HCR Ponies vs Shit Sandwiches: Flexing Teh Warp
Posted on December 22nd, 2009 by D. Aristophanes
Over at Nate Silver’s joint (we’re on first-name-plus-surname terms, me n’ Nate Silver), Nate Silver says we all need to state our preferences on health care reform ‘explicitly’. Nate Silver then provides a handy graph of his own preferences.
Nate Silver is smart.
Anyway, I can’t do graphs unless they are somehow related to shit, so here’s my effort:
Also, ‘Guaranteed Immorality’ gets 60 ponies, but I ran out of space and anyway that just goes without saying.
You rang?
Cleanup on Comment 2!
I can haz extra musturd?
Hmmmm, who made the fudge?
Guaranteed immortality gets 60 ponies, but don’t you have to specify guaranteed robust, healthy, corporeal immortality? Or risk living forever as a shred of cognitively functional but flimsy dessicated flesh that gets braided into the pony’s mane? Or all the ponies’ manes?
There’s always a catch. Immortality policies, insurance policies: you totally have to have a back-up plan (usually involving mayhem, or threats thereof) because otherwise they’ll leave you speechless just long enough to bind you to their particular pocket of hell.
Also. Half a pony won’t go, and it is mean, to the pony. But one whole pony? It’s a start. I would not ride that pony. I would drape its neck with garlands of flowers, and walk ahead of it, keeping the lead loose and comfy. But I am not an entirely well woman.
I think the ponies, uh, “left” the fudge. Try some though, it’s dee-lish!
Guaranteed Immortality only gets three ponies, as per the chart above. It is Guaranteed IMMORALITY that gets 60 ponies. Unlimited drugs, gambling and sex trumps living forever, naturally.
Plus, as you say, there is the Eternal Youth issue … is it guaranteed along with the Immortality?
The ponies on that graph need to be more sparkly, so that we hippies are more thoroughly deflated by the ultimate defecation.
On Nate’s scale, the shit sandwiches have increasing “bun” size of ever more fancy bread. That’s why he’s an expert.
i see with the senate bill passed quickly that i only have to eat one sixth of the shit i that i have to eat if the status quo remains in place. if i get on the streetcar at telegraph avenue and give the conductor 60 cents, and another train leaves the station going west at 59 miles an hour, how much does the pony shit weigh?
i’ll take my answer in kelvins as produced by the burning ponyshit thank you
.
There’s a parable in this somewhere, I’m thinking ‘The Emperor Has No Corn Kernels In His Shit Sandwiches’.
If the ultimate defecation is sparkly, I’m okay with it, and would be in no way deflated.
I hope they’re not “diaper free” ponies, since that would skew the confidence level as determined by the pee-test, as Nate would say.
You kids today with your hoity-toity pony shit on Ciabatta rolls with dingleberry seed relish and fancy manure garnishes … back in my day, if we got plain old excrement spread thin on a piece of Wonder bread, we considered ourselves lucky!
Well, there IS something to be said about composting, and pony penis is tony penis.
SUCK ON IT, LIBTARDS!
If you use Sunbeam bread, the stuff kinda dissolves right through it. Batter-whipped and all. I had this problem in 4th grade with jelly.
re sunbeam:
Have you ever watched a moonbeam
As it slid across your windowpane
Or struggled with a bit of rain
Or danced about the weathervane
Or sat along a moving train
And wondered where the train has been
I find that “half-pony” somewhat disturbing. At least it was not the BACK half.
Also, ‘Guaranteed Immorality’ gets 60 ponies
It has to be 60 ponies, or else the sh*t sandwiches can filibuster.
If you haven’t got a pony, a ha’pony will do.
If you haven’t got a ha’pony, GOD HATES YOU!
i
i i
i i
dig a pony
.
I last dug a pony through the prism of a glass onion. Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going soon… to sleep.
Tomorrow may never come, but if it does, at least it’ll finally be longer than today. Solstice! We can always get a tan by standing in the English rain.
I need good healthcare immediately!
Why/ Because I’m a little hoarse!
(get it… a little horse?)
[hook begins to come out from the side of the stage]
You had Wonder bread?
LUXURY!
My preferred metrics are Baldricks and Blackadders rather than turds and ponies. The ratios seem to hold, however.
Also, I’ve gotten over my kill the bill phase. It’s slathered in shit and panders to the corrupt, but it might be better than nothing.
It’s just that every time I hear “We’ll fix it later.” I have awful flashback visions of NAFTA.
It has to be 60 ponies, or else the sh*t sandwiches can
filibusterfilly-buster.Focksed.
If you have $1.27, and 60c are in ponies, then how
Never mind.
Well, if the bill contains mandates but no public option or medicare extension…get ready for Huckabee/Palin in 2012.
And I bet it gets repealed before the core parts even go into action.
But I’m not sure it will pass with the House conference issues…
Guaranteed immortality? [Bzzzt] Heh! [Bzzzt]
Liberal Dems —-> Ponies
Right-wingers —-> Shit sammiches
Centrists —-> Horses’ asses.
Works for me.
Obviously, I am not a policy wonk, which is why banalities like: “Well, yeah, this won’t free you, but imagine how much better your life would be if you’d just cooperate…”
Ranks up there with: “I swear I won’t come in your mouth!!”
Shit sandwiches are like life–the more bread you’ve got, the less shit you eat.
Also, too, (And I can’t believe no one else has brought this up yet): No way Jonah’s gonna eat a shit sandwich with that many veggies on it.
there is the Eternal Youth issue … is it guaranteed along with the Immortality?
Yeah, see, you think you’ll be OK with a Medicare buy-in that starts at age 5,555, but then it’ll turn out that Lieberman pulls the plug on that too. And then it’s an eternity of dessicated flesh for you. Take it from me. Please.
Those ponies aren’t rainbowy enough!
Lieberman took it for “research” purposes.
Well, Sen. Graham was on the teevee this morning whining about OMG! SOSHALIZM! YRUP! so the bill must have something going for it. I don’t know how those people can spout absolute bullshit with a straight face.
Lieberman took it for “research” purposes.
No. He took it home for the holidays. Family and all.
there is the Eternal Youth issue … is it guaranteed along with the Immortality?
….And then it’s an eternity of dessicated flesh for you.
But then you get a whole lot of hot lizard sex.
I like Nate Silver, but I think he’s being disingenuous by not pointing out that his graph is on a logarithmic scale.
I just noticed that your graphic is of an open-faced shit sandwich (insert 2 girls 1 cup link here).
I’ve visited the SN home page frequently. This is the first time I’ve lingered for the reader comments. I thoroughly enjoyed reading these; thanks to all. I particularly appreciated Enraged Bull Limpet (the poem; the Beatles riff) and Tacitus Volataire (I’ll-take-my-answer-in-kelvins).
I like Nate Silver, but I think he’s being disingenuous by not pointing out that his graph is on a logarithmic scale.
It was DA who graphed it as a log function.
And Larkspar.
If you have $1.27, and 60c are in ponies, then how
Never mind.
You’ve totally forgotten tuppony and thruppony pieces.
Speaking of pony pieces, where do pony sandwiches enter the picture? And how many vegetables will be on them? I’m asking for a fiend.
I like Nate Silver, but global warming denialists?
It pains me to say this for I actually do have a great deal of respect for you, FUCK YOU NATE SILVER!
I’m asking for a fiend.
Are they as relentless as zombies?
I’m asking for a fiend.
Santa never brings me what I ask for, either.
yo chickety-check this out libs. today glenn greenwald had the nerve to link to one of my posts derisively and i’m all “what the fuckety fuckety fuck yo?” i mean wassup libs you down wit’ opp or what?
let’s face it, anybody who doesn’t support this bill in whatever form o-money and his homeboys see fit to present is nothin’ but a no-good totally whack naderite. it’s a two party system, yo, and i KNOW which party i belong to. word. plus look how pretty obama speak–i mean he’s not bush m i rite? ROFL
but seriously peeps, i’m gettin’ sick of droppin’ science on yo punk asses. just shut up and support this bill and quit whining because this is better than nothing ya know boyeeez?
any hot progessive chicks, hit me up i write a column at the post yo and my future’s so bright i got to wear shades.
alrite homeys, E$ izzzzz audi.
Santa never brings me what I ask for, either.
I asked for a fiend last year and I got was an RC monster truck. Not the same, I tell you.
Needs more ponies than 60, D. That’s barely enough to make a cotton candy carousel.
Me and Irene Cara are gonna live forever. We’re gonna learn how to fly–high!
If you have $1.27, and 60c are in ponies, then how
Because peonies are 2.116 cents a piece.
The ponies ate them, tho, so you have to but the peonied ponies.
For example Mr. 538 – remember Question 3 of 20?
I checked in with a source that is really very good at reading the tea leaves.
Stock prices? What’s that got to do with a Senate bill designed to optimized Health Insurance gouging?
Normally at this point I’d go into your rationalizations as to why this doesn’t mean the Senate bill shouldn’t have two or three shit sandwiches added to its score but I wouldn’t want to accuse you of picking and choosing evidence and spinning it to support your arguments. After all when you make mistakes, “they’re honest ones” and it’s just anybody who disagrees with you that’s being a dishonest hack.
P.S. FUCK YOU NATE SILVER.
P.S. FUCK YOU NATE SILVER.
