This Man Could Be North Carolina’s Next State Senator
Well, he could be. He probably won’t be. But it’s almost, sorta, kinda possible if everyone in North Carolina were to take a lot of drugs right before election day.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Nathan Tabor:
National day of regret
Nathan Tabor
May 10, 2006To hear liberals tell it, George W. Bush doesn’t have a prayer of succeeding.
Pretty much, yeah.
What with the war in Iraq, soaring gasoline prices, and the high cost of medical care, the President’s critics dismiss him on good days as ineffectual…on bad days as a dunce.
It’s not just liberals who are saying this, Natester. It’s just about everyone. Or have you not noticed that G-Dubs’ approval rating has hit a stunning 31%?
Yet, the President, with his cockeyed optimism and can-do American spirit, seems to believe he can and will succeed. And he believes that much of the credit can be attributed to prayer.
Nope, I can’t believe he said it either. Before you continue reading, it might be wise to clean up whatever bodily fluids you may have just excreted on your chair or desk. Seriously, it’ll start to stink really bad if you wait until you’re done reading this piece. Go ahead. I’ll be waiting right here.
You all set? Did you remember to cover your entire desk and chair with a protective layer of plastic? Good. Let’s continue:
You see, this is a praying President. Maybe that’s why he catches so much flack from the media elite, who never met a praying man that they liked.
Jimmy Carter prayed too, you know. Of course, he was a liberal, so I bet secretly prayed to Ba’al, which explains why Ronald Reagan (a.k.a., God’s Chosen Candidate) trumped him so easily in 1980.
This is a Commander-in-Chief who believes strongly in the power of prayer to give wisdom, counsel, and fortitude to a leader. He believes that prayer not only moves mountains, but changes hearts.
I repeat: 31%. If Bush wants to escape this mess, he’ll have to pray a lot harder.
And he believes that the power of the Almighty is stronger than the power of the chairman of the Democratic Party.
It’s a fair point. I once tried asking Howard Dean to turn an Evian bottle into a can of Steel Reserve, just like Jesus made wine from water. Unfortunately, he just sort of looked at me funny and had Kos’ goon squad give me a full-frontal wedgie and throw me in the back alley behind DNC HQ. The bottom line is, if you want to throw a KILLER KEGGER, be sure to invite Jesus along instead of some loser-defeatist DEMONcrat.
In fact, this President was bold enough to say that prayer is the greatest gift a citizen can offer him. Not a vote. Not a contribution to the Republican Party. Prayer.
OK, I’m down with this idea: while all the liberals are out voting and giving money to campaigns, the conservatives will stay at home and pray that Republicans win. Please please please follow through on this strategy.
“In my travels across the great land, a comment that I hear often from our fellow citizens is, ‘Mr. President, I pray for you and your family.’ It’s amazing how many times a total stranger walks up and says that to me. You’d think they’d say, ‘How about the bridge?’ Or, ‘How about filling the potholes?’ No, they say, ‘I’ve come to tell you I pray for you, Mr. President.'”
I pray that Bush will resign. Does that count?
Yet, this is not a President who is commanding people to pray — as some on the left would have you believe.
“We are a people united by our love for freedom, even when we differ in our personal beliefs. In America, we are free to profess any faith we choose, or no faith at all.”
But those who don’t pray should be demonized and kept out of power at all costs!!!
Unfortunately, for many of us, the National Day of Prayer is a national day of regret. This is because we are not really free to pray at times in the land of the free. For instance, our children are banned from offering an earnest prayer at school — where prayer is often needed the most.
Say, Nate? Kids can pray at school. During moments of silence, children are free to say silent prayers. I remember this because I used to pray during moments of silence back in elementary school. And unless the ACLU has succeeded in suing people for thinking stuff, I’m pretty sure that kids can still in fact pray in school.
A number of liberals would like to shut down churches where pastors are bold enough to dare speak against modern-day ills such as abortion, the break-up of the family, and pornography. They claim such clergymen are venturing into the religious no-man’s land of politics.
