ees not mah child.”
““I was out about a year ago and we stopped a lady who had three children in the back of the car,” he related. “The officer said, ‘Why aren’t these children belted in?’ and she said, ‘They’re not my children.’””
All reality, none of it scripted…
Sergeant Savage
Holy fuck, that is awesome. I’m picturing a line of action figures alongside Major Pain, Captain Badass and General Chaos.
But what does Shit Steyn have to say about this?
a light-flashing, siren-blaring vessel of righteousness
Worst novelty condom EVAH.
Sergeant Savage
Damn. Thought it was Sgt Slaughter.
“Awright, you maggot! Give me 20 deep ones for speeding!”
OH COME ON!
I finally read the entire article.
Sgt Savage? Constable BRIGGS?!?!?!?
I smell a reporter’s leg was pulled hard.
Sergeant Savage is the son that Doc doesn’t talk about.
Sergeant Savage is the son that Doc doesn’t talk about.
Was that the one where Doc and Randy got it on?
Sgt Savage? Constable BRIGGS?!?!?!?
Both with the same first name too. Fortunately this plan seems like it’ll be a real Cure to the dangerous driving:
“The officer said, ‘Why aren’t these children belted in?’ and she said, ‘They’re not my children.’”
The driver, an angular-featured redhead, explained that she had taken the unruly children from a restaurant in which she had been drinking appletinis. She told the responding officer that she was planning to throw them in an excrement-filled moat.
Holy fuck, that is awesome. I’m picturing a line of action figures alongside Major Pain, Captain Badass and General Chaos.
Don’t forget Corporal Punishment!
Holy fuck, that is awesome. I’m picturing a line of action figures alongside Major Pain, Captain Badass and General Chaos.
It’s like a UNIX machine: A Major Fault causes a Kernel Error which ends in a General Failure.
The car didn’t have a trunk?
Sometimes, when Sgt. Savage is busting a traffic infractor, his mind’s ear hears the voice of Daniel Stern recounting tales of his childhood and the lessons learned therefrom.
Was that the one where Doc and Randy got it on?
Is Randy the ape-like gentleman who gets knocked out two or three times in each book or he is simply an adjective?
I’m picturing a line of action figures alongside Major Pain, Captain Badass and General Chaos.
Don’t forget Corporal Punishment!
What about Private Privates?
Rusty,
Well played. *polite golf clap*
Martini?
Don’t forget Corporal Punishment!
How about Corporal Manifestation Of A Vengenful Spirit?
Is Randy the ape-like gentleman who gets knocked out two or three times in each book or he is simply an adjective?
I was thinking of the wrestler, and spokesmodel for Slim Jims. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHYEA!
spokesmodel for Slim Jims
Can we go back to discussion of wholesome topics, like bukkake?
Corporal Punishment, Private Fantasy….
Those aren’t children, thats merchandise.
It’s good to see that Robert Remus finally left the WWF and moved to England to get a real job.
Now Robert is a Bobby!
Not going for the mangoes, but may I just say I’m JUST SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED to have yet another aspect of our lives where the “zero tolerance” bullshit can overwhelm mere humanity.
Bleagh.
Bobby Rebus is, of course, an English cop whose head is shaped like his helmet.
I don’t know. There’s a certain charm to it.
Also, before wading ashore I assumed this was in the US. I feel both relieved and uneasy that we’re not alone.
Oh, and since it’s Brit Police, we really ought to be using appropriate ranks.
Commander Performance.
Bobby Rebus is, of course, an English cop whose head is shaped like his helmet.
Well played, sir.
Worst novelty condom EVAH.
Says the guy who wants one with readouts, dials and a sexy contralto countdown.
Watch K-Lo reminisce about that time that lady called ladies stupid.
Gin & tonic plztxbi
No.
Women can’t serve on subs because because breasts and vaginas require equipment that takes space that should be occupied by killing equipment. DUH
I smell a reporter’s leg was pulled hard.
…which would be the funniest damn thing I’ve seen all year!
Private Public, General Specific…
HAHA!
Women can’t serve on subs
Nor grinders, hoagies, torpedoes, or paté.
