Yeah, staying in the boat for this one…

“To be precise, I signed into law a so-called stimulus bill that has thus far retarded economic growth by greatly increasing the size of the federal bureaucracy, the expense of supporting it, and the national debt.”

Because somehow if the deficit had been smaller, broke businesses would have been more able to hire workers since federal bureaucrats wouldn’t be standing around in the driveway blocking the work vehicles. It’s awesome magic — when the government spends less money and hires fewer people, it makes money magically appear in broke wallets around the country so people can go out and buy homes in cash. This is real Patriot government.

Yer black helicopters ain’t agettin me, Obammy!

Another suggestion for Obama’s speech from Sunshine Connie in the comments for the above post:

You are right America and myself and my man-child team of juveniles need to grow up. China is cutting off our credit and we are cutting government wages and benefits for the duration of my time in office. I will sign no bills that do not reduce government spending or protect us here and abroad. Michelle and I will not have any more parties and Air-force 1 and other planes and copters will not be flown for government officials. All federal meetings will be via telephone and teleconference. No flights, hotels or meals for any federal government employee will be authorized until the debt is retired. We must tackle all entitlement programs and reduce government headcount. All federal wage and benefit packages will be evaluated and reduced in 6 month increments until they mirror the public sector. We will immediately eliminate food stamp programs and replace them with commodity boxes which will include beans and rice as well as powdered eggs and milk and grits with cooking directions.

I will sign no bills that do not reduce government spending or protect us here and abroad.

Shorter Connie: “We still need to be able to invade places and have a proper police state once we get a good clean Republican back in the White House”

Mountainbilly concurs with Sunshine Connie:

I completely agree with you Connie. This country is prosperous enough to help those that cannot help themselves. But as B. Franklin believed the way to fix poverty is to take away it’s comfort.

Ah, poverty and its comforts … please don’t take them away, Sunshine Connie and Mountainbilly!

We will immediately eliminate food stamp programs and replace them with commodity boxes which will include beans and rice as well as powdered eggs and milk and grits with cooking directions.

Connie also does not understand the concepts “nutrition”, “scurvy”, and “emergency room”.

Shorter Mountainbilly: “Fuck the poor!”

IOKIYAR!

Trillion dollar deficits! Secret prisons! Wall Street bailouts with no strings attached. Attacks on civil liberties! Illegal wars! Selling our souls to China.

IOKIYAR!

Surveillance. Secrecy. Lying reflexively. Shooting guys in the face!,

IOKIYAR!

You can’t criticize a sitting president in time of war.

Supreme Court Justices can’t boycott State of the Union speeches.

Secret assassination teams.

IOKIYAR!

Besides, he’s a leftist [N-word] right?

Let’s just try to shut down the government (again) and completely go on a wildcat strike (even though we hate unions) in the middle of a huge national crisis on virtually every level.

Treason?

Well, yes, if a DEMOCRAT did it, yes.

But … IOKIYAR!

Dammit.

That Obama not fixing everything in one year and cleaning up 30 years of Republicans living off the equity of our infrastructure?

He just makes me SOOOOO mad. Now where’d I put that Oxycontin?

Syntax Gump:

What should he say?

I am in way over my head and apologize to the country, I hearby resign.

Stock market would be up 1000 points overnight

Because the market loves a massive dose of chaotic uncertainty! Hearby!

“Whaddya call a monster with 100 legs, 100 arms, an IQ of 45 and an orange boner?” The US Senate is baffled by Obama’s riddle from the podium.

We currently garrison the globe with over 2.5 million military personnel in over 700 bases around the world, at a cost of some 663 billion dollars annually, but this expense is more than reasonable, and to even whisper a suggestion that maybe we might possibly consider thinking about questioning what value we get for that is the highest treasonever! No, no, the only place we should talk about saving money is by cutting back on food stamps for the poor and salaries of federal employees. We have to have our priorities straight, after all.

What should he say?

I am in way over my head and apologize to the country, I hearby resign.

What Bush should have said on 9/12/01.

