Today is Officially the Greatest Day of My Life

Now I can die in peace.  Matt Furey, known for running several of the various scams advertized on NewsMax, has responded to a post I wrote making fun of him last year!


Matt Furey said,

May 27, 2006 at 7:29 pm ·

Hey Folks!

This is the Matt Furey, and i’m so pissed at you guys for having a conversation about my products without inviting me!

You guys can say what you want; but you’re ugly, unsuccessful, short and fat losers who never get any sexual action!

Hey!  I am not short!

However if you want to change that, buy my books and you will grow 6 inches taller…

Uh, how does that work?  Do I stand on them or something?

…drop your body fat to 8%, gain 30lb’s of muscle, regain your lost hair in its natural color, look 10 – 15 years younger…

Which would make me look 11 years old.  Thanks, but no thanks.

…become the worlds strongest and fastest athlete, aswell as win the Olympia, and become smarter than Bill Gates, and increase your penis size by 4 inches/double your breast size and become a e-millionare overnight !!!

Well, I believe him about the breast size:


Plus much, much more.

THIS could be YOU:


I’m off now, I gotta bang my ugly Chinese wife and take my 4 year old kid to the park.

Hopefully in that order.

We luv u, Matt!  Please stop by any time!


Comments: 14


Ugly chinese wife? What in the fuck?

Am I missing something here? Was that really the con man himself?


Well, he DOES say “e-millionaire”. Maybe he’s only talking about World of Warcraft gold.

And possibly he means “increase your e-penis size”.

My Toilet Romance

Hey buddy, I have a no-holds-barred ancient Mayan fisting technique to sell if you want.

The Russian Spetnaz AND Delta Force use it for super secret intensive prostate massage.

Oh, and did I mention that NEIL ARMSTRONG used it ON THE FUCKING MOON?!!



There was a huge, multi-national cyber-fraud bust last week. Is this…? I mean does this have anything to do….? I mean, given the fact that eschewing idle speculation is objectively pro-terrorist, does this…?

*ring*…Ewps. Phone.


I don’t understand the ugly wife thing. Is he just randomly venting or is that a sales pitch (Get an ugly Chinese wife today!)?


regain your lost hair in its natural color

I guess that’s why he has such a luxurious mane of…skin.

Famous Soviet Athlete

I love Furey’s superhero cartoon, but I had no idea that Lenin was a conservative renegade.


Oh, man. I just decreased my breast size by about two thirds, now he wants me to increase it? *And* give me a 4-inch penis?
Oh, well. I bet I’ve still slept with more chicks than he has. And, no, Matt, you can’t watch.


Wow! Apparently, I’m not allowed to comment here anymore.



Why are my comments being flagged and shunted off to moderation?


Especially considering mine aren’t?


Lex Luther, NO!


The Revolution demands that you buy Matt Furey’s Asian kung fu/sex secrets!


fat focker that furey, does 1000 squats my ass, plus why does the ugly focker have such and ugly chinese wife, the ugly baldy nly gotta pay about 5 dollars and do some ugly old chinese hooker that looks better


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