Is the crustacean he’s suckling related to his lobster-red complexion?

Every Haitian needs to do what Jonah did: make it on his own two feet, with no assistance from others, relying only on hard work and natural ability.

American culture not only expects hard work, but teaches the unskilled how to work hard.

I think the author forgot to enroll in America class.

Yeah, those Haitians have been living the life of Reilly, what with their eating dirt and searching for pieces of wood on hillsides to use for fires to cook starch.

That picture appears to capture Jonah Goldberg halfway through transforming into some kind of sea creature.

HA! Best shorter ever!

I don’t recall. Were all these gasbags THIS repulsive during the Tsunami?

Or has Katrina made them decide that being greedy, amoral douchebags is their true nature, and no reason to keep it under wraps any more.

Plus, a fat, red-faced Jonah Goldberg making fake-gang signs should just STFU. Gad he makes me ill.

I don’t recall. Were all these gasbags THIS repulsive during the Tsunami?

Yes.

Tubby Lobsta man with sympathy deficiency. New from Hasbro.

That picture appears to capture Jonah Goldberg halfway through transforming into some kind of sea creature.

He’s neither smart enough nor photogenic enough to be Zoidberg.

American culture not only expects hard work, but teaches the unskilled how to work hard.

America has failed Lucianne Goldberg’s dumbest son.

“The closer you are to living in a state of nature, the crueler nature will be — which is one reason why people who romanticize tribal or pre-capitalist life (that would be you, James Cameron) tend to do so from a safe, air-conditioned distance and with easy access to flushing toilets, antibiotics, dentistry, and Chinese takeout.”

Obligatory pop culture reference: Check
What! No Star Trek reference? You slipping dude.

I didn’t trust the shorter and yes, he blames it all on the NGO’s.
Alternate Shorter: If we only make abject poverty less attractive to the Haitians, they would work harder and not be so poor.

That picture appears to capture Jonah Goldberg halfway through transforming into some kind of sea creature.

Unfortunately, Benicio Del Toro’s movie Wolfman is coming out soon, which brought a halt to the Jonah Goldberg vehicle Lobsterman!

A tale of two countries:

Country X
– population – 10 million people
– per capita GDP – under $1,000
– average annual direct foreign aid from the US: $200 million

Country Y
– population – 7.5 million people
– per capita GDP – about $30k
– average annual direct foreign aid from the US: FIFTEEN TIMES what country X gets ($3 Billion)

Country X is Haiti. Tough love for Haiti. Country Y is Israel. Big wet slobbery kisses, bouquets of roses, diamonds, minks, sponge baths and a condo in the Hamptons for Israel.

You know, maybe if he were to think of Haitians as “bloggers,” the need for aid as “blegs,” and humanitarian assistance as “informative emails” he would be a little more sympathetic. And hey, has NR somehow become profitable since their last fundraiser?

“Or has Katrina made them decide that being greedy, amoral douchebags is their true nature, and no reason to keep it under wraps any more.”

Not sure, but it seems like it made it acceptable. Bootstraps and what-not, right? If Jonah’s IQ was above 50 or so, he would realize that if he were the victim of such devastation, he would gladly accept help from anyone willing to provide it. But then, he’s white, isn’t he?

stupid existed before jonah goldberg, but hadn’t yet reached its current level of stupidity and obnoxiousness

i think for jonah, it has to be renamed ‘stupidosity’ or ‘supidaceousness’

stupidiosus obnox?

Suggested photo caption: Social Darwinism is Faaabulous!

I haven’t words for this. Well, other than this: I hope your house collapses into a sinkhole with you in it, you fat asshole. I’m not one to wish misfortune on others, but anyone with Jonah’s background who actually writes a column on how one of the poorest countries on earth needs to pull itself up by the bootstraps deserves everything that happens to him.

It was Katrina that started this. They (Jonah included) got away with saying some vile, dishonest and racist bilge – and those people were Americans! This time it’s even worse. I’m just waiting for them to start recycling all those bullshit Katrina stories.

