Pretty clear that he’s getting a lot of sumpin’ for dinner.

He started talking about Ayn Rand and my eyes glazed over.

However, I feel confident in stating that he is a giant douchebag.

I’ll keep this in mind when you’re 45 and have to go on disability to survive because you’ve been gorging on Big Gulps and Ho Hos your entire life, you evil, impotent little fuck.

PS–WAAAH WAAAH WAAAH MAH TAXES!!!! sounds awfully ludicrous and selfish (no, not in a “good way”) given our (ie, White People’s) history of not just neglecting Haitians but actively exploiting them and their resources as much as humanly possible.

You would collapse under a tiny fraction of the hardships that any one of these people has had to face, you useless motherfucker.

Wait, are we shipping Cheetos to Haiti? If not, what’s this douche worried about?

Jesus Christ, because Ayn Rand argued one shouldn’t try to save a drowning man if doing so would endanger one’s own life we shouldn’t aid Haiti at all? As if that fat fuck would pry his ass out of the LaZBoy to do more than scratch it. YOU ARE NOT IN ANY DANGER except of your brain leaping out of your head in disgust.

That guy is the anthropomorphic embodiment of a crusty sweat stain in the armpit of a XXXL Hustler tee-shirt.

Yay! I am so pleased you posted this. I have been having fun with those Coliseum Clowns since you first posted this porkballoon’s G Spot Tornado article.

The head Clown over there posted that they were looking for new bloggers, swearing up and down they didn’t care if you were left, right, glibertarian cobag, whatever.

It sat with no replies. So I hopped in and noted that while they claimed to be free of political bent, their About clearly sayd they’re glibertarian. And in their ad for new writers, the Clown in Charge said “we have been linked by Reason.com, The American Spectator, Big Hollywoodblart, CNN, and Instapundit”. I pointed out to them that that’s on Glibertarian free market worship site, three rightwing havens, and CNN.

ColiseumClown got upset and closed comments on the thread. His feelings musta been hurt.

Also I wager “linked by CNN” means someone spammed their site in a comment.

Oh, and I should have mentioned: Moobs.

Note:

Q. This FAQ makes you sound like a pretty big jerk. Are you one?

Yes.

Seriously, there should be some rule that if you use Ayn Rand to justify your position, you automatically lose the argument and all other arguments you have with anyone in perpetuity until you stop being such a giant flaming douche-bag.

Interesting, spellcheck insists that douche-bag is either hyphenated or two words.

“To illustrate this on the altruists’ favorite example: the issue of saving a drowning person. If the person to be saved is a stranger, it is morally proper to save him when the danger to one’s own life is minimal; when the danger is great, it would be immoral to attempt it: only a lack of self-esteem could permit one to value one’s life no higher than that of any random stranger.”

Republicans and libertarians will always say that OF COURSE they support charity and helping the poor and all that rot, they just don’t want the GOVERNMENT to be in charge of it – cue the platitudes about how much more generous and selfless conservatives are than liberals, etc, etc, etc.

The interesting thing about Ayn Rand is that she goes the whole nine yards and says out loud what the hard right thinks but is politically unable to say; Fuck The Poor. Fuck the altruists. Fuck every shred of morality that’s ever guided human civilization, and yes, that means fuck Christianity too, by the way. Survival of the fittest is all that matters, it is every man’s duty to claw his way to the top no matter how many corpses he has to step on to get there.

You’d think she’d be kind of a turn off for nice, honest well-thinking middle-American Christians, and yet…

Seriously, there should be some rule that if you use Ayn Rand to justify your position, you automatically lose the argument and all other arguments you have with anyone in perpetuity until you stop being such a giant flaming douche-bag.

An organization could be founded to transport them to Galt’s Gulch. I will donate two 5-pound bags of seeds, one of Brussels sprouts and one of cilantro.

Q. This FAQ makes you sound like a pretty big jerk. Are you one?

Yes.

The first step is to admit you have a problem.

The Haitians are a bunch of lazy good for nothings who are suffering because they won’t do an honest day’s work. Then what’s worse is that they come over here to our country and take jobs away from Real Americans and work for a lot less. This all goes together somehow, I promise.

It’s becoming more and more clear that these neoneandertals are merely reptilian brained thugs who see Rand as an easy way to rationalize their ruthlessness selfishness. Their neocortecies never engage, beyond what is necessary to read the microwave cooking directions on a Hot Pocket.

it would be immoral to attempt it: only a lack of self-esteem could permit one to value one’s life no higher than that of any random stranger.

I take it this guy is not a fan of our Iraq and Afghanistan adventures?

rationalize their ruthlessness selfishness.

Well. I never went back and downselected my adjectives before pressing “submit comment,” did I?

Let’s go with selfish ruthlessness, then.

Hot Pockets are one of those foods inherently meant to be spoken out loud by fat people, as Patton Oswalt detailed.

