First They Came For Our Cheetos

matthew_balan

Shorter Matthew Balan, NewsBusted:
CNN blah blah CSPI blah blah Popcorn blah blah Left-Wing

  • A large tub of buttered popcorn at the movies has only 50 calories and 1 gram of fat. Anyone who says otherwise is a a big fat left-wing liar.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 130

 
 
 

Joe McCarthy lives.

 
 

So if the study was done by a group with left-wing affiliation and liberal politics and whatnot, does that mean the popcorn actually doesn’t have “1,160 calories and 60 grams of fat”? Because I can’t otherwise see the point of that article.

 
 

So if a “liberal” group asserts that eating lead paint chips is bad for you, it’s a fascist government takeover of the home improvement industry?

What the fuck is Balan’s point, and why are most of his commenters cheering him on? Who’s taking away their fat-laden barrels of popcorn?

I’m supposed to go to the movies Friday night. In honor of this post, I’m going to walk up to the concession stand and attempt to order a single leaf of arugula.

 
 

#churchill: “We shall fight in the lobbies, we shall fight in the aisles, we shall never concede until a big tub of popcorn is the right of every man, woman and child of this country!”

yeesh. So CNN didn’t announce the “left-wing bias” of a source. Well, they never fucking announce right-wing sources, either, so cry me a fucking river, NewsBlisters.

 
 

What the fuck is Balan’s point, and why are most of his commenters cheering him on?

Blah blah liberals blah blah nanny state blah blah loss of freedom blah blah Noble Revolution blah blah.

Their flag will bear a Double Big-Gulp and a giant tub of popcorn. Under this banner will they claim their liberty!

*snerk*

 
 

Ahma gonna click through but first I wannna say THANK YOU TINTIN (French, fag or both) for the new tred.

 
 

The posters at Balan’s site seem to think CSPI is a government organization. It’s all about “I don’t want the government telling me I can’t eat huge bucket of popcorn with a cup of fat on it” Actually, the government is doing the opposite, subsidizing the dairy and beef industries, and a few years ago in Texas, you remember, they prosecuted Oprah for saying she didn’t want to eat tainted burgers. (using some law against disparaging agricultural products). CSPI OTOH is a private organization that advocates for healthy food policies.
These idiots don’t seem to mind government control as long as it’s trying to kill them.

 
 

The notoriously seditious American Automobile Association makes the bizarre claim that being run over by an 18-wheel tractor-trailer on a road embedded with razor blades may have adverse health consequences — and CNN reports this questionable conclusion without revealing the AAA’s ties to the worldwide Communist conspiracy!

This is further proof that Barry Hussein Soetero plans to confine all white Christians in concentration camps.

 
 

I believe it was in the Corpulant Manifesto that Marx said, “Weight-watchers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chub!”

 
 

Jebus, but these guys are weaklings. Guys, I’m a liberal. And I like knowing my popcorn has 93000 calories and enough fat to drop a wooly mammoth. It’s good information to know, and I know I’m getting my money’s worth for the $49.50 I paid for it. I don’t whine that the evil liberal CSPI told me the info. Criminy.

 
 

Governments, especially local ones in America, have been regulating food supplies since the 17th century. These idiots live in an ahistorical parallel universe.

 
 

Also, butter is the baking grease in the ovens of liberal fascism. Also.

 
 

There’s one nitwit over there who said that seatbelt laws were nothing like CSPI trying to get fatty food out of schools because, blah , when those of us whp were around remember this same idiotic personal freedom argument against them.
Talk about a groupthink choir, over at that bunch of self actualized rugged individualists when some halfway reasonable poster says that maybe they’d like to know that the popcorn has 60 grams of fat, Balan reflexively posts “It’s not abut the popcorn, it’s all about government control.” and gets a bunch of hallelujahs.

 
 

“It’s not abut the popcorn, it’s all about government control.”

So wait, the popcorn doesn’t have 60 g of fat because the gov’t forbids it, then?

 
 

The totalitarian Obama Administration will declare unilaterally that buttered popcorn is no longer delicious. Anyone observed enjoying their buttered popcorn will be summarily executed. This is a documented fact.

 
 

Two CNN programs ran news briefs on a new study on movie popcorn from the Center for Science in the Public Interest, but omitted its left-wing affiliation.

Also CNN did not mention its left-wing affiliation, so there.

 
 

I once had a student write an essay which refuted a counterargument to his thesis by saying that the study cited in the counterargument was done by researchers at UC Berkeley. The fact that hippies had been at Berkeley in the 60s made any research performed by the Nobel-prize winning, top-10 university ranking school not just suspect, but wrong. QED.

 
 

According to DietFacts.com self-reportedly sourced from “a letter from Regal”, a medium sized popcorn prepared in coconut oil (without butter flavor sauce or accompanying drink) is 720 calories.

The Large Buttered Popcorn is listed (again, reportedly per Regal Cinema chain itself) as having 1640 calories, just over 3 McDonald’s Big Macs or 10 ounces of Cheetos Crunch Snacks.

Of course that’s not a Medium sized buttered popcorn, so that’s all leftwing mythology elitist why do you hate Sarah Palin why won’t they let Sarah be Sarah SHUT UP.

