Hoffer Hears A Heil
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to True Believer Theatre. I am your ghost…heh-heh, that is, your host, Eric Hoffer (1902-1983), charter member of the Christopher Lasch (1932-1994) Supper Club of Conservative Anti-Wingnuts (Peter “Not George Sylvester Viereck” Viereck [1916-2006], President and Chancellor), and author of the classic early-postwar work on the authoritarian personality, The True Believer, available wherever once-pivotal old paperbacks are thrown.
We have a sc-a-ary story for you this evening, ladies and gentlemen. Oh yes, I’m feeling the ordeal of change just thinking about it.
The great innovation of The True Believer was something that now seems like common sense — or that did until Jonah Goldberg got his hot, jammy handprints1 all over it a little while ago, wiping them subsequently onto his book, I Know You Are, But What Am I, a.k.a. Liberal Fascism.
It’s that totalitarian movements may have features of the left or of the right, and may variously consider themselves like Bolshevik Communism to be radically left-wing, or like the Nazis to be the restorers of conservative values and culture. But underneath these distinctions, they have much more in common with each other than they do with sociopolitical arrangements like liberal democracy. Moreover, the book argues, the personality that thrives under them seems to have little difficulty in switching from an extremist worldview to its notional opposite — from one all-white vs. all-black mode of thinking to another — but to have much greater difficulty with similar non-extremist worldviews that value ambivalence over certainty, that privilege the work of judgment over willed belief and a trust in doctrine.
Such troublesome people! So invariant over time, with their listening to angry men on the radio and at podiums, and before that probably at older podiums with bad Roman emperors animated behind them (and hissing and gossiping when it was Marcus Aurelius); with their suckerhood for flattery, their ecstatic self-congratulation when denying others what had been denied them. So easily turned against people, so radiant they are when punishing others’ trespasses, so quick to trespass when egged on, so whiny when egged.
What butyric Hell awaits the traveler whose soul exhausts its charge on splashdown like a self-inflating thing, then snags on a splintered wooden Ozymandias phalange slanting out of the water, as such an object would slant in this tableau — and there would be ravens standing on it, as well — and sinks flappingly down, down in the tannin-stained waters to the skeletal grabby-hands reaching from the basal muck? Ask Malki, The Little Girl Who Loved The Swamp Stinkers.
Michelle Malkin, michellemalkin.com, 8/21/2009:
The bottom line on Tom Ridge: Weasel
- Lone former DHS head Tom Ridge is without credibility in his attempt to profit from a made-up politicization of Bush administration terror alerts that he “suspected” and “wondered,” causing even The New York Times to cease fabricating news on behalf of America’s enemies to prove that Ridge “provides no evidence that politics motivated the discussion” — leaving two possibilities: Ridge’s blatant politicizing of terror alerts is either a lie, or a deliberate attempt to mislead.
[commercial: Jamie Lee Curtis for Laxtivia laxative yogurt, or Activia, or whichever. That thing she does with that mortifying peristaltic encouragement product, ProDefecia or KerPooey — or that’s why they let other people name these, I suppose. Torpedea? Infinite DiJest?]
Michelle Malkin, michellemalkin.com, 8/27/2009:
Team Obama denies politicizing homeland security. Insert laugh track.
- The distastefully obeisant AP deserves praise in refusing to whitewash the foreseen-by-us corruption of DHS strongman Jeanette Napolitano, with a story proving that small irregularities in project scheduling have the appearance of political favoritism — denied by Napolitano as a reminder of the desperate cover-up of misdeeds in which the White House is generally engaged.
[commercial: MOM: “Alex? Alex-Alex?”]
Michelle Malkin, michellemalkin.com, 8/31/2009:
Tom Ridge: Straight to the remainder bin
- Tom Ridge the despicable enemy lied twice: once in conspiring with evildoers who falsely lied that his book confirms politicized terror alerts, and again with an outrageous walkback of that baseless sham fabrication when he squirmingly admitted never making any such claim.
[Comcast commercial featuring tuneless young woman perambulating through gray, isometrically projected world full of off-license cartoon characters. Commercial repeats directly.]
Hoffer here. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our musical guest, LaShaka DeNew Featuring Da Kuhn Squad.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
If a grad-school appellation is needed, with one being for instance in grad school, we suggest that the next time you give someone a Snotzi, you don’t just do it in the classic monocular Artie Shaw style, sneaking up on them with a Nosenfurter from Herr Wipensmear and being like, “Hel-looo, it iss Der Snotzi Party mit Der Boogermeister Meisterbooger, snorken sie Honkensneezen achtung!” and running away doing a ‘high-Hitler’ (the position for a ‘seig-me-heil’ equivalent to a high five) with the tip of an index finger under your nose and your shirttails flying. That’s just corny, old-hat stuff that doesn’t impress anybody in grad school, not that David Sedaris isn’t practically the Bennett Cerf of the Doctoral and Masteral scholastic set, and Naked practically their Bennett Cerf’s Book of Lerfs.
I have very good sedar, by the way; I can tell the instant I enter a room if a Sedaris or a book of the Sedarii is in it. There is an auditory cue in a voice that I can trace to me heckling or jeckling, whichever is which, or that acts out imaginary commercials for a beer slightly better than Löwenbräu for which Sedaris is the spokesman. The name of the next beer up the scale is pronounced ‘Hi-broy,’ but Mittelbräu rhymes with Homer Simpson’s ‘Skittlebrau,’ and is for people who would know that mixing beer and Skittles was a reference to something, but would not recognize ‘beer and skittles’ (‘skittles’ being a pub game, not a candy) as coming from an ubiquitous, but otherwise not notably apropos passage from Tom Brown’s School Days. The book, a veritable Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young with regard to the ‘beer and skittles’ passage, has not been read by an American in over 100 years, nor will it be during the next 100. A craft-type beer under the Mittelbräu name is a porter named ‘Dark and Stormy Night Porter,’ which is funny because Bulwer-Lytton plus ahem.
If you’re expecting this footnote to go anywhere in particular, I’ve never known one not to do that eventually, but life really is too short for single entendres. Every so often, its procession also seems insufficiently leisurely for the ordinary double kind, but those are work, and work has a way of slowing time again.
So don’t try the old Snotzi in drag, i.e. in dragweight school, because you will be a candidate not for a degree, i.e. for a re-edge (-macation) or a certificate of educational or ‘e’-greed, but for couthanazia, which as we know is euthanasia by or involving Nazis for an offense of teh rudeness. Instead, we suggest sneaking up and delivering the ol’ Susan Snot-tag from Ms. Carolee Schneezmann, and just being like, “NSDAP.” It stands for Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, as your high-edgema friends will peripatetically phonate with their impactive and insuderaptic sensibilities, but you can easily convince people that it’s pronounced, ‘nose-dip.’
And Jonah. After 65 years of trying to live down their prewar, or even wartime enthusiasm for Nazi Germany, Fascist Italy, what was left of Spain after Germany and Italy had been through, and even the Japanese Empire, the right at last had young Goldberg on the job, a clever enough arguer and an ‘intellectual’ by comparison to many who was also stupid and brazen enough to allow himself to be trapped into arguing something that was false by definition, and to imagine a way out through changing the definitions of things — using, for instance, the terms ‘fascism’ and ‘liberalism’ as a drunk uses a light pole: as a place to take a whiz rather than for illumination.
The imagined prize: “Achtung,” a conservative writes. “The Hitliberals’ new Taxkrieg has a way of making us talk!” See, it’s like at last, the fault for Nazism can be pasted where it belongs: on liberals who would get upset about it the way they get nicely hoppingly, jumpingly upset when it’s pointed out that they’re the real racists who hate minorities. Whose harm, also, would benefit the wealthy in their never-ending struggle to take away the protections granted citizens by the New Deal. “‘Liar, liar, Panzer fire’ if its socialist wealth redistribution isn’t ‘der campiest’ know-nuss-SING ‘triumph of the won’t’ from the Liberazi Left since lampshades with five-o’-clock shadow.” And such an opportunity for wit!
The book was interesting in the way it covered the diversity of America’s prewar political movements, with their now-counterintuitive combinations of traits and interests. Conservatism began to knit together after the war from threads of old-time individualist libertarianism, Social Darwinism, the instrumental anti-communism and anti-unionism of business, and quite significantly, domestic fascism and neo-fascist movements. The commonality among them was that they had something useful to the obsessions of America’s wealthy meddlers and self-organizers, its advocates for the interests of wealth against those of mere rights, and for the ungoverned, unregulated primacy of private power and the concomitant weakening of popular government — i.e. something like fascism, if left unchecked, but even more like feudalism.
If there can be a definition of the right that will make sense nearly anywhere you apply it, this isn’t a bad attempt at it. And this is me saying this, by the way, not Goldberg. Conversely, a good working definition of ‘the left’ is that it privileges the personal liberties that everyone holds equally over the economic kind that a few people have in great measure, and many have in no measure. It tends to do this through the often imprecise instrument of law, and the even more often imprecise instrument of government.
Having almost grasped these basic divisions, anyway, Liberal Fascism predictably began to emit streams of failtrinos, stupons, and other mysterious Goldbergian quantum particles and suspected particles (slipons, tripons, clipons, peons and puons; strapons, morons, scruons, Dr. C.L. Clapov’s Clapov-clapons, Drs. Aarvo Sammatta and Daniel Watt’s Watt-Sammatta yuons; crampons, tampons, stampons, Pida framptons, Ronal reagons, Donal reegons, Drs. Susan Dale and Stepan Missing’s Dale bosons and Missing persons, geocons, neocons, theocons, Caffish pyons, Onda bayons, Mio myons, Hong Kong fuons, and let me go up there and erase about half of those, jeez, taking in exchange from the surrounding environment a tragic, draining waste of meons, youons, and dog-named buons; Horton-Heerza huons; radioöns, each with its 50,000 watts of power, Dabeet gosons, and Jamsum reggaemons, and depleting the so-called ‘quantum soup’ of its constituent won-tons and pho-tons.
Otherwise, well, Goldberg and Hoffer, and we don’t have to figure everything out all at once, or anything, clearly.
Gavin, you is one sick puppy. 🙂
Heh – “sedar”
So, bottom line, Malkin hates Ridge because Ridge drew back the curtain?
Heh – “sedar”
Like “gaydar”, it helps you identify a minority (in this case, Jews)
Gavin suffers, so that we may be entertained.
Bravo!
~
And let’s not forget the Hondurons.
Tom Brown’s School Days is also noteworthy for marking the literary debut (albeit in a supporting role) of one Harry Flashman.
LaShaka DeNew
Watch out, Lady GaGa!
Can I get a soupcon of croutons in my won-ton?
Can I get a soupcon of croutons in my won-ton?
Hope you remembered your coupon.
Jesus Christ man, this is majestic.
So who is crazier – Michelle Malkin or Michelle Bachmann?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Oh. My. God. I will steal time from my day to bask in this post, even if I must emit 31 flavors of baskon-robbons to do so.
Can I get a soupcon of croutons in my won-ton?
Hope you remembered your coupon.
Pardon me, do you have any …
No, too easy.
Kid, you’ve had too much spinach.
Can I get a soupcon of croutons in my won-ton?
Hope you remembered your coupon.
Pardon me, do you have any …
No, too easy.
Too easy…..for me to POOP ON!