Survival of the fittest is all that matters, it is every man’s duty to claw his way to the top no matter how many corpses he has to step on to get there.

This is what gets me about these glibertarians- how the hell could this guy compete in any arena? He’s dumb, ugly, and he’d get winded by trying to stand up to pee- why is he espousing survival of the fittest?

The Haitians are a bunch of lazy good for nothings who are suffering because they won’t do an honest day’s work. Then what’s worse is that they come over here to our country and take jobs away from Real Americans and work for a lot less. This all goes together somehow, I promise black.

Same “thoughts”, fewer words.

why is he espousing survival of the fittest?

He can’t spell and thought was survival of the fattest?

It would, however, be perfectly acceptable if we found a way to INVADE Haiti instead, for a million times the cost of aid. Any oil there? Or terrorists? Maybe we could protect those cruise-line beaches?

It would, however, be perfectly acceptable if we found a way to INVADE Haiti instead, for a million times the cost of aid.

We fight the Haitians over there so we don’t have to fight them over here…

Any oil there? Or terrorists?

There’s sugar cane, what better to inspire Mike McGowan’s greed?

why is he espousing survival of the fittest?

I’m always amused by their Darwin invocations. As B^4 points out, they are among the least fit by just about every measure imaginable. But what I really like is the way they completely don’t get it that fitness derives from adaptability, a trait they not only lack but actively oppose.

Alternate Shorter:

Fuck Haiti. I don’t get t-bone steak for dinner so why should they? Let them eat copies of Ayn Rand’s The Virtue of Selfishness gourmet French-Caribbean Mud Cakes.

Good thing the passengers on United 93 were strict Randians.

“Welp…looks like we’re flying straight into the U.S. Capitol, but at least I have my dignity!”

His jokes are getting even nastier than that G-spot howler. Who woulda thunk and hoocudanode? No one could have predicted…

“Violence and looting” my ass. If this shitball had to miss two consecutive meals, he’d run over anyone and everyone who got between him and a bowl of rice.

The first step is to admit you have are a problem.

Fats-ed.

There’s an image. Tree trunk legs from hoisting his bulk around, shorts and sandals in winter, thumping forward like a rhino toward a bowl of gruel.

I foolishly GOTB. I was (mercifully) unable to read the whole thing so I will just go with one the first intellectiual speed bumps.

We need to help those people.

Why that reaction? Two reasons: 1) “We” usually means “Other People”,

I’m sure it would be funny if I could figure out wtf he’s trying to say.

Fine. FYWP.

WP already eated this comment once.

I foolishly GOTB. I was (mercifully) unable to read the whole thing so I will just go with one the first intellectiual speed bumps.

We need to help those people.

Why that reaction? Two reasons: 1) “We” usually means “Other People”,

I’m sure it would be funny if I could figure out wtf he’s trying to say.

WP has now eated my comment twice.

I never realized how irrational lifeguards are.

Ayn Rand was a sociopath—she appeals mostly to other sociopaths and followers in denial.

T-bone Steak and Ayn Rand: Omaha Steak Company is actually located on John Galt Blvd in Omaha Nebraksa.

Now that’s fucking creepy.

/humourless dildo, too, also.

No way that shorter is right.

Must. Not. Click.

For those keeping score, here is the output of that site to date:

1) I can’t satisfy my (possibly imaginary) girlfriend and it’s all her damn fault for expecting me to try.

2) I fart in public because it makes me a man.

3) A is A and therefore black people should starve to death under collapsed rubble.

Anybody want to start a poll on what the next one will be? A Modest Proposal, only for serious? Solve the health care crisis by putting poor, sick people on an ice floe? More thumbscrews in interrogation rooms?

Sadly, No! is almost superfluous these days. The wingnuts are parodying themselves.

I never realized how irrational lifeguards are.

ah, but lifeguards are paid, so it’s not altruism!

actually (as a former lifeguard), one of the primary guidelines for any professional rescuer is to not attempt a rescue if it will but yourself in danger. not because a stranger’s life is worth less than your own though, but simply that if you fuck up, then you need to be rescued too.

how “sending a couple of bucks to help out” equates to “risk” of, well, anything beyond losing a couple of bucks is beyond me.

Objectivism has a bible (Atlas Shrugged), a prophet (Ayn Rand), a heaven (Galt’s Gulch) and a hell (modern society). Also, plenty of brainless followers willing to allow atrocious acts of human suffering in the name of their faith. Can we call it a religion yet?

These types always imagine themselves to be among the “fittest” surviving, because apparently there’s some chapter of Darwin or the Bible which defines the fitness of humans based on how much they approach the ideal of a white, male, right wing, Southern, baptist, meat eater.

how the hell could this guy compete in any arena?

Competitive eating of soft and/or predigested foods. I suspect he’s a champeen.

Ayn Rand… providing sordid rationalizations for justification-hungry asswipes for over seventy years.

