It’s My Story And I’m Stickin’ To It


ABOVE: Mike McGowan

Shorter Mike McGowan, When Falls the Coliseum, A Journal of American Culture [or Lack Thereof]
The G-Spot: The mythical pot of gold at the end of a rainbow

  • As it turns out, the real reason why women find my lovemaking unappealing is because not a single one of them has a G-Spot like they’ve been claiming all this time. So, bitches, just STFU about your “needs” and go get me some beers! LOL.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


h/t InstaHayseed via Roy

 

Comments: 165

 
 
 

Really, women already have a magic spot you can use to give them orgasms. Asking for a second one is just selfish!

 
 

Don’t get out of the boat. That is exactly what he said. (He follows it with, “Hey, just kidding!” as if that makes it better.)

What I wonder about is what a guy’s motivation would be for posting something like this. Does he think it will enhance his chances of getting a date for next Saturday night? I’m guessing not.

 
 

I’m not getting out of the boat. This is exactly the sort of cretin that should not be common-tatin’ about sex (at least, not with humans).

Isn’t there some Star Trek convention he could be attending?
~

 
 

Shorter: I hate women.

 
 

I found his personals ad.

Well, what about your needs?

Single White Gravitationally Enhanced Male seeks female of any shape/size/species for fumbling five second dry humps followed by a long night of window-rattling snores. No whiners please.

 
 

Back in the day, men could skip foreplay and indulge in intercourse lasting all of two minutes while blaming their wives for being ‘frigid’….I miss the 50’s…

 
 

Vacuumslayer, that’s the Shorter of almost every post by every wingnut…

 
 

Scott, don’t forget the niggers, spics, heathens, homos and mooslims!

 
 

I have no idea if all women have a G-spot, and I don’t care, because all I know is that my girlfriend has one. The primary purpose of this post was to brag that I get laid.

 
 

Does this person have a vagina? I suspect he does not. Perhaps he has studied gynaecology beyond “I looked at a lady, she was hot”, but I suspect, again, that this is not the case. Therefore, his opinion is probably worth cock-all, much like the opinions of most columnists writing about stuff they have no genuine knowledge of. Which appears to be most of them.

 
 

No, I am not reading what Lardo McBullethead has to say about ladyparts. No way, no how, not if you pay me. And is he sitting in the Creation Museum in that photo?

 
 

The primary purpose of this post was to brag that I get laid.

we dont believe a word of it..

 
 

The female orgasm is a liberal plot, anyway. It’s all just a bunch of feminist propaganda to make men feel guilty and inadequate. That’s why Mr. McGowan prefers to spend his valuable time online, surfing CrocoPorn (he’s got the Gold Account). The women on that site understand him

 
 

surfing CrocoPorn

What’s that? He looks like the kind of guy who’d wear Crocs. Is that Croco Porn, or is that just disgusting?

 
 

And there’s no way I’m getting out of the boat, either. I did it with Charles Murray and it took many hot showers to make myself feel clean again.

 
 

Crocoporn. I’m almost afraid to ask. Based on the photo I assume it involves lurid photos of crockpots crammed full of beanie weanies.

 
 

Yer onna roll today, Arky!

 
Smiling Mortician
 

Something about g and not giving up the spot on the boat, or maybe the little man in the boat . . .

Well, it’s a rough draft comment. Maybe someone can revise it.

 
 

It’s probably not a good idea to include a photo with a column like this. Can’t find the G spot? Maybe it’s because he has a tiny dick that he hasn’t seen without a mirror in quite some time.

 
 

It’s pictures (and video) of people having sex with crocodiles. Duh.

 
 

The G-Spot: The mythical pot of gold at the end of a rainbow

He has pretty much guaranteed he won’t be getting any Lucky Charms anymore.

 
 

I left this in his comments:

An interesting topic coming one whose last encounter with a vagina was the day of his birth.

Let’s see how long it stays up.

What?

 
 

I was just reminded of “Wimbledon Nocturne”, a bit of sculpture that typified the style known as [url=http://www.artdreco.com/whatis.htm]Art Dreco[/url]. The entire Creation Museum looks like it may qualify, certainly if PZ Myers, or any other godless evolutionist, is romping around on the Tyrant Lizard at the time. Our friend who is unable to satisfy women might stick to saurian sculptures like those he seems to be admiring in his mug shot. I doubt women will miss him, but only know what my “girlfriends” tell me when we’re comparing the men we’ve dated. Um…size does matter, boys. Sorry.