I dunno…this is grade A nutcase, but I think Malkin still takes the cake.
But…but Hitler was a vegetarian which proves liberals are Nazis. Oh, you may think you’re very clever with all those words and allusions not to mention illusions which I just did but you can’t rewrite history in any way that makes sense to anyone who didn’t live without it. What’s more and over, I don’t believe in ghosts except for the Space Ghost who is the all time best ghost ever.
Does Tom Ridge have any young grandkids?
This post is a thing of beauty.
I believe Gavin has been sampling the epidurals….
I just listened to Tom Ridge on Talk of the Nation. I sent in a question, wanting to know whether I should believe Mr. Ridge when he says he was pressured to bump the alert or when he says he wasn’t pressured. They didn’t ask my question.
Here’s someone who needs to be SadlyNotted:
Lynn Jenkins tells working mother to “go be a grown-up”
Just saying, Malkin and Goldberg are pretty low-hanging fruit compared to someone who laughs off the idea that a 2-year-old hasn’t been to the doctor in 21 months.
Gavin, I’m sure I speak for all the voices in my head when I say: Don’t ever go back to taking your meds. Thank you.
“…the personality that thrives under them seems to have little difficulty in switching from an extremist worldview to its notional opposite — from one all-white vs. all-black mode of thinking to another — but to have much greater difficulty with similar non-extremist worldviews that value ambivalence over certainty, that privilege the work of judgment over willed belief and a trust in doctrine.”
Shorter version: Norman Podhoretz, Irving Kristol, & David Horowitz used to be left-wing assholes. Now they’re right-wing assholes.
Twentieth Century isms were all basically rebelling against modernity.
This cannot pass. What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass.
I just hope their kidney stones hear that.
It is. I would totally vote for Gavin if he ran for anything. Also intimidate his opponent’s voters. Perhaps I would beat them. And then, if Gavin so ordered it upon winning his election, I would round his opponents up and put them into camps for re-education or disposal.
Rockulika Hurricons?
Rockulika Hurricons?
Rockme Imagayass?
Did anyone ever take those alerts seriously in the first place? I mean, who even remembers anymore when they were supposed to be red or orange or puce or eggshell white or whatever the fuck?
The most you could ever say about them is that they were a ridiculously vague and pathetic attempt to look busy in the Wah on Terrah. Of course, anyone who has lived in the real world for five minutes knew they were a clumsy attempt at political manipulation.
As for Ridge, he now joins Colin Powell and Robert McNamara in the Gee, Thanks for Speaking Out Eventually Hall of Fame.
My favorite target=”new”>terror alert rainbow
Ok, I see I need remedial coding help…
depleting the so-called ‘quantum soup’ of its constituent won-tons and pho-tons
Ah, the Topsider quark.
Rockulika Hurricons?
Rockme Imagayass?
Rockout Wit’yercockout.
ok, what the hell is up with WP now?
I just listened to Tom Ridge on Talk of the Nation. I sent in a question, wanting to know whether I should believe Mr. Ridge when he says he was pressured to bump the alert or when he says he wasn’t pressured. They didn’t ask my question.
It doesn’t matter if he was pressured to change the alert levels or not. The whole thing was a political ploy to begin with.
This cannot pass. What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t pass.
Remember, Michelle. It’s “down the road”, not “across the street”!
Let’s try this again:
Rockulika Hurricons?
Rockme Imagayass?
Rockout Wit’yacockout.
Someone should suggest to Bachmann that instead of slitting their wrists it would be better to slit their jugulars. So, you know, they’ll have enough blood to mix it all together for everyone. Also.
Decay of the procol haron emits Robin trowons and Pida framptons. One of the deadliest forms of radiation known to man.
One thing I take issue with. I’m an American and after I read the Flashman books (Over and over again, laughing my ass off) I had to go back and read Tom Brown’s School Days.
Decay of the procol haron emits Robin trowons and Pida framptons. One of the deadliest forms of radiation known to man.
Wow. And here I thought the Neilschon was the deadliest….
I was scrolling thru an older entry today while getting my nails done (w/whatever hand was free) and it almost got me laughing out loud. Try to make me look crazy in public, will you? I prefer to do my insane cackling at home, people!
XOXO,
vacuumslayer
gravity-pynchons
Wait–no eRic Clap-tons (the so-called “God particle”)?
Wait–no eRic Clap-tons (the so-called “God particle”)?
It combines too easily with too many other particles. It’s very hard to study solo.
wanting to know whether I should believe Mr. Ridge when he says he was pressured to bump the alert or when he says he wasn’t pressured.
Well, they pressured me a few times, but not like 24 hours a day or anything. In fact, they spent less time pressuring me than they pressured me, so let’s just round that off and and say they never pressured me. That should clear up any misunderstanding.
Can we leave it at that, please. Dick’s got a shotgun and he’s not afraid to use it.
Pida framptons are really small particles, aren’t they?
Pida framptons are really small particles, aren’t they?
But if you toast them and dip them in hummus….yum!
So by toasting the Pida framptons you add a carbon atom and then a chickpeon? I was never good at chemistry (except self administration).
Like that recent monkey with 2 mothers and a father, I believe you are the IVF child of David Foster Wallace and S.J. Perelman, with the mitochondrial DNA of Veronica Geng. Just do me a favor, try to avoid the untimely exit, self-inflicted or otherwise. And if you ever publish a book, let us know where to buy it.
So by toasting the Pida framptons you add a carbon atom and then a chickpeon?
*waving white flag*
You have my advantage, suh!
Pida framptons are really small particles, aren’t they?
But if you toast them and dip them in hummus….yum!
I like Hummus Pie!
Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but Peter Frampton==Temper Fat Porn and Eric Clapton==Narcoleptic. Just sayin’.
Not to beat a dead horse or anything
Is that the horse that wouldn’t drink the water I led him too? Leaving the barn door open was all part of the plan.
And Michelle Malkin==Chill Man-Like Me. Good advice if she would only take it. Didn’t her mother ever tell her her face would freeze that way?
Jonah Goldberg==Hog Gnarled Job and Bob Owens==New Boobs.
OK, I’ll stop now. But this could achieve the poetic nature of Cockney rhyming slang if it spreads beyond the Sadly, No pocket universe.
Not to beat a dead horse or anything
Is that the horse that wouldn’t drink the water I led him too? Leaving the barn door open was all part of the plan.
That was a horse of a different color.
What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass.
It would have been better if she had said it in Spanish, in honour of that well-known conservative Dolores Ibárruri.
Ibárruri is Basque. I would support legislation to require all right-wing pronunciamentos to be in that language so even the devil couldn’t understand them.
Bob Owens==Web Noobs
At least, that’s my entry.
Sooo, what is the real Tom Ridge story? This whole last administration scramble-for-cover thing going on now is a little shocking. It’s like they never expected this day to come.
I would support legislation to require all right-wing pronunciamentos to be in that language so even the devil couldn’t understand them.
How dare you try to restrict their Freedom of Blart!
the Christopher Lasch (1932-1994) Supper Club of Conservative Anti-Wingnuts
That takes me back.
Lasch always struck me as an honest cultural critic. He had principles which caused him to oppose particular cultural trends, rather than disliking things and then dreaming up principles as a rationale for that dislike. He might yell at us kids to get off his lawn, but he’d protect his neighbours’ lawns equally staunchly.
An inexplicable reverence for the Freudian mythos comes through in some of his writing, but that’s all spilt milk under the bridge* now.
* This being the bridge we’ll burn when we come to it.
Well, they maybe expected it in a thousand years…
It’s like they never expected this day to come.
They never do.
“It’s like they never expected this day to come.”
They didn’t. Honest to doG, the results of the election stunned them like a halibut. They’re thrashing around in the bottom of the boat, but their brains are smashed beyond all recognition. If it weren’t so schadenfreudalicious, it would be…well, no, it’s funny as hell.
¡No Pasarán! not so much.
It’s important to remember that as shitty, stupid and offensive as Goldberg’s thesis is, he didn’t invent the idea of conflating liberalism and fascism despite their diametric opposition to each other.
In 1976 Reagan told Time:
“Fascism was really the basis for the New Deal.”
But even then, this stupid idea goes back much further. FDR had to fend off charges of fascism:
“will try to give you new and strange names for what we are doing. Sometimes they will call it ‘Fascism,’ sometimes ‘Communism,’ sometimes ‘Regimentation,’ sometimes ‘Socialism.’ But, in so doing, they are trying to make very complex and theoretical something that is really very simple and very practical. . . . Plausible self-seekers and theoretical die-hards will tell you of the loss of individual liberty. Answer this question out of the facts of your own life. Have you lost any of your rights or liberty or constitutional freedom of action and choice?[14]”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_New_Deal_and_corporatism
Basically the gist is some liberals admired that Mussolini kept the trains running on time and therefore Obamacare necessarily entails zyklon B showers.
they maybe expected it in a thousand years
I see what you do there.
Laxtivia works by stimulating the emission of crapons.
Caffish pyons, Onda bayons, Mio myons,
That one took a couple of re-reads. Hank Williams Sr. salutes you.
OT: Anybody else having trouble with gmail? I keep getting a 502 message.
Laxtivia works by stimulating the emission of crapons.
Which must NEVER be crossed with a stream of Clapons, or else you’ll create an unholy mess of old women clapping their hands for light.
I keep getting a 502 message
I am too. Also
Goldbergian quantum particles
Did I miss the “tampon” reference?
[Goldberg] didn’t invent the idea of conflating liberalism and fascism
You’ve got Gresham on my Godwin!
You’ve got Godwin on my Gresham!
Answer this question out of the facts of your own life. Have you lost any of your rights or liberty or constitutional freedom of action and choice?
Well, but of course! Those damn liberals infringing on people’s JHVH-given right to be bigoted assholes, Obama’s taken over all the industries JUST LIKE IT SAYS in the Communist Manifesto, schools teaching kids “facts” and “science” instead of the Bible, they’ll be coming for your GUNS any day now, and they force us to get so-called “driver’s licenses” so they can TRACK OUR EVERY MOVEMENT.
Blurp blurp flibberty-floo snarfle mustard teleprompter porkulus OLIGARHY. Also.
That one took a couple of re-reads. Hank Williams Sr. salutes you.
I hear you can have some big fun with Onda bayons, sunuvagun.
You’ve got Gresham on my Godwin!
You’ve got Godwin on my Gresham!
Hey! We’re in a post-Godwin discussion-board now! That is, until Serious Intellectuals(tm) decide that the Godwinists are getting uppity. At that point we’ll talk about how nasty and reformable the Godwinists are.
“Hel-looo, it iss Der Snotzi Party mit Der Boogermeister Meisterbooger, snorken sie Honkensneezen achtung!”
May I just say this is my favorite part of the footnote, even though s’not funny.
You might even say I picked it out.
I prefer your free asssociation ramblings to McMegan’s – more humor, actual citations, logic, and a few good points. Oh, and not being a moronic, callous, asshole glibertarian helps, too.
What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists…
Teh House of Reps is a suicide pact!
Is it wrong that I kind of wish the whole conservative movement would Jim Jones itself?
You might even say I picked it out.
OH NO YOU D’INT!
(it does have that Blinkenlights appeal)
Have you lost any of your rights or liberty or constitutional freedom of action and choice?
