Last month, World O’Crap broke the story about Thomas Sowell’s frustration over the “liberal nanny state’s” ban on kidney sales. Thomas, who got a job at Stanford purely on merits and not as part of some affirmative action program for people with really bad eye-wear, argued:

Banning organ sales does nothing to make the poor less poor. Nor do those 80,000-plus people on waiting lists have to be rich. Three economists have estimated the cost of buying an organ in a free market at a price well within most people’s budgets.

Needless to say, we completely agree with Thomas. If only the government would get off our backs, we could stroll the aisles at the local Pancreas “R” Us and find that perfect organ. Until the ban is lifted however, finding the right person who could give the perfect kidney for the busy executive who has everything (except a kidney) remains a challenge. Sure, you could troll America’s poorest neighborhoods and ask randomly — but that could take hours. As Frank Costanza once remarked: “As I rained blows upon him I realized there had to be a better way!” Well Frank, there is.

Thomas Sowell, please meet the amazing Natalya:

Moscow’s medical workers discovered a magnificent gift of a sixteen-year-old girl Natalya Demkina from Saransk. The girl possesses “dual vision”. She is capable of discerning a person’s internal organs without using X-ray or ultrasound. […]

How is this possible you ask? That’s the best part:

The Demkins family remains puzzled as to the origin of their daughter”s gift. Perhaps, Natasha”s latest surgery has triggered such “vision improvement”. Natasha”s appendix has been removed. […] In a month after that incident, the teenager was able to surprise her mother with her unique quality.

This is the genius part of the system, over which we claim full ownership. Find someone willing to pay for your appendix (How hard can that be? If you have any problems, just ask Thomas to hook you up.) Once it (the appendix) has been removed, you too can have Natalya’s gift and go into business with Thomas. Please don’t tell us you have some doubts about Natalya’s special gift?

“I see a crimped tube similar to our vacuum cleaner inside of you. I also see two beans and a tomato that resembles a bulls’ heart,” states the girl. Back then, she was not aware of medical terminology and could not provide a proper name for a heart…

Here we see that because Natalya didn’t know medical terms like “heart” she had to describe a human heart as tomato that resembles a bulls’ “heart” — apparently because in Russia children are taught that bulls have hearts while humans must make do with a tomato. That doesn’t seem entirely kosher to us, but who has time for such worries?

Natalya can do it all anyway:

Natasha was shown a woman with a whole bunch of illnesses. The girl managed to list every single one of them. Further ultrasound examination simply proved her final diagnosis. […] Natasha is capable of distinguishing even the tiniest pathology on a molecular level in the deepest corners of a human body

See? See?!?

So here’s our plan: Sell your appendix, which will give you molecular vision. Offer your services as an “organ scout.” Go around socio-economically disadvantaged neighborhoods looking for a match. Make your best offer. Remove the organ. Deliver to its new owner. Collect $200. Pass Go. Don’t worry, be happy!

It’s all so simple really!