K-Lo might be upset about the sub thing because she’s never been asked to go down.
K-Lo might be upset about the sub thing because she’s never been asked to go down.
Somewhere there is a horse, begging to differ with you and asking that you not reveal his identity.
Oh, and since it’s Brit Police, we really ought to be using appropriate ranks.
Commander Performance.
Assisted by Lefttwofeet Thompson’s Gazelle of the Yard, Flying Squad division.
Women can’t serve on subs because because breasts and vaginas require equipment that takes space that should be occupied by killing equipment.
She’s a Killllllllllllllllah QUEE-EEN!
Get rid of the periscope. Who needs one when you’ve got female intuition aboard? “I have a feeling something is up there . . .
We should stuff K-Lo in a torpedo tube and patrol the coast of Lebanon. Given how she’s ALWAYS FUCKING PMSing about *something*, she’ll be battle ready 24/7
Assisted by Lefttwofeet Thompson’s Gazelle of the Yard, Flying Squad division.
Hee Hee…Limeys.
Take out the torpedoes to make room for individual shower stalls.
Funny how the showers are always the first thing on their minds
Operational equipment? On coed subs? Don’t be silly. Get rid of the periscope. Who needs one when you’ve got female intuition aboard? “I have a feeling something is up there . . . “
Mine says she’s a moron who looks bad trying to beat up on even the saddest of straw men.
K-Lo might be upset about the sub thing because she’s never been asked to go down.
This is central to my point.
Was there a sad trombone playing after the officer’s punchline?
Bobby Rebus is, of course, an English cop whose head is shaped like his helmet.
Scottish.
What about Private Privates?
Don’t you mean Private Partz?
Worst novelty condom EVAH.
Says the guy who wants one with readouts, dials and a sexy contralto countdown.
It is a courtesy for all concerned.
K-Lo might be upset about the sub thing because she’s never been asked to go down.
Surfacing now, sir!
Bruce Dickinson to the other guys in Iron Maiden: “screw you guys, I want to sound like Krokus”
Says the guy who wants one with readouts, dials and a sexy contralto countdown.
If it vibrates too, I’ll take a gross.
Bobby Rebus is, of course, an English cop whose head is shaped like his helmet.
Scottish.
John is Bobby’s uncle. He has helmet-shaped Private Privates.
Get rid of the periscope. Who needs one when you’ve got female intuition aboard?
Gut feeling – good enough for running a country, not good enough for running a submarine, amirite, pubs?
Major Disaster is on the ‘phone. He didn’t get his invitation.
Major Disaster is on the ‘phone. He didn’t get his invitation.
Sorry. Blame it on a General Fuckup.
You guys are fucking hilarious and I don’t know what the hell you are talking about and I’m not clicking on links today but shit its good anyway.
And those Brit cops looked kinda cute, I thought all brits were ugly people.
That “scuse my finGAHs” guy is a Loo Tenant.
I think it’s a good idea to put the leadership of the Republican Party and the right wing mags and blogs on a submarine and see how their skills assist in the navigation. In fact, I think it’s a great idea.
the leadership of the Republican Party
The who now?
You know, AKA “The Gang That Can’t Shoot Straight,” AKA PNAC
…speaking of justification FAIL and all…
“Women can’t serve on subs…”
Smithers – “I don’t think women and seamen should mix, sir”
Speaking of Generals, Gen. David “He who shall not be mocked by MoveOn.org” Petraeus has destroyed his chances in Republican politics.
http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/david-petraeus-refutes-cheney-torture
They may be crazy assholes, but they ran the country for 8 years and so far have stymied Democratic legislation by uniformly filibustering almost 300 votes, so, joke if you want, but at least their party has leadership.
El Cid said,
February 23, 2010 at 23:47
I think it’s a good idea to put the leadership of the Republican Party and the right wing mags and blogs on a submarine and see how their skills assist in the navigation. In fact, I think it’s a great idea.
Great idea. First thing Bush did.
but at least their party has leadership
Or followers.
I mean without any Naval assistance. And it doesn’t have to be a big strong modern nuclear sub, either. One of those tourist things would be fine.