No man, fuck YOU. People like YOU are the reason we can’t have nice things. Why can’t you learn to just suck it up and love the taste of shit sandwiches? Fuckin’ looney leftwing Nader supporter. If you keep being critical of The Party we won’t keep picking up seats to keep this progressive agenda we’re enacting rockin’ like a hurricane.
PS
WE GOT OURS SUCKA!!! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP WE DON’T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU LEFTWING LOONS!
rockin’ like a hurricane
You’re only allowed to use that phrase if you’re holding your mic with your hand upside down.
P.S. FUCK YOU NATE SILVER.
And his mom?
You’re only allowed to use that phrase if you’re holding your mic with your hand upside down.
Yo man that’s the only way E$ and Nate Dogg know how to rock a mic. Now pucker up and kiss our pampered, trustafarian asses while we keep climbin’ that ladder.
Oh and a special shout-out to our homeboy Rahm Emmanuel, the original O.G. Word to our valium poppin’ mothers.
You’re only allowed to use that phrase if you’re holding your mic with your hand upside down.
And have male pattern baldness.
Not to quibble here, but wouldn’t “original O.G.” be redundant, and also redundant?
Not to quibble here, but wouldn’t “original O.G.” be redundant, and also redundant?
Not to quibble here but you write a column for the Washington mothafuckin’ Post, homeboy? No? You got progressive chicks all up on your dick so hard you gotta push them away, dogg? No. What I thought, yo. You work your way through UCLA with nothin’ but your family’s influence and daddy’s checkbook? Oh, I thought not. Worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.
E$
wouldn’t “original O.G.” be redundant, and also redundant?
Repetitive. Also. Too.
…but wouldn’t “original O.G.” be redundant, and also redundant?
That’s how you know it’s fake Nate and Ezra. Should be O^2G.
P.S. FUCK YOU NATE SILVER.
Apparently, he literally used the term “illegal aliens” on Hardball last night.
Now, I am not a word fascist, but this plus his dismissive attitude about the health care bill has made my brain boner for him shrink quite a bit.
any hot progessive chicks, hit me up i write a column at the post yo and my future’s so bright i got to wear shades.
Dude, Ezra–I thought you were gay?
Apparently, he literally used the term “illegal aliens” on Hardball last night.
Matthews’s stupidity must be contagious.
That’s how you know it’s fake Nate and Ezra. Should be O^2G.
In Nate’s case, ?^2G
Grrrrrrrrr, FYWP. That looked PERFECT in preview….
Dude, Ezra–I thought you were gay?
He’s experimenting with bi-partisanality
Yo E to the $, I got your back homey. Representin’ the mean streets of University of Chicago and the LSE here, boyeeeez. If anyone knows what it’s like to be an uninsured member of the working poor it’s Nate(Ag). This bill is the best you ungrateful wretches are gonna get so keep your mouths shut unless you’re singing its praises. Don’t step to this and check yourselves before you wreck yourselves, Naderites.
Dude, Ezra–I thought you were gay?
yo homegirl i just googled myself and i honestly can’t tell. you’d think my wikipedia entry would mention this if i was but whatevs, ya know? i’m pretty sure i made a reference in one of my columns to having a date with a totally hot chick but i mean do you think it might be good for my career to be gay? selling my ass has always come so naturally.
you’d think my wikipedia entry would mention this if i was but whatevs, ya know?
It’s no wonder Annie Lowrie is putting out for me.
Holy figging fuck. I just waded through the comments to that one post that’s got me steamed.
I hate to be all “where’s the civility” and concern-troll-y but wottafuckenmess. It’s getting Freepi-RedState over there. Hey Nate Silver, you want an example of morons and dishonest bullshit? Read your comment thread. Then tell me who’s all up with teh “motivating partisans”.
concern-troll-y but wottafuckenmess.
concern troll is concerned. rofl rofl rofl rofl
c’mon guys i’ve seen you go after anyone who criticizes obama from the left in these comments threads. we’re all good democrats here and anyone who isn’t is a naderite, yo. word up.
Shouldn’t they be rainbow donkeys?
c’mon guys i’ve seen you go after anyone who criticizes obama from the left in these comments threads.
Not so.
We criticize assholes who are unfunny and try to be concern trolls for the sake of trolling.
Like…..sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….you. Asshole.
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
Aaaaaannnnnnnnyway.
The half pony is kinda creepy (not to mention not nearly sparkly and rainbowy enough).
Besides, IMHO, the top half would be a better choice …
All due respect, D-KW, but I’ve come down off the ledge w/r/t the health care bill after doing some more reading up on it.
Is it way, way less than what makes sense from the point of view of an American taxpayer? Hells yes. But there is some good stuff in it. Essentially it will give us a Swiss system, minus the requirement that insurers are allowed zero profit on basic coverage policies. Instead the senate bill requires insurers to spend 80 – 85% of all premium payments on actual care, i.e. they are limited in the amount that can go to overhead and profit. True, that limit is 3 – 4 times what it should be, but it’s substantially better than the unlimited profit they are allowed now. Secondly, those insurers who are licking their chops at the prosepct of millions of new customers will only get a crack at them if they refrain from price-gouging – if they exceed the allowable profit/overhead margin, they aren’t allowed to offer insurance in the exchanges. One of the best features is that as soon as it’s signed into law, insurers will no longer be allowed to deny coverage to people with pre-existing conditions or rescind coverage to people when they get sick – or to price-gouge people who sign on with pre-existing conditions. That provision in and of itself should cut the medical bankruptcy filings by half in the 2 – 3 years before all of the provisions kick in.
After reviewing what’s actually there, my conclusion is that while there’s still plenty of shit on the sandwich, there’s also some tasty stuff that hasn’t come into contact with the shit and is still edible. And I think we might see some improvements to it come out of the conference committee – not public option or Medicare buy-in, but anti-trust and a quicker phase-in are possible, both of which would be big improvements.
Of course, since I come from the school of thought that health care would never be really reformed unless the entire existing system came crashing down, my perspective may be quite different from yours – I’m surprised to see any changes for the better at all in the absence of such a collapse.
We liberals tend to forget every time we get into power that the big stuff will only get fixed if we fix the biggest stuff first – outlawing corporate ownership of the government. Somehow that never makes it onto the agenda of even our most popular candidates – and we don’t push them on it nearly enough, and vote for them anyway. And then we turn around and act all betrayed when we don’t get the ponies we expected. I’m imagining a Taster’s Choice commercial in which a commercial spokesman at the famous Parker House Hotel restaraunt tells us “we’ve replaced these liberals’ ponies with a shit sandwich…let’s see if they can tell the difference…” Add to that the current situation with a minority party that’s batshit insane and dedicated to obstructing EVERYTHING and a set of rules for the Senate designed to reward an obstructionist minority at the expense of the will of the majority of voters, and the sandwich we got served was about as good as it was going to get. And yes, that’s still a damn sight better than nothing at all.
We liberals tend to forget every time we get into power that the big stuff will only get fixed if we fix the biggest stuff first – outlawing corporate ownership of the government. Somehow that never makes it onto the agenda of even our most popular candidates – and we don’t push them on it nearly enough, and vote for them anyway.
It strikes me how you could write this same clause about rightwingers vis a vis abortion or tax cuts or any number of issues.
The simple fact is, so long as corporate money can be ladled over faster than you and I can donate to a candidate, we’re fucked.
And this, ladies and gents (and trolls … and zombies) is why truly “progressive” policies that are supported by a majority of Americans (e.g., single payer HC) will be enacted.
The lefty wing of the left just doesn’t have the financial clout to make any impact. At all. Unlike the far right, which is, oddly, swimming in cash.
Until that changes, nothing changes, no matter much hopey change someone promises.
Ooops … supposed to read:
Need moar cofei.
I have to go with Jennifer on this one. We’ve moved the ball forward, and if the current pony-shit sandwich passes, we can call it a first down. Just because we didn’t get the touchdown we wanted is no reason to punt now.
Or, I don’t know: base hit/home run? battle/war? pick your metaphor. All I know is “kill the bill” means we gain absolutely nothing, the status quo not only endures but is strengthened, and we can kiss the Democratic majority goodbye, probably in both houses, for the rest of Obama’s term.
He’s experimenting with bi-partisanality
A la Olympia Snowe? HAWT.
I hate to be all “where’s the civility” and concern-troll-y but wottafuckenmess. It’s getting Freepi-RedState over there. Hey Nate Silver, you want an example of morons and dishonest bullshit? Read your comment thread. Then tell me who’s all up with teh “motivating partisans”.
Yeah, I have to say that I’ve been more pissed off at the “reasonable centrists” erecting their fucking straw men and acting all holier-than-thou lately than I have been at right-wingers. This is not to say that there hasn’t been some ridiculousness from the DFH wing, but it hurts my feewings to be dismissed so shittily by my supposed allies.
“erecting their fucking straw men”
Uh, T&U: Are you in need of, uh, something?
All I know is “kill the bill” means we gain absolutely nothing, the status quo not only endures but is strengthened, and we can kiss the Democratic majority goodbye, probably in both houses, for the rest of Obama’s term.
I was against passing it up until a few days ago. I hate it, but we’ve been painted into a corner and I think passing the bill is the only way to get out of it. This is not to say that I think that it’s a good bill, or that it won’t fuck the Democrats in the end…it’s a terrible bill, and Democrats are going to have an uphill battle convincing people that it’s a good thing to be forced to buy health insurance.
