Two-Minute Townhall (with a pair of special guests!)
C’mon, y’all, let’s git ‘r done!
Shorter Daniel Son: Environmentalists are hopeless hypocrites for advocating policies that prevent the world’s poor from building their own power plants.
Shorter Walter Williams: Self-interest is virtually indistinguishable from charity.
Shorter Dustin Hawkins: It’s too bad Jeb Bush can’t simultaneously serve Florida as both governor and senator. Also, Harold Ford is raising an awful lot of money for his senate race from outside the State of Tennessee (draw your own dark conclusions).
Shorter Michelle Malkin: Mollycoddling minorities is undermining our national security in more ways than one.
Shorter Linda Chavez: The president’s plan to circumvent FISA and wiretap Americans’ phones isn’t just legal — it’s good politics!
Shorter Brent Bozell: No one ever lost an election by promoting voter cynicism.
Shorter Ben Shapiro: According to a National Guardsman I spoke to, things are actually going pretty great in Iraq nearly all the time.
Shorter John Stossel: Despite what the mainstream media report, we’re living in a virtual utopia of health, safety and — hey, my book’s out this week!
Shorter Thomas Sowell: Are criminals in black ghettoes to blame for high gasoline prices? Not exactly, but an analogy could be drawn.
Shorter Jacob Sullum: And now a word from our sponsors, the sodapop manufacturers.
Shorter Joel Mowbray: I thought of some more reasons why Bush was right to invade Iraq.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: In order to prop up his ailing approval rating, Bush should vigorously defend his warrantless wiretap program, dispatch troops to the Mexican border, cut government spending and veto some bills.
Shorter Mike S. Adams: Did I ever tell you about the time I wrote a column insulting some secretary in my department, and she went home crying? That was awesome.
Shorter Jonah Goldberg: True academic freedom would essentially prohibit the criticism of ideas with which you disagree — but try telling that to campus leftists, who are hypocrites.
Shorter Kathleen Parker: Men are the true victims of date rape.
Shorter Richard Cohen: On second thought, I’ll just wait outside until you call me to dinner; this kitchen is too darn hot!
Yeah, about that fish thing…the world’s record for both yellow and white perch is under 5lbs. If Dubya really caught a 7.5lb perch…well, I suppose it could be a mistranslation. Or a stinking lie.
Bravo. I’m disappointed in Stossel, though. Surely he could have jabbered about the soda thing while plugging his book.
His actual column reminds me in some vague way of the “I have this rock that keeps tigers away” concept. Sure, Americans are living longer than before. (On average, of course. We won’t mention the poor or people in jobs like mining or chemical manufacturing.) They may even be healthier and happier, though I’ve seen some studies lately that kind of tend to dispute that.
But, you know, we could probably push that average up some more if we started keeping an eye on what’s being put in our foods and who’s testing our drugs and what kind of crap is ending up in our water and who’s lobbying to defeat workplace safety regs…
Would it be acceptable, Mr Stossel, if, on the occasion of your being diagnosed with some form of cancer related to your cigars, we just remind you that hey, Americans are living longer? I mean, who cares about you? It’s the average that’s important!
This is why guys like Stossel piss me off. They have no conception that behind every “acceptable risk” or lower-than-the-mean statistic that goes into your average is, you know, an actual person. People who don’t get that shouldn’t be helping to shape public policy.
Actually, I hear they’re now saying it was a largemouth bass, which would be a not-unreasonable size for one, but I tell you what, not knowing the difference between a perch and a lunker bass ain’t gonna help his numbers in the red states any.
Could be a bass. Could be a coverup.
I so want the Republicans to lose a seat or two in Alabama because Dubya lied about fishing.
“Award-winning news correspondent John Stossel is co-anchor of ABC News”
And he’s complaining about the “mainstream media.”
Oh, the huge irony.
That Mike Adams guy sure is a dickless little bitch. Every column is replete with obviously faked anecdotes about how he intimidated and otherwise defeated some liberal somewhere. He’s acting all hard and shit, like he’s gonna shoot some motherfuckers or something. Hey Mike, REAL badasses don’t brag about how tough they are on the internet. What a fucking biiiiiitch.
Shorter Mike Adams: I’m a wimpy-assed little dick.
How he stays on at UNCW, assuming his ancedotes are true, is a mystery to me. Which makes me think he equates his imaginary beat-ups of libs with actually having done it.
From the Mikey Adams column, ” I was happy that he expanded my thesis and that he did it free of charge. But I was irritated that I loaded a 30-round magazine for no reason.”
Have you ever run into anybody who so consistently trumpets to the world his desire to waste somebody? What is it with this guy? Did he get picked on every day in 7th grade and has never abandoned his revenge fantasies? Or is this just an obvious correlary to his well-known (because he broadcasts this too) erectile disfunction?
King Spirula – Dr. Mike Adams, PhD is the physical embodiment of the argument against giving tenure to professors. He’s also admitted that hearing the word ‘vagina’ gives him erectile dysfunction. He’s all man, though. Seriously.
Travis – great shorter on that Jacob Sullum guy, although another explanation for his insistence that coca-cola is just as good for you as fruit juice could be the fact that the Clintons are involved. It usually takes a Clinton for a wingnut to make a claim that no health professional in the world is going to stand behind.
How much of an intentionally obtuse jackoff do you have to be to write something like this:
So will schools start searching students’ bags for contraband soda? Will CSPI threaten a new lawsuit to establish soda-free zones around schools? The soft drink companies may yet regret cutting this deal.
