Well you see it’s true, he’s right, my sex life is a tangle of fetishistic perversion. But wow is it fun.

I think you’re some kind of deviated prevert. I think Fred Hutchison found out about your preversion, and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts. Now MOVE!

Not me. My perversions are exactly the same.

Besides, if all our perversions were different, how would we ever get it on?

So gays are kind of like snowflakes?

How does this creepy voyeur know exactly what perversions gays indulge in?

I swear, I can only think of about 4 different sexual practices, all common to both gays and straights, and I’m a filthy pig.

“Gay males are men without chests. They have an aching void where their manly chest is supposed to be. They seek to fill this void by attempting to suck the maleness out of another man through sexual appetites of the belly.” OK…

My favourite line in the entire article:

“Men with chests love truth and virtue, and hate evil.”

I guess this means Phil Mickelson’s in the clear.

I loved “Men Without Chests” back in the 80’s. They had that great song “The Safety Dance.” I think they were Australian or something.

Fred’s wingnut manifesto is impressive, I gotta admit. It’s a comprehensive overview of all wingnut Christianist theory. It’s full of great pull quotes. The folks at S, N! could mine weeks worth of material out of this thing. Here are a few of my favorites:

God–as a good parent who realizes that there are some things his children are better off not knowing–withholds from us the knowledge of some aspects of evil. He teaches us about evil on a need-to-know basis.

Sounds like Scientology. If you find out the truth about Xenu before you’ve reached OTIII, your brain wouldn’t be able to handle it and you would like, disintegrate into a pile of tapioca or something.

And shouldn’t God, being all-powerful and kickass, be able to defeat eeeeevil? Christian theologians have never really made a good case explaining the existence of evil in the face of God’s omnipotence. God needs help defending the world from the eeevil gays and lesbians? He doesn’t sound very omnipotent to me.

Writers, speakers, public servants, and pastors must be bold and dare to say no to evil.

I’m all for that. Just say no to evil! The wingnut is taking a bold stand. He is against evil. I imagine he is pro-Good as well. He must be against torture then, right? I mean, torture is evil any way you slice it. It’s at least as evil as man-on-man buttsex, right?

The good citizen who mounts the public podium and says no to evil might suffer the wounds of vengeful malice, the anguish of rejection, the sorrows of defamation, and the injustice of persecution. Before enlisting in the forces that are fighting evil, one must count the cost.

He must be talking about Howard Dean.

The immediate consequences of saying no to the gay agenda are sometimes spectacular.

And you’re telling me this guy isn’t gay? “Spectacular” is an officially gay word, as in “That sweater is spectaaaacular.” You’re gay, dude.

All right, I have to stop now. I could do this all day.

Look, there are only so many holes and protuberances that the human body has to offer. If we accept, for the sake of argument, that 10% of the population has chosen to get gayed-up, this makes for millions of perversions. Does fucking a mailbox or a morel mushroom make you gay?

Men with chests? That’s not a wingnut article, that’s an ad for the Manssiere.

Man, I’m glad wingnuts are around to tell us these things. Otherwise, you’d have to methodically test and re-test a significant population sample to come to such a conclusion, and who has that kind of time or energy?

Dit…dittdditt…dittddit….THIS JUST IN
*completely off topic but pure comedy gold*:

“He said it. Jack Straw really did say it.

There he was standing before some 200 dignitaries in Blackburn, the cameras were rolling and Condoleezza “Condi” Rice was listening attentively.

As he introduced his guest, the Foreign Secretary held up a copy of a local newspaper and read out the headline: “Condom….er, Condi Comes to the Centre of the World”.

I admit I missed this unfortunate slip of the tongue. A more alert colleague pointed it out to me, but I refused to believe it.

I asked another journalist and she said she had indeed heard it, but I still had my doubts. Maybe Straw was just mumbling, as he does on the Today programme, I thought.

So last night I found my tape recorder and played through the speech. Suddenly, at one minute 32 seconds into the recording, there it was in its full, delicious glory: US Secretary of State Condom Rice.

Jack must be praying that Condi didn’t hear it. He may deny it, but I have the evidence on tape.”

Go to http://www.buzzflash.com for the linky

No two gays are alike in their perversions.

I’m not sure about gays, but from what I’ve seen, it’s definitely true about wingnuts. From farm animals to falafel, every single one is just a crazy unique bastard.

Yeah, no two wingnuts are alike.

This one doesn’t seem to have gotten the message from the other wingnut a few months ago,the one who claimed that homosexuality was the ultimate “heroin” in addictive sex.

Like, how many kinds of “heroin” are thereout there?

tig – it’s called a Bro.

