The most hilarious sentence I’ve read in minutes

I’ve been trolling the depths of wingnut publications searching for hilarious praises of Ahmed Chalabi from the early part of last decade. Here’s the best one so far, from Max Singer writing at the National Review:

Chalabi’s strength comes not from American neoconservatives, but from the widespread support he has among Iraqis not only Shia, but Sunni and Kurd and other minorities. Not only among exiles, but among Iraqis in Iraq who have maintained contacts with the exile community.

He has such a unique degree of Iraqi support, despite the strong and well-funded efforts of the State Department and the CIA to find and promote an alternative leadership, because Iraqis recognize his integrity, loyalty, and ability.

Do you have to possess knowledge of anything to be published by the National Review? The answer, to coin a phrase, is sadly, no.

 

Comments: 88

 
 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Even the Jordanians love the guy.

 
 

Keep digging, there’s got to be more. I was just getting ready to forward your last post so now I’ll include this little nugget. Good job!

 
 

he’s also fully submersible, flame retardant, child safe, organic, environmentally friendly, easy on your budget, and comes with a money back guarantee

dogs love it!!!

 
 

Thanks BBBB for that. I now fear my e-mail will have so many links that the friends will say, “Oh shit, she’s at it again.”.

 
 

he’s also fully submersible, flame retardant, child safe, organic, environmentally friendly, easy on your budget, and comes with a money back guarantee

Women want him. Fish fear him.

 
 

dear national review,

i recently bought a chalabi for my backyard barbeque. now i can hardly stop the porpoises!!! ten badgers rented a hovercraft in indianapolis!

i can’t thank you enough!!!!

 
 

dear national review,
i recently bought a chalabi for my backyard barbeque. now i can hardly stop the porpoises!!! ten badgers rented a hovercraft in indianapolis!
i can’t thank you enough!!!!

Holy shit, that was the funniest thing I’ve read in months!

You win!

 
 

The most hilarious sentence I’ve read in minutes

O.T. (Although I thought it might be on topic when I clickied the linkie), did anyone make fun of Little Tommy and his Mustache of Understanding today?
~

 
 

Not only among exiles, but among Iraqis in Iraq who have maintained contacts with the exile community.

All 46 of them.

 
 

There’s always Hitchens claiming that Chalabi was such a math siper-geenius that he cracked the codes for US intelligence all by himself.

 
 

“(Chalabi supports) a government of laws that protects the rights of all individuals, with leadership chosen by a free and open political process… These principles… are exactly American principles too…”

Wow! He’s just like us. C’mon everyone, let’s totally trust this guy! What can go wrong?

 
 

Wasn’t that Hitchens/Chalupa thang after The Big C. was accused of passing said U.S. codes to his Iranian Shiiite buddies?

 
 

Also via BBBB’s link:

Two weeks later, in August 1989, Chalabi flees the country—reportedly with $70 million. According to Hudson Institute’s Max Singer, Prince Hassan personally drives Chalabi to the Jordanian border, helping him escape. The investigation subsequently uncovers evidence of massive fraud.

Singer appears to have known something.

 
 

Also lookit Chris Muir come down on the side of the rapper vs. Romney:

http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/022110.jpg

 
 

“(Chalabi supports) a government of laws that protects the rights of all individuals, with leadership chosen by a free and open political process… These principles… are exactly American principles too…”

I am puzzled. Doesn’t the above statement go against everything todays conservative movement stands for? Is National Review accusing Chalabi of being an Islamomarxistfascistgayabortionist or a redistributor with a fondness for tire guages. What do the fake plumbers think about this? I know its not accurate but was it meant as an insult?

 
Smiling Mortician
 

Also lookit Chris Muir come down on the side of the rapper vs. Romney:

That’s a whole lotta StarTrek-reference stretching for a fully clothed spread-eagle Palin porn payoff, if you ask me.

 
 

I know that at the time Rashid Khalidi said he wouldn’t buy a used car from him.

 
 

That’s a whole lotta StarTrek-reference stretching for a fully clothed spread-eagle Palin porn payoff, if you ask me.

The humor, if any, in that strip escapes me. Sarah Palin is a Vulcan? Hahahah…hmmm? But then I’m probably just a humor-challenged leftard.