Oh, but wait –

I admit that I have a soft spot for Haiti…I also have Haitians in my family — my brother is married to a Haitian immigrant.

You see? He’s not a narcissistic, heartless, racist xenophobe. Why some of his best…to hell with it.

Haiti would rebuild its own country and economy, but it’s on a deadline…..

Oh, Mark Steyn is over the Corner laughing at a bunch of high school missionaries who were building a goat farm in Haiti. It boils down to three essential points:

1. LOL what kinda fags can’t build a goat farm?
2. LOL what kinda fag missionaries build goat farms? Real manly missionaries would hunt and kill cougars.
3. LOL middle aged college students are stupid babies.

I’m too lazy to go back and find the link.

That picture appears to capture Jonah Goldberg halfway through transforming into some kind of sea creature.

Eugene H. Krabs

people who romanticize tribal or pre-capitalist life

A statement whose astounding arrogance is only rivaled in magnitude by its ignorance.

My reference to Steyn isn’t really a shorter, by the way. Except for the word “fag” those are almost verbatim quotes.

“I admit that I have a soft spot for Haiti…I also have Haitians in my family — my brother is married to a Haitian immigrant.”

Baby Doc’s daughter is an immigrant?

more bullshit. he just stole the whole article from the wsj.

Even Mr. Krabs is more ethical than the Greater North American Pork Prawn up there, may he fall into a ravine during an earthquake and be found two weeks later having been forced to eat his own fat legs, the suet-sack of hate filled dogshit.

which is one reason why people who romanticize tribal or pre-capitalist life completely lack empathy (that would be you, James Cameron Loadenpantzen) tend to do so from a safe, air-conditioned distance and with easy access to flushing toilets, antibiotics, dentistry, and Chinese takeout.

Fixed.

Hateful.

“more bullshit. he just stole the whole article from the wsj.”

If it wasn’t for the wingnut welfare, Jonah would write his own columns. This is central to his point.

I’m sure most of the current surviving residents of Port-Au-Prince are romanticizing pre-capitalist life. Y’know, back in the 1970’s when the population of the capital city was less than 100,000, and most Haitians lived and worked on farms in the countryside, instead of being packed into rickety tenements in the city so that they could work in corporate sweatshops. Yeah, those were the days…

I’m only surprised we’re not seeing more hyping of this nonsense.

I’m only surprised we’re not seeing more hyping of this nonsense.

Me too! Hell, I heard her on TTBOOK last year and thought, “Oh, shit, here we go.” But not a peep!

So God damn tired of hearing Goldberg and his ilk talk about colonialism as if it was something out of a history book.

Lest anyone forget, it was the U.S. that financed the establishment of FRAPH, the right-wing terrorist group that was running wild in the early 1990s. It was the U.S. that, when it sent forces to restore the peace in Haiti at that time, refused to disarm FRAPH. And it was almost certainly the U.S. that orchestrated the coup that removed him from power in 2004 (after formenting a rebellion with former death squad members and blaming Aristide for not being able to maintain order).

I don’t get it. What is it about us that makes us absolutely refuse to deal with third world democracies honestly? The American economy wouldn’t crash and burn if our companies paid people like the Haitians a living wage – or, God forbid, start buying T-shirts and soccer balls made in the U.S. instead of overseas. I can understand why big corporations want to keep their profit margins as high as possible – that’s what they do – but you’d think the people and the government could at least rein them in. Unfortunately, if you tell the American people anything like the truth about our dealings with the third world, they’ll usually get upset because you’re implying that America isn’t virtuous and perfect and run sobbing into the arms of the Republicans. Christ, this country makes me want to puke sometimes…

Meanwhile, more self-Godwinning at Blartblart:

– http://www.breitbart.tv/hitler-finds-out-scott-brown-won-ma-senate-seat/

So God damn tired of hearing Goldberg and his ilk talk about colonialism as if it was something out of a history book.

I can’t decide if they’re evil, ignorant, or both.

