Out For Blood
Posted on October 19th, 2009 by D. Aristophanes
ABOVE: Amy “Coli” Alkon learns why eating
rare burgers may not be a good idea
Shorter Amy Alkon, The Advice Goddess
Don’t Edit My Damn Food Order
- As you probably suspected, I have consumed gallons of third-party saliva in my years as a restaurant patron.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Tintin adds: Sorry, but this was just an irresistible opportunity for another t-shop.
I have consumed gallons of third-party saliva in my years as a restaurant patron.
If your waiter spits in your food, is that third-party saliva or second-party saliva? I mean, it’s not like you’re eating the saliva of the cow, lamb, pig, goat, snail, or republican in question.
Classic.
When I ordered, I forgot to micromanage, “And I really mean rare,”… Just bring me my goddamn burger the way I ordered it.
I forgot to tell the waitress to make sure my burger was a safe haven for e. coli, and that silly bitch didn’t read my mind to determine how I liked it cooked so it wasn’t the way I like it. This is why people like waitresses don’t deserve to earn a living wage.
The bright spot is, of course, that if La Alkon continues to eat uncooked hamburger meat (why does this not surprise me?), sooner or later there will be a nice little surprise waiting for her…bloody diarrhea.
On second thought, however, a bloody-diarrhea moat probably tops a shit moat.
The bright spot is, of course, that if La Alkon continues to eat uncooked hamburger meat (why does this not surprise me?), sooner or later there will be a nice little surprise waiting for her…bloody diarrhea.
That will give her shit moat the spot of color it’s been missing.
D’oh!
Food workers are number 2 on the list of people never to piss off. Your surgeon, immediately before surgery, is number 1.
Looks like she might have gone for nos. 1 and 2.
According to Anthony Bourdain in his book “Kitchen Confidential”, you do not ever annoy the waitstaff, and you do not EVER send anything back to the kitchen for fine tuning.
Saliva if she’s lucky!
She also likes undercooked eggs, which is even more clever than undercooked beef. I can’t wait to hear her complain about how she can’t get her chicken rare.
Would you like some more snotchos, Amy?
I thought “don’t piss off the people who handle your food” was common knowledge even among wingnuts. It appears I was wrong.
Even shorter Alkon:
My life sux when I forget to be anal.
Evil Bender, I think the error is assuming the wingnuts put any stock in anything with the word “knowledge” anywhere near it.
Food workers are number 2 on the list of people never to piss off. Your surgeon, immediately before surgery, is number 1.
3. barbers
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/7/8089372_0e79fbcd6d_o.gif
4. Your professor, right before he grades your term paper.final exam.
Gotta lotta Shit Moats on the lot, just begging for quick sale under our 0% financing program.
Lotta Shit Moats. Lot. Ta. Shit. Moats.
The Tuscan, the Beverly Hills, the Riviera, the Vatican: All Must Go.
Act now or we’ll be forced to deal with the consequences of an inventory of thousands of kilos of stinking feces.
Please help us. Please help. PLEASE HELP!!1!111!!!!!
The painful lack of self-awareness is strong with this one.
Flying Fox: good point. And, hey, treating service industry workers like shit right in line with wingnut ideology.
Who would have guessed that chain Italian restaurants don’t make good hamburgers?
When I ordered, I forgot to micromanage
She must have been the prototype for the Sally character in “When Harry Met Sally”…how did I guess she’d be one of those motherfuckign obnoxious types who specifiy shit right down to the temperature of the soy vinagrette dressing on the side, and please make sure you mix it in the blender so the oils and vinegar are not blobby….
She’s lucky if all she’s gotten is spit in her food.
Who orders a burger at an Italian restaurant?
By the way, Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™
It’s like Amy’s the WordPress of restaurants.
What bugs me is that this person is paid to tell the public how to behave.
It’s not particularly surprising that Alkon treats waitstaff like brain-damaged morans and is blissfully unaware of the repercussions of offending the people who handle your food. Afterall, they just aren’t the right class of people.
Also not surprising is her lovely combination of fussiness about food (When I ordered, I forgot to micromanage because micromanaging her food order is her usual M.O.) and shockingly epic sense of entitlement (Just bring me my goddamn burger the way I ordered it).
Let’s look at what the put-upon server actually said:
You know, it seems to me that a libertarian ought to recognize that restaurants have the liberty to choose what food they are going to serve. I mean, she essentially walked into an Applebees and asked for the salad bar. And then was offended when they didn’t have a salad bar. And then bitched and complained about how horrible the pathetic substitute they offered was. And then ate the substitute anyways.
Mad cow.
Saliva if she’s lucky!
You mean that wasn’t mayo?
Did you see a comment she made in her own comment’s section?
Asking for your meat rare, and even telling the waitress that you actually mean “rare” isn’t rude, and especially not when you’re a person who’s nice, and talks to the wait staff like they’re people and like you appreciate what they do. Which I am, and do.
Uh, no you’re not.
I forgot to tell the waitress to make sure my burger was a safe haven for e. coli, and that silly bitch didn’t read my mind to determine how I liked it cooked so it wasn’t the way I like it.
You know, most restaurants have a disclaimer at the bottom of their menu that either says, a) hey, if you order an undercooked burger and get e coli, that’s your fucking problem, or b) we only cook our food to a safe temperature. It’s not the waitstaff’s problem that she can’t read. She probably should have said something to her, but she seems like a horrible person, and if I were her waitron, I would minimize conversation with her too.
What wingnut doesn’t want their meat rare? It’s the closest you can get to the taste of freshly-killed baby.
talks to the wait staff like they’re people
They are people.
