If you say so
Posted on December 10th, 2009 by
The blogger known as Burt Noyes known as American News Blog writes:
Tiger [Woods] is undoubtedly a sex addict. The nine or so women who have come forward so far are just the tip of the iceberg. The real number is probably in the dozens or even hundreds. Don’t be surprised if it turns out Tiger has been paying porn stars for sex and possibly even had sex with other men [WTF?!?].
Which explains why the next paragraph reads:
Meanwhile, everyone loves to pile on when one of their heroes comes crashing to earth. … The fall of the mighty makes the mediocre feel better about their dull and mundane existence.
That seems about right.
everyone loves to pile on
I prefer to watch. Watching is good.
I never heard of this Noyes, but I wonder how much of the general right-blogosphere schedenfreude over Woods has to do with glee at seeing an interracial marriage crash and burn.
No shorter here and this one’s worth clicking, if only to read Noye’s first line:
No kiddin’?
It’s almost no fun that they have taken away the ability to make fun of them by doing it themselves.
Almost.
Taking advantage of the many young, attractive & foolish wymyn throwing themselves at you: Sex addict! Also: Doodze!!!
And see Lisa S. at American Blinker for the low down.
Tiger, Barack, and the Law of Transitivity
That second sentence is pretty good too:
Where do you even start with that one? Can a sentence actually have a pout?
Fuck WP’s mom w/ a splintery broomstick!
Oh, that doesn’t get et.
Does American Blinker trigger WP?
http://www.americanthinker.com/2009/12/tiger_barrack_and_the_law_of_t.html
You wait right here. I’ll go get Warren!
The fall of the
mightyGOP makes themediocresane feel better about theirdullsecular andmundanereality-based existence.Fixxored for greate justice.
Fixxored for greate justice.
Judiciously, as you will.
How does one live in a house without mirrors?
Shorter:
It is a dull and mundane existence to have not ever had sex with other men.
Dull and mundane.
Perkins should hire Tiger to do commercials!
I quite like the news approach here.
Intense marriage counseling at home!
~
Don’t be surprised if it turns out Tiger has been paying porn stars for sex. And don’t be surprised if, like, Tiger Woods is all like “excuse me Miss, would you like to see my putter” and don’t be surprised if she’s all like “Oh, Tiger, I think you might get a hole in one” and don’t be surprised if she like starts taking her top off and then don’t be surprised if she starts like doing this sexy little dance and then don’t be surprised if Tiger like starts undoing his belt and don’t be surprised if they start going at each other and don’t be surprised if it gets faster and faster and… oh. Ohhhhhhh. Oh, GOD.
sorry i got a little surprised there.
Yeah, plus, what? Tiger having had sex with hundreds of pornstars doesn’t particularly make me feel less inadequate.
If you give a Tiger a porn star, he might want to sneak away from his wife.
Green Balloons!
Guess this shows which was chosen, the lady or the Tiger.
If you give a Tiger a porn star, he might want to sneak away from his wife.
If you give a Tiger a porn star, he’ll have a porn star just one day.
If you teach a Tiger how to be a porn star, he’ll have porn stars all his life.
I quite like the news approach here
Expect reactionary blogs to go to that technology/approach the minute they can afford it.
Modelings of Obama meeting w/ Hitler’s ghost, then having to rush him out of the Oval Office ’cause Stalin’s ghost is next on the sched, & you know what happens when you get those two in the same dimension!
If you give a Tiger a porn star
A most controversial children’s book
The sad thing is I’d enjoy that very much.
I’d enjoy that very much.
Nothing wrong w/ that, it’s Sitcom Gold!
Fixed to make an even better sitcom.
What? You mean to tell me that a famous sports superstar has been getting some groupie action on the side?!?
*faints*
Meanwhile, I’m seeing (& sadly, hearing) Andy Schlafly on Colbert … now there’s a walking ad for nasal decongestants if ever I’ve heard one. That man-boy’s vox makes Palin sound like Edith Piaf.
Seems kinda like a retread of If You Give a Pig a Party…
Obama meeting w/ Hitler’s ghost
Can a centrist Democrat and a dead facist dictator get along in a New York apartment? Find out this Fall on FOX!
Their on a collision course with wackiness!
If You Give a Pig a Party…
Which Party do you think you get?
I never heard of this Noyes, but I wonder how much of the general right-blogosphere schedenfreude over Woods has to do with glee at seeing an interracial marriage crash and burn.