What about men with breasts? Like J. Pod?

Ah, good old Fred Hutchison. A well qualified RenewAmerica analyst.

hehe. ANALyst.

More (off topic) fun with Condi.

Wow, it’s like he knows me, or something! Oh, and Seb, what for you asterisk your last sentence? There’s no footnote, or anything!

Fred should learn to rest his orifice, um, blowhole every once in awhile. So confident that he knows the way. The soul of brevity too. God must really like him alot. 😉

I thought you guys were making up that shit about men with no chests sucking the manliness out of other men’s bellies. I seriously did.

I know that I have in the past used the expression “the mind boggles”, but this is the first time I’ve ever actually felt my brain *really* boggle. It’s not pleasant.

The only thing I can gather from that bit is that Fred is admitting to his inability to sexually satisfy a woman. All that talk about how “sucking on bellies” is unmanly is code language for how he can’t figure out the fine art of cunnilingus, and he thinks he’d be less of a man if he did.

Lord, send us more men with chests full of manly virtues

Only if Fred promises not to stare at their pecs and think of homo nups.

Wait… is this Kay Bailey’s son? Shouldn’t he be in Iraq?

I absolutely hate it when people mention perversions and then don’t give examples…and pictures. I want pictures!

Look, you slack motherfuckers at Sadly, No! Put down the bong and write more posts. Your devoted readership demands it!!

Oh Jeff. We’re a simple folk. We entertain ourselves. With comments.

Ta-da!

So, does ol’ Fred also believe that mental illness is caused by demons? ‘Cause his whole ‘sucking the manliness out of men’ thing sounds an awful lot like it’s based on succu- and incu-bi.

What a nutcase.

I personally like women, and I’m a guy, so that’s pretty perverted from a gay standpoint, right?

Now that you mention it, george bush says spectacular a lot. And rubs men’s heads.
And runs away when he thinks he’s in danger.
Nope, not gay at all.

He was careful to teach his students the Classical, Medieval, and Renaissance ideas of love

I don’t believe this person when he says he’s well-read, if he thinks any of these ideas fits the Wingnut idea of love.

Also, notice how his seven stages of evil applies pretty well to himself, too.

runs away when he thinks he’s in danger.

That’s a sign of being gay?
Back that up, or eat my knuckles, wingnut.

Here’s a fresh perversion to contemplate: 210 pounds of grumpy gay Democrat says, Eat my shorts.

Pounding my tufted chest and trumpeting, as I head back into the kitchen for another cup of coffee,

CW

First off, a bit of hypocrisy on the part of Herr Huchison:

Homosexuals are difficult to categorize and analyze

They’re difficult to categorize and analyze? Yet here you are, “categorizing and analyzing” them (though “caricaturing and demonizing” would be more accurate).

Secondly, regarding his “7 Steps to become T3h 3vil!”, all seven steps apply to wingnuts to varying degrees:

1) The first floor down into the darkness involves denial that one is a sinner.

The Christo-fascist zombie brigade (© 2004-2006 Marc Maron) is guilty of this one 24/7. They believe that simply because they and they alone “follow Christ,” they are without sin.

2) From the stage-one denials, the journey into darkness proceeds downwards to a second denial–the denial that evil exists.

The right denies that evil exists on the right – that’s the exclusive property of lefties.

3) Then comes the descent into the delusion that those who fight evil are themselves evil.

This goes hand-in-hand with the above: because they delude themselves into believing that only lefties are t3h 3vil!!!1!, “libruls” are evil for opposing evil on the right.

4) Next comes the hatred of those who fight evil.

See LGF, FreeRepublic, RedState.org, etc.

5) The fifth floor down into darkness is to believe–or to be willing to tell the lie–that evil things are good, and good things are evil.

Things the right calls good: Torture, killing abortion providers, killing homosexuals, killing liberals, killing Muslims, pollution, etc.

Things the right calls evil: Being homosexual, women being anywhere other than barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, being a liberal, being a non-Christian, etc.

6) The sixth stage is to hate the victims of evil or to hate those whom the good guys are protecting.

See Pope Benedict Arnold I on the child abuse scandal. See also the vilification of the ACLU for their defense of homosexuals.

7) The seventh stage of evil is serial killing, terrorism, and genocide.

Three words: The Bush Doctrine.

Did anyone see the pic of Shrub planting a big, wet one right on the lips of Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper down in Cancun? What is it with him making all the kissy-face with other men? There’s the celebrity amateur porn video that I really don’t want to see: Dumbya and Joe Lieberman-The Oval Office Make-Out Sessions. Yecch!