 
 

Looks like Chris Muir has gone full “XPAC”.
~

 
 

He has such a unique degree of Iraqi support, despite the strong and well-funded efforts of the State Department and the CIA to find and promote an alternative leadership, because Iraqis recognize his integrity, loyalty, and ability can strike him out with a Curveball.

Fixedidy!

 
 

Max Singer, April 14, 2003:
(Chalabi) has such a unique degree of Iraqi support… because Iraqis recognize his integrity, loyalty, and ability.

Baghdad resident Riverbend, from Baghdad Burning, August 18, 2003
I haven’t seen anyone who likes the rat…

 
 

Did Chalabi hire Baghdad Bob for his PR work?

 
 

http://lefarkins.blogspot.com/2010/02/stop-presses.html
Did you know that defense attorneys sometimes associate with suspected criminals?

http://lefarkins.blogspot.com/2010/02/stop-presses.html
“Apparently, defense lawyers may have represented people accused of crimes. This is truly shocking in its own right, but here’s something more shocking: they’re being permitted to work in the Obama administration! Oh the humanity!

“I suppose it’s difficult for anything else to be the dumbest winger faux-scandal of the week given the assertions that anti-communist books about communism being in the White House library prove that Michelle Obama is a Maoist, but York sure has given it an Olympic-caliber effort.”

But enough about conservative humor, lets get back to talking about Chris Muir.

“The humor, if any, in that strip escapes me. Sarah Palin is a Vulcan? Hahahah…hmmm? But then I’m probably just a humor-challenged leftard.”

No, no, no, Commie Athiest, Romney is the vulcan, Palin is Captain Kirk. I expect her to star on a Fox drama called “Wassilla Legal” in a few years. Muir is very prescient that way.

 
 

Don’t they need to see his birf cerficitate furst? Or will Orly straighten out everything at a later time?

 
 

I wonder what the folks at NR said about Nguyen Van Thieu back in the day?

 
 

#

Substance McGravitas said,

February 23, 2010 at 3:01

KIRK CAMERON IS PRAYING FOR BONER!!!

Apparently, Andrew Koenig was struggling in his career, and called up his father Walter asking for advice. Walter replied, “Don’t worry, just because you were a minor character in a tv series 25 years ago doesn’t mean that you’ll be typecast forever and that the jobs will dry up…oh wait.”

 
 

I wonder what the folks at NR said about Saddam Hussein back in the day?

 
 

Smut Clyde said,

February 23, 2010 at 3:38

I wonder what the folks at NR said about Saddam Hussein back in the day?

Ahem, and Ahem.
~

 
 

I wonder what the folks at NR said about Saddam Hussein back in the day?

I know what they said about Francisco Franco!
Francisco Franco was our century’s most successful ruler…. (He) is a part, and an integral part, of Western civilization… [the] convergence of the multifarious political philosophical, religious, and cultural tendencies that have shaped Spanish history…

Indeed, fascism in general is just fine:
The whole concept of “fascism” for that matter has been a fraud from the beginning. Like “peaceful coexistence” and “detente,” it is a tactical invention of the Soviet Agitprop, and boils down in practice to the simple definition: fascism is any regime that outlaws Communism…

 
 

“The humor, if any, in that strip escapes me. Sarah Palin is a Vulcan? Hahahah…hmmm? But then I’m probably just a humor-challenged leftard.”

No, no, no, Commie Athiest, Romney is the vulcan, Palin is Captain Kirk. I expect her to star on a Fox drama called “Wassilla Legal” in a few years. Muir is very prescient that way.

Not original Kirk, Kirk in the new movie, who only becomes captain when he tricks young acting captain Spock into losing his temper. Add in the art skills of a drunken wallaby with hooks for paws and it’s the trifecta of LAME.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

KIRK CAMERON IS PRAYING FOR BONER!!!

What, Ray Comfort’s banana wasn’t good enough for him?

 
The Tragically Flip
 

When you can’t find the humour in a Muir strip, just remember that conservatives are congenitally unfunny and you immediately stop worrying about it.

 
 

The Tragically Flip said genitals!

