It’ll be snakes next…
Okay, yes. We’re getting off this thread of discourse momentarily, and I certainly have Cobb Award nominations to post as well as a whole lot of other things, and this and that and whatever.
But let me just warm up this cup of tea here, because I quit drinking as you know, and WHOOOAH! HOLY JEEZ! [drops teacup]
GADS! Wait. [rubbing eyes] Whew. No, that’s not double Claude Allens at all. It’s Claude Allen and his identical twin brother, Floyd.
From NPR’s All Things Considered, wherein Michale Norris interviews Washington Post reporter Michael Fletcher:
Norris: We should note something, Michael. Apparently Claude Allen has a twin brother?
Fletcher: Yes, he does. He has an identical twin brother who even close friends can’t tell them apart when they see them. And people have seen him and close friends say that Mr. Allen has indicated to them that maybe his brother holds the key to this entire puzzling affair.
Hmm. They’re not going to try to float the old ‘identical twin’ plot, are they? That’s almost as bad as the old ‘got hit on the head with a coconut and had amnesia’ plot, or the one where everyone thinks it’s a ghost but it’s really the old caretaker in a Captain Kidd hat with flour all over him.
No, they wouldn’t do that, would they? That’s the eternal question of the present administration: Sure, they did this-and-this-and-this-and-this — but they wouldn’t do that, would they?
From this morning’s Times, again courtesy Josh:
People who talked to Mr. Allen Monday said he remained surprisingly upbeat in the face of the charges. He said only one side of the story had been heard, said one former colleague who asked not to be identified because the conversation was private.
Like others who know him, his stepmother cannot understand the turn of events. “I simply have no idea where things could have gone wrong in his life,” Mrs. Allen said.
Floyd was the twin who “kept running into bad times,” while Claude Allen intervened repeatedly to help him, she said.
In 2001, Floyd Allen declared bankruptcy in Virginia; a year earlier he was ordered to pay $6,450 in a civil suit brought against him by a travel company, according to state and federal records.
There certainly seems to be the sculpting of a narrative there. Except, as Pinko Punko notices, Floyd would have to have been using Claude’s IDs and credit cards the whole time.
Only one team of detectives can get to the bottom of this one.
Bonus Pinko: I would want Dave Chappelle to do it. He’d have two African-Americans in the skit, completely not related, and Bush wouldn’t be able to tell them apart, and he’d be all “our plan can’t fail!!!!!’
[Also see Julia.]
Here’s my theory. Floyd started impersonating Claude and sneakily got a job in the White House, while poor Claude was forced to resort to retail fraud….
That wascally wabbit! He was right here in the stew pot!
The evil twin, goddamn, I had never thought of that. A fine “christian” like Claude would never steal from Target when he could steal more from us. Like all of the fine, upstanding ‘christians’ in chickengeorge’s maladministration.
Josh also asks if this evil twin idea can be used for other administration officials. But I know the hackneyed plot that will really work – the old multiple personality trick where the person doesn’t know about the other personality (its always just one evil one and one good one, the evil twin internalized).
Michael Brown only learns about his evil self during the season finale.
Multiple Personality won’t work. People blame you for everything any of your personalities do, I think. And reasonably so. But it definitely gets you into more trouble than it gets you out of.
But have they considered demonic possession? Sure, you can be blamed for having *gotten* a demon. But you can’t really be held to account for what the demon does, and after it’s exorcized, people start pretending it never happened.
Oh my god I hate this guy so bad. And could the balls on this administration get ANY bigger?? “It was my EVIL TWIN”??
I’m noticing an “evil twin” meme emerging. Wasn’t Mean Jean’s evil twin responsible for some nasty comments about Libby Dole?
Hey, you guys got a Malkin link! How about a “Welcome, Michelle Malkin readers, you are all racists” or something?
“I’m seein’ double here! Four Claude Allens!”
A link in a post in which Malkin shows her reading comprehension skills are nil: “The oh-so-compassionate Left is snickering at the possibility that Floyd Allen may have been responsible for the crimes with which Claude Allen has now been charged.”
Idiot. Of course, it won’t really be funny unless it turns out Floyd has amnesia and can only remember that a one-armed man really committed the crime, but no one believes him so he’s forced to flee to South America where he falls in love with an undercover agent, who is bitten by a poisonous snake on a camping trip…
Naw, the hit-on-the-head-by-a-coconut amnesia episode is already reserved for Karl “photographic memory” Rove’s upcoming trial on espionage charges. It’s a real hoot, especially the part where he comes to and remembers he was already married. Hilarity ensues!
Meet Claude, who’s a judge with savoir faire, he’s worried ’bout trojans people share.
But Floyd is hip to retail schemes
and nabbed the goods and plasma screens —
What a crazy pair!
But they’re brothers,
Identical brothers all the way.
One pair of matching bookends,
Different as night and day.
Where Claude adores a home-schooled tot,
Dobson’s acclaim, and Jesse’s job,
Our Floyd loves to rock and roll,
A DVD with remote control–
What a wild duet!
Still, they’re brothers,
Identical brothers and you’ll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike —
You can lose your mind,
When brothers are two of a kind.
Michelle, fuck off.
…I know, it’s not very witty, but honestly, who has any more energy for Ms. Internment’s thoughts on compassion?
Allen The Family
What an odd story: A former Bush Administration advisor making high six-figures in charged with attempting to scam Target Department Stores out of thousands of dollars in fake returns. How could such a “goody-two-shoes” like Claude Allen go so wrong?…
Uhh, I hate to be the voice of reason here, but uhm, what if it is true? Think about it for a moment. Do you really thing that Claude would say, “Sure, I’ve lived this exemplary life and accomplished more than most, but what I REALLY need is to score some extra cash by returning merchandise. Now, if only I can find a scapegoat…Ah ha! My pathetic twin brother. Bwah-hah-hah-hah!”
Give me a break. I mean, no one has ever had their identity stolen by an acquaintance or relative before. RIght? As ridiculous as the whole affair sounds, it is even more ridiculous to think it was PRE-PLANNED. Give the guy a break. Some of you want so bad for the other side to be pure evil, but neither side is. Sorry to burst that bubble.
Dante, it’s plausible that the story is true… It’s just waaaaaaaaaaaay out there.
I was already lamenting the fact the dubya runs his administration like an SNL skit, but to have someone involved be smeared by an EVIL TWIN? Holy crap, are we living in a soap opera?
The mind boggles at the weirdness of it all.
This isn’t plausible. I have twins in my family and there is always something about twins, whether it be a scar or a slight variation in hair color or something else that differentiates them. Claude is a butt munch and no twin alibi is going to set his pathetic arse free in my book.
“no one has ever had their identity stolen by an acquaintance or relative before. Right?”
See, there are these things called “fingerprints”. If the man arrested outside the Target was fingerprinted, and identified as Claude Allen, it begs the questions “Just exactly why was Claude taking items to the refund desk if it was really Floyd who was doing the scam?”
It’s not like they were swapping identities while going on a double date because one of the really had a crush on the hottest girl on campus but was too shy to….or Claude pretending to be Floyd so he could get a passing grade on the big essay test in History.
Floyd may be troubled, but there’s no WAY Claude is the good twin.
Hey, maybe it’ll turn out that the guy we *think of* as President Bush is an evil twin too. He stole the identity of his somewhat competent and occasionally coherent brother, the former Governor of Texas. But at some point he’ll escape his secluded prison and return to set right the misdeeds of Evil George.
I like what Julia said.
Nice visiting with all of you. I was linked here from Michelle M’s site. It’s nice to see that the angry left is really comprised of such honest, intellectual, and compassionate people. With all your virtues, it’s no wonder that you think that people that disagree with you are evil.