 
 

“Art Dreco is art that shines and stinks, like a rotten mackerel by
moonlight.”
A Dreco Manifesto

That’s in case you didn’t hit the link in my previous post. [code]//www.artdreco.com/whatis.htm[/code]

 
 

Hmmm….HTML fail. I am not worthy of this site. *head hangs in shame and embarrassment*

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

This is somewhat related, I believe.

http://xkcd.com/685/

I do find it interesting that a guy who, I assume, must believe in a god-figure with no evidence, just has to believe the filthy scientists with regard to a g-spot.

 
 

Don’t get out of the boat. That is exactly what he said.

AHHH I GOT OUT OF THE BOAT AND NOW THE SHARKS OF DOUCHEBAGGERY ARE EATING ME ALIVE GOD HELP ME

 
 

Butchiepoo, use reg’lar HTML, not that puhswaydo crap you use on those fora.
fer exaple <a href = “http://foo.bar”>

 
 

And I did that with my iPhone, no less. Phpthtpht

Also FYWP. Also.

 
 

Crocoporn. I’m almost afraid to ask..

the fetish section is amazing (but illegal outside of Denmark and the Netherlands)……….

 
 

It occurs to me that reading some threads via iPhone is actually preferable to a desktop due to the added disincentive to click through as it is such a PITA.

 
 

With looks like that, he hardly needs to rely on touch to make a woman scream.

 
 

Yeech!!

He looks like a white supremacist in that picture. I wonder if his bitch sews his hoods for him?

 
The Kid from Kounty Meath
 

Ugh. This guy writes like Russ Douthat took Dr. Jekyll’s potion.

 
 

Mike // Jan 10, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Yeah, you are an abusive troll, no doubt.

Must not have checked the bio, huh?

OK so I didn’t check the bio–like who the F cares–but assuming he has a hundred kids or whatever, it only proves the prop that for every dick there’s a hole waiting to be filled, whether willingly or not.

 
 

Speaking of authorities on Teh Vagina, Michael Jackson had kids too. So…

 
 

Me thinks he doth protest a bit too loudly.

 
The Truthful Problem With That Mysterious Spot
 

How To Please Your Partner, Liberal Style: “So scientists say that, huh? But of course, sexuality is about so much more than mere mechanics, you tell me dear what turns you on all the same, and let’s nurture and share in that together regardless…”

How To Please Your Partner, Conservative Style: “So scientists say that, huh? Well, it’s settled by the almighty hand of authority then. An’ if you think that turns you on, you are plainly wrong, now shaddap an’ give me my conjugal rights!”

 
 

but assuming he has a hundred kids or whatever

Shhhh! He assumes he’s the father; no need to raise any doubts in his purty little head.

 
 

Hey McGuano, perhaps if you thought of your wife as more than a sperm depository and baby lottery you too could someday hear, “That was nice dear!” instead of the usual, “You done?”

 
A Second Non-Lester The Giant Ape
 

Two observations:
first, this guy is qualified to speak on this subject only because his head looks like a dinosaur clit;
second, the G-spot is a state of mind, an accumulation of delights. It’s like humor: you get it or you don’t. Such things cain’t be descried from book larnin’.

If I had a third point, it would be that I have a cock the size of a can of Foster’s Lager.

 
 

I have never had a G spot orgasm, but I have been right there when they happened, so there is no use telling me it doesn’t exist.

BTW, female ejaculation exists, too.

 
 

That background looks like a diorama at the Creationist Museum — a wider shot would show Adam and Eve riding Triceratops.

So to speak.

 
 

McGowan*? Beer? References to Irish mythology**?

This post is really a secret plot to make me want to listen to the Pogues.

* or “MacGowan”
** one of Shane MacGowan’s solo albums is, in fact, The Crock of Gold

 
 

It’s pictures (and video) of people having sex with crocodiles.
That’s not porn, that’s Erotic Art.

 
 

My Mother always said it’s a man’s world. A fat, bald, self-professed redneck with bad facial hair says he’s a single father.