/beavis
~

 
 

Thanks for the laughs, the Chalabi kerfuffle was always the funniest part of the whole monkey-love-football business. And, considering that candy-ass neoclowns assuring us that war would be quick, easy, inexpensive, and painless (dulce bellum inexpertis, anyone?) was the main gag, anything beyond that was, to quote one of the random lines atop this page, comedy gold.

Of course, humor disappears when we consider the actual human cost of what CPAC-fed scum did to Irag and America, but with W in the Gore House, we took our laughs where we could get them.

 
 

From MSNBC, reporting results of the first election in Iraq (2005):
Out of almost 2.5 million voters in Baghdad, only 8,645 voted for Chalabi.

Then they rubbed it in: In the violent Sunni province of Anbar, 113 people voted for him.

But don’t you worry, we know what went wrong:
U.S. government workforce planning
for Iraq’s reconstruction suffered from
a poorly structured, ad hoc personnel
management process.

And we got it figured out for next time (there’ll be a next time, right? Right? RIGHT?)

One lesson learned from Iraq in this area is that using an expatriate
corps requires clear lines of authority and careful matching of
skills and jobs.

No shit, Sherlock.

 
 

Singer’s expertise is that he apparently supports any strategy that involves the killing and destruction of massive amounts of brown-skinned people:
From his bio.

Max Singer, “an endorser of the CFW [Committee for the Free World], is president of the conservative business strategy consulting firm the Potomac Organization. He went to Honduras in 1983 where he offered advice on how to improve the image of the contras.

 
 

LEAVE CURVEBALL ALONE!

 
Chicago City Comptroller
 

I still can’t get over how those PNAC shits were actually taken in by this guy. How could they seriously believe “Prime Minister Chalabi” actually had any chance at all of happening? They’re so paranoid about every other Arab, but everything Chalabi says is somehow above question?

 
 

I still can’t get over how those PNAC shits were actually taken in by this guy.

He’s talented. Tom Toles’ version of Chalabi in Iran.

 
 

Yep, Toles is right on: “That’s just what I wanted to hear.”

Chalabi is a master manipulator and once he convinced the PNACers and AEI heads (overlapping groups) and the OVP (another overlapping group) that he was their boy and he could show ’em where Saddam had his WMD stash, they fought each other to be first to polish his knob.

Some of ’em still believe if they just clap louder he’ll make it all better.

Buncha tools, and Chalabi used ’em to build himself an awesome shitmoat.

 
 

Chalabi (upper left) applauds Laura’s choice in men:

http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/files/images/090414_bushb.jpg

 
 

Ladies and germs, the future First Family of the You Ess of A:

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2008/08/huckabee.jpg

 
 

Come on, give Chalabi a break. Chalabi had a special talent. He conned the C.I.A. out of a third of a million dollars a year. That should be worth some type of recognition. It’s amazing that some people believe that a conman is not also conning them, because, incredibly. Chalabi thought the same way about important issues and he felt that they were the most handsome, perceptive, strong and sensible people he had the good fortune to meet. “The Iraqi people? Why, they love me, of course, I’m a hero to them,” he said. Hero and stooge must be defined similarly by the intelligence community.

 
 

commie atheist,
pornography is not permitted.
why did that photo send a cold chill down my spine?
it must have been your intent.
therefore, it’s porn.

 
 

Pictures of the Saudi royal prince and/or the Saudi king with George W. Bush left me with the impression that they believed Bush was a chump.

 
 

The Saudi royal family knows full well Dubya is a chump.

 
 

Here’s a funny one from Michael Ledeen, although I seem to recall Laurie Mylroie/AEI being more the primary Chalabi hagiographer.

Ledeen puckers up:

Our enemies — religious fanatics and other advocates of tyranny — have long dreaded the emergence of an Iraqi leader with unquestioned democratic convictions, someone at once deeply religious and yet committed to the separation of mosque and state. Yet the State Department’s and the CIA’s Middle East gangs have hated [Chalabi] and fought him for more than a decade, because he is independent and while he is happy to work with them, he will not work for them. Moreover, he has often proved more knowledgeable

And then goes full-metal hilarity by ridiculing Chalabi-haters’ (Rummy, Powell, Bremer) credibility …for being gullible enough to buy Chalabi’s own Saddam WMD lies.