 
 

The totalitarian Obama Administration will declare unilaterally that buttered popcorn is no longer delicious. Anyone observed enjoying their buttered popcorn will be summarily executed. This is a documented fact.

The only approved popcorn toppings henceforth shall be the white Christian fetus and gay and/or minority sperm.

 
 

I don’t need a watch to waste your time.

Oh no. Oh no. Hold me darlin’, come on, listen to me!

 
 

Now providing information to enable people to make choices is “government interference”? These people have completely lost the plot. Reflexively defending junk food is now part of the Republican platform, and they don’t even know why.

Also, is he suggesting they lied? First, who doesn’t know movie theater popcorn has a gajillion calories? Second, like Regal wouldn’t sue them in a second?

Morans.

 
 

SomeNYGuy hits the wingnut on the head.

Someone’s gotta get over there and remind them that the official liberal position is that one should not guzzle methanol. I’d do it myself, but I don’t really want a bunch of sightless wingnuts on my conscience.

 
 

Oh, and that Large Buttered had 126 grams of fat, 73 of which were saturated. That’s the cooking equivalent of 1/4 lb of butter.

If the average restaurant packed “pat” of butter is roughly 1 tsp, then that’s approximately 1/6 of an ounce, so if all 126 grams of fat were pats of butter, that would be roughly 26 2/3 pats of butter.

This is all left wing hate the troops let Khalid Sheikh Mohammed free Oscar the Grouch Pox News stop the spending tea bag Constitution 10th amendment etc.

 
 

So if a “liberal” group asserts that eating lead paint chips is bad for you, it’s a fascist government takeover of the home improvement industry?

For a moment I considered a plot by which we try to convince right wingers to eat lead paint by telling them that the so-called bad effects are just lies by the evil left wingers who want to regulate everything, right down to which building materials we choose to ingest.

But then I remembered – the primary symptom of lead paint consumption is brain damage. Perhaps they’ve already been indulging.

 
 

I suppose a number of years ago some meddling liberal do-gooder must have warned of the dangers of diving head-first into an empty swimming pool within earshot of Charles Krauthammer.

 
 

I once had a student write an essay which refuted a counterargument to his thesis by saying that the study cited in the counterargument was done by researchers at UC Berkeley

That’s it exactly. It’s the same argument they make against climate change science. “We don’t like these people. They are on That Side. Therefore, their observations are false. QED”

They really, really don’t know what science is. They see it through the same lens as everything else: our team vs. their team. I think if they found out Shockley won two Nobel prizes despite being a racist bastard, it might blow the tops off their heads. Hey, that might be good!

 
 

The only approved popcorn toppings henceforth shall be the white Christian fetus and gay and/or minority sperm.

Popborn?

 
 

By the way, the Google-based research I did above had to be funded by a million dollar grant from ACORN, who gave it directly to my infant sacrificing fund, because only a left-wing funded site could type things into Google asking about the nutritional information of a large movie theater chain’s food nutrition information. It’s a conspiracy, I tells ya.

 
 

I think if they found out Shockley won two Nobel prizes despite being a racist bastard, it might blow the tops off their heads.

No, it would only prove that he and the prize itself are liberal.

 
 

Wingnuts: Our Waaaaahmbulance Sirens Go To ELEVEN.

Liberals want to control every aspect of your life by actually telling you what’s in the things you eat – & even worse, by encouraging you to eat good food! A private study about the fat content of movie popcorn = government interfering with your Constitutional gawd-given birthright as an Amurikyn to scarf down live earthworms! Banning pop-machines &/or junk-food in public-school cafeterias = Krystallnacht 2: Metabolic Boogaloo!

Yeah, pretty easy to tell these are the same Nervous Nellies that lost their shit the other day when their POTUS bowed to Japan’s Emperor … buncha fuckin’ emo twits.

 
 

These idiots don’t seem to mind government control as long as it’s trying to kill them. For Profit.

IOW – “I support big business’s right to render me and my family for fat”
Fixxillatedd.

 
 

Breathing is a liberal conspiracy. Pass it on.

 
 

Now providing information to enable people to make choices is “government interference”

Absolutely. That’s why the EPA should stop putting fuel economy ratings on cars. Americans should be free to buy the blessed SUV of their choice without being b=inhibited by knowledge of its fuel consumption and expense. It’s what Patrick Henry died for.

Also, I love this sentence I just made up. ” Charles Krauthammer was a democrat. Then he dove headfirst into an empty swimming pool.”

 
 

A private study about the fat content of movie popcorn = government interfering with your Constitutional gawd-given birthright as an Amurikyn to scarf down live earthworms!

Actually, throughout the northeast the earthworms are invaders, so if the righties were to eat them it would help restore the land to its pristine post-ice-age conditions. So sure, they’re chest-achingly bad for you when beer-battered and deep-fried like little meaty freedom fries, BUT it would be good for the environment! What to do what to do?!!

 
 

Actually, they’d just eat them and poop in a vernal pond. Problem solved!

 
Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow
 

Please tell all your conservative friends that we are vehemently opposed to dropping Glenn Beck into a tank full of voracious piranhas.

 
 

I had to click through, because Tintin’s summary just didn’t make any goddamn sense. Surely, I thought, S,N! is just having an off day, and forgot to include whatever point this strange Balan person was trying to make.

