Satire Requires A Closed-Casket Funeral

Andy McCarthy, The Corner:
The Death of the Soviet Union Was Not the Death of Communism

  • Hi, McCarthy here. The government is full of communists.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Tintin adds: This revealing photo was found recently in the S,N! archives.



Comments: 43


That would explain the replacement of The Star-spangled Banner with The Internationale.


“McCarthy”… hmmm, “McCarthy”… seems I’ve heard that name in the context of Communism somewhere before, but where….?


Best. Shorter. Ever.


Oh, boy! I clicked through and got a blank column. Just the kind of Andrew McCarthy I like.

But I did get a reccomendation to subscribe to National Review, which claims to be “Standing Athwart Washington Liberals Yelling Stop!”.

Probably with a wide stance.

Don’t look up, guys.


I have in my hand a list of 57.


I have in my hand a list bottle of Heinz 57.


James Burnham, “Spain Minus Franco,” National Review, 21 November 1975:

The whole concept of “fascism,” for that matter, has been a fraud from the beginning. Like “peaceful coexistence” and “detente,” it is a tactical invention of the Soviet Agitprop, and boils down in practice to the simple definition: fascism is any regime that outlaws Communism.


Mwah ha ha ha.

Fantastic shorter.


If Glenn Greenwald wouldn’t already have won the Internet with his Meritocracy post, you’d win it now.


On a sidenote, WTF is Andy doing being in a group called the Foundation for the Defense of Democracies? He’s already on record as saying that Muslims can’t handle democracy and that Maliki should be replaced with a leader more subordinate to U.S. interests. He literally views third worlders as political children who can’t vote for their own leaders without approval from the Wise White Man.


Yeah, it’s going to get even uglier than it already is. The right is following the same MO that they did with Clinton. Whoop and holler and chip away at his legitimacy to be the prez. Then go in for the kill with impeachment. The press will back them all the way on this too.


Shorter Slacker response:

Hi, Slacker here. Even though General Franco is no more, the National Review still has an epic boner for fascism.


“And in other news, Generallisamo Franco is still seriously dead!” – Chevy Chase, 1975


Comrades! He’s on to us! Quick – back to Moscow!


I knew that fall-of-the-Soviet-Union hype was just a trick!


Do you still have to have your list of White House Communists in your hand, or do they just carry around a thumb drive now?


I’m so glad that no chimpanzees were defamed this time around when the Andy McCarthy pic was posted.


Bring back the loyalty oath I say! And what ever happened to the House Committee on UnAmerican Activities? This Van Jones character who called the Republicans “assholes” is clearly a communist.


The picture proves conclusively that McCarthy is a red.


Hmm, Pere Ubu’s right – there’s literally nothing there. Nothing about YouEssHey Gummint Kommynizm in their archives either.

Much like the inside of a more famous McCarthy’s briefcase … coincidence … OR CONSPIRACY????///??/?

You think someone at Teh Corner who secretly hates America wrecked his harmless blacklisty fun by telling him what his last name is?

Must’ve been a fuckin’ Commie.


Has he no sense of decency?

(well, someone had to say it)


Hmm, Pere Ubu’s right – there’s literally nothing there.

I see it. Includes this:

There’s nothing covert about him. He didn’t snooker Obama into bringing him aboard. He is who he is, and that’s why Obama wanted him. Having a Communist in that job was perfect since the “green jobs” initiative is an important part of the hard Left’s agenda to use environmentalism as an additional justification for usurping command of the economy.



I see it.


Okay, now I do too … in Internet Exploiter at least.

I know Firefox hasn’t got an Anti-Bullshit add-on – numerous other wingnutty links work just fine.

Does K-Lo perchance do code-editing too?

Bad things are not happening to our president; our president is doing bad things — as we should have known he would.

(c&p’ing between browsers is so furking kewl)

Yeah, Obama – stop trying to fix the healthcare & the economy you somehow catastrophically screwed up before you got elected! Those must be BAD because after all, in matters pertaining to American politics, “McCarthy” is a name you can trust!

In fact, the death of the Soviet Union has actually been a boon for neocommunists.

Sounds superficially intuitive – but reads like the same tired old shit.

With due respect, I think Charles Krauthammer had it badly wrong on Van Jones

Uh oh. Dude better hope Chuckie’s not on the rag when he reads that, or he’s going to be doing “symposiums” at Ikea snack-bars by Thanksgiving. Sauerkraut’s got neocon street-cred little Andy can only fap to dreams of.