But at least it expands Medicaid and has a few regulations. It’s like a shit sandwich with a little bit of jelly vs. a plain ol’ shit sandwich.
I remain on the “pass the fucker” side of the fence. It’s got a lot of shit between slices and is far from the ideal but the the thought of 40 Republican Senators eating shit stuffing with their Xmas goose warms my heart.
“erecting their fucking straw men”
Uh, T&U: Are you in need of, uh, something?
It certainly wouldn’t hurt.
Jennifer,
I dont’ want to burst anyone’s bubbles but what makes you think any of those regulations are actually going to have any effect? I seem to recall a distinct absence of any regulatory mechanism for these brilliant reforms. I suppose sternly worded letters and some severe tut-tutting could be brought to play – but it’s not like the insurance companies can’t just loophole or finangle their way to defining a bulk of their “administrative costs” as “care”.
There’s a handful of “gimmes” like the thing about pre-existing conditions that would easily pass reconcilliation or even as a amendment rider on whatever the next piece of legislation that comes before Congress is.
The only thing that this bill has for those in need is the subsidies, which are not only too weak as is but might just as well be called the “To Be Cut in Every Budget Funds”.
Still on Nate’s case – in his twenty questions he asked if Kill Billers would be more supportive if the subsidies were $50 billion higher (i.e. possibly even sufficient to actually provide care to everyone who needs it). I’d probably still say no, but it’s a good enough question for me to need to think about it.
BUT it does bring me to two question for him. Would he support the Senate bill if the subisidies were $50 billion less? And much more importantly, which one of those two scenarios (plus or minus $50 billion) is more likely in the future?
Would he support the Senate bill if the subisidies were $50 billion less? And much more importantly, which one of those two scenarios (plus or minus $50 billion) is more likely in the future?
I think at this point, they would support anything, because it’s about the politics of it, not about the actual affect of it.
This thing is going to be dead in the water by the time any substantial changes are set to take place. Hopefully, at that point, we can get real reforms passed. We’ll *have to*, unless the idea of the economy tanking appeals to people.
As long as congressional Democrats fear their opposition’s base more than their own, poo-poo platters will continue to be part of the menu.
The funny thing is: if there was such a thing as a “liberal media,” we’d have single payer by now.
I’m for passing the bill too, but I hope the fighters for a better bill keep fighting all the up to the end. And part of that fight is to legitimately signal that you could walk away from the negotiations. That’s the part of the Silver et. al. position that I really don’t like — it simply reeks of desperation to pass a bill, any bill. They’re the guy at the poker table who folds his cards even though he’s on the big blind and nobody’s raised.
That’s why a couple assholes like Lieberman have been able to peel off all the best ponies from this bill despite the majority of sitting Congresscritters saying they are for those ponies.
I’m still in the ‘do whatever the fuck you want with the bill, cuz it doesn’t help me either way’ camp. Woo yay.
D-KW – I’m not naive to the evil that is private health insurers and yes, I’m sure they will do whatever they can to avoid compliance. But I see some things that mitigate the scenario you see playing out.
First of all, as others have noted, once you’ve got everyone insured, it will become almost impossible to turn back the clock. Add to that that insurance company shenanigans will impact Republican voters as much as everyone else, which means their elected officials will face just as much pressure to bring the insurers to heel as Democratic elected officials will. Imagine an election, say, 5 years down the road, with a Democratic challenger running ads in heavy rotation about how Republican senator X voted to allow health insurers to continue gouging his constituents for the health insurance they are required by law to purchase, and imagine how that election will play out.
Of course I do not have a crystal ball so I can’t predict the future – but I can see a lot of ways where it doesn’t play out the way you might think it will. I think it’s just as likely we’ll see a teabagger revolt on the mandate and taxes before the thing ever gets fully implemented. But that’s just a guess. I do agree with T&U, though – had nothing at all passed, we’d be looking at Republican majorities in the house and senate for the remainder of Obama’s one term in office. And given where the Republican party is right now, that would have been the worst possible outcome of all.
Look, I understand the idea that you win some ground today and then build from there. Basically, the same thing that minorities tell gays and gays tell the transgendered and so on.
But the Senate bill has got shit-fuck-all to improve on. Okay, the Health Exchanges, if run right, might be okay. I jumped a bit early on the whole “no regulatory mechanism” thing (although there still is no regulatory mechanism for policing stuff like pre-existing condition discrimination). But the Exchanges are still open to less than a quarter of the population. And unless they work like motherfucken magic, I don’t see them expanding their reach. Social Security and Medicare expanded to more than the original limited groups because those programs helped those in need like gang-busters, but the Health Exchanges will only have that advantage if the Health Insurance industry works its ass off to make it work. Like that’s going to happen.
That’s the part of the Silver et. al. position that I really don’t like — it simply reeks of desperation to pass a bill, any bill.
Their attitudes also feed into the narrative of the “loony left,” especially when they make false equivalencies, like, “People who oppose this bill are just like teabaggers or climate change deniers!” That’s also ceding a lot of fucking ground to the conservatives over the long term.
… once you’ve got everyone insured…
And when does that happen?
I totally agree that once you have universal coverage, it’s impossible to take it away. Okay, nearly impossible – I thought habeas corpus was one of those irrevocable tenets too – but still, I agree that universality – once achieved – is a pretty fucking sacred cow. But how the fuck does the Senate bill provide universal coverage? By telling people that if they don’t buy insurance they have to pay a fine? Fan-fucking-tastic.
Pryme – I don’t see any evidence that Democrats fear the opposition’s base in the way this played out. Shit, we had a solid 56 or 57 votes for either the public option or medicare buy-in. It wasn’t spinelessness on the part of the Democratic majority that did those things in – it was a few assholes, mainly Joe Lieberman, who decided that everyone in America should pay more for health care. And what kind of leverage did the Democrats have with him? He’s owned by the insurers – there’s no threat that would have turned that asshole into a not-asshole.
That having been said, we now need to raise holy hell and force them to strip Lieberman of that committee chairmanship.
Come on! What hapened to “Eternal Youth and Beauty”? It’s only slightly less plausible than “Senate Bill with Weak Public Option”.
That’s the part of the Silver et. al. position that I really don’t like — it simply reeks of desperation to pass a bill, any bill.
There’s a logic there that’s pretty attractive, however.
Obama promised healthcare reform. While he laid out a preferred agenda, the one thing, the absolute one thing he could not afford to do was fail to pass something in 2009. People count victories, they are less concerned with the quality of those victories. Politics is a horse race, and unfortunately, governing is now politics, not execution.
There is a logic there, which is why I’d rather see the current Senate bill passed quickly rather have the process drag out well into 2010 to get roughly the same result anyway. This thing needs to get wrapped up and Obama needs to move on to jobs, for the sake of the economy but also for Dems’ political fortunes in the midterms.
I’m surprised to see any changes for the better at all in the absence of such a collapse.
I’m with Jennifer on this, but that’s due in large part to the vanishingly low expectations I had to begin with. I was expecting an even shittier shit sandwich than what we ended up with.
Of course, this is the game that politicians play all the time. The administration is currently predicting 10% or higher unemployment for all of 2010, which is what leads me to believe that it will actually be closer to 7 or 8% by election day. In other words, still ghastly, but “better than expected”.
Will 1,000-year-old eternal youth be twice as hip as 2000-year-old eternal youth?
And that, more than anything, is what pisses me off so fucking much about the whole thing: it ain’t about actually helping people.
If it were, Dems could have easily found a way to ram the fucking thing through Congress, and Obama would have been out there using his bully pulpit every time the GOP tried to pull their usual shenanigans.
But they haven’t, he hasn’t, and they have.
So we’re left with a shit sandwich we’re told is, at the least, a tasty grilled cheese, and that if we just swallow it things won’t be as bad as we think. We’re also told that if nothing is served — even a heaping helping of Essence of Turd on Wonderbread — we’ll all be resigned to eating our own shit, rather than that of wonderful little ponies.
Or … um … something.
At this point, I hate the Senate bill and want to see most of it taken out, flogged, and buried somewhere never to be seen again. Take the House version as the bill and tell Lieberman, Nelson, et al to fuck themselves.
They won’t, of course, and instead will pass some shitty bill that everyone hate and winds up costing Dems seats anyway.
It’s lose/lose, unless something changes dramatically with the Senate bill.
(Sorry for the seriousness here. This thing just hits so goddamn close to home for me — I’ve had two back surgeries in the past 5 years, a knee surgery in Nov., and just spent 2 days in the hospital last week courtesy of the “Kidney Stone Tour” … and all after my wife lost her job Oct. 31. So, um, yeah, I’m following this a bit close.)
it simply reeks of desperation to pass a bill, any bill. They’re the guy at the poker table who folds his cards even though he’s on the big blind and nobody’s raised.
Problem was they signalled weakness from the get-go, before they were even sat on the big blind. They looked at the Senate math, figured they’d only get some piss-poor reform through, and aimed for the bare minimum. The reason I don’t really disagree with Klein and Silver is that what they advocated was probably the correct play given how the Dem leadership had played it till this point.