If you give a 100K donation, you expect bit more than a goddamn travel mug and a tote bag for your sacrifice. America Fuckyeah!
Speaking of Generals, Gen. David “He who shall not be mocked by MoveOn.org” Petraeus has destroyed his chances in Republican politics.
My heart, it bleeds.
*snerk*
Three days later, the Navy reveals that two civilians were at the steering controls of the submarine when it surfaced and struck the vessel (see February 9, 2001)
That occurred between 2001 and 2005, thus it was Clinton’s fault. Bad stuff from 2005 to 2009 is Obama’s fault.
But the 2nd inaugural ball was all Shrub.
Major Asshole!
Was there a sad trombone playing after the officer’s punchline?
Or was that just Sarge Savage’s loyal sidekick, Rusty Trombone?
No, I think you’re thinking of Sanchez el Sucio.
good enough for running a country
No, Sarah Failin is a complete anomaly with respect to her acting like and man and whatnot.
No, Sarah Failin is a complete anomaly with respect to her acting like and man and whatnot.
I was thinking of Gee Dumbya Bush.
Gut feeling – good enough for running a country, not good enough for running a submarine, amirite, pubs?
Holy crap, that is the perfect response to her “reasoning.”
Gut feeling – good enough for running a country, not good enough for running a submarine, amirite, pubs?
Holy crap, that is the perfect response to her “reasoning.”
No, she’ll just say that if the gut feeling is inspired by Jeebus, then it’s OK.
Wingnut response to Toyota “The CPU Controls Your Accelerator” Senate Hearings:
Automotive Safety regulations are theft.
No, she’ll just say that if the gut feeling is inspired by Jeebus, then it’s OK.
Ah, but Jesus talks to girls too so she’s still boned.
I think that all we need to get out of the recession is MOAR TX CUTS! MORE FREEDOM, and there will be INCENTIVES TO BE PRODUCTIVE! Government cant do a thing to help should just get out of the way instead of MOAR regulations
I mean without any Naval assistance. And it doesn’t have to be a big strong modern nuclear sub, either. One of those tourist things would be fine.
As long as it has a screen door, I approve.
MORE FREEDOM and OUTLAW TEH GAY BUTSECKS AND HOMO MARRIGE
Before his promotion to Sergeant, Constable Savage knew all about excuses: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BO8EpfyCG2Y
I can’t believe no one’s made the obvious Red Dwarf joke yet.
“On the other hand, Mr. Bullitt, perhaps the Cybernautics division is in charge of traffic control, and you just happen to have a rather silly macho name.”
Rimmer to Kryten, “Back to Reality”, with despair squid action!)
Ah, but Jesus talks to girls too so she’s still boned.
I have my doubts about her being boned. However, Boner is still missing, so maybe they should check with K-Lo.
TX CUTS!
I’m fine with cutting off Texas. I recommend starting at El Paso and continuing along the northern border until we reach Beaumont.
Boner is still missing, so maybe they should check with K-Lo.
Ewww. Kathy Bates/James Caan/Misery images flooding my brane.
Make them stop!
Ewww. Kathy Bates/James Caan/Misery images flooding my brane.
K-Lo: I am your number one fan. There is nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine. I am your number one fan.
Anyone see the visual put up at Wonkette about the Jo’berg right’s latest liberal fascist historical icon, Teddy Roosevelt?
I can’t believe that Sadly, No! has slid down the slippery slope so far that it sympathies with Teh Man!
Even if these pigs are cool…
~
Fuck The Man. I’m a pedestrian who made a conscious decision not to drive because I have medical problems and I don’t want to hit anyone else. If the jackass who hit me in a crosswalk fifteen years ago had at least bothered to pay some goddamned attention, it would have spared me fifteen years of near-daily migraines. If it takes The Man to make shitheads pay attention when they’re casually operating a potentially deadly weapon, I’m for it. If you want to be fussing with your fucking cell phone, take the fucking bus like the rest of us do.
WP eated my link, D. Sidhe.
I get in my car an average of one time a month.
