Things That Make Me Patriotic

A CNN headline reads, “Supreme Court rules former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith can pursue part of her late husband’s oil fortune, The Associated Press reports.”

This is one of those “only in the Yoo-Ess-of-Ay moments” that makes me grateful that I don’t live in a sissy country like Canada (sorry Tim, but it needed to be said).


Comments: 17


I’m actually glad to hear this. I can’t say exactly why, but I was on Vicky’s side in this. It seemed like she did care for the guy, in her half-witted way. And did anyone see that Christmas video of her and her husband the newsmagazines were playing late last year? It was filmed back in, like, 1990 or something. Whenever he died, it was a couple of years before that. And although everyone paints her as a gold-digger who was trying to manipulate him (I’m sure she was, but she wasn’t *just* that, in my opinion), her inability to seal the deal makes me sympathize with her. He was playing her, baby. She was trying to get him to say for the camera that he wanted her to have everything, and he, the canny, 93-year-old plutocrat, did everything but, and with a twinkle in his eye. It’s been an interesting drama so far. I hope she gets a bundle, just because his kids are so mean. The fact that I wrote so much on the subject just now proves that the S,N! trolls have bored the life out of me and killed my brain cells.


Who is Anna Nicole Smith, and why has she become a salvo in the bitter and potentially mutually-inihilating cross-border rivalry that currently plagues the two great North American Nations with the Longest Undefended Border in the World?


I have never seen Anna Nicole Smith myself, but I believe Hinderaker when he says that her performace before the Supreme Court bombed. These infidel women are spitting in the face of America’s values and should be hidden behind modest clothing and the protection of their male relatives.Otherwise, the Islamic horde will infiltrate and bring down the America we love.


Now THAT is some good GR parody.


The fact is, the American people are sick of the liberal media and their constant attacks on large-breasted gold diggers. When Jesus returns to earth, you liberals are going to be sorry you spoke ill of Anna Nicole.


Thank you, Chadwick! It was my first, and I was pretty happy with it. I regret that I didn’t work in the phrase “the fact is,” though. Gary’s other alter ego, immediately above, deserves kudos for lamenting the liberal media’s “constant attacks on large-breasted gold diggers.”


If you’re against large-breasted gold diggers, you’re against America.


You liberals probably think we should levy a second death tax on wealthy men who exercise their God-given right to die on top of a large-breasted consort.


I want to know if the Supreme Court examined her cleavage for Islamic terrorists global. She could be smuggling Mexican-Saudi thugs between those things and our liberal “Supremes” would just sit there in blackface and shiny dresses singing “You Can’t Hurry Love” if you’ll pardon the pun.

The fact is, until all unfeasibly large cleavages are inspected we are open to attack.


Just remember this. If wealthy men lose their right to marry large-breasted blonde centerfold models/strippers, then the terrorists have won.

But here’s a bit of a problem. You see, Anna Nicoles breasts hate freedom…



The original ruling made me fear that Freedom hated Anna Nicole Smith. Now balance has returned to the universe.


Regarding the accusation that Anna Nicole’s breasts hate freedom: Unfortunately, mikey, there is much evidence to the contrary.


Lucy, even if she didn’t care for him at all. She deserves a few million for having sex with a 93-year-old man. And he ought to pay for it. No 93-year-old man could get laid by a big-breasted sexpot without shelling out some cash, why should he be different?
It’s what makes America great. That true classless society. (And I mean ‘classless’ in all sense of the word.)


Brad – Actually It would probably happen in Canada too. Lawsuits are pretty much universal.

Then again the award would be in Canadian money so who cares? (Actually I think the CDN is topping 85% of american dollar so that isn’t very topical either, sigh).

Speaking of getting a few million dollars for sleeping with an old man, anyone up for a round of “What would you do for 5 million dollars?”

I’m proabably even more heterosexual than the venerable General JC, but not only would I fuck the old buggar, but I’d be a good lay, that’s alot of money.

Maybe not, but tell me you wouldn’t think about it…


I would, too, no kidding. At least, I’m pretty sure I would. The difficult part would be explaining where you got all that money. I would probably tell people he just gave it to me because he was senile. I don’t think the fact that I’m a hetero lass would make it any easier to go through with, because in both of our cases, Timmah, attraction doesn’t enter into the equation.I guess that makes me skanky, but I don’t feel like a skank. I guess if I did, I’d just blush all the way to the bank.


not only would I fuck the old buggar, but I’d be a good lay

Well as long as you take pride in your work, that’s what matters.


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