I never touch the Soylent Waitress, though.
Take 1:
“When I ordered, I forgot to micromanage, “And I really mean rare,” as I often do at American restaurants that aren’t in the gourmet or gourmet-ish genre, so numbskulls won’t edit my food.”
Take 2 (in teh comments):
“Asking for your meat rare, and even telling the waitress that you actually mean “rare” isn’t rude, and especially not when you’re a person who’s nice, and talks to the wait staff like they’re people and like you appreciate what they do. Which I am, and do.”
I say someone’s trying to micromanage their stroppy insults.
“talks to the wait staff like they’re people and like you appreciate what they do”=acts like a condescending see you next Tuesday who thinks that the waitstaff isn’t smart enough to see through your fake bullshit.
Most chain places, like Red Robin, TGI Friday’s, Chili’s, and Applebees have a corporate policy that prohibits them from serving rare or even medium rare burgers. Rather than ask how you want it done, the servers nowadays just ask something like “did you want a little bit of pink in that, or no pink?” In other words, “medium” or “medium-well”.
You can sign all the little waivers you want; it is a meaningless exercise. If the “Advice Goddess” landed a dose of gut-bugs, the restaurant has to assume she would sue them, and that the court would discard her little impromptu waiver for the meaningless scrap of paper it is. You can’t indemnify someone for knowingly putting you at risk just by scrawling some half-ass note on a bar napkin.
Jeezus, lady, why don’t you go Galt and make your own damn burgers, already?
Food workers are number 2 on the list of people never to piss off. Your surgeon, immediately before surgery, is number 1.
3. barbers
4. Your professor, right before he grades your term paper.final exam.
All good choices, but ahead of restaurant people, at number two, should be cops.
Oh and PS,
You can get rare hamburgers, and they are even safe to eat – but you gotta grind your own meat (not a veiled masturbation reference) just before you’re going to “cook” it. Not exactly a common approach to burger-making. You can find that sort of thing in some specialty burger joints and other very specific restaurants, but expecting it at every Italian chain restaurant is retarded.
Or you could go to a proper French restaurant and order steak tartare.
The only kind of beef you can’t get rare is ground beef.
That’s because when you grind meat, you expose the center of the steak to the contaminants that previously only the outside was exposed to. You basically cross contaminate the whole serving of meat as efficiently as possible. NEVER EVER LOOK AT AN INDUSTRIAL MEAT GRINDER IF YOU WANT TO EAT A HAMBURGER AGAIN.
Meat processing is nasty…
“talks to the wait staff like they’re people”? The woman’s a saint on earth!
“wait staff” = “people”! Imagine that!
First off, Amy ought to be familiar with the term “black and blue” which, if you’re like me and like your steaks mooing, is how you order them.
Note I said “steaks”. No one makes a rare hamburger anymore simply because it’s too damned much work and most people don’t know the difference between rare (red with red juices) and medium rare (deep pink in the middle with clear juices).
As others have pointed out, most restaurants will clearly disclaim any attempts to make rare burgers out of health concerns for mad cow disease. If you want a rare burger that badly, then you go home and cook it yourself (which I will on occasion) and like a good libertarian, limit the risks to only yourself and respect the health of other diners who come after you, since most restaurants don’t clean the griddle and spatulas after every fucking burger is cooked.
Third hottest.
You can get rare hamburgers, and they are even safe to eat – but you gotta grind your own meat (not a veiled masturbation reference) just before you’re going to “cook” it.
Eeeep! No! If it’s tainted, it’s tainted. You’re less likely to get sick from something that’s from one animal than a restaurant burger, which could have meat from hundreds of animals from various places just because the odds are lower, but you can still get sick from whole-muscle meat. Grass-fed beef is much, much less likely to be tainted, especially if it’s processed at a small processor where they can take their time and know how not to get shit all over everything, but there’s still a small risk.
Basically, the only way to avoid e coli 100% is to handle meat like it’s radioactive and cook it to the right temperature. Since I’m young and fairly healthy, I will take chances with beef that I know, but anybody who is immune compromised or otherwise unhealthy really shouldn’t eat undercooked meat.
“…most restaurants will clearly disclaim any attempts to make rare burgers out of health concerns for mad cow disease”
Cooking does nothing to the prion proteins that cause vCJD (mad cow). You are thinking of bacteria and nasty parasites.
Since I’m young and fairly healthy, I will take chances with beef that I know
Veiled one-night-stand disclaimer.
That’s false. It’s E. coli they’re worried about, a much more common threat. Can’t cook out mad cow disease, unfortunately.
“…most restaurants will clearly disclaim any attempts to make rare burgers out of health concerns for mad cow disease”
Cooking does nothing to the prion proteins that cause vCJD (mad cow). You are thinking of bacteria and nasty parasites.
No, actually, I meant vCJD. As someone else pointed out upthread, many cows end up in the burger meat, whereas one steak is from one cow.
In case you think I’m fulla it:
http://www.organicconsumers.org/madcow/burger21904.cfm
Third hottest.
Third?!?! Time to declare war on Norway and send the Bhutanese Thunder Ninjas to abduct Yulia – for questioning.
Veiled one-night-stand disclaimer.
My husband’s a butcher. I am well-versed in gratuitous meat jokes.
Amy spends a lot of time in her own comments section, challenging everything anyone says and taking offense even at vague comments that aren’t directed at her, but that she suspects might be.
Third hottest.
Hamid Karzai is 41st? Ahead of Siggunsdottir of Iceland?
The UN will have to investigate yet ANOTHER Afghan election!
Your link specifically says “cooking does not kill prions” which is what causes mad cow disease.