So I clicked through, and now Newsbusters is one click richer. It turns out that the Shorter Balan doesn’t make any sense because the original piece doesn’t make any sense. Balan forget to make a point other than “blargh blargh popcorn blargh LIBERALS!!!!11!”, and defends his article in comments on essentially the same grounds. (Note to Balan: when the NewsBusters commenters are smarter than you, it’s time to retire your keyboard.)

I promise, as I go back to lurking: I will never again forget to always trust the Shorter.

 
 

Just now hearing a report on how Southern states have the highest obesity rates due, in part, to a culture of unhealthy eating and shuning exercise. I laughed and laughed.

 
 

Curses, fellow Bolsheviks! Imperialist spies have uncovered our plot to inform Americans about unhealthy foods. Burn the papers! Deny everything!

 
 

What the fuck is Balan’s point, and why are most of his commenters cheering him on?

You see, because the Free Market solves everything what with how good the mass of people making informed decisions in their self-interest is, it’s anti-market and objectively pro-Saddam to require companies to give commoners the information they need to make informed decisions.

 
 

Go to CSPI’s website and you’ll find the following:

CSPI is now working to:

Get junk foods out of schools nationwide;
Rid the food supply of partially hydrogenated oil, the source of artificial trans fat that promotes heart disease;
Reduce sodium in processed and restaurant foods;.
Improve food safety laws and reduce the incidence of foodborne illness;
Advocate for more healthy, plant-based, environmentally-friendly diets;
Ensure accurate and honest labeling on food packages;
Require basic nutrition labeling on chain-restaurants’ menus and menu boards;
Provide responsible information about the benefits and risks of agricultural biotechnology;
Obtain greater federal funding for alcohol-abuse prevention policies; and
Expose industry influence over the scientific process and in government policy-making.
As one of the nation’s top consumer advocates, CSPI will keep fighting for government policies and corporate practices that promote healthy diets, prevent deceptive marketing practices, and ensure that science is used to promote the public welfare.

So basically, CSPI wants the government to have the power to tell us what to eat and drink. If you don’t see what the problem is with that, then you’re a useful idiot.

i tend to consider myself a useable savant.

 
 

You know, liberals have some incredible power in their hands right now. Is there anything we couldn’t convince them to do, just by telling them not to do it? Why oh why hasn’t this been put to better use than getting them to eat lard?

 
 

So basically, CSPI wants the government to have the power to tell us what to eat and drink. If you don’t see what the problem is with that, then you’re a useful idiot.

Corporate control of everything, including the government, is fine, though. Corporations surely have our best interests at heart.

Also, do these people know how expensive this country’s obesity problem is? They’re always bitching about taxes being confiscation (“dentistry is theft”), but they want to steal our money in the form of increased insurance premiums and other costs so they can eat shitty food.

 
 

The only approved popcorn toppings henceforth shall be the white Christian fetus and gay and/or minority sperm.
Ah, the old “hole in the bottom of the popcorn tub” trick .

 
 

Also, telling you that Santa Claus isn’t real is robbing you of your freedom.

Your freedom to choose. Refute this post, libs, if your “parents” know so much.

 
 

Also, do these people know how expensive this country’s obesity problem is?

The obesity problem is the result of a national binge/purge cycle created by declining real wages and increasing distance from market to consumer. I’m all for consumers making informed choices, but the obesity epidemic being posed as a consequence of poor decision-making ignores that in general it’s something that happens to the poor because they’re poor.

 
 

Not only am I not real, I also (thanks to ACORN fraud) voted for Obama.

 
 

I’m all for consumers making informed choices, but the obesity epidemic being posed as a consequence of poor decision-making ignores that in general it’s something that happens to the poor because they’re poor.

Oh, I thought poor people were fat because the government was giving their lazy asses too much in the way of food stamps.

 
 

Yeah, pretty easy to tell these are the same Nervous Nellies that lost their shit the other day when their POTUS bowed to Japan’s Emperor the sun topped the horizon.

Fixilated.

This morning, Will Bunch noticed an interesting statistical correlation across several recent polls. Turns out, about 26% of Americans will opt for the Batshit Wingnut Crazy option. 26% think ACORN stole the 2008 election; 26% don’t think any President should bow to any foreign leader, regardless of protocol; 26% think Palin would be a dandy President; 26% don’t think there should be a health care bill at all, etc, etc.

Its tough to test, but I’mma bettin’ that’s basically the same 26%.

 
 

And all this time I thought the obesity epidemic was a rumor cooked up by liberals to benefit the weight-loss industry, in which Michael Moore is heavily invested.

 
 

I once had a student write an essay which refuted a counterargument to his thesis by saying that the study cited in the counterargument was done by researchers at UC Berkeley

That’s it exactly. It’s the same argument they make against climate change science. “We don’t like these people. They are on That Side. Therefore, their observations are false. QED”

They really, really don’t know what science is. They see it through the same lens as everything else: our team vs. their team. I think if they found out Shockley won two Nobel prizes despite being a racist bastard, it might blow the tops off their heads. Hey, that might be good!

Nah, they like race-and-IQ pseudoscience, so basically science is on Their Team until the advent of the Relativity-Jew Einstein.

