Amore Ain’t Nothin But An Eel
Makin’ meatballs, bork-bork. Steamin’ carrots, what’s-up-doc. Steamin’ updock, something-something.
MEDIA ADVISORY, Sept. 18 /Christian Newswire/
Musician Rippin’ Richie isn’t offended by accusations of racism from Jimmy Carter and others on the left.
Whoah, Jimmy Carter and others on the left are going after, that is to say, ‘ripping’ musician Rippin’ Richie. We’d better go see.
“These accusations are too ridiculous to be taken seriously, so It’s hard for me to be offended.”
Oh, well never mind then. That statement is too dull to be interesting, so it’s hard for me to be interested. Next up on our countdown is a video by Republican rapper Hi-Caliber. It’s too sucky to not suck, so it’s hard to imagine it not sucking.
Jimmy Carter and New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd are among those that have implied
that resistance to Obama’s radical socialist agenda is due to his skin color.
Wait, it’s Richie again. His skin color? Why, that’s ridiculous, because what if Americans get a tan? It doesn’t turn them into radical socialists any more than it turns them into black people! Jimmy Carter sure is dumb for a moral monster and enemy of all humanity. I thought you had to be smart to be one of those, but I guess not.
Plus okay, what explains the resistance to his rabid, axe-murdering communist Nazi agenda of universal child prostitution that underlies Hussein Obama’s open endorsement of radical Islamofascist extermination-of-all-life as practiced in his native country of Africa and/or Indonesia? Ha ha! Is it his hair color? Ha ha! Oh wow, who are the real racists here? Let me guess, it’s the so-called ‘racists’ again, not the liberal black agenda with its forced approval of anti-Biblical marriages and ‘slow war’ of urban muggings.
Rippin’ Richie says the people in the all black choir (except for Richie) he used to play in would get a good laugh at the idea that he could be a racist.
May God, said earnestly, deliver us from the brain-rattling persistence of the crummy ‘I possess the endorsement of some black people’ argument, inadequate in the case of actual civil-rights volunteers gone rancid, such as David Horowitz and Joe Lieberman, and infuriating when the people cited are mere activity partners and acquaintances, people who don’t know you except as the face you bring to the PTA, the softball league, the interfaith bass player gig with the gospel chorus.
“The idea that I could be racist,” goes such an infuriating apology, “would provide a good laugh to the people in the all-black basketball team I play pickup games in.” Uh, no, either they don’t care about your inner life, or that idea would bother them, pretty much. The idea that someone could be racist seems funny only to conservatives, who are as avid to confront and re-confront race as the rest of America is weary of doing so, and whose current obsession — besides the ever-updated calculations of the race scold as to how far is currently too far — is in redefining ‘racism’ by wordplay and debating tricks to include the guilt that black people try to lay on white people (hyper-wearying when done cynically), but to exclude any possible lasting effects of a segregation, of an enforced peonage of full, native-born US citizens by fact of race, that was settled and enforced law within the memory of tens of millions of living Americans, and that was broken, and that was then enforced, by imposed Federal power against the will of the majority. Where, then, have all these racists gone?
Viz: Interracial marriage became legal in all 50 states with the passage of a ballot measure in Alabama in November, 2000. The law had become unenforceable with Loving v Virginia in 1967, yet 40.5% still voted against repealing it.
Richie’s home state of South Carolina at least had its own anti-miscegenation law struck down during the 20th Century, rather than carrying into the 21st, but not by a praiseworthy margin: Interracial marriage was against the law there until 1998. In the end, 38.1% voted to keep it that way, with the shame, or excuse me, the howling ignominy and stink unto God of each percentage made thicker by the fact that it includes all non-white voters.
So as you can see, there’s no racism in the US anymore, except for when you feel bad because a black guy on TV called you “Honky the Snowman,” give or take about 40% of the entire population of some states. Anyway, the last quote went:
Rippin’ Richie says the people in the all black choir (except for Richie) he used to play in would get a good laugh at the idea that he could be a racist.
And the picture to go with it would be something like the Blind Boys of Alabama, with a caption like, “Oh, you mean ol’ Hate-Mouth Richie with the N-this and the N-that. No, he got along just fine with white folks.” See, because they don’t realize that he… But no, let’s not be incited into that. Although, that caption is too long and would work better if…but no.