There was never anything especially ballsy about the way the White House played this (or it was a deliberate aggressive-passive strategy re. the healthcare industry). Jerks like Lieberman soon figured they could check-raise Obama indefinitely, because even though he had longest stack he was always going to be happy to play for a tie.
Jane and others are damn right to be pissed at the end product of HCR, but this outcome was probably determined long before Silver and Klein went in to bat for this bill.
And Nate’s decided to try and address the absurdity of his maintaining that the Senate bill isn’t a massive gift to the insurance industry.
…governing is now politics, not execution.
Brother, you just said a mouthful.
Jane and others are damn right to be pissed at the end product of HCR, but this outcome was probably determined long before Silver and Klein went in to bat for this bill.
Which is why Jane’s “poutrage” is both self-serving and unwarranted. You mean to tell me the proprietor of one of the hippest liberal websites didn’t see this coming from a mile away? She’s shocked, shocked, to find gambling going on in the Congress?
It’s about as ridiculous as Amanda Marcotte throwing a hissy fit about John Edwards’ having an affair behind Elizabeth’s back. Who the fuck you kidding?
On a brighter note, God joins the proud tradition of telling Senators to fuck themselves:
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/12/22/coburn-pray-inhofe/
“which is what leads me to believe that it will actually be closer to 7 or 8% by election day”
Waiter, I’ll have what (s)he’s having.
7 to 8% unemployment 11 months from now would require something in excess of 1 million new jobs created every month. That will not happen.
(Ugh, I should have written “effect,” not “affect.” Oh well).
And that, more than anything, is what pisses me off so fucking much about the whole thing: it ain’t about actually helping people.
I agree, though the assumption that “shitty insurance is better than no insurance” takes a close, close second. I’m sorry to hear about your circumstances. I’m not affected right now, but it’s disappointing to think that I may never be able to do exactly what I want with my life because I can’t afford decent non employer-provided insurance.
Best case scenario: this will be passed and most of the measures will be improved upon or not implemented and the Democrats will only lose a few seats.
Worst case scenario: this will fuck up the entire health insurance system even more than it already is, people will be PISSED, Democrats will lose a ton of seats, and we will be back to square one regarding health care reform, or even in a worse spot than before.
I’m taking a gamble that it will be the first scenario, but I have a feeling it’s going to be closer to the second. I hope I’m wrong.
7 to 8% unemployment 11 months from now would require something in excess of 1 million new jobs created every month. That will not happen.
I better stuff these monkeys back in my butt that flew out.
T&U,
For the purposes of the 2010 elections, it’s more likely that the scenario will be #1 v. #2. A failure of something this big takes a long time to track (look at how long it took the GOP to get rid of The Great Society, not that this was a failure). Successes can be touted almost immediately.
This thing needs to get wrapped up and Obama needs to move on to jobs, for the sake of the economy but also for Dems’ political fortunes in the midterms.
The crazy delusion that I’m consoling myself with is the idea that when the jobs bill is being worked on, anyone saying “bipartisan” will get fucking laughed into the next century.
Please don’t point out that it ain’t gonna happen.
For the purposes of the 2010 elections, it’s more likely that the scenario will be #1 v. #2. A failure of something this big takes a long time to track (look at how long it took the GOP to get rid of The Great Society, not that this was a failure). Successes can be touted almost immediately.
I agree, and I have mostly based my decision to support this (grudgingly) because of it. My hope is that passing this will protect a lot of Democrats and we can get something better in before the mandates kick in in 2013 and the excise taxes totally fuck people out of decent health insurance. I’m not counting on it, but I think it’s the best decision to make in the situation we’re in.
Well, there’s also the thought that if the Dems succeed and hold onto the Congress and the White House for Obama’s second term, they can basically tell the Republicans to take a fucking hike, and implement a bill that replaces those mandates in favor of something more palatable.
In which case, I’ll release the monkeys from butt captivity.
Also, can I just ask–how the fuck did Ezra Klein suddenly become this “authority” on health policy? I remember him not knowing jack shit about it sixth months ago. I’m not impressed.
In which case, I’ll release the monkeys from butt captivity.
That’s kind of you. It’s probably a little crowded and smelly in there.
Which is why Jane’s “poutrage” is both self-serving and unwarranted.
I don’t see it as either. If there is to be an improvement of HCR over time (from reconciliation and further into the future), then we need noisy DFHs calling for it. Everyone needs to take a breath… there is a Bill, it is chock full of FAIL, but it is something to work from.
T&U,
He’s long written about healthcare issues. In fact, he was supposed to debate Malkin about expansion of the S-CHIP program (under Bush) but she chickened out.
T&U–
If the Senate bill is pretty much what we get, I will pull a Troofie and say you can bookmark this: In six years our HC system will be worse simply because the ins. cos.* have permission from the gov’t to fuck us all over time and time and time again.
With luck (and probably lots and lots of it) the House bill will be closer to the final, the system will improve for enough folks, and it will be improved in the next, say, six to 12 years, perhaps even getting close to single payer.
Of course, I root for the KC Chiefs and Royals, so my ability to pick a winner should be heavily and repeatedly questioned (as should my sanity at times).
(*Note that doctors and their billing processes need to be held to account, as should their willingness to fling as many charges they can to see what insurance will cover and sticking customers with the rest, regardless of their ability to pay or even if the charges are fair.)
Also. NEVER, EVER PAY THE FIRST DOCTOR BILL YOU GET! It is never, ever correct.
Ever.
Penis.
Oh, I just have a bad memory, then. Sorry, E$.
Of course, I root for the KC Chiefs and Royals, so my ability to pick a winner should be heavily and repeatedly questioned (as should my sanity at times).
If I cared about sports, I would, too. Are you a Kansas Citian?
And yes, I am afraid this is going to be No Child Left Behind Take Two: Now with More Shit Flavor!
Once again, nobody asks me how I feel about the whole thing…
One thing you can say about the Senate bill is that it bails out the insurance industry BEFORE their unsustainable business model collapses, rather than after the fact as we did with Wall Street. That should probably save taxpayers a few ha’ponies in the exchange.
I’m still of the opinion that we need to BURN THIS FUCKER DOWN – but I can see the writing on the wall. It’s a done deal.
But my question to the “it’s a start” people is still the same – how the hell do you improve on it? It’s saddled with so much baggage that any significant change would have as difficult a road as starting over from scratch. And the only incremental changes that are even plausible are cuts to the subsidies.
There’s expanding eligibility in the Exchanges, but that’s a non-starter if the Exchanges don’t turn out to work well. There’s the National Plans as defined by OPM – but they are totally voluntary for insurance companies to partake in, and have a massive loophole of having the rates completely at the discretion of the HHS Secretary.
When Medicare buy-in for 55+ was proposed, I was against it. It does jack-all for most of the people needing help, and it’s the costliest approach for expanding coverage (meaning that wonky wanker CBO scores and BS like that end up looking bad). Still, I kept my yapper shut (partly because I’m lazy as fuck) because it’s good fundamentals. Expanding Medicare is a good approach – one that outlines a clear approach towards universality and a decent health care system.
But this stinky shit sandwich – seriously, how do you make it better?
Yep. And be glad you don’t follow either. I can’t remember another time this city was exposed to such a special level of suck we’ve seen from our sports teams this year.
Just … Jesus H. Riverdancing Christ. My kidney stone was damn near less painful than watching those abortions of teams.
Although, it does beat being a Butt Monkey. Especially pre-release.
I don’t know whether to be pleased or disturbed by this:
Geeze, DK, you’re usually better than this. Yeah, up 4.49 %–to the same place they were a year ago. Markets respond to increasing certainty; but if you think a 10-15% cap on overhead is a giveaway to an industry that was pushing for 25% overhead on 10+% of US GDP, you’re missing something.
But this stinky shit sandwich – seriously, how do you make it better?
Serve mints afterwards?
But this stinky shit sandwich – seriously, how do you make it better?
AROOOgula.
I feel kinda bad about all my Poblano bashing, so let me tackle this one.
Nate says that the 3 billion dollars that got dumped into the Health Insurance Company stocks in one day due to the imminent passage of the Senate bill does NOT mean that the Senate bill is a huge giveaway to the insurance companies.
Because Shut Up, That’s Why. Hell if it really were a huge giveaway to the insurance industry, then the stocks should have gone up by OVER 9000 percentadoodles!!! I mean, companies outperform the market by three billion dollars a day all the freaking time. Hell the Google IPO alone managed half of that – and that certainly wasn’t big news back in the day.
Geeze, DK, you’re usually better than this.
That’s what your mom says too. But I guess my previous comment clears up what I was trying to get at. Which is of course, your mom.
I don’t really think this is much of an argument. It pretends the market is rational. If the bill is a shit bill the details are there, not in the same place that thought CDOs were a great bet.
Jennifer: the insurers are part of their base.
and while there was over 50 Democratic Senators all for a better bill, the fact that they didn’t press harder speaks volumes. Compare how long and how many concessions it took for Lieberman to say yes to how long and how many concessions it took for Sanders to say, “OK, I’ll go for this watered-down garbage.”
@ Ted & actor: don’t know if you’ve seen Daily Kos, but some diarists there are going bonkers over Hamsher.
But my question to the “it’s a start” people is still the same – how the hell do you improve on it?
Regulate the living fuck out of the insurance companies so that we have something closer to the Swiss system than what we have now. We are also going to need an extensive set of reforms to the industry in general, because providing universal coverage won’t mean jack shit if we can’t bring the overall cost of care down.