Which means he’s done it.

At least once.

Wif a lady…

I have to go throw up now.

 
 

The female orgasm is a liberal plot, anyway.

These “liberals” sound awesome. Got a username/password for their site?

 
 

“This is by far the biggest study ever carried out and it shows fairly conclusively that the idea of a G-spot is subjective.”

While the penis is clearly objective. Men win again!

 
 

Damn. There’s a “little man in the boat” joke here somewhere.

Also, yeah dude, it’s all just play-doh and bacon, huh?

 
 

Nope, not gonna leave the boat, you can’t make me. One question though, and it goes right to his expertise on the matter:

Does he mention “up on the backstroke?”

 
 

The comments over there rock, especially this one

An interesting topic coming one whose last encounter with a vagina was the day of his birth.

 
 

Goddamnit Smiley I was gonna post a throwaway like “me & the little man are gonna just stay in the goddamn boat” but no. Now I gotta come up with something better or stay home.

So um…I’m staying home. Kind of.

Just one comment – By report and IME human female sexual response is quite variable. Anybody who hopes to apply the same method(s) to every partner is doomed to disappointment. Or rather, doomed to disappoint.

And “researchers” can go fuck themselves. Too. Reports from actual women are insufficient to establish the existence of a “g spot”. Jesus Christ.

 
 

He’s one hideously ugly sumbitch.

 
 

Maybe it’s because he has a tiny dick that he hasn’t seen without a mirror in quite some time.

According to that photo, he hasn’t used a mirror on any other part – such as his reflection. Oh, and Mike? You gotta be able to make conversation with a girl before she’ll let you confirm the latest science on g-spot theory. Or do you still live in your Mom’s basement?

 
 

This just in:

I suck!

 
 

It’s not just that he’s uh, attractiveness-challenged, he’s also gullible:

In an attempt to study to G-spot empirically yet “safely” (given the testy political climate for sex researchers), a group of British researchers decided to investigate the question by …

* Observing women having penetrative sex?
* Asking women to keep detailed sex journals?
* Giving women physical exams looking for variations in vaginal interiors?
* Asking women to test for themselves the area known as a G-spot, and report back to researchers?
* Investigating a possible relationship between women’s level of curiosity and openness to sexual pleasure, and their understanding of their “G-spot”?

No. The researchers simply created a survey and asked a bunch of female twins if they “believed” they had a “so called G-spot.” Guess what they found?

They found that 56 percent of respondents answered “yes” and that there was no genetic correlation.

To translate: by “genetic correlation” researchers simply mean that identical twins didn’t give the same answer to the question of whether or not they believed in a “so called G-spot.” (Even though this could simply mean that these twins haven’t had exactly the same sexual partners, exactly the same sexual experiences, and exactly the same sexual education).

I would also like to note my disappointment that “sex researcher” was not one of the career paths they told us about in high school.

 
 

“French researchers Odile Buisson and Pierre Foldès did ultrasounds of a small number of women having intercourse with men. By looking at the changes in the vagina, the researchers found physiological evidence of the G-spot. This study is under review at the Journal of Sexual Medicine…”

Now I really, really hate that stupid guidance councilor.

 
 

My ‘values’ vote:

Twin studies, goooooooooooood.
Mike Mc, not good.

 
 

I think I know which group of eminent scientists conducted this “research”

 
 

I think I know which group of eminent scientists conducted this “research”

Isn’t that Mikey on the right?

 
 

My Story And I’m Stickin’ To It

ew

 
 

Play-Doh & Bacon Bourbon.

Doesn’t sound as bad as bacon vodka, somehow, but that’s not saying much.

 
 

I think I know which group of eminent scientists conducted this “research”

No, you’re mistaking Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.

 
 

“How many man hours have been wasted in the bedrooms of America trying to find the product of some woman’s flight of fancy about her super-heroine, realistic-karate-chop-like-action orgasmic abilities?”

I think the whole orgasm thing is lost on this guy.

 
 

“wasted man hours”? Imagine how the women felt.

 
 

super-heroine, realistic-karate-chop-like-action orgasmic abilities

Dude it’s true, your mom is pretty awesome.

 
 

Which means he’s done it.

At least once.