(You’ve got exactly why they’re doing this down: health nuts are on the Other Team, so anything that sez you shouldn’t eat buttered salt fat is Communism. They’re basically people who eat pork rinds without enjoying them.)

 
 

Oh, I thought poor people were fat because the government was giving their lazy asses too much in the way of food stamps.

Well, bear in mind that many black people are poor, so culture IQ genetics illegitmacy Podhoretz huabuhabuhghbhghbhgbhbhh.

 
 

Irrelevant aside: the Silent Movie Theatre in Los Angeles used to have an even better offering than popcorn– though I don’t know if it was “better” in the nutritional sense. (Probably not.)

Slices of pie.

 
 

I’ll have the buttered butter with a side of butter. Oh, and can I get some butter on that?

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Just a nitpick—William Shockley only won the one Nobel Prize, when he horned in on the one awarded to John Bardeen and Walter Brattain for the transistor, because the work was done in his lab. He’d tried to talk them out of their approach, but wasn’t above stealing 1/3 of their prize.

It was John Bardeen who went on to win a second Nobel for the Bardeen-Cooper-Schrieffer theory of superconductivity. He’s the only person ever to have won two Nobel Prizes in physics. (There’s been Physics and Peace—I. I. Rabi, Chemistry and Peace—Linus Pauling, Chemistry and Medicine—Madame Curie; but Bardeen stands supreme on that one.)

It’s bad enough that asshat Shockley “won” one, never mind two.

 
 

I’ll have the buttered butter with a side of butter. Oh, and can I get some butter on that?

What, so you’re having buttered butter and buttered butter without the large Mountain Dew? I thought nobody invited ACORN to this Hoffman rally.

 
unbiased moderate
 

awww wait wait wait Rush Limbaugh is eating right now so now I dunno who to trust!! Who is right?!! Is calorie-counting a liberal plot to destroy America or not?

 
 

The menu promised “Death by Chocolate,” and yet here I am talking to you. I’m calling my lawyer.

 
 

As one of the nation’s top consumer advocates
But where is the advocate for food-industry corporations? You call this fair? Liberals.

 
Boneless Meatloaf
 

The only thing unrealistic about Wall-E is that they’d want to come back to earth.

 
 

One commenter writes, “Personally, I’d prefer the government quit meddling with what and when and where I eat.”

Yep, let’s kill the FDA. Who needs food inspection? The free market will decide which meat packing companies thrive. The ones that kill their customers with bad hamburger meat will go out of business.

Why should the meat packing companies have to recall tens of thousands of pounds of hamburger meat just because it might kill people? What business is that of the government?

Honestly, the stupid is strong over there at Newsbusters.

 
 

Just a nitpick—William Shockley only won the one Nobel Prize,

Huh. Sorry. Apparently, I’ve been getting that wrong for years. (You correctly inferred my erroneous reasoning about the superconductor result, I just thought Shockley, not Bardeen, was the common link.)

I’ve also been operating all this time under the misconception that Einstein won two, also (photoelectric effect and special relativity). Turns out he got stiffed on special relativity, poor guy.

Is it possible that I just recently crossed over from the timeline in which I was right? Yeah, I’m gonna run with that.

 
 

Two CNN programs ran news briefs on a new study on movie popcorn from the Center for Science in the Public Interest, but omitted its left-wing affiliation.

Let’s see if I’ve got this straight… press releases from CSPI should be taken with a grain of salt* because it is a left-wing organisation.
It is a left-wing organisation because it wants to reduce consumers’ choices by providing them with access to information.
Or to simplify, any press release containing consumer information should be ignored because it is a press release containing consumer information.

* You see what I do there?

 
 

This morning, Will Bunch noticed an interesting statistical correlation across several recent polls. Turns out, about 26% of Americans will opt for the Batshit Wingnut Crazy option. 26% think ACORN stole the 2008 election; 26% don’t think any President should bow to any foreign leader, regardless of protocol; 26% think Palin would be a dandy President; 26% don’t think there should be a health care bill at all, etc, etc.

Its tough to test, but I’mma bettin’ that’s basically the same 26%.

It’s the Crazification Factor:

http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2005/10/lunch-discussions-145-crazification.html

 
 

awww wait wait wait Rush Limbaugh is eating right now so now I dunno who to trust!! Who is right?!! Is calorie-counting a liberal plot to destroy America or not?

Those darn liberals, trying to warn Rush that losing too much weight too quickly is unhealthy and might lead to bad consequences. Don’t listen to them, Rush. Lose as much weight as you can as quickly as you can. Ten pounds a week – hell, twenty, twenty-five pounds a week…you can do it, Rush!

 
 

This morning, Will Bunch noticed an interesting statistical correlation across several recent polls. Turns out, about 26% of Americans will opt for the Batshit Wingnut Crazy option. 26% think ACORN stole the 2008 election; 26% don’t think any President should bow to any foreign leader, regardless of protocol; 26% think Palin would be a dandy President; 26% don’t think there should be a health care bill at all, etc, etc.

Its tough to test, but I’mma bettin’ that’s basically the same 26%.

Before, during, and after the horrible thing we did to end the war, the number of Japanese who felt the war was worth fighting in the face of unconditional defeat was roughly the same. That seems to be about the number of lunatic wingnuts it takes to keep a horrible government alive.