Actor:
From yer link:
“But cooking does not kill prions. The way to make burgers safe from mad cow disease is to make sure the proteins never get in the meat. “
As far as Mad Cow, you’re probably not going to get it as long as you avoid branes and super-processed ground meat. Of course, it would be completely preventable if WE DIDN’T FEED CHICKEN SHIT AND DEAD ANIMALS TO CATTLE, but I think a few people are going to have to die here for us to do anything about it.
Polk, Subbie….where did I say the concerns were about cooking the meat?????
Wotta dumb list anyways. Prime Ministers are not Heads of State fer chrissakes. Gordon Brown and Stephen Harper FFS. And Balkenende. I dunno what J.D. Dobson’s problem with women is, but his actions sure seem gay (and I mean that in the most homosexual way possible).
Yeah, where’s Queenie on that list anyway?
T&U,
The odds are very low of getting vCJD in America. Full stop.
Man, what a bunch of shitbag assholes.
Yes, because as furriners, they don’t speak english IN FUCKING ENGLAND. Assholes.
This post has it all–wingnut/libertarian scold on a toilet, meat jokes, snotchos, shit moats, public health issues, and a world leader hotness factor contest. A Well Done Win!
The odds are very low of getting vCJD in America. Full stop.
Yeah, the regulations re: downers are actually pretty strict and have become more so since the cases in the UK. As far as I know, the US’s use of animal products in cattle feed has been a lot less extensive than in the UK.
Here:
I mean holy figgity farking shit – those cobags at HottestHeadsOfState even got Samoa wrong. I mean, everybody knows that the Head of State of Samoa is Tufuga Efi, the O le Ao o le Malo.
Ya know, I like a still breathing piece of cow as much as the next disgusting carnivore, but I also understand that my state’s laws prevent restaurants* from serving me a still breathing piece of cow, so if I want a still breathing piece of cow, I take the radical step of preparing food in my own kitchen.
People who yell at people who handle their food may as well lick the floors in a public toilet.
*When I lived in Indiana you could sign a release, which I thought was a good compromise, but still, if I want it done my way, I cook it at home because really, no waiter on the planet gets paid enough to give a damn about my eating habits.
As others have pointed out, most restaurants will clearly disclaim any attempts to make rare burgers out of health concerns for mad cow disease.
Inartfully put.
Veiled BDSM ref.
Can’t cook out mad cow disease, unfortunately.
Statement of fact or challenge?
Their FAQ is pretty funny. Nonetheless they should be bombarded with requests to GET GHADDAFI UP TO TOP POSITION WHERE HE BELONGS. Or even, you know, on the list at all.
It’d be like a sloppy joe but with ashes.
A wingnut go to a French restaurant? Heaven forfend!
They even missed Dennis Wardlow, the rare case where the Prime Minister is the Head of State.
Statement of fact or challenge?
Someone trying to start a flame war.
Imma settle this once and for all. Where’s my motherfucking prions?
Statement of fact or challenge?
Count me out. If I’m going to die from brain damage, it’s not going to be from a motherfucking burger.
NO SUBSTITUTIONS!
It’s true that Prions are more dangerous than bacteria, but they also get much better gas mileage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS79YzlFuL8
FYI, Ryan Reynolds married Scarlett Johansson. SUCK ON THAT, LIB-TARDS.
It’s true that Prions are more dangerous than bacteria
That’s simply not true. The brothers over at Alpha Delta Pri are upstanding citizens while camels spit a lot…
Not unlike Jokerface herself. Of course, she doesn’t have to worry about intestinal parasites; professional courtesy, you know.
Dennis Wardlow, the rare case where the Prime Minister is the Head of State
Sorry, we only serve Prime Minister medium-rare.
A friend’s toddler just spent two weeks in the hospital due to e. coli he got from ground beef. His kidneys completely shut down. He’s basically fine now, but that taught me that you don’t mess around with ground beef.
That being said, I hate the idea (from Bourdain, as someone noted above) that if a restaurant messes up my order, I’m not allowed to ask them to fix it, lest I get spit in my food for asking them to bring me what I actually ordered in the first place.
Sorry, we only serve Prime Minister medium-rare.
You’re not getting Dennis Wardlow medium-rare. d00d is so baked, he’s past well done.
All good choices, but ahead of restaurant people, at number two, should be cops.
ohhh, good catch! Especially if you’re black professor standing in your own home!
Alkon shows up in the comments and wants a medal for treating people like…people. Based on the tone of her writing, I have a very, very hard time believing that she’s kind or polite to restaurant staffs, at least not in a way that isn’t very condescending.
that if a restaurant messes up my order, I’m not allowed to ask them to fix it, lest I get spit in my food for asking them to bring me what I actually ordered in the first place.
it makes a difference if you ask politely and if a mistake was clearly made.
That being said, I hate the idea (from Bourdain, as someone noted above) that if a restaurant messes up my order, I’m not allowed to ask them to fix it, lest I get spit in my food for asking them to bring me what I actually ordered in the first place.
That really doesn’t happen unless a) you’re a total fucking asshole about it, or b) you’re being anal about something that you didn’t request in the first place, like you think there are too many microgreens on your pork or something stupid like that.
Someone trying to start a flame war.
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Ok, ready.
c) server is having a bad day
d) server is trying to impress the new girl with how cool he is
e) you order something totally fucking stoopit like rare hamburger or spaghetti and risotto.
That being said, I hate the idea (from Bourdain, as someone noted above) that if a restaurant messes up my order, I’m not allowed to ask them to fix it, lest I get spit in my food for asking them to bring me what I actually ordered in the first place.