Uh-huh. Notice how Nathan gives zero examples to back up this claim. (And for the record, I am against things like hate speech laws. I think the best way to deal with idiots is by laughing at them out in the open, rather than confining their idiocy to the shadows. And let’s face it: if we got rid of hate speech, then Gavin, Seb, Retardo, Travis and I wouldn’t have very much to blog about, would we?)
Retailers routinely secularize religious holidays, refusing to acknowledge God at all.
I still don’t understand why it’s Nathan’s concern that private businesses hang up “Happy Holidays” banners. And frankly, I’m pretty sure I never will.
This is curious, given the fact that national public opinion polls actually show that most people do believe in Him.
These retailers must be part of a vast conspiracy to make consumers so angry that they won’t buy anything.
This was a nation founded on deeply-held religious principles of right and wrong. Our laws are based on the Judeo-Christian tradition of morality.
Oh my God. Nathan. This country does not have laws that ban adultery or mandate respect for your parents. Come on, man. Use that brain a little bit.
Our founding fathers did, in fact, have more than a casual acquaintance with the Bible.
They had a pretty steady thing going before the Bible left them for the the younger, more attractive founding fathers on the other side of town.
Eliminating God from the public sphere is a short-sighted strategy. You may be able to keep peace with atheists in the short-term that way but, over the long haul, all it does is further divide our nation.
Simply put, we need more than a national day of prayer. We need 365 days of national prayer.
Simply put, we need to shred the Constitution and implement a theocracy.
Hey, Yosef? Would you please reconsider your decision not to run for Senate in N.C.? Your state needs you, dude.
Fitz
Oh I’m sorry I thought this was FDL
This is a Commander-in-Chief who believes strongly in the power of prayer to give wisdom, counsel, and fortitude to a leader.
Unfortunately, Cheney gave Bush the wrong postal address, and his prayers have been getting delivered to the God of Stupid. As the Mad Prophet said (peace be upon him), “Ask and ye shall recEIVE!”
I used to pray during moments of silence back in elementary school.
Dear Lord, please help me pass Maths tomorrow. Failing that, please do to Mrs White like you did to Job with the boils and sores.
Love you, elendil.
More prayer in schools.
Five times a day.
Face East.
Mandatory.
Does anybody remember back in the good old days, when the religious used to bitch about the fact that the holidays had become “too commercialized”?
I miss those days.
Our founding fathers did, in fact, have more than a casual acquaintance with the Bible.
Especially Thomas Jefferson, who even has his own version of the bible. One that leaves out all supernatural events, because Jefferson didn’t believe in them.
And unless the ACLU has succeeded in suing people for thinking stuff, I’m pretty sure that kids can still in fact pray in school.
Didn’t we invade Iraq because Saddam thought covetously about WMDs? Perhaps the ACLU has acquired the secret, advanced technology that allows indictment/invasion based on bad thoughts.
Thomas Jefferson … has his own version of the bible
I learn something new every day (Wikipedia entry on the Jefferson Bible). Thanks, Meri.
I learn something new every day (Wikipedia entry on the Jefferson Bible). Thanks, Meri.
You’re welcome. I only remembered it because I’ve had so many arguments about the US being founded as a christian nation. Not that it ever makes a difference.
I’m running as a write in candidate.
Actually, my parents live in his area and they say no one is taking him seriously up there. Basically, it all boils down to everyone thinks he’s a chundermuffin.
And I posted a “Getting to know your candidates” at 3Bulls! the other day. Has Tabor told you about how you can get in touch with him by emailing people at Sadly, No!? I doubt it.
He’s a pansy-ass cobag. Oh, hi Ann Ba… AAAGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I learn something new every day (Wikipedia entry on the Jefferson Bible).
Think of it as the ‘Shorter’ blog format (© d-squared; performing rights: B3) for the late 18th century.
God, I hate Reactionary Potsie.
Jeebus, Tabor is a screeching moron. With all the idiotic right-wingers I’ve been introduced to thru lefty blogs, it takes a whopping big pile of bullshit to impress me these days, but, consider me duly impressed.