Now the usual unnamed intelligence sources are whispering to their favorite journalists that they have a “rock-solid case” showing that Chalabi was in cahoots with the Iranians. This, coming the same crowd that told President Bush they had a “slam-dunk case” on Iraqi WMDs, should arouse skepticism from any experienced journalist, but it doesn’t (another grim sign that confusion reigns supreme in Washington these days).

 
 

…the same crowd that told President Bush they had a “slam-dunk case” on Iraqi WMDs,…

Oh bullshit! Bush wasn’t deceived or mis-informed! His complete mockery of the inspections (nope, not under there.) proved he could give a flying fuck about the WMDs, Ledeen.

 
 

I still can’t get over how those PNAC shits were actually taken in by this guy. How could they seriously believe “Prime Minister Chalabi” actually had any chance at all of happening? They’re so paranoid about every other Arab, but everything Chalabi says is somehow above question?

In the mid-90s, Chomsky used to talk about Chalabi as a guy that might become the center of an anti-Hussein opposition in Iraq. If Chomsky is agreeing with PNAC about something, there must have been a reason. Most likely, he was just the most visible exiled Iraqi, so everybody assumed he must be the right guy for the job.

Talking that way about him now, of course, requires a monumental effort of willpower.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Here I am with this shitpile of data and no way to put it into a well written research essay. Advice?

 
Small Buseness Owner In USA
 

You liberals do not get it, we have NO MONEY and we are SOCIALISM the future to our SOCIALISM children, Obama is black. Also, jobs are created through TAX CUTS ONLY not the SOCIALISM and money for unions, and the SOCIALSIM health care. The TEA BAGGERS are the only ones saying the TRUTH — its SOCIALISM.

 
Small Buseness Owner In USA
 

Oh, and the only thing that will get me to create jobs is MORE TAX CUTS, not forcingme to pay for health care and black people who are lazy to get food stamps — it’s SOCIALISM!

 
Small Buseness Owner In USA
 

I will also require no more REGULATIONS, I need economic FREEDOM not SOCIALISM, and keep the UNIONS away!

 
 

will also require no more REGULATIONS, I need economic FREEDOM not SOCIALISM, and keep the UNIONS away!

We tried that.

You combined into the very multinational corporations that threaten this nation’s very existence, companies so big they could conceivably own the country.

Now shut the fuck up and pay your taxes, just like Alexander Hamilton asked you to.

 
 

By the way, maybe if you spent some money on spelling lessons, you’d find ways to lower your taxes.

Buseness?

How many children have you abused today?

 
 

KIRK CAMERON IS PRAYING FOR BONER!!!

I understand he’s helping police with the investigation (insert goatse reference here)

 
 

Using the words “insert” and “goatse” in the same sentence is as bad as giving the link

 
 

hes opposed to ‘SOCIALISM’, not ‘socialism’…… the capital letters are much more scary…..

 
 

Using the words “insert” and “goatse” in the same sentence is as bad as giving the link

If they can find the car keys, the cops can drive out.

 
 

Ted Haggard gives Tiger Woods marriage advice???

 
 

I would like to register a complaint about our latest troll. It is defective.

 
 

I’m tired of small businesses being the greatest destroyer of jobs in America, and also paying much less on average than jobs in bigger companies, and also having few to no benefits. Such parasites.

 
 

SOCIALSIM health care

The Republican solution to the healthcare coverage: Sim City.

 
 

Oh bullshit! Bush wasn’t deceived or mis-informed! His complete mockery of the inspections (nope, not under there.) proved he could give a flying fuck about the WMDs, Ledeen.

The Iraq invasion was a done deal as of fall 2002 and quite likely as early as spring 2002.

We don’t move 150,000 troops and all the associated logistics for an operation of that size halfway around the world as a “show of force”. It’s much too costly.

A show of force is a couple carrier groups and maybe a detachment of bombers.

When we start moving the heavy stuff, you know there’s going to be a war.

 
 

We need a clean up, aisles 55 – 57!

Oh, and what the wingnuts say today has no bearing on what they said yesterday, for yesterday only exists in whatever way they say it does.