Speaking only from my experience, you have to have acted like a real jagoff for a member of the cook or wait staffs to expectorate in your food. A cook or waitron that makes a habit of doing that for every sent-back meal doesn’t last long. Only times I’ve ever seen it done was because the customer was being either racist, sexist or homophobic, and the manager was too busy to throw the offending party out.
Veiled one-night-stand disclaimer.
To date, all of my one-night stands have refused to wear veils.
Ya know, I like a still breathing piece of cow as much as the next disgusting carnivore
If you live in New Jersey, that can have many meanings.
Alkon in her comment thread:
Really? Could you list a couple of the places you have enjoyed “rare hamburgers” at?
I’m a fan of rare steaks, make it clear that I want it as rare as they’re allowed to serve it (quite rare here in PA), and have sent a couple back in my time (I’ll live with medium rare, but well done goes back). I’m always polite about it to the server, usually showing them the meat after I’ve cut into it. I don’t complain about burgers being medium to well done as long as they’re juicy. If I find an establishment doesn’t produce something I can eat, I make a point not to go there.
What Miss Amy seems to miss is that if she becomes ill from e. coli contamination, it can affect more than her own wellbeing. If she prepares food for others or merely handles items with her contaminated fingers, she can pass the joy along.
I do think the waitress should have informed her that her request could not be fulfilled and let here either sulk and pout or stomp off like the toddler she obviously is.
Keep holding the chicken, Jack.
D-KW – who the fuck is J. D. Dobson?
but well done goes back
I’m an eater of undercooked meat as well (not a veiled PENIS reference) – and I have never gotten a well-done steak when I asked for rare. I suppose it might happen, if your order was actually mixed up with someone else’s, in which case – it should go back. The worst I’ve gotten are steaks in the medium-rare to medium range – these I eat anyways, as I can’t bear the thought of wasted cow flesh.
A wingnut go to a French restaurant? Heaven forfend!
No shit. They don’t like them even when they’re in France.
Damn, I was going to supply a link but I can”t find it – was it Debbie Schlussel who complained about the restaurants in Paris?
No Gaddafi, Berlusconi way down at #65, and no Manuel Zelaya with his always perfect mustache, always new cowboy hat, and shiny black leather jacket. It is indeed a dumb list.
I pointed out Zelaya’s absence in the comments and someone troll rated me!
Umm, even when the whingernut is in France, I mean. Of course.
I’m an eater of undercooked meat as well (not a veiled PENIS reference)
And thus does DKW out himself…
Spitting in food at restaurants doesn’t happen all that often (speaking as a former waitron), but then again: it does happen.
Being condescending and an asshole tend to place one in the category when said sputum may well be spit.
Like others have commented: if you’re a reasonable person and polite to the staff, they won’t get upset by being asked to return food when or if there’s something really wrong. The operative word here is: courtesy.
Courtesy is not something in most wingers’ dictionaries or discourses these days, so the liklihood of spit happening is high in this particular incident. Rock on.
who the fuck is J. D. Dobson?
An ignorant idiot who is rating the hot-ness of various Heads of State, with out knowing what a Head of State actually is.
PeeJ,
Lisa Schifren: http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/22891.html
and I have never gotten a well-done steak when I asked for rare.
I suspect my experiences were with new cooks at the restaurant I frequent who 1) really don’t know how to tell doneness and/or 2) haven’t clue about holdover cooking. My spousal unit likes well done. I think the cook wrongly cooks mine medium rare or medium and the holdover while waiting for his to finish does the rest. Since we’re regulars who tip well and are known by the staff, owners, and managers as such, there’s never been a problem (and there’s even been a free dinner on occasion.) Being a regular helps.
Being condescending and an asshole tend to place one in the category when said sputum may well be spit.
Or if you’re a Vegas cop who goes to Joe Pesce’s restaurant in “Casino”…
Shorter Amy Alkon:
You call this a HAMBURGER? I could make a better hamburger with my ASSHOLE!!!!!
And thus does DKW out himself…
You wish.
was it Debbie Schlussel who complained about the restaurants in Paris?
Lisa Schieffren I think, over at ASW…
Where today Doughbob is having a protracted brain-fart about sammiches and lobbyists wrestling with their conscience.
This shortly after insulting Bill Maher thusly – “he’s got the values of a Belgian pimp”. Begian, huh? Why? I guess I might take offense if I were precious about my distant Flemish roots.
And thus does DKW out himself…
You wish.
The closet door. It creaks.
An interesting Corner topic: Who are competitors in the great race to be America’s number-one sellout?
Inadvertent self-referential statement from Fudgie.
holdover
Sounds plausible. Just wanted to raise the point that there are jerkwads that get stuff medium-rare when they asked for rare, and call it massively over-cooked and
An interesting Corner topic: Who are competitors in the great race to be America’s number-one sellout?
Sez the guy with a Hitler-mustache-wearing happy face on the cover of his book.
The closet door. It creaks.
That’s not the closet door making those noises, that’s your Mom’s bedsprings.
Inadvertent self-referential statement from Fudgie.
Or, you know, this.
The closet door. It creaks.
That’s not the closet door making those noises, that’s your Mom’s bedsprings.
I don’t recall collecting your admission.
There is an excellent book about prions (The Family That Couldn’t Sleep: A Medical Mystery_ (Random House), D. T. Max) if anyone is interested. Fascinating read. It’ll make you think twice about early onset alzheimer’s, that’s for sure.
Didn’t put me off my meat (heh), but then, as it can take up to 40 years for prions to eat your brains to the point where things start getting really exciting, I just figure it’s a bit late to start worrying…..now, if you’ll excuse me, where DID I put those car keys?