 
Just Alison, aka Snail Joust
 

I didn’t trust the shorter. The shorter is menaingless gibberish, thought I, and the article must surely be otherwise, so I sauntered over.

Nope. Lordy lordy, that stuff is priceless! As are the comments, particularly this one by Balan his very own self:

Go to CSPI’s website and you’ll find the following:

CSPI is now working to: {A buncha things that are basically providing information and ensuring that you don’t get poisoned by shit-smeared meat}

So basically, CSPI wants the government to have the power to tell us what to eat and drink. If you don’t see what the problem is with that, then you’re a useful idiot.

Holy Jeebus on a unicycle: information is now a sign of a fascist takeover? Who knew?

Then there’s this one:

This is not about popcorn. It’s about control. Liberals are OBSESSED with having complete control over every aspect of our lives. It’s what they live for. My parentsd lived into their eighties and grew up during the depression eating all kinds of things cooked in lard and eating lots of fatty meats. So did my grandpa who lived into his nineties.

So putting aside the screaming about evil cartoon librulz, what do we have? Old folks grew up eating lard. Oddly enough, so did my grandma, and she lived to 92. O’ course, she did hard physical work from 5 am until 10 pm every single day of her life (including giving birth to 4 children at home), whereas Mr Shrill probably grunts with effort if he gets out of his rolly chair, but hey, what’s the difference?

Or this one:

This whole thing is about freedom, and this goofy “group” is all about trying to get the government to take freedom away from us, even if it’s about the quality of food that we eat.

Take the movie “The Island” which Ewan MacGregor and Scarlett Johannson. Those clones are tightly controlled by almost every means, food, interaction, entertainment and so on.

That’s what the group wants and that’s what the Soetoro administration wants!

I don’t want someone telling what I can or can’t do about my health other than my doctor, or if I want to go to a health food store and ask for information about certain items that I am thinking about taking! I want to be the one that chooses what I do with my life, not the damn government!

This is America, land of the free, not Cuba, land of the oppressed!

Jeez, stay the hell out of my movie popcorn if I want to eat that!

Of course: freedom means freedom from information! And justifying your argument by reference to a movie, which is, dare I say it, ooterly made oop (a Bubble omnibus there)? He’s objecting to being told some information because he fears Ewan McGregor?

I love these guys. I pray to the FSM that they’ll wander over here to comment, because if it wasn’t free you’d pay to read it.

 
Just Alison, aka Snail Joust
 

Bloody fardling sodbuckets: meaningless, Alison.

Sorry, I got so excited by all the fascinating comments that my brain ran out of my ears.

 
 

As one of the nation’s top consumer advocates, CSPI will keep fighting for government policies and corporate practices that promote healthy diets, prevent deceptive marketing practices, and ensure that science is used to promote the public welfare.

So basically, CSPI wants the government to have the power to tell us what to eat and drink.

Similarly, the “Washington, don’t tax my soda” lady is affiliated with a group that’s fighting to retain government policies that promote _un_healthy diets.

So basically, Americans For High Fructose Corn Syrup (or whatever they call themselves) want the government to have the power to tell us what to eat and drink. High Fructose Corn Syrup.

All lobbying groups want government policies that promote things. Ipso cheeto, all lobbying groups want the government to have the power to tell you what to do.

 
 

kingubu said,

November 20, 2009 at 6:11

This morning, Will Bunch noticed an interesting statistical correlation across several recent polls. Turns out, about 26% of Americans will opt for the Batshit Wingnut Crazy option. 26% think ACORN stole the 2008 election; 26% don’t think any President should bow to any foreign leader, regardless of protocol; 26% think Palin would be a dandy President; 26% don’t think there should be a health care bill at all, etc, etc.

Its tough to test, but I’mma bettin’ that’s basically the same 26%.

That would be the crazification factor. John Rogers nailed it in 2005 (±1%).

 
Durham's Pure Leaf Lard
 

Do you have any idea how yummy I am on popcorn? Huh?

But nooooOOOOOoooooo. Those awful Lieberals published their nasty propaganda and, poof! No. More. Free. Market. For. Me.

 
 

Y’know, I was just saying how every time, say, David Frum is on NPR they always identify him as a lying right-wing hack that pays his rent on Scaife’s dime. They always rebut the obvious falsehoods and half-truths he wizzes all over the airwaves, too. Damned liberal media.

What’s that?

Oh.

Lol, the popcorn story just got the sign-off spot on my local news.

 
 

Peruvian police said they have broken up a band of assassins who killed people in order to extract and sell their body fat. Appears they promote that on the free market as well.

 
Enraged Bull Limpet
 

Corn is people, y’know. Just read Pollan and Diamond for more details.

 
 

Its tough to test, but I’mma bettin’ that’s basically the same 26%.

20%+ are against contraception, too. That’s the baseline batshit insanity we’re up against.

 
Enraged Bull Limpet
 

I’ll call your 20% and raise you 15%.

Poker strategy is probably the only realm in which I’m conservative.

 
 

So Pepsi hires some thugs who go around looking for people drinking Coke, beat them senseless, and stick a frozen coke can into every orifice. Of course, these Randroid retards would cheer it as an example of the free market in action, but on a happier note, I know what I’m doing next weekend.