Of course, you’re wrong.
Floyd must be the Democrat of the family…
Of course, Mike, you’re wrong: people who advocate internment of an entire swath of people based solely on their religion or ethnic heritage are evil. We just happen to disagree with them.
Floyd Allen.
Floyd Alvis Cooper.
SEPARATED AT BIRTH?!
Also, the whole “return un-bought items using receipts from identical items” scam is totally ripped-off from that book from the author of Fight Club that isn’t Fight Club. (Survivor)
This isn’t plausible. I have twins in my family and there is always something about twins, whether it be a scar or a slight variation in hair color or something else that differentiates them. Claude is a butt munch and no twin alibi is going to set his pathetic arse free in my book.
It isn’t plausable?
Really?
And why not?
I take it you either a)are working or previously worked in law enforcement or b)are or were a practicing criminal attorney, right?
Since the answer is quite clearly no, you are just embarrassing yourself.
Since the answer is quite clearly no, you are just embarrassing yourself.
Malkin Trolls are the best!
BTW, it’s worth noting nobody at the WH or connected to Allen himself is “floating” this “plot”
It was in the New York Times, Washington Post, and on NPR.
So exactly who constitutes the “they” mentioned in the original post isn’t clear.
But then again the original post has no point, so who is surprised really?
^spelling correction above “plausible”
Malkin Trolls are the best!
You’re like so right man!
I mean you just refuted everything, this idea has no merit now, none.
I guess I’ll be a liberal now too.
Good God…
“Uhh, I hate to be the voice of reason here, but uhm, what if it is true?”
So how did they make the switch from inside the store to the outside, where Claude was arrested? And if they DID make a switch, wouldn’t it be a conspiracy, or at least an accessory-after-the-fact charge?
Sorry, I don’t buy it (but then, neither did Claude, it seems).
Ed
Our error here is basing any of these theories on “plausability.”
It clearly isn’t plausable that Claude Allen who has a 6-figure income courtesy of Dubya and the taxpayers would rip off Target for $5000. It also isn’t plausable that the person arrested (practically red-handed) was “evil twin” Floyd.
The facts are that Claude was arrested with stolen merchandise. Floyd, no matter how identical, did not have stolen merchandise.
punkinsmom,
How do you know the person who was arrested was Claude Allen?
The suggestion is seemingly that the person arrested was fingerprinted (this may or may not be true as he was arrested on a misdemeanor which was dropped at the arraignment) at the time, but that doesn’t mean the prints were verified then or since then, so how do we know?
This may very well turn out to be just an insignificant fact to the case, but for people to dismiss it, when the twin has a documented criminal past because they do not wish it to be true is absurd.
Okay, The Ace. What’s his documented criminal past?
Hey Ace, I know that the person who was arrested was Claude Allen because he just admitted to it.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/03/14/claude.allen.arrest.ap/index.html
Gavin, be nice to the little wingnut- he probably doesn’t know the difference between civil and criminal, ya big meanie.
In addition, ifn’ ya’ll wanna take a look at Mr. CLAUDE Allen’s charging document, it’s right here via tpmmuckraker.
Hey Ace, I know that the person who was arrested was Claude Allen because he just admitted to it.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/03/14/claude.allen.arrest.ap/index.html
Cursed double-post!
Sorry about that, I had gotten an error the first time I tried to post.
Huh, their posts here seem to show that most Malkin trolls have reading comprehension skills roughly on par with her own. Fancy that.
I love it when people ascribe their own motivations to others actions like why would blah blah successful ever commit a crime? Like why would blah blah rich fuck every steal more money when they clearly had enough. Cuz the whole world always makes sense!
My faves to this point (shorter Malkin cobags):
“This ridiculous story is plausible, therefore you shouldn’t make fun of it, but it is also a ridiculous story made up by the liberal media, so they should be ridiculed not the ridiculous story, which is true.”
What Malkin cobags don’t understand is that this story would be funny no matter what regardless of political affiliation or actual veracity- I mean Cookie Jesus on a triscuit people! It’s the evil twin argument!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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WHAT ‘S LOAFMUNCHING WRONG WITH YOU!
The Ace Responds: Typical liberal blah blah I have a tiny wiener* blah blah
*satiric liberalese joke about Ace’s tiny wiener+
+how could I%
%I just did!
I love it when people ascribe their own motivations to others actions like why would blah blah successful ever commit a crime? Like why would blah blah rich fuck every steal more money when they clearly had enough. Cuz the whole world always makes sense!
My faves to this point (shorter Malkin cobags):
“This ridiculous story is plausible, therefore you shouldn’t make fun of it, but it is also a ridiculous story made up by the liberal media, so they should be ridiculed not the ridiculous story, which is true.”
What Malkin cobags don’t understand is that this story would be funny no matter what regardless of political affiliation or actual veracity- I mean Cookie Jesus on a triscuit people! It’s the evil twin argument!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!
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WHAT ‘S LOAFMUNCHING WRONG WITH YOU!
The Ace Responds: Typical liberal blah blah I have a tiny wiener* blah blah
*satiric liberalese joke about Ace’s tiny wiener+
+how could I%
%I just did!
HAHAH DOUBLE POST EAT IT COBAGS@!
No Starnge Forces he didn’t admit it, his BROTHER admitted it. What the hell is wrong with yous liberal!1
In another life, I was famous for double posting, but I’m pretty sure it was always done by my evil twin.
Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, but that Chappelle sketch would still be funny.
The Wingnut and the Pauper?
btw – Jesse and Michelle Malkin heart SadlyNo.com
We have been bedazzled by their presence, LA.
Yeah, I don’t know who double posted. Maybe there is an entire mirror universe where we all have evil twins….say, that sounds like a great episode of Star Trek.
Why do I have deja vu. Oh yes, we have discussed the Super Evil Spock and his relation to American Policy here
Strange Forces:
Liberals are such suckers. “CNN” reports that Claude copped to the crime and you run and believe them over a half-assed twin theory that would make Brian DePalma blush?
Sheesh.
Here’s my theory: Claude’s always been the evil twin. The proof? He created domestic policy for the Fredo Administration.
Don’t know if he did it. Don’t know if he didn’t. But can I buy it?
Ladies and gentlemen, after getting stuck with a few tickets for moving violations, higher car insurance and a load of grief from my NON-twin, I just can’t bring myself to pull the “bullshit” trigger on this one.
GUYS AND GALS!
It doesn’t matter if it is true! We are in the fantasy world of a joke! About evil twins! About amnesia! About a coconut! Come on!
This may very well turn out to be just an insignificant fact to the case, but for people to dismiss it, when the twin has a documented criminal past because they do not wish it to be true is absurd.
No, wait — how do you KNOW that FLOYD is the one with a documented criminal past? Maybe *that* was Claude, all along! I mean it! It’s plausible and not at all absurd!
(Incidentally, in the yearbook photo, is Claude wearing a *watch fob*?)
Well, that was a rather flaccid assault from the Malkin trolls, I must say. I feel sad…Malkin could open up comments and her trolls could high-five each other and correct each other’s spelling and reading comprehension, all in a group-therapy effort of which they are in desperate need.
But can the crazy-ass racist bitch be bothered with such a noble exercise? No.
What the Malkin trolls are conveniently overlooking in their head-scratching befuddlement over how we couldn’t just accept this ridiculously implausible story as the gospel truth is this:
There has not been a single goddamn shred of truth to come out of the Bush Maladministration since the day he seized power. And now they want us to swallow a plot twist that makes Charmed look like fucking Masterpiece Theater?
Forgive me if I retain my healthy skepticism.
Oh, and Michelle, if you’re reading this . . . you truly are a vile, hate-filled and despicable person. I feel sorry for your kids. I really do.