Wif a lady…

Not for the first time do I feel immense pity for women as a gender (the straight ones, anyway). I would rather be mounted by a gargoyle than pretty much all the men in the world, and that includes the good looking ones.

 
 

Isn’t the G-spot where folks go to get their
gubmnint check? Which is Mike is totally not receiving. Also.

 
 

mounted by a gargoyle

one cathedral’s story of a passionate encounter

 
 

So when she looks up and says “Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige” isn’t an orgasm?

 
 

So when she looks up and says “Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige” isn’t an orgasm?

Well, at least she’s awake. That sounds like a good night for Mike.

 
 

“How many times have men been blamed for failing to satisfy their woman when it isn’t their fault, but basic human physiology’s?”

Whose physiology is he talking about? Hers or his?
In any case, sounds like Mr McGowan has heard it many times. Sad day for somebody.

I have a feeling, from the pic and the blog post, that McGowan is right about “it isn’t her fault”, at least most of the time.

I, heh-heh, assumed for a long time that all women had multiple orgasms in bed, but maybe that is just me… ahem..

 
 

No, you’re mistaking Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.

Isn’t that Mike Huckabee presiding?

 
 

So when she looks up and says “Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige” isn’t an orgasm?

No, only if she drops her Emery Board.

 
Suffering from a Chronic Gin Deficiency
 

I ask this as one who is going bald at a pretty good clip, yet never sported any form of organized facial hair, and who also realizes the plural of “anecdote” isn’t “data.”

Why is it that every bald or balding man I see has facial hair? Do they think facial skin is a zero-sum game, and covering it at the bottom makes up for it’s expansion to the north (as it were)?

 
 

Following through the clicks on the original post about the doctor whose elective surgeries cause women to have “orgasms” from bumps in the road:

The G-Shot® is an office based procedure (lunch time procedure which takes less than 15 minutes from start to finish) that augments the G-Spot resulting in enhanced sexual arousal and sexual gratification for 87% of normal sexually functioning women.

Huzzah!

 
 

Which means he’s done it.

At least once.

Wif a lady…

To quote Eddie Murphy,

“The generosity of women never ceases to amaze me.”

 
 

He has no concept of what sex is that he hasn’t paid for.

 
 

The only drawback to Trusting The Shorter™ (BTW, if anything the Shorter is actually making Mike McGowan sound less like a totally dork) is that you miss the opportunity for the scond clickthrough.

“The biggest problem with their findings is that twins don’t generally have the same sexual partner,” said Whipple.

Well, for the sake of SCIENCE, I’ll volunteer my services.

 
 

“The biggest problem with their findings is that twins don’t generally have the same sexual partner,” said Whipple.

So the guy who used to squeeze the Charmin is now doing sex research with twins? It’s an amazing world I tell ya.

 
 

No, only if she drops her Emery Board.

And it only counts as “making noise” if she is NOT talking on her phone about ceiling colors.

 
 

I got off the boat and wandered over to Mike’s fine post and now it appears that the founder of the web site Mikey writes for has shown up in comments to defend him. It’s kinda cute.

 
 

MM/DD/YY

01/11/10

 
 

It’s kinda cute.

It’s like he came over and said, “uh, people, come on, that’s not a hole Mike has dug himself into, it’s a bunker without a roof. Get with the programme okay, and come enjoy mah awesome website!”

 
 

MM/DD/YY

01/11/10

Happy Palindrome Day!

 
 

Ehhh, sorry but The Shorter is kind of unfair. Mr. Mike was joking, in a dumbbell, embarrassing-relative sort of way. Lay off the retarded kids, S,N!

 
 

Lay off the retarded kids, S,N!

And do what?

 
 

If you click through the link to alicublog, you will learn — many people no doubt knew this, but I didn’t — that Michael Moriarty is absolutely, certifiably batshit insane. He has a post up at Breitblart in which he demonstrates that Casablanca is Commie propaganda. Victor Laszlo and Ilsa fly off at the end, with Bogart’s blessing, to revolutionize South America.

 
 

Mr. Mike was joking…

Mike R doing it rong.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Ah, I love wingnuts. A theory that is supported by the majority of scientists and is backed up with massive amounts of data (evolution and/or anthropogenic climate change–take your pick) is ZOMG tewtally a liebrul plot, but some British dudes* talk to a few twins about their g-spots and it totally PROVES that women are fucking liars about their own bodies.

