Analyze The Upside Down Penis Growing Out Of Glenn Reynolds’ Upper Thigh

Courtesy of DougJ at Balloon Juice, we learn of important new research into Glenn Reynolds’ body language as displayed in publicly available photos on the Internet. Analyze Glenn Reynolds’ Body Language presents us with the below photo of a curiously diagonal Ol’ Perfesser, which it describes as ‘A damning visual metaphor for wingnut welfare.’

Point well taken, but we couldn’t help but notice something else about this picture of Reynolds, whom you will note is rarely photographed from the waist down — apparently there is a good reason for this, as our blow-up of the relevant section of the image shows:

Commenters at Analyze Glenn Reynolds’ Body Language wonder why he’s leaning to the right in this photo … the obvious explanation being a subtle expression of Reynolds’ political sympathies. But we think this new revelation that Glenn Reynolds has a permanently erect, massive, cockeyed schlong rooted in the inner portion of his upper left thigh offers a simpler explanation — that in order to perform the simple act of pissing straight, the Ol’ Perfesser must tilt his body at a generous angle to compensate for the skewed outgrowth of his monstrous mutant genitalia.

And we ask — is this really the sort of person America wants educating her next generation of lawyers and judges?

 

Comments: 222

 
 
 

is this really the sort of person America wants educating her

yes I said yes I will Yes

 
 

Is he in a high wind?

 
 

I’m glad The Daily Show and Colbert are back from vacation tonight, and I hope they bring up this ridiculous photo brouhaha.

 
 

“educating her next generation of lawyers and judges” ?

Much less being in the general vicinity of children. Aren’t there zoning laws that cover this sort of thing? If not, there should be.

 
 

Pfft – he looks like the second runner up in a Bill Gates lookalike contest, minus the money and charm.

As for that “penis” – it’s actually a roll of pennies.

 
 

Maybe there really is something to the old saying “Is that a gun in your pocket….”

 
 

I think it’s a corndog.

 
 

Actually, I think Ann Coulter is standing sideways, fishing in his pocket for a tip.

 
 

Wait…is he really trying to pass off a three button suit jacket as some kind of casual wear?

 
 

“…fishing in his pocket for a tip.”

Obvious lie. No wingnut welfare recipient would ever offer a tip.

 
 

Well, see, that’s my point, Chowder. She had to go find it.

 
 

….fishing in his pocket for a tip.fishing in his pocket for a tip.

Which he then promptly pretends to give to the beggar outside, so he can leave a smug letter to the waitress about Obama or something, right?

 
 

It’s leftovers from his lunch; A big ol’ bag of dicks.

 
 

A cucumber wrapped in tin foil.

 
 

I GOT IT!

Dr Mrs Perfessor Instaputz made him carry her toys as punishment.

 
 

Suit jacket, polo shirt, jeans, probably some Nikes… Business casual for the tragically self-unaware.

 
 

Penis? Sadly, no. Actor’s on the right track: we’re dealing with a Republican, and therefore, it’s a dildo.

Must I point out the obvious?

 
 

Apparantly one of our trolls decided to take on the WaPo and got a bag of dicks for his troubles.

 
 

I think it’s a corndog.

Hinderaker was wondering where that went.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

That site is such a brilliant way to start the year.

I remember the good old days, back in late ’08, when people actually discussed the possiblity that we could just ignore the crazies, and some even speculated that we had seen “peak wingnut”, such optimistic times.

 
 

Also, this looks like the cover to the worst-selling album of the 70’s.

 
 

That’s known as the “gangsta lean.”

 
The Tragically Flip
 

(adding, I know Cole retracted the peak wingnut thing immediately, and I’m not picking on him, but it is amusing that it was even plausible to speculate on some pinnacle of right wing crazy, as if it was not a renewable resource).

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Are those jeans *gulp* ACID WASHED?

 
 

Wingnut is the Cold Fusion of the Internets.

 
 

I’m pretty sure that’s a dildo there.

The wetsuits are out in the car.

 
 

Also, this looks like the cover to the worst-selling album of the 70’s.

Right. Now we have to come up with an artist of such resounding treacly inaninity and fulsome self-indulgence that this would fit.

We may have to make up a name.

I vote for Kenny G. Fogelgates

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

Trust me on this one. That is a kickstand.

 
 

Walter Ego.

Seales and Crayolas.

 
 

God, you guys are juvenile, immature and offensive. Keep up the great work.

 
 

Hall and Flock of Sea-Oates

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

A friend of mine had him as a professor pre-Instapundit days and said he was actually a very good teacher. He was also very understanding of her situation as the mother of newborn twins. This actually disappointed me, because it’s much easier to mock him while thinking that he’s an irredeemable asshole.