As Steffgen predicted, the media now force interracial images into the public mind and a number of perfectly rational people react to these images with an altogether natural revulsion. The white person who does not mind transacting business with a black bank clerk may yet be averse to accepting the clerk as his sisterinlaw, and THIS IS NOT RACISM, no matter what Madison Avenue, Hollywood and Washington tell us.
Also NOT RACIST:
http://spiritwaterblood.com/docs/greatsouthernleagueracedebate.html
NOT RACISM, BITCHES!!!!
Derbyshire had an important comment on this story earlier today.
J – thanks. Thanks a lot.
Now I feel dirty.
Ewww. Not only John Derbyshire, but also Derbyshire linking to Steve Sailer. I have to go take a long, hot shower now.
The white person who does not mind transacting business with a black bank clerk may yet be averse to accepting the clerk as his sisterinlaw
Wait, is this an episode of that Obama/Hitler’s Ghost sitcom? ‘Cause I totally think the bank clerk should be played by Niecy Nash.
Unemployment/new business update: well, I start a new (part time, low wage) job tomorrow, but I figure with getting ready to launch the new business, making even a little money on the side would be a good thing. So, my “unemployment” lasted for 6 days. I’m going to be working at a Hallmark shop, which should be …interesting…but when I went in and talked to the manager, I told her, hey, I might only be here for 3 months, it depends on how quickly the new business takes off, but you really won’t have to spend any time training me either. She said that worked for her, so I start in the morning.
On the business front, I’ve projected out a year of revenue, expenses, cash flow, etc etc etc…and it looks like even with extremely conservative estimates, we would end the year with over $75,000 in profit. So finding the startup funding looks like it just got a lot easier.
Hot damn, y’all, as god is my witness, I will never be an employee again!
Well, at least not after I finish up at the Hallmark shop.
I’m going to be working at a Hallmark shop, which should be …interesting…
That gives you scope for some serious subversion.
Congrats, Jennifer!
But I think a conservative estimate would show you having $1.8 billion in profit by the end of the first month. You know, because conservative = liar and all.
“The nine or so women who have come forward so far are just the tip of the iceberg. The real number is probably in the dozens or even hundreds.”
Dozens? Hundreds? That’s all? He’ll never come close to Wilt Chamberlain’s record:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_life_of_Wilt_Chamberlain#Love_life_and_.2220.2C000_women.22_claim
Wilt “The Stilt”, indeed.
That gives you scope for some serious subversion.
I could re-arrange the SnowBabies so they look like they’re having sex.
Make sure you stock up on a big supply of caganers.
Wait- how exactly is Woods a sex addict, it’d be one thing if he was sneaking in nooners during rounds on tour, or getting caught with call girls- but this so far sounds more like the behavior of a someone with a ton of opportunities and no belief in commitment and fidelity. Is 9 partners (10 with his wife) supposed to seem like a ton or something- I mean he’s not Wilt Chamberlain (where compulsion could be a decent argument)?
“Don’t be surprised if it turns out Tiger has . . . even had sex with other men.”
Because having sex with a bunch of different women is like so totally gay and stuff.
“In 1991, Chamberlain wrote his second autobiography, A View from Above. There, the lifelong bachelor claimed he had sex with 20,000 women. For this to be true, he would have had to have had sex with 1.14 women per day from the age of 15 up until the day of his death, a rate of almost eight women a week.”
I think Wilt was using the same statitician Fox News uses to count the number of people at Teabag protests.
Sex is surprisingly iceberg tipping when hundreds come forward.
statitician
If this comes down to “Count the number of boobies and then divide by two”, then I am interested in further vocational advice.
Did anyone hear the report about the teabaggers on NPR today? Hilarious. He interviewed this one woman who admitted that her real problem is with our president…she’s saying “it’s like every day there’s something else he does that upsets me” and I’m yelling over the radio, “it’s like every day I wake up and he’s STILL BLACK!” and so on and so forth. Really, my narrative made a lot more sense than hers did.
I’m sorry, but the neighbors were complaining about the Noyes.
The nine or so women who have come forward so far are just the tip of the iceberg.
Chilly!
~
And what is up with all these hot women throwing themselves at a guy just because he’s handsome, athletic, incredibly fit, a great sportsmen, famous, popular, sophisticated, hard working, and fantastically wealthy?
That is so different from the type of men that such types would fling themselves at. Don’t they know of how many conservative bloggers are available?
The nine or so women who have come forward so far are just the tip of the iceberg.
This is as may be, but how does Chucklehead know? This really is a pouty jealous screed.
Unlike Mr. Noyes, I get a huge kick out of the idea that Tiger may have been boffing the trophy wives of country-club assholes who’d rather he was banned from their courses altogether.
