Never mind what Dean says or does, the real scandal is the Dean missed a telephone interview with me, Maureen Dowd!

From yesterday’s “Opinion Journal”:

The Real World BY CLAUDIA ROSETT
Weapons of mass distraction obscure the real threat: tyranny.

So, sure the President misled you about those WMDs, but the REAL scandal is that Saddam was a TYRANT!

Forget about Bush exploiting Martin Luther King’s grave for a political fundraiser; the REAL scandal is that Hillary Clinton is still keeping HER presidential campaign a secret!

Sure we fly the dead and wounded in the cover of night and refuse access to the press, but the REAL scandal is how Democrats want to exploit those dead and wounded soldiers for their own political gain!

Nevermind that Bush is racking up record budget deficits – the real scandal is that no one shoveled the back steps at my yuppy apartment complex this morning, and I almost fell on my ass.

Hey, this is fun!

Nevermind mind that soon all tech jobs will be in india – the real scandal is that the dollar is so weak that importing yarn from the UK is getting damned expensive!

See, it really is all about me.

Forget the fact that we said it was about imminently threatening WMDs, Saddam is a bad guy.

Forget the fact that PM Blair led his country into a preemptive war of aggression based on blatantly false and exaggerated intelligence,the real scandal was his wife’s rudeness to Bush at their state dinner.

Roughly paraphrasing David Kay:

“Forget the fact that our utterly incompetent intelligence agencies wildly overestimated Iraq’s WMD capabilities (when they weren’t inventing them outright, that is). The REAL scandal is that they were simultaneously UNDERESTIMATING the very real and irrefutable WMD threat from Libya, Iran, Syria, North Korea, Russia, China, France, and Surinam.”

Never mind that Bush keeps saying he was forced to go to war because of a provocation (Saddam’s “refusal” to let in inspectors) which every human being on the planet could plainly see never happened, and thus his claim takes its place as arguably the most utterly and transparently bogus casus belli in human history; the real scandal is Wesley Clark’s refusal to renounce the devil, Michael Moore, and all his works.

Forget the fact that Bush never showed up for the remainder of his military service, the real scandal is that Wes Clark refuses to deny that Moore says that Bush never showed up for the remainder of his military service.

Forget the fact that conservative moralists are hypocrites, the real scandal is that we don’t all properly worship Rush “The Passion” Limbaugh.

Yes we have blocked the 9/11 commission at every turn and did nothing in spite of repeated warning about an attack by Al-Qaida, but the real scandal is that Clinton gave us the plan to take out Osama but he didn’t call us back to make sure we followed through with the plan!

Never mind the fact that the president lied about WMD in Iraq and had in fact been planning the invasion since early 2001, The Real Scandal(TM) is that that sweater makes Wes Clark look dumpy.

Forget the fact that farm subsidies really go to a small number of conglomerates — the real scandal is that Brazil doesn’t want our version of “free trade.”

Forget BushCo’s untrammeled and uninterrupted spree of lying, corruption, extortion, incompetence and greed … Clinton got a blowjob.

Forget the fact that the economy is still performing poorly, the real scandal is that professional athletes take STEROIDS!

The real scandal isn’t that George Bush Is a deserter, it’s that Wes Clark had to learn to walk without a limp (despite having a quarter of his leg muscles destroyed by bullet wounds) so he could qualify for active duty again. What a phony!

The real scandal isn’t that Bush went to war on false pretenses; the real scandal is that liberal judges are trying to destroy the sanctity of marriage.

The real scandal isn’t that Bush is bankrupting the United States. The real scandal is that Howard Dean’s wife and children are Jews! (per Cal Thomas)

The real scandal isn’t that Bush has turned record budget surpluses into half-a-trillion dollar annual budget deficits. The real scandal is that Democrats haven’t agreed to make the tax cuts permanent.

Forget that the Miserable Failure who can’t find his own staff member who exposed Valerie Plame is our only hope for homeland security, the real scandal is that some people don’t like him.

Forget the fact that the Blair government failed to distinguish between “possibly capable of using battlefield chemical weapons in 45 minutes, according to one scientist” and “definitely capable of launching weapons of mass destruction against the West in 45 minutes, according to all of our experts,” sent Britons to die in Iraq on these grounds, and gave a psychotic American president the illusion of “multilateralism” while doing so, the real scandal is that the BBC said nasty and slightly inaccurate things about this.

(This is like having a leftover baked ham in the fridge. Every couple of hours, you gotta have a piece …)

Nevermind the poverty in the US or an unnecessary war in Iraq, the real scandal is an Irish rockstar said the F-word on national TV which will lead to the downfall of Western Civilization.

It doesn’t matter if the administration tried to cut combat pay, The Real Scandal is the liberal scandal mongers questioning Bush’s time spent heroically defending the skies of Texas in the National Guard.

This is fun, great game.

Never mind that the Republicans stole the 2000 presidential election; the real scandal is that nobody thought to change the locks on the White House doors.

Forget the fact that most e-voting systems are broken, the real scandal is that somebody saw their source code.

The real scandal isn’t that Bush has totally fucked up the war in Iraq, or that he lied like a rug about the reason for getting into it. The real scandal is that John Kerry used the F-word in Rolling Stone in describing Bush’s handling of the war.

The real scandal isn’t that Bush is so delusional that he keeps saying that we had to go to war because Saddam wouldn’t let the inspectors in. The real scandal is that Dean yelled in Iowa.

The real scandal isn’t that the Bush administration lied about the reason for going into a war that has killed over 500 Americans, uncounted thousands of Iraqis, maimed thousands more, and cost over $150 billion so far. The real scandal is that Clinton lied about getting hummers in the Oval Office. (This is a great game!)

The real scandal isn?t that we are losing the war in Iraq. The real scandal is that Howard Dean said, correctly, that the capture of Saddam Hussein made us no safer.

The real scandal isn’t that Republican Senate staffers stole Democratic Senators’ confidential memoranda. The real scandal is that Democrat Senators mentioned in those memoranda that Miguel Estrada is Hispanic.

The scandal is not that Bush keeps saying the inspectors were not allowed in, The Real Scandal is that he doesn’t read newspapers, and Condi didn’t tell him the inspectors went back in.

Nevermind that scientists are warning that species are becoming extinct at a rate not seen in 65 million years or that Aids is ravaging Africa, the real scandal is that a gay neighbor might want to legally commit to his partner of 30 years and thus “destroy” marriage.

Forget that the Bush “Administration” did no planning for the “post-war” period in Iraq, and actually stopped the State Department from doing so. The real scandal is that the liberal media keeps reporting on dead soldiers instead of all the wonderful things that we are doing in Iraq.

Forget that the economy’s in the tank, there are fewer jobs, what jobs there are pay less, our esteem in the world & 500 American GIs have been squandered to get WMDs (er, WMDRPAs) that weren’t there, environmental laws are being rewritten to accommodate polluters, the government doesn’t have to justify its decisions or even tell who was in the meetings—the real scandal is that all the Democratic candidates _hate_ the president who did this.