But of course, Douthat doesn’t account for all the dead people Bush created, meaning all the zombies-in-waiting.

So I went and clicked on the article, and sure enough, about all Douthat didn’t give Bush credit for was the rampant zombie invasion he prevented.

Always. Trust. The. Shorter.

Wow … that’s just … wow.

ACORN! SOCIALISM! HEARTLAND!

ACORN! the SOCIALISM!

The fact is, the socialism and the ACORN are USA hate.

I don’t understand how these people avoid being beaten down in the street everywhere they go. “Hey, I seen your picture! You’re the douche who writes that crap for the Times! C’mere, I wanna redecorate your face!”

Even as low as newspaper readership has gotten, surely there’s gotta be enough people who’d recognize Douthat if he went out in public and would, at the very least, tell him to get the fuck out of the store and stop scaring off the clientele.

The fact is, the socialism and the ACORN are USA hate.

You mean like the dozens of Teabaggers carrying nooses in Washington DC a couple weeks ago?

USHATE! USHATE! USHATE!

I don’t understand how these people avoid being beaten down in the street everywhere they go. “Hey, I seen your picture! You’re the douche who writes that crap for the Times! C’mere, I wanna redecorate your face!”

He takes cabs.

Let’s not start of a perfectly miserable Monday with a troll-feeding, Mmmkay?

Oh pulleeez…Ruppert? Mr Hitandrun?

It’s possible, if you squint a little and take the proper perspective, to declare that a weasel is a lion. After all, both are carnivores, both are quadrupeds with tails. Both live outdoors instead of inside, say, an apartment building. History may show that while they’re the not the same creature, that they have aspects of the same creature, and while a weasel may not make a great lion, he might make a good one.

This is a joke, right? Why would anyone give this idiot even an inch of column space? Douchehat is definitely the right nickname for him.

I don’t understand how these people avoid being beaten down in the street everywhere they go. “Hey, I seen your picture! You’re the douche who writes that crap for the Times! C’mere, I wanna redecorate your face!”

Douthat isn’t worth the bloody knuckles and the assault charges. Though I wonder if conservatives will feel the same way now that he’s praised the massive social-fascist big-government boondoggle known as No Child Left Behind.

America has had its share of disastrous chief executives. But few have gone as far as Bush did in trying to repair their worst mistakes. Those mistakes were the Iraq war — both the decision to invade and the conduct of the occupation — and the irrational exuberance that stoked the housing bubble. The repairs were the surge, undertaken at a time when the political class was ready to abandon Iraq to the furies, and last fall’s unprecedented economic bailout.

Laura get the Krazy Glue! I’ve knocked over another Ming vase!

This is a joke, right? Why would anyone give this idiot even an inch of column space?

Those two sentences seem to come up awfully often when discussing wingnut columns.

I guess the media has so internalized the bullshit about being “liberal biased” that they have to give turdclowns like Douchehat free reign to blather anything they want in the name of “balance”.

Laura get the Krazy Glue! I’ve knocked over another Ming vase!

Wow. That works on so many levels.

FTW!

But few have gone as far as Bush did in trying to repair their worst mistakes. Those mistakes were the Iraq war — both the decision to invade and the conduct of the occupation

OMFG.

I mean – I mean –

oh, there are UNIVERSES of fail in those comments.

Did Douchehat fucking sleep through 2002 or something?

Those mistakes were the Iraq war — both the decision to invade and the conduct of the occupation

Ooh, he said “occupation” instead of “liberation”! I give it 36 hours before he’s retconned as a liberal and purged from the rolls of conservativism.

“Gosh, I realize now that taking out a second mortgage to come to Vegas and gamble was a big mistake! I’d better start doubling my bets!”

(Except, of course, Chimpy never admitted that anything he had ever done was a mistake–other than trading Sammy Sosa–and he certainly never proposed the “Splurge” as some kind of “repair”.)

Douhat could have made a better case.
.
He forgot to mention that Bush was the first president to ignore warnings of a massive terrorist attack on American soil killing thousands, and taking out a chunk of the Pentagon and reducing two iconic buildings to scrap. But we should remember that on his watch they also rebuilt the pentagon walls, and cleaned up the scrap metal from the destruction site.
.
Also people blame Bush for the non-response to the flooding of an American city, but people forget all the trailers that are now housing people who lost their homes. And some of them were homeless to begin with “so that worked out well for them” as his mother put it.
.
Really, people just don’t give Bush enough credit for the responses to the disasters on his watch. Like an 12-step alcoholic after a bender, he’s made amends, man.