Learning a new language doesn’t have to be hard, especially when “Tea Bag” is so minimalistic! Learn to speak Tea Bag today.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120344047&ft=1&f=1057
Chuck Norris says, “Let me see whether I can summarize the chestnuts roasting on that Copenhagen fire.”
I was going to link but then I thought, “I kinda like you guys.”
I’m confused by the right-wing even accepting the concept of sex addiction. I thought that these sorts of things were a sign of moral weakness. Blaming an addiction seems a little hippy-ish to me.
I suppose that so many of their moral leaders have had to use the “I’m not a hypocrite, I’m just an addict!” excuse that they’ve had to internalize it into their belief system.
Ain’t that Norris feller one o’ them elitist Hollywood actor types?
I thought they were supposed to just shut up about politics?
Ain’t that Norris feller one o’ them elitist Hollywood actor types?
Its been down hill for this country ever since the voters of California elected a B movie actor as governor. Why are conservatives so enthralled with mediocre Hollywood.
I can only imagine the pure horror of a Hollywood actor getting elected President.
gocart – thanks for that. Actually, the bit I heard was here.
Teh Funny starts at about 6:30 in…when she starts talking about Obama, you can pretty much re-work each sentence with some permutation of “he’s black” into it, and then it makes sense – if you’re a racist or simply know how to spot one.
I do not think that the words “undoubtedly” and “addict” mean what Butt Noise thinks they mean. And yes, I did spell his name wrong on purpose and laugh like a 9-year-old. Yes. Yes I said yes.
Obama is black. He is also worse than Hitler. Why does being black excuse this? Why does being black (or half, like Tiger) give you an excuse to not ever be called on anything? You can rape, kill, steal and blame society. That’s stupid. And not rasist to say so. Just real.
Liberals are stupid. They think black people and muslims are there buddies. But they will kill and rape them given a chance.
Like those voices in your head are “real”, huh? And the bugs crawling on you? LOOK! A black helicopter! HIDE!
Godwin bless you.
It’s too late. The “spiders” have eaten almost all of Paul’s brain, now. There is nothing we can do but abandon him to the aliens. Then, we’ll nuke the base from orbit.
It’s the only way to be sure.
Why does being black (or half, like Tiger) give you an excuse to not ever be called on anything? You can rape, kill, steal and blame society.
Troll is slipping, he for got that Obama is a Halfrican as well.
I know what he means though; the prisons are packed w/ whiteys. No black person has been convicted of a crime since O. J. got off, right?
It’s been downhill for this country ever since the voters of California elected a B movie actor as governor.
You’ll have to be more specific than that. The one they have in office now, or the one who went on to be President?
Obama is black.
Oh… my… GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!1!!one!!!!!!uno!!1!!
Thank you. THANK YOU for alerting us all to that fact!
He is also worse than Hitler.
You know who else is worse than Hitler? HITL… wait, I’ll come in again.
Obama is taking freedom away from us daily. The freedom to worship God, have guns, choose our health care, our schools, the freedom to be safe from islams. He is black, and tehrefore inferior.
Obama is taking freedom away from us daily. The freedom to worship God, have guns, choose our health care, our schools, the freedom to be safe from islams.
Don’t forget the freedom to lie about your military status to make yourself seem like an internet tough guy.
He is black, and tehrefore inferior.
You know, I am sick to death of this fucking racist asshole.
Conspicuously fake troll is conspicuously fake.
Y’know, having been a fan of Holly Sampson’s work for years now, good for Tiger Woods.
Tiger [Woods] is undoubtedly a sex addict.
Laddies and Germs, we have this year’s winner of the uncoveted Frist Award for needless and incompetent diagnosis. With these guys, competence times certainty always equals the smallest possible nonzero value. Peak Wingnut approaches as the limit of that value approaches zero.
Wingnut projection also plays here. Noyes may well have had sex with every last woman who would have him, and so he assumes Tiger Woods did as well. And we can see why the wingnut would identify with Woods: knocking a ball into a cup with a stick has about as much intrinsic value as anything any recipient of wingnut welfare has ever done.
Meanwhile, back at the troll ranch:
The freedom to worship
God, haveguns…P(h)ixiliated.
You forgot to say “I’m not racist, but…” (NSFW).
I just hope you’re a actual hate-filled piece of shit, because if this is your attempt at trolling, it’s friggin’ weak, man. There’s more to the practice than just being an asshole. Much more. It’s subtle. It’s delicate. It is an art form, and you are disgracing that art with your lazy performance. Like hanging a damn Velvet Elvis in the Louvre.