Oh, and Michelle, if you’re reading this . . . you truly are a vile, hate-filled and despicable person. I feel sorry for your kids. I really do.
Shh! You’ll scare the flying monkeys away!
No way. The flying monkeys are attracted by that kind of combativeness. It keeps them primed for Marching Season.
It’s always Marching Season when you’re a fascist.
no, no, no! if Floyd were the evil twin, he’d have a goatee.
Identical twins have fingerprints that can be distinguished on close examination. However, the prints do have striking similarities. In fact, before the arrival of modern genetic testing, similarity of fingerprints was often used to determine whether twins were identical or fraternal.
So the ink smears on the police blotter may or may not be enough to tell Claude from Floyd.
So, it it were true, and it was secretly Floyd (didn’t the goatee tip all these “close friends” off to which one was evil? isn’t that, like, a rule now?), why is Claude being charged? Wouldn’t it have been pretty easy to clear it all up before, you know, the charging? And why did Claude call Andy Card to report that he was in legal trouble over this and try to explain it away as an error spawned from his credit card billing address having changed? It seems more likely to me that Claude would have called Andy Card and been like, “Um, you won’t believe what my brother did…” Or, y’know, that he could have come up with an explanation of where he was (ie, not in the parking lot of Target) when his brother was arrested.
It just seems to me like the mere possibility that it’s his Evil Twin has been floated just one charge late, y’know?
Also, can someone kill me now, please? Because unless I’m mistaken, I’m about to post a comment in which I have to defend the otherwise obvious absurdity of the Evil Twin defense.
Malkin trolls really are, apparently, the best, because their intense self-loathing and the intelligence-consuming vortex that their presence creates causes us to stop laughing at an idiot like Claude Allen and start having to think seriously about shit like Evil Twins.
Blast! Beaten to the goatee joke by less than an hour!
I call massive bullshit on this:
Identical twins have fingerprints that can be distinguished on close examination. However, the prints do have striking similarities. In fact, before the arrival of modern genetic testing, similarity of fingerprints was often used to determine whether twins were identical or fraternal.
So the ink smears on the police blotter may or may not be enough to tell Claude from Floyd.
Similar, but not the same, and thanks for the cut and paste from “The Straight Dope”
So what we have is someone who is stealing the identity of his twin brother, and multiple credit cards in the brothers name and address? So full on identity theft?
I hesitate to remind the “it could so be true!” folks that Claude has been under investigation since January, and has spoken with the police, so if there was any, ANY evidence of evil-twin-hijinx the coppers looked into it before they went to the trouble of arresting Claude.
Gee golly gosh. I wonder what those dunderhead cops would do with Michelle Malkin and the Pajamaload Media!!!
I am so disappointed by the visiting Malkin readers. When I saw 60 comments I was so stoked for some real wingnuttiness.
and don’t forget guys, but the cops are only America’s First Responders and Heros ™ when they aren’t arresting Republicans and making Bush look bad. When they do that they are clearly moronic tools of the MSM and The Left. The Left just needs to quit crying and win some elections. Besides wasn’t there that democrat once who shoplifted or something? Why aren’t you reporting on HIS evil twin? fucking biases.
The Ace Responds: Typical liberal blah blah I have a tiny wiener* blah blah
Mind pointing out where I said that?
Thanks in advance
Hey Ace, I know that the person who was arrested was Claude Allen because he just admitted to it.
Ok, we have some saying he admitted to it.
Which assuming this is true, does it rule out it is was not the brother who admitted this?
It doesn’t say how he was identified in the charging document.
This ridiculous story is plausible, therefore you shouldn’t make fun of it, but it is also a ridiculous story made up by the liberal media, so they should be ridiculed not the ridiculous story, which is true.”
Um, do you mean like the phoney story about the student who was “investigated” for checking out “The Little Red Book”?
As I said, this may just turn out to be an odd coincidence, but I think it silly to dismiss the possiblity of his brother’s involvement merely because you do not want that to be true.
and don’t forget guys, but the cops are only America’s First Responders and Heros ™ when they aren’t arresting Republicans and making Bush look bad. When they do that they are clearly moronic tools of the MSM and The Left.
Strawman, nobody alleged any such thing.
There has not been a single goddamn shred of truth to come out of the Bush Maladministration since the day he seized power. And now they want us to swallow a plot twist that makes Charmed look like fucking Masterpiece Theater?
1. You or anyone here can not document a single lie Bush allegedly told.
2. Again, nobody in the WH or that I’ve seen here is saying the twin brother’s possible involvement is fact.
But hey you kids are on an about a 44-0 strawman run, so why stop there, right?
GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We’ve found the weapons of mass destruction. You know, we found biological laboratories. You remember when Colin Powell stood up in front of the world and he said Iraq has got laboratories, mobile labs to build biological weapons. They’re illegal. They’re against the United Nations’ resolutions and we’ve so far discovered two. And we’ll find more weapons as time goes on. May 30, 2003
Ok, we have some saying he admitted to it. Which assuming this is true, does it rule out it is was not the brother who admitted this? It doesn’t say how he was identified in the charging document.
Maybe they really arrested Floyd, and he’s just pretending to be Claude while Claude says nothing! Or maybe there’s an unknown third identical brother! GASP!
P.S. on January 3rd Claude Allen spoke of the matter in person in the White House during working hours with Andy Card and Harriet Miers. Or maybe that was Floyd, too? If so, his perfidy know no bounds.
The Ace- you bothered to cut and paste the asterix of sarcasm, perhaps you didn’t read the footnotes?
That is a standard ironically terrible insult, do you think anytone actually alleged you admitted to having a tiny wiener********?
*********you didn’t!
But we’d still love you if you did!
And another thing, Ace is the Place- we don’t care if it’s true, for God’s sake we’re talking mirror universe here, and evil Spock, it is known as satire, and by definition, due to the inclusion of evil spock it is teh funny!
Nice package tho’
Which assuming this is true, does it rule out it is was not the brother who admitted this?
L.M.A.O. Maybe it was the brother who worked in the White House? Maybe it was the brother who had his mug shot taken? Maybe it was the brother who resigned from his job? I believe someone once said “it would be irresponsible not to speculate.”
also, Ace, re: “strawman”. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
And another thing, Ace is the Place- we don’t care if it’s true
Huh?
You don’t, then why are you posting over & over on the topic?
Maybe they really arrested Floyd, and he’s just pretending to be Claude while Claude says nothing! Or maybe there’s an unknown third identical brother! GASP!
Um, do you have a an ounce of critical thinking ability?
Apparently not.
on January 3rd Claude Allen spoke of the matter in person in the White House during working hours with Andy Card and Harriet Miers. Or maybe that was Floyd, too? If so, his perfidy know no bounds.
Er, did he say he commited a crime?
No.
also, Ace, re: “strawman”. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means
Really?
Because you say so, right?
GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We’ve found the weapons of mass destruction. You know, we found biological laboratories. You remember when Colin Powell stood up in front of the world and he said Iraq has got laboratories, mobile labs to build biological weapons. They’re illegal. They’re against the United Nations’ resolutions and we’ve so far discovered two. And we’ll find more weapons as time goes on. May 30, 2003
Can you link me to this statement?
Further, are you denying they found what were suspected bioweapons labs?
you bothered to cut and paste the asterix of sarcasm, perhaps you didn’t read the footnotes?
I did, where?
don’t forget the dreaded “weapons of mass destruction program related activities”!!!
Because you say so, right?
and this is different from all of your posts because…..oh I guess it isn’t.
In reality, Ace is a higlhy intelligent and reasonable person who would never humiliate himself by blathering about Claude Allen’s evil twin committing robberies his brother admitted to committing over a period of months. It is I, Ace’s evil twin, who have been posting the ridiculous messages by “Ace” that you see above!
