Zero-Self-Awareness Theatre Presents:
Debbie Schlussel:
When a Snooty Left-Wing Celeb Goes to Grad School @ Harvard
- I once had an opportunity to attend the Harvard Kennedy School of Government at Harvard, but declined their offer of requesting an application. I am now so glad I did because meow-meow, rar-rar, hsss! jealousy, meow-Ashley-Judd-meow, S-N-O-B-S! hsss-rar!
Debbie Schlussel:
You Won’t Get TedCare Under ObamaCare: Ted Kennedy’s Brain Cancer Dream Team (Private Planes, Copters, Police Escorts, Mozart of Brain Surgeons)
- Ew, look at the ultra-elite, jewel-covered celebrity medical care lavished on ‘man of the people’ Ted Kennedy, ew. This is what Obama wants to take away from you.
Debbie Schlussel:
“Death Wish”: Important Movie Celebrates 35 Years; The Anti-Obama Flick
- I first learned about “Death Wish” from my father, a man excited by subway vigilante Bernhard Goetz. Now under Obama, who disrespected the Cambridge police1 and implied they are racist, and with chain emails saying that even the liberal Snopes.com has confirmed that he is attacking our Second Amendment gun rights,2 its message of vengeance and vigilantism is more relevant than ever.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
1 Since they moved the Central Square cop shop to some crazy place near the Galleria in East Cambridge, there’s almost no police presence here at night, leaving Gates to continue his damned midlife crisis by nursing his Triumph Bonneville down Mount Auburn, hooking unhurriedly onto Green Street, then throttling up when he hits Western and roar-assing the hell down toward the river doing like 80 miles per hour, windows rattling and glasses skittering on coffee tables in a delta pattern behind his mufflerless pipes, the whole racket Dopplering all the way. And as you’re like, “WHAT THE…? Holy cripes, it’s Gates with his goddamn Marmite rocket again. Well, at least he isn’t breaking into anybody else’s house tonight, probably,” you hear him way in the distance slowing down and wheeling onto Mem Drive, and then another cataclysmic blat as he rips ass back around to Agassiz-Harvard. And you realize that you’ve been sitting there with a forkful of dessert hovering in front of your mouth the whole time, gaping laxly as the house rattled around you. You realize that Gates has once again gotten what he came for, that another night is his.
What I’m saying is that if Schlussel thinks the Cambridge Police are so great and that Obama has so unfairly maligned their skazizzles that the only solution is for revenge-maddened vigilantes to, uh, shoot people for mouthing off to or about policemen, like they do in civilized countries, then I should like Schlussel to explain why it took the CPD twenty freaking years to get a break in this case.
2 The state of claims and counterclaims all the way up to counter X 10^4 claims can be summed up as follows:
OBAMA: Uhm, ah-ah, ok look: I want it to be clear that I have no intention of infringing on anybody’s Second, uh, Amendment rights.
NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION: OMG, send us MOAR $$ NAO or teh Obamba is b4nZ0Ring all t3h gunZ0Rs 4 EVz0R!!!esclamationpoint!1!!!
I DEMAND TO SEE THE LONG FORM VAULT COPY OF OBAMA’S PLACENTA!!!
I’m enjoying the more recent story, where Debs accuses a Muslim women of garish immodesty and looking like a drag queen for wearing makeup under her headscarf.
Hey, did any of you read her review of District 9? She advocated genocide against the Palestinians AGAIN, although sort of indirectly this time. She concluded that it was a good film, aside from its ridiculous commu-terrist message of “Human right abuses are bad.”
I didn’t need a Harvard degree to make up for inadequacies in the hood or the cerebellum. I already knew I wasn’t a dummy.
I can vouch for the fact that everyone at Harvard is compensating, either for poor motor coordiation, or for having a tiny veiled penis.
Wow, look at that mouth.
I bet she can fit one of those Hardee burgers in there whole.
It’s a natural progression.
Black Hats, Black helicopters, Black President.
Wow, look at that mouth.
Fortunately, such is the strength of Gavin M.’s commitment to the concept of digital proof, we can trust him not to have photoshopped the flappy lizard mouthparts* of some other rightwing pundit onto Ms. Schuessel.
* All reference to “flappy lizard mouthparts” must credit Vaughn Bodé and “Deadbone Erotica”.
Debbie’s Twitter Bio
If I had her password, I’d add Dentist and Real Estate Agent. She’d probably not even notice.
Wonder where she got her Terrorism Expert diploma.
Ah, yes, “Death Wish,” the ultimate gun owner’s wish fulfillment movie. Starring, hilariously, Jeff Goldblum as a street tough.
my father, a man excited by subway vigilante Bernhard Goetz
Oh, no surprise Snackcakes would have father issues. Sometimes (many times, in my case) you just miss the obvious.
I bet she can fit one of those Hardee burgers in there whole.
or three large cocks, at one time
I’m always amazed at the wingers holding up Bernie Goetz as some kind of role model. Putting side the fact that he was a maladjusted geek before and after the shooting, I never saw myself as the heroic gunman protecting innocents on the subway. I saw myself as the subway rider shot by some vigilante asshole with bad aim.
He did, however, give me the opportunity to walk into bars and order a Goetz: a screwdriver with four shots.