I woke up today to find a Hessian musket regiment quartered in my living room. What is particularly disconcerting is that the officers’ horses had befouled the elevators and hallway to my front door.
I am wrong to laugh at this?
Tom Ridge: Straight to the remainder bin
Something tells me that Michelle is somewhat familiar with the contents of the remainder bin.
See: In Defense of Internment: The Case for ‘Racial Profiling’ in World War II and the War on Terror. If you can find it, that is. Anywhere.
Could someone explain the allure of David Sedaris to me, plz? His sister is awesome, sure, but everything I’ve read by him comes off as identical to what you overhear at every literary crowd party I’ve ever been to in Brooklyn. Oh, my family is quirky, wheeeee, I’m gay and rich and want to talk about that. Is it that he doesn’t have a threatening overabundance of talent, allowing his readers to think, “I could do this”?
Of course, I also don’t understand the, hopefully, now passing fad for memoirs, either. Why are we supposed to care about the summer some 50 something spent at Cape Cod when he was 12?
Yes, I am a philistine.
I prefer your free asssociation ramblings to McMegan’s
Beh. You can’t really compare MEEgan’s incontinent blarting to the sort of “let’s tickle the first-removed concepts around a thing until the figurey/groundy parts of the brain make the jokes go *pop* inside you head” artistry that makes Gavin Gavin. Not even the same sport.
Hey, now, exactly what is not fascinating about being gay and rich? I’m gay and rich! It’s the most fascinating thing in the world! How could anyone not want to read about that?
Not to beat a dead horse or anything
Is that the horse that wouldn’t drink the water I led him too? Leaving the barn door open was all part of the plan.
That was a horse of a different color.
I always get the horse before Descartes.
Out of the fire and into the deep fryer.
I dunno…how long do you think they sat in there until they realized it was a bad idea?
I am wrong to laugh at this?
I do not judge, I merely osberve that the incident it describes is archetypally California.
Or do I mean “stereotypically?”
Something tells me that Michelle is somewhat familiar with the contents of the remainder bin.
Malkin’s book was in remainder bins even before it was published.
Could someone explain the allure of David Sedaris to me, plz? His sister is awesome, sure, but everything I’ve read by him comes off as identical to what you overhear at every literary crowd party I’ve ever been to in Brooklyn.
Those of us who live nowhere near Brooklyn must do our overhearing via the printed word.
a different brad said,
Yeah, I’m a philistine with you. In addition to memoirs, I also don’t much care for coming-of-age stories. But then again, I don’t really like realism that much either as a literary genre. Surrealism, on the other tentacle, is great.
Those of us who live nowhere near Brooklyn must do our overhearing via the printed word.
If wou want the full Brooklyn effect, you could always read it in the bathroom with four or five other people in there, one of whom is drunk.
Surrealism, on the other tentacle, is great.
You, of course, mean “surrealism, on the other pumpkin, is a naked fish on the mantle pied with sweet green noise”.
Send me your manuscript. We’ll discuss publication.
If wou want the full Brooklyn effect, you could always read it in the bathroom with four or five other people in there, one of whom is drunk.
Do.
“surrealism, on the other pumpkin, is a naked fish on the mantle pied with sweet green noise”.
But is it colorless and sleeping furiously?
Not a big David Sedaris fan myself, but I did like when he channeled Billie Holiday to sing the Oscar Meyer bologna song.
to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing
So when is the first wrist-slitting blood brothers rally? Are sisters allowed? Will there be screening? Is Fox going to get behind this? Will a souvenir spur from the Reagan Library gift shop prove to be an excellent vein-opener?
OK I know I promised I’d stop, but:
Albert Arnold Gore==Groaned, “Ballot Err!”
P.S. Amy Sedaris has a brother?
Though I already commented – I confess I had not read the footnotes in detail. No tigers when you get off the boat on that side of the river. Just sweet lonely french plantation widows.
Someone needs to name a contemporary history of the Republican party “triumph of the won’t” – are you listening, Rick Perlstein?
In for a penny, in for a pound.
Unsuccessful Democratic Presidential candidates, WWII to date:
Win Genial Video-Nasties,
Hey! Hoorah! Brute Triumph
Groovy! Gentlemen’s Grace
Dear! Well-Informed Racket
Lucky Anathema Dislikes
Grander or to Bell Jar (with the “Jr. for consistency.) and,
Fry Jerk Hero Snob
But is it colorless and sleeping furiously?
Yeesh, goat majesty pickled brine pierced through the linoleum!
It’s so simple a vegetated cross could understand it.
It’s the pleasure den of the absurd!
I am wrong to laugh at this?
If you were to suggest they put Old Bay Seafood Seasoning in the hot tub you would be.
“Vegetated Crosses”, huh? Are those like the ones in the Hyperion and Endymion books? No want!
I’m confused, why would anyone want to simulate being at a Brooklyn lit crowd party? A friend of mine drags me to them occasionally, and it’s worse than middle school with the gossiping and cliques and pretend dramas. At least at hipster parties you can smoke a joint, and feel good about yourself for not wearing cut off jeans shorts like all the guys are lately.
Ew.
Not to beat a dead horse or anything
Is that the horse that wouldn’t drink the water I led him too? Leaving the barn door open was all part of the plan.
That was a horse of a different color.
I always get the horse before Descartes.
You can lead Descartes to water, but you can’t make him think.
A friend of mine drags me to them occasionally, and it’s worse than middle school with the gossiping and cliques and pretend dramas.
The cool kids never invite me anywhere…*sob*
Cut off jean shorts are the lederhosen of liberal fascism.
The fact is, liberals are fascists and rascists. They are all about giving unlimited power to Obama and his ACORN shock troupes of diversity. The bias for this is unbelievable, but it is the liberal media. And there are no avenuse for the other side’s perspective, wither fairness doctrine? Another sensorial power grab by eleite liberals of the Scold Coast, who want us all to recycle. Fie on them and foo on you. I’ve got freedom.
ACORN shock troupes of diversity
I smell a band name here!
to all gay and rich Sadlynaughts:
I am a liberal architect, waiting to design you the domicile of your dreams. Sustainable AND fabulous!!
I call shenanigianse
Hey you liberals,why do you want government deciding everything for you,is it because you are lazy and do not want to work?!? liberals always want to spongue off the talented and productive,witch is what socialest is. stop supporting Obama to marxist hard left liberal media bias machine!
personally, I find gay and rich clients IMMENSELY fascinating.
Troupes of diversity
Are they mimes? Is there a political message?
Or did he mean “Tropes of Diversity?”
Either way, I sense parody troll. Which may confuse me, for some reason.
wither fairness doctrine
Can we shoulder the responsibility?
the fact is, I would not design a trailer for Gary.
And great, now I want a spongue bath.
Are they mimes? Is there a political message?
That may be the kind of thing you see on your eleite avenuse in the city, but in the heartland, we love the troupes.
Parody troll is indistinguishable from real conservative comments.
Or
Conservative commenter is indistinguishable from parody trolls.
Oh. “Shock troupes.” Electrical unions. Sure.
Huh?
liberals always want to spongue off the talented and productive
I often spongue off myself, but I’d rather spongue off her, if you know what I mean…
charter member of the Christopher Lasch (1932-1994) Supper Club of Conservative Anti-Wingnuts
He couldn’t grow Friedman’s moustache,
Or refer to the left-wing as “Fasc-
ists”, so Minimal Self
Earned him no wingnut pelf,
The unfortunate Christopher Lasch.
Surrealism, on the other tentacle, is great.
If surrealism had been strted by furries, we could call it squirrealism.
sensorial power grab
Coupbaret Voltaire.
What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass.
Someone tell Mz Bokmon this joke and see if she gets it:
A Neocon comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man. He runs to the closet and gets out a pistol, which he points at his own head. The guy in bed starts to laugh.
The Neocon sez, “Don’t laugh, buddy. You’re next.”
the fact is, I would not design a trailer for Gary.
Not even with rotating knives on the conveyor belt that carries him along the abbatoir?
And that better be Kung Foo, sport, cause nothing weaker is gonna stick.
You can lead Descartes to water, but you can’t make him think.
Clearly he’s already thinking, if he is.
the fact is, I would not design a trailer for Gary.
Ahem.
A wood chipper is usually towed behind a truck into which its effluvia is expelled.
It trails behind the truck.
Just tell him it’s a necktie-cleaning device.
You can lead Descartes to water, but you can’t make him think.
Clearly he’s already thinking, if he is.
D’Oh!
“Are you proposing to slaughter the tenants?”
“Does that not fit in with your plans?”
the fact is, I would not design a trailer for Gary.
I would not, could not, for a truck
I would not, could not, for a dumbfuck
That’s all I can say, I can say no more
Please show Gary to the door
Speaking of whatever the hell we’re speaking of, here’s Joe Klein for you.
http://themedandvariations.blogspot.com/2009/09/joe-klein.html
oh, and: shock troupes — mimes — this shit is so good.
What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing.
Michelle Bachmann is sounding like a 14-year-old Gothling. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Also, tigrismus is on a roll. Or possibly a burger bun, with sesame.
The Footnote That Nearly Ate The Internets – stopped in the nick of time by our hero, the guy who wrote it in the first pl- HEEEEY, wait a minute!
Watt-Sammatta yuons
Such fiendish paronomasia elicited a rare & drastic response: I RWCOLed*.
—————-
*Roared With Chagrin Out Loud.
Remember how you felt on 9/12/01, connect with it, remember it, then you will know why we must save the county from the dark, black specter of Socialism.
And don’t forget the pale, white Specter of Pennsylvania.
Speaking of whatever the hell we’re speaking of, here’s Joe Klein for you.
!1111one!!!
~
is it because you are lazy and do not want to work?!?
Yep. Work sucks. The very idea is an insult. Work you fingers to the bone for 40 years and what do you get? Boney fingers.
Drunken/under-medicated troll or parody troll? The decision is yours, America!
Oh it is parody troll. Signals are provided by the helpful miss spellings.
I’m going to have to give “shock troupes of diversity” 9.6 bags of Cheetos™.
Oh noes!
Remember how you felt on 9/12/01, connect with it, remember it, then you will know why we must save the county from the dark, black specter of Socialism.
I remember shortly after September 11 getting into an argument with some flag-waving idiot who was ready to give up the Bill of Rights and then some as long as we got to bomb somebody so he could feel like a MAN again, so here’s me connecting with it: kiss my whole ass, you bug-fuck-crazy bet-wetting cowards.
to all gay and rich Sadlynaughts:
I am a liberal architect, waiting to design you the domicile of your dreams. Sustainable AND fabulous!!
And I am a liberal structural engineer, who will keep ZRM from killing you with a collapsing roof. Stylish AND gravity resistant!!!1!!!
Which counties should we save?
Seems to me the dry ones should be sent before the death panels first.
Remember how you felt on 9/12/01, connect with it, remember it, then you will know why we must save the county from the dark, black specter of Socialism.
What I remember from mid September 2001 was an outpouring of grief, followed by an outpouring of fellow-feeling by people desperate to do anything, anything to help the victims. I remember people lined up at the Red Cross to give blood, hoping they could help save somebody’s life. I remember emergency workers risking their lives to pull just one person out of the wreckage. I remember citizens of small town Newfoundland providing homes to American airline passengers stranded as a result of the attack. None of them expected anything in return.
Definitely nothing to do with socialism, there.