(and yes, I’m joking, it would have put Cheney *gack* in the Preznitcy and then we would have REALLY been fucked)

Steerpike – but Sunshine Connie does want to keep the libraries open, perhaps because they are useful as centralized repositories for the books we should be burning.

Cheney, a man who identifies with the ‘they’ every time he hears Pastor Niemöller’s famous poem.

First they came for the singing trees, and I did not speak out because I was not a singing tree;
Then they came for the anatotitans, and I did not speak out because I was not an anatotitan;
Then they came for the razorwings, and I did not speak out because I was not a razorwing;
Then they came for the fungal creatures, and I did not speak out because I was not a fungal creature;
Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak out for me.

So he must destroy his presidency to save it. Also.

I’m sure Connie’s logic runs something like “all librarians are liberals so any book they WANT to carry must be a bad book”.

(why are all librarians liberals? SU, TW!)

First I came for the heart defibrillator and you did not speak out because you are not a heart defibrillator;

Then I came for the angioplasty and you did not speak out because you are not an angioplasty;

Then I came for my 16th heart attack in as many days and go fuck yourself!

Rahe’s from Breitbart’s Big Government, so he’d have known what Obama was gonna say if only those damn wiretaps had worked.

I’m sure Connie’s logic runs something like “all librarians are liberals so any book they WANT to carry must be a bad book”.

Have you ever read the ALA’s Library Bill of Rights? It’s like the fucking Communist Manifesto, man!

At the national level, we have been living beyond our means, and we cannot continue to do so. . . . I ask that for a three-year period Congress relieve employers of the payroll contribution made to the Social Security administration…

Fiscal responsibility. Weeeeee!

Have you ever read the ALA’s Library Bill of Rights? It’s like the fucking Communist Manifesto, man!

The Dewey Decimal System has always smelled a little pinko to me.

All federal wage and benefit packages will be evaluated and reduced in 6 month increments until they mirror the public sector

Someone needs to tell Connie that I, as a federal employee, am paid less than the contractor with equivalent experience that is sitting next to me.

I just wanna say how appropriate it is that BigGovernment.com is a conservative website. It’s almost like they actually know where their policies lead.

.

And because my agency outsourced most of its works to contractors, we end up spending much more to get less.

What would have been cool is if he had said:

‘We all have to tighten our belts in these tough times, including your government. But we have to start somewhere. That’s why, effective immediately, we are ending all government services to Samuel Joseph ‘Joe the Plumber’ Wurzelbacher. No more road maintenance for Joe, no postal deliveries, no access to education or emergency rooms, none of it. Joe will not be able to buy any product that entered the country through our publicly maintained harbors and airports or was transported over our roads. His shit and piss will have to be disposed of by some other means than our sewers. The upside for Joe is that he will be able to wipe his ass with the tax return statements we will no longer require him to file.’

Connie also does not understand the concepts “nutrition”, “scurvy”, and “emergency room”.

Are you kidding? That’s not a bug, it’s a feature. It’s about time that everyone realized that having teeth is a privilege.

Oh, and for the record, this is one of those times where a full-length takedown would have been greatly appreciated. There’s no way I’m getting out of the boat if the only thing under my feet is Andrew Breitbart’s Big Government.

On WNYC just now they quoted an emailer from Brooklyn who said he thought Obama was doing a good job.

The sender’s name was “The Truth”.

Yesh.

Have you ever read the ALA’s Library Bill of Rights? It’s like the fucking Communist Manifesto, man!

George Bernard Shaw is in the library.

Q.E.D.

What, was Connie channeling Hasil Adkins at the end there? “Ah tell yew whut, Obama up’n sent a 5-pound can o’ commodity meat th’ uther day, ain’ that sumpin’?”

These people are just depressing as hell. I’ve been sitting here trying to think of something funny about ’em, but there just isn’t anything. They really do want to live in the “Mad Max” movies.

It’s about time that everyone realized that having teeth is a privilege.

We in the South understand that.

I am now intent on doing everything within my power to promote an economic recovery and prosperity. To that end […]

Sixth, I have decided to keep the prison at Guantamo open and to have all terrorists whom we catch tried by military tribunals.