Then again, I’m sure Hitler was nice to the mother of newborn twins from time to time.

 
 

Glenn Reynolds working on sound

….by putting a CD in the optical drive…*snark*

 
 

Superchump

Cheap Dick

 
 

Apparantly one of our trolls decided to take on the WaPo and got a bag of dicks for his troubles.

Wow! That there is some class troll-busting.

 
 

Sessions presents:
Glenn Reynolds sings 16 mellow hits including:

“Steal Away”
“Ride Like the Wind”
“Baby Come Back”
“This is It”
“I Keep Forgetting”
“Africa”
“Kiss On My List”
“Hey Nineteen”
“I’m Not In Love”
“Summer Breeze”

his original “Heh, Indeed, Baby”

And many many more

 
 

Steely Duh

 
 

ZZ Schlock

*GASP*

This is…is…so full of win!

 
Progressive Center Left Grrl Voice of Truth
 

For the love of dog, do not scroll down to the last picture on that blog.

 
 

There’s a huge dick attached to that mediocre penis…

 
 

Christopher Crass

Frankie Goes To Dollywood (OK, it’s the 80s, but still…)

Bay City Trollers

Starlite Vocal Bland

 
 

Could it be a roll of onion rings in his pocket?

 
 

Richard Hugger pants are so 5 minutes ago.

 
 

Also, Glenn’s prog-rock band would be ‘No’

 
 

Little Fibber Band

 
Malfunctioning Glenn Reynolds Boogie Machine
 

Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you? Heh. Indeed. More than a feeling! Listen to the whole thing. I’m all out of love! What am I without you?

 
 

Pryx or possibly Stynx

 
 

Glenn Reynolds would probably be the first and only act ever to release their albums straight to K-Tel Records.

 
 

Iggy Poop.

Earth, Wind and Cheetos.

 
 

Bob Saget and the Silver Bullshit Band

 
 

The Indeedie Brothers

 
 

Poor Glenn. Can’t even don a buttplug harness without fucking it up.

 
 

He’s pitchin’ a wang-dang-doodle!

 
 

The Doodie Brother

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

Art Blartfunkle

 
 

Give me a second…

Ummm….

The Marshall Sucker Band?

That’s kind of lame, actually…

Ted Nugent. No revisions necessary.

 
 

Captain and U*Tenn*ile (Captain not pictured)

 
 

Blue Oyster Cu–

No, that would insult our vaginally-enhanced sisteren…

 
 

England Pram and John Ford Colic

 
 

Ted Nugent. No revisions necessary.”

FTW

 
 

Ted Nougat

 
 

The Grateful Dud

 
 

that would insult our vaginally-enhanced sisteren…

Not if you say it with an accent.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

The Go Go Galts

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

The Drive-By Suckers

 
 

Glenny G.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Tool and the Gang

 
 

I like this better than yarn/knitting puns, I must say

 
The Tragically Flip
 

KC and the moonshine band

 
 

“Tool and the Gang”… That one was pretty good!

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

Electric Fright Orchestra

 
The Tragically Flip
 

The Reach Boys

 
The Tragically Flip
 

good list of 70s bands, so others more clever than I can play along

 
 

Average Redneck Band

Blue Prairie Oyster Cult

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

Little Drivel Band

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Petty Tom and the Mirrorbreakers

 
 

Dopie Gray

KansASS

Dr Kook and the Medicine Band

 
 

Moxy Music

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

Bozo Scaggs

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Pant Loaf

 
 

Jefferson Starshit

 
The Tragically Flip
 

ZZ Fop

 
 

LOL, actor! That’s looking like a possible winner.

 
 

Generation Blecch.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Sophist glibertarian randroid and the IGMFYJ smug fucking assholes

 
 

FAIL Collins.

 
 

Furry Part Convention

 
 

King Crumb’s Son

 
 

Two Dong Night

 
 

The Brothers Glib

 
 

Ooh, that one took a bit of thought, PeeJ. (I’m out of original ideas, so I have devolved into pithy commentary.)

 
 

Dodo

 
 

You’re A Heap of Shit.

 
 

The New York Dulls

 
 

The Ides Of Muck

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Pryx

 
 

Brewer and Shitley

 
 

Norman Fell and the Randroids

 
 

Velveeta Underground

 
 

Soggy Balldust and the Spiders from Knoxville

 
 

Emerson, Lake and Hairy Palmer

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Girth, Wind and Fire

 
 

Naughty Company

 
 

Mott the Stupulle

 
 

the Ol’ Perfesser must tilt his body at a generous angle to compensate for the skewed outgrowth of his monstrous mutant genitalia.

