Two-Minute TownHall
When you do the same thing over and over, you notice certain patterns begin to emerge. For example, if you were to read every TownHall column published on Wednesday each week for about three months, as I have, you’d probably notice the atrocious copy editing. Especially if you were a trained copy editor, as I am. Fact-checking, obviously, is not of paramount concern — but I knew that before I started wasting two hours a week to create the most head-hittingly aggravating two minutes on the Internet. Punctuation, spelling and grammar rules are capriciously enforced, and sometimes within individual columns. Words are occasionally misspelled and, My God, the sentences! I’ve seen treehouses with more thorough craftsmanship.
One of these weeks, I’m going to start writing them down but, in the meantime, this in-house ad might be the most awesome example I’ve encountered yet:
All along, I just assumed the copy editing was done by callow, disinterested Heritage Foundation flunkies, but apparently it’s that Nigerian fellow who’s always e-mailing people to ask for financial assistance.
Shorter Mark Joseph: Boy, things sure have changed since 1984.
Shorter Walter Williams: Does the George Mason bandwagon have a smoking section?
Shorter Mike S. Adams: I just wasn’t cut out for the sturm und drang of life at an academic institution.
Shorter Megan Basham: If you’re reading this column, you’ll probably think the new movie Slither is too edgy for you.
Shorter Michelle Malkin: If a Democrat defended the Capitol police in a forest, I doubt I’d hear it. Same goes for criticism from her Democratic colleagues.
Shorter Ben Shapiro: The time has come for Israel to remove the shackles of democracy and select a warrior-king to lead her into battle against her enemies, in accordance with the prophecy.
Shorter Brent Bozell: Do you hear that? That’s the sound of the Washington Post’s editors, laughing at you and your cherished values.
Shorter Linda Chavez: And to think I’ve spent a career immunizing my readers to logic, only to have them turn on me when I appeal to their sense of reason.
Shorter Terence Jeffrey: I’ve got some hastily considered solutions to border security.
Shorter Jacon Sullum: Are you familiar with Porkbusters?
Shorter John Stossel: Looks like those clowns in the teachers’ union have done it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Shorter Jonah Goldberg: There’s a very thin line between taking television news seriously and urging your readers not to.
Shorter Kathleen Parker: Does it make you feel uncomfortable when I write in Spanish?
Shorter Tony Blankley: Hey, Hinderaker, watch this drive: It’s too bad Goldwater already used Conscience of a Conservative, because that would make a fantastic title for Tom DeLay’s biography.
but apparently it’s that Nigerian fellow who’s always e-mailing people to ask for financial assistance.
That’s so racist.
Nice roundup, Travis!
Actually, Megan Basham’s review of Slither wasn’t too bad. My favorite part, however, was how an ad for Ann Coulter’s new book, with Coulter’s visage, popped up right in the middle. It seemed appropriate, somehow…
How does John Stossel and his mighty mustache keep up with the news like that?
“Shorter Kathleen Parker: Does it make you feel uncomfortable when I write in Spanish?”
How about when I twirl my gold lamé pasties? How about when I grind like this?
teh lame’ pasties? golden!
I’m not French, but does your standing offer to Prof. Berube’ apply to me as well? I hope so! But I fear the answer is.. SADLY, NO!
sob
(I forget the ASCII code to make accents. This post does not, therefore, imply any reference to Marie Jon’.)
That Myths of Rich and Poor book they’re always trying to flog came out in 1999, by the way, so it should be marked “nostalgia”.
I don’t see what are the problem. What are the problem? There ain’t not any problems. That’s what.
“Sob” indeed. Oh, RETARDO, to “do” tricks for you would be like making love to a Breck ad — a mildly dank-skunk Breck ad photographed in Humboldt, but still…
Anyway, I use teh nuevo (see, I’m a defeatist appeaser in the face of Aztlan Spixican hordes) HTML: &.e.acute.; (remove them dot thangs).
I stand as anecdotal evidence proving that headline wrong: an American in economic decline!
Good lord, these people are TERRIFIED LITTLE MICE! If it ain’t the Hispinos and the Muslamics, spreading their Mexitude and sneaking their dirty dirty (oh… yeah) bombs into our neighborhoods, it’s the economy. Look at the blurb for that book: “What we don’t know about the economy could hurt us.”
Please, economy, don’t hurt us!
On the topic of lack of copy-editing, I went and looked at VBen’s post (no, I can’t explain why), and found this headline:
Israel’s electoral system creates governmental importence
‘Nuff said.
Nice catch, Dan.
These columns are basically blog posts, with all their attendant perils, yet an alarming number of them show up in my local paper week after week.
Did anybody notice the ad for Coulter’s new book? Anybody catch the release date?