*They may not have all been dudes. I can’t be arsed to look, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

PS–Many women do not have g-spots, but if you dismiss the possibility of them existing period, you are likely missing out on a lot of fun for all parties involved. That is all.

 
 

McGowan:

How many times have men been blamed for failing to satisfy their woman when it isn’t their fault, but basic human physiology’s?

Reality:

How many times am I going to be laughed at for having a dick too small to satisfy a woman?

I almost pity guys like McMicrophallus.

Almost.

 
The Ladyparts Detective
 

I was sitting in my cold office, a half pint of rye warming my insides, when she came through the door. “I want you to find my gee spot” she said with voice as mellow as a banana smoothie. “It could cost you a couple of cee notes.” I informed her of my fee. When she sat I got a good look at her knee. “That’s okay with mee” she replied. I told I would need a urine specimen and handed her a cup for pee. She asked where the facility was for her to take a wee. “Down the hall on your left, you can’t miss it” I said that she would see.

 
 

Sure, the g-spot can be a lot of fun for all parties involved, but the g-whiz spot…the fun goes up to eleven! Skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight! Purple haze and ride a panted pony let the spinning wheel spin! And sometimes even, a second date!!!

 
 

There are second dates?

 
 

Snub Skeptics-Above’s Variable Martian Pancakes

Ingredients:
1 martian
7 ounces American cheese
1 Stilton cheese
3 bags bearhound carapace
5 bunches cinnamon
1 ounce jasmine

Sacrifice a nearby milkfish or a creature of similar size. Discard remains furtively. Place the martian into a small bowl. Use a food processor to combine the Stilton cheese with the American cheese. Pour resulting potion over the martian. Find some lemon juice and drink it. Saute – very huggingly – the bearhound carapace, cinnamon, and the jasmine. Pile the latter combination on to the former. Leave raw. Serves 5 friends with shattered stomachs.

 
 

Scott Johnson is making fun of Peter Orszag’s hair. Yes, the guy in the middle in this picture is making fun of someone else’s hair.

 
 

I cannot express how much I am enjoying posters taking him apart on that page.

 
Faustian Bargain Bin
 

Women may not have G-spots actually, but the clitoris is a lot bigger than most people think it is. (Internal PENIS reference!)

Not for the first time do I feel immense pity for women as a gender (the straight ones, anyway). I would rather be mounted by a gargoyle than pretty much all the men in the world, and that includes the good looking ones.

Funny thing, Nom, some of us like men. Even some men like men. (Parse that!) I personally don’t really see how women are ever so much more pretty than men; I think both can be pretty, but there are a hell of a lot of really pretty men out there, and a hell of a lot of weird-looking women. It’s actually kind of insulting — not to mention tiring already — to be told (over and over and over again) by myopic straight guys that we (those of us who are sexually attracted to men) have something wrong with us, because we obviously can’t see that TEH MENZ ARE TEH OOGLY or something. Jesus. Call me the most humourless feminist in all of Laughlessburg if you want, but I seriously blame the patriarchy, because dangling women out there constantly as objects of beauty and desire, while completely ignoring men as possible objects of beauty and desire, has done something bad to y’all’s brains and atrophied half of your senses of aesthetics.

That said, everybody’s genitalia is weird-looking, but fun to play with, which is really the part that counts.

 
The Goddamn Batman Goes Where No Man Has Gone Before--Just Ask The Catwoman
 

Isn’t there some Star Trek convention he could be attending?

Hey, hey! Don’t harsh on the Trekkies, yo, by associating them with this cheesedick. Lots of after-hour action at Star Trek cons, as the existence of Klingon weddings should tell you.

 
 

Current masthead Seinfeld quote: “Ya know, why don’t you open those pants, it’s gonna be a lot easier that way.”

 
 

I don’t know if a G-spot exists but women certainly seem to enjoy when you try to find it. Especially when you use your tongue.

Palindrome: Do geese see god

Steve Jobs quote: My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.

 
 

And just because you have kids doesn’t mean you have had sex. It just means your wife has.