*sigh*
Kids these days. No respect for hard work.
The reason guys like Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, David Beckham, Wilt Chamberlain and Magic Johnson (heh) get so much extracurricular action is because they are sexy, famous and rich. The reason they are rich and famous and sexy is because they are (or were) fabulously talented athletes. The reason we like them is because they make the games they play(ed) exciting and fun to watch, and also because average guys like me like to fantasize about what it would be like to be like them: to be talented, athletic, sexy, rich and famous. Part of that fantasy involves what we would do with all that talent, fame, fortune and sexual prowess. We like to fantasize about dominating our favorite sport, scoring birdies, baskets, touchdowns, home runs, whatever, but also to “dominate” and “score” in other areas as well. Why do you think so many sexual metaphors are also sports metaphors (and vice-versa)?
You know who else was worse than Hitler? Hitler.
You know who else forgot to read the whole thread? Hitler.
You know who else was worse than Hitler?
Robot-Hitler, Jr., that’s who! All his father’s bad qualities, and he was RAISED BY HITLER, & a soul-less, compassion-less robot to boot!!
Still not as bad a Obambi, though, ’cause at least Robot-Hitler Jr. was white1!11
It’s so cute how Gary is trying to just crawl into Paul as a persona. He’s become an avatard.
Yeah, and you couldn’t even spell it. You know what’s worse than not spelling Hitler’s name? Hitler. Black Hitler.
Who’s the black fuehrer who’s a sex machine to all the fraulein?
(Hitler!)
You damn right.
They say that Hitler is ein volk, ein reich…
(Shut yo’ mouth, dumkopf!)
I’m only talkin’ ’bout Hitler!
(Well, I can dig a mass grave.)
FWIW, the global denialist Palinites have invaded a Matt Yglesias post to prove that the true science of the Earth’s climate is found in the gut, and that all the Liberals who listen to the damn faggot ass ‘scientists’ are, well, just like Hitler, and if you think I’m making it up, um, no.
Don’t start me w/ the Hitler lyrics.
“They Saved Hitler’s Cock”
They saved Hitler’s cock, They hid it under a rock. I discovered it, last night. I couldn’t even, believe my eyes.
If Hitler’s cock could start to talk, it would say: To kill today. If Hitler’s cock could choose it’s mate, it would ask, for Sharon Tate!
They saved Hitler’s cock. They stuffed it in Mengele’s sock. They saved Hitler’s cock, and now it wants to talk.
Now it’s starting to get hard, I found it in my backyard. Every night it kills a dog, and now it wants, some night and fog
Hitler’s cock is on the move, and now I’m scared of what it’s gonna do!
I love my unofficial title precisely because I have earned it.
El Cid, I got your back. Check out my comment at Matt Yglesias’ site.
“He’s become an avatard.”
Or avatarded.
“the freedom to be safe from islams. He is black, and tehrefore inferior.”
You know, most of the islams are pretty cool. You should meet some of them someday. I bet Obama knows how to spell therefore, also.
“You’ll have to be more specific than that. The one they have in office now, or the one who went on to be President?”
See, I was thinking of Arnold as an A list actor, in terms of fame if not talent, hencethe B movie qualifyer.
Paul. shouldn’t you be in Afghanistan by now raping a goat or something?
You know who else was worse than Hitler?
Zombie Hitler.
Don’t you remember, the math part of his entry test was too hard for him.
He has to take extra courses where they teach him to count to ten without using his fingers, incase they get blown to hell.
I’ve heard that after 4 weeks of intense training, he can get up to 3 now.
I’ve known 3 mohammeds, and as far as I know, none of them could ski. I’m not a good skier myself either though.
Not that this has anything to do with anything, I just thought I’d mention since writing mindles stuff seems to be the issue of the day.
A rich, talented, wildly successful, extremely famous, very attractive guy who’s on the road a lot away from home strayed from the marital bed. Apparently it’s the first time in the history of professional sports. All the attention this has gotten has nothing to do with the fact that he’s a black guy who has succeeded in a traditionally white guy’s game, or that he’s married to a gorgeous white woman; it’s only because something like this has never happened before, and never will again.
**Grabs popcorn**
Another right-wing blogger concludes Stacy McCain is a racist.
Certain other wingers are unhappy… apparently ideological purity tests are off limits for racism.
**buys popcorn futures**
“Worse than Hitler” is not sufficiently descriptive.
Perhaps worse than two Hitlers, but not quite as bad as three Hitlers?