 
Enraged Bull Limpet
 

Teh Pepsi Generation has always been a dyspeptic and reactionary mob.

 
 

and stick a frozen coke can into every orifice.

Coke-a-Colon?

 
 

Peruvian police said they have broken up a band of assassins who killed people in order to extract and sell their body fat.

Peruvians still have body fat? Their economy needs to be globalised more.

 
 

Teh Pepsi Generation has always been a dyspeptic and reactionary mob.
Talkin’ about my degeneration.

 
 

Also, this clearly proves that the left wing liberal media is engaged in outright war on Hollywood, that bastion of… wait.

Oh, and you know who else was all about healthy foods? Yeah.

 
 

Peruvian police said they have broken up a band of assassins who killed people in order to extract and sell their body fat. Appears they promote that on the free market as well.

I was reading this story on the BBC but it makes no sense to me. I can’t believe that anyone in Europe is paying that much money for human fat from Peru and if they were willing to pay that much, there are easier and less murderous places to get it – as shown in Fight Club. I have a feeling that that this story is going to turn out to be about a bunch of guys blasted out of their minds from licking frogs in a Peruvian jungle living out some bizarre hallucination.

 
 

Oh, and you know who else was all about healthy foods? Yeah.

Jack Lalanne?

 
Enraged Bull Limpet
 

Lipids are the new lupines, according to the Conservative Dennis Moore.

 
 

I, too, sometimes click through not out of doubt, but because I can’t even imagine what the uncondensed point could possibly be.

And, well, I still don’t. The really weird thing, to me, is that Balan, while in the midst of excoriating news organizations for not providing context, he provides no source whatsoever for his claim that CSPI is a liberal organization. The closest anybody comes is posting the list of goals from their about page:

* Get junk foods out of schools nationwide;
* Rid the food supply of partially hydrogenated oil, the source of artificial trans fat that promotes heart disease;
* Reduce sodium in processed and restaurant foods;.
* Improve food safety laws and reduce the incidence of foodborne illness;
* Advocate for more healthy, plant-based, environmentally-friendly diets;
* Ensure accurate and honest labeling on food packages;
* Require basic nutrition labeling on chain-restaurants’ menus and menu boards;
* Provide responsible information about the benefits and risks of agricultural biotechnology;
* Obtain greater federal funding for alcohol-abuse prevention policies; and
* Expose industry influence over the scientific process and in government policy-making.

You’ll note that only three of these goals involve telling us what we can and can’t eat, and of those three, only one is a full-on ban. Does anybody even like partially hydrogenated oil? Who the fuck is out there saying, “You can keep your beef tallow and olive oil, the best french fries are fried in partially hydrogenated vegetable oil!”

If we adopted the CSPI’s platform, not only would we still have horrible fast food, we’d most likely have better tasting horrible fast food.

I just don’t see the problem, or the liberal bent.

 
 

BWaahaHAHAaHAAHAHAhaHAAHHAAAHAHAAaAAHAHA!!!!!!!eleventy!1

Holy fucking shit – what a piece of work that was. They didn’t mention CSPI’s obvious partisan political leanings – that’s his problem, not that popcorn and a soda is the equivalent of three Big Macs and a dozen pats of butter.

AT FUCKING NEWSBUSTERS.

Tell you what Matthew Balan, I’ll take your complaint seriously once you put the label “outrageous right-wing hackery frothing” at the top of every single fucking thing that’s got yout byline – kthnxbai.

 
 

Soetoro

Ooh, hadn’t heard that one in a while. Brings back memories.

 
 

Here’s the kicker: things like “feeding your family healthful foods” used to be what most folks would consider a somewhat conservative value, along with “don’t be wasteful” and “save your money instead of blowing it on every new gadget that comes along.” I know this because I was raised by parents who were conservative in the traditional sense of the term. But somewhere along the line in the past 30 or 40 years, “conservatism” became all about no one being able to tell you no – sure, eat all the crap food you like, buy that Hummer that sucks down a gallon of gas every mile or two, go shopping to defeat the terrorists. Conservatives used to be staid and stodgy – like your parents. Now they’ve morphed into spoiled 4-year-olds who throw a tantrum whenever they’re told not that they can’t do something, but even when they’re told why they shouldn’t do something because it’s not in their own best interest. Quite the switcheroo.

 
 

A study conducted by gay lesbian and bisexual liberals and funded by George Soros claims that whacking yourself on the dick with a ball peen hammer really hurts.

DON’T TELL NEWSBLUSTERS!

 
 

A recent study also showed that for 26 percent of Americans, stupid is comfort food.

 
 

Here’s the kicker: things like “feeding your family healthful foods” used to be what most folks would consider a somewhat conservative value, along with “don’t be wasteful” and “save your money instead of blowing it on every new gadget that comes along.

Certainly, this. But isn’t this just part of the whole “words have lost all meaning” phenomena? These people remind me of a two year-old who points at a dog and says “cat.” Now, most parents will correct –and continue to correct — that child until they begin saying “dog” when they see same. These people, however, are beyond that. They’ll just keep saying “cat” or “socialism” or “fascist.”

Stupid, it not just for breakfast anymore.

 
 

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

“It’s not abut the popcorn, it’s all about government control.”