 
 

*They may not have all been dudes. I can’t be arsed to look, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Andrea Burri, who led the research, said she was anxious to remove feelings of “inadequacy or underachievement” that might affect women who feared they lacked a G-spot.

Possession of a vagina does not necessarily impart knowledge of ladyparts or functionality thereof. In fact, judging by the general level of understanding that most men have of PENIS, having certain genitals may well be an impediment to understanding them.

 
 

Scott Johnson is making fun of Peter Orszag’s hair.

Aside from the unintended irony, this is funny how?

The teachable moment from the Orszag non-story is that he had a kid… with one of the wealthiest heiresses on the planet. I mean, that’s proof that he’s a shit-hot economist, thinking it all through like that.

 
 

How many times have men been blamed for failing to satisfy their woman when it isn’t their fault, but basic human physiology’s?

You know, nearly all women can have orgasms whether they have/find their g-spots or not, so it’s still not not “basic human physiology’s” fault.

 
 

judging by the general level of understanding that most men have of PENIS, having certain genitals may well be an impediment to understanding them.

This is why most penises have minds of their own.
Mine also happens to have its own ribcage, as well, but that’s a different boast.

 
 

Ooops. I was going to say something funny but I forgot it and my fangers broke free from my brane.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
January 11, 2010 at 19:05

I apologize to all my male-parted fellow human beings.

And actually, the purpose of the study is good. It’s just the interpretation of it that’s dumb. (See above, obviously).

 
 

This is why most penises have minds of their own.

The word “mind” implies thinking. Not so sure that applies.

Kinda like my fangers just then.

 
 

I was going to say something funny but I forgot it and my fangers broke free from my brane.

Happens to me all the time. That hilariously funny thing you didn’t see me think or write down? Tons of the stuff.

 
 

Aaaaaand, Sarah Palin’s signed on to Fox news.

I can’t help but think she will self-immolate often enough to actually hurt her image. But, then again, apparently Ollie North didn’t so getting one’s hopes up may be foolish, I suppose.

 
 

OK, maybe it doesn’t have a “mind”, exactly, but it certainly has a memory!

 
 

…and a ribcage.
and a driver’s license.
and an agenda.
and maybe it is all of 4 1/2 inches, but some women like it that thick!

 
 

…the purpose of the study is good
Dunno.

Anywho, I’m just opening my yap again to provide a link to the actual paper itself. And also to increase the number of comments I’ve made in this thread without referencing

 
 

and a driver’s license.

Long haul, big rig license, no doubt.

None.

 
 

Whoah, doing some more reading – that paper is the over-arching twin-study questionnaire doodah ding dong. The G-spot question looks to be a follow-up on it.

IOW, you can label me as yet another dude who’s thought he’s found the G-spot paper when he’s come across the generic female orgasm paper.

 
 

The science behind this study have been confirmed by Dr. M. McGowan’s own independent research (n = 1, p = 1.0).

In his bio, he says ” He goes on constantly about the fact that slavery is a 100% income tax rate.” I shit you not.

 
 

Funny thing, Nom, some of us like men.

Relax, Faust, my attitude is “Thank God someone likes men”. Believe me, I’m grateful for it.

 
 

Ms. Palin will not have her own regular program, one person familiar with the deal said, though she will host an occasional series that will run on the network from time to time.

Well, maybe a couple of years in the studio will give her some polish, but I seriously wonder about her ability to “host” anything, because wouldn’t that mean allowing the focus to be put on her guests, rather than herself?

 
 

IOW, you can label me as yet another dude who’s thought he’s found the G-spot paper when he’s come across the generic female orgasm paper.

Yeah, well, you and your generic paper should GET A ROOM.

 
 

The teachable moment from the Orszag non-story is that he had a kid… with one of the wealthiest heiresses on the planet. I mean, that’s proof that he’s a shit-hot economist, thinking it all through like that.

Read all about it in his new paper, Pareto-Optimal Baby Mama Selection: Theory and Practice.

 
 

“Thank God someone likes men”.

Whenever someone makes a homophobic remark within earshot I always tell them, “In a perfect world, from my point of view, all the men but me and all the ugly women would be gay.”

 
 

Ingredients:
1 martian

Does it have to be a Martian or would two Venusians do the trick?

 
 

“In a perfect world, from my point of view, all the men but me and all the ugly women would be gay.”