I’m especially impressed with the nonsensical analogy he draws between rescuing someone who’s drowning and the utterly different situation of providing mass aid after a catastrophe:

The lifeguard must instead wait for them to quit struggling, wait till they slip below the waves, then grab them and pull them to shore.

Applying this to Haiti, we must wait until the wretches are too weak from hunger or disease to throw rocks at us, then we can safely enter the country and distribute much-needed copies of The Fountainhead.

Can we call it a religion yet?

Needs more Inquisitors.

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Seriously, there should be some rule that if you use Ayn Rand to justify your position, you automatically lose the argument and all other arguments you have with anyone in perpetuity until you stop being such a giant flaming douche-bag.

You need to tighten up that law, it’s too open to interpretation. For instance, the following argument would make me a giant flaming douche-bag:

“The social purpose of academics is considered to be to provide ideological justification for their paymasters’ status quo. One only need to think of Ayn Rand, whose entire output was garbage philosophy, without stopping her from gaining widespread appeal amongst the douchebags in charge of our economy.”

What is wrong with these assholes? Starving, desperate people fight over food so we should take the food away… ?

I’m surprised no one has suggested that cannibalism might solve more than one problem.

I’m sorry, but the earthquake didn’t hit America, there is no need for it to claim American lives.

Accurate insofar as “earthquake” applies to any ill fortune, “America”=Mike, and “lives”=any effort whatsoever.

That photoshop is hysterical.

BlackBloc –

OK, the rule needs a little work, but the principle is sound. Sound, dammit!

The Coliseum Clowns seem to have banned my IP from even READING their page now. That’s the courage of their convictions.

I didn’t get a T-Bone steak last night either! Don’t see me revolting because of it…

On the contrary, I do see you as revolting.

The Coliseum Clowns seem to have banned my IP from even READING their page now.

And they say they are against altruism!

Giving to the Red Cross and other charities, while at times a dubious activity where you never know what the money will be spent on

Yeah uh… the Red Cross being a charity and all, its financial details are publicly available.

But as we all know, in wingnutese, “you never know” actually means “I’m too lazy to look it up.”

For those of you who are wondering how a person could be a Christian and an Objectivist at the same time, you must understand the nature of right-wing fundamentalist evangelism. These folks basically believe that they get a free pass into heaven if they say the magic words (I believe they are “There is no god but God and Mohammed Jesus is his prophet”). After that, not only are good deeds unnecessary but unseemly as they smack of the heretical Catholic “salvation through works” doctrine. If you want to know more, go here and start reading backwards.

Alternately, it’s possible that folks like Mike are just a selfish assholes who don’t want to sacrifice in the slightest.

A rational individual, possessed of self-esteem
This, right here, is where one ought to stop giving a damn about what the person who has just uttered this has to say about anything. Reminds me of what the late M. Scott Peck had to say about people who only care about their self-esteem, but alas, I’m too lazy to look up the actual quote.

We’re risking the lives of American doctors, soldiers, etc for no reason but to give petty tyrants power and an easy life
Wait, I’m confused. I thought we were talking about Haiti, not Iraq or Afganistan…

Alternately, it’s possible that folks like Mike are just a selfish assholes who don’t want to sacrifice in the slightest.

This, but too dishonest to admit it and yet with a dim recognition that it’s unacceptable enough to require the lame-ass rationalization.

flavortext,

Objectivism has a bible (Atlas Shrugged), a prophet (Ayn Rand), a heaven (Galt’s Gulch) and a hell (modern society)
Well fuck me in the goat ass. It would never have occurred to me that objectivism = gnosticism.

Or knob-sticism.

I must ask, sadlies: If you were given the opportunity to go back in time and kill one evil person before they worked their mischief, how could it not be Ayn Rand? Dear God, how much better the last half of the 20th century could have been if she hadn’t been around to harden the cocks of various douchebags with lots of power and too much time on their hands.

I must ask, sadlies: If you were given the opportunity to go back in time and kill one evil person before they worked their mischief, how could it not be Ayn Rand? Dear God, how much better the last half of the 20th century could have been if she hadn’t been around to harden the cocks of various douchebags with lots of power and too much time on their hands.

Unless your time machine is time limited, I’d still pick The Mustache every time.

Jeezis, there are a bunch of people. I like to ask people for their top three so they can’t just weasel out with that cousinfucker.

“I must ask, sadlies: If you were given the opportunity to go back in time and kill one evil person before they worked their mischief, how could it not be Ayn Rand?”

Because Ronald Reagan existed too.

Unless your time machine is time limited, I’d still pick The Mustache every time.

Tom Friedman?

“Q. What does “When Falls the Coliseum” mean? Can you explain the quote from Lord Byron that’s on the Welcome page?”

“No, we can’t explain it. More precisely, we won’t. You seem like a smart person. Figure it out.”

oh, oh! I think I got it: When falls the coliseum, it’ll be because all those fat guys went up on the roof to look at the devastation in Haiti.