Thank You Easter Bunny — Bawk Bawk!

Yay! The good Easter Bunny, whom we know and love, has lain the following morselly eggs of wingnut destruction!


Let’s inspect them and nibble of their chocolatey goodness:

teh l4m3, the Lara Croft of the Internets, uncovers 2,800 year old wingnuttery!

The profoundly disrespectable Outside The Tent concocts nefarious plans. No details are offered, but we here at Sadly, No! encourage you to invade OTT’s netspace, then spy, make friends, suck up, and offer sexual favors to gather intelligence, which you will report back to us ASAP (please). In the meantime, enjoy Outside The Tent’s wonderfully Over The Top wingnut-bashing, of which this is a good example.

In comments to this post by Ross Douthat (who is basically a slightly more intelligent Ben Shapiro — unbearably sexually frustrated, but more sophisticated in his overcompensated prudery), in which AssDouthat bemoaned a society that accepts and even welcomes pube-shaving, one Will Wilkinson offers a smashing retort. Smasho! Meanwhile, Roy Edroso perfectly Shorters, if not shaves, Douthat’s woolly, reactionary Kulturkrit.

Scott Lemieux catches Bill Kristol phoning-in tired Munichappeasmenthitler cliches. Yo: The next wingnut who references Chamberlain, Halifax, Munich, “Peace in our time,” etc., with regard to whatever’s-going-on-in-the-Middle-East, will be forced to loft at least two Chamberlain-model black umbrellas in an open field during an electrical storm. STiF the FU already, S the F up. Est-foo.

Robert Farley notes that the Kristolmethodists have a new pet, and makes the right analogy.

Last week, Professor Garry Wills argued that Jesus should be de-politicized. Wills is very smart, but he’s also a True Believing Catholic who wants Jesus-talk put in its spiritual place. To a large point, I agree; but where I part ways with Wills is the point at which he ignores the political context of Jesus’s time in arguing that He was only concerned with His spiritual sphere of influence. Wills is concerned with — and seeks to defend from partisans — Jesus the deity, not the Jesus of history.

Since it’s Easter, and since I have this new pulpit and I’ve played hookey from work: Jesus was part of a tradition of Jewish rebels, anti-Roman specifically and anti-colonial generally. Much of His problem with the Pharisees, Herod, the moneychangers in the temple, etc., was that Jesus, like Zealots before and after him, thought (rightly) that his fellows had sold out to the Romans — that they were puppets. The genius of Jesus, it seems, is that when it was apparent that His movement had failed politically (and since it failed, it was proof to many that he was not the Messiah), then He and His disciples directed their emphases to spiritual, rather than political, deliverance. Thus at the beginning, Christianity was a powerful solace to political losers, the persecuted, the defeated. Entropy applies to history, as always: What started as an honorable if, at the same time, pathetic fantasy-drug succoring the oppressed, now serves as a grotesquely-cut-with-impurites opium — wholly pathetic for so many modern evangelicals with delusions of persecution, but whose actual oppressions of others, domestic and abroad, are so frequently cloaked in Christ’s words, that it’s all the same for suckering the millions, whether -dollars or -souls.

One can honestly make many cases that Jesus was many things. Except, no doubt to Ross Douthat’s anguish, a wingnut. Certainly, Jesus was not properly pre-emptive, but then Jesus was only the Son of God, a minor and timid deity compared to Dear Leader.

Never mind the insane libertarians and wingnuts who insist that the New Deal was a totalitarian plot: FDR was a great president, but he has two major blots on his record. One is the internment of Japanese-Americans (which Michelle Malkin, of course, thinks was just awesome), and the second was his immigration policy, specifically toward European Jews. Since FDR respected his own campaign promises as well as the majority opinion of the people of the United States, he waited to go to war with Germany and Japan even though he personally wanted war double-super-pronto. But he should have, while waiting, taken in all of the Jewish refugees from Europe. He didn’t. Richard Silverstein references this shameful episode in a great post bashing the modern anti-immigration movement.

Professor Rodger A. Payne, whose measured, sober documentations of The Wingnuttiest Administration Ever’s atrocities make for great reading, discovers that he is only two degrees of separation away from Angelina Jolie. As I have already, on this Easter Sunday, somewhat dealt with Christianity, I’ll now turn to the more joyous, earthy aspects of paganism in reply to Prof. Payne: I have zero degrees of separation from the spectacular Ms. Jolie; since my request of the United Nations was honored, Ms. Jolie and I have been doing it like.. well, like bunnies*.

Yummy, those were some good Easter eggs of wingnut-bashing! Better than Cadbury Creme Eggs! Tank ya Easta Bunny Bawk Bawk!

But what’s this??!! Oh no, an evil bunny, possibly like that awful General Woundwort from Watership Down, has pooped out the following rotten eggs of pure wingnuttery!

The Yoest Infection‘s latest discharge of prudery. Previously, the cheesy Tony Blankley functioned as the YI’s host.