See, this is the beauty. It’s controlling you by giving you information that allows you to make intelligent choices.

If your doctor tells you that you need to be on a low-fat diet, for example, which makes more sense: the doctor giving you a limited list of foods you that you can only eat, or the doctor giving you guidelines for how many grams of fat or calories from fat you can ingest and allowing you to make your own decisions about it?

So if you take away government control, in these guys’ minds, you’re excusing them from committing suicide by atherosclerosis.

And we’d prefer they do it much more quickly.

 
 

Conservatives used to be staid and stodgy – like your parents. Now they’ve morphed into spoiled 4-year-olds who throw a tantrum whenever they’re told not that they can’t do something, but even when they’re told why they shouldn’t do something because it’s not in their own best interest.

And it’s not even like they’re being scolded about it. They personalize a factual statement, “popcorn is fattening,” into a “WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME A TUBG OF GOOOOOOOO?????????? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!”

Paranoia, the destroyer.

 
 

If a similar organization came out with a study claiming that a vegetarian diet was unhealthy,would these people be screaming about governernt control of our food choices?

 
 

So, did the right wing go on to accuse the Regan Cinemas chain about lying about their own products by releasing their own nutritional information?

Does Regan Cinemas need to protest Regal Cinemas for their left-wing nutritional information mongers?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Didn’t a study like this come out, like, 10 years ago? I seem to remember people freaking the fuck out because that nasty butter shit is made with coconut oil. I even remember comparison to a Big Mac. Why is this shit even a surprise? I swear, ADHD is a fucking national condition.

 
 

Didn’t a study like this come out, like, 10 years ago? I seem to remember people freaking the fuck out because that nasty butter shit is made with coconut oil. I even remember comparison to a Big Mac. Why is this shit even a surprise? I swear, ADHD is a fucking national condition.

Remember, anything actually recalled from the past is left wing and you hate America. I mean, um, don’t remember.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Now I know why I feel like shit whenever I have movie popcorn for lunch. Damnzola.

 
 

I wonder if these idiots would have tried to pillory Upton Sinclair as well. “I LIKE my meat rotten and covered in filth! It builds character!”

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Remember, anything actually recalled from the past is left wing and you hate America. I mean, um, don’t remember.

The only articles that I can find that even mention the 1990s study are Canadian, so the past is obviously Communist.

Also, I didn’t realize that people actually *ate* that popcorn. Mr. T&U and I sneak in all our snacks. They aren’t much healthier, but at least we aren’t paying $8.50 for our heart attacks.

 
 

I wonder if these idiots would have tried to pillory Upton Sinclair as well.

My recollection is they beat the shit out of Rachel Carson.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I wonder if these idiots would have tried to pillory Upton Sinclair as well.

Is there really any question? I mean, first of all, he was a socialist, and second of all, the Republican party is *stacked* with Big Ag supporters (as is the Democratic party, really). Their little minions are so caught up in the opposition to any sort of regulation and the sucking of authoritarian dick that they would gladly accept a few immigrants’ arms and some poop in their sausage.

 
 

Its tough to test, but I’mma bettin’ that’s basically the same 26%.

This raises questions in my tiny wrack of a brain: is this percentage roughly the same world-wide, or is it different in other countries; i.e. is it the human condition or is it our national make-up? Either way, it seems like a fairly small slice of population, why do they have such disproportionate power here?

 
 

Also, I didn’t realize that people actually *ate* that popcorn.

I don’t often go to the cinema because it feels like a little slice of death, and the nauseous smell of faux buttery-fat-sprayed foam corn that permeates the entire building is surely one of the attributes of Hell.

 
 

“they would gladly accept a few immigrants’ arms and some poop in their sausage.”

You do realize that the little black things in oatmeal are rat droppings, right? It’s a fact.

 
 

I think that’s what they call “artificial flavor”.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

You do realize that the little black things in oatmeal are rat droppings, right? It’s a fact.

Yes, and there’s rat poop in peanut butter and bug parts in various foods…it’s unavoidable. I was talking about animal poop that contaminates food because of shoddy, dangerous slaughtering practices. A little rat poo never hurt anybody, but e. coli kinda kills people.

/humorless

 
 

Could we possibly get Al Gore to do some PSAs about the disturbing rise in Americans playing Russion roulette, and how you really shouldn’t play that game? Because I’m sure that would be met with KISS MY ASS ALGORE YOUR FAT I DONT NEED YOU’RE LIEBERALCONTROL YOU FASCSIST TRY AN STOP ME BANG!

 
 

Also, I didn’t realize that people actually *ate* that popcorn.

I don’t so much eat it as inhale it.

Of course, my theatre makes it fresh…unless some bright light has figured out a way to vacuum hot kernels straight up out of a bag of pre-popped under the glass box….

 
 

Citizen_X said,
November 20, 2009 at 17:37

What do we have for the winner, Johnny?

Well, Wade, we have A YEAR’S SUPPLY OF INTERNETS!

 
 

So basically, CSPI wants the government to have the power to tell us what to eat and drink. If you don’t see what the problem is with that, then you’re a useful idiot.

The government still has to power to label you an ‘enemy combatant’ and lock your ass in jail without trial.

Idiot.

 
 

Bravely defending the right to become morbidly obese! Wolverines!

