Bradrocket Has a New Hero

It takes a lot for me to call someone a hero.  When I was 9, my hero was Pee Wee Herman, and let’s just say that didn’t turn out so good.  My subsequent hero selections, including O.J. Simpson, Barry Bonds and Bill O’Reilly, all turned out to be somewhat disappointing as well.  So you can understand why I’m so reluctant to label anyone “heroic” in this deeply cynical age: at best, I’ll be painfully disillusioned, and at worst, I’ll be bombarded with lurid tales of Middle Eastern foods.

That said, I think it’s time to crank up the ol’ Bette Midler record, because this guy will go down as the greatest hero in the history of the universe:


A south Toledo man is using a replica of the Statue of Liberty to let the world know his thoughts on illegal immigration.  Art Bollinger says he got this idea from an e-mail he received, and decided to duplicate the picture.

From the front, you can see the Statue of Liberty.  From behind, it shows Lady Liberty’s behind, in a thong bikini.  The nearby sign says “Kiss my American Ass.”


Bollinger tells News 11 he will accept anyone into this country as long as they come here legally, but he has no patience for those who sneak in.  “You don’t have rights. You are here illegally,” said Bollinger of the people who cross the border without permission.  “If I break the law, I go to prison. You break the law and the American government says they’ll kiss your behind.  No.  That’s ridiculous.”

I love how this guy is from Toledo.  I dunno if any of you have driven through Toledo before, but it’s easily the worst place in the entire North American continent, if not the world.  It’s also the reason I’m completely unfazed by Evangelical ministers who use the fear of fire and brimstone to convert me to Christianity- all I have to tell them is, “I been to Toledo, BEEE-YOTCH!!” and they’ll back away slowly, muttering some nonsense about “seven seals”  and “four horsemen.”


Above: Luvly downtown Toledo.  Note the sign that reads, “Ass City Marathon.”  Nothing could be more appropriate.

Bollinger says his wife is from Russia and he had to jump through all kinds of hoops and pay for the process of her becoming a US citizen.  He feels everyone else should do the same.

You guys are thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’, right?





Comments: 48


I do not agree with his ideas, but he has a pretty awesome way of expressing them.


Now that’s Klassy.


Toledo is a one tank trip for me and I would love to get my picture taken with that monstrosity. I’m seriously considering a pilgramage.


Just remember, today they come for your gardener, tomorrow they come for your pool cleaner, and the day after that, they come for you.


I have been through Toledo only on train rides from Boston to Chicago and points west, and I have to say, the desolate, cracked concrete of the platforms I saw, combined with the grey-brown haze on the horizon, made the placed seem like a post-apocalypse location from The Road Warrior. I never felt the urge to get off the train and explore even the train station.


Lady Liberty has the worst ass-cellulite I’ve ever seen, it’s like cottage cheese bisected by a string. That is one statue who should NOT be wearing a thong in public.


Give us your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free
oh and btw.. Kiss My American Ass.


What a coincidence. I just read “A Foreign Affair : On the Great Ukrainian Bride Hunt” in this month’s Harper’s and I’ve been creeped out all morning. All one huge, seamless pathology, isn’t it? Alienating urban environment, poor socialisation and difficulty with initimacy = head’s a-poppin’.

Anyway, what happened to that plan to send Lady Liberty back to France?


That’s very un-Lady Libertylike.

That girl so scandalous … That thong th thong thong thong.


I think there are more transsexuals in Toledo than illegal immigrants. In fact, excluding Cincinnati and Cleveland, Ohio is so white it looks blue up-close; like a cat’s skin.

Why do the biggest anti-immigrant loons live in the lily whitest of places?


You mean it’s worse than YOUNGSTOWN?


I like how he’s not afraid to tell the world his ass is wrinkly and he wears a thong. I can’t wait til I’m that old and so insensitive to reproach I can expose all my own dark dirty little secrets to the public eye.


Let’s make a deal with the Republicans: no Constitutional amendment against flag-burning until that guy tows his statute across the country with his nutsack.


Make that “statue”. I hate being a lawyer.


If the right really wanted to get rid of illegal immigrants, they’d adopt the following plan:

Anyone here illegally will be granted full amnesty, as long as they move to Toledo.