Nah. It’s because he was born with his scrotum on the bottom of his left foot.

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

War ’nuff said.

 
 

Wrong Chung

The Commode-doors

Bland Junk Railroad

Love and Assrockets

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Bland Junk Railroad

Rand Junk Railroad

 
 

Bachmann Kerner Overdrive

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

Paul McBlartny and Wingnuts

 
 

Three Dog Whistle Night

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

Writers Of The Purple Prose

 
 

Burning Sensations

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Electric Right Orchestra

Tool and the Wang

Rush

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

The Puleeze

 
Physical Educator NIck Saban
 

Cubic zirconia in the back. Moon roof top. Heh-indeedin’ the scene with the wanksta lean.

 
Motorcycle Mechanic
 

Foreigner ’nuff said.

 
 

REO Crapwagon

 
 

REO Crapwagon

That should have been the actual name of that particular band, for the truthfullness.

 
Physical Educator NIck Saban
 

Really, though, you gotta celebrate Glenn Reynolds’ whole catalog. From his start as a member of Tower of Powerline, to the glam rock of his remarkable debut Out With R.E.N.E.W., In With Reynolds (a concept album about a battle between an intergalactic ACORN-like organization and Reynolds’ alter-ego “Guitarzilla”), to his recent forays into clubland, such as his single Stock Blockin’ Beats (NYSE 2B Naughty Barackolypse Remix) off of This is Heh-core vol 6, it’s all good.

 
 

Below Average White Band

 
 

I think the word bromance is so passe. We are two men who happen to be roommates who wrestle a lot and share a bed.

 
 

Pretty much this entire thread is NSFW.

 
 

Lynard Retard FTW.

 
 

were you alluding to the Caustic albums ‘cock blockin beats’ and ‘this is jizzcore’?

 
 

“A friend of mine had him as a professor pre-Instapundit days and said he was actually a very good teacher. He was also very understanding of her situation as the mother of newborn twins. This actually disappointed me, because it’s much easier to mock him while thinking that he’s an irredeemable asshole.”

Plenty of publically horrible people are nice when the cameras are off and when they aren’t exercising their power. Doesn’t make them not douches on the whole.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Hehwind

 
 

Right. Now we have to come up with an artist of such resounding treacly inaninity and fulsome self-indulgence that this would fit.

Doctor BLT.

 
 

Headbig and the Angry Inch

 
 

You know who else was quite charming when the cameras were off?

 
 

The Dopey Brothers

 
 

You know who else was quite charming when the cameras were off?

Wangchuck’s mom?

 
 

“I’m Not In Love”

Hey, 10CC were a very subversive set of talented alt-pop meisters. After all they took their name from the average amount of male ejaculate….

 
 

Heh.

Duh-Oh

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The Sex with Robots Pistols

 
 

REO Hehindeedwagon

 
 

The Armchair Femmes

Bruce Yellowsteen and The Penis Street Band

 
 

Oh crap, that should have been Bruce YellowSTAIN…

Obviously.

 
 

Shouldn’t that be “Bruce Yellowstain…”?

 
 

Damn. It’s as if you ate my BRANE…

 
 

Revolting Cock

 
 

Which leads me to…

…Bad Brain

Just drop the final “s” and no further changes needed.

 
 

And leads me further to:

Living Choler

 
 

Architect Zombies are the fastest, Jennifer…

Or so Mrs. Zombee says.

 
 

I’m an architect too, yannow…

 
 

Geneshit.

 
 

That’s just a cigar in his pocket.

 
 

See, many of these bands that you are all riffing on are not, technically speaking, of the 70’s genre. All of you have gone and made a MOCKERY of this entire thread! Ruined it for everyone….

The J. Piles Band.

 
 

Motordickhead

 
 

Skink Floyd

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Libertarian Creed.

As an uninteresting aside, I’m trying to comment from a Wii.

 
 

Commander Codpiece and his Lost Planet Airheads.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Teh Notorious B.I.G.O.T.

 
 

not, technically speaking, of the 70’s

steppondick?

 
 

Cheap Dick

 
 

The Boors
A Taste of Money
The Bee Jays

 
 

I’d make a comment about Jennifer and/or her mother, but it took me 5 minutes to get something into the url thingy – it’s gonna take hours to figure out talics

 
 

Dr. Helen and teh ME-dicking Show

 
 

Hey, you know who ELSE commented from a Wii?

YOUR MOTHER.