Do I believe that this will happen any time soon? Probably not. But it could.
Just … Jesus H. Riverdancing Christ. My kidney stone was damn near less painful than watching those abortions of teams.
It’s not like the Royals have ever really been that good, at least.
The husband’s a soccer fan and stopped watching the Wizards a couple of years ago. He just couldn’t take it.
Now that’s what I’m talking about!
/Will Smith
Bookmark this, libs. Your Obamessiah is–
ahh the hell with it. This place is just too serious right now and shit. I’m out.
I don’t really think this is much of an argument.
Well, Nate made it in the first place, and since I’m p00ping all over his shoes I guess I’d probably agree with you.
My point was that while he’s accusing Kill Billers of climate change denialism and comparing us to Inhofe. All while making these sorts of arguments.
And also his mom’s not such a great lay.
Also, too.
Missing link for Nate made it in the first place
It’s not like the Royals have ever really been that good, at least.
Yes, aside from their 7 playoff appearances, 2 AL pennants, and a World Series championship, they have never really been that good.
Yes, aside from their 7 playoff appearances, 2 AL pennants, and a World Series championship, they have never really been that good.
Okay, all right, you’re right. Just the last 20 years.
Okay, all right, you’re right. Just the last 20 years.
Fair enough.
But my question to the “it’s a start” people is still the same – how the hell do you improve on it?
Lots of ways. Did you see Marcy Burner’s discussion with Chris Matthews? She had some good ideas about some improvements they might get now, through reconciliation. Then there are other ideas floating around – moving up the phase in, letting states like MA phase in sooner. As always, the devil is going to be in the details – what’s the metric for measuring how much of each premium dollar goes to pay for actual care? How is “price gouging” going to be measured? And a lot of stuff like that. Which is why IMO we’d be better off focusing our energies on that stuff now, instead of crying about not getting the pony we were never going to get. It’s possible to acknowledge a shit sandwich is a shit sandwich while also noting it’s the only thing on the menu. If you’re really hungry, at that point you get to work on removing as much of the shit as possible and/or loading it up with tasty condiments to mitigate the taste of the shit.
The “start” that we’ve got is that we’re going to get everyone covered one way or another, albeit in what is still by far the most expensive health care system in the world. If I’m not fretting enough about the “most expensive” part it’s only because things are already so close to the breaking point that at this point, exploitation of loopholes and the like will only get us to the breaking point sooner – at which point the whole thing will be completely overhauled. The biggest danger here is that upon reflection, the insurers will realize that what they got is as good as it’s ever going to get, and will abide by the rules of the road – which will mean we’ll be stuck with the most expensive health care system in the world forever.
My other consolation is that I’ve been wrong about stuff before. Maybe conference committee will spew forth some sort magical pony filled wonder-bill. Maybe subsidies for the poor to buy health insurance will prove to be really popular. Maybe the health insurance industry will decide that making the Exchanges and National Plan work is in their best interests. Maybe there’ll be universal coverage before the 2016 elections. Maybe your mom will decide that dignity isn’t over-rated and give-up on fucking hobos in the street. Who knows?
How’s Sean Penn working for you, Democrats? You’ll get your socialized health care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!
Can we stop talking about shit sandwiches? I’m starting to get sick to my stomach.
You know, at first glance I thought your nym was “dimkok”.
I think I’ll trust my first impression.
“Yes, aside from their 7 playoff appearances, 2 AL pennants, and a World Series championship, they have never really been that good”
But that World Series championship was stolen, I said STOLEN from the Cardinals!!!!
(That oughta get them Show-Me Staters tied up in knots for a few hours)
T&U – but, shit sandwiches are the topic! See, right there up at the top of the page! With graphics, even!
Quite well, thank you. Why do you ask?
Tea Party Americans
keep those pinkies pointed UP!
.
So that’s where it’s been…
shit sandwiches
you would think that a bill that made it illegal for insurance companies to abuse people by denying them insurance would be popular with progressives
.
Foghorn Leghorn said,
“But that World Series championship was stolen, I said STOLEN from the Cardinals!!!!”
That would be true if game six was the deciding game, but it wasn’t so it’s not. Back on topic–KILL THE BILL!!!!!!1!!!fuckyeah!!!!!!!
How’s Sean Penn working for you, Democrats?
His frittata is still enjoyable, although pie crusts continue to give him problems; I suspect that there’s some left over baggage from the marriage to Madonna there. But Alfred could really use the help in the kitchen, so we’ll keep him for now.
Lots of ways. Did you see Darcy Burner’s discussion with Chris Matthews?
No, but I found a transcript.
National versus state-by-state exchanges, great idea and definitely do-able. Still the performance of the exchanges is at the mercy of the insurance industry, so I’m not expecting even that to make a big difference.
On a tangential note, Chris Matthews is a fucking idiot. Holy fuck that idiot is a fucking moron.
Back on topic–KILL THE BILL!!!!!!1!!!fuckyeah!!!!!!!
Fitz!
11-0, bitches!*
(*Score of Game 7 of the 1985 World Series, in which the Cards folded like the cowardly bunch of crybaby pussies they are.)
As far as Sean Penn goes … well, until he puts Kelsey Grammar in a headlock while kicking Ben Stein in the nuts, I’m not voting for the guy.
Late to it, but(t)…
Methinks the monkeys are on (in?) the other butt.
That gives me about 1.5 million per point, and two points to go. 3 mil over 11 months is 272K per, plus the 150K or so we need just to tread water, say 425K a month. Not easy, but not completely impossible. Unless you’re talking about trying to get U6 under 10%, which is just fantasy, but it’s starting where again?
Let fly the monkeys!
Get elected-get re-elected. The HCR will figure into that, not the other way around. All else in politics, besides get elected/get re-elected, is superfluous and irrelevant. The level of shit vs. ponies will probably influence the elected/re-elected ratio, though. I hope. Dammit.
Thanks Just me! Kinda cold out here tho.
I’m not sure you go far enough. When Matthews mockingly asked Burner if she’s to the left of Barbara Boxer, that was a moment that went far beyond idiocy.
And the way he ripped her about Liebermann. Good god, that was Hall Of Fame material.
I see Substance has been tinkering….
Can’t blame me for that one. At least not entirely.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Yes, Matthews is a moron. But I appreciated his “you’re taking Joe Lieberman’s word on anything?” approach. He could have done that without being a complete asshole to Burner, though.
Results 1 – 10 of about 7,020 for “pony penis”. (0.18 seconds)
I really would have expected more results. This IS the internet, after all…
Can’t blame me for that one. At least not entirely.
hunh. Has a certain JanusNodey quality.
either the internet is getting closer to self-awareness, or trolls have been getting dimmer.
your graphic is of an open-faced shit sandwich
It is a Smørregrøgan.
Incidentally, one of the thing that grates is that the choices aren’t “shit sandwich or nothing at all”. The choice is now:
a) shit sandwich
Choose one.
With that in mind, I’ll try to be optimistic about things. Costs aren’t really being addressed. Access to medical services is still going to be provided on an adversarial basis (i.e. insurance companies still benefit from denying care). The uninsured are being told that they’ll be fined if they don’t buy insurance, but here’s some insufficient subsidies to help pay for it. I still can’t see the subsidies doing anything but shrinking over time. Women are still being relegated to second-class citizen status (wasn’t there something about eliminating abortion coverage completely?) Mmm mmmm, this shit sandwich sure is tasty. Go Senate Bill!
At least now that Joe Lieberman has finally showed his true colours for the gajillion millionth time, I’m sure Democratic leadership will punish him severly….BwAAhaHAhHAAHHahHA!
DKW, if the Democratic “leadership” ever approaches the event horizon of punishing Joe Lieberman the universe will collapse in on itself, so all this argument about the size and flavor of the shit sandwich will be moot.
Guaranteed immortailty should not get so many ponies. It has its drawbacks.
see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immortality_in_fiction
I would support a robust public option or Medicare buy-in at the minimum.
The status quo is unacceptable (though at least one is free to die without the constraints of a death panel).
… Harry Reid and Senate Dems will still treat him as a Very Serious Person because “he’s with us on everything but the war.”
Man, those ponies sure are chromatic … & they seem to be wearing Ray-Bans to boot.
Something I learned the hard way in Real Life 101: when consuming shit-sandwiches, the primary consideration is to avoid chewing. The flavor situation gets uglier in direct proportion to the amount of mastication that takes place – & I’m suddenly seeing a lot more mandibular kinesis than I did all through the summer & fall, so it’s no shock that many folks are getting their bloomers in a twist over the bill. Said bill polls about as well as cholera among the general public, in large part because they’re sick to death of having it monopolize media time for so long, in excruciating detail, while unemployment remains such a major source of pain in the wake of Not-So-Curious George’s Awesome Oval Office Adventure.
I think people need to see this issue for what it is – a marathon, not a 50-yard dash. This bill is just the first 5K leg of that marathon. You think THIS is harsh? Wait until you hit the 20K wall of going for a broad consensus on single-payer … that fight is going to make this one look like naptime at a daycare-center.
The goal of a robust blended system where the public option is both cheap & widely available, or outright nationalized insurance, is worthy, but there’s just no way you’re going to get there fast.