Really, people just don’t give Bush enough credit for the responses to the disasters on his watch.

Yea, you’re right! Remember how he leapt into action after the blackout of 2003, when it was clear the energy grid of the entire United States was one lightning strike away from a nationwide blackout, how he insisted on distributed power stations and…

Right. Neither do I.

So he carpet-bombed the golf course, drowned the caddy-shack, bankrupted the country-club, and tortured trespassers, but can’t you see what a great mulligan he hit? Come on people, PERSPECTIVE!!!

Laura get the Krazy Glue! I’ve knocked over another Ming vase!

I’ve often wondered how Bush’s testicles ended up stuck to his forehead. Now I know.

Yeah, no mention of Katrina. Color me fucking shocked.

One a more somber note, what leaves me wanting to smash his face with a crowbar is the notion that the decision to invade Iraq was a “mistake”.

Actually, I’ll take that back. Instead of the crowbar treatment, I’ll settle for tattooing Chimp’s codpiece on Douthat’s forehead, just as a reminder of how deliberate the supreme war crime was.

“But that is a priceless Ming vase!”

“Not any more.”

Ross reminds us of the inspiring story that is George W. Bush.
Did you know we scored three touchdowns in our final game in 2008?
We’re sure the fans–our true fans–still adore us!

Assclowns of the Week #77 is up and waiting for comments. On the spit this week:

Fox and the Wa Po.
Joe Wilson and Democrats.
Orly Taitz.
Obama, Reid and Specter.
Max Baucus.
Teabaggers.
Gale Norton and much much more.

“But that is a priceless Ming vase!”
“Not any more.”
“I thought you said your priceless Ming vase was unbreakable!”
“Yes, but that is not my Ming vase.”

We’re sure the fans–our true fans–still adore us!

True fans also know that the reason you are 0-2 this season is because of your new Kenyan-born head coach. Millen, who was he?

Of course, correcting his mistakes is not the same as admitting that they were mistakes in the first place, because acknowledging you were wrong is for liberal wusses.

Just you wait until the “surge“!
16,000 additional blocking backs will bring touchdowns and democracy to your end zone, bitches!

There are no mistakes, just happy little invasions.

I suppose flailing around is a strategy for success.

So, we’re allowed to claim fault in Bush now?

Or is this more a hypothetical fault which existed at some point in the past, for which we would’ve been harangued for pointing out at that time, and also harangued for pointing out now, in the present, because Bush made a cursory attempt to “fix” the “mistake”?

I’m just curious as to how damned if you do this mistake-claiming is.

Yeah, no mention of Katrina. Color me fucking shocked.

Oh, kingubu. Everyone knows that was all Nagin and Blanco’s fault.

This is the new “do as we say, not as we did” bullshit from commenters I’m seeing at my local “news” web site. It’s all “Oh, so just because you think BUSH did blah blah blah does that make it ok for your MESSIAH to do the same, blah blah blah.” Yes most of them are neotards and I’m banned on a regular basis.

Everyone knows that was all Nagin and Blanco’s fault.

And “blanco” means “white,” so any mention of Bush is reverse racism!

Quod erat moronstrandum.

No Sensible person could have predicted that the war would be a farce. I mean that marine weapons inspector is just a liberal kook. And that Wilson guy with the uranium, what a maroon. And that general guy who said we needed more troops for the occupation and got canned. Whew. Those wacky guys. When will the left learn to be serious?

It’s like applauding a drunk teenager who wraps his z28 around a tree, and then pulls off the fenders, duct-tapes the shit out of the front end and coaxes the fucker back onto the road at 8 miles per hour spewing oil, fluids, and scraping rubber against metal. What a fucking hero!

The fact is, the socialism and the ACORN are USA hate.

We’re going to kick the US in the Florida so hard the Live Oaks will retract their acorns. RAWR!

Plus Nagin is a ni– … a ni– … he’s blackity-black, so double-reverse racism, you dumb libs.