Let’s see if I get how this “praying” thing works–you decide what you really want to do, though on some level you realize that it’s illegal or unethical. Then, you pray to Gawd and ask if it;s OK to do what you want to do. In your head, Gawd “answers,” and surprisingly enough, what you wanted to do is A-OK with Him! Huzzah! So, with a perfectly clear conscience, you start an unprovoked war that kills tens or hundreds of thousands of people. But, it’s all copacetic with Gawd, so it’s cool! Step 3: Profit!
Wow! Prayer is so freaking keul, maybe I should start doin’ it! Well, except that I already pretty much do whatever I want without the humiliating little dance beforehand….
YO!06 Chumpwads! You’ll be praying…that we don’t run out of Charmin!
Our version of C.R.E.E.T. is to toilet paper and doorbell ditch the other candidates.
This country does not have laws that ban adultery or mandate respect for your parents.
Sadly, No!
Sure, they’re blue laws, and they pretty much just make our ancestors look like the busy body jackasses they were, but many are still on the books. And they are still there for fucks like this guy, who are just waiting for the day that they can be enforced again.
Nice constant drug references Bradley. Have you learned nothing from the emus beflocking about your person?
They’re gonna need to pray 365 days a year for forgiveness on account of how they’ve FUCKED. EVERYTHING. UP.
you decide what you really want to do, though on some level you realize that it’s illegal or unethical. Then, you pray to Gawd and ask if it;s OK to do what you want to do. In your head, Gawd “answers,” and surprisingly enough, what you wanted to do is A-OK with Him!
Close. I would say that instead of In your head, Gawd “answers”… it would be more like, “Well, I never heard God say no!”
The best part of this is that his name is “Tabor“.
That’s almost as good as running a candidate named “Billy Ray Private Accounts” or “James Q. Preemptive Attack”.
No, they say, ‘I’ve come to tell you I pray for you, Mr. President.'”
Don’t you usually pray for people who are in a crisis? Or ill?
Ah…I get it now!
Bush expects people to come up to him and squawk about bridges and potholes? Who asks the president about potholes? Though a mayorship probaby would have been more within his capabilities. At least the sphere of damage would have been smaller.
“It’s amazing how many times a total stranger walks up and says that to me.”
Yep, it’s amazing how, during my tightly scripted and carefully planned events before selected audiences, that total strangers will walk up to me and say exactly the same thing a different total stranger said to me at the last tightly scripted and carefully planned event.
“Yet, this is not a President who is commanding people to pray — as some on the left would have you believe. ”
Did I miss Howard Dean’s speech where he warned us that “George Bush is commanding people to pray!”??????
“Yet, the President, with his cockeyed optimism and can-do American spirit, seems to believe he can and will succeed.”
Yes, the president SEEMS to believe a lot of things.
And he believes that the power of the Almighty is stronger than the power of the chairman of the Democratic Party.
We’ll see about that!
(throws holy water at computer screen)
The power of Dean compels you!
The power of Dean compels you!
(wet computer screen shorts out)
That’ll teach him!
At least the sphere of damage would have been smaller.
You’d think that, wouldn’t you? =D
Yet, this is not a President who is commanding people to pray — as some on the left would have you believe.
Who said Dubyuh was commanding people to pray? I thought he was a Mason like his daddy.
Eliminating God from the public sphere is a short-sighted strategy. You may be able to keep peace with atheists in the short-term that way but, over the long haul, all it does is further divide our nation.
A theocracy is indeed the best way to unite people. I am constantly amazed at the sheer number of pretentious snobs that conglomerate to engage in worship of ‘God Almighty’, not to be confused with lesser deities such as Thor, God of Thunder. But the atheists will still hate you. As will the Vikings.
OT, I know *apologies*, but the more topical piznost is giz-etting old n shite:
“ANN COULTER VOTER FRAUD: A First! Coulter Goes Silent! May Be Thrown Off Voter Rolls!”
http://www.bradblog.com/archives/00002807.htm
via alternet
Disturbing if true.
This is a Commander-in-Chief who believes strongly in the power of prayer to give wisdom, counsel, and fortitude to a leader. He believes that prayer not only moves mountains, but changes hearts.