Why am I not surprised? The first first topic in the GØP.com forum.
“Jon Magerle” asks:
Also, the only correct way to respond to “how would you like that cooked” (at least where slabs of bovine flesh are concerned) is, Pittsburgh.
I don’t recall collecting your admission.
Whatever, I already showed you the stamps on my “tenth ride free” card.
All good choices, but ahead of restaurant people, at number two, should be cops.
Also somewhere on the list: airline ticketing agents. Some day we’ll be able to fly out of Newark again without being flagged for special security screening.
Another thing I haven’t seen mentioned in the thread as a reason for the restaurants not to serve rare ground beef: while Alkon may take her case of bloody diarrhea like a man (as it were), these things have to be reported to the health department, and when they hit the newspapers they don’t do wonders for a restaurant’s reputation.
You’re only25% troll.
what it would take for a state to succeed from the union?
Pretty sure the first requirement is that you have to know how to spell “secede.”
I’d like to read that whole GOP.com forum thread about secession (aka “succession”) but I don’t have 88 thousand million billion years to wait for page 2 to load.
what it would take for a state to succeed from the union?
Pretty sure the first requirement is that you have to know how to spell “secede.”
Maybe the state really wants to know how to get to Carnegie Hall.
You’re only25% troll.
Thanks. Don’t tell anyone, but two of those thumbs up are mine.
what it would take for a state to succeed from the union?
Get back more in Federal aid than you pay in taxes sounds like a formula for secess…
Am I the only one who thinks that fine tuning your order too much is an insult to the chef? It basically says you don’t have any faith in them.
If you are a regular, and have tried the dish before, then yeah, go ahead and ask for it just how you like it.
If a dish is intended to have various options, the waiter will ASK you how you want it done.
Then I will rate for you a second time to make your support more broad-based.
I’d rather nibble a blue-rare hamburger than the totally non-hot Lukashenko, and I’m a vegetarian. What the hell is he doing so high on the list? Is Dobson’s day job as a baseball umpire?
I’ve only looked at the first page of that GOP forum thread, but what I’ve seen I like. Someone with a GOP elephant for an avatar notes that secession is unconstitutional. Then commenter N.G. swoops in.
Keep fucking that chicken, wingnuts.
I’d rather nibble a blue-rare hamburger than the totally non-hot Lukashenko, and I’m a vegetarian
Agreed. If your hair doesn’t match your mustache, you are not hot. See also: Bolton, John.
I don’t see why a state that wants to secede from the Union would give a flying fuck about the laws of the Union from which it wants to secede.
Oh…for the record:
Oh, and OT (because that’s mostly all I’m capable of), tig and lawnguylander, thanks so much for the baby gifts! I’m behind on my thank you notes, but I’ll get them out eventually…
Invasion of Nroway has been called off. In another Dobson and Kate boner (not a veiled PENIS reference), Jens Stoltenerg is PM – not Head of State.
And while Harald V has a certain silver-fox appeal*, there ain’t no way he compares to teh Wangchuck.
*half-hearted support for old Norwegian geezebag is based primarily on wanting to do his daughter
From the FAQ:
Note: Comments arguing that Alexander Lukashenko is not that hot will be ignored.
It’s not that he’s not “that hot”–it’s that he’s not hot AT ALL.
He’s hotter than the depths of space. And.. no, that’s it, I’m done.
I was wondering if anyone could help me on this subject..what it would take for a state to succeed from the union? I know with joining the union you need to have 3/5 of the states to ratify the constitution but can not find what it takes to leave and form own government..one that supports itself….i would keep the first ten ammendments and a few others that are necessary like voting age womens rights…let me know if you could please
Wouldn’t want to keep the 13th or 14th, since those are likely the problem here.
actor212, can you summarize the Court’s reasoning? I’ve often wondered why the conclusion of history was, “Secession was illegal”, not “Secession was legal, then the dumbass slaveowners started a fight they couldn’t win and their states were annexed back into the union”. I’ve never seen an argument against the claim that the 10th amendment does indeed grant (or at least not take away) the right to secede. Is it because of something in the Articles of Confederation?
Tintin adds: Sorry, but this was just an irresistible opportunity for another t-shop.
Sorry?!?!?! I think you’d better be sorry if I don’t see at least one per week.
Do people normally smile like that whilst in teh throes of explosive bloody diarrhea?
c.f. the mission statement on the right-hand side of the blog
DKW proves that liberals do not understand science.
Evidently, a basic functioning grasp of literacy, grammar, and nomenclature would be a hot start. Other than that, a willingness to be an economic pariah, and possibly survive a second Civil War.
Someone should post on the forum that the only way for state to succeed is for 100% of the people to support it, but that won’t happen in any state unless ALL The “real conservatives” decide to move into one, and call for vote.
Think about it!!! At the cost of one state, (most likely a red majority anyway) US could be free from all wingnuts!
Except the ones who would tay back lurking in basements and fight the battle in blogs, but then they could be asked why they won’t move to the wingnut paradise of The real Amurikan Heartland of Jesus and Applepie.
At the cost of one state, (most likely a red majority anyway) US could be free from all wingnuts!
Move that the state be South Carolina. Second?
Wasn’t there some sort of failed attempt with Vermont or something? Strange that they wouldn’t pick Wyoming…
Lukashenko don’t surf.
>>Other than that, a willingness to be an economic pariah, and possibly survive a second Civil War.
You think you can scare us that easily, other 49 states including Alaska and Texas hate everyone else anyhow? Sorry, but we will do it, because why should we have to bail you out of your foreclosure problems. Economic pariah, my ass.