If this bill gets Americans to comprehend how profoundly FUBAR their Senate is & to push for reforming that snake-pit* (sorry, but no, you can NOT have the roach from what I’m smoking) then this whole gladiatorial melee will have been well worth the effort.
—————–
* Ssssssss sssss ss sssssssssss, ssss sssss sssssss sss s, ssss. Ssssssss sssssssss ssssss sssssssssssssss sss ss, ssssssssss sssss sssssss s ssssssss. Sssssssss sssss ssssssss.
[Translation: I apologize to snakes for this unfair reference & commend them for their invaluable aid in controlling the rodent population, thus providing a boon to public hygiene & food-supply alike. The next rat is on the house.]
If the filibuster had held, with Lieberman’s vote against cloture, I am sure Harry Reid would have composed a very strongly worded letter to the Senator from the Great State of Cigna. Since he backed away and voted to proceed, I’m sure he can look forward to many more years as Homeland Security Chair, along with other coveted committee positions, multiple talk show appearances every Sunday, a pony, and on-demand fellating of his uncircumcised pud.
Butt Monkey said,
December 22, 2009 at 19:09
Once again, nobody asks me how I feel about the whole thing…
Shut up and get back in! My prostate is freezing!
Speaking about cost control, BM Matt isn’t the first one I’ve seen to push this Atul Gawande article explaining where the magical cost control pony comes from. It’s a long piece, so let me save you some time – the current Senate bill essentially invests in the lottery. It is possible, through a masterstroke of unbelievable luck, that costs will be kept down. It happened a hundred years ago, and although there is no reason why it should happen again, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t! Wahooo! Go Senate Bill!
You’ll get your socialized health care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!
“Hello…Guns R Us? Yes…do you think you can handle an order for a few million weapons? Nothing too heavy, these targets will piss their pants the second they actually see the barrel of a weapon pointed at them….”
Laughs all around, insufferable commies. How’s Barry Soetoro working for you now? Got your Iraq pullout yet?
Got your Iraq pullout yet?
No, but your mom keeps calling for my meat. Do you think you could ask her to stop?
No, but your mom keeps calling for my meat.
You’re sure she didn’t want sweet, sweet butt monkey meat?
She’ll have to get it from the take out. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
Everybody wants sweet, sweet monkey meat. It’s the San Francisco treat!
Point taken, juƒtme. I believe I was relying on some talking head or another, probably on Matthews, from last week. Uh, I think I see my problem right there.
It’s the San Francisco treat!
That explainƒ Troofuƒƒ
smedley,
No worries. I just did the confused-dog head tilt when I saw your #, and had to check.
Not. Our. Fault.
Also, this is one strange season in San Francisco. The trees think it’s fall, but the grass thinks it’s spring.
The trees think it’s fall, but the grass thinks it’s spring
Maybe if you shared…
The trees think it’s fall, but the grass thinks it’s spring.
So if you climb a tree you fall out but bounce back when you hit the grass? That’s cool. It’s like strapping a piece of toast to the back of a cat, butter side up. You get perpetual motion by dropping the toast/cat and watching to see if the cat lands feet-first or the toast lands butter-down.
It’s like strapping a piece of toast to the back of a cat, butter side up. You get perpetual motion by dropping the toast/cat and watching to see if the cat lands feet-first or the toast lands butter-down.
Dude. Next time you want to get philosophical like this, do it before the second bottle of wine, K?
It’s like strapping a piece of toast to the back of a cat, butter side up.
I never understood this idea. Strapping a piece of toast to the back of a cat doesn;t lead to perpetual motion, it leads to excessive abrasions and possibly putting an eye out.
Dude. Next time you want to get philosophical like this, do it before the second bottle of wine, K?
What philosophy? This was an empirical experiment…that I deny all knowledge of.
It’s like strapping a piece of toast to the back of a cat, butter side up.
That sounds even better than putting Scotch tape on a cat’s paws so it does a little spastic dance.
Not that I’ve ever done that or anything.
That sounds even better than putting Scotch tape on a cat’s paws so it does a little spastic dance.
That’s cruel. Very cruel
I usually just get the cat toasted.
That sounds even better than putting Scotch tape on a cat’s paws so it does a little spastic dance.
our cat did that to itself once.
I think I like this Nym. Henceforth shall I be named “Butt Monkey”; it suits me.
That’s cruel. Very cruel
Awww. Did you know that a skinny, whiny tortoiseshell cat will do that same thing if you cut off a sleeve from a human-sized sweater and make her wear it because her ears and paws are cold?
Not that I would know that from personal experience, either.
IS THAT MY IRAQ PULLOUT IN THERE?!!!!!
Spastic cat dances have nothing on trying to get a schnauzer to wear boots so she doesn’t get salt on her paws when it snows. Damned animal tried (and damn near succeeded) to keep all 4 paws in the air at the same time.
Did you know that a skinny, whiny tortoiseshell cat will do that same thing if you cut off a sleeve from a human-sized sweater and make her wear it because her ears and paws are cold?
My cat has fur. He doesn’t get cold. In fact, he keeps me warm.
But don’t tell the Humane Society on me, k?
I usually just get the cat toasted.
It strikes me that if a zombie is that desperate, he’d want the branes fresh from a cat.
Galileo Galilei once climbed to the top of the Tower of Pisa and dropped a feather, a ten-pound weight, and a cat with a piece of buttered toast strapped to its back (butter side up).
Later, a fellow scientists asked Galileo if his experiment had been a success.
“Hardly,” said Galileo. “I was trying to hit the Pope.”
My cat has fur. He doesn’t get cold. In fact, he keeps me warm.
But don’t tell the Humane Society on me
As long you never mistake your cat for a butt monkey, you’re safe.
Cats have branes? None of mine have ever seemed to. The odd synapse maybe, but branes? Not so much.
Cats have branes?
I’ve had three cats in my life whom I would rank as smarter than Jonah Goldberg.
One even learned how to lock me out of my apartment.
As long you never mistake your cat for a butt monkey, you’re safe.\
Both from the Humane Society and a shredded colon.
As long you never mistake your cat for a butt monkey, you’re safe.
My butt monkeys never whine for food at four in the morning.
What happens if you tie the toast to Joe Lieberman? Would that be Kosher?
Cats have branes? None of mine have ever seemed to.
Ah, you mistake assholishness for stupidity. A common problem with cats.
Although admittedly, my tiny tortoiseshell is pretty fucking dumb. If she were a human, she’d most certainly have Asperger’s.
What happens if you tie the toast to Joe Lieberman?
You would be arrested for toast abuse.
Actor, I’ve got some lettuce growing in my back yard that’s smarter than Joe Lieberman. And a lot tastier too.
My butt monkeys never whine for food at four in the morning.
Yeah, that sound you heard is definately not us.
A properly prepared turd burger, also known as a shit sandwich in parts of rural Appalachia, is truly a wonderful culinary experience. The sandwich consists of three main parts: bread, turd and vegetables.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Turd_burger
What happens if you tie the toast to Joe Lieberman? Would that be Kosher?
Only if you dropped him after sundown on a friday.
What happens if you tie the toast to Joe Lieberman?
Works best if you attach before actually toasting
It strikes me that if a zombie is that desperate, he’d want the branes fresh from a cat.
Actually, the cat and I both get toasted, then watch old episodes of MST3K….
Sounds like some kind of sandwich.
It strikes me that Joe Lieberman would slobber on the joint.
I do, however, endorse the idea of dropping him from buildings to see if he lands on his feet. Repeatedly, cuz that’s how you do science.
It’s like strapping a piece of toast to the back of a cat, butter side up. You get perpetual motion by dropping the toast/cat and watching to see if the cat lands feet-first or the toast lands butter-down.
And thus, a working model for anti-grav technology. I FINALLY GET MY FLYING CAR, BITCHES!
…while there’s still plenty of shit on the sandwich, there’s also some tasty stuff that hasn’t come into contact with the shit and is still edible.
Well, I’m inclined to go along with Jennifer on this one. It’s just like how I used to pull the pickle slices, scrape off the mustard/ketchup, and toss the buns whenever I bought me a coupla Howdy Beefburgers…
Oh, yeah.
PS – Blame this asshole.
I FINALLY GET MY FLYING CAR, BITCHES!
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
zombie rotten mcdonald said,
“I do, however, endorse the idea of dropping him from buildings to see if he lands on his feet. Repeatedly, cuz that’s how you do science.”
I second the motion…..for SCIENCE!
it’s agreed then, Road Trip to Connecticut to pick up the Senator….what’s the tallest building around there?
what’s the tallest building around there?
not very high. You might want to consider renting a helicopter.
The only hope I see for a good outcome in the short-term is for us to band together in the sort of “co-ops” that were proposed as a red herring by the Blue Dog types. Insurance is, at the most fundamental level, the pooling of risk. If we were to form entities analogous to credit unions, we would be able to bypass the for-profit insurance companies.
You might want to consider renting a helicopter.
I might be able to help. Will an Airbus 300 do?
Low fruit, I know, but…but…the war on Christmas just crossed over the border of the war on Denierville.
…the Build-A-Bear empire sweeps across nearly every state and into 17 other countries. You’ll find their outlets in shopping malls everywhere and even some ballparks. The company also has a website called Build-A-Bearville.com where children can play an interactive video game that, on it’s surface, is unlikely to raise suspicion or sound alarms.