Instead, that’s Richie there on bass, and there you go: Is that the kind of band that would harbor a racist? Their story says no! Before specializing in the Hits of the ’80s, RetroVertigo, Upstate South Carolina’s Premiere [some press kits say ‘penultimate’] Bringers of the Electric Slide, toured for several years from the Spartanburg Metro Area as far southwest as the Greenville Loop (i.e. the Mauldin-Simpsonville Corridor) as Rufus T-Bone and the All-Tar Blaxxxplosion, Featuring the As-Pitch Singers and the Nohon Keys. After an attempt to go tropical as MC Thuggamuffin and the Chocolate Spleeves, Yar, met with mixed success (the Rankin’ Richie persona would carry over into The Itals, a reggae/Four Seasons fusion act, as Rankin’ Nicky Mulignan), the band’s classic ’80s orientation began to take shape with Blacks Without Sacks, an early attempt at an Ivan/Stefan Doroschuk tribute ensemble, with vocalist Toofless T-Tone “Toni! Toné!” Tomlinson taking the lead character of Ivan Workanonna Rare-road, while Rippin’ Richie, then called Fartin’ Fitchburg Fitchie, played the other principle [some fliers say ‘capitol’] role [some fliers say ‘rocken role’] of Stefan Fetchit. A cover of the Sparkletones’ ‘Black Slacks’ was rewritten to address the taxation of the productive in order to finance a racially distinct underclass. ‘Blacks’ Tax’ featured a saxophone played laxly.
Next came Men Without Work, an Ivan Doroschuk/Colin Hay tribute ensemble that also performed in blackface, the conceit again being welfare reform, and a standout performance being “Crack is Wack (I Want My Baby Back),” with Richie wearing the lead vocalist’s bonnet as ‘Angie Mima’ and the Department of Family Services worker played by guitarist Pat Hindman with a snatched plastic infant dangling from the rear strap button of his vintage-fail Steinberger with the no headstock and the body made of graphite or some toneless and resonance-killing substance like that, plus also just look at it. And okay, no harm, no foul, but what are those, EMGs? I mean jeez, saddle up the freaking Gallien-Krueger, why don’t you?
The band next chased the Squirrel Nut Zippers crowd as the Cake Walken Pullman Waiters, but the repertoire proved a difficult sell (“Ching-a-Ring Chaw” and “Jump Jim Crow” fared better than most numbers, with the standard shuck-a-shuck washboard and tap shoes replaced by percussionist Marlon Slater’s trademark Three-Fifths-of-a-Human Beatbox). So they made adjustments and tried again as the Jitter Buggen Straw Boaters, and by then the Afro-Caucasian color line had been in a sense double-crossed, so when Rock Hill, SC’s heavy hitters, SIKK! The Major Rock Band Tribute, were sued literally pantsless by a flock of, as it were, Siegels from Gene Simmons’s favored legal trebuchet of Jonathan, Livingston, Siegel, and Lipshit, they decided boldly to move in with KITH! The Major San Francisco Rock Band, bombing then reconnoitering as BLISS! The Major Black Rock Band, briefly appearing as BLITH! in combined naïve ‘homosexual’ drag and blackface before being sued down to the assbone by Gene Simmons in legal concert with the black Gene Simmons or vice versa, Bootsy Collins, and his favored legal petard, Escutcheon and Heister. Flavor Flav and the white Flavor Flav joined Bootsy for kicks, announcing via a notarized skit:
“I say, Captain, you’re like a substitute teacher getting beat up for wearin’ a Klan robe to work,”
“Say ‘wot,’ Flavor Flav?” [pause for laughter; nobody gets it] — why do you say the hi Captain add improvised British cursing here not too vulgar ok thanks Murray…uh, the cuntsnorkle is that I am like a substiteach, uh, tutor getting beaten up for wearing a Klan robe to work?”
“You’re like a substitute teacher getting beat up for wearin’ a Klan robe to work because…”
“You gettin’ hit in a class action suit,” they said in unison, after an edit suggesting multiple takes, next going to a freeze-frame over a dub of the Fat Albert wow-wow discomfort bad-joke theme — then to too many credits and a production company animation.
“I’m also a semi-pro break dancer, so that wouldn’t look very good on my KKK application, either,” Richie joked.
“Well, Mr. Richie, I see that in the ‘skills’ section you’ve crossed out the final ‘s’ in ‘skills’ and substituted a ‘z,’ and that you’ve written underneath that you’re a semi-pro break dance…sa-ay wait one, as they say, cotton pickin’ minute here! What do you think this is, the Blu Blux Blan!? What am I, the Bland Bleagle of this particular Blavern?! ”
Instead, the Klan expects its applicants to be avid supporters of the living culture of America’s native-born, agrarian whites. For instance, pole dancing.
