Compare and Contrast



Sorry, Hitch, but even when he’s got your shitty haircut, Tom Hanks is still a billion times more attractive. Plus, he’s so much less of a wanker, it’s not even funny.


Comments: 26


it’s not even funny

But then again, neither is Tom Hanks (at least not since Bachelor Party.


Yosef obviously didn’t listen to “Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me” last Saturday.


Yeah, that was funny. I liked when he said some instance of criminal debauchery (I can’t recall what) put him in mind of “my wooing of Rita.” Funny!


Plus, Hanks has kind of a studious look, but when Hitchens tries, it just gives him a stalker-ish psycho vibe.



It’s really too bad when you see an awful publicity picture like Hitchens’, because you know that’s the absolute best he can possibly look. He *worked* at looking like that. Tom Hanks is no oil painting (in fact, he’s standing to the left of one, ha ha), but despite the hair at least he looks neat and alert.


Which one is the fungus?


I’d say Hitchens looks like Neil Young when he was still a young Republican.


At least one of them is a roaring drunk.


That’s Hitchens? My first thought when I saw that picture was that it was Brad Dourif, aka Wormtongue in LotR and lots of other creepy unhinged roles, and I started thinking “so the other guy must be Hitchens? Doesn’t look so bad….”

Tak, the Hideous New Girl

What would the girl equivalent of “I wouldn’t fuck him with a stolen dick” be?

Whatever it is, that’s how I feel about Hitch.

Tak, the Hideous New Girl

What would the girl equivalent of “I wouldn’t fuck him with a stolen dick” be?

Whatever it is, that’s how I feel about Hitch.




Hitchens looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving the DNA of Churchill and Grima Wormtongue (he drinks like the former and has the weirdo vibe of the latter).


On the Pajamarama front page they had: “The Da Vinci Code: could this be Tom Hanks’s Dixie Chicks moment?”


I’m going to apologize for this right now because it’s incredibly off-topic, but I need to vent for a sec: I have just been BANNED from Americablog for disagreeing with Aravosis! And I’m not using “disagreeing” as a euphemism for insulting or swearing or anything like that. Lots of commenters–including me–pointed out that one of his posts was sexist, and several that I know of were banned and hundreds of comments deleted.

WTF?!? What kind of progressive does that???

Thanks for your patience. Now back to our regularly-scheduled snark . . . .


That was the “So-and-so is a big girl” thing, wasn’t it? He’s a bit dumb.

Ah well, it’s not like it’s the only blog in the world.*

* Slight understatement.


Yep, that’s the one, jade. He’s deleted the second batch of comments on the post and is now doing a Deborah Howell.

Time to shop around for some new blogs to read (in addition to SN, of course).


“So-and-so is a big girl”

Sweet jeebus, I read that and just cringed. Well, giggled, I guess, as I thought “jeez, he’s gonna get shit on this one .. does he step away from the keyboard for even a minute before posting?”

hey darlin’ hang on I’m sending a coment to a websit .. but yeah the laether ..


damn it …

Ashamed I thought of this

“What would the girl equivalent of ‘I wouldn’t fuck him with a stolen dick’ be?

I wouldn’t fuck him with Laura’s bush.


When I look at those photos side by side, I keep thinking Hitchens will stretch the back of his shirt over his head and start screaming: “The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!”

I swear they look like ilder versions of Beavis and ButtHead.


Are you threatnening me?



Every time I look at that picture of Hitchens, it\’s like he snuck three shots in or something when I wasn\’t looking.

I\’m not fucking around, go read another site then come back to sadly no, and he looks more haggard every time.


Hanks – liver – chin + jowls + (wank)^100 = Hitch.


And I’ll bet Hanks isn’t averse to bathing on a regular basis, either.


With this haircut Tom Hanks is turning into Juliette Lewis. This isn’t the best photo to prove it, but it’s true.


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