Will they now, like Adam Yoshida firing up all electrical appliances in his home 24/7, now consume buckets and buckets and buckets of buttered popcorn, just to make us liberals annoyed?

 
 

You do realize that the little black things in oatmeal are rat droppings, right? It’s a fact.

Stop giving Homer Simpson another excuse.

People have been getting pissed at CSPI over stuff like this for years. In nine out of 10 cases, the criticism amounts to “LALALALALA IT TASTES GOOD LALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!”

 
 

This is America, land of the free, not Cuba, land of the oppressed!

I long for the day Papa Fidel is in power to mandate the consumption of fake-buttered popcorn. As long as he also insists we consume our daily ration of Jordan Almonds for our Muslimoffascist allies.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

Who the fuck put OATMEAL in my rat droppings?

 
 

I admit I’m not an expert in leave-me-the-fuck-along-ism as a political ideology, but didn’t consumers finding ways to inform themselves about their choices used to be necessary to make such a system work? And now they’re fighting to prevent information from being released? Jesus. If a time machine is ever built, I will be grabbing libertards by the scruffs of their necks and shipping them back to 1892 where they belong.

 
 

I wonder if these idiots would have tried to pillory Upton Sinclair as well.

Tried? When Sinclair ran for governor of California in 1934, he was subjected to the most relentless smear campaign in the history of politics up to that point. Newsreels, billlboards, newspaper articles depicted bums slavering over the chance to come to California and sponge off the taxpayers. It was the prototype of modern attack ads.

Granted, a lot of Sinclair’s political ideas were kind of flaky. I’m not sure I would have voted for him myself. But the election coverage was borderline criminal.

 
 

Here’s the kicker: things like “feeding your family healthful foods” used to be what most folks would consider a somewhat conservative value, along with “don’t be wasteful” and “save your money instead of blowing it on every new gadget that comes along.” I know this because I was raised by parents who were conservative in the traditional sense of the term.

So was I. I grew up in Minnesota – Lake Woebegone land – and “be thrifty, live within your means, don’t watch so much TV, go outside and get some fresh air, eat your carrots, don’t fill up on junk you’ll ruin your dinner, etc.” was what “conservatism” used to mean.

You just want to say, “just wait until your father gets home, mister!” to these idiots.

 
 

Will they now, like Adam Yoshida firing up all electrical appliances in his home 24/7, now consume buckets and buckets and buckets of buttered popcorn, just to make us liberals annoyed?

It does make a good excuse for them to do so, from their own twisty point of view. I say go on with it! I’ll be annoyed as hell, I promise.

I do wonder how they reconcile their love of shitfood with their “buycott” at Whole Foods? Maybe they just buy expeller-pressed canola oil there at the usual fat markup and drink it straight. That annoys the hell out of me, I promise.

BTW Last I heard about Adam Yoshida he was trying to run up his energy usage by leaving his macrowave on nonstop.

 
 

and stick a frozen coke can into every orifice

Is that with or without pubic hair?

 
 

Shorter shorter Balan:
“Calories” and “fat” are lies of the liberal media.

 
 

BTW Last I heard about Adam Yoshida he was trying to run up his energy usage by leaving his macrowave on nonstop.

Is that like a walk-in microwave? If so, I hope he can turn it on from the inside.

 
 

Is that like a walk-in microwave?

Yes – and I heard it here first.

 
 

My sister who has lived at subsistence level or below for many years (she finally has a job with healthcare) once told me that she always got things like rice and potatoes because they were cheap. Of course starches like that aren’t the best for a balanced diet.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Center for Science in the Public Interest

Well… there’s your liberal bias!

Corn is people, y’know. Just read Pollan and Diamond Miguel Ángel Asturias for more details.

Hell, just read the Popul Vuh for more details.

 
 

Grain subsidies in general promote factory farming –> cheap, fatty, low-quality beef, plus all the pollution from the waste (especially E. coli), not to mention that it’s basically an ongoing atrocity. Corn subsidies, obviously, promote high fructose corn syrup, and it’s MAINLY BECAUSE OF SUBSIDIES that Coca-Cola is only slightly more expensive than club soda. Or is it the same? And that, as anyone who eats healthy or has tried to eat healthy knows, while expensive doesn’t always mean good for you, cheap is usually bad.

 
 

Er, my point there, which I forgot to make, is that of course subsidies are “the government interfering in your life” or whatever bullshit term they’re using now. But then again, these are people who can’t tell the difference between a 501( c)(3) and Th’ Gummint.

This is why the “Center for Consumer Freedom” (aka the deep-fried cigarette lobby) can call them “the food police” and say the real problem is “people’s unwillingness to take personal responsibility for their own diets” and that’s why people shouldn’t get to know what’s in food and still be considered credible.

By the way, the use of the word “freedom” by these various lobbying and other organizations has kind of made me associate the word with cackling, stogie-clenching morbidly obese men in pinstriped suits holding a dollar-sign-emblazoned flour sack in each hand.

 
 

Damn, why did you have to remind me that I can’t get Jays products anymore now that I’m in Atlanta?

 
 

“The fact that hippies had been at Berkeley in the 60s made any research performed by the Nobel-prize winning, top-10 university ranking school not just suspect, but wrong. QED.”

KQED

 
 

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