They’d be running back across the border in no time.


You mean it’s worse than YOUNGSTOWN?

Youngstown. Yeah, that’s a tough one. Especially since it was the per capita murder capital for… four years? Six? I’m not sure.

But Toledo is Toledo, man. I can’t really explain it much more than that.

Tak, the Hideous New Girl

What is the procedure for revoking my citizenship? This has pushed me over the edge.

I’d like to relocate to Vienna, but I’m not picky.


American Ass? Didn’t Bill Murray teach us the truth about Lady Liberty in GHOSTBUSTERS II? “She’s French, you know.”


Love the fact that his wife is from Russia. I’m sure he met her while he was doing post-graduate thesis study at the NASA station out near Toledo. She was probably that hot exchange student/scientist that looked nerdy in her thick glasses, white lab coat with her hair in a bun. But when she pulled the pencil out of her hair, the tresses came flowing down over her shoulders and the glasses were replaced with contacts…va va voom.

Or, he ordered her from a catalog, like the rest of the male shut-ins, too afraid to experience the world due to an overwhelming fear terra.

So happy to live in this crap-hole of a state.


Actually, I’m pretty sure the sign says “Glass City Marathon”. Whatever. Toledo has some pretty decent areas to it. My sister lives in that are, so I go there more often than I’d prefer, but when you drive through Gary and Hammond to get there, it seems downright cosmopolitan.


The Statue of Liberty is a French mail-order bride of America.


oh lord. why are the people screaming for racial and national purity always the most shining examples of humanity (heh) possible? greg proops: “those guys always saying ‘the white race is the most superior.’ whoa, dude, you’ve got gills. you should date around, is what you should do. take a refreshing dip in the gene pool.”


Wait a second. Toledo? Isn’t Toledo in (gasp!) Spain?

Before it emigrated, of course.


In Bizarro World, Statue of Liberty scare immigrants! Big wall built on border say “Welcome to America”!


I always wondered why they picked Toledo for Corporal Klinger’s home town on M*A*S*H.


Well, to be fair, the Statue of Liberty is what immigrants on incoming ships would see before being processed at Ellis Island. He’s just a stickler for paperwork, is all.

Just to stir things up a little:

As a Californian who works with a lot of Mexican dudes, there are some cultural traits of Mexican men that disturb me. Of course, these are generalizations, and the guys do tend to mellow out over time. But, that’s here in the Bay Area.

Equality for women is completely foreign to them. They also have the Madonna/Whore complex, big time.
Don’t like black people very much. (or Asians, for that matter)
generally anti-choice
Highly religious

As a liberal, is it really in my best interests to have millions of people with these values coming into the country?
Just sayin’.


Actually, Toledo was about a quarter black at the time of the 2000 census. So not lilly white.


Yeah that fucking Diego Rivera was a goddamn Falangalist.

Look, it’s simple PoliSci 101. Remember, the Irish when they came over weren’t exactly vanguard of enlightenment either. Register ’em, give ’em jobs and make them Democrats first, that is, if you want to have a Democratic majority (and to counter your ancedotal generalization, the Mexicans I know are tolerant, hardworking, socialists.).


I don’t agree with the political statement (of sorts) the guy’s trying to make, but it involves a woman wearing a thong, so it gets my preliminary stamp of approval.


You mean it’s worse than YOUNGSTOWN?

Nothing, I repeat nothing is worse than Youngstown. Of course, recently, Canton seems to be getting just as bad. So, so sad.

I’m so proud that we have our very own Statue of the Big Assed Liberty, though. I’m joining OSL8 on a pilgrimage so that I may bow to the greatness that is her thong. That may be better than a ride through Amish country.


I never said they weren’t hardworking and/or socialist.


this is awesome. Enjoy: “Cordless jump-rope can help the clumsy ” .. “All that’s left is two handles, so you jump over the pretend rope.”

there is a metaphor in here for wingnuts and Prez Bush, but I am too lazy to make it. I am only going to pretend to make it.


If the right really wanted to get rid of illegal immigrants, they’d adopt the following plan:

Anyone here illegally will be granted full amnesty, as long as they move to Toledo.

They’d be running back across the border in no time.

