Ezra Klein Dissects Jonah Goldberg. Why Bother?
I like Ezra Klein, but he spends way too much time thoughtfully dissecting Jonah Goldberg in this post. It should be clear by now that Jonah is an intellectual masochist who takes perverse pleasure in getting sand kicked in his face by infinitely more intelligent left-wing jocks. Any effort to seriously critique Jonah’s work is a futile exercise, as he’ll just shrug off your concerns, crack open another can of Red Bull, and churn out yet another 750-worder attacking the left for being objectively pro-murder. If you spend more than two sentences debunking one of Jonah’s columns, you are literally wasting precious minutes that could be used for more productive activities, such as TIVO-ing The Price is Right and hitting “pause” every time the camera zooms in on one of the Barker girls’ cleavage. To save young wonks like Ezra from wasting their lives responding to Jonah Goldberg, I have made a list of the three best responses to any Jonah Goldberg piece. You can mix’n’match ’em as you see fit:
1.) “Jonah Goldberg is the stupidest man alive.” (We’ll call this “The DeLong Method.”)
2.) “Jonah Goldberg is a wanker.” (a.k.a., the Atrios Method.)
3.) “Jonah Goldberg spends his weekends watching Xena re-runs while receiving injections of Mountain Dew and Twinkee filling into his buttocks.” (a.k.a., The Remarkably Insensitive and Mean-Spirited Bradrocket Method.)
There you go again with your narrowly factual objections.
I still prefer the Seb method:
Other noteworthy observations: Last person to have had contact with Lucianne Goldberg’s vagina.
You forgot the Norbizness method:
4.) “Jonah Goldberg is a doughy pantsload.�
Goldberg is the King of the Backpedal. Notice how every time he gets called on his junk thinking, he reponds by subtly changing his argument to conform to the criticism, and then blaming the critic for misunderstanding his original post. It’s slapstick philosophy.
He is also King of the “Too-Soon Quip,” the smirk while tragedy is fresh. Then he always slinks back into the Corner to helf-apologize.
And he’s the best they’ve got over there.
Yeah, I gave up the Seb Method out of a misguided sense of propriety and civility.
I won’t make that mistake again.
So, this would be the same Ezra Klein that, in his Pandagon days, wrote a post saying that he basically supported the Iraq clusterfuck because all the smelly hippies at his school were against it, right? That same Ezra Klein?
A pox on both of ’em.
One of my best friends ever has the misfortune of also being named Jonah Goldberg. My Jonah is a total genius, IQ-off the charts type guy, very successful, and a totally sweet, laid-back liberal. He hates his infamous namesake more than you can imagine.
Thing is, Jonah Goldberg was a perfectly fine name until, I dunno, the late 90’s or something. It’s just like in Office Space. “Michael Bolton used to be a cool name. Why should I have to change my name because of that no-talent assclown?”
Once again, whilst innocently googling a phrase, in this case:
receiving injections of Mountain Dew and Twinkee filling into his buttocks
I get directed to this site. With NO HAPPY ENDING, I might add. What’s up with you people? Seriously.
P.S. The Seb method made me waste precious Guinness. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers, Vladi G.
The thought of Jonah Goldberg’s buttocks could seriously de-gay me. 🙁
Of course, the thought of Lucianne’s vagina re-gayed me anyway. 🙂
Xena reruns? They’re rerunning Xena? What channel?
Dr. DeLong,
With all those stations on satellite TV, they have to on SOMEwhere! 😉
The answer to your question is, “I’m not sure.”
You forgot the Cheetos®–they’re always an important element in these sorts of situations.
xena is usually found on USA.
not that i have any reason to know where it is found.
[…] Update: Just caught this on Sadly No!: To save young wonks like Ezra from wasting their lives responding to Jonah Goldberg, I have made a list of the three best responses to any Jonah Goldberg piece. You can mix’n’match ‘em as you see fit: […]