Shorter The Ace: “Just because you say so, and it’s a fact, doesn’t necessarily make it so.”
Look, ignore me. I’m a freaking lunatic. Forgot to take my medication today…my bad.
In reality, Ace is a higlhy intelligent and reasonable person who would never humiliate himself by blathering about Claude Allen’s evil twin committing robberies his brother admitted to committing over a period of months.
Please indicate where I said the brother did it or had anything to do with it.
Oh, and while you’re at it, link me to a statement made by Allen admitting he did it.
Thanks in advance, moron.
Nice catch. The movie is already a done deal
and this is different from all of your posts because…..oh I guess it isn’t.
Um, if you take maybe just a brief review of the comments you will see that:
the cops are only America’s First Responders and Heros ™ when they aren’t arresting Republicans and making Bush look bad. When they do that they are clearly moronic tools of the MSM and The Left.
Was never said or implied.
Or, as commonly referred to, a strawman.
To wit:
Look, ignore me. I’m a freaking lunatic. Forgot to take my medication today…my bad.
Posted by: The Ace | March 15, 2006 03:42 AM
Wow, that was persuasive.
Gee, now why do you think you’re posting something that silly?
Ace, let’s chill together:
here is where you pasted the asterix of sarcasm:
The Ace Responds: Typical liberal blah blah I have a tiny wiener* blah blah
Mind pointing out where I said that?
Thanks in advance
Posted by: The Ace | March 15, 2006 02:04 AM
and here are the footnotes:
*satiric liberalese joke about Ace’s tiny wiener+
+how could I%
%I just did!
And here is where you give the guys in Gitmo the same “cautious wait and see attitude” you give Claude the schmuck:
It’s here somewhere.
RIMSHOT*
*ting* but does your mouth feel clean?
EXCELLENT
What if this isn’t the work of the evil twin at all, but the EVIL STRAW MAN!
Perhaps a whole army of evil straw men!
The statement alleging he admitted it is in the charging document. The store detective says he admitted it. Now that’s not the same as a video transmitting directly his words through the ether to us, so the store officer may be lying, the document may be wrong, the video evidence may be of someone else. The mind boggles.
Luckily some poor asshole down in Guantanamo is not gonna get a trial and they won’t even let the guy starve himself to death so luckily the docket will be clear for Claude to prove his innocence.*
* I know, massively rhetorically unfair.
(and, yes, the evil straw man looks like Ray Bolger with a goatee.)
“Oh, and while you’re at it, link me to a statement made by Allen admitting he did it.” The Ace
Ace, here you go. From the charging document for Allen: “Allen admitted to committing the fraudulent refunds”:
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/docs/allen-charges/?resultpage=6&
The “evil twin” theory also fails to explain the months of video surveillance or why all the refunds were made on Claude Allen’s credit card. I guess the answer is, Ace needs lithium.
First, Ace, you’re really losing an argument that only you’re engaged it. Neat trick.
Mostly, the other posters are just making fun of the Malkin ouvre which is usually defined by her reactionary caterwauling about the perifidy of the Left.
But, like a baby mole lost above ground, you’re just being blinded by the light, is all.
Anyway,
here’s where Claude admitted it
And
here’s the charging document that shows it was Claude who was charged — you’ll note that it has his actual address, credit card numbers and all that as well as pages and pages of rather distinguishing and damning features of his criminal rampage.
So, we have him admitting it, him resigning from the White House, his credit cards involved with the scam AND him caught on video with timing that matches his credit cards — all before anyone had even heard of an evil twin.
Pinko Punko,
My only point is this:
It is possible, though maybe unlikely the person arrested was his twin brother who admitted the thefts.
For the third time:
this may just turn out to be an odd coincidence, but I think it silly to dismiss the possiblity that his brother was involved merely because you do not want that to be true.
See The Ace never said the brother did it, he’s just arguing contra whatever anyone here says, because that’s a logically coherent place to be.
Although I just want to tease him about*
*stuff.
“Possible, though maybe unlikely…”
This is The Ace’s threshold for taking an idea seriously.
Try to remember that.
In The Ace’s world, passing the “smell test” means merely determining if a smell exists.
Pinko Punko,
Is it really out of the realm of possibility the person on the surveillance video is his twin brother?
Ace suddenly got very silent when confronted by Allen’s, uh, what are they called? Oh yeah, “admissions against interest”! Those suckers will do you in every time.
Ace, it is possible, but unlikely, that you will form a coherent idea tonight, just as it is possible, but unlikely, that I will win the state lottery. Just remember to take your meds and everything will be just fine.
The Ace’s world, passing the “smell test” means merely determining if a smell exists.
Posted by: Canadian Bystander
You can’t read, obviously.
Ace suddenly got very silent when confronted by Allen’s, uh, what are they called? Oh yeah, “admissions against interest”! Those suckers will do you in every time.
Really?
Um, I posted the same thought 3 times now.
But you insist it so, therefore it is…
See The Ace never said the brother did it, he’s just arguing contra whatever anyone here says, because that’s a logically coherent place to be.
No, as I made clear:
this may just turn out to be an odd coincidence, but I think it silly to dismiss the possiblity that his brother was involved merely because you do not want that to be true.
How do you know the person who was arrested was Claude Allen? …[link where it’s reported that he admitted it, his lawyer discusses it, etc]… assuming this is true, does it rule out it is was not the brother who admitted this?…[information that he also admitted it to coworkers while at work]…, but *I* don’t have “a an ounce of critical thinking ability?” You, sir, are clearly insane.
Er, did he say he commited a crime? He admitted to them he had been confronted by police outside of Target on January 2nd, which is the topic of this little convo.
Nevertheless, link Are you claiming they did find WMDs or weapons labs? Cuz he didn’t say they found what they suspected might be biolabs.
Plus, it’s not like like the only documented Bush lie. He said he saw the first plane hit the World Trade Center. He said no one suspected the levees would be breached. He said no one suspected planes would be used as weapons. He said we don’t torture. He said they were getting warrants for wiretaps.
How about this, Ace? Let’s say it’s not just “possible, but unlikely,” but 100% true. Let’s say Floyd did all those things, and Claude is covering for him.
Now, that would put Claude in a very bad position, law-wise, wouldn’t it?
So, evil twin or no, Claude fucked up.
We all agree Claude broke the law – you’re just arguing over which one.
this may just turn out to be an odd coincidence, but I think it silly to dismiss the possiblity that his brother was involved merely because you do not want that to be true.
Oh, we don’t care. If Floyd did it, that’s just another flavor of funny.
President Bush’s top domestic policy advisor was forced to resign because of his evil twin brother, who was running around town pretending to be him and ripping off Target stores…
See? That’s funny too.
Okay, the fact is, I have no response to Allen’s admissions. Basically I’m wasting everybody’s time here. I’m going to polish off the last of this bottle of vodka and go to bed. Night, all!
but see Ace, I wasn’t saying that you said “the cops are only America’s First Responders and Heros ™ when they aren’t arresting Republicans and making Bush look bad. When they do that they are clearly moronic tools of the MSM and The Left”. and I wasn’t arguing against a weaker argument that your real argument. Your real argument was weak enough.
I was making a joke** by coming up with a patently outrageous false argument. So the fact that you pointed out my false argument doesn’t make you clever. it makes you stupid and not funny.
so I stand by my original statement. You don’t know what the word means.
**I submit that my joke was not up to Sadly, No’s usual standards.
He admitted to them he had been confronted by police outside of Target on January 2nd, which is the topic of this little convo
Yes, yes, yes, because in liberal land this = “I’m a thief”
information that he also admitted it to coworkers while at work
See comment above.