~
Holier than Thou Dep’t.:
Never owned one, haven’t been behind a wheel since 1982!
Now that my mom no longer lives there, Texas can secede for all I care.
D. Sidhe! I’ve missed you! Or maybe I’m the one who hasn’t been around as much…
I have never driven a car and for similar reasons. I tend to space out and walk into things. In a car this would be a greater problem.
I can’t resist. I am so sorry.
Holy fuck, that is awesome. I’m picturing a line of action figures alongside Major Pain, Captain Badass and General Chaos.
Don’t forget Corporal Punishment!
And Colonel Knowledge.
Colonel Panic.
NOT TOO SHORT NOW, IS IT, YOU USELESS CONGLOMERATION OF ELECTRONS?
Years ago I was listening to a lecture by a vision researcher, Wim van de Grind of Utrecht (whom God preserve). His conclusion was that the more he learned about the mechanics and limitations of human vision perception — especially motion perception — the less inclined he became to travel by car.
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
February 23, 2010 at 22:50
K-Lo might be upset about the sub thing because she’s never been asked to go down.
Gotta go with Billy:
As he professes to want to reduce the dangerous budget deficit, Obama brings to mind the hapless engineers at Toyota who find that their vehicles accelerate whether or not the driver wants them to.
It appears that no matter how hard Obama jams on the brakes with his new-found commitment to deficit reduction — having already almost doubled the deficit in one year — the level of red ink just seems inexorably to rise. Obviously, more fundamental change in the budget’s engineering is needed. But, unfortunately, it is easier to recall a car than a president.
Obama’s announced intention to freeze 13 percent of the budget spending for three years is a relatively minor cut. It will reduce the deficit by only 3 percent over the decade. If Obama really wants to get serious about reducing the deficit, he could do so easily.
All he has to do to bring the deficit under control is to stop the remaining $500 billion of his $800 billion stimulus package from being spent and to refund back to the U.S. Treasury the $500 billion in TARP funds the banks have repaid.
Instead, he is merrily proceeding to build pork barrel projects all over America using stimulus funding despite its demonstrated inability to curb the recession.
Only $300 billion of the stimulus has been spent. He could easily call back the remaining $500 billion before its expenditure creates a deficit so big that America’s economy may not be able to find its way out. But he won’t do so. His commitment to expansion of government spending reminds one of nothing so much as an alcoholic’s desire for a drink right before going on the wagon or a dieter’s attachment to one last banana split before starting a diet.
And, when the money George W. Bush laid out in TARP funding is repaid by the banks that borrowed it, Obama is intent on using these funds to pay for his stimulus 2 package, earmarking $100 billion for state and local aid, $30 billion to small businesses for job creation and $30 billion for consumer credit.
He is, literally, intercepting the money the banks are repaying before it lands in the Treasury and sending it out the door again — this time as spending that will never be recouped instead of the short-term lending for which the money was initially appropriated.
Obama has only to get out of the way and let the banks repay the Treasury to bring the deficit down by a further $500 billion.
When will Obama learn that deficit spending is not the way to stimulate the economy? When will he realize that by adding to the deficit, he is stopping business from borrowing to create jobs and blocking consumers from getting the capital they need to make purchases?
With Treasury debt up 41 percent over the past year and commercial and consumer lending down by more than 20 percent, doesn’t Obama get the point that by hogging the loan window, he is blocking, not catalyzing, job creation.
Yet despite the evidence that stimulus 1 did little to cure the recession, he proceeds with stimulus 2. Like the Medieval doctors who bled a patient to expel the evil spirits that they believed were causing his illness, he drains the economy of the capital it needs to grow. And, when the patient got sicker as the blood flowed out, the doctors decided they had not bled enough and resumed opening his veins. Likewise, Obama has figured that he has not diverted enough capital to the public sector and is about to reopen the spigot.
And, in a novel way to encourage economic growth and new spending, he has announced drastic tax increases on the horizon for next year. What an incentive to potential consumers to know that next year, they will have to pay taxes that are about one-eighth higher than those they pay this year (from 35 percent to 39.6 percent)! And what an inducement to investment to know that when you go to sell your real estate or stocks, you will be socked with a capital gains tax 33 percent higher than at present (15 percent to 20 percent)!