Wait, let’s tabulate. He’s not racist because:
- Group of unspecified black people would laugh.
- Can break dance.
- Favorite NFL receiver is black.
- Thinks Chris Tucker is a comedy genius.
- Always says African-Americans do the best barbecue.
- Won’t let anyone cut his hair but Charles, the old colored barber down at the hotel.
- Has hired white menial employee and black menial employee, and didn’t treat them any different, nosiree.
- Was stopped by African-American cop, and did not blurt out, “Your authority is false, O! impertinent one dressed as a policeman, for I am a white man and you are of the Hamitic servant class.”
- Wife loves to watch Oprah.
- Admires Martin Luther King and his achievements, and the achievements of other black leaders such as George “Meadowlark” Lemon and Arthur Ashe.
- Web Du-bwah, the author of The Souls on Ice. Nicky Giovanni, author of the cosmetics or possibly crime syndicate memoir, Giovanni’s Room. Way-way-way-wait, you’re saying Lenny Kravitz has secretly been a black guy this whole time — as in cheating? I like jazz fine, I just cant stand those high-hat British snobs like Duke Ellington.
- Is the first to say when something is unfair, no matter who may be black or white or pink or green or blue, or whatever, but if you say you want equality, don’t turn right around and get hooked on welfare and Affirmative Action; that’s all I’m saying.
- If there can be Black Studies and the NAACP, why can’t you take White Studies and join the NAAWP? Where’s the United Anglo College Fund? Why should I be penalized just because I wasn’t born black?
- Oh sure, it makes the news whenever black people get thrown out of Cracker Barrel, but why don’t we ever hear about it when white people get thrown out of Negro Barrel?
No, that can’t be all. There must be more to it.
Ah. No wait, we’re forgetting something.
Anything else? Oh right.
Well there you go, that doesn’t sound like a racist. Is there any… Oh right.
Well there you go, no racist could… Oh wait.
Well there it, oh wait.
Oh, I see. Oh, now we’re getting somewhere.
Aha. Pray continue.
Hmm.
Richie’s latest musical endeavor is a parody of “That’s Amore” called “That’s A Racist.”
It occurs to me all of a sudden that we’re spending like twenty times the effort making fun of him as he spent actually doing this thing. “That’s Amore!?” Instant better idea: Lemonheads song becomes “It’s A Shame About Race.” Don’t actually do this, Rips.
Another one: Don’t attempt to write a parody at all, EVAR, before learning that a parody is not ‘of’ the thing you’re ripping off, but is in fact of the thing you’re making fun of, i.e. parodying. “Before learning” is used in the formal sense; don’t actually learn this.
Third better idea: Eat it. Fourth: Eat it, you Clemson-flunking splack of Australo-Carolingian ass cheese.
YouTube link:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=08vkJyrwspQ (http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102715510003&s=15554&e=001Rt2SHWfd5kH4MRWuK5c0SiwDzgO2Bs9kEshyQFqOfdeq-o0nUau2AG5VJhHrbuRjKOY4yShpevkwuAPI7fkNS3adNuAmYHT6Aijmu9dFllcKTmN2ozlF3uMbtA9FSVX811QJJ1N8ds4555xFIOtrpg==)
Right, sure. Let us step in and straighten that out for you. Trouble? No, no, our pleasure, and all that.
Rippin’ Richie’s web site is PopAndLock.com:
Whee.
Here are the lyrics to the parody:
No matter what happens now, it cannot be worth all that we have just been through.
When some congressman guy says the chosen one
liesThat’s a racist
When some tax payer minds that we’re robbing him
blindThat’s a racist
Though they screamed all of the same things, all of
the same thingsat that white Clinton fella
We will play race cards everyday, race cards
everydaycause we got nothing betta
When a man won’t be fooled by our dump trucks of
bullThat’s a racist
When he takes to the street to protest the deceit
That’s just hate
Wanting government lean not utopian dreaming
and statist
A rupting having been enforced on the band’s bank, the living was small until the tragic events of 7/11, when they were hanging out in the parking lot of the Valderee 7/11 and heard that MetroVertigo, Upstate South Carolina’s Apical [some press kits say ‘tip-top’] Gotters of the Funk-Yow were late for a gig down- and backstate from their hometown of Boiling Springs, it of the mattress de-lousing plant whose smell is that of prosperity, and took a plane to Walhalla in an additional sense to the one expected.