Lurking Canadian, that is CHARITY, not SOCIALISM.
Socialism requires government coercion and force. Of course if you weren’t living in your mommy’s basement and had graduated college you might understand that simple fact.
Definitely nothing to do with socialism, there.
I remember the day I was at the WTC site with a hundred other engineers to help the FDNY and someone had a Daily News with him and he read the quote from Pat Robertson about how god had abandoned the US because we didn’t persecute gays.
Enough. Because we didn’t persecute gays enough.
Remember how you felt on 9/12/01
The empty yawning void of nothingness, as I stared at the ceiling of my room that morning, dreading going to work and listening to a bunch of terrified imbeciles puff themselves up about how they were going to personally kick the shit out of the next towelhead they met, and realizing that I’d much rather go back to sleep, and dream a dream where I was a pirate with his choice of buxom wenches?
The fuck’s that going to help with defeating socialism?
and dream a dream where I was a pirate with his choice of buxom wenches?
Buxom monkey wenches?
Or, to put it another way.
For you, how you felt on 9/12 was the apex of your existence.
For me, it was fucking Wednesday.
Drs. Susan Dale and Stepan Missing’s Dale bosons and Missing persons
It is to “lerf”.
Buxom power winches. That’s what he meant, I’m sure.
Buxom monkey wenches?
True story, for three years, I always ended up singing
“Don’t want to be your monkey wench.”
I kind of felt let down by the actual ending of that lyric.
I kind of felt let down by the actual ending of that lyric.
I usually feel let down by the end of my pirate-and-busty-monkey dreams.
SO what you guys are saying is on 9/11 we were treating people like fellow human beings, instead of consumers or taxpayers, what with workers rushing to Ground Zero to help and shopkeepers handing out water.
Huh. Nope, wouldn’t want to encourage that, no sir. That way lies anarchy and socialism!
1) Treat people like fellow human beings
2) Workers rushing to Ground Zero
3) Shopkeepers handing out water
4) ???
5) No profit!
The happiest day of my life was when I was enveloped in pants-shitting terror and only the infallible, Jesus-like masturbatory fodder that was George W. Bush could save me.
Seems to me the dry ones should be sent before the death panels first.
Speaking on an anecdotal basis, I can tell you that the counties that were dry, or that had blue laws on the books, had the worst fucking alcoholics imaginable.
1) Treat people like fellow human beings
2) Workers rushing to Ground Zero
3) Shopkeepers handing out water
4) ???
5) No profit!
6) Larry Silverstein sues his insurance companies.
7) The triumph of capitalism!
Oh, my family is quirky, wheeeee, I’m gay and rich and want to talk about that.
Poor families are all alike; every wealthy family is wealthy in its own way.
Guess what, libs? We’re gonna kick your asses with [ultimately fruitless initiative]! We’ve had it with your [system of government I can’t define but has scary associations]! For real this time! And then you’ll be sorry you [fictional event]! [Sex-related verb] it, libs!
I usually feel let down by the end of my pirate-and-busty-monkey dreams.
You wouldn’t believe what I have to wear at work.
Obamacare is as dead as I am.
ESKIMO POWAAAH!
“Oh yeah? Well, a 77-year-old with cancer is DEAD!” is quite literally all I have left. I should be pitied, really.
N__B’s Monkey Butler said,
You wouldn’t believe what I have to wear at work.
You’re the one who suggested the corset. Is it my fault you can’t untie the knots yourself?
I also remember on 9/12 it was the worst thing ever in the world to criticize the Preznit or America.
Funny how that stopped, oh, ‘long about this past November.
I’m trying to watch Glenn Beck, for the first time.
Is his entire camera crew always drunk?
The camera is always slowly moving and or zooming in or out.
Is it some kind of cheap hypnosis?
I almost want to go down to DC on 9/12 just to soak in the crazy.
But I don’t have any kevlar.
Given the July 4th Teabaggings had about forty-five attendees, brad, you may have to lie down to soak in anything. And thus, you’ll finally understand how Rush Limbaugh feels.
PENIS.
Troofie, we let you fuckers spazz out all during August just to show everybody how fucking stupid and crazy you are. When Congress gets back in session, we’re going to pass Medicare for everybody. Even you. Then you can get the medication you need so badly. Muah-ha-ha-ha-hah!
I’m starting to think Troofie is a deep-undercover liberal, given his uncanny power of making things happen by predicting the opposite.
I’m dead, too. We lost, libs.
Belated snark: Megan McArdle’s theme song
Gold-selling SF wrasslin’ movie insanity
Twoofie (aka NAUSEATE CENTURY HOTCHPOT) dressing for work
Nothing is happening with me. I’m dead.
Then shut the fuck up.
Wow. I’m not going to DC. Glenn Beck is going on about forced vaccinations, now. People who like him are not people to be anywhere near, ever. He’s honestly worse than I thought.
And he’s really mad at Van Jones for taking away all his advertisers, so mad he was talking about his kid today.
I’m actually surprised even Fox would air this.
I will never happen in the USA. I suggest you all move to a real Socialist country if you want Socialism. The American people don’t want Socialism.
Who’d we vote for again?
Then shut the fuck up.
I can loan you a monkey butler if you need help cleaning turds off your carpet and/or computer screen.
I also remember on 9/12 it was the worst thing ever in the world to criticize the Preznit or America.
Funny how that stopped, oh, ‘long about this past November.
That was before the “dark, black specter of Socialism” was elected, duh.
We didn’t vote for this kind of Socialist “change”. Hopey put one over on Whitey.
Goddamn, a 5000 fingers link! WOOHOO!
We voted for the winner despite him being constantly called a socialist by douchebags like you. Why do you think we’re stupid, Troofie? Maybe you should go live in EUROPE.
The false equivalent here is actually that anything recently proposed by the current congress or administration even vaguely resembles communism (which is probably the bugaboo the Right really wants to equate with their current enemies, it having been so thoroughly discredited in the last few decades). As most informed people know, the best definition of communism is, in the words of one of its intellectual fathers, “the abolition of all private property”. As for socialism, which is defined as a political theory in which the state has complete ownership and control of all industry, none of the healthcare proposals currently being discussed suggests anything of the sort. While a public option resembles systems set up in some countries with strong Democratic Socialist tendencies- bearing in mind, of course, that Democratic Socialism does not, in fact, advocate the complete takeover of industry in most cases, depending on country and party- it is not in and of itself socialist in any reasonable application of the term, since it is set up as another competing force in a free market.
Incidentally, personal insults are the first defense of an intellectually impoverished argument. Having said this, however, I do wonder how someone would have managed to get through college without at least a passing familiarity with the terms above. Perhaps Mr. 9/11 is familiar with them, and is just being intellectually dishonest, or perhaps political discussion is just so much rah-rah “my team or no team” jingoism to him? I cannot, given the tone and character of his posts, bring myself to get through enough of them to divine which it might be.
In any case, I do not recommend further engaging him. As Mr. Heinlein said, “it wastes your time, and it annoys the pig”.
Thank you for your time, and kind attention.
CS
I’m actually surprised even Fox would air this.
FAUX is the right side of the Overton window. The farther they go, the more money Murdoch makes.
And the easier it is for that lefty liberal hippie network, NBC (the one that’s owned by the largest defense contractor in the nation), to catch the vapors, hike its skirts, and do (yet again, as usual, some more, also) what’s best for the largest defense contractor in the nation.
Freedom from Choice!
~
Incidentally, personal insults are the first defense of an intellectually impoverished argument.
True, but they are often great fun. On another topic, would you like a slightly used, gender-confused monkey butler?
Remember how you felt on 9/12/01, connect with it, remember it, then you will know why we must save the county from the dark, black specter of Socialism.
On 9/12/01 I was hung over like a motherfucker. I never, ever want to remember that feeling.
Remember how you felt on 9/12/01
Yeah. Appalled that we were having to face an actual crisis with a chimp at the helm and enraged that that Lee Greenwood piece of shit had been broken out, dusted off, and was being played every 20 fucking minutes on radio and TV.
Goddamn, a 5000 fingers link! WOOHOO!
I knew someone here would appreciate that.
And this:
FIRST FLOOR DUN-GEON!
Incidentally, personal insults are the first defense of an intellectually impoverished argument.
Honestly, despite years of having this drummed into my head by high-minded authorities (along with the idea that swearing is the sign of an intellectually impoverished vocabulary), I’m not quite sure I accept it.
To my mind, the first defense of a pisspoor argument is violence, or at the very least the threat of violence.
Insults are good fun, as Guybrush Threepwood would attest to.
Socialism requires government coercion and force.
That explains all those European countries living under an iron heavy oppressive thing. I always wondered. Thank heavens in our capitalist nation we don’t employ any coercion or force. Heck, we hardly employ anything, these days. Also.
And Eskimo penis, or as the kids say, “do it if you’re Inuit.”
If only you ginchy keensters here on Sadly could kill people with your telepathic mind powers instead of prick-tickling around on some extremely funny web site, we might get somewhere in this country.
Remember how you felt
on 9/12/01being toilet trained, connect with it, remember it, then you will know why we must save the county from the dark, black specter ofSocialismMom.whisked
To my mind, the first defense of a pisspoor argument is violence, or at the very least the threat of violence.
Particularly on the internet, where we’re physically separated. “Let’s see you fly two thousand miles and say that to my face. I”LL KICK YOUR ASS!”
Here is Sedaris doing Billie Holliday, as mentioned above. Audio and video aren’t well synched, but you can get the idea.
Personally, I like Sedaris. He did a reading at Symphony Hall once, and signed books afterward, and was gracious and kind and chatted everyone up all the way to the back of a horrendously long line (I should know, I was at the very back). I give him mad credit for that.
OK, enough of me. I’ll go back to false labor now. The rest of you think good non-childbirthy thoughts for me, ok?
Do Not Give Birth!! (Right now.)
Thinking hard.
The rest of you think good non-childbirthy thoughts for me, ok?
Is this like that “don’t think of pink elephants” trick?
I’m picturing a little Dutch boy with his thumb out…
You had insults? And you call yourself “intellectually impoverished”?!
We were so intellectually impoverished, we had to get up three hours before dawn, walk all the way to the graveyard in bare feet, and scrape epitaphs off the gravestones, so we could take them to school and pretend they were epithets.
In Europe, people are forced at the point of a gun to hand over 80% of their income at the point of a gun if they are part of a certain demographic.
In the USA, its about half their (all local, state, federal taxes and fees) income. Not as tyrannical as Europe, but still much too much,
OK, first we use our vaaahst mental powers to keep the baby in, THEN we think Cheney to death. Or Scalia? DAMMIT.
We LOLed at this post and are grateful for it and now we demand to see the gift registry for Studebaker. Long form, vault copy.
most Europeans, consequently, prefer to remain uncertain.
Yes, yes, Troofie, it’s TYRANNY. Because you’re RICH. And EMPLOYED. And PAY TAXES IN THE FIRST PLACE. WAAAAAAH.
Why should those who are successful and productive be forced at the point of a gun to give to those who are less productive and less successful? Isn’t liberalism simply the immoral belief that the winners in society should be forced by the government to subsidize the losers in society? Shouldn’t the winners instead get to keep what they produce and earn (beyond what is required to fund a police force, courts system, national defense, and basic infrastructure such as roads)?