From my point of view, who cares about the women?

 
 

Scott Johnson is making fun of Peter Orszag’s hair.

Aside from the unintended irony, this is funny how?

Scott Johnson is a one-man survey course in unintended irony.

He criticizes Peter Orszag’s hairpiece even though his own mop is disgusting.

He castigates others for literary pretensions, but he can’t write a post about mortgages without quoting Plato.

He’s quick to call others stupid, but there’s no one on the internet whose confidence so drastically outweighs his intelligence.

He hates multiculturism despite being a Jew.

He recently highlighted Glenn Reynolds calling Andrew Sullivan a “bad writer” and called attention to his own post criticizing Sullivan. It’s Johnson’s favorite of his posts of 2009. Sadly, No took it apart quite deftly back when it was first posted and is full of Johnson’s own terrible writing.

Etc.

 
 

Does it have to be a Martian or would two Venusians do the trick?

Look, do you wanna make Snub Skeptics-Above’s Variable Martian Pancakes or McDonald’s Martian Pancakes? You can take this seriously or not, your choice.

 
 

Well, they are advertised as Variable Martian Pancakes.

 
 

I seriously wonder about [Palin’s] ability to “host” anything

There are plenty of parasites that would love to make her acquaintance. Some slither, some are microscopic, some are teabaggers.

 
 

…another dude who’s thought he’s found the G-spot paper when he’s come across the generic female orgasm paper.

I think I saw that on RedTube.

 
 

It’s just that Martians are hard to get in New Orleans and Venusians are all over the place. Has something to do with the humidity and the accordions, oddly enough.

 
 

Well, they are advertised as Variable Martian Pancakes.

It’s not enough to replace the bearhound carapace with antelope tentacles? Why not say all recipes are macaroni and cheese but varied?

 
 

Well, maybe a couple of years in the studio will give her some polish, but I seriously wonder about her ability to “host” anything, because wouldn’t that mean allowing the focus to be put on her guests, rather than herself?

Hasn’t hurt Hannity’s career. This is Fox we’re talking about.

 
 

Hasn’t hurt Hannity’s career. This is Fox we’re talking about.

yes, but even Hannity has to actually ask his guest about what THEY want to say.

What’s Palin going to do, ask them what they think about her?

“Enough about me, Vice President Cheney. Let’s talk about you. What do YOU think of me?”

 
 

Does it have to be a Martian or would two Venusians do the trick?

Two Venusians will do in a pinch, but I would then highly recomend adding a cup of rendered Martian fat. Otherwise the texture of the bearhound carapace can be a little off putting.

 
 

“Enough about me, Vice President Cheney. Let’s talk about you. What do YOU think of me?”

That would be fun, actually. Maybe he’d tell her to go fuck herself.

 
 

And once again, the shorter is if anything an understatement that, if anything, is actually more moderate and reasonable than the post.

Wooooooooooooooo.

 
 

“The biggest problem with their findings is that twins don’t generally have the same sexual partner,” said Whipple.
When I do a twin study I control all the variables.

ride a panted pony
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THAT PONY?!

and a driver’s license.
My penis doesn’t drive, but it has a pensioner’s card for free travel on the bus.

 
 

But as for G-spots, there are some things you need not question. It’s like trying to prove that it’s impossible for a bumblebee to fly. It flies, and that’s good enough for me.

 
 

“Enough about me, Vice President Cheney. Let’s talk about you. What do YOU think of me?”

That would be fun, actually. Maybe he’d tell her to go fuck herself.

Fortunately for Sarah, Carrie Prejean has put out a wonderful instructional video on just how to to that.

 
 

Fortunately for Sarah, Carrie Prejean has put out a wonderful instructional video on just how to to that.

A splendid opportunity to bring the discussion back to the original topic. I’ll leave it to someone ruder than me.

 
 

#

J Neo Marvin said,

January 11, 2010 at 21:05 (kill)

Fortunately for Sarah, Carrie Prejean has put out a wonderful instructional video on just how to to that.

A splendid opportunity to bring the discussion back to the original topic. I’ll leave it to someone ruder than me.

I don’t kow about that, but I bet she could show Mr. McGowan a thing or two.

 
 

“MM/DD/YY

01/11/10

Happy Palindrome Day!”