A hastily planned out-of-court injury settlement netted the backline and lighting rig at Sheriff’s auction, and roVer debuted with the glossy black paint still wet atop the flat black surfaces on which ‘Met tigo’ still showed faintly through in the departed band’s trademark hue of vivid raspberry of a kind, in terms of non-rigid felt headgear, that you would find at a second-hand store. When the 8’x12′ banner arrived a few days later from the FAA, only slightly scorched and irresistible in its vo-tech typographical grandeur, all meety-togethery of letter and forcedly left-right of symmetry (beginning with the centered ‘V’ and working outwards, the leftward ‘otreM’ was virtually, masterfully a mirror image of the rightward ‘ertigo’), it was discovered that it was made of polyethylene and couldn’t be painted, so almost before two beers had passed, there was a resourceful redneck application of duct tape and voilà, or wah-la, RetroVertigo was in, or ‘wuzzin,’ the house, or ‘duh how’ (cf. single release, “Who’s In Dachau?” b/w “All The Belsen Whistles”).
Scuzza me, but you see, to us in the left wing
That’s a racist
Scuzza you, Pantload too; Irving Kristol’s turned blue,
That’s amoron!
Title cf. Alice Childress, cf. Stephen Tyrone Johns Memorial Fund.
The reason he doesn’t have to worry about his KKK application is that he’s got a legacy program in.
Probably not worthy of being first, but … I’ve nothing to add to that!
I was right; not worthy.
Uh-oh, Kristol Sr.’s dead. Get ready for some Buckleyball.
The Itals, a reggae/Four Seasons fusion act
That would be “Four Seasons” as in the hotels, right? The Lounge act, right? Well, I don’t care what you meant, that’s how I’m reading it and to me that covers
Rippin’Poppin’Poopin’ Richie jes’ fine.Or you could call it a “Holiday Inn/Motel Six” fusion act.
I dunno.
When you authorize torture to start your pet War.
That’s immoral!
When you gut school resources for tax breaks to the rich.
That’s immoral!
When you kill 1 million people attempting to take out one fucking guy.
That’s immoral!
Early. Acid not kicked in yet.
I, too, was down on the Steinberger, until I saw this.
Early. Acid not kicked in yet.
Go back a post and read as much of Sullivan’s crush note to Preznit Bush II as you deem necessary. That should help set the acid. But don’t read too much. It’s early.
You can bet that, if somebody’s wanking away on a Steinberger, there’s an Ovation lurking somewhere in the shadows backstage.
M’eh. I like me some Right Brothers power pop punk rock better than THAT.
And I mean to be racist to lil’ rappin’ richie when I say that.
Gavin M., you’re a seriously good writer. Thank you for using “petard” correctly, most people think it is a winch. And the idea that I would be personally considered racist would be laughable to the community of slaves currently picking my cotton and singing.
Thank you for using “petard” correctly.
He blew up a retard with a petard.
Which may make Poopin’ Richie a “pretard,” but I’ll let the linguistically inclined determine that.
Thanks, Gavin. This line of “thought” [black people are the REAL racists] has been driving me nuts. Maybe you can help a Mr. David Brooks, who has a job with that liberal rag, the NYT.
Thank you for using “petard” correctly
Alas, poor RvB, I was one of those people with the misconception. Thank you for the motivation for clarification. I see now why Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are, in fact, dead.
And Bob Herbert weighs in:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/19/opinion/19herbert.html?_r=1
Here’s a taste:
I have no patience with those who want to pretend that racism is not an out-and-out big deal in the United States, as it always has been. We may have made progress, and we may have a black president, but the scourge is still with us. And if you needed Jimmy Carter to remind you of that, then you’ve been wandering around with your eyes closed.
Glenn Beck, one of the moronic maestros of right-wing radio and TV, assures us that President Obama “has a deep-seated hatred for white people.” Some years ago, as the watchdog group Media Matters for America points out on its Web site, Beck said he’d like to beat Representative Charles Rangel “to death with a shovel.”
There is nothing new about this racist rhetoric. Back in the 1970s Rush Limbaugh told a black caller: “Take that bone out of your nose and call me back.”
Good. Now, let’s watch the firestorm/backlash begin. Should be some threedle fodder for days to come.
“Full power to the Spittle Shields, Mr. Sulu.”