With incentives like these, no wonder the unemployment rate seems stuck at its current high level.
Recall Obama!
So what idiot did he just copy that from?
You know, Mr. All Caps, around here “If we just STOPPED ALL DA SPENDIN'” is generally looked at as satire, but apparently…you actually believe it. Brava.
Damn, somebody dropped a huge turd on this thread.
Should’ve trusted the Dancing Badgers, but noooOOOoo, I had to see what cap’n copypasta had to say.
It sucks when the rotten mangoes come to you.
Bobby Rebus is, of course, an English cop whose head is shaped like his helmet.
When did Edinburgh become part of England (yes i know, some parts are kind of like it, but honestly)?
And those Brit cops looked kinda cute, I thought all brits were ugly people.
What the fuckety-fuck? Next thing you be telling us we all have bad teeth!
Have to pump all their oil dry first. Otherwise we’d just have to go back and have a messy occupation.
WE NEED TO JUST STOP ALL DA SPENDIN’! AND CUT THE TAXES! AND FIX THE DEFICIT! THEN THE JOBS WILL ALL COME BACK BECAUSE THEY JUST WILL!
NOT TOO SHORT NOW, IS IT, YOU USELESS CONGLOMERATION OF ELECTRONS?
Good line for the aftermath of a one-night stand. I must remember it.
When did Edinburgh become part of England (yes i know, some parts are kind of like it, but honestly)?
Bobby, not John. Look upstream of my comment. I guess this is what I get for not quoting.
So what idiot did he just copy that from?
Not that anyone really cares, it’s Dick Morris and Eileen McGann.
Colonel O’Truth.
The forty-pound elephant in the room is socialism. By electing Obama, we forgot to pull our bootstraps over our socks and now the shoe doesn’t fit. The real deficit is the freedom deficit.
What the fuckety-fuck? Next thing you be telling us we all have bad teeth!
Don’t get them started on your food and weather.
What? No Major Major Major amongst the Private Parts jokes?
The ninty-kg bison in the room is radical leninism. By electing Palin, we remembered to pull our panties over our heads and now the police are banging down the door. The real spoon is the freedom spoon.
All this talk of the Navy, and no-one remembers to mention Seaman Staines?
I’m disappointed.
Damn, somebody dropped a huge turd on this thread.
Hey, some of us LIKE Billy Squier.
*hums to self*
Lonely is the night… when you find yourself alone…
Private Pipes said,
February 24, 2010 at 2:08
MORE FREEDOM and OUTLAW TEH GAY BUTSECKS AND HOMO MARRIGE
I see Rugged in Montana enlisted…
And, when the money George W. Bush laid out in TARP funding is repaid by the banks that borrowed it, Obama is intent on using these funds to pay for his stimulus 2 package, earmarking $100 billion for state and local aid, $30 billion to small businesses for job creation and $30 billion for consumer credit.
That sounds an efficient use of capital. Why bother going thru the legislative process when you can simply redirect funds ALREADY APPROVED for outlays ALREADY APPROVED?
Why was “stop the spending” never an option under the guy who effected these record deficits and near depression? Then it was all “why do you hate the troops” this and “with us or with the terrorists” that. I guess if the Republicans ever push to investigate Obama for anything, that spending will be OK, too, no matter how much it is or how stupid the justification.
Dragon King skrev, in answer to St. Trotsky’s question:
I’m not sure I cared as such, but I can’t say I’m surprised to learn the Toesucker was involved, given that my local paper runs his droolings. (And Michael Reagan. And the other paper in my area runs David Limbaugh and Kathleen Parker. And they both run Kraphammer. Even though I’ve never even met the editor of either paper, let alone done anything personally bad enough to them to deserve this.)
So what was the cop’s excuse for pulling me over for merging into the passing lane in front of him, and then sticking me with a ‘failure to signal properly’ and a thousand dollars ‘your six-month insurance card is out of date by a few weeks’ fine?
He didn’t show up. I still had to pay $25 and $60 in gas to deal with it, though.