DKW proves that liberals do not understand science.
Sure I do. Science is about empirically testing things. And with that in mind, I’m volunteering to test Yulia Tymoshenko’s hotness. For Science of course.
Because our health care system, while it remains the best in the country and while it provides largely the services that people need and the quality of those services are very, very good, there are costs associated with this system that needs to be address more directly.
Second the motion that all wingnuts move to South Carolina. They started all that shit the last time anyway…
Winning comment over at shit moat central,
Apparently, the restaurant did tell her.
I’m volunteering to test Yulia Tymoshenko’s hotness. For Science of course.
Science appreciates your sacrifice.
And, as much as I love Michelle Obama (and I do, probably more than Barack, in fact), if we’re going to call Michelle a style icon, Yulia Tymoshenko is a style goddess.
Ok Tintin man you almost made me literally die laughing with your t-shop. Baby you are SO gay and I mean that in the best possible way for real.
Oh, and OT (because that’s mostly all I’m capable of), tig and lawnguylander, thanks so much for the baby gifts!
Hang on! You’re accepting
bribesgifts???From another commenter behind the shit moat:
For the record:
http://www.lectlaw.com/files/cur78.htm
I likes it rough.
Am I the only one who thinks that fine tuning your order too much is an insult to the chef? It basically says you don’t have any faith in them.
Yeah, well, worrying about E.coli is an insult to the free market, because it implies you don’t have faith in large corporations to produce non-tainted meat.
“…Kinda like how McDonald’s can’t serve their coffee above a certain temperature because some moron had to sue because she burned her legs by putting coffee in between them…”
Couldn’t happen to a nicer corporation. McDonald’s is one of the most litigious corporations there is.
Let’s see you use the letters “Mc” in anything and they’ll have a team of lawyers at your door faster than you can say “cease and desist”.
Wasn’t there some sort of failed attempt with Vermont or something?
Well, obviously Vermont knows better than I do, but the movement I heard more bandied about was to New Hampshire, the so-called “Free State Project”. And Cory Burnell’s “Christian Exodus” group started with their sights on S.C. then I think changed to someplace out west, Idaho maybe? Anyway, I love the thought of the left/liberal Vermonters and Ultra-right Free Staters both succeeding in their seceding, right next door to each other.
Lurking Canadian,
Chief Justice Salmon Chase (who appears on the $10,000 bill), wrote the majority decision in Texas v. White and said:
(emphasis added)
I likes it rough.
FYWP
I have consumed gallons of third-party saliva in my years as a restaurant patron.
If your waiter spits in your food, is that third-party saliva or second-party saliva?
3nd-party saliva:
“Waiter? My compliments to the lovely lady at the table in the corner, and please put this in her food.”
From Amy:
Then they were breaking the law.
“My this consommé is tangy! Please give my compliments to the chef.”
If your waiter spits in your food, is that third-party saliva or second-party saliva?
It’s like there’s parties in my mouth, and all the saliva’s invited!
Proof positive that wingnuts can’t handle discussing any subject under-the-sun whatsoever without finding a way to make it about “teh gheys”:
from the comments on Amy Alkon’s hamburger column:
This commenter was “unimpressed to say the least” by the actions– not of the Pizza Hut that allowed an order to go out with “fag” scrawled across it– but “unimpressed” at the action of the gays. After all, allowing an order to go out calling your customers “fags” is a “minor infraction,” I guess kind of like forgetting to include a straw for the milkshake with your take-out order.
Imagine that.
This commenter was “unimpressed to say the least” by the actions– not of the Pizza Hut that allowed an order to go out with “fag” scrawled across it– but “unimpressed” at the action of the gays.
Deep in his heart, the commenter was hoping for a much stronger overreaction from the bar.
“You want a tip? *unzip*”
o/~ When you’re waiter spits your food
Cuz you’ve been awful rude
That’s an Alkonnnnnnnnnnn o/~
Your, actor, your food
I plead insomnia.
And then bitched and complained about how horrible the pathetic substitute they offered was. And then ate the substitute anyways.
How small were the servings?
DKW, how were the cinnamon rolls?
“…Kinda like how McDonald’s can’t serve their coffee above a certain temperature because some moron had to sue because she burned her legs by putting coffee in between them…”
Mickey D’s still serves it coffee at 180 degrees. Their reasoning is that for the average customer by the time he/she gets back home the coffee has cooled to the proper temp. Which is their choice I guess. The elderly woman didn’t spill the coffee either, if I recall it was the drive up server who spilled it when she handed it to her.
But then facts matter to me.
“Waiter? My compliments to the lovely lady at the table in the corner, and please put this in her food.”
Next time I get two blow jobs, I’ll give you one.
The elderly woman didn’t spill the coffee either, if I recall it was the drive up server who spilled it when she handed it to her.
Um. No.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liebeck_v._McDonald's_Restaurants
And one of the reasons Liebeck won was that McDonald’s had received over 700 complaints about coffee burns, and had made several settlements for over $500,000.
Liebeck had initially asked for $20,000 to cover medical expenses. McDonald’s offered $800 (her med bills were over $11,000 at that point).
Let’s try that linky again…
Liebeck v McDonald’s
That McDonald’s thing never ceases to piss me off. Do they really think an elderly woman wanted to show pictures of her crotchal area to a large group of people for no particular reason? And, hell, she would have just had third-degree burns to her mouth if she hadn’t been “stupid” enough to spill it in her lap.
WP does not like my link to the Head-of-State link at the House of McGravitas. Apparently it was not cooked to a high enough temperature.
I plead insomnia.