Pay-per-view torture trials certainly would reduce the deficit.

is it just me or are conservatives getting more retarded by the day? i blame DimBart and Limpballs for stoopiD sh*t like this:

Unless you are an absolute pacifist, ie you will not raise a hand to defend yourself or your loved ones, being merely “anti-war” is nothing but moral cowardice.

But if you believe *something* is worth fighitng for then the argument is merely about *what* is worth fighting for. Assuming the morally superior tone in such an argument is nothing but vanity….

George Bernard Shaw is in the library.

Q.E.D.

Damn radical, militant librarians.

Also, off-topic (there’s a topic?), this is the best Craigslist posting to a Teabagger that I’ve seen outside of the casual encounters section.

and also, LOLZ!!!

http://biggovernment.com/2010/01/27/a1-to-a73-in-24-hours-the-life-and-death-of-watergate-jr/

Andy Dimbulb is vindicated in his own genius mind…

T&U,
that’s a blog by Slactivist.
glad to see it’s making the rounds, though.

Connie also does not understand the concepts “nutrition”, “scurvy”, and “emergency room”.

Are you kidding? That’s not a bug, it’s a feature. It’s about time that everyone realized that having teeth is a privilege.

You know what happens when you feed stray animals?

They breed.

that’s a blog by Slactivist.

Thanks for pointing that out! I will credit the correct author in the future.

Shorter Andy Breitbart: How dare you spam a one-side narrative about a complicated story that has two sides, in an effort to drown out one side of the story for the promotion of the other via sensationalism and simple repetition!

that’s a blog by Slactivist.

If you mean “Slacktivist” (which I assume) he’s a very cool guy with a very good blog who’s reading “Left Behind” so you don’t have to. And criticizing it from a Christian perspective, yet.

Unless you are an absolute pacifist, ie you will not raise a hand to defend yourself or your loved ones, being merely “anti-war” is nothing but moral cowardice.

Yeah, how dare we have some kind of political arguement about whether or not a certain situation is worth expending the lives of human beings over, not to mention the monetary cost.

These people have all the deep understanding of war of a episode of Gomer Pyle, USMC.

fourgivv mi speling.

http://slacktivist.typepad.com/slacktivist/2010/01/stop-demanding-that-you-get-screwed.html

Gomer Pyle as performed by Scott’s Patton, perhaps.

signed,
Morally Superior Tone.

Unless you are an absolute pacifist, ie you will not raise a hand to defend yourself or your loved ones, being merely “anti-war” is nothing but moral cowardice.

What if you are pro-war, but would run away pissing and screaming if someone tried to attack your loved ones? I’m asking for a Republican.

“Unless you are an absolute pacifist, ie you will not raise a hand to defend yourself or your loved ones, being merely “anti-war” is nothing but moral cowardice.”

I think there’s actually a certain logic to only raising a hand to defend you and your loved ones, actually. Any cause greater than that has a tendency to be hijacked for reasons that have nothing to do with defending anyone. Wars that absolutely need to be fought, like WW2, are few and far between, and very much outweighed by idiocies like the Spanish-American War or the Iraq War. A million dead Iraqis and four thousand dead Americans later, I think it’s about God damned time the spotlight be shifted from the anti-war movement to the pro-war one.

Also, conservatives are idiots. As with PJM, the real jewels in the article are never in the article itself but in the comments section. Particularly enjoyed the guy saying “He should say ‘Socialism doesn’t work – and I’m a dumbass for not getting the memo from the 20th century.'” Kinda want to reply “Socialism does work – and you’re a dumbass for not getting the memo from every other country in the free world in the 21st century.”

Chris said,

I think there’s actually a certain logic to only raising a hand to defend you and your loved ones, actually.

they mocked King for the allowing that. gawddam hypocrites can’t tell one violence from another – that is, unless darker-skinned people do it…

‘Until Obama starts doing and saying everything we Great American Patriot Teatards want, we will hold our breath. Or at least moan bitterly on the web.’