Pere Ubu, last time TCM showed Dr T, they were doing all Hans Conried films. They showed “The Twonky,” which if you haven’t seen you might enjoy.
Yes, civilization is expensive. You could always go live in a cave.
Why should straw man? Isn’t straw man straw man? Shouldn’t straw man straw man straw man?
The rest of you think good non-childbirthy thoughts for me, ok?
Have I related the story of how the Frau Doktorin went into labour while we were watching ‘Riget’ during a film festival? I talked her into staying until the end (not telling her that it’s a 5-½ hour movie). Then she had to stay for another 20 minutes, because friends were coming up to say hello and so on, and she was too embarrassed to get up and show the wet seat.*
Fifth row back from the front of the Paramount, two seats in from the left-hand aisle — you might want to think twice about sitting there, is all I’m saying.
I must tell that story some time.
* Waters had burst right at the end, during the birth-of-mutant-baby-with-Udo-Kier’s-Head scene
TurboTax turns shoots bullets out of the USB port if you don’t file.
Shouldn’t the winners instead get to keep what they produce and earn
no
Oh yeah, wouldn’t it be great if we had that half (much too high an estimate, but oh well) of our income instead? We could spend 168 hours every day seeking out the best deal for all the 10,000,000 services that the private sector provides us now, picking out the cheapest of hundreds of firms on offer in each area. I’m sure “Joe’s Fire Department” would come through like gangbusters for us.
And if the country’s ever invaded, why all we have to do is go “WOLVERINES!!!!” on their asses and that’ll show ’em, I tell you whut!
Also, guns do not have points. If it does, it’s probably a sharpened stick which someone has sold you by taking advantage of your gullibility.
The winners shouldn’t get to keep what they earn, kc? Are you a bit jealous that you are a loser in society instead of a winner? That’s about 90% of being a liberal.
We LOLed at this post and are grateful for it and now we demand to see the gift registry for Studebaker. Long form, vault copy.
Here’s one, and here’s another. I can’t promise that items purchased from these lists won’t be shipped to a secret location in Kenya. I’m just sayin’.
Anyway, we didn’t go too nuts with them. If only Ikea would do registries, we’d probably have a huge list. And Gav would be the happiest man alive.
Isn’t liberalism simply the immoral belief that the winners in society should be forced by the government to subsidize the losers in society?
Existence isn’t actually a fucking game, you twit.
The other 10%, of course, think they can become winners by leading mobs of the losers (this describes Teddy Kennedy)..
Bayonets have points. They’d also make biathlon even MORE awesome.
Are you a bit jealous that you are a loser in society instead of a winner?
no
We don’t want none of that thar Obammycare!
Pere Ubu, last time TCM showed Dr T, they were doing all Hans Conried films. They showed “The Twonky,” which if you haven’t seen you might enjoy.
Looks like I picked the wrong year to give up cable TV.
Faugh.
Okay, time to bite the bullet and see if Netflix has it. *sigh* That and “Last Days of Man On Planet Earth”, and “Dopemania”.
The worst team in the Major Leagues would be awarded the World Series title, since that would be “fair” and they are “disadvantaged” because they had bad players.
That’s about 90% of being a liberal
While about 90% of being a conservative is being so fucking stupid that you’ll insist that a guy who sits in an office and swaps pieces of paper is producing something of more value than a guy who grows food.
Certain people are “winners” in society because they’re the ones in a position to make the rules, not because they are more productive or do something of more value than others. This applies to the majority of “winners” in society, most of whom worked really hard to be born into the right family.
In Europe, people are forced at the point of a gun to hand over 80% of their income at the point of a gun
Care to back that up with evidence?
No?
Didn’t think so.
Grow up, you assclown.
The worst team in the Major Leagues would be awarded the World Series title
Yet somehow, the Cubs still wouldn’t win.
Libruls would ruin baseball!
This sounds like some bitching you would hear from one of the losers in society.
I’m sure the Detroit Tigers feel the same way about baseball, Jennifer.
Bayonets have points.
This is central to my gun-point.
In New Zealand, we are taxed at the barrel of a sword, because we are easily confused.
very boring troll
This sounds like some bitching you would hear from one of the losers in society.
Unless you’re in the top 5%, you’re one of the losers too. You get to do whatever the really rich people want you to do like the rest of us.
Jenna Bush has a job on national TV. I rest my case.
Rather than get a fucking job, I spend all day trolling liberal humor blogs, sometimes with megalomaniacal names like “The Truth” or “The 9/12 Uprising”, sometimes by nymjacking, since I’m a fucking pussy.
I usually feel let down by the end of my pirate-and-busty-monkey dreams.
You know, I respect N__B, from what our ripostes, but really, is this the man you want responsible for the non-collapsey parts of your buildings?
Monkey butter?
Speaking of wolverines, apparently they’re remaking Red Dawn, with hints that the US did something to perhaps deserve invasion by the red Chinese and the same character names but with asian and black people playing some of them.
I hope they make the downed pilot a lesbian, too.
The whining about it is going to be epic.
You know, I respect N__B, from what our ripostes, but really, is this the man you want responsible for the non-collapsey parts of your buildings?
Not only does it take a tough man to make a tender chicken, it takes a load of pirate-and-monkey dreams to make finite-element analysis seem interesting.
@brad: Look up Beck’s meltdown when he found out G.I. Toy Commercial had been diversified. It was hilarious.
@brad: Look up Beck’s meltdown when he found out G.I. Toy Commercial had been diversified. It was hilarious.
I’m not sure anything could top his smashing of the OLIGARHY.
If only Ikea would do registries, we’d probably have a huge list. And Gav would be the happiest man alive.
Not if he had a shitload of Ikea stuff to put together.
You need heroin and Ecstacy and whatever the hell Troofy is mainlining…
his smashing of the OLIGARHY.
Followed by his smearing it in a skillet and frying some eggs?
Except the eggs were made of alcohol. The skillet too.
Not only does it take a tough man to make a tender chicken, it takes a load of pirate-and-monkey dreams to make finite-element analysis seem interesting..
I stand correctemed. You are a man among tender monkeys.
Not if he had a shitload of Ikea stuff to put together.
Oh no, he loves that. I’m surprised he never sought work as an Ikea product putter-togetherer.
Hey, Troofie:
We live in a fucking society! Have for millions of years. You fancy yourself the lone predator type, go live with the leopards. I’m sure they won’t eat you.
Seriously, this “winner/loser” Randian mentality torques me off. Where’s the fucking scoreboard? Show me the goddamn official rulebook, not the cobbled-together house-rules everyone’s been working with for the past 10,000 years.
There’s no goddamn ‘win’ condition, you dick-nosed fuckwit. You’re going to die same as the rest of us, and all that shit you collected isn’t going with you. In fact, it’s probably going to get sold off as worthless clutter by people who don’t even care who you were.
So show me the win there.
Pere Ubu, not sure if Twonky would warrant any actual effort on your part. It was fun, but silly fun, and not terribly well-acted.
Ikea product putter-togetherer.
It sounds even more awkward in the original Scandaweiggian.
Oh no, he loves that.
I think you still need to adjust his meds a bit. Cuz that’s NOT RIGHT.
I think you still need to adjust his meds a bit. Cuz that’s NOT RIGHT.
My husband wishes to inform you that it’s just like playing with Legos, and he’s not sure what your problem is with that.
he’s not sure what your problem is with that.
Possibly ZRM is merely protecting his profession.
Maybe Zombie was always disappointed to find upon cracking them open that their leetle stud-crowned plastic heads were brainless?
Maybe Zombie was always disappointed to find upon cracking them open that their leetle stud-crowned plastic heads were brainless?
Par for the course in an architect’s work life.
Remember how you felt on 9/12/01, connect with it, remember it, then you will know why we must save the county from the dark, black specter of Socialism.
For me this would be connecting with and remembering a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and a realization that this country was about to get REALLY stupid.
I wish trolls weren’t so needy. A real, proper opponent — somebody that had something to say and meant it, and could offer facts and counterarguments — would be fresh, exciting, and fun. But these dipnuts are dull, predictable, and only in it for the attention. Like my ex-father-in-law. And HE DIED! Think a small amount about that, non-libs!
OT: ZRM’s love life: http://xkcd.com/348/
xkcd is objectively anti-monkey-butlerist.
The worst team in the Major Leagues would be awarded the World Series title, since that would be “fair” and they are “disadvantaged” because they had bad players.
It’s funny you mention baseball. The MLB actually instituted a profit sharing program in 1997 so that the rich teams from big cities (full of liberals and faggots) pay money to the poor teams from small markets with real Americans who hate socialism so they can compete.
Also baseball has a legal monopoly. So maybe holding them up as your bastion of social darwinism isn’t such a great idea. Who knew Bud Selig was a pinko?
xkcd is objectively anti-monkey-butlerist.
Even monkey butlers wearing corsets?
Teh Baseball haz been socialized by the nazi-commies.
Now we only have the health insurance cartel to represent AMERICA™³³³!
Will the lieberals stoop at nothing?
Wolverines!
~
The Monkey-Butlerian Jihad makes no exceptions for corsets.
Uh, maybe you meant Arte Johnson???
Troofie’s just phoning it in again. Yeesh.
Off-Topic (& damned if I know what topic this wouldn’t be “Off-“):
Looks like someone (or something) out there finally divided by zero.
I can’t be the only one who’s imagined the drain. Guess we know where Cosmic Down points.
Are you a bit jealous that you are a loser in society instead of a winner? That’s about 90% of being a liberal.
Um – hello? Can I just point out to you that you’re the one who’s spending your days and nights trolling a liberal humor blog with your oh-so-earnest protestations that you’re a “winner”?
Hilarious, really.
Remember how you felt on 9/12/01, connect with it, remember it, then you will know why we must save the county[sic] from the dark, black specter of Socialism.
Except for the fact that Socialism had fucking nothing whatsoever to do with the terrorist attacks.
Oh, and I like the fact that you got the “dark, black” thing in there. KLASSY!
So being slow, and old, and late, and not having read the comments, still I say: FUCKING EPIC in the older sense of having Ep. Hic.
And also: Jeeze, man, are you okay?
God fucking damn it, that was me just there. This computer switching thing takes its toll.
My husband wishes to inform you that it’s just like playing with Legos, and he’s not sure what your problem is with that.
Legos are the building blocks of trademark fascism!
As soon as I read that Gavin liked putting Ikea stuff together, I immediately thought of Legos.
Legos- In the beginning, there was the block, and the block was plastic.
Did anyone ever take those alerts seriously in the first place? I mean, who even remembers anymore when they were supposed to be red or orange or puce or eggshell white or whatever the fuck?
When the NY Metro area was in permanent “Orange” status, an announcement was made, indicating that the terror level was being raised due to reports of a credible threat. When the official was subsequently asked if the terror level was to be raised to “Red”, he replied that it was to be raised to “Orange Plus”. Orange Plus? WTF? Does it have a splash of cranberry in it?
I am wrong to laugh at this?
If you were to suggest they put Old Bay Seafood Seasoning in the hot tub you would be.
Maybe they thought they could imitate Baba Yaga and fly to safety in it.
Brilliant. Pynchon meets Dr. Seuss. Or something.
fucking pelicans
As Stanislaw Lem would say, “Prosit.”
A screaming comes across the Lorax.
A screaming comes across the Lorax.