Familial insomnia? Any other symptoms?
Hamid Karzai is 41st? Ahead of Siggunsdottir of Iceland?
If you mean Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, then she may play for the wrong team, but she can still nationalise my assets any time.
Vigdís Finnbogadóttir was worth a Phwoar back in the day.
Smut, let’s face facts: The beauty of Iceland’s population is likely rivalled by perhaps Turkey and maybe Finland.
If a dish is intended to have various options, the waiter will ASK you how you want it done.
“Would you like that Kiwi Hot or Indian Hot, Mr Clyde?”
Oh sure, we can thank Iceland for pretty people but they can never be forgiven for foisting Björk on the world.
Did her mother never tell her “shut up and eat what’s put in front of you”
Safety is one of the things a person can legitimately feel entitled to. Members of the lower classes obeying your every whim? NOT entitled to.
Then further suggested (without grounds) that the cooks would actually spit on their food.
Grounds? Grounds, you say? I can’t imagiine why they would get such a silly, ridiculous idea, can you?
Would you like that Kiwi Hot or Indian Hot, Mr Clyde?
Internetertronified.
I like my Kiwis hawt. Not seen here.
Not seen here.
I really asked Dad to put his pants back on…
If you cant stand the heat, order the Rogan Josh.
I was gazoogling for Dan Carter or some other hawt Kiwi when I ran across this Kiwi PENIS!
If you can’t stand the head, it was probably a mistake to set fire to the kitchen in the first place.
s/head/heat/
I was unaware of Aishwarya Rai. Now I am simultaneously bitter and happy to be reminded of a world outside my cubicle walls.
Mostly happy, tho.
If you can’t stand the head, it was probably a mistake to set fire to the kitchen in the first place.
s/head/heat/
The original has a more surreal edge to the joke. Also, penis.
If you can’t stand the head, it was probably a mistake to set fire to the kitchen in the first place.
Why were you smoking before the blow job was over, anyway?
If you can’t stand the head, it was probably a mistake to set fire to the kitchen in the first place.
s/head/heat/
The original has a more surreal edge to the joke. Also, penis.
I thought it was a boat joke.
Though “galley” would have been more correct.
Roger Ebert said, in a review of Bride and Prejudice, “If this column is not accompanied by a photograph of Aishwarya Rai, you have grounds for a lawsuit”. I have never seen a reason to disagree.
the Constitution was ordained “to form a more perfect Union.” It is difficult to convey the idea of indissoluble unity more clearly than by these words. What can be indissoluble if a perpetual Union, made more perfect, is not?
actor212, thanks for the legal background.
(deep pink in the middle with clear juices).
Heh heh…
Oh sure, we can thank Iceland for pretty people but they can never be forgiven for foisting Björk on the world.
Delicious Demon must be cooked to an internal temperature of 140 F. to prevent E. coli transmission.
If you can’t stand the head, it was probably a mistake to set fire to the kitchen in the first place.
Why were you smoking before the blow job was over, anyway?
Really intended as an unveiled reference to Icelandic cuisine.
Really intended as an unveiled reference to Icelandic cuisine.
Are you saying they don’t smoke the bone in Iceland?
Do people normally smile like that whilst in teh throes of explosive bloody diarrhea?
It’s the satisfaction she felt because she got it her way.
WOLVERINES!!TAPEWORMS!!!I’ve eaten rare burgers for much of my life and have managed to survive, as have millions of other people.
As a woman of a certain age much of Mlle. Alkon’s burger eating took place in a U.S. in which government regulations ensured a safe food supply. The fact that she is of the political persuasion that favored the dismantling of said regulations will, no doubt, be a source of schadenfreude when she ends up in an ICU with kidney problems because she just had to have that bloodburger.
I was a waiter once upon a time as well. There are worse things to put into food than saliva.
Much worse.
I was a waiter once upon a time as well. There are worse things to put into food than saliva.
E.g., brussels sprouts.
Is anyone else reminded of This scene?
Big Bad Bald Bastard said,
October 19, 2009 at 21:48
You have to wonder whether she orders it cooked in Durham’s Pure Leaf Lard.
LDMM: Never too soon to keep an eye out for future dates for Dash.
Mostly OT, just because I really really really want to post the link, I wonder what Amy would make of this dining experience.
Yum!! More sauce!
Geez,PeeJ, that’s got everything, zombies, teh ghey, the other white meat.
No abortions, though?
Yeah…as someone with food allergies, I have zero sympathy with people who aren’t willing to try something different or whine when they don’t get exactly what’s expected. If it isn’t going to kill you, shut up and eat it. If you don’t like it, don’t order it again.
PeeJ, just the thing to accompany that menu item:
http://www.amigofoods.com/grcoso17oz.html
LDMM: Never too soon to keep an eye out for future dates for Dash.
If they got married he’d be in for some SWEEET health care.
No abortions, though?
Dessert is at Baskin-Robbins.
Cock Soup! Much more enticing than cock-a-leeky.
Cock Soup! Much more enticing than cock-a-leeky.
But not as good as coq au vin. With succotash.
M. Bouffont: Princesses are nice but I think dash may want to check out the Farley twins at L,G&M. Twins!
Have “dated” twins. (Not at exactly the same time …)
Not all it’s made out to be. Competition, issues, y’know. Not to mention the kind of woman who’d date me: Always trouble, don’t need double.
Much more enticing than cock-a-leeky.
If you shake it off a couple of times before you zip up, you won’t have this problem.
shake it off a couple of times
Veil.
douglass melting keep phytoplankton
reduced fossil fuel years limits southern
More than three shakes constitutes masturbation. Better to stain your underpants than your immortal soul.