I think there’s actually a certain logic to only raising a hand to defend you and your loved ones, actually. Any cause greater than that has a tendency to be hijacked for reasons that have nothing to do with defending anyone

Has this fucking idiot never heard of the military-industrial complex? And isn’t “raising a hand to defend your loved ones” the equivalent of attacking a country only after we’ve been attacked, which most anti-war folks who aren’t pure pacifists are likely to support?

i think he HAS the military-industrial complex.

if by that you mean he gets wood thinking about war.

The fact is, calls for class warfare and hate for banks will only make things work. More tax cuts are the only way to restore prosperity.

The fact is, calls for class warfare and hate for banks will only make things work.

Freudian slip much, Gary?

The fact is, will only make things work. That was a typo. But liberals will use it to demonize the Patriot Movement, because they are biased. Stop biting the hands that create jobs — the wealthy, prosperous and hard working. They are not investing because they are afraid of socialist marxists like Obama confiscating it. Take all regulations and taxes away and watch the economy grow.

Yeah, just like the economy is growing in that free market tax free paradise of Somalia.

Meanwhile Rahe is pissing his panties:

Fifth, he intends to raise taxes on the investing class — both by means of imposing a tax on the large banks and investment operations which will be passed on to those who make use of the services they provide, and by allowing the tax cuts introduced by President Bush to lapse for those making over $250,000 a year — and he has no appreciation for the role which the investing class, if not denied the rewards for which it has incurred considerable risks, can play in creating new jobs and fostering prosperity.

“The investing class” is Randian for “Economic rapists,” I take it…

Take all regulations and taxes away and watch the economy grow us turn into Russia.

Fixed yer typo, there, Gary.

Gary Ruppert doesn’t want things to work.

More tax cuts are the only way to restore prosperity

This is always the answer, but what I never get from any of the gLibertarians is: How much tax are you willing to pay? Give me a number. A percent. Exactly how much aof your income are you willing to pay to the federal government to do what it does? I mean, we currently spend over $650 BILLLION every year just for the military. How much of that are you personally willing to pick up?

baby’s crying so I gotta go, but I can’t help but wonder who Connie thinks will prepare and distribute these poor boxes? mice? elves?

and every once in a while, in the crazies of the commentators, a little truth must shine:

The president does not seem to care about the November elections as much as giving pay back to his contributors with cap and trade and the health care bill.

OMG!! She’s talking about the multitude of real people who barely get by and yet who combined with their $2.30 actually helped to fund him into office! She’s talking about the Other Real Americans.

of course, that’s all dead now. thanks, Scratchy SCOTUS!

I mean, we currently spend over $650 BILLLION every year just for the military. How much of that are you personally willing to pick up?

Oh, WELL, that’s an IMPORTANT part of the gummint’s job; it’s Consitutionally mandated, so it’s okay.

Things other than blowing shit up and coining money backed by God’s pure holy gold, not so much.

What I never understand is why if tax cuts are so important, the U.S. economy was able not just to prosper but to boom for thirty years after the New Deal, with income tax rates going up to 70 and 90 percent, the super-rich of the Gilded Age having been taxed out of their mansions, and a powerful union movement backed by the federal government to ensure that the profits actually did trickle down. Be nice to see the Democrats get up and remind the people that that age did exist and that it existed with all of their policies in place.

Stop biting the hands that create jobs…
Veiled reference at manual or oral stimulation? You decide!

What I never understand is why if tax cuts are so important, the U.S. economy was able not just to prosper but to boom for thirty years after the New Deal

Unfortunately, if you are a wingnut, there is no history. Except the cool kind with the guns and stuff and when women wore skirts and made sammiches.

Ah, yes. Nothing like when wingnuts outline their “vision” for America in this way.

I find it interesting how they always manage to find their “fiscal responsibility” when a Democrat takes office, and only when a Democrat is in office. Otherwise, running up debt is a patriotic duty.

They’re also so fucking stupid that they honestly believe giving rich people more money — not companies, but actual people — will create millions of jobs. Which shows their knowledge of economics is on par with my 5-year-old’s grasp of string theory.

The thing is, though, as much fun as it is to mock them, our democracy cannot truly function as it should with that much collective, willful stupidity.