It’s like applauding a drunk teenager who wraps his z28 around a tree, and then pulls off the fenders, duct-tapes the shit out of the front end and coaxes the fucker back onto the road at 8 miles per hour spewing oil, fluids, and scraping rubber against metal. What a fucking hero!

Now, be fair! Laura apologized to the parents of that young man!

coaxes the fucker back onto the road at 8 miles per hour spewing oil, fluids, and scraping rubber against metal.

Not-so-veiled robot sex reverence.

not-so-veiled robot sex reverence.

“reverence”? Freudian-slip, much?

Shorter shorter: No matter how inexpressibly horrible you are, if you do what other people tell you to fix it, you’re a good–“if not great”–president.

Two months in and the Douchehat shark has been well and truly jumped.

But few have gone as far as Bush did in trying to repair their worst mistakes. Those mistakes were the Iraq war — both the decision to invade and the conduct of the occupation — and the irrational exuberance that stoked the housing bubble. The repairs were the surge, undertaken at a time when the political class was ready to abandon Iraq to the furies, and last fall’s unprecedented economic bailout.

The Ming vase comment is sublime. I still can’t get over Douthat’s unquestioning faith here. Bush’s “repairs” were effectively large transfers of wealth from the public coffers to private hands.

I love how cons can insist that GWB was NOT stupid, as mean ol’ elitist libs and grammarians the world over insisted, but then pet him on the head like a retarded puppy because he lucked out and didn’t cause the apocalypse after all.

Freudian-slip, much?

I’m more of a Freudian bustier fan.

To quote classical Homer: dumb typing fingers.

Say, doesn’t the Census Bureau now report directly to the President?
BTW, I don’t get how the Iraq war was a mistake. There used to be a tyrannical, Anti-American, undemocratic government there. Now there is a friendly democracy there. Big improvement, big change, I thought you folks liked change.

Also, not to be lookist (looks-ist?), but Douthat’s pudgy moonface next to his “columns” always frightens me. But, I mean, he looks like a guy who would pen this kind of shit, and he DEFINITELY looks like a guy whose nickename would be “Douchehat,” even if it didn’t vaguely rhyme with his last name.

Plus Nagin is a ni– … a ni– … he’s blackity-black…

The word you’re struggling for is “thug.”

Many times at my old place, we tried a “summarize the Bush Administration with a single Simpsons quote” contest. I can’t remember if the following quote ever won, but it should have at least gotten serious consideration:

“Homer: Well of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.”

I love how cons can insist that GWB was NOT stupid, as mean ol’ elitist libs and grammarians the world over insisted, but then pet him on the head like a retarded puppy because he lucked out and didn’t cause the apocalypse after all.

It’s the soft bigotry of low expectations.

There used to be a tyrannical, Anti-American, undemocratic government there. Now there is a friendly democracy there. Big improvement, big change, I thought you folks liked change.

Wish you’d had enough courage of your convictions to enlist back in ’02. Why did you hate America?

Mr. Douthat’s face, at least in that picture, bears a striking resemblance with K-Lo. wtf?

More concisely (and appropriately), W was the sort of guy who shows up late on the afternoon of the day after the party, after you’ve convinced the local police not to press charges, had the glazier repair the windows (at an elevated weekend-job charge), and you’re just about to return the steam-cleaner after getting the vomit out of the carpet and upholstery, and after establishing that there’s no more actual work to be done, offers to buy you a drink to make up for it.

Now there is a friendly democracy there.

If you want to install puppet governments beholden to national interests not of their own, go back to the U.S.S.R. where you belong.

Many times at my old place, we tried a “summarize the Bush Administration with a single Simpsons quote” contest. I can’t remember if the following quote ever won, but it should have at least gotten serious consideration:

I would have voted for “Hello, operator? Give me the number ofr 9-1-1!” myself.

It’s the soft bigotry of low expectations.

Yeah, like how Sarah Palin “killed it” during the debates? It was twice as condescending and disgusting then because she’s a woman.

BTW, I don’t get how the Iraq war was a mistake. There used to be a tyrannical, Anti-American, undemocratic government there. Now there is a friendly democracy there.

Imagine, if you will, last November Vladimir Putin sent in Russian troops to take out George Bush and replace him with Barack Obama.

Now you have a sense of why Iraq was a mistake.

Get it? Got it? Good.

BTW, I don’t get how the Iraq war was a mistake.