A bit late on both accounts, I’m afraid, but thanks for the tip.
thanks for the tip
Are we back to the FORESKIN HOLOCAUST??
Masturbation is permissible when done for the purpose of procreation.
Also supposed to be done indoors, as it turns out. Who knew?
So the neighbours have been complaining, then.
Check it, you swingin’ cats.
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My ass, it comes out clear,
I have a case of fatal squirtin.’
I ate, a burger full
of roadkill raw from the highway;
And more, much more than this,
I ordered it my way.
Boogers, I’ve had a few;
And drank saliva by the bucket.
I ordered, what I wanted to
And told the wait staff they could suck it
I planned each greasy meal;
Rare burger fills my day,
But more, much more than this,
I ordered it my way.
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I had it all and and I ate it raw;
And ordered it my way.
“If you don’t stop that you’ll go blind!”
“Can I just do it until I need glasses?”
She’d hate England. We cook the shit out of everything. “Rare” for us means “chewable”.
DKW, how were the cinnamon rolls?
I finally have an answer for those hottestheadofstate dorks .
Whoops. We’re talking about hot salty liquids that come from cocks now. Umm… I like noodles! (in a strictly heterosexual way of course)
Masturbation is permissible when done for the purpose of procreation.
Artsy fartsy liberals are all pro-creation.
Heh. He said wang.
Mr Brains, the only way you could top the lyrics is to have them sung by the Gypsy Kings. FTW.
I guess kind of like forgetting to include a straw for the milkshake with your take-out order.
Yes, because the folks at places like Pizza Hut know what the folks at places like the Pro Shop do with straws.
/not a veiled belch reference
I can’t wait until Mr. Brains and the Pr0k Faggots play Portland.
Preferably at a bar serving Brains Skull Attack.
Brains Skull Attack.
And there’s a dragon! This thread may be the most expansive yet cohesive example of topic creep EVAH!!1
Oh wait, speaking of expansive and creeps, not to mention dragons, there’s a new KLo thread.
The fact is, I just shot my goo looking at that picture. Amy sure is hot.
I should have mentioned, way, way, way upthread, that back in the day I was a bar waitress at Chili’s. How far back in the day? Over 20 years – back in that time of innocence where, if you forgot to ask a customer how they wanted their burger cooked, they would basically get raw meat. I got into an epic fight with a manager once because I forgot to write down how to cook a burger, and it was sent back by the customer because it was raw. He kept going on and on about “that’s our burger temp if you don’t specify” and I was on about “this is a fucking public health hazard as well as disgusting to boot.” Of course, the reason that “raw” was the default “burger temp” is that it was cheaper to not cook the burger than to cook it to a safe level of doneness. Then about 3 or 4 years later, a bunch of people died from eating at Jack in the Box, and apparently the company realized that – doh! – raw hamburger is a public health hazard. Of course, by that time I was long departed from waitressing, but I’ve always hoped that manager remember that altercation.
I’m big on rare steak, but that’s steak. Hamburger is disgusting if it’s not cooked at least until it’s warm in the center and pink.
“so numbskulls won’t edit my food.”
Why do I sense that this comment is at odds with “when you’re a person who’s nice, and talks to the wait staff like they’re people and like you appreciate what they do. Which I am, and do.”
Back to the topic at hand, the main problem with Libertarians (so called) is that they rail against sensible regulation of corporate entities (e.g. meat processors), resulting in a reduction of their own personal liberties (e.g. ordering undercooked ground beef in a restaurant). Odd beasts, randroids. I’d advise against eating them at any degree of doneness, because they are bound to contain deleterious prions.
Here in Tokyo, I can walk down to the little restaurant on the corner and buy horse sashimi*. That’s thinly sliced raw horse meat. You can actually get pretty much anything sashimified. Chickens, cows, whales, dolphins, anything that ever swam or crawled in the ocean. Haven’t seen pig but it wouldn’t surprise me. I have also learned that the key to authentic Japanese food is to break a raw egg over the meal just before serving. Doesn’t really matter what the food is, just add a raw egg. Somehow the Japanese still have the longest lifespans.
Amy would love it here if it wasn’t for the strict anti-shit-moat by-laws.
*the menu brags that the horse meat is imported all the way from Canada. Apparently we Canucks raise some tasty horses. Makes me proud.
*the menu brags that the horse meat is imported all the way from Canada. Apparently we Canucks raise some tasty horses. Makes me proud.
I bought some prime Canadian horsemeat in a market in Zurich. Delicious!
Haven’t seen pig but it wouldn’t surprise me
For raw pig, Italy is the destination of choice.
Also supposed to be done indoors, as it turns out. Who knew?
Uh oh. And here I was trying to multitask on the “fresh air/sexual release front…
deleterious prions
I’m sooooooooo naming my next band “Deleterious Prions”…
@Shaun — the raw egg is interesting b/c when you throw it on something you just cooked, the egg cooks too– I had this done at my relatives’ place in Wakayama prefecture.
It happens at ryokans as well, when thy serve breakfast. The raw egg/rice combo was interesting.
But yes, some interesting variations on raw food there. Horsemeat is also big in France, where a while back the horse butchers got in a snit saying they were more skilled than the regular variety. And that they deserved to be paid more, I guess. Horse meat was once more common in the US pre WW II as well.
(I believe they use it now to make prosciutto in some countries).
We use only horse-fed horse, for that double horsed-in goodness.
The fact that feeding dead animals to their herd-mates isn’t specifically prohibited in Leviticus proves that even God could not anticipate how depraved we could get, especially in matters of diet and livestock handling.