The Itals, a reggae/Four Seasons fusion act
Ah yes, the reggae version of Dawn(Go Away) is one of my all time favorites. Not even the legendary Dread Zeppelin can match it.
Hey now — ragging on Steinbergers is a bridge too far!
.
I’m sorry, you lost me at “Sep 19”.
Richie’s latest musical endeavor is a parody of “That’s Amore” called “That’s A Racist.”
Moron that in a moment.
Glenn Beck says “Know your Czars.”
Moron that later in the show.
Rush Limbaugh says ” Michelle (My Belle) Goes Shopping for Racist Cabbage”
Moron that after this commercial.
Hey now — ragging on Steinbergers is a bridge too far!
Eh, I wouldn’t lose my head over it.
Liberals and blacks have always been the real racists.
Glenn Beck says “Know your Czars.”
Cue Lovely Greta, weta maid.
~
Obama could stop the wingers dead in the tracks bu holding a press conference at which he announced that all of the czars will henceforth be called kaisers.
all of the czars will henceforth be called kaisers.
[cue bread puns in three, two, one…]
No loafing, Looch.
~
Fake “obama food stamps” with pictures of watermelon? Not racist
Calling a hand gesture a “terrorist fist jab”?? not racist
Pictures of Obama dressed like a witch doctor? Not racist.
Calling his mother in law the First Welfare Queen? Not racist
“Barack the Magic Negro”? Not racist
Saying a cop “acted stupidly” to arrest a man in his own home? OMG! He hate’s white people!
Obama could stop the wingers dead in the tracks bu holding a press conference at which he announced that all of the czars will henceforth be called kaisers.
Naw, let’s ride this horse of the South. I think he should say they’re all Overseers on the plantation.
Obama could stop the wingers dead in the tracks bu holding a press conference at which he announced that all of the czars will henceforth be called kaisers.
I think Progrom Directors would be a better term.
I also would have loved to have seen all the 9/12ers that had Obama = Hitler signs or similar rounded up and dragged down to the freight yard and loaded on trains. Then just have the trains pull forward slowly and stop, open the doors and let them all out and tell them that if Obame really was Hitler they’d of had longer train ride in front of them. That might get the message accross.
P
rogrom Directors would be a better term.Fiqqst for winger comprehension.
If Rippin’ (Wait. Doesn’t that mean “fartin'”?) Richie is so blakkk, how come his logo on his site makes him look like a cross between Avery Schreiber and Mario (the REAL Plumber)?
Fiqqst for winger comprehension.
Whoops. SL, your time-released capsule of a joke just made it to my bloodstream. My apologies and congratulations.
Progrom Directors would be a better term.
Fiqqst for winger comprehension.
Thanks N___B, that’s what I meant but I got distracted.
Nuts. Move the close paren to after REAL. It’s only 8 am in LA.
Thanks N___B, that’s what I meant but I got distracted.
It works better – if slower on some of us – the way you wrote it.
And my hearty thanks for the unearned third underscore.
It’s only 8 am in LA.
Laggards!
And my hearty thanks for the unearned third underscore.
Don’t mind me, I stutter sometimes.
Man, I love it when you get your Pynchon on.
Steinberger, EMGs, and Gaillen-Krueger.
Awesome.
9/12
This still doesn’t work for me. I always want to reduce it.
Is Rippin’ Ritchie wearing an Imperial Japanese flag as a headband? Come on, weren’t those guys allies with Hitler!?!?!
(And BTW, I’ve worked with Tony! Toni! Tone’! for almost 20 years as their sound engineer, so not only do I resent my bestest black bros being associated with “Toofless” Tomlinson, but it proves that I’m not a racist. Also.)
Um, I know I should be sparing with this, but I found that I’d gotten punchy last night and left the text a bit crooked. Did some tweaks just now; sorry about that.
You know what else is cool? That ’70s and ’80s microtrend of aluminum guitars — the Veleno, the Gittler, the aluminum-necked Travis Beans and Kramers. Some of them really sounded good, but they never caught on.
One reason is, like the Dan Armstrong lucite guitars, is that they weighed a fookin’ ton. And when you let go of an aluminum-necked guitar that’s strapped around your shoulder, the neck-end plunges toward the floor.
This still doesn’t work for me. I always want to reduce it.
NEVER FORGET 3/4!
Hmmm.
NEVER FORGET 0.8181 and so on!