We blew billions of dollars and killed thousands of people fighting a war in which there was not vital US national interest at stake, which ultlimately made the region less stable, distracted us from the efforts to find those who actually were involved in the attacks on 9/11, and produced a regime that was far friendlier to Iran than the previous one.

Big improvement, big change, I thought you folks liked change.

Heh. Do you guys ever actually reason about anything, at all?

Yeah, like how Sarah Palin “killed it” during the debates? It was twice as condescending and disgusting then because she’s a woman.

I assumed that “killed it” referred to viewers’ brain cells and she simply forgot to pluralize.

Yeah, like how Sarah Palin “killed it” during the debates?

In fairness, she did clobber Biden in the swimsuit competition.

Everyone knows Biden was robbed in the talent competition. And Palin’s suit was clearly stuffed.

Actor: I just found it in the wayback machine.

1st place: Homer: I know you’re mad at me right now, and I’m kinda mad too… I mean, we could sit here and try to figure out “who forgot to pick up who” until the cows come home. But let’s just say we’re both wrong and that’ll be that.

2nd place (strangely awarded to a section of Futurama dialogue): Brannigan: Prepare to change course.
Kif: But sir, this is a leisure cruise, the course was set by the travel agency (points to the safe route mapped on the wall).
Brannigan: That’s for schoolgirls (draws a wild path). Now this is a path with some chest hair!
Kif: Sir, that path leads directly through a swarm of comets.
Brannigan: Yes, comets! The icebergs of the sky. By jacknifing from one to the other at breakneck speed, I’m sure we can get some sort of speed boost or something.
Kif: (later, as comets are flying by the bridge) Do you remember that “course correction” you made, sir?
Brannigan: No.

3rd place: Marge: Homer, when you brought this monkey home you said it would help out around the house. Now it just lies there, struggling to breathe.

Other entries here.

Norb,

How third place didn’t win is beyond me.

So is this that liberal New York Times I keep hearing about?

Douthat referenced Latimer’s book. One of Latimer’s observations that has been under-explored/ridiculed is that Bush thought his trouncing of Gary Bauer in the 2004 Republican primaries showed that Bush had transformed the Republican Party.

You know, I once killed a mosquito WHILE IT WAS SUCKING BLOOD FROM MY ARM. That makes me master over the entire insect world!!!

I assumed that “killed it” referred to viewers’ brain cells and she simply forgot to pluralize.

Well, in her defense, if we’re talking about wingnuts, there was only a cell or two to kill in the first place.

Bush’s “repairs” were effectively large transfers of wealth from the public coffers to private hands.

More like applying tourniquets to 3 severed limbs.

I assumed that “killed it” referred to viewers’ brain cells and she simply forgot to pluralize.

Well, in her defense, if we’re talking about wingnuts, there was only a cell or two to kill in the first place.

And it would probably be judged a mercy killing.

Now there is a friendly democracy there.

If you want to install puppet governments beholden to national interests not of their own, go back to the U.S.S.R. where you belong.

Should someone remind that installing a government was how Iraq ended up with the tyranny in the first place?

or is that USA HAte?

The Bush Administration began September 12, 2001, and ended November 30, 2007. Everyone knows that.

Sorry to jump in here late on this, but

Gary Ruppert said,
September 21, 2009 at 15:04

The fact is, the socialism and the ACORN are USA hate.

Fake Ruppert is mailing it in now. I guess the RW has ramped up the crazy to such a degree that parody trolling just mustn’t have the same luster and excitement as in days of yore.

Now there is a friendly democracy there.

Yes, Iraq is now so far down on the failed states index that you have to scroll all the way to number SIX to find it.

And, as I recall, that “friendly” democracy told us to GTFO* last year, did it not? With a giant fucking smile.

It’s just been chock-full of win for the U.S. Also, according to the Status Of Forces Agreement, the occupation has been SOFA-KING great, that pretty much the Iraqi people want us gone yesterday!

*Get The Fuck Out

No, I’ve never read the can, kid, but we’re serving it anyway.

The quotomatic just over Doubtthat’s picture sez:

“Is it me or is that the ugliest baby you’ve ever seen?”

Sin-chronicity indeed.