 
 

I’m an architect too, yannow…

But not a Zombee, unless you’re all incognito and shit…

 
 

I never thought fiddlin’ on teh tubes “one-handed” would be so hard but the pure awesome of typing PENIS on a Wii is redundantly awesomely pure. Also.

PENIS.

 
 

Hamilton, Joe Frank and

 
 

(What’s the matter with) Kansas.

 
 

Also of note, every time teh pointer moves over a link or a key on teh screen, the Wiimote’s rumble gives you a little zzzzzz.
It’s Wii-tastically zzzzzz’ing.

Also, am going to have to spell it “the” now.us No, I did not mean tehran.

 
 

Emerson, Lake and Rosy Palmer

The Shames Gang

 
 

The Brothers Glenn (Bee Gees)

 
 

There’s really nothing part of Reynolds’ persona that can’t be explained by the fact that he obviously got his ass beat frequently in high school and never got laid. Think about it:

– Stalking female UT students with his camera
– Obsessing over sex with female robots
– The relentless need to bomb scary brown people into oblivion
– The idea that he can trash the planet and everyone on it as long as he can download his brain into a supercomputer
– Sniveling bitterness over Obama’s popularity
– Hanging out with Don Surber, Bob Owents, Jim Hoft, and other pasty-white shitstains
– Constantly linking to no-talent idiots like Althouse and McMegan with the longing that maybe they’ll fuck him
– Fuck, just look at the way the man dresses

And on and on and on.

 
 

Terrah Level Strawberry Alarm Cock.

Also, Preview h8s N10do

 
 

No.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

…dammit, wait.

Are we not Glenn?

 
 

While I agree with most of what Dr. H’s Dr has to say, I just have this nitpick: Whut’s wrnog with obsessing over sex with robots? Asks the guy with a vibrating Wiimote in his lap. Also, please imagine that “sex with robots” was all hyperlinky with images of Tricia Helfer, Summer Glau and Teddy Ruxpin.

 
Glenn Reynolds' paunch
 

I WILL NOT BE CONTAINED BY GLENN’S LEE DUNGAREES BLUB BLUB BLUB

 
 

The fact is, why are liberals homosexuals obsessed with penis on men?

 
Center Left Grrrl
 

Yknow, just saying that all these attacks on good people will reflect badly on Obama and all the liberal change brigade, nobody wants to be part of a movement that denigrates good men like Instapundit. Realize that your emotional arguements will loose every time, use fact and logic lol!

 
 

Gary, does this imply that Real Heartlands are obsessed with penis on woman?

 
 

The fact is, why are liberals homosexuals obsessed with penis on men

That may be the stupidest question ever.
In a couple of ways.

 
 

Gotta go, some kinda gay sport is on.

 
Quaker in a Basement
 

– The idea that he can trash the planet and everyone on it as long as he can download his brain into a supercomputer

Do supercomputers have floppy drives?

 
 

Blue Oyster Dolt

 
 

Josie and the Pussy.

Shat Stevens.

Immodest Mouseturd.

 
 

Electric Light Dorkestra.

 
 

He’d better not show up at the airport with that thing, whatever it is.

 
 

good men like Instapundit.

hah. prove THAT.

 
 

He’s playing pocketball on camera.

Instahack self-pleasuring is NOT news…

 
 

Molly Ratshit

Monstrose

It’s out of era but “The Teh” made me laugh and laugh and laugh

oh dear, there is something wrong with me, I think

 
 

Besides the whole “day late and dollar short” issue, I mean…

 
 

Right. Now we have to come up with an artist of such resounding treacly inaninity and fulsome self-indulgence that this would fit.

Doctor BLT.

And the Oscar for Best Riff On An In-Thread Diversion goes to….Zombie Ronald McDonald!

ZRM couldn’t be here tonight to accept the award, so it will be flown to his asylum in absentia.

 
 

I have to admit that I’m impressed this entire thread went this long, and no one tried to work ABBA into it.

Millions of points off, Gryffyndor.

 
 

There are TWO of ’em, though the right-sided one seems hypoplastic relative to the left–talk aboutcher body language!

 
 

I can’t believe you all missed it, Reynolds is dead ringer for Dewey Bunnell of the band Amerikkka.

 
 

Um, lemme see:

Boner M
Gary Fuckit and the Non-Union Gap
Pink Fraud (or Pink Freud, if you want to be really creepy…)
The You Don’t Have To Guess Who (They also toured as The Usual Gang of Idiots)
Paul McBlartney and Wingnuts

 
 

I have to admit that I’m impressed this entire thread went this long, and no one tried to work ABBA into it.

Bjorg Again.

 
 

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