I’m more interested in historical fiction concerning Gibson taking on Martin flat-top designs in the 40s. Corporate luthiery espionage.
his vintage-fail Steinberger with the no headstock and the body made of graphite or some toneless and resonance-killing substance like that, plus also just look at it.
Has anything good ever come out of one of those things?
And The Captain as the white Flava Flav? Interesting, except the Flav–dog love ‘im–hasn’t really done much worthwhile in the last few years, unlike the other guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtW9gqbY8n8
[Sorry, my Link Fu is failing me at the moment.]
And although I’m not drawn to the Flying V II, I could see myself strapping on an SG Zoot Suit.
Holy diamond-studded whifflesticks, man, you give good post.
ragging on Steinbergers is a bridge too far!
Trust me, it’s not worth fretting over.
“Obama could stop the wingers dead in the tracks bu holding a press conference at which he announced that all of the czars will henceforth be called kaisers.”
No, actually I think calling them Grand Dragons would be the best strategy for shutting up Bachman, Rush et al.
Also as per usual for these people, it seems from my quick scan of his site (I tried to stay and read, but a minute was the best I could muster) that Rippin’ Richie is rippin’ from his ancestors. “Lock and Pop” or otherwise known as the “Wave” was a dance move practiced as far back as the 30’s. Also, the “Lock and Pop” he was demonstrating while dressed as Santa was what I knew as the “Robot” in my seventies disco-era youth.
But, Richie has his black cred going on, with all those dancin moves and rappin’ who am I to say? I mean, I thought I grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood, had a black step-dad, but hey, those people didn’t randomly break out in dance or rappin’, so I guess they weren’t black.
So I don’t know shit. Ignore me, I’m just another angry socialist liberal out to suck up your soul so I can do shit like spread the idea of public funded healthcare, education and my Dime-Bag a Week program.
Have the wingers denounced “tsars”?
Paul Westerberg played one of those lucite Armstrongs for a while, which made me think they were cool. As Joe Max pointed out, though, heavy as balls.
I have absolutely no memory of aluminum guitars. Weird.
Gavin, this was awesome.Were you up all night with li’l Studie?
“
Much as it pains this bass player to give props to any electric bass guitar I have to admit that Robbie Shakespeare did good things with a Steinberger.
Ned also contracted a pretty good luthier for his (mostly unsuccessful) upright electric attempt and it was, well, OK.
Grudging enough?
Ya know, I don’t remember anyone even bringing up Rippin’ Richie. Is he sure President Carter was talking about him?
You missed that, eh? I have the quote right here…
“I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward Barack Obama especially from Rippin’ Richie is based on the fact that he is a black man, that he’s African-American. ” – Jimmy Carter
All this strum und drang over guitars? Must the rest of us just string along while you indulge in your fit of pick?
He’s pretty sure Carly Simon was singing about him too.
I have to admit that Robbie Shakespeare did good things with a Steinberger.
OK: point, Steinberger. One point.
He’s pretty sure Carly Simon was singing about him too.
In “Nobody Does It Better,” not “You’re So Vain.”
Phew. I always thought I was the only person who internally said “nine-elevenths”. It was my secret shame.
ragging on Steinbergers is a bridge too far!
Trust me, it’s not worth fretting over.
Heh. I didn’t pickup on that right away.
Heh. I didn’t pickup on that right away.
Truss me. It ain’t that funny.
Speaking of racism, guess who’s coming to dinner in the heat of the night. To kill a mockingbird would be crazy in Alabama.
Truss me. It ain’t that funny.
What are you talking about? Don’t keep me in suspension.
Don’t stick your neck out for that strum-pet, she’ll only string you along and then leave you flat.
Don’t keep me in suspension.
Brace yourself.
Brace yourself.
This seems very exciting, yet you’re all sounding board.
Gavin, this was awesome.Were you up all night with li’l Studie?
I’m not sure what you’re implying. Our baby is a perfect little boy who sleeps through the night.
Umm… yeah. Photographic proof and stuff.
What a gold mine!
One of the “testimonies” for Rippin’ Richie’s break dance instructional video: “You get straight down to business, clearly explaining correct form and technique without all that hollywood crap.”
Negro dancing without all the Jew moves. I love it!
Some of my best friends are black.
It’s just like the “right-wing extremists” study months ago; somebody says something that is undeniably true about a portion people on the right and CLEARLY limits the statement to that portion, they ALL respond “you talkin’ bout me?” You know what, if you have to ask when it’s crystal clear who was meant then YES, mother fucker, we sure as shit are.