Once you look at everything they type/say/do through that lens, it all starts to … well, it still doesn’t make any fucking sense. They’re batshit insane in that way.

And tbogg hasn’t done one of his classic takedowns of a Muir strip in a while. I see Muir still hasn’t figured out how to draw women correctly — that poor gal’s tits are lopsided by about two cup sizes, and have the ability to cast odd shadows.

I don’t even know what to type about the spread eagle Palin other than: “Uh … wow.” It makes me want to jab a pencil into my eyes just so I never have to see it again.

 
 

that poor gal’s tits are lopsided by about two cup sizes, and have the ability to cast odd shadows.

Those are tits you can believe in!

 
 

KIRK CAMERON IS PRAYING FOR BONER!!!

They make pills for that now, I’m given to understand.

And WTF is “Romney vs. rapper”? Did I miss something, like a steel cage death match between Teh Mittster and Ice-T?

 
 

And WTF is “Romney vs. rapper”? Did I miss something, like a steel cage death match between Teh Mittster and Ice-T?

Mittens was “attacked” by a “thug gangsta rapper” in first class on his flight back from Vancouver’s opening ceremonies, because according to Mittens, the criminal wouldn’t return his seat to the upright position!!!!!

OMG! Stop the takeoff!

Which they did.

 
 

If the name sounds familiar, it’s because that’s Berry Gordy’s grandson.

 
 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/as_afghanistan

Tap-dancing Christ! A general apologizing for his troops’ mistakes! Shocking! Outrageous! Unamerican! Treason! Murder! Communism! Fuck! Ass!

(Yes, I know what they’ll say. Petraeus is a hero. His men are heroes and should never have been apologized for. He’s just a tragic figure following orders he doesn’t want to follow by the politically correct socialists who took over Washington).

 
 

(I meant McChrystal – my apologies).

 
 

KEEP YOUR GOVERNMENT HANDS OFF MY TOYOTA!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Ted Haggard gives Tiger Woods marriage advice???

He’d like meet Tiger for some one-on-one counseling.

A man to on man talk, if you will.

 
 

The Republican solution to the healthcare coverage: Sim City.

To tighten up the analogy I suggest ‘Sim City’ be replaced with ‘Second Life’.

 
 

Wingnuttery described to a T(BAG! HA! counldn’t help myself).

 
 

KEEP YOUR GOVERNMENT HANDS OFF MY TOYOTA EVERYTHING

fixorzt

 
 

To tighten up the analogy I suggest ‘Sim City’ be replaced with ‘Second Life’.

Well, he did write “SOCIALSIM!!!!!1111!!” He might not get Second Life.

 
 

KEEP THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF MY GOATSE.

 
 

Small Buseness Owner In USA

Let me guess, your experienced custom writing service is able create well researched research papers of superior quality?

 
 

I first read it as “SOCALISM” which is like so gnarly rad, dude. That, too, would be a threat.

 
 

I know what they said about Francisco Franco!

That he’s still dead?

I think Chalabi is ok, but I prefer a Chardonnay.

 
 

Ahhh, my head!

“He has such a unique degree of Iraqi support”

… that when his party dropped out of the UIA and ran on its own in 2005, he got a grand total of 0.5% of the vote and didn’t win a single seat in parliament. “Unique” is one word for it – Ralph Nader had more votes than this clown.

“despite the strong and well-funded efforts of the State Department and the CIA to find and promote an alternative leadership”

… efforts so strong and well-funded that the State Department spent $33 million on Chalabi between March 2000 and September 2003, according to the GAO. (Singer’s article is from April 2003).

“because Iraqis recognize his integrity, loyalty, and ability.”

As demonstrated by the staggering 0.5% majority he commanded in the Iraqi popular vote.

 
 

I think Chalabi is ok, but I prefer a Chardonnay.

Pinochet for me!

 
 

I remember on fark.com (yes I used to go there, I was a kid then) when people would bring up Chalabi’s legal troubles in Jordan, his supporters would go “But Jordan is one of those Muslim tinpot dictatorships! He probably just looked at a camel wrong!”

 
 

Pinochet for me!

Maybe a slighty aged fuzzy-pussy.

Ain’t that a peach.

 
 

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