Tbogg’s shorter was very similar:

George W. Bush’s last minute extra credit work pulled his GPA up to a solid D-. Pass!

norbizness said,

September 21, 2009 at 17:15

Many times at my old place, we tried a “summarize the Bush Administration with a single Simpsons quote” contest. I can’t remember if the following quote ever won, but it should have at least gotten serious consideration:

“Homer: Well of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.”

“Seems like the classy thing to do would be not to mention it.” Also.

What an alternate universe the wingnuts have created for themselves! It’s a fairy tale land with nothing but happy endings for their crazy belief system.

If you watch FOX News for more than five minutes, you can clearly see the insanity, hate, and irrational and myopic worldview that comprise the guiding ethos of modern-day wingnuttia. Normally this would make you laugh out loud–until you pause and reflect that millions of people BELIEVE the loopy horseshit FOX is peddling.

Seriously…Conservatism as we know it today is not a political ideology. It’s a warped mental condition, best examplified by the creepy self-actualized insanity of the conservative ideologue, coupled with their complete inability to view reality as it really is even for a nanosecond.

This NYT editorial by Douthat proves that even their supposed “best and brightest minds” are completely fucking wacko beyond any rational measure.

I’ve also been compiling a list of things Bush succeeded at.

1. First U.S. President appointed by Supreme Court, with a decision that was explicitly designated as a one-time affair by the prevailing Justices(i) because Lord knows they did not want the shitstain embarrassment of such an inexcusable precedent being rendered in their names throughout history.

2. Lowest number of Jobs Created per Year of presidency since 1939: 375,000. Source, the “liberal” Wall Street Journal. Rivaled only by his own father and Gerald Ford for the lowest percentage of new jobs created. Plus, the gap between the beginning of Bush’s term and the creation of Net Job #1 is surely impressive — I believe his entire first term passed before a single job was created under Bush.

3. 22 Months of Recession out of 96 months of Presidentin.’

4. The Most Czars up until that time appointed. Also the most appointees ever for a President.

5. The largest deficit, in dollar amounts, in U.S. history. Also, the largest public debt in U.S. history in dollar amounts.

6. The most expensive war in U.S. history.

7. Also, the second longest war in U.S. history (though it’s not over YET!) Being the creater of a mere runner-up to Vietnam must surely give Bush teh butthurt.

8. The largest number of uninsured.

9. Almost 40 Million Americans in poverty.

10. Record bankruptcies under Bush.

11. Record layoffs under Bush.

12. More days on vacation than any other President (rivaling only Ronald Reagan).

13. Highest gas prices in history.

14. Biggest spending President in U.S. History.

I could go on and on, but do I have to?

(i). By “Justices” I do of course mean “clowns wearing black robes in an expensive, historical Government building.” I do not mean people who should be trusted to decide anything of importance.

12. More days on vacation than any other President (rivaling only Ronald Reagan).

Now this is just a cheap shot! After all, look at the other eleven things he was able to accomplish! Presidenting is hard werk!

If you watch FOX News for more than five minutes…

Unpossible. I’ve broken too many telebishuns trying to do that.

PeeJ, try doing what I did during debate season. Always have a big basket of rolled-up socks close by. You’re much less likely to break the TeeBee if you throw socks, and sometimes the cats find it amusing to carry them around like kittens…

PeeJ, try doing what I did during debate season. Always have a big basket of rolled-up socks close by. You’re much less likely to break the TeeBee if you throw socks, and sometimes the cats find it amusing to carry them around like kittens…

I tried that. Unfortunately I got no satisfaction from throwing the socks so I kept throwing harder and harder with no better results. Not only was it frustrating, but the Tommy John surgery was expensive!

This should go into the downstairs thread but what the fuck I’ll put it here; what is it with all the reflections on Kristol and Bush and so on? I thought their kind don’t show up in mirrors.

Also, how old was Rosie Douchehat when he became a catlik? I just wonder about his neuroses vis a vis priestly buttseks.

marion in savannah, that is an awesome suggestion.

The WaPoo is almost as bad as FAUX.

Your ‘liberal’ media at work.
~

marion in savannah, that is an awesome suggestion.

I’m devoted to the suction-cup dart gun. You get a real sense of accomplishment when you hit someone right on the end of the nose.

I liked TBogg’s shorter shorter:

“George W. Bush’s last minute extra credit work pulled his GPA up to a solid D-. Pass!”