Special Ed of Crap ‘n Quaaludes deplores the Republican Congress — but not for its cynicism! Rather, Craptain Ed laments its deviation from the corporatist Money = Speech dictum that he and so many other wingnuts regard as a first principle. Ed is actually more farsighted than wingnuts in Congress: He knows that even if liberals can lately match wingnuts in political contributions (which is why Congressional Repugs are reform-minded), all campaign finance restrictions-reforms ultimately injure the Republican Party more in the long run (until corporate personhood is repealled), as they are the party of the wealthy, the party of the Chamber of Commerce, the party of Corporate America.

Patrick Bateman is nervous: an anti-immigration Third Party could break the coalition of wingnuts of which he is a proud member. Eek!

Hysterical Randroid Nicholas Provenzo is distraught to learn that the new Massachusetts law may allow poor people access to health care — something, needless to say, incompatible with his Social Darwinist ideal of a society wherein the poor cheerfully die because they have not achieved enough to earn the right to see a doctor.

Speaking of “achievement” (which I say, mockingly, in the voice of the wheelchaired fraud in The Big Lebowski), Pajamahadin Yosefsdottir or whatever his name is argues that objections to CEO compensation simply amounts to class-envy.

Finally, Marshall Wittless, in what is surely the most unseemly episode of adhesive wingnut-love since Hindsocket’s “George Bush is a genius” post, puts his elastic mandible to use by roundmouthing John McCain. Bullshit Moose? A disservice is thereby done to bulls and mooses. We prefer to think of him as ‘___shit _____.’

Or ‘shit’ for short.


* Naturally, a tissue of lies. Alas.


Comments: 23


I have discovered a new way to celebrate Easter.

Obtain a hollow chocolate bunny.

Bite off its ear.

Fill with your favorite Kahlua/Bailey’s/Godiva liqueur drink.

Add straw.

Watch as annoying relatives dissolve into a sonorous susurrus, surrounded by a serene shell of solicitude.


Retardo..that was brilliant.

…or I think it was, if I had read the whole thing.

Get this man an editor!


yeah, i know it sucks. maybe gavin will be around to clean up my numerous infelicities.


Oh, no, didn’t suck.


nah, you shouldn’t be! im the one who fucked up!


THanks for that link to my post about FDR & his refusal to rescue European Jewish refugees during WWII.


No doubt Dr. Sebly F. No (a suspiciously Elamitish name if I’ve ever heard one) regrets giving access to his still-malleable clay to this traitorous, appeasement-minded Urukagina-loving filth…


No doubt Dr. Sebly F. No (a suspiciously Elamitish name if I’ve ever heard one) regrets giving access to his still-malleable clay to this traitorous, appeasement-minded Urukagina-loving filth…

Nice try, Teh. We’re totally linking to you anyway.


Ms. Jolie and I have been doing it like.. well, like bunnies

Retardo, just because you had your dick shoved up Brad Pitt’s ass while he was screwing Angelina doesn’t mean you were having sex with her, sorry.


I can’t possibly laugh at that, no matter how tempted I am.


I have a quandry about Libertarianism/Objectivism (Especially Objectivism).

If altruism is the enemy and we should all look out for ourselves first, why shoouldn’t I support big government spending on social welfare?

After all, government funded healthcare is cheaper for me then paying out of my own pocket.

The only disadvantage is that it annoys other people.

If the primary moral and logical directive is “Look out for number one”, then, logically speaking, shouldn’t I embrace big government health care?

I’d really like it if one of these social darwinist types would answer that question.


Sexual favors will be considered in exchange for information on my nefarious plans at OTT. Simple spying, however, will be fruitless. Some have already tried the latter approach, and don’t make me name names, without success.


Christopher: I guess social-Darwinists never get sick!



re: objectivism – looking out for number one involves more than merely considering one’s own welfare first; it’s equally mercilessly necessary that the weak be crushed under your bootheel.

Now, yes, it may be cheaper and more beneficia to have nationalized healthcare, but it inadvertantly involves something that could be construed as altruistic. And as we’re all aware, altruism is the greatest form of evil the world has ever known.


Oooh, tough one for the Randroids! Do I maximize MY benefit by getting cheap healthcare, which has the side effect of assisting others? Or do I deprive the weak and sickly of whatever they cannot scrounge for themselves, knowing that it will increase my costs and misery?

Oh dear….

NORMAN COORDINATE! NORMAN COORDINATE! EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…


[the Mass health plan] fails to properly address the problem of poor people being provided free care at the expense of others.

this is one of the great non-Grogan sentences of teh internets.


I think that I may have a new favorite Swank sentence, however…

It is part of slaying non-Muslims for in fact Muslims don’t have the right to exist unless they become Muslim.


I just have to say that picture of the screaming rabbit with the bat is absolutely hilarious!


I’m prepared to offer sexual favors for the answer to Christopher’s question. Okay, the sexual favors I am offering are somewhat substandard, along the lines of a smutty fanfic about Jeff Gannon, but that might actually appeal to the sort of wingnuts who would have the answer to that anyway.


The Zealots as an organization did not exist “before and after” Christ. There were individual zealots–as in, religious fanatics–before, but Zealots with a capital Z did not exist until long after Christ’s death.


I didn’t mean Zealots as an “organization” — like those who died at Masada — I meant Zealots as a tradition. Jesus was taking after John the Baptist.


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