Slurp harder, Hindy!


Free Advice for President Bush

The President hasn’t asked for my advice, but here it is anyway.

You know how the Democrats are always after you to admit that you made a mistake? You’ve wisely ignored them; they don’t have your interests at heart, and the policies they’re talking about weren’t mistakes. The time has come, though, to go on national television and say you were wrong, and you’ve changed your mind. About immigration.

Oh, darling. I don’t care what you done, what those other people think. They don’t have your interests at heart like I do. Just tell me you care, baby. Just gimme a sign…

Give a major speech in prime time. Say that you still think that a long-term solution to the immigration issue should include a guest worker program. Acknowledge, however, that many Americans disagree and there is currently no consensus on a long-range policy. Say that, more fundamentally, you’re now convinced that our first priority has to be getting control over our borders. Until we control our borders, and know who is coming and going, any immigration policy we may announce will be meaningless anyway.

Tell ’em anything, anything. Tell ’em how you’re still the man. ‘Cause you listen to me, baby: You’re still the man. You go tell ’em. Don’t make me feel shame, darling. I’m not ashamed of you, I feel shame for them. Truly.

So, discussion about long-term approaches to immigration will continue. But in the meantime, your priority will be securing the borders and enforcing the laws currently on the books. Which means that the crackdown on employers of illegals will be expanded. Announce some specific measures to begin securing the Mexican border, preferably including some kind of fence.

“You’ll never find,
It’ll take the end of all time,
Someone to understand you,
Like I do.
You’ll never find,
The rhythm, the rhyme,
All the magic we shared,
Just us two…”

This simple act will cause your approval ratings to begin rebounding, re-energize Republicans, and assure that the party keeps its Congressional majorities in November. If you really want to get the conservative base back in your corner, go and meet with the Minutemen–on camera–and tell them you appreciate what they’re doing.

[cue boinging sounds, cuckoo-cuckoo noises, eep-wow! sound of Little Rascals baking an eep-wow cake]

That’s step one. Here’s step two. It was announced this morning that Republicans in the House and Senate have agreed to extend the capital gains cut for another two years. You think this is sound public policy because it will be good for the economy. You’re right, but no one cares. The economy has been terrific for years; how much good has it done you or the Republican Party? That’s right. Little or none.

You need to couple this tax cut with spending cuts. Tax cuts unaccompanied by spending restraint are rightly viewed with cynicism by both conservatives and liberals. Focus on earmarks; even the liberals don’t try to defend them. Threaten to veto any spending bill that contains a single earmark. Then do it. If that creates a temporary problem with the appropriations process, talk about the need for a line-item veto. Not only will an all-out attack on earmarks warm the hearts of the Republican faithful, it will be broadly supported across the political spectrum.

The La’s – ‘That’ll Be the Day’ (2:23)

If you do these two things, you will reinvogorate your administration. You will demonstrate that as President, you are still the nation’s most powerful political figure. You will regain the trust and enthusiastic support of the Republican Party. And you will assure that, with continuing Republican control of Congress, the remainder of your administration will be devoted to productive work on behalf of the American people, not defending yourself against politically-motivated “investigations” and impeachment proceedings.
Posted by John at 06:47 AM | Permalink

Hindenfreude: The pleasure experienced whilst watching the spectacular intellectual collapse of John Hinderaker, of Time Magazine’s 2004 Blog of the Year.


Comments: 38


I can’t get enough of the “politically motivated” thing- how else do politicians function? Besides hormonally or greedily or Jesusly?

I wish it were 1994 Blog of the year. That would have been awesome. I might have had it bookmarked on Mosaic. Maybe along with Satchel Sports.


Dude, you missed the La’s video!


I am still listening to Television!

I just woke up!

I was up til 4:30.



I don’t think John Hinderaker has any business offering advice to “a man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius. . .”


Mavers has a 3 year olds haircut yet looks like he’s 50. The drummer is kicking it old school. I wish you could pipe that into Hinderaker’s head. God I wish we could put an implant in his brain and program his internal soundtrack. He’d go around trying to pretend he wasn’t crazy and hearing things.

I’d start him off with some bars of soothing BLT then go to that needle-across a record sound and then maybe play what could only be anathema to him- Neil Young. Then “Genius of Love” 5000 times in a row.


Umm, intellectual collapse? What collapse?


The fact is that the President is the leader of the greatest nation on earth, and I for one would be honored to kneel before him and fellate him until his essence gushed forth.


Why is that corndog on fire in the last picture? Was it flammable mustard?


Umm, intellectual collapse? What collapse?

Exactly. You need an intellect for starters in order for it to collapse.


Eep-wow. I didn’t think anybody else knew that episode. I love the “eep-wow” cake.

Bush is teh eep-wow president.


“Reinvogorate?” Is that to subject someone again to the third-worst poetry in the known universe?

Vogon blogging…what a concept.


Intellectual collpase. you so funny, Joe!


Shorter Right Wing Blogosphere:

Hey, GOP! If only you’d slaughtered all those immigrant protestors, we’d happily vote for you! As it is, we’ll be sobbing as we pull the lever for you anyways. Why do you make us cry? We love you!


You know what this post does? It makes me sad that a guy name John writes for Powerline. There should only be one John associated with power, and that’s John Power, dammit.