I can’t decide if they’re evil, ignorant, or both.

Insane is a third possibility, but I tend towards “all of the above.”

Carrie Prejean’s Schlick Flick, now in Imax 3D! said,
January 20, 2010 at 21:25

In his defense, that series has some funny bits, though I don’t think he actually gets the joke.

This one is my favorite, though.

Jesus fucking Christ. You know, Haiti did pull itself by its own bootstraps once. The entire country rose up in a slave revolt against the French, and sent them packing. France said “a’right guys, we’ll let you have your own country, you just need to reimburse all these businessmen who lost money because they lost their property when you revolted”. Their ‘property’ was the Haitian people themselves, i.e. their slaves. Haiti fucking PAID THEM. Let me repeat that: Haitians paid back the French the money they ‘owed’ them because they were now not slaves anymore. Which was a whole lot, many million dollars which would translate to billions nowadays.

Contrast Haiti’s economy to the Dominican Republic, which is *on the same fucking island* and didn’t have to do that.

But of course this huge theft by the French, followed by colonial theft by everyone other Western country, has absolutly zilch to do with why Haitians eat mudcakes. No siree.

Oh, I actually watched the Breitbart video. I’m a retard (pronounced Galafanakis style). Nevermind. Yes, he is a douche.

The closer you are to living in a state of nature, the crueler nature will be

The fact that the entire countryside has been deforested escapes the Pantload.

Jesus fucking Christ. You know, Haiti did pull itself by its own the Devil’s bootstraps once. The entire country rose up in a slave revolt against the French, and sent them packing.

“My brother is married to a Haitian immigrant.”

Until the Haitian Divorce papers are finalized.

No BBBB, if Haiti would only abolish big government forestry efforts and building codes the economy would flourish. Tree hugging liberal fascists caused Haiti’s destruction. Chris Dodd and Barney Frank also.

wharrrrrrble wharrrrble jiggy jiggy jiggy

“The closer you are to living in a state of nature, the crueler nature will be.”

Remember that to a good conservative, the state of nature is the will of God. And also remember that to many good Prosperity Theologians, poverty is an indication of being unwell-liked by the Almighty.

Am I reading too much into this?

Haiti fucking PAID THEM.

And paid them.

And paid them.

Until nineteen forty fucking seven.

Naaaahhhhhhh, that wouldn’t have anything to do with their systemic poverty. Nope, nothin’ at all. Doop-de-doop.

See, it’s their “culture” that’s the whole problem. If they could all just have their mothers pull a few strings and land them sinecures somewhere, they’d be fine. Well, that, and if they’d stop being so black.

Alternative Shorter Jonah: I can’t be racist, cuz my bro got him some of that brown sugar, amirite?

This one is my favorite, though.

I hate those Hitler parody videos; they’re pretty much impossible to appreciate if you understand German, probably moreso if you’ve also seen the film. There’s Hitler rather upset about his failing battle plans, and the subtitles have decided to talk about an entirely different topic. Like when Colbert’s bullet points rebel against him. Perhaps they’re just embarrassed.

Add subtitles to the Swedish Chef, then you’re on to something.

Sorry if this has already been linked, but, a basketball league for white Americans only. WTF?

http://chronicle.augusta.com/stories/2010/01/19/nba_563760.shtml

The comments are just sad. Some of these people insist that a league for players whose parents must be Caucasian is not racist at all.

Smedley, please allow me to apologize for my entire state. I think it’s because we’re right next door to South Carolina and the stupid just leaks down all over us…

“Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?” he told the paper. “That’s the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction.”

Will there be lynchings at halftime?

Possible team names:
Carolina Klansmen
Augusta Aryans
Memphis MasterRace

Help me out here!

Marion-

I have lived my entire adult life in Texas. Believe me when I tell you, I feel your pain.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNN!!!!!!!!

Sorry. Sorry. It’s just that… everytime I see a reference to Ween, I just….

WEEEENN!!!