If Obama you blame
for Bush Jr’s postgame
that’s a racist.
Or if only now debt
is some great big new threat
that’s a racist.
This still doesn’t work for me. I always want to reduce it.
NEVER FORGET 3/4!
Hmmm.
NEVER FORGET 0.8181 and so on!
And since the 8th letter of the alphabet is “h,” and the 1st “a,”:
9/11 becomes
.818181… becomes
.HA HA HA…
Proof! Of something! Or other!!
I missed the blessed event. Who won the pool?
I missed the blessed event. Who won the pool?
Oh geez. I haven’t gone back to look through the thread to find out. He was born at 5:37 PM on 9/12, at 7 lbs 14 oz and 21.5 inches long.
Once I’m a little less fragged, I’ll take a look at the thread and see who came the closest. Unless someone else wants to point me in the right direction.
Don’t bother, I found it:
As I said, no need for you to look it up, I’ve spared you the trouble. Now, what do I get?
Lady Doctor Missus Marita said,
Umm… yeah. Photographic proof and stuff.
I see you are imprinting Dash with an anti-Zebra bias.
PETA pita eata will hear about this!
~
Once I’m a little less fragged, I’ll take a look at the thread and see who came the closest. Unless someone else wants to point me in the right direction.
If it’s by time, Parrotlover77.
Has anything good ever come out of one of those things?
Dude, Rick Derringer.
Holy crap, I looked up my post for real, and I got the hour and minute exactly right:
Pity about the rest of the prediction.
Damn, it was close!
PS – I just supply the data. LDMM or other apprpriate personage who is empowered to actually declare winners and stuff must announce the winner. I don’t wish to be presumptuous.
It didn’t seem excessive to the point of madness yet, so I added a graf to the end. That’ll do it!
21.5 inches long.
He’s going to have a lot of friends.
C’mon, guys, its nver about race, its always about taxes and deficits. Just because Obama just gave a tax cut to 95% of American taxpayers doesn’t mean the teabaggers are grateful to him. Of course the teabaggers are grateful for the tax cut, just not to Obama apparently, but that’s not because of his race. He proposed it, and lobbied for it, and signed it into law, but it wasn’t really something that people should be grateful for, especially people who have a bug up their butts about taxes.
Thanks for that, Gavin.
I realized that’s a moray, but failed to grasp the sammich.
And as it is September, let us never forget.
~
PENISEGG.I got this response from a righty about the racist signs:
The judge, methinks, is having fun with Oily Taintz.
If counsel had carefully read the Court’s order….
Furthermore, competent counsel would have understood…
And also, that’ll be 10 grand, bitch.
the fact is, that video speaks to my soul.
Wow. It got very quiet in here. Did Gary #2 run everyone off?
We’re all trying to do something with ‘plectrum’ and ‘spectrum’.
I don’t get this extreme overreaction to being called racist. We live in a racist society; we’re soaking in it! It’s work to not be racist, for chrissake.
It’s painful to try and call someone out and get this “you called me a father raper!” response. I don’t want to blame anybody for being thoughtlessly racist in this society. I just want them to cut it out. Don’t get your indignation up into my nose, just reflect & maybe not say it to the checkout clerk, okay? But they don’t have a Klan hood on, so they think whatever stupid shit comes out their mouths isn’t really racist.
And these are my friends. I need better riding buddies.
I seem to remember another guy with a radical socialist agenda that made him some enemies. He was a swarthy Middle Eastern fellow, and 20th century Christians were not too keen on him.
I’m talking, of course, about Anwar Sadat.
“Crack is Wack (I Want My Baby Back),”
If there’s a prize for getting this one I want it.
all of the czars will henceforth be called
kaisersKeyser Sözeswho will immediately convince the public that they don’t exist.
Is that how you spell that? Huh.
Is that how you spell that?
Is what how you spell that?
Who’s on first?
Is that how you spell that?
Is what how you spell that?
Who’s on first?
Apparently, no one, even though my program says “Keyser Sözes.”
“Keyser Sözes.”
I can’t see that without reading “keister sores.” I need to get out of here.
I need to get out of here.
You can check out but you can never leave.
I don’t know why the talk is always about how these tea parties might lead to violence– “Rippin’ Richie” has already murdered me.
I propose we go with the classic “caesar” instead of czar, tsar, or kaiser. Let’s get back to the root of the fasces-ism.
Submitted without comment.
Dash is SO ADORABLE!! Thanks for the pix.
