120-second TownHall

The original — not to be confused with Two-Minute TownHall.

Shorter Chuck Colson: Jesus says thou shall not earmark.

Shorter W. Thomas Smith, Jr.: The US can eliminate terrorism by following Israel’s successful tactics.

Shorter Robert Novak: What Chuck said.

Shorter Star Parker: It’s ok to rape strippers.

Shorter Jeff Jacoby: If only there was some kind of record of the bad things communist regimes did.

Shorter John Leo: Mike S. Adams is on vacation.

Shorter Michael Barone: Of course the government should be allowed to keep the illegal things it’s doing a secret — duh!

Shorter Suzanne Fields: The new White House press secretary is Tony Snow. Whoa — I need another 750 words to call it a day.

Shorter Diana West: Boy, that whole thing over there in Iraq sure is complicated.

Shorter Jennifer Roback Morse: Wouldn’t it be great if everyone behaved in a manner consistent with my beliefs?


Comments: 10


Star Parker’s a real piece of work. “Strippers = Prostitutes and neither of them are ‘innocent victims’ when they’re raped.”


Star Parker is a cobag’s cobag, Big Worm. You’re absolutely right about that. Not that this is any way as venal as Parker’s evil premise, but I was struck by one of her tangential statements:

And, of course, there is the media, loving every minute of this. In a world with no shortage of real issues and problems, including a holocaust taking place in the Sudan, where there really are innocent victims, this rather unremarkable story is getting breathless national coverage.

Good thing you just used your soapbox to discuss Darfur for 500 words, and not the Duke rape case, Star.

You utter dumbfuck.


Alternate shorter Jennifer Roback Morse: If I say “I have a dream,” maybe I can snag some civil rights movement cred!


I know it defeats the shorter imperative, but the Mike S. Adams should only be referred to as:

Professor Dr. Mike S. Adams, Ph.D.

Gotta give respec.


Chuck Colson — cobag
W. Thomas Smith — cobag
Robert Novak — cobag
Star … oh, why bother. You get my drift.


From Suzanne:

“We won’t get snow jobs on this watch.”

No, only the absolute truth, because that’s what we’ve always gotten from White House flacks.


From Diane:

No one has ever adequately explained why the jihadist “insurgency” fights on in Iraq. Really.

30,000+ dead Iraqi civilians, god-only-knows how many wounded, teenage boys sodomized at Abu Ghraib, a decimated infrastructure with limited potable water and electricity.

It’s a mystery why these people fight. Really.


another alternate shorter, this one for Diane: “In order for the Islamic world to experience democracy, we must forcibly change the beliefs of the terrifying brown people who inhabit it.”

seriously! she thinks it’s “bone chilling” when a member of parliament points out that the people elected to have their constitution the way it is now.


My hat tippeth to your John Leo reduction. You’re living the dream, pardner.


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