But when your unsuspecting tot logs on and hops a virtual train to the North Pole…you should know that he or she will be informed — by Santa Claus — that Christmas may be canceled this year due to Global Warming….
http://biggovernment.com/2009/12/22/build-a-climate-scare-why-you-should-boycott-build-a-bear/
ohno!
The mythical North Pole with its fantasy creatures is going to melt into the mythical sea?????
Look at this fucking teabagger.
The best part of this site is the fact that the title is taken from another awesome site: look at this fucking hipster.
Hey, what do vegetarian zombies hunger for?
“GRRAAAIINS…”
Also, a zombie question. Why don’t zombies eat the whole person when they catch one? It’s always a chomp then shamble on while the chompee turns into a zombie. You’d think they’d stop and nosh a while instead of getting a mouthful here and a mouthful there. Maybe zombification makes you a really picky eater.
Okay … it’s official. I’m taking The Boy to Build A Bear this weekend.
But only if it saves the North Pole from drowning out the Island of Misfit Toys.
But when your unsuspecting tot logs on and hops a virtual train to the North Pole…you should know that he or she will be informed — by Santa Claus — that Christmas may be canceled this year due to Global Warming….
…and also that he or she is trespassing at the North Pole. KA-BLAM!
Also:
and hops a virtual train to the North Pole
Does this mean they’re virtual hobos?
7 to 8% unemployment 11 months from now would require something in excess of 1 million new jobs created every month.
In excess of 11 million new jobs would not only eliminate unemployment entirely, it would actually be more jobs than there are people to fill them. I think you need to try your math again.
Really nice comments about the evil Build-a-Bears:
…it is not up to Build a bear to Teach my kids about anything….thats like going to your uroligist and asking him to draw you a detailed schematic of the electrical system in an F-22 Raptor…he isn’t qualified to do
neither is Build-a-bear allow me to choose what my childrun learn until they reach an age to decide for themselves…
…Santa is a lie as is global warming kiddies.
Its time to grow up and not be scared of stories of polar bears falling out of the sky!…
…My ancestors left Europe in the 17th century and I have no desire to emulate what they left behind. Therefore, my daughter will not become indoctrinated by build-a-bear into the pc ranks of the environmental fringe dwellers. We will buy no more build-a-bear anything unless the ceo repents and makes it very public. We have spent hundreds and hundreds of $$$$$ on buiild-bears over the years with my 3 daughters. We will use facebook to alert our vast network. Bye bye build-a-bear!!!…
…This is a tactict used by Hitler, the old Soviet Union, etc…. [Who knew Hitler was behind Build-a-Bear?]
…this is the “ARTS” using their media to promote the President’s agenda at it’s finest! How DISGUSTING!!!! It is a sad day in America when we can’t even assume the cartoons our kids watch are safe…
There’s a lot of open questions on this thread but can we all agree that the floor show at the next Sadlynaut drinking event will be actor212 shoving flying monkeys up his butt? I bet there’s a significant demographic slice that would support that.
propagation of the Zombies, Matt….
every organism just wants to perpetuate its species.
But we do eat the whole person, if they’re really an asshole; because we don’t want people like Jonah becoming zombies. I mean, even a zombie has gotta have standards.
i have done the calculations, and the results show that if left wing bloggers write “shit sandwich” seven thousand four hundred and three more times, joe lieberman will experience a damascene conversion and push for a public option
.
Are the Buildabears anything like the Bildeburgers?
We will use facebook to alert our vast network. Bye bye build-a-bear!!!…
I think “We will use facebook to alert our vast network” should be the new “We are aware of all internet traditions.”
I’ve done my part
i think you’ve travelled through a time-shit sandwich warp
.
Its time to grow up and not be scared of stories of polar bears falling out of the sky!…
Just be scared of their droppings hitting you on the head as they fly over!
POOP!
But we do eat the whole person, if they’re really an asshole; because we don’t want people like Jonah becoming zombies. I mean, even a zombie has gotta have standards.
Jonah has a brain?
Oh, no, I just realized that my relatives are all going to be sending me (since I am part of their “vast network”, alas) Build-a-Bear hate mail along with their Christmas greetings. Hmmmm, my 2nd grader owns a B-a-B with the cameo get-up and a beret. (American Soldier Camo Bear, IIRC.) A few photos of him playing with it under the tree might slow them down a bit. OTOH, they might think it’s an Obama’s Army Camo Bear and nuke us.
will no one rid me of this crapulent metaphor?
.
Jonah has a brain?
Maybe, but you’d have to eat a whole lot of Jonah to get to it.
No meta-againstness please.
Time to move on to meta-five people.
http://www.meta-five.eu/index_en.php
Time to move on to meta-five people.
Oooh. I can replace my employees with loyal cyborgs. I just have to pay some Cologners (Colognites? Colons?) more than my business is worth.
That is some wonderful bullshit there.
quod?
I just knew that if I googled “meta five”, something would come up.
meta-five
gag me with a strategic goals realignment
.
“That is some wonderful bullshit there.”
Yes, it goes to eleven.
proactively provide direction
As opposed to, say, the use of street signs.
See, it’s called the Inverse White Queen Strategy, with a little effort you can be well on your way to successfully disbelieving 6 firmly-established facts before breakfast.
It ain’t really hard but it takes some practice, first you shut off your brain (well done!), then get your index fingers knuckledeep into your earhairs and start up the “LalaLalaLala” cadence from Happy Jack, and before you know it you’ll be totally primed to convince yourself that carbon-dating fossils, the germ theory of disease, the moon landing, plate tectonics and continental drift are nothing but diabolical inventions of Al (fat!) Gore and Michael (fattyfatfat!) Moore.
derive consequences for the personnel concept from the strategies and ensure
zombies will need to look elsewhere for dining opportunites
.
Mo’ Build-a-Bear:
…I can’t even build stuffed bears online without being inundated with political propaganda….I took the time to research the corporate governance of Build A Bear Workshop Inc. to see if I could find any reason for a seemingly benign company to be showing this kind of message to kids:
Mary Lou Fiala – Director , Build-A-Bear Workshop, Inc. She is the chairman of International Council of Shopping Centers which is a Washington Lobbying Group who in the 2008 election year made charitable contributions to almost every candidate for both republican and democrats. Mary Lou Fiala gave 10,000 dollars to ICSC in 2008
Other’s who donated to ISCS include Build-A-Bear Inc, JP Morgan Chase, Wells Fargo, as well as several Real Estate and Property Groups.
Next on the list is Maxine Clark the Chief Executive Bear and Chairman of the Board. She is also the Presiding Director to J.C. Penney Company. Maxine gave over $50,000 to Obama and the DNC in 2008.
Finally the last person to catch my attention was Coleman Peterson. Coleman was the Human Resources VP for Wal-Mart Inc. as well as a Chief Officer of the NAACP.
Now that I know the Build-A-Bear Workshop company has such a political agenda, I don’t think I see myself ever shopping there again. Giving money to Build-A-Bear is like donating money to the Obama Adminstration. Which they in turn use to bombard our kids with a global warming, one world message…
http://thelibertyguardian.com/2009/12/an-un-bear-able-truth/
The Revolution, International Council of Shopping Centers style!
Wow, that meta-five prose is some serious blatherskite.
Seriously!
At least they didn’t say ‘strategize’, transitive. My bosses have developed a terrifying boner for that atrocity. “Let’s strategize my balls in the big stall.”
serious blatherskite
i have actually had performance reviews containing prose like that
.
Ooh, I’ve gotta share this (h/t Freelancer at Balloon Juice):
Atheist vs. religious family Bingo
serious blatherskite
Sauteed, over rice.
Wow, the Teabaggers find “evil” everywhere they look- no wonder they’re scared shitless all the time.
Time to move on to meta-five people.
Reminds me of when one of the business analysts at my office started bragging about his Six Sigma Black Belt cert when talking to we mere proles. In my defense, I assumed that a black belt in anything would have been able to block a punch to the nuts…
At least they didn’t say ’strategize’, transitive. My bosses have developed a terrifying boner for that atrocity. “Let’s strategize my balls in the big stall.”
Or use the word “leverage”. GOD SAVE ME FROM THE USE OF THE WORD LEVERAGE!
GOD SAVE ME FROM THE USE OF THE WORD LEVERAGE!
How else is Actor going to get you out of your [ahem] lair?
GOD SAVE ME FROM THE USE OF THE WORD LEVERAGE!
How else is Actor going to get you out of your [ahem] lair?
Introducing the MonkeyBar!
Introducing the MonkeyBar!
They throw shit when they’re sober. You want to get them drunk?
From the makers of ShamWow. Its like, German and stuff.
How else is Actor going to get you out of your [ahem] lair?
Bribes. How else?
Or use the word “leverage”. GOD SAVE ME FROM THE USE OF THE WORD LEVERAGE!
I see your “leverage” and I’ll raise you one “overarching”.
How else is Actor going to get you out of your [ahem] lair?
Bribes. How else?
You’ve got a warm home, someone who loves you, and all the throwing-shit you could want. What could he possibly bribe you with?
‘Six Sigma’ is code for ‘please stab me in the mouth’. True story.
I see your “leverage” and I’ll raise you one “overarching”.
“That’s my recco”.
There, I said it. Your move.
What could he possibly bribe you with?