Fucking Wankers.
They don’t still let that pud Stossel on 60 minutes, do they? I remember seeing him years ago (I think before it was known he was a wingnut) doing one of his panicked reports about something and thinking “That guy’s fucking stupid.”
Ha ha, they’re all largemouth bass by the time I’ve finished with them.
(One for your English readers there.)
Longer Shorter Mike Adams: “No matter what you liberals do, including inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide, you’re proving my point. HA HA HA HA HA! I win again!”
Okay, ClownHall really needs to fire their copy editor(s). I found this spelling error in one of their ads. (Either that or the NRCC, who created the ad.)
well, I suppose it could be a mistranslation. Or a stinking lie.
Yeah, but who doesn’t lie about fishing?
When I look at Mikey’s picture I get the urge to punch him in the nose. Does anybody else get that too?
Tucker Carlson has the same effect on me.
The thing that gets me about Adams is that he is supposedly a professional, credentialed criminologist. Does he do any research on, you know, criminology? He definitely doesn’t mention it in his Townhall bio.
Everybody supposedly lies about two things: fishing and sex. So, since Clinton lied about sex and was impeached for it, can we impeach Bush for lying about fishing?
I mean, the hell with secret torture camps, fixing the intel on Iraqi WMDs, illegal wiretapping, the guy claimed he caught a 7.5 pound perch! People, what does it take?!?!
There’s a whole thing in comments for Dr. Mike PhD’s column today where someone pointed out a typo, and then it got fixed and, and now people are attacking the person who pointed it out. High-larious.
D. Sidhe mentions the “I have this rock that keeps tigers away” concept.
Them: President McHitlerBurton* is doing a good job because he’s prevented another 9/11 style attack.
Me: No, no, the reason we haven’t been attacked is because of my magic rock** that keeps terrorists away.
*Well, they say “Bush”, but I hear McHitlerburton.
**cf Much Apu About Nothing
WTF? I mosweyed over to the UNCW website to see what it said about Mike S. Penis, and I took a look at the syllabus from his Intro to Criminal Justice class. The description of one class caught my eye:
I will also take a few minutes to talk about the Simpson verdict. Specifically, I will talk about why he is guilty well beyond any conceivable doubt and why the jury failed to arrive at such a simple and obvious conclusion.
And at the end of the syllabus, the first two assignments:
Assignment #1
TURN THIS IN TYPED AND WITHOUT ANY IDENTIFICATION
WHATSOEVER!!!
1. If you were to choose one book, magazine, or genre of material that should be
banned from the UNCW library what would it be? Why?
2. If you were to choose one person or group that should not be allowed to speak,
demonstrate, or assemble on this campus who would it be? Why?
3. Use the space below to say something that you have always wanted to say.
Perhaps you never said it because you were afraid that you would hurt or offend
someone. Perhaps you thought that your commentary would make you look
stupid or get you into trouble. Express yourself. Big Brother is not watching.
4. PLEASE GIVE ME A LIST OF ALL THE MATERIALS IN YOUR TRASH CAN(S)AT HOME. (No, I’m not kidding).
Assignment #2
DEFINITELY TURN THIS IN TYPED AND WITHOUT ANY IDENTIFICATION
WHATSOEVER!!!
1. Tell me about the worst thing you have ever done. This may have been a felony
or just a misdemeanor. Maybe it was just something really deviant.
Dan, that “worst thing you have ever done” assignment has come up before, either here or at World O’Crap. As I recall, Adams wrote a column or two about how lately it seems like more of his students cite sexual things as their worsts, and pointed out how arousing, er, I mean, disturbing that is. So much for confidences.
Dan,
Maybe those assignments are where all his “confrontations” come from, and that last assignment is just fucking creepy. He’s a boner-fide perv.
Stossel was (and is) 20/20. Sixty Minutes was Geraldo.
Dueling ‘staches, matching IQs.
Wait, wait, wait, wtf. Is that actually copy-paste from Dr Mike’s syllabus?
What a fucking pervert!
Also, who wants to bet that he uses that assignment to crack down on the kids who put down ‘liberal’ answers? And wtf does this have to do with criminology?
Dr Mike raises being an Internet Tough Guy to nearly an art form. Does anyone recall that column where he makes fun of a feminist for being named “Daisy”, saying it’s a stripper name?
I almost wanted to set him up for a meeting with my friend Daisy. She’s a biomechanical engineering student, top of her class, and she knows martial arts. She could kick his ass any way he picked. Of course, it might be an unfair fight, since Dr Mike curls up and starts crying when in the presence of a vagina.
Well, to be fair, Adams’s specialty is listed on the UNCW Sociology/Criminal Justice department brochure as “Deviant Behavior.”
Ahem.
Low-hanging fruit, anyone?
On another occasion, I suggested that the average feminist IQ was low enough to render the term “feminist scholar� an oxymoron. An angry feminist wrote and asked me what the term “oxymoron� meant.
Dr. Mike writes like a bad impersonation of Rodney Dangerfield. Also, I can’t suspend my disbelief enough to consider that someone would write to a column’s author to ask the definition of a word. Wha?
kathleen parker…her hatred of women, children and baby seals never ceases to amaze me.
The fact is, the wonderfully brilliant and talented President Bush _did_ land a 7.5lb perch. The fact that no one else has come close to this only reflects the incompetence of anglers in general, and the traitorous schemes of the Democrat Party and the homosexual lobby.