—————————————————————————————–

POOP

 
 

My first reaction to the above was, “What’s Shane have to do with this? Granted, he is rude, but…” Then I remembered that was the corpulent, smug fellow’s last name.

 
 

So scientists asked groups of twins if they had a g-spot? I would say their methodology wasn’t up to the task.

Mrs. has a spot where I can ring her bell continuously. In order to prevent confusion with the letter G, I’ll call it the ‘O-spot’. So there is something “there”.

No, I’m not inviting any scientists in for a look-see.

 
 

It’s just that Martians are hard to get in New Orleans and Venusians are all over the place. Has something to do with the humidity and the accordions, oddly enough.

Everyone knows that Des Moines is where the landing strips for gay Martians are.

 
 

PENISed vs. non-PENISed persons, according to google.

 
 

It is the most frightening visual to imagine that blivet rooting around for a g spot.

 
 

“In a perfect world, from my point of view, all the men but me and all the ugly women would be gay.”

That would improve my odds, but also reduce the chance that a guy who is drastically more attractive than I am will be forced to settle. I think I’ll stick with, “I wish I were the hottest thing alive or recently deceased.” Much simpler.

 
 

Yes, the fact that this bowling-ball-headed lump of crudpaste can’t get a woman excited has NOTHING to do with his utter lack of physical or personal appeal.

 
 

PS, I would LOVE to sit in a room with this Huttese fool and listen to him bitch about this topic. Because verbally tearing him down would be glorious. I’d start with rice dick and work my way down to loser, emotional failure, and all-around totally incompetent and incapable lover.

PPS — I know where the G spot is.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Just one comment – By report and IME human female sexual response is quite variable.

Did somebody say Human Sexual Response?

Anybody who hopes to apply the same method(s) to every partner is doomed to disappointment. Or rather, doomed to disappoint.

But, but that would require *gasp* honest open communication!!

“How many man hours have been wasted in the bedrooms of America trying to find the product of some woman’s flight of fancy about her super-heroine, realistic-karate-chop-like-action orgasmic abilities?”

Wasted man hours? So, he don’t like fore- and afterplay, or sustaining intimacy with his wife? I imagine he’s got a berth in the men’s room of the local rest stop.

Why is it that every bald or balding man I see has facial hair?

Well, for the record, this bastard has adhered to the “Law of Conservation of Hair” by becoming a silverback!

 
 

Well now I just went over there and started reading that there report, and goddamn did it piss me off. Just the idea that it’s now officially a dis-fucking-order if a woman “fails” to achieve orgasm after “sufficient” sexual stimulation. What the fuck is sufficient, exactly? Can this be quantified into a disorder?

I’ll buy this disorder: being sufficiently buffaloed by societal & sexual expectations to be distressed by your “failure” to achieve orgasm.

Grrr.

 
 

brovis over at Mike’s gets right to the point.

#
brovis // Jan 11, 2010 at 7:07 am

you are fat & bald & don’t know how to satisfy a woman

 
 

Oh, this is beaauuuutiful

#
Kathy Shaidle // Jan 11, 2010 at 5:52 pm

Hang in there Mike, and keep fighting the good fight. I, for one, completely “got” your joke…too bad the prissy little liberal fembots don’t have the nutsacks to grasp ‘em firmly in hand.

Kathy Shaidle, the right wing nut job from Canada who, like K-Lo, hasn’t had sex yet.

 
 

being sufficiently buffaloed by societal & sexual expectations to be distressed by your “failure” to achieve orgasm

or BFD for short
Buffaloed Female Disorder

 
 

too bad the prissy little liberal fembots don’t have the nutsacks to grasp ‘em firmly in hand.

Where I come from we would called the benutsacked ones manbots, but whatever fries her bacon.

 
The Goddamn Batman Can Verify That Squirrel Girl Has Some Mighty Impressive Nutsacks, But She Is, After All, A Mutant
 

Five Feet of Fitful Fretting and Frothing would probably insist that by “fembots” she meant “men emasculated by feminism”, and by “emasculated by feminism” she really means “horrified by Shaidle’s existence.”

 
 

Please continue to have Fat Mike as a target of jocularity at SN! His pathetic responses to posters are fuckin’ great.

 
 

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