I mean, we’re talkin’ 20-some-odd percent of Americans who are convinced adding $2 trillion to our national debt to bomb brown people is just fine and dandy, but will then protest a health care plan that will save our budget $10 billion a year.

It’s just not possible to run a country when so many people think reality is up for debate.

Lots of video out there of Rahe talking about his book Liberal Fascism Soft Despotism.

I mean, we’re talkin’ 20-some-odd percent of Americans who are convinced adding $2 trillion to our national debt to bomb brown people is just fine and dandy, but will then protest a health care plan that will save our budget $10 billion a year.

Win.

Unfortunately, if you are a wingnut, there is no history.

I still remember Limbaugh crowing about how Kennedy “cut taxes” and boosted the economy.

Of course, there was plenty of military-industrial Keynsian spending at the time, corporations actually paid taxes, and he cut the top tax rate from almost 90% down to 60% or so.

BUT HE CUT TAXES HURF DURF BLURP BLURP *rustle rustle*

“I mean, we’re talkin’ 20-some-odd percent of Americans who are convinced adding $2 trillion to our national debt to bomb brown people is just fine and dandy, but will then protest a health care plan that will save our budget $10 billion a year.”

20% of hardcore followers, maybe. But even with the other 80%, it doesn’t automatically qualify you as a nutbag. Plenty of them listen attentively to what the right has to say even if they don’t agree with all of it.

“It’s just not possible to run a country when so many people think reality is up for debate.”

Yeah, that’s been the problem all along. And I don’t see what anyone can do to change it.

i was gonna ask what fools would give a grade-A dump like Rahe a doctorate, let alone a staff position, but then i see he’s at Tulsa.

my family lives by there (now. sadly). lead in the water nearby. me thinks the good perfssr has been drinkin a little o’ the ol’ libertarian moonshine…

Unfortunately, if you are a wingnutJohn McCain, there is no history.

History began on January 20, 2009, when Obamee started getting us into debt to the tune of $12 trillion:

During his first year in office, President Obama and Congressional Democrats have amassed a $12.4 trillion deficit that is growing each day.

http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2010/01/still_on_crack.php?ref=fpblg

Addendum: anyone else notice during the speech, when Obama was talking about the size of the deficit he inherited, McCain turning to the guy on his right and saying quite clearly, “He’s blaming it on Bush!” The nerve! As if W had anything to do with anything.

The nerve indeed!

Obama’s being blamed by the right for all of Bush’s faults (from the deficit to not acting quickly enough on Afghanistan) already. Bush’s little stooges spent the last eight years blaming 9/11 on Clinton and saying that the economic prosperity was due to nothing but the Republican Congress, to say nothing of the “blame Jimmy Carter” game that’s still the rage thirty years later.

I’d say it’s a lot more fun when both sides are playing.

Not blaming it on Bush! Not upon the Holy Saviour!

They really just can’t get past the worship phase that the rest of the country abandoned a couple years back…

So, Breitbart wasn’t behind his boi-toi O’Keefe. Apparently, the anti-health care reform “Christians” of the Family Research Council were trying to jam up Landieu’s phone – not necessarily ‘tapping’ it.

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/01/nbc_okeefe_aimed_to_test_landrieus_response_to_dis.php

Just groovin’ on some Blind Melon. Awesome.

Stop biting the hands

dude, Imma zombee. That IS my job. Hands and arms and feet and branes….

were trying to jam up Landieu’s phone – not necessarily ‘tapping’ it.

not too surprising, actually. I wouldn’t guess that twerp would be able to figure out how to tap a phone.

Although, didn’t they find an accomplice with listening gear in his car? How does that square?

So, Breitbart wasn’t behind his boi-toi O’Keefe. Apparently, the anti-health care reform “Christians” of the Family Research Council were trying to jam up Landieu’s phone – not necessarily ‘tapping’ it.

Which will still get them 5-10 years in the pen. Still a felony.

Oh, oh, oh, it’s okay then — as long as it’s Republicans and right wingers trying to disable the phone services of a Democratic Senator, it’s no big thing.