Use more Crisco next time.
liberals always want to spongue off the talented and productive,witch is what socialest is
I’ll spongue off any consenting adult, provided they’re washed in advance. And are the socialest with the mostialest.
And Dr Mrs: along with N_B and his thumb-wielding Dutch boy, I’ll be down here sending antipodean rays of WaitABit. I’ve got a lifetime’s experience of not giving birth, so I’m happy to help out.
My husband wishes to inform you that it’s just like playing with Legos, and he’s not sure what your problem is with that.
Ah, the Lego block wall of tyranny. There it is, right there.
Repress my toast, libs!
Ah, the Lego block wall of tyranny. There it is, right there.
All in all, Stude’s just another Lego in the wall.
Ah, the Lego block wall of tyranny. There it is, right there.
The Welfare-State Oligarhy (sic, or since we’re alluding to Beck, sick) of Denmark is built with the Lego blocks of Socialism and Tyranny.
Are you a bit jealous that you are a loser in society instead of a winner? That’s about 90% of being a liberal.
“Advocates of capitalism are very apt to appeal to the sacred principles of liberty, which are embodied in one maxim: The fortunate must not be restrained in the exercise of tyranny over the unfortunate.” — Bertrand Russell
Just read that quote Looch provided. Liberals hate freedom and liberty, they hate it.
Liberals hate freedom and liberty, they hate it.
You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.
Since when does “liberty” mean “pay half your income in taxes to all levels of government, be regulated out of business, and dutifully do what the Nanny State tells you to”, Inigo?
Seriously, can we get some better trolls, please?
1. If that wasn’t the single greatest footnote evar written, I dunno what is.
2. “They” did expect this day, when someone inside the circle would reveal that there was all sorts of ridiculous political shit going on at the expense of national security. Just like “they” expected the Duelfer report to prove the lie about WMDs. When’s the last time you heard about the Duelfer report? I expect that, by year’s end, Tom Ridge will be back in the conservative good books, and no one outside the angry dirty hippies will give a shit about Orange alerts.
3. There’s a huge difference between Lego and Ikea. Example, if you combine half a Billy bookcase and half a Bjürsta dining room table you do not end up Darth Vader wearing a pirate hat or Fire Truck with legs and a giant rocket engine.
4. Like JA, I am also an expert on not giving birth, unfortunately the only advice I have on the topic (“be born without a uterus”) might be a wee bit late.
5. ???
6. PENIS.
Taxes are the price we pay for a civilized society.
Trolls are the price we pay for underfunding education.
In fables, trolls demanded payment if you wished to cross the bridge they lived under. Isn’t there some sort of test ( non-drool, fog mirror, that sort of thing) that the trolls should now have to pass now in order to hang around?
“The Sadly No! Nanny State Lego Block Wall of Tyranny.”
Nice beat, and you can dance to it.
Oooorr…what Jennifer said.
well, there you go, Oliver. Wingnuts don’t want a civilized society, they want one where they can steal from everybody else. Or at least their Corporate Lords and Masters can steal from everyone else.
Lego walls are structurally untenable.
Or at least their Corporate Lords and Masters can steal from everyone else.
That prompts an image of an iconic Igor cavorting in a laboratory (that’s pronounced “la-BOR-at-tory”), arms hanging down, swaying pendulum-like, saying, “Yes, Master, YES!”
All we need for “civilization” is a police force, a military, a courts system, and basic infrastructure like roads. Anything else the government does is tyranny and/or waste.
And the welfare I get, obviously.
I don’t suck off any government tit, nor do I suck off mommy’s tit, unlike the libs here who probably do one or the other.
All we need for “civilization” is a police force, a military, a courts system, and basic infrastructure like roads.
So you’re OK with your sewage backing up onto your lawn or your house burning down or breathing your neighbors leaves when he burns them or buying spoiled milk or meat or planes crashing on your head or losing access to the Internet or…?
Troofie?
You’re a fucking idiot.
No fire departments? No ambulances? No hospitals?
Er, what actor said…
I should really get a job.
Blah blah blah…yeah, American businesses would thrive in a non-tyrannical society that saw no need to educate its young, what with uneducated employees who can’t file in alphabetical order or read simple instructions. I’d love to see the advanced society you’d build with your nation of Morlocks.
Since when does “liberty” mean “pay half your income in taxes to all levels of government, be regulated out of business, and dutifully do what the Nanny State tells you to”, Inigo?
Y’know, the European Union seems to be pretty free…hell, it’s economy is even bigger than ours and growing faster, too!
All those things would be taken care of by the private sector if the government got out of the way. Where I live they already privatized the garbage pickup service and its very effective, they should do the same with sewers and perhaps fire departments in the smaller towns.
T-bird, nice add with the hospital thing, tho…I missed that.
Which of course, implies government-provided healthcare.
Which means we shouldn’t even be debating this with a low-normal neocon like Troofie.
Troofie’s ideal society doesn’t include any education? Color me nine different shades of pants-shittingly surprised.
I just admitted I live in a dumpster.
All those things would be taken care of by the private sector if the government got out of the way.
You mean like they were in the 150 years before the New Deal?
You mean like how Chicago burned to the ground because they didn’t have a muni fire department?
You mean how like the entire early 20th Century saw men and women dying in their 30s because of poor sanitation provided by private companies?
History did not start twenty minutes before you were born, shithead.
Private education, run by for-profit corporations, private charities, churches, and other societal institutions that don’t rely on stealing money at the point of a gun.
All those things would be taken care of by the private sector if the government got out of the way.
Something tells me you’re unfamiliar with the history of government-funded fire departments, and how they came into being in the first place.
Troofie’s idea of liberty includes old people dying in the streets, buggies being drawn by horses as people travelled weeks to get from one side of the state to the other, and women being raped by passing strang–
Oh wait, that still happens, mostly because Troofie drinks a little too much.
Okay, Troofie, now you’re just in it for the laughs.
If one company does a poor job of providing a service, another one will step in.
I love how liberals pretend everybody was dying before the nanny state. If that was true, how the hell did our grandparents live long enough to reproduce? Idiots.
Government run fire departments would be necessary in the big cities, but not in small towns or even small cities where volunteer and private fire services would suffice.
Yo, Non-Fogging Liberty Boy, you might want to rethink the inclusion of “courts” in you widdle wist.
See, if in your Liberty World, you decide the best way to Profits! is to open a tire- incineration facility in the backyard of your suburban ranch enclave, your neighbors might attempt to curtail your liberties by suing you into the poorhouse for covering their homes (and children, etc) with black, greasy, toxic smoke.
Yes, yes, you have an answer. You’ll just burn them in the basement!
Tricksy, you are.
Well, your grandparents got a few slugs in ’em and decided your mother wasn’t half bad. I’m not sure beyond that.
that don’t rely on stealing money at the point of a gun.
I wasn’t aware that my 1040 filing package was supposed to include a free gun. I’ve been getting gipped by the IRS for years!
If one company does a poor job of providing a service, another one will step in.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right, because politicians can’t be corrupted into awarding guaranteed contracts to low-ball bidders, like Halliburton.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!
fire departments in the smaller towns.
Is your house burning down? Call Joe’s Fire Department at 555-BURN!
/cheesy radio announcer voice
Honestly, Troofie, the sooner you’re admit a selfish jerk, the better off we’ll all be.
Troofie is like me, only I’m thinner and better-dressed.
What part of articles of incorporation and government-run/subsidized legal, energy, transportation, technological, and educational infrastructures suggests that your piss-ant business even exists without the “nanny state” you say you hate so much. Quit trying to hide your greed behind 18th-century dogma.
3. There’s a huge difference between Lego and Ikea. Example, if you combine half a Billy bookcase and half a Bjürsta dining room table you do not end up Darth Vader wearing a pirate hat or Fire Truck with legs and a giant rocket engine.
{looks around at the kits spread out over the living room}
Crap. I hope I can find the receipts.
What do you think happens if you refuse to pay your taxes, Jennifer?
Go ask the couple in New Hampshire who did just that. They were surrounded by government goons and SWAT Teams and dragged out of their homes at the literal point of a gun. Government=violence.
Government run fire departments would be necessary in the big cities
Equal rights, Troofie. If you give it to cities, you give it to the rural towns too, or run the massive risk of being sued by the states of Wyoming, Montana and Utah.
You know, heartland states that stand in the way of nearly every progressive measure ever enacted.
Why do you hate America and freedom so?
If one company does a poor job of providing a service, another one will step in.
And this explains the market dominance of Microsoft how, exactly?
“Government=violence.”
Unless it’s good violence, like liberating the shit out of 61,000 accidentally-dead Iraqi civilians.
Go ask the couple in New Hampshire who did just that.
you mean the couple that refused to pay taxes because they didn’t want to fund an unjust war?
But Troofie. You just said that was a legitimate function of government!
Another argument for limiting the size and scope of government. The smaller the government, the less damage government corruption can do.
Apple has been posting big gains in market share, as has Linux.
Then why do you worship at the altar of the Bush administration? Oh, right, because they use Teh Big Gummint to kill Moozlums.
Answer this–if taxes are so necessary, wouldn’t people be paying them voluntarily without an implied threat of force?
Life Expectancy:
Early 20th Century 30-40
2005 77.7
Errrrrrrrrr, Troofie, looks like Gramma and Grandpa lived JUST long enough to reproduce…pity, in your case….
Go ask the couple in New Hampshire who did just that.
Gosh, you mean someone got arrested for breaking the law? I’m shocked, SHOCKED I tell you. You seem to be more upset by the fact that the officers were armed than anything else. Maybe the solution is to take the guns away from the police.
The sad thing is that Troofie probably thinks he’s part of that top 5%, but in reality is being played like a fiddle by the corporate masters he idolizes so much but would shoot him at the drop of a hat if it meant they could make an extra buck.
Answer this–if taxes are so necessary, wouldn’t people be paying them voluntarily without an implied threat of force?
Apple has been posting big gains in market share
of the PC market, Apple currently holds a 6% share, up from five percent ten years ago.
You ain’t too bright, are you, Troofie?
Why doesn’t Troofie want us to get a salary? It’s not our fault he’s got an old pinkie injury that prevents him from joining.
Answer this–if taxes are so necessary, wouldn’t people be paying them voluntarily without an implied threat of force?
You mean every driver on the planet obeys the speed limit naturally?
No one ever steals anything?
Wow. Can I live in your world?
Longer life expectancy brought to you by innovative technologies and health care procedures from private corporations. Why don’t you compare the life expectancy in the Soviet Union to the United States in 1990?
Apple has been posting big gains in market share, as has Linux.
http://marketshare.hitslink.com/os-market-share.aspx?qprid=9
FAIL!
Longer life expectancy brought to you by innovative technologies and health care procedures from private corporations.
Actually, no.
Life expectancy was brought to you by Social Security and Medicare, since most of those gains came in the past forty years.
Anyway the market (driven by consumers) has pronounced Microsoft a winner, you can whine all you want, but the vast majority of consumers prefer windows to macs.
How the fuck do you think people get money for research? Do you think they fucking sell lemonade, you dumb shit?
Nobody forces anyone at the point of a gun to buy a PC over a Mac, do they?
Nobody forces anyone at the point of a gun to buy a PC over a Mac, do they?
No, but what does that have to do with life expectancy, weasel?