By contrast, Bush’s best initiatives often lacked a constituency outside the White House: His AIDS-in-Africa program; his insistence, vindicated by subsequent scientific breakthroughs, on seeking alternatives to embryo-destroying research; his failed second-term proposals for Social Security and tax reform.

Indeed, who doesn’t grieve that Bush wasn’t able to fix it so people could take their retirement funds out of Social Security and buy stocks with them in 2006 and 2007? I know I’d be pleased to have my in-laws moved in with us.

And we all know that scientists were FORCED to research the possibilities of non-embryonic stem-cells solely because of Bush’s confused ban on federal funding for embryonic stem-cells. There was no advantage to exploring non-embryonic cells for treatment, such as the fact that there could be total compatibility between the patient and the treatment cells.

Kind of ironic that Bush’s one lonely accomplishment was to help reduce the suffering from AIDs on the birth continent of the Nubian who has usurped the presidency.

“reverence”? Freudian-slip, much?

Is there anything wrong with revering hot robot on robot action?

a time when the political class was ready to abandon Iraq to the furies
Man can’t even spell “furries”.

Give Bush credit for one thing: At least he’s stayed out of sight since January. Either he’s finally developed a sense of shame, or he’s putting more effort into his memoirs than he did into any aspect of his presidency.

The guy let a major US city drown for five days before he cut his vacation short.

Wait, so Pangloss is saying we DON’T live in the best possible world?!! TEH PARADIGM SHIFT.

The guy let a major US city drown for five days before he cut his vacation short.

It is so hard to find the lowest point in the Bush Presidency. It’s like trying to find the bottom of the Mariana Trench with a tape measure you bought at Home Depot.

Bush’s best initiatives often lacked a constituency outside the White House: … seeking alternatives to embryo-destroying research
Because crazy “snowflake babies” fundies and catholics are not “a constituency”, they are REAL AMERICANS.

I’m devoted to the suction-cup dart gun. You get a real sense of accomplishment when you hit someone right on the end of the nose.

Back in the late eighties when the Japanese market was melting down there was a fantastic memoir by a fancy British rent-girl that was kept in a Tokyo penthouse by a local wheeler dealer. He was long and wrong and doing way too much blow and ended up making pillow forts and shooting suction cup darts at the TV.

Just so you know, RB McG.

WHO SHIFTED MY PARADIGM?!

“Fancy British Rent Girls” is totally my new band’s name. Just sayin’.

Also, “he was long and wrong” is, well, just naughty.

To quote classical Virgil: “Arma virumque cano”

Give Bush credit for one thing: At least he’s stayed out of sight since January. Either he’s finally developed a sense of shame, or he’s putting more effort into his memoirs than he did into any aspect of his presidency.

Or, more likely, he as usual doesn’t give a shit.

Iraq boondoggle? $1T Plus.

Deregulation boondoggle? $1T more or less.

Only two wheels hanging over the abyss when your shift is done? Priceless.

Slippy, you list those like they’re bad things.

Embarrassed scientists: We’re sorry about the big hole in the ground where Switzerland used to be but it’s a Hadron collider, what are you going to do when it’s wired wrong?
Anyway we are going to fill the hole with water and make a Euro swimming pool for everyone to enjoy. No belly flops allowed.
Shell shocked citizens Yay, you’re the best scientists ever!!.

Give Bush credit for one thing: At least he’s stayed out of sight since January.

Ahem, I thought I saw that loser last night on HDTV, standing on the fifty-yard line of the Cowboys’ stadium, watching their coin toss against the Giants. The Cowboys’ owner has apparently tired of being the most hated public figure in Tejas, methinks.

P.S. The Giants won the game. No one could have predicted…

Also, “he was long and wrong” is, well, just naughty.

Unveiled penis reference.

It occurs to me that the commenters at Sadly, No! would make a really great comedy ensemble. You guys are much funnier than many of the improv “comedy” groups I have seen.

Could I be your agent? We could take this gig on the road. I’ll only take, um… 20% off the top.

Could I be your agent? We could take this gig on the road. I’ll only take, um… 20% off the top.

You can be my agent’s agent. I get him so much work, he needs representation.

You guys are much funnier than many of the improv “comedy” groups I have seen.

We’re also much smarter than many of the sammiches you’ve eaten, which is approximately the same level of accomplishment.