Set-up:
Punchline:
Oh, link too: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200910/satire
Liberal satire wouldn’t be so damn smug if it woke up in a pool of its own vomit a couple dozen times now WOULD IT? Think about THAT, libs.
When I saw Rush in ’85 at the Rosemont Horizon, Geddy rocked a Steinberger during YYZ. So if you rag on the Steinberger I’ll have to fight you.
Steinberger basses has one good point. Just one. No neck dive. Anyone talented can make good music out of a crap instrument. Yes, I tried a Steinberger, in the ’80s. It made me wish for a Gibson bass (yes, that’s an insult. In the entire history of Gibson, they’ve made a small handful of good basses, and damn near all of ’em are too heavy).
The smug satire of liberal humorists debases our comedy—and our national conversation.
Why are the funnymen(and women) the ones that are given the most respect among newscasters? Because is has been that way along time. And because they touch the truth of things.
“In societies where freedom of speech was not recognized as a right, the court jester—precisely because anything he said was by definition “a jest” and “the uttering of a fool”—could speak frankly on controversial issues[1] in a way in which anyone else would have been severely punished for. Monarchs understood the usefulness of having such a person at their side.[1] Still, even the jester was not entirely immune from punishment, and he needed to walk a thin line and exercise careful judgment in how far he might go – which required him to be far from a fool, in the modern sense.”–Wikipedia
FYWP
Double post wandering around Interons. If anyone sees it, send just one-half here.
Hey Gavin,
“38.1% voted to keep it that way, with the shame, or excuse me, the howling ignominy and stink unto God of each percentage made thicker by the fact that it includes all non-white voters.”
Am I stupid? Non-white voters are in the 38% that voted to keep it that way?
Also,
I’m too strapped to come up with a guitar pun. God, I suck.
FYWPFYWPFYWP
The pasta:
In societies where freedom of speech was not recognized as a right, the court jester—precisely because anything he said was by definition “a jest” and “the uttering of a fool”—could speak frankly on controversial issues[1] in a way in which anyone else would have been severely punished for. Monarchs understood the usefulness of having such a person at their side.[1] Still, even the jester was not entirely immune from punishment, and he needed to walk a thin line and exercise careful judgment in how far he might go – which required him to be far from a fool, in the modern sense.
Addressing SubMg’s Hitch link.
FYFYFYWP
It was a really good post. Really. You’ll see when all four show up.
FYFYFYWP
Or “comment.” Not post.
FYWP
OK, try it this way. Wikipedia, “Court Jester.” Apply to SubMg’s Hitch linky.
I may be incompetent, but I am persistently so.
Hey Gavin,
“38.1% voted to keep it that way, with the shame, or excuse me, the howling ignominy and stink unto God of each percentage made thicker by the fact that it includes all non-white voters.”
Am I stupid? Non-white voters are in the 38% that voted to keep it that way?
My interpretation is different. I think Gavin’s point is that it was 38% of the total who voted not to change the law. Since some (probably not small) fraction of the total are the minorities affected by the law, and therefore likely highly in favour of the change, the likelihood that a particular white person voted opposed is more than 38%.
Strictly speaking, I suppose there might be some handful of black people who think marrying whitey should be illegal, but I wouldn’t imagine that to be a statistically significant group.
The smug satire of
liberal humoristsAristophanes debases our comedy—and our national conversation.Foxed.
“Steamin’ updock, something-something. ”
What’s updock?
Dear Gavin,
Jimmy Carter is not on the left, as you told me 25 years ago. I would say that you’ve sold out, but since you get no money for this, it’s closer to the truth to say that you gave up. Good luck with these interwebs.
Dr. Egg Zit
Well, half the gang arrived. And, the time stamps indicate. I am very persistent for very short periods of time. I wonder where the other set of twins went?
Call me a racist all you want, but don’t EVER accuse me of playing “The Electric Slide!”
OK. Days late ans ?any pesetas short, but I’m a few time zones away & just indulged my habit on a handheld, with a bellyful of Pulpo, jamon iberico,, rioja, and orujo, bits and droplets of which now decorate my short and table. Damn Gavin, haven’t you just launched another missile to kill a mouse. broke my eyes on this highlarious shit when I shoulda been ogling the local talent, but couldnae stop. had me (and oh, I been had) at Gallien-Krueger, but Stefan Fetchit is responsible for at least a quarter of the drycleaning bill. Damn.
CWUI (commenting under the influence – esp w this tiny keyboard) is very hazardous.