Still the Decider, Now and Forever

Bush this morning:

My job is to make decisions.

I wonder if that’s going on his r&eacutesum&eacute after he leaves office in 2009 (or earlier, Allah have mercy):

George “G-Dubs” Bush
The Ranch
Crawford, Texas, 76639


2009-Present: Ex-President.

Duties and Responsibilities:

-I clear lots of brush
-I sit on Trent Lott’s newly-rebuilt porch drinking Scotch Steel Reserve King Cobra milk.
-I sit on my porch with Scotty M. talking about the good old days
-I’m still trying to finish that danged Goat book

2001-2009: President of the United States of America.

Duties and Responsibilities:

-My job was to make decisions. It was hard work.
-I cleared some brush down at the ranch.
-I gave future generations the gift of debt, roughly $3 trillion worth. Also, I made sure that my daughters would never pay taxes on the ranch. Boo-ya!
-September 11, 2001.
Killed Captured Mortally wounded Said bad things about evildoer Osama bin Laden.


Comments: 38


I fall off bikes and sometimes I can even run into pedestrians with a bike.



-Harriet Miers
-Turd Blossom
-J. Hinderaker.



Stacked the Supreme court with assholes

Destroyed the lives of many many brown people

Helped invent the ipod


You left out all that stuff about sploding all over the Constitution in a fashion more brazen than had ever even been contemplated by any other POTUS.


What’s he gonna need a ray-zoo-may for? He’s certainly earned an early retirement. He’ll spend his twilight years shooting possums and scribbling out his memoirs, with Laura keeping a watchful eye over him to make sure those crayons don’t find their way on up into his nose.


GWB would have to limit the years he “said bad things about evildoer Osama bin Laden” to the years 2001-2003. Since Iraq he hasn’t thought about him much and almost never mentions his name in public.


He’ll spend his twilight years shooting possums and scribbling out his memoirs

I’m pretty confident that Bush hears the word “memoirs” as “men-wars.”


New and improved resume for GWB:

My diddy is George Bush Senior.


Served thirty years in The Hague for War Crimes and Crimes against Humanity. Used the time constructively–Finally finished that dang Goat Book.



Oh, mikey, it’s not nice to tease a girl that way.


Oh, Bush’s accomplishments are indeed material, and should not be subject to the impertinence and derision I’m seeing here.

He single-handedly demonstrated that mediocrity pays. Mediocrity makes you rich and important and famous…so famous you’ll be written about in history books for decades, if not centuries.

Bush set a new bar for mediocrities to compete against and we are left in sheer awe at the magnificence of the spectacle.


By the way, that’s me after a lot of coffee and a perusal of a few credentialed wingnuts this morning. It’s jaw-droppingly astounding, isn’t it?


Hey mal, I’m at LEAST every bit as mediocre as bush. Indeed, my friday lunch crew is actually called the “The Society for the Preservation of Mediocrity”. I have not risen as high nor as fast as bush. I’ve never owned a ML Baseball team. I’ve never owned a multi milion dollar oil company. I’ve never had people give me millions of dollars just because.

Do you think you might also have to factor in being the mediocre scion of a wealthy, powerful American family with ties to Oil, The Saudi Royals and Politics?

just sayin…



Bush’s mediocrity is pure and perfect…unsullied by real-life experience or any hint of self-awareness. It’s the type of mediocrity only available to those born of the rich and powerful, bred from a long line of perfect mediocrity.


That failure that is Bush aspires to mediocrity



Teleprompter English
Banal Texan


Ooh, Jeremías: you forgot the obscure Spanish Dialect spoken only by Dubya and Peggy Hill.


Don’t forget the squinting. That’s a big, big part of the job, and it has to be steely squinting in order to convince morons you know what you’re doing.


Experienced smirker.
Fills a righteous codpiece.
(Pix enclosed)(and references)


That kind of mediocrity is carefully cultivated, like a delicate flower in a greenhouse. All that brain atrophy doesn’t come easy, you know. If so much as one neuron is allowed to fire in that pristine empty prairie we call the mind of G-Dubs, the entire operation will be in shambles.


you forgot “reads the headlines” and “listens to the voices”


Isn’t Bush’s Spanish like Condi’s Russian…ie, a myth?

I’ve never heard either of them actually sustain a conversation in either of those languages. I don’t think I’ve even ever heard Condi say “what a country” with a Jakov Smirnoff accent, let alone say anything in actual Russian.

Oh, hang on…I heard Bush say say “tornado” once. Was that it?


Brad’s Resume:

Mocked people who actually do stuff.

Picked on AnnieAngel.


Wrote an essay about rubber.


Unfunny. Do something about wantoness and breakfast drinks again.


Mikey’s right. Most of us who aspire to mediocritacy are aware that you can really only accomplish mediocritism by being a slacker into the bargain.
Dubya has achieved mediocriticraticatedistic heights, but only because his father’s buddies (totally misreading his father’s attitude towards Dybya, I am convinced) felt his own lack of ambition should not slow him from doing so.

There is nothing inherently superior about Dubya’s mediocritaquadacyness, but only external pressures acting upon it.


Some are born mediocre, some achieve mediocrity, and some have mediocrity thrust upon them.


It wasn’t supposed to be funny, mal.


Then why post it here?


Where else should I post it? Who the hell are you?


I think if Bush could actually speak “Teleprompter English” Jeremias, then I might be able to actually sit through a speech of his. It is his failure to be able to do so that partly makes him so unwatchable. (the content and his smirking being the other parts).


No no…that’s all wrong. I’m the one asking the questions here.

Who the hell are YOU?


It wasn’t supposed to be funny, mal.

Obviously. I wasn’t commenting on your intent…I was commenting on the effect.


The effect was interesting, mal.


Bush’s Spanish. You be the judge.


Wow. His Spanish was so eloquent and evocative, I could almost picture myself in Guadalajara on warm night, sipping a cerveza and chatting up a señorita…

…and then el gato muy ferocioso starts chasing me and I evade him easily, yelling ¡Ã?ndale, ándale, arriba, arriba!


Yeah…thanks, mal. I post what I think is a great quick one-liner, but sarcasm is hard to portray well online. Oh well, I suppose I post here so infrequently, I deserve a “Who the hell are you?” every once in a while.


Oh, you have to get into the rhythm of the “annieangel experience.” Once you do, life’s so much simpler. *throws annie a puppy treat*


You’re right, of course. Oh well, I’ll just stick to being occasionally pedantic and leave the humor and troll duties to those who can do them well. *tips hat*


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