Imagine if Bill Gates had his own personal security service that was funded by money forcefully taken from your paychecks, that forced you to buy Windows Vista or be sent to prison. That’s just like what the government does.
I love to talk about guns. It makes my dick feel bigger. Most wingnuts accomplish this by buying one, but I’m unemployed, so this is what I’m left with.
You don’t want to pay taxes, Troofie? Then by all means, go Galt. Quit your job, move to the middle of nowhere, and try to survive on your own. Your corporate masters will find another automaton to fill your spot. I’d set the over/under on your life at 3 months.
I’ve already told you the solution for all your petty concerns: go live in a cave.
The rest of us will stay here and enjoy the civilization we and our ancestors have spent the past 4,000 years building.
I’d set the over/under on your life at 3 months.
That’s a lot of Cheetos. One month, tops.
Now I know why libs buy Macs. Microsoft is a winner in society, and libs hate winners.
Imagine if Bill Gates had his own personal security service that was funded by money forcefully taken from your paychecks, that forced you to buy Windows Vista or be sent to prison. That’s just like what the government does.
Hey, if Gates freed me from paying for health insurance to a bunch of corporatists who paid themselves bonuses everytime someone died, gave my child free college, gave me a stipend when I get old that allows me to live comfortably and put out fires at my house, too, I’d be fine with that!
Shorter Troofie: I want all the benefits of a Liberal Democracy but I don’t want to have to pay anything for it.
Now I know why libs buy Macs.
We believe in intelligence and fuctional design, yes.
Microsoft is an example of what was pointed out to you earlier, which you are too stupid to grasp: they are a “winner” because they’re big enough and powerful enough that they get to write the rules. They don’t have to actually compete since they dominate so much of the market. This is why, for example, Windows XP finally achieved the level of sophistication and utility that MacIntosh offered in 1990. And it only took them 15 years!
Yet consumers choose windows, and the libs want the government to “correct” that.
Hey Troofie! Two words for ya!
Yet consumers choose windows, and the libs want the government to “correct” that.
Really?
Cuz you know, Obama has a Zune, but Bush had an Powerbook…
How did they get big and powerful, Jennifer? By having a superior corporate strategy and better marketed/distributed product, that’s how. Consumers could make Mac #1 in market share tomorrow if they chose to, but they don’t, because they like windows.
And Bill Gates is on our side when it comes to responsible wealth and tax fairness…
Bill Gates is a Republican.
Toyota, Honda, and Nissan are also winners in their market, so what do libs do? Get the government the prop up the losers (GM, Chrysler).
Bill Gates a Republican?
Ahem!
It says he donated to John McCain and George W. Bush, idiot.
It says he donated more to Democrats than Republicans, asshole.
Of course he donates to Democrats too to “hedge his bets” so they don’t go on another witch hunt for Microsoft like Reno did.
“Consumers”, at least end consumers like us, didn’t choose Microsoft so much as they had it thrust upon them by computer manufacturers who were given sweetheart deals by Microsoft to install their software, and their software only. Which lead to Microsoft losing an anti-trust suit back around 2000, one which even Robert Bork agreed they should have lost. What happened, you ask? Your pal George W. Bush decided that regulations protecting consumers and the market are not a good idea and that monopolies should be encouraged, even when they are convicted of market manipulation, and he forced DoJ to drop the suit – after it had already been won.
But then again, you already know this – you’re just engaging in your usual ritual of pulling shit out of your ass and throwing it against the wall to see what, if anything, will stick. Thus far, the wall is clean but your hands are covered in pooh.
Somalia is the ideal, I gather.
Thrust on them? Consumers can choose a Mac whenever they want to!
Of course he donates to Democrats too to “hedge his bets”
And yet, his first donations were to Barack Obama in January, long before he was taken seriously as a Presidential candidate….
The media always pronounced it was an Obama vs. Hillary race, actor.
In January, Edwards was the man who was going to knock Clinton off, if anyone did.
Boy are you stoopid!
Bullshit, the Breck Girl was never taken seriously. He was a distant third also-ran at best, from the beginning. Too bad you didn’t nominate the Breck Girl, though, we’d have McCain/Palin in office today.
You may be right about that…a McCain/Palin presidency would have made things so infinitely worse that by the end of it, the majority of you teabaggers would have been protesting in demand of full-on socialism.
Actor: It would be nice to see the dystopian version of Joe’s day as a nice lesson in possibilities.
You know, Joe has to pay exorbitant fees for bottled water from the local water monopoly because the tap water causes dysentery, he has to be extra careful driving so no one rear-ends his car causing it to explode, he spits out the accumulated crud he breathed in all night, he is forced to take an un-announced pay cut and work weekends indefinitely, that sort of thing.
Nice bloggity thing-a-ma-bob, too.
Bill Gates a Republican
From the memory hole. And then one decade later.
Sure Bill Gates is a capitalist, but he’s a socialist one.
No, Jennifer, sadly, they would have succeeded in running everyone else out of the meth-infested, polluted, falling-infrastructure mess that would have been the RSA.
We all would have moved to Mexico and sent all the natives there packign north 😉
actor212 is correct. Up until Obama won Iowa, the media narrative was all about Hillary’s coronation; the dusky fellow could never win over white folks and wasn’t even in the running.
Plus, the president is black, and I’m scared of black people.
Looch,
It does strike me that Joe needs some obstacles he can’t overcome in his life, like having that lump on his testicle that he has insufficient health insurance to treat…
Let’s talk about Charlie “Mr. Brownstone” Rangel and his millions he failed to reported. What does that say about big city liberals being prone to corruption?
Yes, by all means, let’s change the subject since I’m getting my ass handed to me —- AGAIN.
What does that say about big city liberals being prone to corruption?
Not any more than then Republican mayor of Spokane Washington, who traded gay sex for jobs
The Republican Mayor of Spokane isn’t in charge of the tax code, Rangel is.
Let’s talk about Charlie “Mr. Brownstone” Rangel and his millions he failed to reported. What does that say about big city liberals being prone to corruption?
Wait, what happened to “Bill Gates, Republican?”
Big cities are dangerous to liberty.
The Republican Mayor of Spokane isn’t in charge of the tax code, Rangel is.
Tell that to the citizens of Spokane.
Up until Obama won Iowa, the media narrative was all about Hillary’s coronation; the dusky fellow could never win over white folks and wasn’t even in the running.
Iowa may have put a dent in the Hillary machine, and Super Tuesday did a lot to push it off the rails, but the media narrative about another President Clinton kept strong until summer. What this has to do with state-run fire departments is anybody’s guess.
What this has to do with state-run fire departments is anybody’s guess.
Because shut up, that’s what.
And for that matter, what happened to: “Apple has been posting big gains in market share, as has Linux?”
HelloBonjour! Iz zere anyone hoome?
Poor Los Angeles. Held hostage by those nimrods in Orange County, forced to seek federal funding to fight local fires, because the governor hasn’t been able to raise taxes in thirty years to responsibly fund the firefighters…
Could you imagine what would have happened if LA had private fire companies?
“Oh no, YOU send your men in! That’s too big for us to handle!”
Big cities are dangerous to liberty.
Functioning grey matter is dangerous to conservatism.
The brain is the Jew of conservative fascism.
We were right-wingers. Libs today would have even called us “right wing terrorists” in the 1770s.
Yet
consumerscorporations choose windows,Fixed that for you, toofy.
Uh, dumbass, the Tories were the right-wingers of that era. You know, the conservatives who stood for the status quo of serving their masters without complaint.
Clinton was the undeclared Democratic Party nominee, and early, so early that a lot of Democratic Party operatives stayed away from or did minimal work for Kerry’s campaign four years earlier. The thinking was that Bush would essentially fuck things up enough to usher Hillary in with little muss or fuss. Cynical? Yep. But she was the candidate.
The Founding Fathers said,
September 2, 2009 at 15:46
We were right-wingers
So national healthcare is a conservative issue?
Uh, dumbass, the Tories were the right-wingers of that era.
Troofie would have been all “Why did libs pollute poor Boston harbor????”
All we need for “civilization” is a police force, a military, a courts system, and basic infrastructure like roads. Anything else the government does is tyranny and/or waste.
Even if one were to deny the need for an administrative framework to make sure all these things actually got done, taxes would still need to be paid for those things, some would still protest they were too high and balk at paying, and the police and courts would still enforce taxation with the same sort of implicit threat of punishment as they do now. In short, even your minimal government would rule by “tyranny” as you define it. Plus, this society of your dreams has nothing in common with the Constitutional republic in which you reside, by design and from its inception.
Troofie would have been all “Why did libs pollute poor Boston harbor????”
Or:
“Hey, how come I can’t get some of that tea-bagging action?”
Plus, this society of your dreams has nothing in common with the Constitutional republic in which you reside, by design and from its inception.
This is why I want to live in his world: your neighbors never barbecue, they never litter, they never break a window accidentally, they never drive too fast because they always obey the law, lightning never strikes a tree and brings it down on your car, necessitating an ambulance…in short, God functions as government and his people never left the Garden of Eden!
The Founding Fathers said,
We were right-wingers
At any given point, the conservative position is always the liberal position 50 (or in this case 200) years before. They are the embarrassing piece of toilet paper stuck to society’s shoe. Always have been, always will be.
No one has addressed one irrational, misleading statement upstream.
Lego walls are structurally untenable.
Wrong. They’re perfectly feasible if kept from developing tension – so a low-rise with a reasonably heavy floor system could be carried by LEGO bearing/shear walls just fine.
Speaking of which. Now that Troofus has acknowledged that there is a need for government (primarily to arrest and convict black folks and bomb brown ones) I wonder what else we can get him to add to the list of things government should do.
CIA warrantless wiretapping?
The intelligence community in general?
Border security and the INS?
Homeland Security?
NASA?
FEC?
The US dollar?
NASA?
CDC?
Any of those things warrant being government operated, or should we privatize ’em all?
I dunno why NASA made the list twice. I guess I’m too excited about the prospects of cyborg ninja monkey butlers in space!
…a low-rise with a reasonably heavy floor system could be carried by LEGO bearing/shear walls just fine.
That sounds like a challenge.
…a low-rise with a reasonably heavy floor system could be carried by LEGO bearing/shear walls just fine.
That sounds like a challenge.
I believe it’s already been met. I’m pretty sure the Danes have built some building-size assemblies at LEGOland.
They’re perfectly feasible if kept from developing tension…
Now if we only had some experience in designing buildings where structural members were kept out of tensile loading. Some sort of background in building with materials with low tensile strength, like concrete or bricks.
Now if we only had some experience in designing buildings where structural members were kept out of tensile loading. Some sort of background in building with materials with low tensile strength, like concrete or bricks.
Exactly. Half my projects are in 100-year-old masonry buildings where the mortar is shot and therefore the walls are tension-free.
Half my projects are in 100-year-old masonry buildings where the mortar is shot and therefore the walls are tension-free.
So shall it be written. So shall it be done
When engineers and architects meet,
They stand and look at their feet,
Then they begin
To let out a din
Of architectural/structural double entendres and insider jokes that no one else has a clue about.
This is why I want to live in his world: your neighbors never barbecue, they never litter, they never break a window accidentally, they never drive too fast because they always obey the law, lightning never strikes a tree and brings it down on your car, necessitating an ambulance…in short, God functions as government and his people never left the Garden of Eden!