See “I was confronted by police” is not “I stole something”
He said no one suspected the levees would be breached
Call me when breached means “topped”
He said we don’t torture
No, he said it’s not our policy.
Just a minor distinction.
He said they were getting warrants for wiretaps
Um, what would you call the obtaining of over 5,000 FISA warrants since 2001?
President Bush’s top domestic policy advisor was forced to resign because of his evil twin brother, who was running around town pretending to be him and ripping off Target stores…
See? That’s funny too
If you say so.
I fail to see the humor.
But I’m sure it would be a barrel of laughs if say, it happened to you.
But then, I can’t read, can I?
But wait, if I can’t read, how am I writing this comment? Am I some kind of idiot savant who can write but cannot read, who can express his thoughts in written words he cannot himself understand?
Or maybe I’m not writing this at all… perhaps this is being typed by my evil… well, you know.
You have to admit, it’s possible. Unlikely, but possible.
I was making a joke** by coming up with a patently outrageous false argument. So the fact that you pointed out my false argument doesn’t make you clever. it makes you stupid and not funny.
so I stand by my original statement. You don’t know what the word means.
**I submit that my joke was not up to Sadly, No’s usual standards.
Yeah, some “joke”
You’re the only one laughing.
But then, I can’t read, can I?
Debatable.
Comprehend:
Certainly not.
Ace no one is surprised that you fail to see the humor.
And, as I do not have an evil twin, I can’t say whether it would be funny if it happened to me.
But I submit that “I am sure it would be hilarious if it happened to you” officially labels you as (1) not Sadly No’s target audience, and (2) a curmudgeon. Please be sure to tell us how funny jokes were back in your day.
How about this, Ace? Let’s say it’s not just “possible, but unlikely,” but 100% true. Let’s say Floyd did all those things, and Claude is covering for him.
Now, that would put Claude in a very bad position, law-wise, wouldn’t it?
So, evil twin or no, Claude fucked up.
We all agree Claude broke the law – you’re just arguing over which one.
Posted by: Canadian Bystander
If this is true then yes Claude should certainly be punished appropriately.
Ace no one is surprised that you fail to see the humor
You can’t see what isn’t there.
And, as I do not have an evil twin, I can’t say whether it would be funny if it happened to me.
Oh, I’m sure it would be quite hilarious if someone did something you weren’t a party to that cost you your job.
I now present a scene from “The Education of an Ace: the Elementary School Years”:
1st boy: No man, that’s it , there’s no more – you say “Orange who?” and I say “Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘banana’?” Get it? Cuz I was saying banana all those other times? And this time… aw fuck it, I’m going to get some more fries.
Did I mention, ladeez…I’m single!!!!
He admitted to them he had been confronted by police outside of Target on January 2nd, which is the topic of this little convo
Yes, yes, yes, because in liberal land this = “I’m a thief”
Right. You can throw out all that other evidence. The mere fact that he talked to the police in front of a Target is enough for us law-and-order type liberals. Well, that and he presumably talked to police at the Target, just after he — either “Claude” or Claude — got busted for a dumbass scam.
But whatever. It’s all about the benefit of the doubt with you tigers.
Gay prostitutes in the White House asking questions to the President? Men with psychotic twins so identical, they literally can’t be told apart and may have lived interchangeable lives? Saying that while ‘topped’ doesn’t equal ‘breached’, ignoring the
long, long, long history of predicting levee failure anyway. “Bin Laden Determined to Attack U.S.” who could possibly know that he would? It’s fucking impossible I tell you! Especially on vacation.
Torture? Not official policy, just a neat little bonus for the perps* (*who are usually more innocent than Claude!) getting the old ‘tear out their hair’ treatment.
The doubts you give are truly the work of a bleedy-hearted knee-jerky liberal mind.
Anonymous | March 15, 2006 04:10 AM was me, I done got unremembered.
Yes, yes, yes, because in liberal land this = “I’m a thief”
Nope, it just means he Claude Allen admitted to coworkers that he personally, not his brother, was confronted by police for refund fraud upon leaving that Target on January 2nd after having just been caught on tape inside, for which you claim there’s no evidence and therefore the brother MIGHT be the one blah blah. He admitted it was him, his lawyer admitted it was him.
So now every lie has to pass your Republican parsing test? No thanks. If you still really think Bush has never lied, well, I can only repeat myself: you, sir, are clearly insane.
You are also a hair-splitter and a goalpost mover, and I’m going to bed.
Oh, real quick before I go Yes, yes, yes, because in liberal land this = “I’m a thief” is also, guess what? Oh you know, you’ve certainly been complaining about everyone else’s, but have also given us a couple fine examples yourself. All done!
Oh, I’m sure it would be quite hilarious if someone did something you weren’t a party to that cost you your job.
oh man I CANNOT WAIT to hear how this cost Claude his job even though he wasn’t involved.
this is going to be good.
Shorter Ace: You’re either with Claude Allen’s doppelganger, or you’re with the terrorists.
Even better, Kathleen – Ace already admitted that if this evil twin theory is true, then Claude is a party to the crime by covering for him.
I assume he will use his awesome powers of reading comprehension to get out of this one.
Or else he’ll just say something like, “I did not say that. You are dumb.”
Was this time well spent? Possible, but unlikely.
A-man,
What I am trying to say is that the realm of humor that is tangential to the entire evil twin situation is what we are dealing with here, not the actual situation. Thus, at some point to me the truth is irrelevant to my ability to make Spock jokes, or if you prefer Umberto Eco, Ferrante the evil twin brother jokes. See that actually is funny.
We are not playing defense lawyer here. The available evidence suggests that improbable though possible circumstances would have to be true for Mr. Allen to be innocent, although in your case you are presuming it is definitely an Allen, one or the other, in our case we are arguing the evidence- it’s Claude Allen. Thus you are casting a wider net of guilt than we or at least I am.
Clearly, the Ace needs to read a refresher course on conservative humor.
The twins post rox. I wish there was more than just this Ace guy from Malkin over there though. To think, not a peep from these clowns on Bush yukking it up over Harry Whittington getting shot in the face, but a few bloggers joke about an evil twin theory – AN EVIL TWIN THEORY FER CRISSAKES – and it’s like we’ve pissed on Bob Hope’s grave or something …
It’s crazy how the mighty have fallen … reduced to complaining about jokes obvious enough for Leno, and paranoid about a wire service conspiracy to make Bush and Cheney look bad in photos.
“Oh, I’m sure it would be quite hilarious if someone did something you weren’t a party to that cost you your job.”
Ace, what’s your take on the hilarity of jokes by the President of the United States that have an old man who got shot in the face as a punchline? As opposed to your obvious distaste for jokes about evil twins by some nobody bloggers?
As opposed to your obvious distaste for jokes about evil twins by some nobody bloggers?
Ow, the burn.
What I want to know is what the hell is up with the stepmother? The article makes it sound like both she and Claude are willing to throw good ol’ Floyd under the bus! Or is that Floyd throwing Claude under the bus? This is too damn soap opera for me. Isn’t somebody supposed to get marooned on a tropical island now? Seems like it would be necessary in order to pull off the coconut thing.
It’s crazy how the mighty have fallen … reduced to complaining about jokes obvious enough for Leno, and paranoid about a wire service conspiracy to make Bush and Cheney look bad in photos.
Yeah, the strange thing about Malkin lately is that, as the Bush Administration keeps slipping on banana peels and falling down new flights of stairs, she keeps narrowing her focus to outright trivia like the alleged wire-service conspiracy.
It’s all about tiny little slights that supposedly reveal a huge, hidden Leviathan — one that somehow never leaves any real evidentiary traces…
“Ow, the burn.”