John Power was awesome. And Cast was really underrated.




I can’t get enough of that picture of Hinderaker. Where does it come from?


Uh… I detected thoughtcrime.

This simple act will cause your approval ratings to begin rebounding

Bush’s approval ratings are 210%. It is only because of traitors in the MSM that they are depicted as dipping below 105%. They have in fact been monotonically increasing since 4004 BC, when God created Bush jr and appointed him President for Life (Eternal).

I can’t get enough of that picture of Hinderaker. Where does it come from?

From a very scary, dark place. Makes look pretty tame, don’t it?


I’ve never seen, and now I don’t want to. What is it, the same place where that picture of the hairy guy in the pool with his baby daughter came from?


Oh, please please please, Mr. Bush, take the advice of your loyal servant! Please piss off all those corporations that give Republicans money and ditch their slave labor plan. Oh please let every Hispanic person in the U.S. see you sucking face with the Minutemen. Please take away Republican Congresscritters’ ability to collect bribes in exchange for earmarks.

Yes, truly your plan is what will save America, Mr. Assrocket!


So who got Time’s 2005 Blog of the Year award? Or did the 2004 award turn out to be such a huge fucking flameout disaster that they quietly retired it and prayed nobody remembered it had existed in the first place?


Lemme try this.

Shorter Assrocket: Mr. President, you’re approval ratings suck. The only chance you have of avoiding prison now is to kill, abuse, deport, torment and neglect as many brown people as you can. Hey, the Minutemen are all white anyway, right?

Nah, I suck at shorter. I oughta see if there’s any funny in “Longer”….



I think they dropped it spencer. I tried to google it once, and didn’t find anything. Not that that is a scientific answer.


They were going to give it to Sadly No. But then they realised they were just savages and dropped the idea. Also the Pope died so they had to drop all other content for three months.


What is it, the same place where that picture of the hairy guy in the pool with his baby daughter came from?

(pursed-lip silence, having just signed the Online Civiltegrity Pledge)

(or let’s just say: tacet us)


The economy has been terrific for years?


For assrockets? Yes. For most others? Sadly, nein!


If that creates a temporary problem with the appropriations process, talk about the need for a line-item veto.

Yeah, because that signing statement business just doesn’t give him quite enough concentrated power just yet. Great idea.


How come we never hear about that nasty northern border that needs to be walled off?


“Announce some specific measures to begin securing the Mexican border, preferably including some kind of fence.”

I’ve been trying to figure out why Power Line suddenly stopped posting Dr. BLT’s songs.

Does anybody know if he was dropped because of that pro-immigrant song of his, I think it’s called The Immigrant? I can’t find the link, but I was thinking maybe some of you who follow this strange cult figure have it. I know that for awhile there, they were acting like he was the next Beatles, posting everything he put out, and then suddenly, nothing.

ghosts of infamous sadly No trolls of yore

No, sadly, we don’t have the link, but some of the ghosts among us are still sleeping, so when they wake up, we’ll ask them.


Yes, Mr. President, please explain how you need a line item veto. Never mind that the courts have ruled it unconstitutional! You have the power to do whatever you want, anyways. After all, the tyrants in black robes are just activist judges.

Clinton v City of New York, 524 US 417 (1998).

Rule of law! Rule of law!

ghosts of infamous sadly No trolls of yore

A couple more ghosts have gotten up from their spring slumber, but still, none will cough up the link, at least no direct links to The Immigrant itself You must keep in mind that Dr. BLT’s songs are guilty pleasures even among infamous sadly trolls of your. One of us ghosts who wishes not to be identified did offer this:


Thanks trolls! That link actually helped a lot. It also took us to that new song he’s got protesting Neil Young’s protest CD. What a walking contradiction this guy is! Is he a right-winger, a left-winger, or is this stuff all just satire?

ghosts of infamous sadly No trolls of yore

Exactly! That’s why his membership application to our society of infamous trolls is still sitting on our infamous leader’s desk.


Hi Doc. Talking to yourself again? Tsk tsk. You need to be a bit more minimal (ha! ponder that) to slip under radar as an anonymous BLT supporter.

Loose lips sink ships, they say. 😛

ghosts of infamous sadly No trolls of yore

Now, if you are Dr. BLT, MCH, I have to give you credit. That is an exremely complex and clever disguise. As for your efforts to reveal our identities, out of respect for the confidentiality of each member, newcomers are assured that their identities will never be revealed. However, as for the Doc, let me just say the “guilty” in “guilty pleasure” is greater than the pleasure, so if we had any ties to him or associations with him, we would be the last to admit it. Once again, MCH, if you are Dr. BLT, we have to hand it to you. You are extremely clever.


I would suggest we all just take a step back, take a deep breath and let things cool off. Honestly, everybody’s starting to smell like bacon, and it’s getting to be a real ‘wich hunt around here. A guy or girl can’t even come on here anonymously any more without somebody suspecting that he/she is really Dr. BLT. I’m afraid that we’re entering an new era of McCarthyism at Sadly No. Of course being Dr. BLT would be a good thing, even a great thing, but when everybody and his/her mother is “accused” of being Dr. BLT, the distinct honor seems dubious at best.


I guess he took Poweerline’s advice….


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