And such as, also.
~
That has to be the most revealing post by a wingnut in some time. He’s basically saying that he thinks Tiger has shrunken his pool of potential male partners. Tiger is such a sex addict, he has infringed on Noyes’ territory. But since Noyes is also admitting he can’t bed any human, even if he was in a room full of fugly boys and girls, he’s going to blame Tiger anyway. Pretty straightforward to me.
He’s basically saying that he thinks Tiger has shrunken his pool of potential male partners.
Since none of those women would cross the street to spit on me if I was on fire, I don’t see this an issue for me.
Personally I am upset that this phenomenon of athletes (etc) having lots of sex with lots of people seems restricted to male stars. I would have been very happy to have been a boy-toy for a nice, young, toned lady athlete. And I would have been discrete about it … I would have not told anyone. Well maybe I would have bragged to a few close friends … but they would have kept silent about it: wouldn’t they?
Anyway, whom can I sue for gender discrimination that there are so many opportunities for young ladies to have hawt sex with male athletes but we young men don’t have so many such opportunities?
Not letting Sarah Palin be the ultimate authority on every subject is just like 8 million Hitlers plus a billion Stalins times forty gazillion Maos, all to the 20th power of Pol Pot. But most of all I am sick of all the liberals’ exaggerations.
How many of Wilt Chamberlain’s 20,000 women did he get on the rebound? Get it? Get it? Rebound! Har!
El Cid – btw, some damn fine work on the flat-earthers that turned up at Yglesias’ joint.
Wuzza-wuzzup, loony libs? Still sore from that SPREAD smack on your back, jacks? Still smartin cause your boy Tiger’s turning out to be a Clenis wannabenis? Well guess what, conservamentum has overtaken El-dick, and it’s heading straight for the White House to destroy the Obummer Era! Badoodle-boo-yeah, you hear that, loony libs? That’s the sound of 2010 and 2012 going thumpity thump thump in the distance, ready to unleash a SPREAD of elephant electoral dominance! Take a big whiff of that, Sadly, D’oh! Urban out.
ROLL TIDE
Don’t be surprised when Maury says, “Burt, you are … NOT the father.”
Perhaps worse than two Hitlers, but not quite as bad as three Hitlers?
With all the hyperbole that’s been flying around for the last few years, the needle won’t even budge for anything less than a kilohitler, and megahitler-class atrocities have been reported (but only under laboratory conditions so far).
…damn, El Cid beat me to that.
Yeah, and you couldn’t even spell it.
Smut and I are not the same person: one of us is worse than Hitler, the other is… OK, I can see where you might have confused one for the other on that point.
El Cid,
Private individuals responding to lies in an op-ed by a Republican is prohibited. It’s right there in the 1st Amendment. I can’t believe these so called progressives are so intolerant. Plus, you know who else was in favor of boycotts?
Insisting that I should know who I’m talking about is just like Hitler, only it’s like what Hitler would have thought of as a Hitler.
ready to unleash a SPREAD of elephant electoral dominance!
Like this?
Plus, you know who else was in favor of boycotts?
Ummmm, lemme guess…….Donnie Osmond?
Oh, it’s much worse than that — occasionally liberals saunter out to suggest that not every single page and column inch be taken up by Good American Patriot Conservatives writing about what they want.
Suggesting that newspaper space or radio / TV time should be taken up by people who are “qualified” in some gay big head way to talk about something instead of filling every available bit of the quantum foam up with Palinite wisdom is like taking the first Amendment, laying it upon the ground, letting Hitler shit upon it, and then feeding the unholy despoilation it to the Baby Jesus.
Let me try my hand at a Shorter: “I resent the fact that I would gladly settle for Tiger’s sloppy seconds.”
Plus, I think that we’ve established that Paul Mantarakis is worse than Hitler, because Hitler doesn’t troll here or elsewhere.
Since this thread is pretty much over, it’s probably the appropriate time to note that “Paul Mantarakis” => “Park it, lama anus”. Not too coherent, but from what I read, neither is he.
ready to unleash a SPREAD of elephant electoral dominance!
Like this?
I clicked on tigrismus’ link but it caused me to touch someone’s website inappropriately.
I believe the Famous Black Man + Hitler sitcom has already been done.
You can make fun of the Native Americans all you want, but don’t fucking mess with Hitler.
Now Coach, careful spreading that elephant metaphor around or you might make that Tiny Tim Tebow cry again.
Regarding Woods’ affairs with people of any gender: Pics, or it didn’t happen. Preferably video. On the internets. That I can privately, uh, watch.