Meant in the nicest possible way, of course. As in, mighty and powerful bloggers, whose pronouncements nevertheless demand a mote’s less scrutiny than we would give to the Leader of the Free World’s.
“Ow, the burn.”
Meant in the nicest possible way, of course. As in, mighty and powerful bloggers, whose pronouncements nevertheless demand a mote’s less scrutiny than we would give to the Leader of the Free World’s.
Oh man, I totally missed out on this all day. No one told me we had a real live Ace here.
S,N! is still the best. Now I’m tempted to see if any of the other people lucky enough to get the Malkin(s) love got any awesomer visitors.
Bonus note for Pinko: Extra high-five for you, that was stellar.
You need to evil twin-proof your comments, Gavin.
Oh, and on the wire photo thing – they’re currently gloating over the shot of the Dem congresswoman with the “Dangerously Incompetent” sign next to her, completely negating their conspiracy theory. It’s like they’ve got anterograde amnesia, like in 50 First Dates or Memento. After every post smearing liberals, the slate is wiped clean and they’re off posting a new one that totally undermines what the previous one said.
Kathleen: some of us appreciated the reference to “The Princess Bride”…
Shorter Ace: INCONCEIVABLE!
Oh, and – JEAN SCHMIDT HAS A TWIN?!!!
Oh. Dear. God.
And Jean Schmidt’s twin gets double the amount of fake emails smearing Jack Murtha.
I really wish all of you would stop making light of what is a very serious family issue plaguing me and my “brother.” You DO NOT understand what it is like to live in two conflicted sets of skin, a problem understood as “double consciousness” in the words of the late, great WEB Dubois. Claude indeed has a “double consciouness” only it also includes the added problem of having a twin brother.
Me, I am not a Republican so I do not suffer from the same issues Claude does, I am only (as Claude likes to put it) a “regular negro” and have no relationship to the Bush Administration.
DA is laying down the law tonight, folks
I thought his twin was only 40 inches tall
and bald.
J Brida! my heart bleeds for you, well said!
oh man I CANNOT WAIT to hear how this cost Claude his job even though he wasn’t involved.
this is going to be good.
Posted by: Kathleen
Who said this is the case?
You people seriously can not read.
Even better, Kathleen – Ace already admitted that if this evil twin theory is true, then Claude is a party to the crime by covering for him.
That would be if he knew this was happening.
A little different than what you typed.
But you’re not terribly bright.
Let me guess McGill grad?
Ace, what’s your take on the hilarity of jokes by the President of the United States that have an old man who got shot in the face as a punchline?
You mean like this?
A real laugh a minute that guy, huh?
Oh, and on the wire photo thing – they’re currently gloating over the shot of the Dem congresswoman with the “Dangerously Incompetent” sign next to her, completely negating their conspiracy theory.
It is a whole hell of a lot to gloat over considering she’s running this year and it was idiotic.
Again who is the “they” here?
Who has said his brother is involved, the White House?
Gay prostitutes in the White House asking questions to the President?
What is this supposed to mean exactly?
The White House knew about this in advance or you don’t like people who engage in gay sex?
Bin Laden Determined to Attack U.S.” who could possibly know that he would? It’s fucking impossible I tell you! Especially on vacation
Who said it was “impossible” he would?
Of course lets ignore the intel in that PDB went back to 1996. Hint: that means there was nothing new in it.
Condi?
But whatever. It’s all about the benefit of the doubt with you tigers.
You mean like this:
It is comical that for you ignorants Osama can’t be pre-judged but Delay is already guilty and since a target loss prevention person said Allen said something it is fact.
Silly
Ignorant
Hypocrites
Oops, I shouldn’t post this early, should I? (Don’t answer, Ace Rimmer)
Or not at all given the “substance” there.
Too funny.
Another bright bulb we have here…
I’m not saying that at all.
I’m pointing out it’s merely possible his twin brother either stole or fraudulently obtained his credit cards and did this.
Not likely, but possible.
And it’s only brought up because Floyd “kept running into bad times”
The entire point of this post and 90% of the commentary is to dismiss that possibility because one doesn’t want it to be true because of a hatred of the President.
The entire point of this post and 90% of the commentary is to dismiss that possibility because one doesn’t want it to be true because of a hatred of the President.
If I may get juvenile here, I think most of the commentary here is because you’re acting like a tool.
Hey Ace, if you can still hear me from down in that hole you dug yourself, exactly how would Claude not know this was happening to him after he got arrested, had to resign, etc?
If he was innocent, why did he not say so?
My god, I can’t believe I’m even writing this… Sometimes feeding a troll is fun, especially when they eat everything on offer and more. And I like how Ace has suddenly never heard of Jeff Gannon.
McGill grad? What kind of non sequitor is that? Is there a more reputable school that would encourage me to take seriously highly unlikely legal scenarios that don’t conform at all to the available evidence? Concordia?
Wow: the humorlessness, the extreme nitpicking, the balancing of one tiny fact against legions of large ones, the willful misunderstanding, the smug obtuseness, the confident yet unsupported certainty, the terminally impaired sense of satire, the knee-jerk disagreement, the utter predictability, and the compulsive need to have the last word–it’s all here!
I know it’s mean to laugh at sad displays, but I must admit that I am. Sorry.
“A real laugh a minute that guy, huh?”
So you don’t think jokes about an old man who got shot in the face are funny? Interesting. Also interesting is that you seem to have a problem with even stating out loud that the President of the United States jokes about Harry Whittington getting shot in the face by Dick Cheney.
I dare you to state for the record that you find George Bush’s joke about Whittington unfunny and tasteless. You can use your own words if you like.
“A real laugh a minute that guy, huh?”
So you don’t think jokes about an old man who got shot in the face are funny? Interesting. Also interesting is that you seem to have a problem with even stating out loud that the President of the United States jokes about Harry Whittington getting shot in the face by Dick Cheney.
I dare you to state for the record that you find George Bush’s joke about Whittington unfunny and tasteless. You can use your own words if you like.
Eat crow liberals Santorum Was Right
Oh, and why don’t your leaders have the courage of their convictions?
Cowards
Eat crow liberals Santorum Was Right
Oh, and why don’t your leaders have the courage of their convictions?
Cowards
So you don’t think jokes about an old man who got shot in the face are funny?
Not really, no.
But I find it beyond comical you can’t bring yourself to condemn Sen Kerry (whom you had no idea said that, I know).
dare you to state for the record that you find George Bush’s joke about Whittington unfunny and tasteless
Wooooo, a “dare”!?
I don’t think it’s particularly funny and personally I wouldn’t say something like that.
Fortunately I don’t sit around all day waiting for the President to say things and prononuce him a liar, Hitler, stupid, whatever.
That is a sad, sad existence.
exactly how would Claude not know this was happening to him after he got arrested, had to resign, etc?
Er, nobody said he wouldn’t know after did they?
Let’s try:
Before
After
See, those are two different words with different meanings, right?
Just to backtrack a bit (long day at work and I went to bed early, missing out on further hilarity):
“I think it silly to dismiss the possiblity that his brother was involved merely because you do not want that to be true.”
Ace, is it too much to ask that you post with a modicum of self-awareness? The whole point behind your posting here, AFAIC, is that the Evil Twin ™ plot twist was just too damn funny. But if we and others laugh at the obvious ludicrousness of it (whether or it’s true or not is beside the point here), there’s less of a chance that the right can successfully work the MSM refs in order to give this non-story legs.
In short, you’re dumping on this thread, good little Malkin Minion that you are, because we’re laughing at, and therefore undercutting the gravity of, a story you desperately want to be true.
Your pretension that you’re posting here due to some higher calling as the Intellectual Conservative Voice of Reason is itself laughable.