Well, all that, but I meant that the founding fathers wrote in a WHOLE EXTRA BRANCH of federal government not about fighting petty crime in the streets or wars or building roads or judging and gaoling folks, but getting together and talking about what the people back home wanted them to do as a group and doing it. Minting money, paying salaries, purchasing large tracts of land, counting citizens, granting patents, delivering mail, granting statehood, signing treaties, all kinds of wasteful, tyrannical stuff was done from the earliest days on, and those guys had their fingerprints all over it.
Looch – it always comes back to the pocket protectors. Guess which group uses them, and which one doesn’t.
When engineers and architects meet,
They stand and look at their feet,
How can you identify an extrovert engineer?
He stares at your feet.
Lego, great strength to weight ratio, but I’m skeptical of the type of flexural strength you’d get in long members (veiled PENIS reference).
A low-rise like you were previously suggesting would be an interesting design challenge. No long hallways, dunno how many Mindstorms motors you’d need to run a full-size elevator, how do you keep people from removing bits of the building so they can complete their Millenium Falcon with legs.
I’m skeptical of the type of flexural strength you’d get in long members
Yeah, but I’m talking about bearing walls, not spanning members.
how do you keep people from removing bits of the building so they can complete their Millenium Falcon with legs.
On the other hand, redecorating your apartment is a snap!
(oh, man, that one hurt even me…)
I’m pretty sure the Danes have built some building-size assemblies at LEGOland.
Fucking socialists.
pocket protectors.
Veiled condom references.
Apple has been posting big gains in market share, as has Linux
Those aren’t operating systems. They’re more like religions.
Yeah, but I’m talking about bearing walls, not spanning members.
What would you use to support floors? It seems to me that some form of engineered OSB would be sufficient: lightweight, but sturdy.
Nobody forces anyone at the point of a gun to buy a PC over a Mac, do they?
Well, that’s what it would take me to buy a PC.
What would you use to support floors?
Wood joists? We could recreate brownstones only with LEGO exteriors.
Built-up steel girders using erector set (mechano for those in the Commonwealth) pieces?
Groin vaults of LEGO? No tension…
Not unless the engineered OSB was engineered into a beam. You wouldn’t want to try to span more than 1 – 2 feet between spanning members with OSB. Even then, it’s not a good material to use for something like a floor.
Now I know why libs buy Macs
Rush Limbaugh is a big Apple fan.
I’m tired of being forced at the point of a gun to stop at stop signs. Where will the tyranny end?
I got a delivery here. Box a pocket protectors, whadevdahell dey are. Who wants to sign for ’em?
The scientists are keeping to the proven astrophysical strategy of calling anything they don’t understand “dark”, terming the odd motion a “dark flow”.
There’s a rare bit of honesty. The Daily Galaxy has done seen that there emperor is buck nekkid.
Who wants to sign for ‘em?
Try that pleasant zombie fellow down the hall.
you can whine all you want, but the vast majority of consumers prefer windo
wbamas to maccainsfyt among yerselves
N__B, we’ve got a package for you here at the front desk.
Of architectural/structural double entendres and insider jokes that no one else has a clue about.
Hope this helps, OSB refers to the material otherwise known as beaver puke (not a cream-pie reference).
N__B, we’ve got a package for you here at the front desk.
My monkey butler will be there shortly.
“..and we’ll fill in the missing colors
of our monkey butler dreams…”
Twentieth Century isms were all basically rebelling against modernity. – Davis
Ironically included amongst these isms basically rebelling against modernity was “modernism”, c.f. Eliot, T.S.
Apparently the longest free span for Lego is 14 m. Perhaps a low-rise building made entirely of plastic bricks is possible. Archways everywhere, plastic buttresses flying out of every possible corner. It would be positively baroque, but in primary colours.
Archways everywhere, plastic buttresses flying out of every possible corner. It would be positively baroque, but in primary colours.
Groin vaults: http://www.crsbi.ac.uk/resources/glossaryImagePopup/images/pubimg/full/groin_vault_23877.jpg
I know a (very) leetle beet about building materials and beaver barf (as I always heard it called) always struck me as being pretty limited as a material. It’s heavy as you get into 3/4′ thick stuff, it does NOT handle moisture well, you can drive screws through it (through, not into) if you are not very careful and it tends to be pretty brittle.
Enough about me.
Groin vaults?
Ooooh. N__B reads minds!
Groin vaults?
Veiled sexual-athletics reference or compression-only building technique? You decide.
Archways everywhere, plastic buttresses flying out of every possible corner. It would be positively baroque, but in primary colours.
Positively gothic, I think you mean.
Though you could do baroque… use the little dudes as putti, gild and faux marbleize the works…
Groin vaults of LEGO?
Veiled plastic penis reference.
little dudes as putti
Darth, Luke, and Indiana Putti.
Not unless the engineered OSB was engineered into a beam.
I was thinking of an I-beam, but I couldn’t remember the term of art.
In fact, I often flash my I-beams at unsuspecting drivers at night.
Positively gothic…
Well yes, but I didn’t want to put those words next to one another, lest the emo whining get unbearable (not a statics reference).
Watch it, or I’ll start posting Bauhaus videos.
Lasch always struck me as an honest cultural critic. He had principles which caused him to oppose particular cultural trends, rather than disliking things and then dreaming up principles as a rationale for that dislike. He might yell at us kids to get off his lawn, but he’d protect his neighbours’ lawns equally staunchly. – Smut Clyde
I personally am excited about the reference to Peter “not George Sylvester” Viereck. I know more than a few dirty hippies (including myself) who are fundamentally conservatives in the mold of Viereck. It’s just that the only people who seem to be conserving that which we want to conserve are the dirty hippies and effete liberal lefties. What is it, besides the stupid privileges of their masters, do today’s so called conservatives actually want to conserve?
OT
aimai’s follow-up to Joke Line’s incohate rage-gasm at Greenwald is scathing, or at least it would be if any of the members of the elite media had any shame.
What is it, besides the stupid privileges of their masters, do today’s so called conservatives actually want to conserve?
I know this one! Me! Me! Call on me!
Nothing.
well, I woul dbe troubled by the lack of mass in an unreinforced Lego bearing wall. No lateral resistance.
Like N__B, much of my work is in masonry buildings with little reinforcing, but the walls are high mass.
Legos wouldn’t meet modern lateral resistance requirements.
Plus, FIRE. The melting would not just cause structural failure almost immediately, but whacky melted plastic burns and toxic outgassing.
But you know, if that fella down the hall with the monkey butler wants to sign off on the structural design, I am willing to take a swing at it….
the walls are high mass.
Catholicist!
UPDATE: Studie has not yet escaped, although his current studio apartment seems to want to change dimensions a lot. Hang in there for a coupla more days, darling little guy…
Studie has not yet escaped, although his current studio apartment seems to want to change dimensions a lot.
Perhaps one of the resident building experts could be of assitance. A groin vault, perhaps?
Lots of “You just wait until you are called, L’il Studie,” vibes to you. Also.
Studie has not yet escaped
Do you blame him? Most adults I know try to crawl back in!
Oy.
I tried to make it the rest of the way through the comments since last night, and I got up to “Liberty”‘s idjit ranting about EVIL BIG GUMMINT and how the pivate sector would cure all our ills if we only let it and y’know what? I fucking READ Atlas Shrugged AND The Fountainhead AND The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress and fucking thank you I’ve had more than enough gLibertarian/Objectivist bullshit to last me through my next six incarnations.
Perhaps one of the resident building experts could be of assitance. A groin vault, perhaps?
I dunno….sounds to me more like a job for a flying buttress or a cantilever….
The question isn’t cantilever, it’s when will he leave her? But when Studie does emerge, don’t let them sell you the undercoating. It’s just a cash cow for the dealers.
Yeah, something pretty substantial is needed given the way Studie looks at the whole situation:
“Hey you guys just moved, now it’s my turn!”
well, I woul dbe
Doo be doo be do.
troubled by the lack of mass in an unreinforced Lego bearing wall. No lateral resistance.
Like N__B, much of my work is in masonry buildings with little reinforcing, but the walls are high mass.
Legos wouldn’t meet modern lateral resistance requirements.
Low rise, decent gravity load, the tension from lateral resistance is overbalanced by compression. No problem.
Plus, FIRE. The melting would not just cause structural failure almost immediately, but whacky melted plastic burns and toxic outgassing.
Sprinklers. Plus, maybe, flooding the block interiors per some early Arup designs.
The question isn’t cantilever, it’s when will he leave her?
And here I was, chuckling to myself about the various “buttress” puns I could use with DMM….ARGH! I missed the obvious one!
But when Studie does emerge, don’t let them sell you the undercoating.
Don’t go for the air conditioning, either. Not worth it.
A “buttress” is a female butt.
Um, anyone here know anyting about a delivery for sompin called a Stoody? Wha? No? Oh, yeah, I must have misread da date onda slip. I’ll be back next week, OK?
A “buttress” is a female butt.
Or a woman with a strap-on…
A “buttress” is a female butt.
Or a woman with a strap-on…
Or a butyl coif.
OK, I concede that the technical problems can be overcome.
But now the crucial issue: Which trade union will be responsible?
wait, what? …I’m talking about Studie.
Or a woman with a strap-on…
Which would be a structural member, no?
Ah feck.
blah blah structural member blah stoopidforgotnymchangeblah
Or a woman with a strap-on…
Which would be a structural member, no?
Veiled Erector Set reference.
But now the crucial issue: Which trade union will be responsible?
wait, what? …I’m talking about Studie.
I swear, Doctor Missus, zombie and I never discussed your moral fiber, so I have no idea why he thinks Gavin is not the father…
moral fiber
Veiled constipation reference.
Oh. New threedle. Last one out turn off da lights, ok?
moral fiber
Veiled constipation reference.
Veiled buttress reference
Archways everywhere, plastic buttresses flying out of every possible corner. It would be positively baroque, but in primary colours.
Post-modern architecture DO NOT WANT.
See this is why conservatives hate us lefty moonbats. They may have their Rand book about an architect, but where on the right intertubes would a political discussion lead to a discussion about structural engineering? The righties are jealous of us!
Heh. Buttress. Heh, heh.
Way way late to the party, given that I have to quick-read between, y’know, actual WORK THINGS and all but “Studie, you just stay put!”
And you architects / engineers, quit staring at each other’s feet and build a Lego retaining wall for the Dr. Missus, y’hear?
I think it would be more properly referred to as a Dike, OneMan.
O hell, I am so sorry for that one.
moral fiber
Moral fibre? I INVENTED moral fibre!
A “buttress” is a female butt.
I understood it as a veiled GOAT reference. AGAIN.
And the Old Testament makes it clear that ANY fibre is moral so long as it ISN’T MIXED.
Moral fibre? I INVENTED moral fibre!
O Brother…
Hoffer Hears A Heil
Breaking: Dr. Seuss calls from The Great Beyond, leaves Gavin his estate.
Allow me to be the 500th to praise Gavin R.’s footnotes; reading something that dense in batteries not included close cover before striking all selections performed by The Hightimers 3 point futura extra condensed is a mind-roasting experience. Plus I think he actually read that Goldberg book instead of just giving it to hoboes to use as snot wipe, like a sane man. Is it true Artie Shaw used to do that boogermaster thing? No wonder he got divorced so often.