Two-Minute Townhall


Ready. Set. Go.

Shorter Carey Roberts: When I take off my glasses, Katie Couric looks just like Hillary Clinton.

Shorter Walter Williams: Is there a federal deficit? Let’s see here … two plus four … minus five … carry the three … divide by nine … Nope, I guess not.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: Muslims? Genocide’s too good for ’em.

Shorter Tony Blankley: Disloyal retired generals who criticized the Secretary of Defense should be brought up on charges of insubordination, if only to ensure that future Secretaries of Defense don’t require oaths of loyalty.

Shorter John Stossel: Taxes? But I thought this lunch was free!

Shorter Larry Kudlow: Hillary Clinton’s expensive, big-government proposals stand in stark contrast to the president’s lean budgets, and are also very boring.

Shorter Linda Chavez: Perhaps if I debunk a manufactured media crisis about minorities and public schools you won’t lob tomatoes at me for expressing sympathy for illegal immigrants. Whaddya say, guys? Guys?

Shorter Thomas Sowell: Amnesty would soon make illegal immigrants eligible for affirmative action, relegating whites to second-class status. See, as a black man, I can say things like that.

Shorter Herman Cain: Liberal entitlement programs embolden our Mexican enemy.

Shorter Kathleen Parker: The Duke rape case illustrates virtually nothing at all about race, class or gender issues in our society.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: The difference between a whistleblower and a leaker depends on how effectively folks like me are able to caricature their personality and motives.

Shorter Ben Shapiro: When they ask me what I did in the war, I can point with pride to this column.

Shorter Terence Jeffrey: I have some concerns about the alternative minimum tax.

[Ed. note: Have you ever noticed how much Terrence Jeffrey looks like Martin Prince?]

Shorter Brent Bozell: Heh. If the media love illegal immigrants so much, why don’t they marry them?

Shorter Daniel Son: Here’s a book review I slapped together at the last minute.


Comments: 26


Townhall is paying Gramps Roberts to write for them?!! WOW! How much lower can they go? (*COUGH!* MARIE JON’! *COUGH!*)


Insubordination, huh? I wonder which part of “retired” Blankley doesn’t understand?


Townhall is paying Gramps Roberts to write for them?!!

I know. I thought I’d included a “by gum” in there, but I apparently not.


Where’s Dougie Giles? He was on cracking form this weekend explaining how Jesus was slightly to the right of Reagan.


There was no need for a “shorter” Doug Giles this week. He pretty much covered that one himself. These were the first nine words of his column:

“Can a Christian be a liberal? Short answer: No.”


I’m sure Gramps Roberts gets paid in Werthers’ Originals (just as the Virgin Ben gets paid in Abstinence Gum) and they have one of their interns take the wrappers off for him.


Well, this just demonstrates how easy it must be to get a Townhall gig. Brad, I think you’re missing out on the big bucks. All you have to do is say you’ve seen the light and left your secular liberal ways behind, and you wish to lick the boots of Ben Shapiro. I’m sure they’d give you (and pay you!) for a column.


“Can a Christian be a liberal? Short answer: No.”

Wow, Dreamweasel, won’t Jesus be surprised?


Can I just say I too am stunned about Grandpa being at TH. Whoa! Stanton Carlisle is next, baby!


“Can a Christian be a liberal? Short answer: No.”

Wow, Dreamweasel, won’t Jesus be surprised?

Of course not. He was just a tree-hugging Jew.


I guess these people all missed the chapters where Jesus said to have compassion for sinners, and that we are all children of God, and turn the other cheek, and hate the sin, love the sinner, and how you treat the least of you thus have you treated me. Vengence is for God, right? Judge not, lest ye be judged? He who is sinless cast the first stone?
Or do I have a different version of the Bible?

I just can’t believe the hate and vitriol from these people. A criminal should do his sentence when he commits a crime. That should be enough.

Ugh. I need a shower.


[Ed. note: Have you ever noticed how much Terrence Jeffrey looks like Martin Prince?]

Can Terrence Jeffrey make Raisin Roundies?


Jonah, Jonah, Jonah…

When Wilson’s wife, Valerie Plame, had her identity as a CIA employee leaked to the press, media Brahmins demanded that a special prosecutor force journalists to divulge their sources in order to punish the leakers. But when other, vastly more sensitive, classified information was leaked – the existence of secret prisons in Europe, the NSA’s wiretapping program, etc. – the press gasped with outrage at the suggestion that such leaks should be investigated.

He really can’t see the difference between “identity of a CIA agent,” on the one hand, and “secret torture prisons” and “warrantless domestic spying,” can he? Isn’t his side the one that always bitches about our side’s penchant for “moral equivalency”?


Even Shorter Tony Blankley:

“My enemies are America and Christianity.”


The Kathleen Parker one is especially odd… When talking about a rape case, she spends much of the column on what? Jesse Jackson.


“That building with no windows and the razor wire around it, you know, where you hear the screams from every night, no, that’s not a prison.”

Okay, okay, but it’s a secret prison! No one knows it’s a prison! They tell the prisoners, well except they’re not, it’s a day-spa, only they get to stay for years, so you see it’s all right, and don’t tell anyone”


wow. Michelle malkin is an idiot.


Ow. Laughing that hard hurts.


I swear I’ve read something by that Daniel Son guy before…


Larry Kudlow anyone that can say ” the president’s lean budget” with a straight face is either very stupid or a damn good liar.


Tony Blankley.


How can you even begin to attack these men and be taken seriously, ever!?!?


No, no, Cherizac, liberals don’t REALLY stand for those things. They just try to fool us into thinking so. They REALLY just want to aid terrorists.


How do you do that? It’s like keg-standing a full keg of Wild Irish Rose, assuming such a wonderful product existed.


Since 1980, Dr. Williams has served on the faculty of George Mason University in Fairfax, VA as John M. Olin Distinguished Professor of Economics.

O-M-G! “There is no spoon.”


You were WAY TOO NICE to Goldberg.

He is a third-rate propagandist peddling fourth-rate Repug Talking Points in support of a sixth-rate president.

(Now, I’m being too nice.)


Apparently, those of you who’ve read Dr. Williams column on the federal deficit are totally economically illiterate. I’d imagine you don’t know what fiscal policy is and probably don’t really care anyway. I would suggest checking out this webpage that explains fiscal policy
Maybe then you can comment and even attack his columns as an informed dissenter. If you think you’ve got the economic answers then take this economics literacy test from the Federal Reserve bank of Minnesota.
Most of you will fail miserably!


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