“Savannah Slavemasters”
“Louisville Lilywhites”

The Lynchburg Lynchers? The Columbia Confederates? The Birmingham Firehoses?

WTF? I played for John Fucking Wooden! This a-hole thinks I didn’t learn fundamentals from John Fucking Wooden?

And, yeah, more Goldberg douchery. Of course, he and his buttfucking friends have spent all year decrying health care reform as “tough love” (You’ll have to wait in lines! People a hundred times richer than you might pay more taxes!), so I guess Real Murika has already paid its dues and must from now on be pampered and protected without the slightest hint of discomfort.

Yeah, normally I’d rage a little longer, but I’m kinda beat right now.

Holy little finger Batman, the Gladberg donated a digit to his craft! I trust it was done without anaesthesia, he doesn’t deserve it.

Nah, he just bit down too fast while eating his Breakfast 12″ pizza and failed to notice til elevenses.

Best shorter ever.

Were all these gasbags THIS repulsive during the Tsunami?

The recent gasbag repulsiveness is because tsunami victims did not have as many chances to come to the U.S. as refugees, etc., as Haitians do.

It’s the Monroe Doctrine redux. Keep Euros out of the hemisphere, & keep more darkies out of the United Snakes.

Well, at least when you Get Out Of The Boat with Loadpanzer, you barely get your toes wet.

*splish*

Odd – other than the “counterintuitive” advice to “get teh nefarious NGOs outta Dodge & abandon your entire cultural heritage,” there doesn’t seem to be any, er, actual useful content in Jonah’s “tough love” prescription. Yeah, let’s get those pesky aid-agencies outta there before they subvert Haiti’s fledgling Free Market experiment with more health-clinics & water-treatment plants – surely there can be no flaws in THAT cunning plan!

It’s true that Haiti has few natural resources, but neither does Japan or Switzerland.

Yet the Swiss grasped their own bootstraps & somehow bounced right back from decades of brutal dictatorship under the Swiss-Machete-wielding cadres of the kleptocratic “Macadamia Trucknutz” – as did the plucky Japanese when they recovered from their multi-gazillion-dollar debt obligation to the Mole People, despite a total lack of either heavy industry or high-tech!

Ergo, Jonah “I Like My Lovin’ Tough, Baby” Goldberg Am A Winnar!!!11!!11111!!!

SUCK IT, LIBZ!

I guess his prescription is to stop spending any money there at least until they harbor a guy who paid for people to fly into a US building or, well, I’m not exactly sure what Hussein did that warranted the pallets of cash wasted there, but that.

Clearly the solution is for Haiti to develop secure banks for plunderers of Axis gold to store their shit in. Just like Switzerland and Japan.

Well, a brief look at the intertubes shows that the U.S. funneled billions of dollars into Japan just after the war–back when a dollar was really worth something (and yes, a lot of this was food aid). The Truman government not too surprisingly quickly came to the conclusion that it was in their best interest to reconstruct the Japanese economy rather than indefinitely provide emergency funds.

How else do wingnuts account for Japan’s rise from a smoldering bomb crater to an economic superpower? That the average Nippon pulled himself up by his own bootstraps–assuming he hadn’t already eaten them in the famine that consumed the nation–and, with no help from anyone (certainly not his lazy relatives from Hiroshima, always bitching about fallout sickness rather than, you know, *doing* anything about it), just tapped into his can-do spirit and built a bullet train?

And not forgetting that they don’t have to pay a damn yen for defense because, wait, we provide that for them! (Assertion utterly unbacked by any actual source because I expect my readers to do that kind of work for me). Nope, them Japs are simply superior people formed and informed by their superior Shinto-Buddhist beliefs…

No, wait, that can’t be correct…

Frankly, his hand scares me

The best thing virile white studs like me could do for those people is go over and breed their Randian overlord genes into the mix. Bush proved that Republicans just have an innate ability to take a messed-up country around and put it in right order. What Haiti needs is a whole generation of little Goldbergs, you know, breed some civility into those people like they did in Argentina and Brazil.

A shorter for the ages!