Stroker Ace: you don’t sit around waiting for the president to say stupid things because you’re too busy memorizing those “talking points” faxes from wingnut central and training your mind to embrace wild contradictions in logic.
Strange Forces is on to something, Ace.
Just to backtrack a bit (long day at work and I went to bed early, missing out on further hilarity):
“I think it silly to dismiss the possiblity that his brother was involved merely because you do not want that to be true.”
Ace, is it too much to ask that you post with a modicum of self-awareness? The whole point behind your posting here, AFAIC, is that the Evil Twin ™ plot twist was just too damn funny. But if we and others laugh at the obvious ludicrousness of it (whether it’s true or not is beside the point here), there’s less of a chance that the right can successfully work the MSM refs in order to give this non-story legs.
In short, you’re dumping on this thread, good little Malkin Minion that you are, because we’re laughing at, and therefore undercutting the gravity of, a story you desperately want to be true.
Your pretension that you’re posting here due to some higher calling as the Intellectually Responsible Conservative Voice of Reason is itself laughable.
Yeah, um, that’s it.
Persuasive.
Or not.
I don’t care if the story is true.
An easy point lost on you.
Could you possibly draw more false conclusions and do more projection?
It would probably be difficult…
“Eat crow liberals Santorum Was Right”
Um, yeah, Ace, where’ve you been?
Man, that Santorum really had a bead on us. In fact, I’m going to go eat my new husband, the crow, right now… And not in the way you think -_^
BTW, Demogenes, how’s that hot box-turtle lovin’ goin?
I don’t care if the story is true.
An easy point lost on you.
Could you possibly draw more false conclusions and do more projection?
It would probably be difficult…
“Eat crow liberals Santorum Was Right”
Um, yeah, Ace, where’ve you been?
Man, that Santorum really had a bead on us. In fact, I’m going to go eat my new husband, the crow, right now… And not in the way you think -_^
BTW, Demogenes, how’s that hot box-turtle lovin’ goin?
Um, yeah, moron, pretending he wasn’t ridiculed for his comments after the Lawrence decision by the left isn’t an argument nor is it a rebuttal.
Somebody needs a nap.
Of course it “isn’t the point” because you’re not serious people capable of saying serious things.
Could you post with a modicum of self awareness?
“I don’t care if the story is true.”
A point, let’s face it, obviously belied by the fact that this thread is closing in on 200 comments — a high point for S,N! — most of them in response to some inane remark you’ve made.
My point stands. You’re here attacking us because you and Malkin are upset not that we doubt the veracity of the story (though many of us do — and save it: that’s not the same as denying it), but because we doubt its gravity — because we laughed at it. And for media-aware conservatarians for whom shaping public perception is all, this tittering simply may not stand.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.
*psssssst – Hey Ace, it’s a SNARK blog. It’s not meant to be taken so seriously. I’m gettin worried about your OC on this, dude. Take a deeeeeeeep breath, lift it up, and let it go. Now, doesn’t that feel better?*
Ace 1: “I don’t care if the story is true.”
Ace 2: “Of course it ‘isn’t the point’ because you’re not serious people capable of saying serious things.”
Further Ace 2: “Could you post with a modicum of self awareness?”
THANK YOU! Thank you ladies and germs — he’ll be here all week!
Um, no, you doubt it’s veracity.
Trying to muddle that is just silly.
As I said, it’s probably not likely his brother is involved, but it’s possible.
We’ll see.
I’m interesting in seeing what the real story is either way – what would possess someone working in the WH to do this…
What is most hilarious is you vindicated my point in it’s entirety.
But you’re not bright enough to see that.
…you’re not serious people capable of saying serious things.
Sadly, no.
Anyway, The Ace, where is our lack of self awareness? You do seem to be the one answering posts like someone who might fail a Turing Test.
We’ve been saying that regardless of the truth in the matter of Messers Allen, the fact that there was the possibility of an honest-to-God Evil Twin defense is _hilarious_. The Evil Twin Defense only shows up on crappy television programs.
“Um, yeah, moron, pretending he wasn’t ridiculed for his comments after the Lawrence decision by the left isn’t an argument nor is it a rebuttal.”
Dear Professor Comedy,
Is it possible for one to supplement a dadaist comic gem such as this with, say, a horn that bleats “ah-OOH-gah!“?
Your eager student,
teh
Read the original post starting the thread.
Hardly a fair conclusion…
This is what people say who don’t have facts or reason to support what they are saying.
That doesn’t mitigate the fact that Santorum was indeed correct in his assessment that polygamists would use the Lawrence to advance their agenda in the courts.
And the left mocked this idea and of course was wrong.
to recap:
– Claude Allen either comitted retail fraud or covered for his twin brother after the fact. And yet, he has lost his job for something he was not a party to.
– Bush has never lied.
– Republicans who do bad things are not bad because Democrats do bad things, too.
– Sadly, No! commenters are not serious for not taking seriously the possibility that something possible (but unlikely) could be true, for finding funny something that is funny, and for not taking seriously something that Ace simply doesn’t care about.
Great stuff. I applaud the man with the self-control to keep that all together. You’ll be bending spoons with your mind soon.
“Um, no, you doubt it’s veracity.
Trying to muddle that is just silly.”
Ah, but my point stands. Yes, many of us doubt its veracity (no one here trying to deny that), but I maintain that the reason you are here is that we doubted its seriousness.
Either you’re approaching the text from the Ann Coulter’s Take On Nuance school of thought, or you have a severe head injury.
to recap:
– Claude Allen either comitted retail fraud or covered for his twin brother after the fact. And yet, he has lost his job for something he was not a party to.
– Bush has never lied.
– Republicans who do bad things are not bad because Democrats do bad things, too.
– Sadly, No! commenters are not serious for not taking seriously the possibility that something possible (but unlikely) could be true, for finding funny something that is funny, and for not taking seriously something that Ace simply doesn’t care about.
Great stuff. I applaud the man with the self-control to keep that all together. You’ll be bending spoons with your mind soon.
Claude Allen either comitted retail fraud or covered for his twin brother after the fact. And yet, he has lost his job for something he was not a party to.
You are just a dense bore at this point. Nobody said any such thing.
Bush has never lied.
You can’t document an alleged lie, the point stands.
Republicans who do bad things are not bad because Democrats do bad things, too.
Strawman
Sadly, No! commenters are not serious for not taking seriously the possibility that something possible (but unlikely) could be true
This has little to do with your unseriousness.
finding funny something that is funny,
Strawman, nobody said it wasn’t funny.
and for not taking seriously something that Ace simply doesn’t care about.
See comments above.
but I maintain that the reason you are here is that we doubted its seriousness.
Well, what you maintain is wrong.
If you could read & comprehend plain English you wouldn’t be “maintaining” that.
And stop opening Professor Comedy’s mail, ding-a-ling!
I’M CALLING THE AUTHORITIES YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN A TERRIST GET, A BRAIN MORAN!!1!!1!1@! [/lgf]
teh, we might have to accept the possiblity that Ace does have a head injury. Really, it would explain so much…
Read the original post starting the thread.
Ace.
The original post has a picture of the FREAKING OLSEN TWINS dressed as private eyes.
This is serious for you? You must bob for some truly funky apples where you come from.
Republicans who do bad things are not bad because Democrats do bad things, too.
This is interesting coming from the left considering the defense, and continued defense of President Clinton.
Isn’t it funny how the “you better put some ice on that” allegation was never treated as fact by you kiddies?
I’M CALLING THE AUTHORITIES YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN A TERRIST
Does that mean you’re actually shouting or that you should be taken seriously?
Which just further supports my position.
Try to actually think about that.
“You are just a dense bore at this point. Nobody said any such thing.”