On the other hand, if Democrats or left wingers were to attempt to mess with a Republican official’s phone systems / lines, it would be terrorism, and the U.S. government — or maybe even a nearby janitor — would be empowered to shoot them on sight.

which is central to my point, see?

Y’know, if I got busted trying to tap a Senator’s phone, I think I’d probably say I was just trying to have a bit of fun by shutting it down too. That excuse just doesn’t pass the smell test. Apparently, defendant four was out in the car with a “monitoring device”. So they were going to monitor empty lines. Yah. Sure.

Even if taken at face value, the little fucks are up for a ten year bid for tampering. That’s if nobody invokes any terrorism clauses. Good riddance to bad rubbish, and maybe it’ll be some minor deterrent to the IOKIYAR crowd. Not likely, but I can hope.

Shorter Breitblart: The MSM is toally jumping to conclusions and needs to take a breath and wait until all the fact are in and…ACORN!!!! OBAMA ISLAMO-FASCIST NAZI SOCIALIST!!!! ACORN ACORN ACORN!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and RE: teabaggers, whoopsie.

“You are too crazy for Michele Bachmann to associate with you” is a phrase that can be applied to precious few people. Congrats, Baggers, and here’s to another year of failed revolutin’ that the rest of us sit back and laugh at.

Bachmann’s office:
We’d rather err on the side of caution

yeah. they sure would. always. ever.

getting back to okeefer going southerland…

In September, Kane appeared at a press conference with the state’s GOP senator, David Vitter, to tout a Pelican study on health-care, conducted by the research firm of renowned conservative economist Arthur Laffer. The study recommended converting the Medicaid program into vouchers for private insurance, among other ideas.

Pelican describes itself on its website as a “non-partisan, tax-exempt organization,” which “relies on voluntary support from individuals, private foundations and businesses.”

dahyum! these guys have no scruples!

from justme’s linky:
However, Tea Party loyalists began to balk at the expensive price of tickets and the fact that the venture is for-profit, saying that it smelled “scammy.”

No. Shit. Sherlock.

Also from justme’s link – nice to see that the list of featured teabaggers includes birther-with-a-porn-stache Joseph Farah, and Bible-beatin’ Judge Roy Moore. How awesome it would be if Super Sarah kept her commitment and spoke at such an august gathering:

http://www.nationalteapartyconvention.com/speakers.aspx

“Yeah, [clinical stupidity amongst Americans has] been the problem all along. And I don’t see what anyone can do to change it.”

My totally-not-doable-in-this-world ideas …

Start by fixing the media in a two ways:

1. Change the rules on media ownership to change the “six companies own all major outlets” system we have now.

2. Each year when their license is up, you do a fact-check tally on each outlets hard news programs/political talk shows. For each demonstrably false thing they knowingly broadcast or didn’t correct when the falsehood was discovered, they’re fined $100,000. (The Sunday shows alone would have to pony up billions.) These outlets only understand $$, so use their desire for profits as a cudgel against them.

The airwaves are there to serve the public (who owns those airwaves) and there have to be consequences for spreading utter bullshit disguised as fact. There just has to be.

Sure, there are logistical issues (How do you monitor each station? Who does the fact checking? Etc.), and media companies like Time Warner and News Corp. would lose their shit. But it’s worth it.

I’d then totally trash NCLB and its stupid culture of teaching a test. I’d limit tuition increases at colleges and universities getting federal funds.
And I’d do all I can to create a culture in which the desire for knowledge and truth is no longer seen as a character flaw … in which common sense is incorporated into book learning … and that celebrates different types of knowledge (e.g., I know a guy who can’t quote any authors, but can fix a car like you wouldn’t believe).

Of course, none of those are foolproof — mainly because nature keeps making more foolish fools. But none of them will hurt.

Sadly, none of them will probably happen, either. There’s just too much money in the system we have now.

And a shitload more money in keeping Americans as dumb as possible.

::sigh::

“However, Tea Party loyalists began to balk at the expensive price of tickets and the fact that the venture is for-profit, saying that it smelled “scammy.””

If they’re waiting for a libertarian/conservative convention that isn’t a giant fucking scam, they could be waiting for rather a long time.