Is this whack job any relation to Joe? Can’t find a bio on teh Google.


WTF is Andy doing being in a group called the Foundation for the Defense of Democracies

There is a typo in the name. It is supposed to be the Foundation for the Defense from Democracies


Wow. For a young’un like me, all this terrified screaming about communism is just funny. I remember telling at least one person that the Soviet Union collapsed before I was even old enough to know what communism was. Maybe it’s because I grew up post-Cold War, but this idea that the Commies are out to destroy us all makes no sense to me.

Also funny is how some people hear “public health care and green jobs” and immediately think “Soviet Union,” and not, say, “Sweden.” Oh, sure, you see some attempts to trash-talk Sweden’s health care system, but that seems to have stopped now in favor of pretending that anything other than free-market capitalism or Stalin-style communism can’t possibly exist.


Has he no sense of decency?

(well, someone had to say it)

At long last, someone did.


Say, isn’t that Gregg Marmalard-looking character on Joe’s right Roy Cohn? Man, talk about a walking advertisement for karma.


Andy’s making goo-goo eyes at Roy Cohn.


another jim said
Best. Shorter. Ever.

Seconded. Brilliant.


So, if Communism wasn’t destroyed in 1989, does that make Reagan a fraud?

Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist

Animus – yes, on top of being a traitor. Remember how, according to Pantload et alia, we’ve been at war with Iran since 1979? And how Reagan sold them a bunch of weapons in the 80s?



My God, McCarthy’s boy Roy Cohn certainly was cute! (lol)


Oh, they’re not even trying any more.


Speaking of McCarthy, have any of you seen Conservapedia’s page on him? I’m not sure if it was originally that way or if it has been very slowly sabotaged, but it’s still a hoot. And I quote:

“He is now considered an American hero by many, though liberals still seek to tarnish his name.”

“He was proven correct by government documents and inquiry, including decrypted Venona files.”

“McCarthy’s charges that over-educated liberals tolerated Communism at home and abroad had baffled the liberals. He alleged that they had corruptly sold out the national interest to protect their upper class privileges, and were so idealistic about world affairs that they radically underestimated the threat posed by Stalin, his spies, and the worldwide Communist movement. Instead of refuting the allegations, Liberals tried one of two approaches. Some became intensely anti-Communist and claimed they were more effective than McCarthy and the Republicans in eliminating Communism in the unions and Democratic party, and in containing the Stalinist menace in Europe. The other approach was to counterattack, to charge that “McCarthyism” never found a single spy but hurt innocent people in hunting for nonexistent witches; thus it represented an evil betrayal of American values. In an appeal to upscale conservatives and liberal intellectuals, critics ignored the Communist infiltration of labor unions and liberal causes and focused on stereotyping anticommunists as ill-mannered ignorant troglodytes, oblivious to American traditions of free speech and free association.”

You couldn’t make this shit up. Except, of course, someone evidently did.


Communism won’t be dead until the last union worker has been strangled by the dreadlocks of the last hippie.


You’ll get my dreadlocks when you pry them off of my cold dead wig!


Also funny is how some people hear “public health care and green jobs” and immediately think “Soviet Union,” and not, say, “Sweden.”

Or Germany. What are they, chopped somethingunpronounceable? Are there any european countries that they do approve of, or that they think we’re doing better than? Since dozens of countries have socialized medicine, shouldn’t there be at least one they can point to as an example of how it will wreck your economy, make your dog gay, etc.? Right now the “argument” is that universal health care is a bad idea, except for every single country it’s ever been tried in before.

I’m in Europe right now, and I have to say, they’re beating the pants off of us in the capitalism department. And for the most part, the smoking hot women department, the cheap and delicious pizza and beer departments, and more besides. Maybe they haven’t looked at the exchange rates since Clinton was president, but by any sort of objective measure we’re getting our asses handed to us by pretty much every country in Europe.

Horse Of Another Colour

Communism won’t be dead until the last union worker has been strangled by the dreadlocks of the last hippie.



Well, except for the armed crazy right wing loon department, HOAC. We rule that category.


How did Alvin of The Chipmunks end up on C-Span????



They must have got Cohn’s good side. I thought he looked like Rowan Atkinson in that picture.

If only it had been.


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