He’s right; just not in the direction he thinks. Totally not. Face it; he’s effed up big-time, and his exclusive commitment to his personal, kooky, Christy-neocon values is the reason why. But, gosh, he’s a man of principles, and he takes pride in not bending no matter what, and his sub-basement approval rating is the result.
Stating the obvious, I know.
“cockeyed optimism”
Make that “beady-eyed.” Never trust a man with beady eyes, close together, like his. Do we have any physiognomists in the audience today?
I still, almost 6 years later, can’t believe that so many voters inherently trusted a man who looks like the stereotype of “shifty” and “mean.” Just goes to show you we are not, after all, a looks-ist society, at least not when it comes to male politicians. The preznits who’ve gotten the most respect in recent decades have been male, creepy, testy, and sexually repulsive. I don’t know where I stand on Bill Clinton’s looks (could never stand the bulbous nose), but compared to 85% of Republicans, he was a regular Baldir.
You, uh, do know that Tabor lost in the primaries here, yes? He’s out of the race.
Which is good for North Carolina and good for “Sadly No”. I suspect we’ll see more crazed columns from him now that he’s no longer running.
Yeah, because Bush would never demand that people prey for him. Never!
US soldiers in Iraq asked to pray for Bush
They may be the ones facing danger on the battlefield, but US soldiers in Iraq are being asked to pray for President George W Bush.
Thousands of marines have been given a pamphlet called \”A Christian\’s Duty,\” a mini prayer book which includes a tear-out section to be mailed to the White House pledging the soldier who sends it in has been praying for Bush.
\”I have committed to pray for you, your family, your staff and our troops during this time of uncertainty and tumult. May God\’s peace be your guide,\” says the pledge, according to a journalist embedded with coalition forces.
The pamphlet, produced by a group called In Touch Ministries, offers a daily prayer to be made for the US president, a born-again Christian who likes to invoke his God in speeches.
Sunday\’s is \”Pray that the President and his advisers will seek God and his wisdom daily and not rely on their own understanding\”.
Monday\’s reads \”Pray that the President and his advisers will be strong and courageous to do what is right regardless of critics\”.
The White House. The Residence. 9PM. GW Bush in his jammies, the ones with Bradley fighting vehicles on them. Puts vodka bottle back behind potted ficus tree and kneels down beside his bed.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray…umm–I always forget that one. OK. Um, hi, god. It’s me, georgie. ‘Member? I’m praying here to ask fer yer help on a couple thangs, ‘kay? First, Laura was ‘splaining to me what these poll results mean. Lotsa ‘mericans don’t LIKE me. I’m sad about that, god–make ’em like me again, puh-leeze???
Second, this whole Leg Assy thing. Condi says my Leg Assy is “threatened”. I’m not sure what my Leg Assy is, but I’m scared that it’s threatened. Please, god, make my Leg Assy all better real soon, ok?
Oh, and I want to go land on another aircraft carrier real soon, ok? Can I please? Or is that one I should ask Karl?
Amen
mikey
Washington was rumored to have been a unitarian, but he largely kept his convictions to himself. John Adams actually became a member of a Unitarian church and believed in universal salvation. Jefferson wrote that he shared Adams’ unitarian convictions. John Quincy Adams’ religion was much like his fathers. They all hoped that religion would move away from the wars over creeds, learn to moderate their theology, and tolerate others.
I doubt these founders and early presidents fit well with the theology that conservative evangelicals argue should be “restored” to our nation.
Kman – for real? That’s excellent! I saw his signs all over the place last time I went home.
BTW, tabor was also the name for some of the Morroccan assasins in the Spanish Civil War. Unfortunately, as a surname, it’s pretty common in the Winston-Salem area.
Close. I would say that instead of In your head, Gawd “answers”… it would be more like, “Well, I never heard God say no!”
Homer Simpson tried something similar to that once.
“Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever.”
[Pause]
“Thy will be done . . . ”
[scarfs down cookies]
Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit, but it can still be hilarious. Better get off now and change my undershorts and trousers.
“National Day of Regret” – I thought he was refering to the results of the ’04 election. What a douche.
incredibly OT, but…
i hate john fund so much. so very berry munchkin much. he is a bad.
a very bad.
person.