Shouldn’t that read “Post-9/11 Terrorism Expert”?
So very tragic how none of these asshats knew a goddam thing about terrorism before we were, you know, attacked by terrorists.
my father, a man excited by subway vigilante Bernhard Goetz
Way too much information.
O.K. I apologize for this, but I’ve gotta say it : IT’S A MAN BABY!!!
Seriously though, Debbie has got to be the absolute lowest of the low hanging fruits. I’d almost feel bad about mocking her if she wasn’t such an evil shit.
total yenta.
Wonder where she got her Terrorism Expert diploma.
I expect masturbation to 9/11 footage comes into play at some point.
Your first footnote? It killed me. Thank you for making my morning.
Note to self: add “roar-assing” to vocabulary and insert into conversation whenever possible.
Love the title – almost as good as when I told my ex-boss that I wasn’t coming back to work in large part due to his last installment of “One-Man Shithead Theatre.”
I friend of mine works in the same building as Bernie Goetz. She says she often sees him bringing squirrels (yes, squirrels) up to his office. No, I don’ t know why.
By the way, gotta love how Debbie puts her watermark on an article ripped from the page of an Us magazine, like it’s some sort of exclusive. WTF??
All yer links are to Debbie Schussel’s main page, Gav…
Can someone please explain to me why a woman without the boobs of Pam Gellar or the long silky Adam’s Apple of Ann Coulter has any relevance even in a dumbed down, lowest common denominator party like the GOP???
By the way, gotta love how Debbie puts her watermark on an article ripped from the page of an Us magazine, like it’s some sort of exclusive. WTF??
You mean how like Crooks & Liars rips off copyrighted material from the airwaves and slaps their own logo on it?
He did, however, give me the opportunity to walk into bars and order a Goetz: a screwdriver with four shots.
Wait….I *know* this bar….
It’s a natural progression.
Black Hats, Black helicopters, Black President.
FTW!
…Blackula.
DAMMIT I missed a food thread. dammitdammitdammit.
Can we go back to food a bit later on after appropriate DS dissing?
And is there a way that Megan McArdle can be notified of how despicable so many intelligent people with actual souls think she is?
Actor: Point taken.
Gates needs one of them whistle tips. woooo woooo and then sometimes you got the whoo whoop
So we learn in the hsss/meow post about Ashley Judd that lil’ Debbie scored in the 99th percentile on the GRE. Yet we find this gem in another post of hers.
http://www.debbieschlussel.com/7764/free-papa-johns-pizza-today-if-you-drive-a-camaro/
Is Papa John’s really limiting their promotion to non-Jews?
I want to see the vault copy of lil’ Debbie’s GRE scores.
Here’s a palette cleanser for anyone tired of Debbie’s mug.
Hey! As someone who lives near the new Cambridge PD location in East Cambridge, I resent the area being characterized as “some crazy place near the Galleria.” It’s actually a crazy place near the Kendall Cinema.
So a millionaire was able to pay out of his own pocket for medical care far more lavish than the crappy medical care normal people get.
And that’s supposed to convince us not to reform the kind of crappy medical care normal people get?
Yeah, the “Teddy Kennedy wants to prevent you from getting the care he got!” argument seems odd to me when few of us would get it anyway. Plus, it’s not like people who can afford expensive private now care magically wouldn’t be able to if Medicare were expanded to allow more people to choose it instead of having to resort to emergency rooms.
You mean how like Crooks & Liars rips off copyrighted material from the airwaves and slaps their own logo on it?
OUCH!
That description of Skip Gates cruising the mean streets was so great, I want to buy him a black leather trenchcoat and some wraparound shades. I’d throw in a Curtis Mayfield soundtrack, but I’m sure he’s already got all of Mayfield’s stuff.
Note to self: add “roar-assing” to vocabulary and insert into conversation whenever possible.
I’ve made the same note to myself. Plus thrown in “skazizzles.”
My helicopter: let me not show you it.
Yeah, the “Teddy Kennedy wants to prevent you from getting the care he got!” argument seems odd to me when few of us would get it anyway.
I’d be pleased if Zombie Kennedy could prevent me from getting the outcome he got.
The easiest way to make sure you don’t die at age 77 is to kill you before that, you realize. Also: cost effective.
From his wiki:
As of 2005, Goetz was again living in New York City and had run for both Mayor (in 2001) and Public Advocate (2005) … Goetz is also involved in the squirrel community of New York.[62] He installs squirrel houses, feeds squirrels and performs first aid … He sells and services electronic test equipment through his company “Vigilante Electronics”.
He installs squirrel houses, feeds squirrels and performs first aid
He administers CPR with a .44 magnum….
Terrorism Expert.
Hysterical Screamer, more like it.
Still waiting for StoopidHead SnackCakes to apologize to Canada for claiming we did nothing about that Greyhound bus beheading-killer. Turns out that we socialists have bigger gonads than any of her wanking ass-barnacles, surprise surprise.
Listen up, you fucking losers;
Debbie Schussel could have gone to Harvard.
Do you hear me?
She COULD HAVE GONE TO HARVARD!!!!!
Case closed.
RE: “nursing his Triumph Bonneville down Mount Auburn”
MY COMMENT: Triumph Bonnevilles are “to die for”! Sublime understatement as only the English can achieve it. As for the Ducatis…