Roger, that is hilarious and appropriate (a hard power combo to pull off). I also liked how one of the copy points was “Completely original.” Because with conservative screeds, you can’t assume originality.
Last year around this time, when Time magazine did their glowing profile of she-male Nazi plagiarist Annthrax Coulter,I predicted that the title of her next book would be Target Practice: It’s All Liberals Are Good For. I suppose I’ll find out on Devil’s Day (6/6/06) whether I was right or not.
Speaking of funny number coincidences, were any of you up this morning at 1:02:03?
I was indeed, and I put on a 5,6,7,8’s song — just to, you know, do such a thing.
hey – pointing out grammatical, spelling, punctuation, and of course, factual, errors is one of my hobbies, too! I especially like looking at newspaper science columns. Man, they can’t get astronomical and time distances right, like, evarrr! million, billion, whatever.
Ooh, and don’t get me started on bad english/metric conversions!
whoops. I meant geological time amounts.
First thing I noticed was the bizarre Coulter ad. How can a book be “entirely confidential”? It’s a book, right? She’s publishing it so people will read the thing.
Aw. Gavin hearts me.
All along, I just assumed the copy editing was done by callow, disinterested Heritage Foundation flunkies, but apparently it’s that Nigerian fellow who’s always e-mailing people to ask for financial assistance.
I’ve snorted liquids through my nose before in response to something funny, but this is the first time I’ve almost snorted a whole dinner salad!
Thanks – made my day!
“”Sob” indeed. Oh, RETARDO, to “do” tricks for you would be like making love to a Breck ad — a mildly dank-skunk Breck ad photographed in Humboldt, but still..”
”
guh. apparently I can’t code the carat-three thing to make a loveheart either. i’m teh suck.
Check out the copy edit job by CNN editors via TPM
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/008130.php
That Myths of Rich and Poor book they’re always trying to flog came out in 1999, by the way, so it should be marked “nostalgia”.
Posted by: ortho_bob | April 5, 2006 10:33 PM
This can’t be repeated enough.
Good lord, these people are TERRIFIED LITTLE MICE!
The Republican party’s appeal in a nutshell. If people weren’t irrationally afraid of things, they’d be out of business.
What?!? They ran the posts through spellcheck. What more do you want?
Well, except “importence.”
But jeez! Vile invective and grammar –you can’t have everything.
muah.
Oh, and completely OT, my work’s filter now has you guys blocked as PORN.
The good news the MSM won’t tell you about the economy!
You would excuse me, please? I am, er, would want to be, the Nigerian Gentleman, to whom you made elemental reference on the gracious day of your contact. I merely wish to beseech you, and all your fellow ministers and government agencies, perhaps you would be willing to transfer me a million dollars, so you are not to be a COBAG!!!
mikey
Welly golly, punkinsmom, maybe if commenters would stop using the “P” word, people’s workplaces would stop blocking it, hmmmm?
boioioioioioioinnnnnnng!
im teh smitten.
I’ll have you know that the Nigerians can no longer claim a monopoly on large sums of cash needing only a helpful American email correspondent to release them. I have a letter from a Mr. Wang Qin of the Hang Seng Bank in Hong Kong, who has to dispose of the $25.5 million deposited in his bank by General Ibrahim Moussa of the Iraqi Army before the General so sadly died during the war of acute being blown to smithereens by a bomb (along with his family — tragic, really). To prevent these funds from reverting to the Hong Kong government, who would probably just waste it on Tsui Hark films, Mr. Wang Qin wants my help in diverting the money. For my trouble, I would get 25% of the total.
And just today I received a very nice message from Mr. Hamza Usman, an Iranian businessman who has tragically developed esophageal cancer. In his last days, he has found religion and requires my assistance to help him distribute $25 million to charity. For my time, he would allow me to retain 18% of the cash, and he could go to his reward and greet Allah (God) with a clear conscience.
Ow. My Strauss translator is hurting.
It is alarming indeed how many of the leading lights of conservative thought are drinking the administration’s Kool-Aid out of sippycups.
but apparently it’s that Nigerian fellow who’s always e-mailing people to ask for financial assistance.
That’s so racist.
On the off chance that this ISN’T a troll post…
For the love of God, haven’t you ever gotten a Nigerian bank account spam? They’re ALWAYS labelled as being from Nigeria or similar African or Asian country that they think Americans won’t know anything about. It has nothing to do with the actual writing skills of people from Nigeria, but the bad grammar of a bunch of fraudulent spammers who likely aren’t Nigerian in any way, shape, or form. Capice?
I recently got one from the UK. It’s moving.
Blankley. A better title for Delay’s bio is crime and punishment.
I wrote anonymously to the major university daily for which my oldest son writes, pleading with them to change the arrow that said CLICK HERE TO RECIEVE. It was making me crazy.
I’v also received the letter from Mr.Hamza Usman.