Toledo does have a nice zoo.

I always wondered why they picked Toledo for Corporal Klinger’s home town on M*A*S*H.

Because Jamie Farr is from there. He hosts a golf tournament there every year. It was cool when he wore “Mudhen” paraphernalia on M*A*S*H

I was told a strange tale about another rather dismal place, Waterloo, Iowa. A local meatpacker couldn’t find enough people willing to do that kind of work for that kind of money, and sought recent American emigres. The leader of the Bosnian community in Chicago was brought in, in hopes he could convince his countrymen to relocate to the west; afterward, he smiled, and told his hosts he may very well be able to do so. Waterloo, he advised them, reminded him a great deal of Bosnia.


Shorter Bolliinger:
Less Mexicans, more mail order brides!


Usually I feel guilty about living in a gated neighborhood that enforces all kinds of fascist rules.

Not after seeing Lady Liberty’s Ass in a Thong.


There are a lot of migrant workers in the Toledo area, believe it or not. Plus, an immigration rally held in Toledo back in April had the freepers all stirred up.. Want to bet on whether Mr. Thongboy was one of the foaming masses?


What a coincidence. I just read “A Foreign Affair : On the Great Ukrainian Bride Hunt� in this month’s Harper’s and I’ve been creeped out all morning.

It’s a great piece: I loved how the author managed to tap into the psyche of the men on those trips: whore in the bedroom, slave in the kitchen. I do hope that Natasha or Ludmilla doesn’t end up shot dead and under the floorboards.

One thing to say about Toledo: it was the local paper which uncovered the whole GOP coin-dealing scandal. As opposed to, say, the Washington freakin’ Post.


You’ve obviously never been to El Paso.


“Road Warrior”? It’s “Mad Max 2”, you cultural appropriator. “Mad Max 2”, got it?


Hysterical Woman said,May 30, 2006 at 6:39 pm

The Statue of Liberty is a French mail-order bride of America.

Hahahahahaha! The Statue of Liberty is one of the original French mail-order brides of America, for sure. But she was given to us freely, right? And it’s awful funny how, with all of these problems with France, a naturalized French chick like that never gets her patriotism questioned…

Plus – having been to Youngstown and Toledo* (in fact, having had friends who even lived in each city**. On purpose. I kid you not.), I would have to say that, although they are close, Rochester and/or North Tonowanda, NY should be placed slightly lower (higher?) in the hierarchy. Especially in winter. I cannot vouch for (against?) Waterloo, Iowa.

* – the local joke goes: Michigan and Ohio fought over Toledo. Ohio lost..

** – different sets of people inhabited each town seperately. I know of no human who could withstand prolonged exposure to both of those environments in a single lifetime.


I`m a Toledoan and…yeah. We used to make Jeeps, and glass. After Jamie Farr, our second most famous celebrity is Katie Holms. We are vary proud of our automobile, glass, and beard exports.


If he is mad now about the $ & hoops he had to go through to get us citizenship for his russian wife, just think of how steamed he is going to be when he has to do it again. In the local paper from my low populaton area, of the list of 20 or so recent divorces, two dissolved were between american men & their russian brides.


Toledo does have a pretty decent art museum as well as the Mud Hens. I can think of quite a few worse places.

But this guy is just off the scale.


Ha ass city marithon, that’s just funny. Na toledo sounds scarey, as about as scarey as my father trying to convert me to christananity, and the GOP every single time i go home…sheeesh.


I’m from Rochester and I can vouch that during the winter, it’s pretty bad. However, Elmira and Rome, two other cities in New York, are the armpit and asshole of the country by any estimation.


TOLEDO?!? Oooooh–! I’m dyyyyyyyyying!!1!


Toledo as hellhole? Sadly, no! Sure it has its share of rabid pasty-skinned cobagz who use their deerskinnin’ knife to carve tremendously bad statues, but it does have its good points (like not being in Michigan).

Toledo is much more liberal than most of Ohio. When you look at the 2004 election map, that little island of blue in the red sea is Lucas county, home of Toledo.

Now if you really want to scare those Evan ministers, tell them you grew up in Fulton county, Toledo’s neighbor. Gets ’em every time.


i agree 100%


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