A l’il bonobo action might be nice, know what I’m gettin’ at? Just sayin’
I see your “leverage” and I’ll raise you one “overarching”.
I’ll date myself with this one:
“Cross-platform synergies.”
I do that alla time.
I still see many references to health insurance coverage for everyone, or words to that effect, but I’m not seeing how that happens. Most reviews of the “bill” show many people who really need coverage way short even with the government subs…and there are also reports that people already covered in the work place could get worse insurance afterwards.
I think calling this a shit sandwich is not enough…an Ebola sandwich might be a better term. It will help very few people, hurt a lot more and ensure that the dems are fucked hard in the next few election cycles.
And if that happens there will be NO improvements on the plan.
And remember, the biggest fail in this whole process has been the health insurance focus and not the health care focus. Here have some insurance. Sorry it does not actually cover much or prevent you from going bankrupt (remember, the bill prevents lifetime caps, but not annual caps).
I think I’ll take my chances with no bill…because this bill will prevent any progress being made on the matter for many years.
This is too funny. The Gospel of Jeshua Cottentail. Have your pets been saved?
Wow, this HCR stuff has really been a lame sequel of the 2008 Democratic primaries, ratfucking PUMAs and all, hasn’t it?
I do that alla time.
Me too. And that there’s a risk for blind dates.
and hops a virtual train to the North Pole
**** SPOILER ALERT ****
At the end of the story, the main character turns back the winder on the watch and freezes the moment right there on the train, so it NEVER REACHES SANTA.
/**** SPOILER ALERT ****
With jaws that catch and teeth that bite
Beware the Jubjub bird and shun the serious blatherskite.
More atheist comics. A man talks to God http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QecUUnLNSiY&feature=player_embedded
I think I’ll take my chances with no bill…
Tough titties, that train rode out a week ago. I recommend a nice hit of whiskey and a triple helping of dejected resignation.
Oh and in regards to meta five, there’s a whole new paradigm that’s coalescing around that organic resouce allocation node. It’s your mom.
Substance McGravitas said,
Our commercial purpose is advising organisations on central issues of organisational management focusing on the soft skills to be promoted within the organisation. We provide help in finding and formulating strategies that proactively provide direction.
Janusnode again. Might have known.
With jaws that catch and teeth that bite
Beware DKW’s mum.
What now?
Well since shit sandwich shit sandwich shitsandwich shis sandwich is still well short shit sandwich – here’s my hope that Pelosi says “bring me the head of Joe Liberman”.
I dunno if any movers or shakers read this deep down comment threads, but a public flogging of Holy Joe would do fucking wonders for abused progressives right now. If the plan was to scapegoat that sanctimonious fucking bastard – well mission accomplished. Now take the pay-off and kick him the fuck out of caucus.
Wow, this HCR stuff has really been a lame sequel of the 2008 Democratic primaries, ratfucking PUMAs and all, hasn’t it?
sir, let me buy you a drink
.
but a public flogging of Holy Joe would do fucking wonders for abused progressives right now.
And maybe scare the shit out of some blue dogs.
Or maybe a public flogging of Holy Joe’s mom.
Aside to the reglars, I’ve gotten into the Woodford again so the tipnigs’ll be frat and foorioose… and over in two minutes, just like with your mom… uh, that didn’t come out the way it seemed like it would in my imaginings. YER MOMS A WHORE!!!
I still think the best solution is for Pelosi and Reid to tie a peice of buttered toast to the old gasbag and drop him off the Washington Monument just to see if the toast lands buttered side down.
This is a strategy that I have formulated to proactively provide direction to congressional Democrats..
Also, too – I’m having a drink for a return to vilifying the Jane Hamsher’s of teh Left. Take that Jane Hamsher, of teh Left. Your such a grenade-thingy with teh grenades and being on teh Left. Jane. Hamsher. Also.
Not that this makes me despise Natural Born Killers any less, but there.
In her defense, I think she would be totally on board with the Lieberman on toast strategy that I have formulated to proactively provide direction to congressional Democrats which is totally a stategy that I have devised and belongs to me also.
Or maybe a public flogging of Holy Joe’s mom.
Hey you, you insensitive bastard. What the hell, talk about over the line or wut.
Well anyways, fuck Joe Lieberman – with his dead mom’s flogged corpse.
I met Jane Hamsher at a Lamont fundraiser back in 06. Miss Connecticut also. Miss Connecticut had a nice set of er uhm family values also.
“Not that this makes me despise Natural Born Killers any less, but there.”
NBK was a great movie D-KW. The three-way scene with Hamsher, Juliette Lewis and Woody Harrelson was worth the price of admission alone.
Things you learn . . .
“Natural Born Killers was based upon a screenplay written by Quentin Tarantino in which a married couple suddenly decide to go on a killing spree. Tarantino had sold an option for his script to producers Jane Hamsher and Don Murphy for $10,000 after he had tried, and failed, to direct it himself for $500,000.[3] Hamsher and Murphy subsequently sold the screenplay to Warner Bros. Around the same time, Oliver Stone was made aware of the script.”
Since we’re talking aboot teh lurvely Lady Jane of teh Left, let me just say that when the already insufficient health care subsidies get cut like a a neurotic little girl with serious self-confidence issues (note, apologies to cutters – this whole comment is a fucking horribly offensive load of tripe. I blame teh bourbon) I hope that John Cohn fucking chokes on it. Wanker. And it’s not like I enjoy being called a teabagger but Fuck You Cohn.
NBK was a great movie D-KW
No. NBK sucked second hand Kaus goats. There was a grand total of one character I felt any sympathy or connection to – the shaman who gets less than a minute of screen.
And a FUCKEN HAPPY ENDING? Wot da frack. If there were two characters less worthy of a happily ever after, I dunno who they are. Okay, maybe Lieberman and Nelson.
Giving money to Build-A-Bear is like donating money to the Obama Adminstration. Which they in turn use to bombard our kids with a global warming, one world message…
Heh heh heh … yeah, those crazy hippies & their global warming hokum!
Yes, the FDL / Worldnet Daily coalition. Good luck with that. If Jane Hamsher agrees that Obama was born in Kenya, the WND crew will stop talking about Clinton’s Penis. Yes, “Clinton’s Penis” is now a proper noun.
Heh heh heh … yeah, those crazy hippies & their global warming hokum!
The Pentagon has been taken over by hippie fascist! Quick, call Glenn Beck!
In this scenario D-KW, who gives who the HAPPY ENDING, Lieberman or Nelson?
the main character turns back the winder on the watch
And then reveals he’s Jack the Ripper.
who gives who the HAPPY ENDING, Lieberman or Nelson?
EEEuuueWWWWww. Excuse me while I puke my whiskey. Oh and gm, thanks for that – bourbon burns more on the way up than down.
bourbon burns more on the way up than down
That’s why you should drink straight rye. It burns so bad going down that I’m amazed the Cavinists never adopted it as the drink that shows you hate yourself as much as god hates you.
I will now return to my glass of rye.
turning my snark meter down . . . I loved NBK. Which character to sympathize with? Nobody. I thought it was a great satire on the media’s love of violence. Julliette Lewis’ molestation upbringing with a laugh track and Rodney was a dig at “Married With Children” to the nth power. Robert Downey, Jr. was Jeraldo to a tee. And so on.
Geraldo = Jeraldo
If Christ is not Puerto Rican then why is he called Jesus?
What does this mean? And who would know?
~
“What does this mean? And who would know?”
I think it means that the Obamaislamocommiefascistnazi presdint is is a plant. I suspect bagognia.
I think it means that the Obamaislamocommiefascistnazi presdint is is a plant. I suspect bagognia.
After reviewing the evidence and such as, I have decided that people cannot handle the truth.
Pinko Punko was right all along!
(Or was he left, hmmmm?)
~
I liked Rodney Dangerfield, and that it had some ambition. But yeah, it sucked.
Naw, NBK didn’t suck. It was a pretty scathing commentary on the American love of violence. And it had an awesome soundtrack.
This is the best conversation on the Dems and health care reform on the internet.
I’m serious. This is why I come here, that and…
PENIS
a public flogging of Holy Joe
Interesting new variant of “boxing the Jesuit.”
“Politics is a horse race, and unfortunately, governing is now politics, not execution.”
I disagree. American governance is now kabuki theater: The classic pose. The elegant gesture. Purest costume. Flawless make-up. Kabuki may be an ancient form of Japanese performance art, but it took the Democratic Party and the Republican Party to perfect it.
Actually, it might be more accurate to say that the performance’s sponsors have recently perfected the form; the Two Parties are expert actors on-stage. The box office has been wonderful, ticket reciepts are soaring. The show has been rehearsing for well over a century. The newly perfected performance will run for decades.
Evidentally, the audience also is enormously appreciative, judging by the number of ballots cast for Democrats and Republicans. Standing ovations every election.
You’ll never get 60 ponies for guaranteed immortality as long as you have to rely on Joe Lieberman.
How else is Actor going to get you out of your [ahem] lair?
Two words: Bean Salad.
There’s a lot of open questions on this thread but can we all agree that the floor show at the next Sadlynaut drinking event will be actor212 shoving flying monkeys up his butt?
That’s foreplay.
Someone should put that on a plaque and post it near the Capitol Hill steps.
Worst attempt to sell Emperor Obama’s health insurance giveaway. Evar.