Ah, the infamous Republican “I use precisely those words and punctuation marks, therefore I’m off the hook — ta-da!!!” defense.
Sadly, not nearly as funny as the Evil Twin defense.
I’m interesting in seeing what the real story is either way – what would possess someone working in the WH to do this…
You’re not really ‘interesting’ (even if you may be interested), Ace, a funny little curio, perhaps, but when one can practically hear you read the Talking Points out loud when you type, believe me, we’ve heard it before.
Unserious? About a joke like Claude Allen, his twin and a stoopid scam? Yeah, he deserves gravitas for ripping off something that would embarrass Winona Ryder.
What would possess someone working in the WH to do this?
As we live on different worlds, it might be difficult to grasp, but the White House’s procurement agent is under indictment for stealing millions of dollars in contracts, they’ve handed billions in no-bid contracts to a company the Vice President used to run (and they ‘lost’ a few billion), there’s currently $8.8 billion unaccounted for from Bremer’s run in Iraq, they’ve transferred billions more from taxpayers to pharmaceutical companies in the guise of a Medicare bill — a mediocrity like Allen saw the pigs at the trough and thought, “me too”.
Ooh, snap: self-n41l3d!
“I didn’t use precisely those words…”
Clearly, had I been Ollie North’s defense counsel, he wouldn’t have his lucrative book contract and FOX slots because he’d be too busy trying not to drop the soap…
ok, so… the whole thing is funny, but we’re not serious for not taking it seriously… but… the Olson twins pic proves we’re not taking the funny thing seriously… and it’s okay to find the situation funny, but not to doubt its veracity… and I’m a boring straw man…
Wait a minute, I’m the straw man?
Okay, I’m calling parody — nice try, Ace, but not wingnut would be that brainless. Who are you really? Is that Brad or Gavin trying to push up the comments?
Okay, so in all the snark and straw and distraction by the amazing thread two pages down (solipsgasm!), I’ve forgotten what your position is, Ace.
Help me think, and re-state your position for the class. Treat me like I’m five years old. Well, treat me like I’m five years old some more.
“Does that mean you’re actually shouting or that you should be taken seriously?”
Yes, Ace. Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.
If Ace can’t find the “Evil Twin” story uproariously funny, then he is obviously a robot. AI have no capacity for humor, after all.
Veracity? No, you said we “don’t want it to be true”. Who the hell cares? If it is true, it makes it even MORE hilarious.
Let that be a lesson to all of you with an Evil Twin, boys and girls! Keep an eye on them, because they’re EVIL, after all. Never know what an EVIL TWIN can do to you!
This will fuel Jay Leno’s and David Letterman’s monologue for weeks. This is just too good.
Maybe stop sucking on those sour grapes, Ace. That frown might turn upside down. Oh wait.. he’s an AI and they have no humor. You heard it here first.
About Pres. Bush lying…
He said they were getting warrants for wiretaps
Um, what would you call the obtaining of over 5,000 FISA warrants since 2001?
Let me direct your attention right over here to an April 20, 2004 press conference starring our very own President Bush. A choice portion of the transcript:
Secondly, there are such things as roving wiretaps. Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires — a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we’re talking about chasing down terrorists, we’re talking about getting a court order before we do so. It’s important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution.
“…we’re talking about getting a court order before we do so.” Except when we decided a couple of years ago to issue an executive order not to bother with those court orders. You know, to circumvent those “constitutional guarantees” that the citizens should understand are what we so value about our Constitution. Yeah, those.
Ace Rimmer, I told you not to answer, but you did. Bad boy.
That doesn’t mitigate the fact that Santorum was indeed correct in his assessment that polygamists would use the Lawrence to advance their agenda in the courts.
Here’s Santorum’s quote about polygamy:
“And if the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery.”
See, here’s the thing. Polygamy is about marriage rights, not consensual sex rights. Which is why I think these polygamy activists who want to hitch on to Lawrence — which was about decriminalizing consensual sex and said nothing about marriage — are likely to fail.
But also, Santorum was spouting absolute nonsense when he made his “prediction” (which wasn’t much of a prediction really, just an invalid syllogism.)
Basically, I won’t see any need to eat crow until the man-on-dog-sex advocates take a case to the Supreme Court on the strength of Lawrence.
I can’t decide what my favorite part of this thread is, but I think it is a tie between Ace saying “how would YOU like it if something someone did that you weren’t a party cost you your job” and then denying that he had said that or Ace mocking us for wasting our lives reading democratic talking points as he sits here, constantly refreshing his screen, and posting about 100 lame comments.
Also Ace, food for thought: after 30 times, the whole “you don’t know how to read” defense gets a little stale. You might want to mix it up.
woo hoo – 200 hundred comments baby. I am humbled to have had a small part in this effort.
When did Ace get all the time to mess up this comment thread? Wasn’t he busy butchering Stevie Wonder on American Idol last night? Oh Ace, you so dreamy!
Minus the double posts this thread is moarginally long.
My fave Ace to date: stuff you say proves my point, although my point is evershifting.
also, I prove my point by merely allowing you to say stuff, which I then point out.
My point only exists in opposition to what you say, although what you say demonstrates my point is valid.
I have no point.
The White House knew about this in advance or you don’t like people who engage in gay sex?
The first one, actually – because, see, in order to get the kind of access Jimmy Jeff Guckert got, you’re supposed to undergo a background check . . . which, if done by anyone more competent than Barney Fife, would reveal a side career in gay prostitution.
Now, this kind of thing is usually regarded as a security risk. So either: the WH did not do a background check, or they did and they ignored it (I suppose there’s a third possibility, that they did one and did it so poorly that they failed to find damaging information that a blogger uncovered in a matter of hours).
That’s the problem. It has nothing to do with people who like gay sex.. But you knew that.
“Minus the doub”
Strawman. I never said that.
“le posts this thread is moarginally lo”
That is what people who don’t have facts to back up their assertions say.
“ng.”
Reading comprehension. You should try it.
“My fave Ace to date: stuff you say proves my point, altho”
You just proved my point.
“ugh my point is evershifting.
also, I prove my point by merely allowing you to say stuff, w”
Will no honorable man battle me on my terms?
“hich I then point out.”
Strawman.
“My”
Strawman.
“p”
Strawman.
“oi”
Triple secret probation strawman.
“nt only exists in opposition to what you say, although what you say demonstrates my point is valid.
“I have no point.”
Thank you for proving my point. Strawman, can you read?, barrel of laughs, strawman, I never said that, strawman, strawman.
There’s a strawman,
Waiting in the sky,
He’d like to come and meet us,
But he thinks he’d blow our minds…
Like, the problem with being Teh Boy Who Cried Strawman is that when a ravenous strawman really does show up, the townspeople will ignore you and you’ll die a horrible, strawey death.
The strawman had me at “p”
I’m such a thread killer.
I was just waiting for it to scroll off the main page… then, it’s mine!!1!!one!
So it is IMPOSSIBLE for identical brother Floyd, a known troublemaker all his life, a person who cannot get a credit card because he went bankrupt a few years ago, IMPOSSIBLE to STEAL his brother Claude’s identity in order to obtain credit card(s)?
So that’s impossible to you and a man earning $160,000 a year needs ~just a weee bit more~ to make ends meet and scamming a department store is the PERFECT SOLUTION! (Yeah, that’d be the first thing I’d think of .. NOT!)
Just wait until we see what Claude’s financial situation actually is. How much money does he have in savings and investments? Was his mortgage faithfully paid every month , (maybe paid off already?)? ETC
You are so BLINDED by your hate for G W Bush that you do not realize how silly you are!
Just here to gloat, not over Claude Allen, who I hope gets the help he needs, but over Ace and Mike: neener! Occam’s razor, peeps, give it a go.